Closer to Love

by Vex King

Beloved spiritual teacher Vex King follows up his international bestseller Good Vibes, Good Life with this essential guide to building meaningful, mindful, and loving relationships. It is nearly impossible to build healthy, sustainable bonds with others without first having a good relationship with yourself. To get along with others, we often alter our habits or subsume our unique personalities. By trying to transform or suppress our true selves, we erode our self-worth and self-knowledge. We begin to lose sight of who we really are and what we truly want. When are self-understanding and self-confidence are damaged, it ultimately hurts our relationships. Humans are social animals. In this wise and transformative book, Vex King helps us find and sustain the connections we want with ourselves and others. Good relationships begin with loving ourselves and recognizing our own desires and needs. This self-discovery allows our best selves to radiate with confidence and to attract and choose partners—romantic and platonic—who are truly compatible. When we feel comfortable in our own skin, we are able to give and receive love without being blocked by the destructive emotions and past trauma that previously held us back and prevented us from forming fulfilling and lasting relationships. Filled with Vex King’s profound wisdom, thoughtful self-practices, and easy-to adopt-habit builders, this guide opens you up to the love you deserve and shows you how to bring it into your life.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Love, Psychology, Audiobook

335 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 13, 2023

About the author

Vex King is the Number 1 Sunday Times Bestselling author of Good Vibes, Good Life, and Healing is the New High. He is also a social media content creator and mind coach. He experienced many challenges when he was growing up: his father died when Vex was just a baby, his family were often homeless and he grew up in troubled neighbourhoods where he regularly experienced violence and racism. Despite this, Vex successfully turned his whole life around and is now leading a revolution for the next generation of spiritual seekers.

As a major voice in the world of personal development, Vex shares deep spiritual knowledge in a way that's easy to understand, with stories from his own life, great inspirational quotes and practical solutions.

For more inspiration from Vex, follow his popular social media platforms (all @vexking) and sign up to his mailing list at: www.vexking.com

Reviews

[Kate Henderson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think Vex King talks a lot of sense. There's a lot of common sense - but there is a lot sense in his words and his writing.
However, I felt that this book talked a lot of waffle.
There wasn't a lot of new information in this book - there was a lot of case studies, but it was lacking any real deeper insight, or profound info on the topic like King's other books.

I didn't enjoy this book because I didn't get much from it. Disappointing.

[jude⋆°. (IS EDITING REVIEWS) · Rating 3 out of 5]

'Closer to Love' is a phenomenal guide to falling in love with yourself, knowing what you deserve and setting your boundaries straight.

This book provided me with invaluable insight into the power of self-love and how I can use it to love myself the way I am.

From the author’s personal experiences to the useful tips and prompting, this book was filled with information that I could apply to my own life. I found the author’s writing style to be engaging and easy to understand, and I was particularly impressed by the abundance of research and evidence provided throughout the book. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to better understand themselves and love that comes their way.

Self-love is important in a relationship because it helps to create a strong foundation of trust, respect, and understanding between partners. When both partners have a positive sense of self-love, they can communicate openly and honestly without fear of judgment. Self-love also leads to greater self-awareness, which can help each partner understand their own needs and boundaries better, which in turn can help to create a healthier and more respectful relationship.

Understanding our own boundaries is just as important in a relationship. In the end, it's all about making us our own priority.

It involves understanding and accepting one’s own strengths and weaknesses, and being kind and compassionate to oneself. It is about taking the time to nurture oneself and recognizing one’s worth and value.

So don't forget to pamper yourself and fall in love with someone who does the same. Stay hydrated– and last but not the least, feel closer to love with this amazing book. Go grab your copy.

[Wendi Ellis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vex King has managed to create a truly illuminating guide for anyone struggling with relationships (and, let's face it, that's most of us)! Insightful, sensitive, informative, uplifting, and unique are just some of the adjectives that come to mind when reading through it. I've read many books in this genre and can honestly say that nothing has spoken to me more than 'Closer to Love'. It's a guide, a manual, and a source of wisdom for anyone wanting to deepen their connections and discover the beauty of unconditional love. A real game changer!

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good reminder

I'm a big fan of Vex King and have loved all of his other works. Sadly, this is my least favorite of his. It felt a bit lacking.
He supplies tools to form mature and meaningful relationships. He utilizes his personal experiences, case studies, and other various works/books to back what he says. He offers prompts to help you work through things and grow. King provides insight into the power of self-love and its importance in all forms of love and relationships.

I appreciate how it helped me self-reflect and think about what I bring into my relationship. Most importantly, how to work through past traumas so as not to bring the negativity into my relationship. This book is not as deep or profound as his other work. It doesn't provide anything insightful about relationships as I had hoped. The majority is common sense. I do appreciate the reminders and validations that I needed for my relationship.

"Love can be a paradoxical world. As you crave
connection, you are afraid of rejection. While
you want emotional bonding, you find it diffi-
cult to convey your feelings."

"Vulnerability is the key to creating a strong
trusting relationship. It's when you open up to
someone and show your weaknesses that you
will discover whether you can trust them or not.
If they give you the love and support you need, when they could have hurt you instead, you'll know that you can trust them with your heart."

[Brandan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Had the pleasure of getting a pre release copy of this book. Having read all of Vex Kings books I can say this one is no different than the others, when I say he writes books that change lives I really mean it. This book is full of skills and techniques to really become the best version of yourself and as a partner. It really helps you self reflect and understand how to learn about what you bring to the table and how problems or struggles you have can be fixed when looking inwards. I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone who wants to grow as a partner and bring the best out of all your relationships!

[Katie Hunt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one is definitely an eye opener! All about relationships with other people and yourself. Vex King is such a great author and the way he writes just gets you thinking about your life and the way you perceive relationships.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did not pick this book up because of conflict or the need to rekindle that 'in love' feeling. I picked it up because I was attracted to the cover, and it called to me. Closer to Love is a thought-provoking book to reflect on your relationships. This book puts 'love' into perspective beautifully and is packaged with so much good stuff.

Chapter 1: Closer to Me, Closer to You
LET GO
No relationship is a total waste. Despite how painful they may be, they teach you about what you want and what you don't want. They can remind you that you deserve better. And if it's bad enough, a bad relationship can be a catalyst for a journey inward. But no relationship, either with a past lover or friend or family member, is worth damaging future opportunities to connect with others or yourself.

Just like emotional baggage, unreasonable expectations crowd our hearts and suffocate relationships. True love feels like freedom, emotional liberation, a chance to be loved exactly as you are and to love another for exactly who they are.

For any couple out there, remember it's your journey, and there's no timeline or opinion that you need to follow to pursue it correctly. Live, learn, love, and grow ─ together.
The more self-awareness you have, the better you will be at putting yourself out there and going on to be a stable partner. Sometimes, one half of a couple may have found that inner balance while the other half has unresolved issues. That's OK, because one can help the other to grow if they are ready and willing to do so. Even if you have issues you are still grappling with, you can work through them with a partner and create a stronger bond if there is a supportive space in the relationship to do so.

Chapter 2: Closed Heart, Open Heart
Instead of saying, "I'm like this because such happened to me," I prefer the statement, "This happened to me, but I'm not going to let it stop me from finding happiness."

When you start a new relationship, no doubt you are on a high. You feel great about yourself because you are loved, admired, appreciated, and wanted. Your self-worth rises to new levels because someone loves you. It's all music and roses. When the relationship ends, you take a nosedive, experiencing feelings of failure and self-doubt, thinking there's something wrong with you, or that you're not 'good enough'. That's a terrible penance to pay, and one we inflict on ourselves without mercy. It's funny how, when we are in love, our attention shifts fully to the other person as they become the center of our world. On the other hand, after a painful breakup, we turn in on ourselves and over-obsess on our failures.

Chapter 3: Making Space
You know that every time you come home and your partner has left a mess, you end up causing a mindless argument with them. The argument goes too far, you apologize, and wind up admitting the anger was mostly due to a stressful day at work.
It doesn't have to be dishes in the sink. If you are on edge emotionally, anything could tip you over. Unfortunately, we tend to let that be our partner because we know they will still be there once we've dumped our emotional baggage onto them. The key to change in this scenario is to acknowledge the stress you feel from work, cope with it in ways that are rejuvenating, and be compassionate with yourself and your partner when you are emotionally heightened. You know that, today, a dirty dish could set you off. You also know it's not worth fighting with the one you love over it. Now, when you see the dishes on walking in after a long day, let it trigger a warm embrace with your partner. Their love is a powerful antidote to cumulative negative emotions you may have experienced throughout the day.

SELF-BETRAYAL LOOKS LIKE:
‣ Saying 'Yes' when you want to say 'No'.
‣ Putting the needs of others before your own.
‣ Compromising your values to keep others comfortable.
‣ Performing to feel loved and wanted.

Chapter 4: Decoding Attraction
I'm sure you'll discover that the person who is right for you is the one who loves you the way you are and doesn't ask you to change anything about yourself. Who wouldn't want that? At the same time, you are only the right person for them if you don't expect them to be someone else either. If you want your new partner to change, then you aren't with the person that you wanted to be with in the first place, and nor are they.

Chapter 5: Ten Relationship Rules
Rule One: Keep doing the little things
Rule Two: Disagree fairly
Rule Three: Honour intimacy
(There are multiple layers of intimacy within any relationship. Some are physical and others emotional. Some levels of intimacy can feel almost spiritual. When you feel intimate with someone, you are able to share your true self with them, no mask attached. This non-judgemental safe space is where relationships are deeply nurtured.)
Rule Four: Do the dishes
(Honestly, never underestimate the impact clean dishes can have on a relationship. This is more about establishing balance in a relationship and doing your bit to keep things on an even keel.)
Rule Five: Have the hard talks
(Think of all the imagined issues we create simply because we choose to ruminate instead of communicating. Problems delayed are problems multiplied. Have the hard conversations now and fewer regrets later.)
Rule Six: Never compare
Rule Seven: Have a plan
Rule Eight: Hold space
Rule Nine: Friendship first
Rule Ten: Prioritize personal growth

I recommend it as a guide for building a healthy, meaningful connection or for reminders that deepen your understanding of yourself and relationships. Everyone could benefit from this book.

[Emma Hardy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really practical interactive guide to help you think about your situation, and love. This isnt a book that you need to read from cover to cover as depending on the situation, different sections may apply. As a single person, I found the start better than the second half, but that could switch in the future.

This has some practical tips too- with the books advice, I took the attachment style quiz and could see how it links to my current circs.

Insightful and interesting.

[Joyce de Nooijer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I rated this book with 3 stars, don’t get me wrong I love Vex King’s writings. But this book did not brought me any new insights. I did reminder me of some things I already knew and I will integrate in my life.

[Kim Coenen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heel lang geleden las ik ook al een ander boek van Vex King. Dit boek kende ik nog niet, maar aangezien de app van mijn luisterboeken me dit boek adviseerde, besloot ik om deze tip op te volgen.De komende wandelingen ga ik genieten en alles ontdekken over zinvolle en liefdevolle relaties. Ik ben erg nieuwsgierig.

Vex King legt je in deze praktische, emotionele en spirituele gids uit hoe je kan werken aan diepere en meer vervullende liefde. In drie duidelijke stappen helpt Vex King je beter begrijpen welke rol je speelt binnen je relatie en welke invloed dit heeft. Hij inspireert om zinvolle en bewuste verbinding op te bouwen met jezelf en een ander, waardoor je authentiek en onvoorwaardelijk lief kan hebben.
Vex deelt onder andere tips op het gebied van:
- Ontdekken wat voor soort relatie bij jou past
- Hoe je een goede verbinding met jezelf krijgt en deze kan ontwikkelen
- Zie wie je werkelijk bent en welke rol je wilt spelen in relaties
- Hoe pak je de meest gangbare problemen aan in een relatie
- Het ontwikkelen van zelfliefde om ongezonde verwachtingen, onterechte trouw en onzekerheden te overwinnen
- Hoe je oprecht en onvoorwaardelijk lief kan hebben

Het verhaal van Vex King is ingesproken door Roel Fooij. In het begin had ik wat moeite met zijn uitspraak en stemgeluid, zeker doordat hij soms een wat kauwend (een beetje Amerikaans/Nederlands) woordgebruik heeft. Dat is niet helemaal mijn persoonlijke smaak, maar het verhaal van Vex King is erg interessant, inspirerend en leerzaam dus besloot ik het boek toch verder te luisteren.

Vex King heeft daarentegen een hele vlotte, enthousiaste en heldere manier waarop hij zijn verhaal verwoordt. Hij weet zijn boodschap, kennis en zijn persoonlijke verhalen heel krachtig en sterk te verwoorden. Daarbij is het ook nog eens erg fijn dat hij soms dingen opsomt om deze op een rijtje en helder te krijgen. Ook vind ik het erg krachtig dat hij zijn eigen liefde en liefdesrelaties door de jaren heen op open wijze weet te bespreken.

Naast de heldere kennis en inzichten die Vex King deelt, weet hij ook enorm goede tips, handvatten en kritische vragen te stellen die je aan het denken zetten over je eigen liefdesleven en de manier waarop jij dingen aanpakt. Meerdere tips en handvatten die hij deelde zijn voor mij persoonlijk enorm helpend en ondersteunend en kan ik ook direct in mijn eigen leven toepassen. Door zijn verhaal ben ik ook bepaalde elementen in mijn leven met andere ogen gaan bekijken.

Closer to love is een helder, inspirerend en erg leerzaam verhaal van Vex King over het vinden van verbinding en het creëren van pure relaties. Naast zijn persoonlijke verhaal, zijn kennis en inzichten biedt hij ook enorm waardevolle tips, handvatten en weet hij kritische vragen te stellen die je over je eigen liefdesleven aan het denken zetten. Erg inspirerend boek. 

[Claire Gamble · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really wonderful reminder about love 💕
‘Love is a gift you owe to yourself. Embrace it every moment of your life’ ❤️

[Terka (terez_cita) Terka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Knihy Vexa Kinga majú vždy niečo do seba. Tak ako ma oslovila hneď jeho prvá kniha Dobré vibrácie, dobrý život, rovnako som chcela prečitať aj tie ďalšie. Toto je jeho tretia kniha, ktorá je najmä o vzťahoch, a nielen tých partnerských. Bližšie k láske 📖 ide do detailov, čo sa týka nášho nastavenia vo vzťahu k partnerovi/partnerke i k sebe samému. V dnešnej uponáhľanej a trochu tak aj povrchnej dobe je dobré si ju prečítať. V mnohom nám otvorí oči, je ako taký našepkávač v tom, čo môžeme vylepšiť vo vzťahu a naopak čomu sa vyvarovať, je o tom, že “láska lieči a je neochvejná, aj keď ste plní pochybností, že všetci máme právo na lásku.” Je dôležité vytvoriť si bohaté vzťahy založené na rešpekte, intimite, komunikácii a úprimnosti. A takto by som mohla pokračovať ďalej, ale nechcem vás oberať o zážitok a predovšetkým slová, ktoré musia “vojsť do vás” v ten správny čas.

[maité · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.75 ⭐ — there's a lot of common sense in this book which didn't really engage me whatsoever, because why are you writing a book about common sense???
the author mainly talks about romantic relationships and I was hoping to read about platonic and familial relationships as well... then it was mostly about breakups, overcoming bad and/or toxic relationships, how to spot if you are in a toxic relationship etc. only a few chapters talked about working on your relationship that's not toxic but has normal relationship problems. anyway, wasn't worth my time, skipped a lot at the end and definitely won't read again or recommend.

[Chantal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Voor wie vaker boeken leest omtrent relaties en zelfontwikkeling zegt dit boek weinig nieuws en ik heb het dan ook wat scannend doorgelezen. Aan de andere kant is het wel fijn dat alles hier zo overzichtelijk en begrijpelijk in staat en zou ik, als ik van 0 zou beginnen, dit boek wel als eerste willen lezen.

[Harsh Tyagi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vex King! The wonderfully celebrated and acclaimed author and mind coach comes out with a new book, my first book from the author, taking us on a journey to self-awareness, helping us learn how to create habits, mindsets and practices that will enrich our lives and encourage healthy, thriving and authentic relationships.

I took a glance at the contents of the book and that was enough for me to fall in love with the book. Divided into three parts, the book discusses mastering the role we play within our connections, fostering meaningful and mindful relationships with others and the fundamentals of authentic, unconditional love.

We all deserve a relationship where we are seen, heard, understood, and accepted for who we really are. We all are looking for someone who understands where we are coming from.

Pick this book up to -
° Use your heartbreak as a catalyst for your growth.
° Discover why you keep repeating unhealthy relationship dynamics.
° Actualizs your ability to build thriving relationships, romantic and otherwise.

The first step is to build a close relationship with ourselves. Tools to achieve this includes l journaling, spritual, physical, and mental self-care, maintaining hobbies/interests and self-regulation. No relationship is always glamorous, conflicts are everywhere.

With the gorgeously soothing book cover, this one is phenomenal. It's not a book to be read in a rush, it's to take in slowly. I'm definitely going to re-read this one. I'm happy that this book radiates positive vibes!

[Chloe Conroy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too repetitive, got the memo by half way through

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Audio book

[Siobhan Jackson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Still unsure why I bothered, like his other books I've attempted, he just waffles and there is nothing new here - it's all taken from other people. Absolutely nothing original. I couldn't finish it.

[the bookworm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, what a beautiful book it is. If anything, I do feel more open to the concept of love than I ever was. This generation needs to read this. With everything being so accessible, I think we have started to treat humans like things. One thing this book emphasized more than anything is, "You need to love yourself and know yourself in order to love someone else." 5/5 ⭐️

[Valentina Valentina · Rating 4 out of 5]

#maiaproapedeiubire
#vexking
#nonficțiune
#relații, #dezvoltarepersonalã, #inteligențãrelaționalã, #inteligențãemoționalã

Am început aceastã carte cu o abordare circumspectã, pe de o parte pentru cã genul nu se încadreazã între preferatele mele, pe de alta de frica maculaturii pe aceastã temã.

În cele din urmã nu consider cã a fost o pierdere de vreme, poate și pentru cã se citește repede (și comod, pe Voxa), dar mai ales pentru cã am rãmas cu niște idei și întrebãri deschise în urma lecturii.

1. Iubirea nu e o tranzacție. Nu te iubesc pentru cã mã iubești sau pentru cã faci asta sau cealaltã pentru mine, ci pur și simplu pentru cã te iubesc.

2. Atunci când îți iubești necondiționat partenerul, cât ești dispus sã îl accepți așa cum e el, fãrã sã încerci sã îl schimbi dupã gustul tãu? (Bineînțeles, nu vorbim despre comportamente abuzive sau toxice, nesãnãtoase, ci pur și simplu despre viziuni diferite privind unele aspecte.)

3. Atunci când cineva îmi povestește despre un plan personal, o idee, un vis, sper că niciodată nu am venit cu răspunsuri care să înceapă cu „da, dar…” sau doar cu contra argumente sau nu am început să vorbesc doar despre experiențele mele personale. Mie mi s-a făcut și una, și alta, și este foarte dezamăgitor. Nu spun că trebuie să aprobăm orice 100% doar de dragul de a nu contrazice, spun doar că nu ar trebui să distrugem avântul cuiva doar pentru că idea nu ni se potrivește nouă: „Când cineva îți împărtășește ceea ce este încântat să facă, încercă să nu îți exprimi îndoiala sau îngrijorarea. Deși părerea ta ar putea fi benefică, respingerea imediată a încrederii cuiva în sine poate face, pe termen lung, mai mult rău decât bine.”

Las mai jos câteva citate care fie mi-au plăcut, fie mi s-au părut interesante ca punct de plecare pentru alte discuții:

„În terapia relațională imago, inițiată în mare parte de dr. Harville Hendrix, teoria spune că ne îndrăgostim de cineva care deține cheia trecutului nostru. Este și persoana care ne poate incita să creștem și să ne maturizăm. Deși ne naștem întregi și compleți, acumulăm experiențe de viață atât pozitive, cât și negative de la părinții sau îngrijitorii noștri și ne formăm o imagine a acestora, imago, în mintea noastră inconștientă. Căutăm apoi pe cineva care să corespundă acestei imagini în relațiile noastre romantice și ne dorim ca partenerul nostru să ne vindece de acele răni și cicatrici timpurii create de părinții noștri.”

„În conflict, sunteți voi doi împotriva problemei, nu unul împotriva celuilalt.”

„Iubirea nu se rezumă mereu la discuții profunde, eforturi susținute, daruri extravagante sau peisaje idilice. Uneori iubirea înseamnă să râzi la glume proaste, să-i știi melodia preferată sau să faci câțiva pași de dans spontani în timpul cumpărăturilor.”

„Întâlnirile romantice și-au pierdut sensul de explorare, aventură și libertate. Se concentrează mai puțin pe a-l descoperi pe celălalt așa cum este și pe conexiuni unice și mai mult pe a găsi pe cineva care se potrivește unui tipar bazat vag pe așteptări nerealiste.”

„În ce moment acceptăm că relațiile sunt dificile? Relațiile necesită muncă. Scâteia atracției, în numeroasele sale forme, te va apropia de cineva, dar ceea ce face atracția să prospere este dorința a doi oameni de a se modela unul în jurul celuilalt. Nu uita: nu longevitatea este secretul; împlinirea prin dragoste autentică este țelul. Dar acest lucru se poate pierde foarte des în complexitatea dansului întâlnirilor.”

„Gândește-te la ceea ce îi face plăcere partenerului tău și întreabă-te dacă tu hrănești aceste nevoi sau le ignori.”

„Nu judeca niciodată povestea cuiva după pagina la care se deschide cartea. Acordă-ți timp pentru a-i descoperi capitolele sale anterioare.”

„Maturitatea emoțională constă în a avea un dezacord fără a umili, a învinovăți, a insulta și a-ți proiecta traumele emoționale asupra altcuiva.”

„Mânia, rădăcina certurilor, este o emoție secundară care apare întotdeauna după alt sentiment – de pildă sentimentul că ești uitat, nedorit, respins, neglijat, că nu ești suficient de bun sau că ești singur. Partenerul tău te poate face, chiar și fără intenție, să simți unele sau toate aceste lucruri. Sunt emoțiile pe care trebuie să le pui pe masă dacă vrei o discuție conștientă și un rezultat pozitiv.”

„De multe ori, pare că pierdem orice dram de claritate în relațiile noastre. Reacționăm la factori declanșatori emoționali și chiar irităm intenționat persoana de lângă noi. Este ca și cum ne-am transforma într-un adolescent problematic, care are adesea crize. Dar acest comportament nu este intenționat. Pur și simplu nu ne gândim la ceea ce facem sau la răul pe care ni-l provocăm nouă și partenerului nostru procedând astfel. Modelele de comportament inconștient pot include șantaj emoțional, manipulare, inducere în eroare sau implicare în jocuri mentale chinuitoare pentru a demonstra ceva. Din acest motiv, vorbim foarte des despre mindfulness: conștientizându-ne defectele, vom găsi și soluții la problemele cu care cuplul se confruntă.

Știi cum se întâmplă: partenerul se întinde după telefon imediat ce vă duceți la culcare, partenera continuă să facă planuri care nu te includ și pe tine...și așa mai departe. Ți se vorbește ca și cum ai fi un idiot, partenerul de viață îți adresează remarci sarcastice, mormăi ceva jignitor în barbă, te întorci acasă și dai iarăși de o grămadă de vase murdare, indiscreții din trecut pe care nu le poți uita...Toate acestea și multe altele sunt doar câteva moduri în care cuplurile interacționează prost.

În astfel de cazuri, nu vedem imaginea de ansamblu, ci suntem absorbiți într-un vortex de durere și de furie. Ne concentrăm pe ce se spune sau nu și ne simțim atât de provocați emoțional încât parcă am trăi într-o stare permanentă de nebunie. Reacțiile ne sunt controlate de răspunsurile noastre de tip luptă sau fugi, iar inteligența relațională este exclusă. În loc să ne apropiem, nu facem decât să ne înstrăinăm și să ne îndepărtăm tot mai mult unul de celălalt.”

„Iubirea de sine nu înseamnă singurătate. Ea încurajează conexiuni mai sănătoase.”

„Prin natura ei, iubirea nu este niciodată dureroasă, dar așteptările și cererile pot fi.”

„Partenerul tău îți onorează principiile, chiar dacă nu este de acord cu ele?”

„Nu există doi oameni la fel și, desi este posibil să ai multe în comun cu partenerul tău, nu înseamnă că trebuie să fii mereu de acord cu el. Varietatea este condimentul vieții, așa că accept-o. Chiar dacă te simți provocat de opiniile sale puternice cu privire la religie, politică sau el are valori care s-ar putea să nu se potrivească cu ale tale, poți trece peste. Creează un spațiu pentru dialog, astfel încât să-l poți înțelege cu adevărat și nu uita că, recunoscându-i individualitatea, îi demonstrezi cât de mult ții la el.”

„Marele poet austriac Rainer Maria Rilke scria: «Odată acceptată conștientizarea că și între cele mai appropriate ființte umane există o distanță infinită, se poate dezvolta o minunată conviețuire, dacă partenerii reușesc să iubească distanța dintre ei, care le oferă posibilitatea de a se vedea unul pe celălalt ca întreg.»”

„Fă-ți partenerul să înțeleagă că ești alături de el când se străduiește să-și atingă visurile. Dacă asta înseamnă să conduci trei ore pentru a-l duce la un turneu de squash sau să îl ajuți să aleagă o nouă ținută pentru un interviu important, fii acolo pentru el. Participă la îndeplinirea visurilor sale și arată-i că își poate întinde aripile fără teama de a te pierde. Dacă simți că te suprasoliciți, discută cu partenerul tău despre acest lucru. Găsiți modalități de a fi flexibili cu planurile voastre, conveniți asupra unor compromisuri, astfel încât să nu riști să îți sacrifice propriile visuri pentru a le îndeplini pe ale lui.”

„La început, dragostea este ca energia explosivă a unei rachete la lansare. Suntem alimentați de emoții puternice și suntem gata să ne înălțăm până la cer. Decolarea este, de obicei, spectaculoasă, energia fiind eliberată atât de explosiv, încât ne propulsează până sus în nori și dincolo de ei. Cine nu recunoaște și nu tânjește după aceste sentiment de sinergie totală cu o altă persoană?”

Cărți menționate de autor care mi-au atras atenția:

1.The fantasy bond: structure of psychological defenses (Robert Firestone)
2. Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy: The Dynamics of Emotion, Love and Power (Leslie Greenberg & Rhonda Goldman)
3. Emotion-Focused Therapy for Depression (Leslie Greenberg & Jeanne Watson)
4. Liquid love (Zygmunt Bauman)
5. Creierul se transformă (Norman Doidge)
6. Stilurile de atașament. O nouă teorie a atașamentului. Cum să găsești și să păstrezi o relație de cuplu fericită. (Amir Levine și Rachel Heller)

[Violina Serban · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excelentă! 🤗

[Mike Fazio · Rating 2 out of 5]

I followed this author online and took a risk buying this book. I went in with an open heart and came out frustrated. I want to start with praise. There are some good ideas within the pages but for me, they were few and far between. This book covers most of what love encompasses and I’m sure readers will find something to resonate within it.
I felt this was heavily weighted towards breakups and the sad side of love. Only in the final moments did I feel the author spoke about how great love could be. Very rarely were there concrete ideas. There seemed to be no straight direction on the authors guided tour of love. And I know there isn’t one with love, but I found it to be too discombobulated for my taste.
The sentiments throughout are beautiful and well intentioned. But at no point did I feel I was getting closer to love or have a more meaningful understanding of relationships.
I was along for the ride until the end when the author completely lost me. My biggest gripe was the pseudoscience which the author highlighted. The author also disclaimed that it is not scientifically respected and is controversial. So I was warned at least. The energy fields and love resonating at certain frequencies is an out there idea, and I know some people that associate with it. But my opinion is that it’s pure bunk. Love isn’t concrete by any means but this one is stretching it.
This was my experience with the book. I truly intend to keep it and re-read it at some point in my life. Hopefully I will have a different take on it. I wanted to love it and I know some people will enjoy it. And to them and the author I say much love. Thank you for an experience. Having read many books in the genre, this was just one below the grade for me.

[Synthia Salomon · Rating 3 out of 5]

For Vex King, love can be encapsulated in three concepts: love as an action, love as a vibration, and love as a way of life.

You can’t give what you don’t have. So you can’t begin to form meaningful connections when you have yet to establish a true connection with yourself. That’s why if you want to experience love in its most authentic form, it’s vital to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-love first.

The secret to transforming your approach to relationships is connection: connection with yourself and connection with your partner. To connect with yourself, you need to discover who you are deep down, from your needs and boundaries to your emotional scars and attachment style. Only when you connect and work on yourself will you be able to form genuine relationships. 

Once you get into a relationship, you then need to dedicate yourself to connecting with your partner. Learn how to handle their triggers, keep the love burning, and manage conflicts that come your way. Relationships demand ongoing effort, and they will only thrive when you give them consistent care and cultivation. 

[Amit Bharti · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book, the author provides practical insights about forming a good relationship with ourselves first and helps in recognizing enriching and thriving love relationships.

I loved reading this book as it delves into the reality of love life. Most of us fail to establish a healthy relationship with anyone and blame others, but we lack some minor elements which lead to such pitfalls in relationships.

After reading this book, I gained clarity on numerous subjects that provide a sustaining and meaningful bond with our partner, and how to keep it lasting.

We often struggle with trivial issues in relationships and lack the proper analysis that causes most of the problems in existing relationships. This book can teach readers how to establish a new relationship, and if someone is struggling with an existing one, it can help to fix those issues.

I loved the prevailing ideas and techniques in this book and would love to recommend it.

[Scout Collins · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

I have to start by saying this book was nowhere near as good as Good Vibes, Good Life for me (as that book was 5/5 stars). Closer to Love was generally pretty easy to get through and I liked hearing the author's thoughts/insights, but this isn't a book I would likely reread (unlike Good Vibes).

There were some good messages, reminders and tips. However, people who read relationship/psychology books already may have heard of some of these ideas/concepts before. If you are new to reading on this subject, I'd highly recommend this book as a good, light intro.
For this reason, I will round up to 4 stars, even though my rating is probably closer to 3.

It did take me a while to finish this book (it was my 'commuting book' to read only when I was out), but I remember the first half or so of the book being interesting and keeping my attention more, while the second half kept my attention less. I think the second half was less "new" to me, so it was less interesting.

My main issue with the book is how most of it did not stick with me (I'm writing this review about a month later). I marked down some important pages/reminders but I don't remember most of the important messages on my own. I like books that are so impactful that their messages and quotes are imprinted on you. Unfortunately, although this book had many good messages, they weren't unique enough for me (personally - this may not apply to others) to remember.

The book is divided like this:
PT 1: Self: Mastering Role you play within your connections
1: Closer to Me, Closer to You (knowing who you really are, common blockages to receiving and giving love, let go, the myth of true love, getting closer to yourself)
2: Closed Heart, Open Heart (attachment styles, free yourself from attachments, dealing with heartbreak, healing the heart, how to build relationships after heartbreak, heart has no limits, it's ok to grieve, seek inner joy and peace, give space to your pain)
3: Making Space (4 phases of grief, check what bad behaviours you're doing, communication pitfalls, 'what matters the most to you?', facing your emotions, expectations of yourself and others, needs/boundaries/self-betrayal)
4: Decoding Attraction (types of attraction: physical, romantic, emotional, aesthetic, intellectual, spiritual, sexual; dynamics: compete vs. control, active vs. passive, aggressive vs. accommodating, disconnected/parallel lives, accepting and balanced)

PT 2: Together: How to foster meaningful/mindful relationships with others
5: Ten Relationship Rules
6: Your demons vs. their demons ("Never judge someone's story by the page you landed on. Take time to learn about their previous chapters." (162); how to reconnect, what do you need, autonomy)
7: Being vulnerable (daring to love, 'vulnerability is the doorway to intimacy', trust/insecurity)
8: When to walk away ('should I stay or should I go?', the 4 Horsemen)

Pt 3: Love: The fundamentals of authentic, unconditional love
9: Love is a Verb (companionship/commitment/passion triangle, acts of love, building your friendship, cultivating shared bonds, creating a strong heart connection)
10: Love is a Vibe (levels of consciousness, habits that increase the love vibe, "do a relationship self-check often and ask yourself if you are meeting your needs while honouring your partner's" (296))
11: Love is a Way of Life (love is for everyone, power of love, how to choose love, rights within relationships, 'love isn't blind)

Pt 3 was by far the worst part of the book for me, I found it not super relevant/interesting. I found Chapter 11 to be the most boring/too obvious or unnecessary part of the book.

Significant Pages
7
20, 21(?)
29
32
/ 55
60
63
73
83
85
90
/ 114
/ 132
137
140 (?)
143
144
147
/ 185
190 - "Do You Love Me?"
194
198
203
213
/229
230
231
/ 256
291
292*
303 (1st paragraph)
309

-list of 10 rules:
1: Keep doing the little things
2: Disagree fairly
3: Honour intimacy
4: Do the dishes
5: Have the hard talks
6: Never compare
7: Have a plan
8: Hold space
9: Friendship first
10: Prioritize personal growth

Things I Liked
Key insights at end of chapter were good - they summarized each chapter well. I always like when books include a good summary at the end of the chapter.

The examples/stories of couples were also good - they illustrated the author's points well and made the book more applicable/practical for the reader.

Quotes
"You may truly yearn for stability, yet keep rocking the boat with your volatile outbursts or inconsistent behaviour." (82)

"If Kelly is being a pain in the neck, there are plenty more Kellys out there. When Rashid gets on your nerves, you can easily ghost him and move on to the next one. Forget sustainability - we want disposability, or at least that's how it looks from the outside." (168)


Things I didn't like
I get his point, but I think sometimes it is okay to ask for an explanation when someone says no, it's okay to explain why you're saying no, and there's nothing wrong with open, honest communication:
"You have a right to say 'no' in a relationship without having to explain yourself every time. Although you might not know it, a single 'no' is a complete sentence.... In the same way, respect your partner's boundaries and don't keep asking them to explain themselves when they say no. Be tolerant, not demanding" (304)

In conclusion, I would recommend this book, especially to people new to relationship/self-help books. It was a worthwhile read for me, even if I didn't remember all the important parts.

[Apurva Barve · Rating 5 out of 5]

When it comes to relationships, the questions have always been tough and on a personal level very complex to keep up with the situation that one faces or the situation he doesn’t know how to handle. And particularly in a world where there is so much of an influence on social media and how the world looks at you. When it comes to your social presence, relationships can be a bit hard to maintain and the standards of having a good relationship seemed to be a bit hyped up, not necessarily, Those must be the right standard that one must follow everyone’s way and everyone’s approach to love themselves, their partner or at all to react to someone who is around them is always different. Certain standards set by social media or the ones that are fed into our minds by our peers can sometimes be harmful for a person living in a good relationship with everything or worse for a person who is trying to catch up with all these things. Well, it is not a new thing or it is not also a simple thing that can be solved by just talking out what one needs to understand, how things are actually going to happen or how things are in reality, and how the approach is! If you are someone who is facing this kind of problem, well the book “closer to love” by Vex King is the book for you! Before we hop into the book, let’s talk about the author,Vex King is the Number 1 Sunday Times Bestselling author of Good Vibes, Good Life, and Healing is the New High. He is also a social media content creator and mind coach. He experienced many challenges when he was growing up: his father died when Vex was just a baby, his family were often homeless and he grew up in troubled neighbourhoods where he regularly experienced violence and racism. Despite this, Vex successfully turned his whole life around and is now leading a revolution for the next generation of spiritual seekers.As a major voice in the world of personal development, Vex shares deep spiritual knowledge in a way that's easy to understand, with stories from his own life, great inspirational quotes and practical solutions.(Source : Good reads ) A book which is very simple to read and understand, chalks out every possibility of what love is, how to increase it, how to make things better and what are the key insights that one must keep into his mind while trying out this process. The book has been divided into three sections or parts where each section has its own topic to talk about. When we talk about the parts, the author has constructed the book on the following parts, the self – mastering the role you play within your connections, part two, which is together – how to foster meaningful and mindful relationships with others, which talks about love – the fundamentals of authentic and unconditional love. And within these parts, the book goes on talking on how one can create stronger relationships and love themselves or love yourself deeply. After going through this book, I believe that the author has put a lot of effort and research into the understanding of people and what real problems are around the world. I believe this is a practical guide, not only which would help people to understand what the reality is, what the problems are, and how they can actually develop a clear and concise image of their role in maintaining the connections, not only with their partners, but also with themselves. The fact that the world is getting more and more on the separate site in terms of emotions, feelings and building relationships together, I believe that people who are genuinely attracted to the fact that they can build their relationship which can sustain not only to the decade and or towards the end of their life, would feel that this book is The one that checks out every facts or every fundamental thing that can be implemented, or that should be eliminated from their relationships, from their heart, or in general out of their life. . to summarise whatever I feel about this book, I believe that this book is a must read for everyone, not only for someone who is trying to get out of the problems in terms of relationships or connections in his life. But also for someone who is yet to enter this area or the face of his life. This book would not only give you a clear idea of what’s going to happen and what are the real situations based into a practical life. It would also give you a good display of what an ideal, lovable and passionate life is. If I had to describe this book in three words, those would be ideal, practical and guided.And I appreciate him for having the picture of the dog, definitely these cuties teach us more about love and relationship. Kudos to the author.

[Michael David · Rating 2 out of 5]

My sister saw this in one of the ads for the Big Bad Wolf sale, and told me to purchase it, so I did. Frankly, I didn't know who Vex King is, and I didn't really care. After all, I thought that Erich Fromm's Art of Loving was the go-to read when it comes to love or its nature and that perspective didn't really change.

I had no intentions on making this my first read of 2024, but she told me that I should read it first before her, so I did. I figured that it wouldn't take too long, since the text seemed to be for the everyman rather than a more cerebral reader like me.

Having read Barker's Plays Well with Others recently, I can't help but be reminded of the similarity of the themes. Although Closer to Love has a more conversational tone, even the studies referred to by both books were similar, such as Gottman's study on how relationships are destroyed by the four horsemen (p. 237). Both books also feature similar ideas regarding vulnerability and authenticity, which helps me think that King's work is a bit derivative.

While I don't dispute the relevance of the book as a guide on how to love properly and redirect oneself with failed relationships, the tone with which King wrote seemed a bit too New Age-y for me. He'd write stuff like "love is love," which made me think that I really wasn't the audience of this book.

It also states that "love is a vibe, literally. It's a vibrational frequency that we all emanate, without even knowing it." (p. 282) Personally, I dislike these types of balderdash because I don't believe in astrology or random comparisons to love. This is in contrast with Fromm's Art of Loving that advises what to do for love to persist, and then time and again emphasizes that love is a constant action that is fueled by concern, discipline, patience, and concentration.

The final part of the book is quite disappointing: for instance, to stay high on love, "Go for a walk and look for hearts," (p. 288) and "Consume high vibrational content." (p. 288)

The skeptic in me has a hard time believing that "we fall in love with someone who contains the keys to our past." I've always been attracted to beautiful and smart women who could communicate well, because I also strive to be smart and communicate well. The past me was someone who was ensconced in the ivory tower of his mind, and he is not someone I would like to return to.
Overall, while this book does have relevant suggestions regarding self-love and emotional awareness, it doesn't dig deeply into what love consists of. It is not as trenchant as Barthes' Lover's Discourse, which painted love as necessarily transactional, and yet rewarding, or as insightful as Fromm's Art of Loving. The similarities between Barker's Plays Well with Others and this book make me suspect that there was some intellectual appropriation from the former. The worst chapter of the book was Chapter 10, where King bordered on the pseudoscientific. Nevertheless, for those looking for an easy, digestible "manual" on loving, this may be the book for you.

[Annabel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't sure on how I felt about Vex King's Closer to Love once I had finished. It's alright at best.

It's weird - the concept of romantic love as we recognise it in today's society is subjective. With Closer to Love, King presents love generically by being cliché on how we must build a close relationship with ourselves first then with others. He also writes a lot about his relationship with his wife, which is beautifully connects the reader with his personal life.

I did gain deeper insights into a few things - such as the four attachment styles (secure, anxious, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant), love languages (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and gift-giving), and how love as we know it is shaped in your early childhood in response to your relationship with your caregivers.

Despite King’s personal experiences and useful tips, Closer to Love is solely a mix of loads of books and authors together. It's good to see that King has extensive research, however, it then felt like a bunch of case studies. The majority is common sense, but I do appreciate the reminders and validations that I needed for my relationships.

I'm going to end this review with some of my favourite quotes from this book:

"Being dumped by a boyfriend may have hurt a lot, but how much of that was about you and how much of it was just a natural end to your relationship? Do you associate that feeling of rejection with past failures and amplify them, or look at the case in isolation and move on?"

"I like to think that those who are meant for you, will find you, because there is already a bond that exists between you and them. An ancient Chinese proverb says: ‘An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, despite the time, the place, and the circumstances. The thread can be tightened or tangled, but will never be broken.’"

"Some of us may cling to pain because we think it’s a part of who we are, while others might attach themselves to people who trigger negative feelings from their past because they think that’s the normal state to be in. When you hoard all of those emotions, they keep resurfacing without being resolved"

"Protecting it [Your heart] doesn’t mean shutting down your emotions or being cold. It actually means the opposite – opening up to explore your fears, hopes, doubts, or worries, and resolving whatever has been keeping you locked in the past"

"She would need to draw that line between her past and her present, discarding those destructive thought patterns at the starting point. It’s not that easy to do, I know, but at least by trying, she can look forward to a happier future"

[Renuka Gavrani · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never been in a romantic relationship but have read a lot about romance and love in books. My friends who were/are in a relationship used to share with me how they feel and what kind of problems they face in a relationship. And after all of it, I believed that relationships are complex and a 24/7 job where you have to perform your best. However, Vex’s new book, Closer to Love; How to Attract The Right Relationships And Deepen Your Connections is here to help us build happier relationships that feel like magic.

Here is what love means in Vex’s words from Closer to Love:
LOVE. It’s like an eternal light that never goes out, an expansive ocean without end, a blue sky that stretches endlessly on the horizon. It’s an energy that is always present; an infinite, universal law. Even the lack of love highlights the fact that exists on the other side of the coin.

Now, if you want to attract this kind of love, I am here to convey the 3 best lessons I learned from Closer to Love that will help even singles like me. Ready?

Closer to Love Book Summary:
1. The Ignored Soul of Yours:
There are so many people like me who watch a good romantic movie or see couples posting cute-hot pictures on social media and we start wishing for the same. We think if someone could love us so deeply, our life will change.

However, what we don’t realize is that, the more we wish for people to love us, the more we tell our brains that WE ARE LONELY AND MISERABLE. We have trained ourselves to ignore our own souls and find someone in the external world to complete us.

In Closer to Love book, Vex King says that “the love you experience with others will be a direct reflection of the love you share with yourself.”

If you have a habit of ignoring yourself and not giving yourself enough love, no relationship can fulfill your soul, and no person, no matter how perfect, can make you feel loved.

Closer to Love book starts with this one lesson that I think is the root of building stronger relationships which is, Love yourself the same way you want others to love you. Give yourself enough attention so you don’t seek a relationship for someone else’s attention. And take good care of yourself so that the journey with someone else is smoother

You check more lessons from the book here: https://www.renukagavrani.com/self-he...

[Alice · Rating 3 out of 5]

“In a way, rejections are invitations to love yourself more.”

“What would you like to give your whole heart to?”

“You can never know if the person you next meet is going to be right for you, but you do need to take that risk.”

“Relationships are complex, and there is no one way to a happy one. But two people willing to discover the intricacies of problem solving, forgiveness, and honesty have the best shot at something special.”

“Gaslighting is where someone is led to question their perception of reality by another person, who purposefully manipulates the victim to make them believe that their judgment is completely wrong. Gaslighting allows an individual to carry out harm while manipulating the situation and the emotions of their prey so they can look innocent. Furthermore, they can often position themselves as the victim, and have the real victim questioning their own perceptions and behaviors…”

“Acknowledge that everyone is doing their best based on their own belief systems.”

“How people act is merely a manifestation of their inner world and we have no control over that.”

“Maybe the Universe is leaving room in your life for people who are worthy of the love you share.”

“Love is a verb because you don’t show up to someone’s life seeking an emotional hit. You commit to someone because you want to build, you want to traverse life with them…”

“This isn’t pressure, this is privilege. To have someone, to love someone, is an honor not to be taken lightly…It is a pleasure, a privilege, a state of being, and a consistent demonstration through actions and behaviors.”

“The more you love, the larger love becomes.”

“Love is a vibe, all you need to do is tune into it and let it resonate freely.”

“But understand it wasn’t love that hurt you. It was a wolf in sheep’s clothing: someone who didn’t know how to love themselves or you. It was the circumstance that didn’t favor or value you. But love is what will heal you...”