I Meant It Once: Stories

by Kate Doyle

This “gorgeous, electric” collection of short stories is about the inner lives of young women during their transformative twenties, navigating relationships, nostalgia for the past, and the uncertainty of the future (Mary-Beth Hughes, author of The Ocean House).

With this sharp and witty debut collection, author Kate Doyle captures precisely that time of life when so many young women are caught in between, pre-occupied by nostalgia for past relationships—with friends, roommates, siblings—while trying to move forward into an uncertain future. In “That Is Shocking,” a college student relates a darkly funny story of romantic humiliation, one that skirts the parallel story of a friend she betrayed. In others, young women long for friends who have moved away, or moved on. In “Cinnamon Baseball Coyote” and other linked stories about siblings Helen, Evan, and Grace, their years of inside jokes and brutal tensions simmer over as the three spend a holiday season in an amusing whirl of rivalry and mutual attachment, and a generational gulf widens between them and their parents. Throughout, in stories both lyrical and haunting, young women search for ways to break free from the expectations of others and find a way to be in the world. 

Written with crystalline prose and sly humor, the stories in I Meant It Once build to complete a profoundly recognizable portrait of early adulthood and the ways in which seemingly incidental moments can come to define the stories we tell ourselves. For fans of Elif Batuman, Ottessa Moshfegh, Patricia Lockwood, and Melissa Bank, these stories about being young and adrift in today’s world go down easy and pack a big punch.
 

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction, Contemporary, Literary Fiction, Adult, Collections, Anthologies

254 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 18, 2023

Reviews

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now THIS is literary fiction. This book got me out of my reading slump. Each story I got so immersed that I forgot about the world around me. As soon as I finished it, I wanted to flip to the beginning and read it all again. It’s been a while since a book has made me feel that way. The writing was immaculate and constantly evoking feelings of nostalgia and wistfulness. I wish more people wrote this way. One of my top reads of the year by far.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

A debut collection of 16 stories, three of them returning to the same sibling trio. Many of Doyle’s characters are young people who still define themselves by the experiences and romances of their college years. In “That Is Shocking,” Margaret can’t get over the irony of her ex breaking up with her on Valentine’s Day after giving her a plate of heart-shaped scones. Former roommates Christine and Daisy are an example of fading friendship in “Two Pisces Emote about the Passage of Time.”

The title phrase comes from “Cinnamon Baseball Coyote,” one of the Helen–Grace–Evan stories, when the sparring sisters are children and the one writes down “I hate my sister” and saves the paper in her desk because, as she tells their father, “I don’t mean it anymore. I only kept it because I meant it once.” Moments of great drama or emotion, and the regret that comes in their aftermath, are the stuff of these mainly New York City-set stories.

Across nine first-person and seven third-person stories, the content and point of view are pretty samey and minor; nothing here to make you feel you’re reading a rising star of American fiction. I only found a few standouts. “Hello It’s You” is about Meg’s history of same-sex partners: though she’s with Sara now, she can’t stop thinking about Jenny, her college girlfriend. “Aren’t We Lucky” has a soupçon of magic as it imagines a house and its ghosts resisting renovations. But my favourite was “Moments Earlier,” about Kelly’s medical crisis and the friends who never get past it.

Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.

[Isabella · Rating 4 out of 5]

this one is definitely for the nyc girlies goin thru it (it is I, an nyc girlie going thru it)

"I remember I felt a funny small thrill that we even knew each other, that we'd come from different places to meet at this place, in this time."

"She knows it's useless, to give attention to what can't ever change. But it's vivid, mesmerizing, to consider other lives."

"Is real life agreeing with you, softening your edges? Or is real life just the worst, and you're pining for the past?"

"I liked to appear not to have miscalculated, not to have misunderstood myself, not to have anything but the most absolute grasp on my own intentions."

"After all this happened I came to feel that instant closeness is a thing you have to guard against- a thing that can get fairly out of hand."

"I don't know. I could speculate forever."

"When do you know for sure it's too late for things to get better? When do you know that you just have to move on?"

"I felt like I could kiss him, or was it that he wanted to kiss me?"

"I regret New York always, unless never. I would change plenty of things except that I wouldn't, and when I think about it that way there is no what if, there is no then what, there is only what I chose and did not choose, so many open doors evaporating all around me: one after another after another after another."

"Lately it's like I'm seeing myself clearly for the first time in my life."

"The exact moment of "the end" is devastating in its way, but I always find the gradual drain of something becoming the past is a little bit worse."

"I am always holding on to things at any cost."

[Hailey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed The Goldfish in the Pond at the Community Garden, Cinnamon Baseball Coyote, We Can’t Explain, and This is the Way Things Are Now.

The rest were just okay — nothing too special. I wished that the stories weren’t so dreary where nothing was looking up for the characters the majority of the time

[Alex McCullough · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book has that certain je ne sais quoi that i can’t articulate in any meaningful way except to say: i was meant to read this. even the title is so delicately perfect. did i love every story? no. should that matter? yes. but does it? no. ‘i meant it once,’ i’ll miss reading you.

[Geritza · Rating 5 out of 5]

such rich reflections on being a messy, self-conscious, self-centered, altogether harmless 20-something year old

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

i enjoyed these stories. they most certainly laid out experiences and feelings of women amidst their twenties. i liked that they weren’t trying to convince you of anything, and instead were just laying out occurrences and the feelings surrounding them, there was no reveal really of an outcome—things were left up in the air in most situations. you can’t really tell what the characters desire, which i realized was the point. this book was definitely very ‘literary fiction,’ so some points probably went over my head. the last short story ‘briefly’ was impeccable, and eerily relatable. this quote from it destroyed me and i am going to (for sure) fixate/linger on it for time to come: “The exact moment of “the end” is devastating in its way, but I always find the gradual drain of something becoming the past is a little bit worse.”

[Veronika · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this collection of stories that captures “messy twenties” deeper and more literary than most modern novels claim to do.

nothing actually dramatic happens, it’s all in the mood, thoughts and feelings. I wish I could relate and/or understand the characters more, some stories (especially about siblings) were pretty hard to grasp

[Kate Esther · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! A sublime short story collection. I am not the most natural reader of short story collections generally speaking because I often find them surface level and forgettable. That's just due to my taste rather than any shortcomings on a writers side though. What I gravitate toward is immersive writing, intimacy and something memorable, whether thats the feeling it evoked during the reading process or a more tangible plot point. This is, naturally, more achievable in a novel format but every now and again I find a short story collection that works for me, not often, but this one was certainly an example of such.

The characters are immediately vivid, their inner lives feel authentic, the feeling of communion between my reading and the writing was precise. I can't wait to see what Kate Doyle does next. Surely a family saga or a college setting with a group of friends would be something she would excel in expanding upon. The sense of dissolving boundaries in the lives of her characters was so well conveyed and achieved a real sense of catharsis in me, of not being alone in all this disintegration.

Tangentially, I think fans of Phoebe Bridgers will really relate to what's being conveyed in this book. Allusions to time travel, ghosts, inter dimensional awareness to illustrate feelings of disembodiment and alienation in one's own life reminded me of Phoebe Bridger's lyrics, some of my very favourites in fact. Those lyrics that just really hit the bullseye.

Yeah, just wonderful! I loved it.

[Analisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

i’ll try to convince you to read this book using one quote and one quote only…

“Girls, you must always consider what might happen.”

This book was so uneventful. I don’t know, maybe it just wasn’t my cup of tea. I like the cover, and the concept of a bunch of short stories, but it just really did not resonate with me whatsoever.

it never grabbed my attention, and i felt meh the whole time reading it which just made it drag on and on. disappointing because i was looking forward to this read.

i think there’s a chance someone else might like this book a lot more than me. i just don’t know who that person would be.

anyways, maybe don’t waste your time or money reading this (unless it’s your desire, then by all means you should!).

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rounding up from a 3.5 to a 4. I think there's a real caveat with these stories, which is that they are so incredibly specific to women living out their 20s in New York City. As someone who experienced that, I had an appreciation for many of these pieces, but I'm not sure they're for everyone. Even as a woman who came of age in New York, some of these stories bled together a little.

[Isabella (isabunchofbooks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obviously, I'm biased because Kate and I were coworkers at an indie bookstore, but I loved this. I feel like it was written specifically for women who are at the same place in their life that I am now. I think if you're a fan of Sally Rooney's writing, this is one you should absolutely check out!

[Alara Güvenli · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don’t mean this in a derogatory way but sometimes you can really tell when someone did a MFA. There’s a certain way of writing that contemporary writers who go to MFA programs write in and while I understand that it’s all in the name of bettering their crafts, it also, unfortunately, creates flattened and predictable and cookie-cutter writing as a result. It’s good writing, no doubt, the i’d are dotted and the t’s crossed, but it’s not magical, evocative, transformative writing. Which is kinda relieving as someone who sorta wishes she could do an MFA one day? It gives you the tools, sure, but creating a masterwork relies on your creativity and daringness, not on your ability to follow rules while also being subtly evasive in hopes of coming off as deep and mysterious.

Always nice to read about struggling twenty-somethings though, that’s for sure. I also really liked the that the story lengths varied and the POVs and that three stories pertained to the same characters, it gave it a nice through-line to hold onto.

[Margot · Rating 5 out of 5]

This became an instant favourite for me, and I'm incredibly upset this is the author's debut. On the plus side, I'm going to a bookclub where she will be present in a couple of days, so I can ask her then what her next project is.

I'm not usually a huge fan of coming-of-age stories. I find them too messy to enjoy - which, I guess, is kind of the point, isn't it? However, this collection of short story resonated with me so much. They read heart-felt and so incredibly real, relatable to an extreme. The messiness of being in your early twenties felt so palpable that I found myself almost missing it - although, not quite.

The main matters explored in this book were how hard it is to pick a line in your early twenties. There are so many ways your life could go, and it feels overwhelming. It was also how we are the most unreliable narrators of our own stories, incapable of being objective in the face of time and other people's own views on our and their lives.

I loved this so much, and I can't wait to see what Kate Doyle writes next.

[Bill Silva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not every story is 5 stars, but overall this is a standout collection…wryly funny but also full of real sorrow, longing, uncertainty, and the sometimes painful recollection of the past and the unknowability of the future. The voice doesn’t change much from story to story, and not much happens…don’t expect a lot of dramatic action here. But the quality of the writing and the just-right tone of the family/interpersonal/relationship dynamics won me over. Don’t get me wrong—this isn’t a downer at all, as there is clever humor throughout. But it’s ultimately a rather sober and serious worldview that sticks with me.

[Cam Rhinehardt · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
I think I expected it to be a lot more than it was, some of the stories really grasp me while others seem bleak. But I believe that to be the point of the book, offering so many perspectives that one person probably couldn’t relate directly to every single one.

[Sofia Dailey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some stories were good, some were not

[Ashley Lyon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt like these stories could have been about me. Doyle's language has a way of putting into words the complicated feelings of being a 20-something woman teetering on the edge of growing up and trying to be a person in this world. One of the best impulsive book purchases I've made lately.

[Renae Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me a bit to get into the tempo of this book but once I did, it clicked. If you don’t like Virginia Woolf, you probably won’t like this. It is non-conventional and non-linear. The story lies in the back and forth, the in-between, carried by the breaths of the characters out into the open.

[Lexi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yup, I liked this one.

Honestly, if I was a writer, I would want to write a book like this one.

[Alan Scheer · Rating 2 out of 5]

The short story is my favourite genre so I was eager to open up this new collection of short fiction. I had to return to the book four times because I just wasn’t interested in any of it. The characterization is so wispy and nothing in the writing engaged or moved me. There seemed to be almost no plot to the stories%just moods and thoughts. Perhaps I am not the right reader for this book as I’m not young and the stories seem to be concerned with the lives of younger women. I’m sorry I didn’t make a go of it -to give it more of a chance,perhaps I’ll return to it at another point in time. Right now it doesn’t work with me. I feel no connection to these stories.

[B.S. Casey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This striking collection of interwoven short stories is an amazingly honest and heartfelt exploration into the relationships, people and moments that we have throughout our lives that shape us and change our paths, whether they endure, fade away or explode. It captures that transformative “in between” that young women experience between being a girl and an adult, when everything in intense and confusing and changing so quickly, and we aren’t sure whether to be looking back or onwards.

These stories follow a whole cast of somewhat familiar and relatable women; three siblings navigating family dynamics, rivalries and rifts, someone learning to live without their best friend for the first time, a couple try to work out what they owe to each other and themselves, a young woman longing for the people who have moved away or drifted away, friends sit in a hospital face the possibility of losing someone they love forever, a college student recalling a humiliating love story — each story has something unique and highlights such universal experiences that you can’t help but find something in them.

The prose is lyrical, poetic and warm; that provides both comfort and connection through each story. Themes of belonging, desperation, confusion, and love woven carefully throughout each character and tying together beautifully with those things that bind us together. Each voice was distinct in personality but worked together in a common ground that made everything flow easily from one story to the next.

This is a staggeringly powerful and memorable debut, I cannot wait to see what the author creates for us next.

[Matthieu · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't remember the last time I felt so seen by a book, the last time reading became such a intimate activity.

These stories capture the mundane and the transcendental, the constant intertwining relationship they have in the every day life. There's something so masterful and poetic in the writing, like reading the words and getting lost in the very personal feelings and experiences they echo. Truly a beautiful book!

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kate Doyle's debut collection is an exploration of the critical moments and decisions that define the relations of college-age (and slightly older) adults. The stories’ poignancy arises from focusing on the relatable—one can recognize their own (or their friends) past poor decision-making reflected in the characters' actions. Reading the stories brought back memories of self-doubt and alienation, but also of the discovery of how to navigate fraught situations and mature beyond them into an actualized adult. Doyle’s literary prose slowly brings into focus the characters and their relationships, commonly through time jumps that occur almost every paragraph. Some stories are more linear or more jarring in time or perspective changes, but it causes the reader to engage to make sense of the jumble of memories through which the characters communicate to us. Anyone who experienced young adulthood and true independence for the first time would relate to the struggles of the characters, and enjoy the stories contained in the book.

[Sidnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book of short stories for it's ability to capture the in-between phases that are recognizable to so many of us in our lives, particularly those that take place in our early twenties when we are out of college but not yet fully launched. I liked the re-occurring character of Helen, a young woman of promise who just seems unable to take flight- and who can blame her? There was also the friends made during a very specific point - sharing a college dorm or study abroad and what happens from there, or the first relationships we have when we realize they likely won't be the ones that last. More than anything, Doyle so accurately captures these feelings of discomfort, of sadness, and or wearily not yet becoming.

[Jala Byrd · Rating 1 out of 5]

What I thought was gonna be an easy read turned into several days of sitting in a shelf. It could be that fact that I’m in my early 20s and the stories just seemed a bit too obvious for me. Maybe I’ll reread this in a couple years and feel nostalgic rather than hopeless.

[Mary-Kate McGeary · Rating 5 out of 5]

purchased, started and finished this book in one day, couldn’t put it down.

[milo · Rating 5 out of 5]

best way to explain it is these are like the short stories i write if the short stories i write were devastating true and strange. more of it please

[Sabrina Blandon]

https://www.hercampus.com/school/nyu/...

[bailey diamond · Rating 4 out of 5]

beautiful prose & interesting quirky stories! luv