Rites and Responsibilities : A Guide to Growing Up

by Darcy Ottey

Who am I? How do I fit in? What is my purpose? What can I do to make a difference, to address issues like climate change, political turmoil, and social injustice?

These are some burning questions for young people today, who despite challenges and uncertain futures, are at the forefront of cultural transformation. This book is about how rites of passage help young people begin to answer these big questions, while initiating them into healthy meaningful adulthood, channeling their gifts, and helping them find their place in multigenerational movements for change.

Rites of passage are a diverse set of practices fundamental to healthy development. Found in all cultures, they are one of humanity’s most ancient psychological, social, spiritual, and cultural tools. In this book, readers learn what rites of passage can offer in times of turmoil and transition; how these practices came to be stolen, destroyed, or co-opted in most cultural traditions; and how young people can reclaim their own rites of passage into adulthood.

Through real-life stories and quotes that cut across lines of race, class, culture, gender, and more, social science research, and step-by-step exercises, this book gives young people the tools they need create their own initiatory journey, supports adults who never experienced their own initiation, and provides an invaluable resource for anyone helping young people navigate their path to adulthood.

“Darcy returns to the people the medicine of rites of passage in a way that honors the harm that has been done and delivers the hope for a healthier and more just future.” ~ Kruti Parekh, Los Angeles Youth Justice Organizer

“A compelling, comprehensive, and comprehensible guidebook for young people who long for meaning, belonging, and a creative participation in the great work of our the slow, visionary work of building just, equitable, and life-enhancing cultures. A lifelong student and innovator of nature-based human development and cultural restoration practices, Darcy is among our best guides enabling younger generations to discover how they, individually and collectively, are uniquely made for these times. ~ Bill Plotkin, author of Soulcraft and The Journey of Soul Initiation

443 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 18, 2022

About the author

Darcy Ottey (she/her) is a cultural practitioner, facilitator, network builder, and Co-Founder and Co-Director of Youth Passageways, an intergenerational and cross-cultural network supporting the regeneration of healthy passages into mature adulthood for today’s youth. A queer, white, able-bodied woman in her 40’s from a mixed middle/working class background, Darcy’s work focuses on: supporting white people and others with privilege in dismantling systems of oppression internally and externally; building resilient networks of relationships across lines of difference; and building community capacity for meaningful acts of redistribution, reparations, and rematriation with People of the Global Majority.

Rites of Passage have been part of Darcy’s life since her coming of age journey when she was 13. The descendant of early Quaker settlers, British coal miners, and Ukrainian peasants, her early encounters with nature and ceremony instilled in her a deep sense of belonging and connection with the more-than-human world. Her formal and informal education brought understanding of the colonized and colonizing contexts of these experiences. Synthesizing these realities is the core of Darcy’s work, from guiding multi-day wilderness excursions for youth to teaching courses and workshops in person and online.

Darcy holds an M.A. in Environment and Community from Antioch University Seattle, is a certified 200-hour yoga teacher, and is a certifiedSomaSource Practitioner. She is grateful for her teachers and mentors, including Stan Crow, Gigi Coyle, Melissa Michaels, Sharon Blackwolf, Orland Bishop, Rebecca Chief Eagle, Elder Paul Hill, and her amazing mom, Edith Kusnic. She holds herself in accountability to to her ancestors, the intergenerational circles of leadership and partnership comprising Youth Passageways, and the many beings that survive and thrive throughout the Methow Valley watershed.

Darcy loves dancing (especially under the full moon), learning to make Slavic folks dolls, and preserving food and plant medicines. She makes her home along the Methow River in Okanogan County, Washington, the stolen land of the Mətxʷú people. Rites and Responsibilities: A Guide to Growing Up is her first book.

Here is her tedx talk on rites of passage from 2017.

Reviews

[Topher Stephens · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a professional working with youth in the field of outdoor and experiential education, I found this book to be a trove of wisdom and insight into how to support and mentor young people as they forge their paths into adulthood. Reading this book also helped me reflect on my own (often misguided or un-guided) process of becoming an adult and inspired me to engage in some deep self-exploration of my own. I am super curious what my own journey into adulthood might have looked like had I been given such a practical and insightful guide as this book.

In general the content of the book feels pretty timeless- exploring themes of identity, ancestry, connection to place etc.- but at the same time the author makes these themes immediately pertinent to the social, ecological, and spiritual challenges of our time. And in addition to the main content of the chapters there are tons of beautiful illustrations, helpful tables, engaging and though-provoking exercises, and inspiring quotations and personal anecdotes which make the book really fun to flip through and explore.

One thing I particularly enjoy is that the author draws from her personal stories and years of professional experience as well as highlighting the voices and stories of young people throughout. This helps ground a lot of the more theoretical ideas into relatable and digestible stories and makes the book quite easy and enjoyable to read.

I highly recommend this book to young people who are on their own journey into adulthood as well as to any educators or facilitators working with young people. Both groups will find this book full of invaluable resources, activities, and thought provoking discussions which will help us along our way to grow and heal and thrive on personal, collective, and planetary scales.

[Pegi Eyers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am full of gratitude for the emergence of "Rites and Responsibilities: A Guide to Growing Up" in our time! Cultural visionary Darcy Ottey offers us a template for significant rites of passage – and what it means to be a true adult – in this monumental book. At the epicenter of the movement for many years, her passion, dedication, warmth and care shine through on every page. Written for a diverse audience of young people, organizations serving youth, rites of passage practitioners, nature immersion guides, educators, social justice activists, and seekers from every stage of life, "Rites and Responsibilities" is a brilliant resource. Including examples from her own life and the stories of others, Darcy outlines the human developmental process, how trauma and displacement happen from a lack of rites of passage, and how to uncolonize from the western worldview. As both a spiritual guide and practical workbook, R&R includes exercises for knowing the self, essential mindsets for initiation, new possibilities for cultural identity, tools for mentoring and other supports, creating personal rituals, the importance of ancestral connection, and facing the complexities of late-stage capitalism. With an emphasis on bonding to nature and learning from First Nations, this guidebook weaves the values of cross-cultural protocols and collective liberation with finding our special roles and skills, and embracing healthy relationships, both with people and the land. To step through the gateway into adulthood requires the preparations as outlined in this important book, and this transition can happen even in our later years. True adulthood means taking on a path of service, adopting the practices of the authentic, or initiated life, and holding a deep understanding of our connectivity to Beloved Community, both human and other-than-human. Embodying the ancestral wisdom of rites of passage is essential in this era of massive change, and "Rites and Responsibilities: A Guide to Growing Up" will take us on that journey of transformation.

Pegi Eyers, author of Ancient Spirit Rising: Reclaiming Your Roots & Restoring Earth Community www.stonecirclepress.com

[Scott Davidson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This body of work is the most exquisite, comprehensive, culturally responsible and youth honoring bundle I've honestly ever read. Darcy Ottey has created a delightfully accessible field guide, a deeply wise and necessary contribution for our times. Thank you so very much, I am so grateful for this work!

[David A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A true gift to anyone working with youth, parents, educators, mentors, etc. A beautiful reflection of the author's life work helping our young people come of age in a world that otherwise gives little support for them to become true adults.