It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success

by Richard Lavoie

Answers the most intense need of parents, teachers, and caregivers of learning disabled children -- or anyone who knows a child who needs a friend.

ADHD • Anxiety • Nonverbal • Communication • Disorders • Visual/Spatial • Disorders • Executive Functioning Difficulties

As any parent, teacher, coach, or caregiver of a learning disabled child knows, every learning disability has a social component. The ADD child constantly interrupts and doesn't follow directions. The child with visual-spatial issues loses his belongings. The child with a nonverbal communication disorder fails to gesture when she talks. These children are socially out of step with their peers, and often they are ridiculed or ostracized for their differences. A successful social life is immeasurably important to a child's happiness, health, and development, but until now, no book has provided practical, expert advice on helping learning disabled children achieve social success.

For more than thirty years, Richard Lavoie has lived with and taught learning disabled children. His bestselling videos and sellout lectures and workshops have made him one of the most respected experts in the field. Rick's pioneering techniques and practical strategies can help children ages six to seventeen

-Overcome shyness and low self-esteem
-Use appropriate body language to convey emotion
-Focus attention and avoid disruptive behavior
-Enjoy playdates and making friends
-Employ strategies for counteracting bullying and harassment
-Master the Hidden Curriculum and polish the apple with teachers

It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend answers the most intense need of parents, teachers, and caregivers of learning disabled children -- or anyone who knows a child who needs a friend.

Genres: Parenting, Education, Nonfiction, Psychology, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Teaching

448 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Rick Lavoie is a consultant on learning disabilities.

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read! Highly recommended for anyone working with children with learning disabilities. Even if you're only a babysitter of a child with a learning disability, this can be a great resource.
I really liked his concept of the "social skill autopsy" is interesting and makes so much sense! It's all about helping the child figure out where he or she went wrong in a situation and how to prevent it from happening again. I also liked how the author reinforced the importance I making "withdraws" and "deposits" when it comes to having a support system; it's all about the give and take!
The only section I didn't totally agree with was about bullying and teasing and how to have the LD child deal with it. I think more could have been spent on strategies to give children who do not have a learning disability, so they know how to effectively work with those with learning disabilities.

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good resource for parents and mental health clinicians alike. Lavoie grapples with the nuances of how learning disabilities and social navigation intersect, and its a hugely comprehensive resource on the topic! Also touches on resources and difficulties surrounding friendships with anyone with mental health concerns, which can never be overemphasized. Def one for the shelf

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is worth the read if you are looking to help your child or student develop and maintain friendships or to learn to function appropriately in school and in the community. I thought the second half of the book was more relevant to my interests, but there were great insights all along the way that I feel would be relevant to all parents and educators. I truly wish that regular ed. classroom teachers would read books like this.

[Litsa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was happy to read about things that I was already doing with my kids at home.

[Leah Douglas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most helpful thing I’ve read so far on this learning disability adventure. Certainly secular and leaving lots to be desired at the spiritual level, but I appreciate how it guides the social aspects.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a relatively useful book. I bought it because I was looking for some concrete advice and professional insight into behavior issues specifically related to children with autism or aspergers. Unfortunately, there is really only one chapter devoted to this topic. However, that one chapter is very good! From a professional perspective, as an educator, the entire book is informative and I would highly recommend it to teachers and parents. If you are specifically looking for a book about helping children on the spectrum improve their social skills, I would look elsewhere - or ask to borrow my copy to flip through the relevant pages.

[Marcia Mickelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very helpful in describing the social difficulties of children with learning disabilities. My son has Asperger's Syndrome, and I found that there are a lot of similarities with children who have LD. They face many of the same social challenges. While this book served to explain those difficulties very well, it didn't offer solutions in a way I would have hoped. I guess there is no cure-all book available, but this book is greatly informative and can help parents see the social difficulties their child may be facing.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exceptional, practical, and well-written book on children with special needs. Lavoie knows his subject and liberally sprinkles in his real-life experiences working with hundreds of students. This book actually made me laugh, and I learned a lot! A must-read for anyone in special education and highly recommended for anyone in education or human services in general.

[Alicia Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a MUST read for anyone who is dealing with children with special needs. So often we ( adults) forget about the importance of social interaction and development for children with learning difference. This book helps teach and guide adults through this emotional challenge for children and adults alike!

[Jill]

I saw this guy in person at a conference. He is terrific. The book is too. Very practical, down to earth, good suggestions told through stories, so it's not boring. He is famous for his video "F.A. T. (Frustrated Angry Tense) City" which lets the viewer actually experience what it feels like to have a leraning disability in a classroom.

[Ariadna73 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a lot of good advise for children in order to succeed in social life at school and their petit worlds. I would have found it of so much help should I read it a few years ago. However; I still found it useful today; because I can still give advise to kids around me; and this book is a profuse source of good advise.

[Rebekah]

So far this book is gripping. His idea of a "social autopsy" seems like a perfect common sense way of analyzing social errors without finding fault with your kid. I just previewed the chapters and it seems like each one is applicable with information I am dying to know. . .

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great read for parents and teachers of students with learning disabilities. It explains in very practical terms how various cognitive processing difficulties can affect how one views and interprets social situations.

[Maria]

This is a fantastic resource for those of us with children with learning disabilities. I have a daughter is Aspergers. The strategies for helping them in social situations are very good. We're trying some currently.

[Gary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lavoie points out that the same disabilities that have an adverse effect on a child's learning also have an adverse effect on their social lives. He highlights problems and gives tips and strategies to help children as they grow. I highly recommend this book.

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful tips for parents and educators on how to support develop social skills for children with learning differences.

[Marie Pilgrim]

I just started this one. I like to read something for work during the summer months and so far this one seems pretty good.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book for anyone who teaches or works with kids with a learning disability.

[Jacqueline · Rating 5 out of 5]

GEEK. However, so far this book is SPOT ON!
OBVIOUSLY, NOT a book club book but this was so practical and I think all teachers should read this.

[Jan]

Started this a few times, and never got far through. I no longer think Andrew needs this help. So I don't think I'll continue.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just started reading. It looks like an amazingly well researched and thought out book. More on it later.

[Shannon Causey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful. A good read that has helped me relate better to the kids I work with. The "social autopsy" is a strange name, but a useful tool.

[Kathleen L. Maher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just purchased this, and it is already proving invaluable with strategies for my son with special needs and social challenges. Lots of insight packed into an approachable, easy-to-read format.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Identifying social deficiencies and strategies to help the child work toward behaviors that result in greater inclusion.

[Royanne Mason]

Great read to help & understand your Grandchild if he/she is ADHD or ADD