Why You'll Never Find the One: And Why It Doesn't Matter

by Sarah Akinterinwa

A funny and affirming illustrated guide, in New Yorker cartoonist Sarah Akinterinwa's signature style, that offers a unique approach to finding love (or not).

This illustrated dating guide by cartoonist Sarah Akinterinwa, rooted in her experiences as a Black woman in her late twenties, encourages readers to be introspective, honest, and practical in their love lives. Through vignettes with scenes from modern dating, the book's main character walks the reader through the ins and outs of being single, defining what you want in a partner, navigating dating apps, the value of therapy, contending with family expectations, and remaining optimistic about finding a relationship that's right for you.

The book includes cheeky illustrated sidebars and commentary, such
 A recipe for the perfect partnerUpdated love languagesDating affirmations you didn't know you neededAdvice for taking yourself on solo datesAnd more, all with an inclusive perspective on race, sexuality, and body image
The stories, practices, and tips in this guide offer support for the lovelorn millennial, and anyone wading through the challenges of dating and being single in today's world, leaving the reader with the recognition that there might not necessarily be "one" perfect partner or way to be in a relationship, but rather, many possibilities—in dating and in life.

Genres: Graphic Novels, Nonfiction, Self Help, Comics, Biography Memoir

143 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 7, 2023

Reviews

[Alexander Peterhans · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice collection of timely advice for dating in this age. illustrated throughout. Yes, illustrated, I had hoped for an actual graphic novel treatment of modern dating, but this is not that.

The art itself.. is a bit basic for my tastes, I wasn't a huge fan of it.

And here's maybe a weird note - I feel slightly apprehensive about goodlooking people giving dating advice.. a lot of beautiful people do not acknowledge their privilege or even realise that their looks are a privilege. It can feel a bit irritating to see them pretend to have the same dating experiences as most of us, and they are different. But maybe that's just me.

(Thanks to Chronicle Books for providing me with an ARC through NetGalley)

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you, Chronicle Books, for the advance reading copy.

I would love to tell you what I like about this graphic novel cum essays in one.

The book focuses on the different kinds of pressure we give ourselves trying to fit in, what to expect when it comes to love and relationships, what usually goes wrong and what we can do to change it.

I find the tips and advice doable. However, I feel I could not find anything new. But the content is worth it.

[Sorina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about a young black girl trying to find love in todays society. With all the available dating apps and the varying expectations when going on a date, it’s quite hard to find someone compatible looking for the same thing as your. In this book the author is giving advice on how to figure out what you want, how to love yourself and set boundaries. The chapters include cartoons of a young black girl following her advice and through this finding love.
Being in my mid-twenties, I already went through a lot of dating, self-reflecting and figuring out what I want and what I don’t. So in this book I didn’t find anything new. But I can imagine that it might help young individuals newish to the dating world figuring out how to navigate trough it and finding themselves in the process.

[Sassy Sarah Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars

This is an interesting comic strip and weird self-help reflection/advice book. I loved the graphic novel/comic strip elements, but I could've done without the corny and cheesy advice column breaking up the panels. I didn't need that or ask for that feature and it was not for me.

[Lotte Van Der Paelt · Rating 4 out of 5]

'Why You'll Never Find the One' by Sarah Akinterinwa is a cute self-help book about being true to yourself. It's about finding happiness with someone who might not seem to be 'the one' on first sight, or finding happiness with no one but yourself at all. It's funny and honest and the author clearly put her own heart and experiences in it. What makes it even better are the comics drawn by the author. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of self-help books, but the comic aspect made me excited to read it and it did not disappoint. The cover is drawn by Akiterinwa as well and I really love it. Furthermore it's not targeted to allo- and heterosexual people only, like many of these books are. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this author!

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is more an illustrated guide than an actual graphic novel - it reminded me at parts of The Magical Girl's Guide to Life: Find Your Inner Power, Fight Everyday Evil, and Save the Day with Self-Care. This is cute and emphasizes loving and putting yourself first, but disregarding the idea that "no one will love you until you love yourself."

[Joanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

A unique illustrated-guide format that feels a bit like reading a graphic novel—cartoons mixed with conversational dating advice. The tone is modern, warm, and encouraging, and the reminder to be kind to yourself is always welcome.

As a happily married person, I didn’t really need the dating content, and the amount of text felt like more work than I was looking for. But as a standalone graphic-style book, it’s creative and thoughtful.

[Johnea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was definitely not what I thought it was. Cute book, nice advice, just not for me *holds up engagement ring*.

Could be the perfect book for someone I guess!

[Lauren McCullough · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was less of a traditional graphic novel and more a short memoir/self help book with illustrations.
I absolutely agreed with a lot of talking points of this book, and resonated with the self discovery journey because it felt very parallel to my own.

I think the target audience for this one would be in the 15-25 range. I think if younger people had a lot more realistic conversations with other and themselves about love and relationships as well as understanding/knowing themselves rather than this idea that you think everyone wants you to be then you will discover sooner what you need and want from a partner.

There is a lot of practical, relatable advice in here that anyone looking to find lasting love would benefit from.

***Thank you to Chronicle Books and PA Press for providing me with the eBook for free via NetGalley for an unbiased review.

[Zana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley and PA Press for this arc!

This was my first arc in a long time and it was a pretty good read! The author does a good job of explaining how to maneuver modern day dating culture for 20-somethings who are looking for a long-term relationship.

I agree with pretty much all of the advice that she gave, like setting boundaries for yourself and your dates, loving and understanding yourself, etc. It would've been a great book for me in my early twenties when I was still dating. It was more of a self-help book than a graphic novel.

The short comics are cute but I wish they would've been in color with bigger font size for the captions. And I was expecting much more color because of the cover. That would've instantly drew me in.

[Miss Ryoko · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the title of this book so wanted to give it a read to see if the advice given inside these pages was decent. There was a lot of things Sarah said that I agreed with, and a few things that I found overall problematic messaging. But for the most part, I felt she was pretty spot on in this book. It's a real quick read with good tips and advice of how to have a healthy relationship and not to obsess over having one.

And the most important thing to remember is that a romantic relationship isn't the only relationship you need in your life. The relationships you have with your friends, family, coworkers, etc. is just as important. Do not let society's skewed views of "romantic relationship = life success" as a guide to what is and isn't meaningful in your life.

[Holley Perry]

Why You’ll Never Find the One by Sarah Akinterinwa is the perfect combination of dating advice and illustrations. British Cartoonist Sarah Akinterinwa says in her LinkedIn profile,” Before I became a cartoonist, I drew as a hobby and worked as a therapist.” So all of the advice is very sound, beautiful and clear.

The book could be set anywhere that has a singles dating scene. The chapter titles that speak to me are “We Are All Victims of Romanticization” and “Why You Need to Date Yourself.”

If only I had learned these lessons and also about red flags when I was in my 20s. I could have avoided so much heartache and nonsense. The best quote in my opinion is “I think I just need to stop giving shitty people a change.” So simple and brilliant.

The main character’s dating life is based on some of the author’s experiences. Many of us feel pressured to find our one true love and live happily ever after. The truth is that we don’t have to give in to what everyone else wants.

People need to focus on loving themselves and figuring out what brings them joy. It’s sort of like marie kondo-ing your life but with relationships. Does this relationship bring me joy? No – then move on to whatever does bring you joy. The point is to choose yourself. Do not ever, ever, ever feel guity about choosing yourself.

Everything that the main character goes through is totally relatable. The story is told in a way that we can all laugh about how we’ve handled things before. Now that we have access to all of this great advice and lovely illustrations, we have hope for an new and improved dating experience.

If you are a single person of any sexual orientation, race or religion, then this book could have the answers for how to deal with dating. Sometimes I miss dating but not usually because it can be horrible.

If you have really strict, inflexible ideas or rules about dating then you might not like this book but you should read it anyway.

I received this ebook from NetGalley. This is my honest review. All opinions are my own. Obviously.

[Cherlynn | cherreading · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐

This is touted as an illustrated dating guide but feels more like a comics collection of the author's dating experiences. Although an interesting and uplifting read, there isn't much technical or in-depth advice beyond basic knowledge, so calling it a guide might be a bit of a stretch.

However, I really enjoyed the book overall. My favourite parts are the ones about self-love and taking yourself out on dates (which I already do). I also appreciate all the insight into various topics such as compatibility and putting yourself out there. Don't forget the funny and entertaining comics!

I think this book will be more suited/beneficial to those in their early to mid-20s, when you are still a bundle of insecurities and anxiety and everything feels so alien. Thankfully, I am more self-assured now than I was years ago but this was still a nice refresher.

Thank you to Chronicle Books and PA Press for the Netgalley ARC.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just another dating book. No new information, but the comic illustrations are why I picked it up. I hope the story is true and the author found a romantic relationship that lasted. That's a bit hopeful. I wish there was more solid advice for making connections. But I know it is location, age, time dependent and that isn't very easy to obtain, to much data. I need a better app. Or a better dating group. More friends? *sigh* how do you meet people doing things you love and enjoy when those things don't require other people? Pick up a new hobby, but that other people there are all women and I want to date men. Ask those women if they have single male friends, nope! Where are the men my age? Married. Divirced with kids. Dating 25yo.

[Raquel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really excited, even though my life and love experience might be considerably different from the author. But, if I am being honest, I felt let down. Maybe because I was expecting an actual graphic novel, which it isn’t. It has some great ideas and funny comic strips, but it is not a graphic novel, and it has far more text than drawings. That wouldn’t be so bad if the text didn’t read as superficial. The dating and life advice was kinda obvious, but could have worked if the author shared, for example, personal stories. That is not the case, so the whole thing feels flat, except maybe for the self-love chapter, which I really resonated with.

[mire · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and [](https://www.netgalley.com/catalog/pub... Press for the ARC of the book in exchange for an honest review.

Why You'll Never Find the One, by Sarah Akinterinwa, is a lovely graphic novel that portrays the modern struggles of a young black girl in their 20’s navigating the turbulent waters of romantic relationships.

The illustration style was pleasant and the storyline was very entertaining. I was able to relate to some of the scenes of the comic.

It was a nice, easy read!

[Sophia's Bookplanet · Rating 3 out of 5]

This combination of self-help book and comic has something to offer, but it is not that original. The artist surely captures some well-known but also private dating experiences and frames them with the short chapters on self-love, finding your priorities while dating and finally not the one, but one of the most compatible people to make us happy. I enjoyed the comics and the sections filled with advises and some even slightly scientific perspectives. The book did not offer me new insights or anything, but I liked the mixture of comic relief and thoughtfull analysis of our dating behavior.

[Weekend Reader_ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a combo of dating advice and self reflection with an honest take on dating. It's nuanced, cringey, but still hopeful that you can find capability in love and maybe let go of the fantasy it's just one person. It didn't give any new earth shaking info but I do think it upfront there's some personal responsibility, luck, and being ok with disappointment that thought was smart. I definitely recommend particularly for WoC. I'm adding Oyin and Kojo to my TBR.

Thank you to the publisher for providing an arc via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Syntaxx · Rating 2 out of 5]

Miigweetch NetGalley and PA Press for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

This is a sassy take on modern dating from the perspective of a young Black woman. I expected to like this a lot more than I actually did. Unfortunately, the material never really clicked for me, and the book seemed disjointed. The illustrations were cute, but not distinctive.

Overall I didn't really enjoy this book and will not be recommending it to my reading circle.

[Annabel · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a fun, cutely illustrated reminder to love yourself while looking for love outside in the wide, wide world. While the advice is nothing new, it's also sound and what people end up realizing with time, experience and/or reflection. I believe for most, this just reaffirms what a healthy mindset should be when it comes to love, self-love or otherwise.

Thanks to Netgalley and Chronicle Books for providing me with the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

[Izzy Pilares · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find most self-help books to be hacky and gross - and I admittedly had no idea that this was one of them going into it - however, this one wasn’t bad! This book would be something I would give someone who is entering their late teens or early twenties as an introduction to dating. Unfortunately though, I wasn’t a fan of the artwork in this one simply because it felt almost unfinished or unpolished in some panels.

[Cavak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sound and crystal clear advice for dating. Sometimes bears repeating when social pressures can weigh on one's self-esteem.

What surprised me is that the book depicts an ideal love life and a romantic happy ending for her avatar while Akinterinwa herself is single and loving it. I enjoyed reading her blog about her traveling adventures. I definitely relate to her advice there too, such as choosing to not forgive anyone who is unremorseful of past and present misconduct.

[Bridgid OKane · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the advice. I enjoyed the premise of the book. Nonfiction GNs are easier to digest like this. 3.5 stars rounded down.
The end of the book, she ends up finding someone that she gets into a relationship with. And I thought that wasn't the point of the book. It was learning to be accepting of yourself, which she did. But she did find a relationship at the end, which I feel like defeats to purpose of the book to a degree.

just my two cents

[Emma · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the cartoon strip sections of this book with the author's experiences of dating. I was less keen on the self-help sections of text, although it did all seem to be good advice. I think I just misunderstood what the book was going to be about. I enjoyed the distinctive art style and would be interested in future books by the same author.

[Free ARC from NetGalley]

[Angelica Dominguez · Rating 2 out of 5]

First i want to thanks for giving this book to me so i can read this. Now i Will ve 100% honest, i was expecting something else, more Nice to the view, but i was more theoric, more text than ilustration...it was good but not that good. I Will no read it again. In this book You found why some relationship don't work, what can You do to be happy by yourself ando things like that

[Sheba Hector · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as an arc from NetGalley.

This book asks its readers to be honest and open about their love lives. It is figuring out what you want from a relationship and finding the person or people who can fulfill these aspects. I think this is a good book to start with if you are beginning your serious journey in love.

[Brian · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an odd book that was 60 percent prose and 40 percent graphic novel IT was a self help book on dating. The book had some nice ideas such as self care but it was kind of all over the place on its content. The author was VERY confident on their viewpoints on dating and while I think they made some good points,I'm not sure everyone will agree with them.

[Birgit · Rating 1 out of 5]

Kõike juba kunagi tumblris lugenud/näinud... Lootsin, et on täitsa koomiks, sest antud autor joonistab The New Yorkerile suht tihti ja seal tema töö mulle on meeldinud. Kogu see raamat oli selline, et kui oled aastast 2013 kasutanud internetti ja tarbinud populaarmeediat, siis oled seda sama juttu saanud söögi alla ja söögi peale

[Billie Henry · Rating 2 out of 5]

Admittedly too straight-coded for me. I also felt like this was written by someone at that young age where these thoughts and feelings feel HUGE but in hindsight they are just facts about life and relationships. Don't settle girl, have fun and listen! Otherwise, she deserves a few stars for writing and publishing a book so young!

[Shyiesha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was a cute comic. It provided real insight about dating, but nothing that I felt I hadn't already known. Some of the dialogue in the vignettes were funny, but I just couldn't get into the illustrations. The style of the illustrations could have been better.