Fatherhood The Truth by Berkmann, Marcus ( Author ) ON Oct-30-2004, Paperback

by Marcus Berkmann

Excellent Book

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting

Paperback

First published January 6, 2005

About the author

Marcus Berkmann was educated at Highgate School and Worcester College in Oxford in the UK. He began his career as a freelance journalist, contributing to computer and gaming magazines such as Your Sinclair. In the 1990s, he had stints as television critic for the Daily Mail and the Sunday Express, and has written a monthly pop music column for The Spectator since 1987.

With his schoolfriend Harry Thompson, Berkmann scripted the BBC Radio comedy Lenin of the Rovers. He came to prominence with his novel Rain Men (1995), which humorously chronicles the formation and adventures of his own cricket-touring team, the Captain Scott Invitation XI.

Berkmann has continued to write newspaper and cricket magazine columns, such as the Last Man In column on the back page of Wisden Cricket Monthly, while producing a number of critically well-received humorous books.

In Brain Men (1999), he applied his sardonic observations to the world of pub quizzes, adopting a similar approach to Fatherhood (2005). In 2005, Berkmann released Zimmer Men, a quasi-sequel to Rain Men describing his transition into middle age with cricket.

Berkmann is also credited as being part of the writing team of the BBC Three comedy show Monkey Dust, and compiler of the Dumb Britain column in Private Eye magazine. In 2009, he set up the quiz company Brain Men with Stephen Arkell and Chris Pollikett.

A Shed of One's Own: Midlife Without the Crisis was serialised by BBC Radio 4 in its Book of the Week slot during 2012. A fan of Star Trek since its first British screening by the BBC in 1969, Set Phasers to Stun: 50 Years of Star Trek, aimed at the general reader, was published in March 2016.

Reviews

[Ken · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brought as a jokey gift by my wife, this amusing book is more on the laddish British humour but with enough interesting facts to make it a useful read.

Much of the first half is told through a guy not really wanting kids and how this is going to impact he’s time in the pub.
Debating either to have another pint of buying more nappies just isn’t me!

Once the book takes a more fact based approach I started to find it more interesting, completely agreeing that information like 1 in 200 chance is actually more worrying that reassuring.

It’s the chapters that cover the baby being here that was more relevant, an idea of sleeping patterns, nappy changes and feeds that still seems daunting but at least has a reassuring angle to what’s in store.

Ideal as a lighthearted gift.

[Sarah Harrison · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book for my husband as we were about to be first time parents and thought a humerus 'instruction manual' might be just what he needed. I really wish I hadn't bothered because this book is dreadful and often times quite offensive.
He paints a portrait that men aren't particularly happy deep down about impending fatherhood and that everyone subsequently is an irritation, a disaster or strain. My husband read it coming off worse and thankfully didn't take on board anything the author wrote.
The entire book just makes out that his life would have been infinitely better without being saddled with a kid and therefore expects all men to feel the same.

Buy a different book. This is rubbish.

[Louise · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a funny (the humor is very British) insight in to pregnancy and fatherhood. The author tells it like it is in a no holds barred approach and writes what men are thinking but aren't supposed to say out loud. He also provides facts and helpful tips for men and is ultimately very encouraging of women and the journey they have to travel to becoming mothers.

[Chris Lim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book may be peppered with jokes, some of them over the top, but it does contain useful information on being a dad.

I wouldn't swear by it but it does ease you into the role. I could tell you more but my 2-month old is crying in the other room ...

[Romysh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would give it 4 and a half if I could.
I absolutely loved the way it was written. A topic, that is not the most entertaining to read about, was put in a way that I found it actually quite enjoyable to read. I learned quite a lot and was amused at the same time. Job well done!

[Norbert Simon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book that, hopefully, prepared me for what's coming. I gasped, ew-d, squirmed and LOL'd while reading, at times all at once.

[J D · Rating 1 out of 5]

Tries to be relatable by being offensive to the very idea of fatherhood and family. Maybe if you "knocked up someone on a night out and she refuses to get an abortion" this is for you. If you are a happy man excited to start his new family with your loved one you'll find very little to empathise here.
Occasionally some funny passages and interesting facts. Would have been better focused on that entirely.

[Nickie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book, distinct from other pregnancy/labour/parenting books gives the impression that it was written by a functioning human being. It starts off a bit 'new lad' - making the assumption that most men's first impulse is to run to the hills when faced with the prospect of being a father. I think this is just for laughs and as it rolls on, it loses this, and turns out to be really informative and brutal and funny and un-put-downable. From how many sandwiches you need to pack to get through the average labour, to horrible midwives through to the first baby - learned loads.

[Chas Bayfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was great. I read it a few months before our daughter was born and really enjoyed it. I was surprised at how few baby books were aimed at dads and was thankful that this one was fairly light hearted. Although Berkmann comes across as a bit of a lad (he's usually a sports writer) he allows ten very diffrent friends to have their opinion too. In fact, my wiferead it and enjoyed it more than the pregnancy books she was reading. I felt much more prepared and a lot less apprehensive thanks to Berkmann's book.

[Marc Kenobi · Rating 1 out of 5]

It seems to be built with the assumption that no man really wants to be a dad and the only way through it is to drink yourself into oblivion. Despite the occasional balanced and non-misogynistic joke and once conceding some men who are delighted to become fathers these viewpoints are quickly buried under the weight of the writer’s clear opinion that having kids ruined his life and he only did because the women nagged and/or maliciously got pregnant.

When it got on to the homophobic comments in about the third chapter I decided I was done.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

A hilarious guide to the first few years after the birth of the first baby. Actually had me laughing out loud on the train. While simultaneously giving me a little bit of dread at how unprepared I was for the biggest life-changing event of all.

[Zeljko · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes it's hard to know what is a fact and what is author's attempt to be funny. He often mixes those two in one sentence.

[Murray Slater · Rating 2 out of 5]

Written in a ladish tone with snippets of humour which rely on a somewhat outdated understanding of masculinity and sarcasm. Some insights which may or may not prove useful in time.

[Paul Westwood · Rating 3 out of 5]

I should start by saying that I'm fairly sure that I'm not the target audience for this book, which goes some way to explaining why I've only given it three stars. I think the target audience would be young men in their 20s and early 30s who have accidentally gotten their girlfriends pregnant. If that was me, I think I would have given it four stars.
There's a focus on the negative throughout the book and that's what put me off. To be fair to the author, he was probably trying to tap into the fears and worries of the demographic he was targeting to make them realise they're not the only men to have misgivings about having a baby.
For me, a man in my early 40s whose wanted children for years, the negativities were irrelevant and a distraction from what I was looking to get from this book, namely helpful information about having a baby. The information is there just aimed at doubting dads rather than doting dads.
Early in the book the author provides a number of possible reactions to finding out that your partner is pregnant and, as far as I can remember, none of them was relevant to me. They all related to a desire to run away, sleep with other women or question the paternity of the baby. I realised at this point that the book probably wasn't for me but I'm a sucker for finishing a book once I've started it so I continued on in the hope it would use the negativity as a springboard to the wonders of parenthood. While it never quite got where I wanted it to, Berkmann does, on occasion, express the delights of being a father. But the downsides also continue, which, as I said, wasn't for me.
Structurally it's a well put together book starting with finding out your going to be a father all the way through to some of the keys considerations of parenting. As with the other parenting book for fathers that I read recently, it contains quotes from a select few fathers throughout the book on the various topics at hand. This is helpful to see how other men feel about the topic. The men who provided the quotes are the same demographic the book is aimed at.
Berkmann has a casual writing style that is easy to read and flows smoothly. As you might expect, it's laced with a healthy dollop of humour - usually in the form of cynicism and sarcasm.
The book is well researched and is packed full of useful information about pregnancy, childbirth and babies. Having already read one book on this topic and been to NCT classes I probably wasn't as impressed by all this information as I might have been had I read this first. The most useful thing I took from this book is something I hope to hold onto for a long time. It was a sub-section called 'It is only a phase'. I think that heading says it all really. I can see myself using it as a form of mantra when parenting is hard and I thank Berkmann for giving it to me. There were a few other specific bits of information that I've found helpful but I've forgotten what they were already, as my baby has grown and they're no longer relevant.
So, to summarise, this is a well written and well put together book that provides a lot of useful information but is primarily aimed at fathers with doubts. If that's you, you may engage with it in a much more positive way than I did, but if it's not you, I think there are better books on parenting for fathers out there for you - I can recommend 'Pregnancy for Men: The Whole Nine Months for Fathers'.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bought hastily in a Waterstones (at an extortionate price of £17, perhaps the best foreshadowing of parenthood) as apparently the only book available about fatherhood; I initially feared I made a grave mistake as the first couple of chapters only exasperated my fear of my impending fatherhood. I understand the author is being very tongue in cheek and trying to be funny but if your very scared about being a dad the first few chapters essentially tell you your life is over and you might as well die. Thus I read these chapters and got very depressed and put the book away.

However I did go back to it and as the book goes on I warmed to it greatly. It remains humoured throughout while giving what seems to be genuine good advice and even some encouragement for your impending predicament. Dare I say by the end I was starting to be a bit excited about my coming baby.

Thus if your terrified about being a parent I would cautious you about this book as the start tries a bit too hard to be funny and comes across as a bleak warning that fatherhood is awful and your already dead. I would thus advise that you skip the first 10-15% of the book for your own sanity. So overall I will mark this down for its bleak start but once I warmed to it, it became a funny and encouraging read that helped alleviate at-least 5% of my fear (anything will do at this point).

[Cartoisb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a superb book that all new fathers and "expecting" fathers should read. It's very well balanced between being funny and giving insight into the process, decisions, feelings, etc. It's an entertaining read and hilarious - I laughed out loud throughout the book. The book is written from a very British perspective (including a very dry British sense of humour) so it's mainly geared toward readers in the UK, but it is so well done that anyone would enjoy it. About half of the book covers the pregnancy and birth process (rather than the period after fatherhood actually starts), so if you read this after having already become a father the pregnacy/birth insight and tips will be less relevant than the post-birth part of the book, but the pregnancy/birth part is still interesting and funny to read looking back at what you have gone through.

[Jim Weems · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent if you’ve not had kids. If you have kids then you find yourselves nodding knowingly throughout most of it. However this can make it a little tiresome at times. Dancing a fine line between humor and real life, it’s easy to zone out a little as he wades through the predictable stereotypes. Feels like a lot of this has been done before. Not saying I didn’t enjoy it. Maybe given the fact that I have three kids now it wasn’t quite the right time for me and I should have read it a decade ago! lol. I’d recommend to new parents. For a laugh…

[Shane Starling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Published in 2004, Berkmann doesn't mind indulging in a bit of casual sexism, but if you can get past that, he redeems himself with some solid dry AF British humour that did make me laugh out loud a few times.
This was my first book of this kind and so it gets 4 stars for what I am assuming is a pretty comprehensive look at the experience of pregnancy and baby parenting from the point of view of the partner not actually giving birth - in his case being a male.

[Rohit Nair · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read it as the father of a 4-year old, and would recommend it to any fathers and fathers-to-be. To remind you of what you’ve been through, or to warn you.

The book is very British in its humour, but I had quite a few laugh out loud moments. In fact, my son now recognises the book as the Baby book and every time I chuckle, asks me what the baby in the book is doing.

Well worth a read!

[Luke White · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unsure as to how this book remains on shelves. The “lad” aspect he claims to hate is the foundation on which this book has been written - the terminology, the phrasing, the “banter”. The only reason I’m finishing it is because I’m bored and waiting for my little one to come out. Straight in the recycling once I’ve read the last page. Truly vile. AVOID.

[Martin Rogers · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed it, entertaining and informative.

[Steven Kolber · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really compelling book, a bit naff to begin with but warms up well. A good mixture of information and personal responses.

[Doram Jacoby · Rating 3 out of 5]

All in all a good and informative book.
I mostly enjoyed reading it but had to remove 2 stars because most of the humour falls on gender roles and stereotypes.

[Matthew · Rating 3 out of 5]

With Fatherhood looming a good friend lent me this to read to leave me prepared. What a strange book! The opening few chapters are almost universally awful, it's almost as if he's trying to portray himself as some macho bloke who never wanted to have a baby and resented his wife for becoming pregnant, and as a result the humour falls very very flat. Then suddenly about halfway through the book he has a complete change of heart (or more believably finally portrays himself correctly and honestly) and from then on in the book is a real joy to read. It's really funny and really heartfelt and also surprisingly informative. Which just makes that opening third all the more strange!

[Ben Meneses-Sosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was given to me by my partner five months away from having our twin babies.

I found the book really useful, with very good insights at times and specially very funny. It was like a stand up comedy about parenthood.

There were some bits that didn't resonate with me at all (what's up with reiteratively wondering if you are the father of junior?) but overall I think this is an awesome book for people (specially guys) that are on the way (or in the middle) of having babies and/or toddlers. I don't think that childless people or people that have already passed that would find it so riveting.

[Randeep Buttar · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the first part of this book leading up to the birth of my son and then shit got busy (sometimes literally)! He's now nearly 9 months and I managed to finish it today. What an awesome read. It doesn't pretend to be a definitive guide, it is simply a book written by a bloke for other blokes and in blokey language. Full of humour, peppered with gems of experience but most of all, gives a good sense of the whole experience of fatherhood from the father's perspective - warts and all! Recommended!

[Owen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny writer, actually dares to have opinions on things without covering himself in disclaimers. Very honest and useful for men in the modern world who perhaps aren't the touchy-feely, new-dad types and are worried that, for instance, they won't bond with the baby, or may want to punch an uncaring doctor in the face! My wife bought it for me and I read it in the weeks before the birth of my first daughter and I am certainly glad I did. (Note: all of our doctors at Pembury Hospital were mega and none needed punching in the end).

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

After two books I didn't care a bit about, I needed something I knew would be entertaining but forgettable. This was a perfect book for it! It was like a baby book written by a dude for dudes. It was sort of funny but it was written more of a how-to book then an actual humour book, which I thought was a little disappointing, but I am sure that was the point of it. It just wasn't really for me. I didn't really care. But I read this book in like a day, so it was over quick enough.

Grade: C-

[Jez Latham · Rating 4 out of 5]

a godsend. not pompous. based on experience and reflection, well written and very funny. thank you to the person [Robin] who lent me this. it made me more aware. at the beginning it seems a little laddish but gets over that. i really am not going to read any other books on this issue.

[Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this.

6 weeks away from the arrival of my first son/daughter, this engaging but informative book has helped me feel much more at ease with the imminent change in my life. I'd definitely recommend this to prospective dads who want a more informal account of having a baby.