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The Cult of Perfection: Making Peace With Your Inner Overachiever
For some women, success is a relative term. One in six women is an overachiever, constantly striving to do more, better, faster, and look fabulous at all times—so if you are looking around the room at your five closest friends thinking they’re all slackers, it’s you! You know who you the successful woman who feels competitive with her own friends and family members; the stick-thin athlete who won’t stop working out; the guilt-ridden executive who always feels she has to do more than others to stay ahead; the grown-up “Little Miss Perfect” who can’t stop being the Stepford wife and mother. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you achieve, your life remains totally out of balance. Achievements should not be the total measure of how a woman feels about herself.
Syndicated radio talk-show host Cooper Lawrence has been there. With humor and compassion, she helps readers assess the overachiever’s goals, their states of mind, the pressure from their families . . . and lets them know it’s not a bad thing to be an overachiever—some people are just born that way! Cooper’s book defines the physical and emotional effects of someone who suffers from the big “O,” explains why she does it, and offers a reality check and advice on creating balance. With common sense and “Tales from the Treadmill” case studies, this book explores the best ways to do it all and still achieve real success—self-acceptance.
Syndicated radio talk-show host Cooper Lawrence has been there. With humor and compassion, she helps readers assess the overachiever’s goals, their states of mind, the pressure from their families . . . and lets them know it’s not a bad thing to be an overachiever—some people are just born that way! Cooper’s book defines the physical and emotional effects of someone who suffers from the big “O,” explains why she does it, and offers a reality check and advice on creating balance. With common sense and “Tales from the Treadmill” case studies, this book explores the best ways to do it all and still achieve real success—self-acceptance.
- GenresNonfiction
247 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
2 people are currently reading
31 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
December 7, 2013
*Slowly takes a calming breath*
Alright, before I get into things, I'd like to give you some backstory.
I am the child of two feminists, yes, a man can be a feminist. I grew up being taught that women deserve the same rights, freedoms, and liberties as men, but also that equal rights means equal fights. My mother taught me that one.
I have a girlfriend who is a hardcore feminist herself, and who also likes to cosplay on the weekends at conventions. Look it up.
I have lived in a house where I was the only male amongst several females, and I found the experience fun, though having to share a single bathroom with four other people, all of whom also need the bathroom before work wasn't so fun.
All in all, I would consider myself a feminist. Yes, I hold open the door for women, but I also do it for men, the elderly, the disabled, pregnant people, etc.
I also play video games. Why the seemingly unrelated tangent? That's because Ms Lawrence bashes one of my favourite games, and the game that I consider to win the gauntlet in gender equality - Mass Effect.
Lawrence claims that the protagonist, Commander Shepard, who can be either male, or female, and whose appearance can be tweaked to the player's preference, but I'm going to be focussing on the female version, is a sexed up space diva, with a bulging rack, and who can go around raping people at random.
Clearly, I must be blind, because that isn't in the edition of Mass Effect that I played, or it's two sequels.
Whilst it is true that their are some elements of the series that I scoff at, such as Miranda's skin-tight catsuit, though at least Cerberus makes all of its staff, regardless of gender, wear the space-spandex, but all in all, Mass Effect is a game that tries to be fair, equal, and egalitarian.
FemShep, which is what players call the female Shepard, is an average woman with an average athletic figure well-suited for her life in the military, and who is usually covered head-to-toe in bulky armour.
The game is in the 2180's, a future where we have full gender equality, gay marriage, and where we don't look at people who have a different sexual orientation as deviants. With the exception of the gigantic, mind-controlling space robots that come and cull the galaxy of all sentient life every 50,000 years, I'd like to live in the Mass Effect future. Oops, I think I just spoilt the ending of the first game.
There is a character in the second game called Jack. She, not he, is a feared pirate, and criminal with the ability to control dark energy with her mind. So powerful was she that the government had to lock her up in cryostasis for fear that she would do harm.
Jack is scrawny, bald, wears what's left of her prison overalls, and is covered in scars and tattoos. The scars she got when she was a child, where she was bred in a laboratory, tortured and experimented on to see how powerful she could get, raped repeatedly, forced to kill the other children in the laboratory for sport, and who only managed to get out when she killed a guard at age nine during a mass riot. The tattoos are her way of recovering her body back after so long of it not belonging to her, of it being used as a tool against her, and any who she might care for.
A male Shepard can enter a relationship with her if the player chooses, and at the end of the game, Jack comes to him and admits her feelings. You would think that Shepard would then take a chance to consummate their relationship, right? Wrong.
Shepard and jack get on the bed and start kissing, little more. Because Shepard wasn't willing to go the whole mile until he knew that Jack was ready, and he was willing to wait until she was.
Does that sound like content in a game where you can allegedly rape anyone at will? It doesn't to me.
There is another character called Tali that Shepard can enter a relationship with if the player chooses, choice being the optimum word here.
Tali's species, the Quarians, have weak immune systems, and have to wear hazmat suits to interact with other people. In this instance, Tali states that she wants Shepard to be able to touch her skin, to see her face without a visor covering it, to kiss her. So Shepard seeks the help of a doctor, and states "Tali is important to me, I wouldn't be doing this if she didn't want it too."
Does that sound like a game where you can rape someone at will? I will post the video link where Shepard says it at the bottom.
A couple of months after Ms Lawrence went on TV to bash the game, she retracted her statements, claiming that she had never even played the game, that she "Misspoke".
Misspoke is a funny little word that can be used to essentially say, "Not my fault, honest!" A word that shifts blame on someone else.
If Ms Lawrence were half the writer she thinks she is, then she would have had the forethought to at least play the game that apparently contains graphic nudity, and the ability to rape everyone, and anyone, but she didn't, and instead shifted her blame onto somebody else.
Don't read this book, your time is more precious than that. Time that you could spend playing Mass Effect.
Here is the link to the video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrZu3B...
And I apologize if anyone got the message that I believed all people with tattoos, piercings, or who wear skimpy clothing are abuse victims. I don't.
Alright, before I get into things, I'd like to give you some backstory.
I am the child of two feminists, yes, a man can be a feminist. I grew up being taught that women deserve the same rights, freedoms, and liberties as men, but also that equal rights means equal fights. My mother taught me that one.
I have a girlfriend who is a hardcore feminist herself, and who also likes to cosplay on the weekends at conventions. Look it up.
I have lived in a house where I was the only male amongst several females, and I found the experience fun, though having to share a single bathroom with four other people, all of whom also need the bathroom before work wasn't so fun.
All in all, I would consider myself a feminist. Yes, I hold open the door for women, but I also do it for men, the elderly, the disabled, pregnant people, etc.
I also play video games. Why the seemingly unrelated tangent? That's because Ms Lawrence bashes one of my favourite games, and the game that I consider to win the gauntlet in gender equality - Mass Effect.
Lawrence claims that the protagonist, Commander Shepard, who can be either male, or female, and whose appearance can be tweaked to the player's preference, but I'm going to be focussing on the female version, is a sexed up space diva, with a bulging rack, and who can go around raping people at random.
Clearly, I must be blind, because that isn't in the edition of Mass Effect that I played, or it's two sequels.
Whilst it is true that their are some elements of the series that I scoff at, such as Miranda's skin-tight catsuit, though at least Cerberus makes all of its staff, regardless of gender, wear the space-spandex, but all in all, Mass Effect is a game that tries to be fair, equal, and egalitarian.
FemShep, which is what players call the female Shepard, is an average woman with an average athletic figure well-suited for her life in the military, and who is usually covered head-to-toe in bulky armour.
The game is in the 2180's, a future where we have full gender equality, gay marriage, and where we don't look at people who have a different sexual orientation as deviants. With the exception of the gigantic, mind-controlling space robots that come and cull the galaxy of all sentient life every 50,000 years, I'd like to live in the Mass Effect future. Oops, I think I just spoilt the ending of the first game.
There is a character in the second game called Jack. She, not he, is a feared pirate, and criminal with the ability to control dark energy with her mind. So powerful was she that the government had to lock her up in cryostasis for fear that she would do harm.
Jack is scrawny, bald, wears what's left of her prison overalls, and is covered in scars and tattoos. The scars she got when she was a child, where she was bred in a laboratory, tortured and experimented on to see how powerful she could get, raped repeatedly, forced to kill the other children in the laboratory for sport, and who only managed to get out when she killed a guard at age nine during a mass riot. The tattoos are her way of recovering her body back after so long of it not belonging to her, of it being used as a tool against her, and any who she might care for.
A male Shepard can enter a relationship with her if the player chooses, and at the end of the game, Jack comes to him and admits her feelings. You would think that Shepard would then take a chance to consummate their relationship, right? Wrong.
Shepard and jack get on the bed and start kissing, little more. Because Shepard wasn't willing to go the whole mile until he knew that Jack was ready, and he was willing to wait until she was.
Does that sound like content in a game where you can allegedly rape anyone at will? It doesn't to me.
There is another character called Tali that Shepard can enter a relationship with if the player chooses, choice being the optimum word here.
Tali's species, the Quarians, have weak immune systems, and have to wear hazmat suits to interact with other people. In this instance, Tali states that she wants Shepard to be able to touch her skin, to see her face without a visor covering it, to kiss her. So Shepard seeks the help of a doctor, and states "Tali is important to me, I wouldn't be doing this if she didn't want it too."
Does that sound like a game where you can rape someone at will? I will post the video link where Shepard says it at the bottom.
A couple of months after Ms Lawrence went on TV to bash the game, she retracted her statements, claiming that she had never even played the game, that she "Misspoke".
Misspoke is a funny little word that can be used to essentially say, "Not my fault, honest!" A word that shifts blame on someone else.
If Ms Lawrence were half the writer she thinks she is, then she would have had the forethought to at least play the game that apparently contains graphic nudity, and the ability to rape everyone, and anyone, but she didn't, and instead shifted her blame onto somebody else.
Don't read this book, your time is more precious than that. Time that you could spend playing Mass Effect.
Here is the link to the video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrZu3B...
And I apologize if anyone got the message that I believed all people with tattoos, piercings, or who wear skimpy clothing are abuse victims. I don't.
September 2, 2024
The book felt like saying being lazy is ok because we'll never going to achieve our dream and we should just wallow in despairs.
November 2, 2024
I've never read this piece of shit book, but I've heard it's horrible and propagates pedophilia.
March 6, 2008
First I would like to say that if you think you're an overachiever; read this book and think again! The examples Ms. Cooper provides from her own life, as well as real-life stories from others, makes me feel slightly ashamed that I even considered myself to be an overachiever in the first place!
That said, I did enjoy the majority of this book. It's a breath of fresh air to finally hear (I mean, read) someone say that it's okay to be an overachiever as a woman. In fact, it's not just OK, Ms. Cooper encourages us to embrace it! And she provides wonderful examples of how it can be beneficial to your life.
I also truly appreciate the coping techniques she provided, just in case your overachieverness gets out of control. The questionnaires provided give great insight to your lifestyle and her tips are very helpful.
The only complaint I have about this book is the use of psychology and psychological jargon. While I appreciate learning something new; I did not anticipate getting a vocabulary lesson in psychological terms when I first picked up this book. If she had been a little more light-handed with the use of terminology, I think it would have been a little more reader-friendly.
That said, I did enjoy the majority of this book. It's a breath of fresh air to finally hear (I mean, read) someone say that it's okay to be an overachiever as a woman. In fact, it's not just OK, Ms. Cooper encourages us to embrace it! And she provides wonderful examples of how it can be beneficial to your life.
I also truly appreciate the coping techniques she provided, just in case your overachieverness gets out of control. The questionnaires provided give great insight to your lifestyle and her tips are very helpful.
The only complaint I have about this book is the use of psychology and psychological jargon. While I appreciate learning something new; I did not anticipate getting a vocabulary lesson in psychological terms when I first picked up this book. If she had been a little more light-handed with the use of terminology, I think it would have been a little more reader-friendly.
June 18, 2010
The Cult of Perfection offers advice on how to monitor our stress, prioritize our time, build lasting self-esteem and always feel in control. Psychology and relationship expert Cooper Lawrence shows the positive aspects of an overachieveing lifestyle and how to make it work for us so that we don't lose touch with family and friends. The book tells how personality, upbringing, and life events lead to overachieving and how this drive has an impact on our home and family life, friendships, health and even our future. The book is full of personal stories that confirm we are not alone. We are to learn how to delegate, balance our needs, set priorities and find out we are so much more that our achievements. I liked the book and I would recommend it.
got-bored
December 26, 2013Err...so...her description fits me pretty well. I have yet to see how helpful this book actually is in terms of providing tools to help me be a little less rushed and a little more happy, but I think it will end up having at least given me some structure and words to use when thinking about the personalities of me and some of the other folks I know.
Likes
* Easy to read.
* Clear 'what I'm talking about' definitions, including 'this doesn't actually count' examples.
Dislikes
* Focused specifically on women. (This actually makes a lot of sense, it's just that she didn't acknowledge that she's intentionally choosing a narrowed focus and that men fall into this category too. Comes across as mild female supremacy.)
Likes
* Easy to read.
* Clear 'what I'm talking about' definitions, including 'this doesn't actually count' examples.
Dislikes
* Focused specifically on women. (This actually makes a lot of sense, it's just that she didn't acknowledge that she's intentionally choosing a narrowed focus and that men fall into this category too. Comes across as mild female supremacy.)
July 27, 2015
While Lawrence's book is fascinating in its collection of stories about women who actively live as "overachievers," it fails to delve in to any self-help elements. I kept waiting for advice or deeper explanations. Instead, I read a text that combined a defense of being an overachiever (with little to no criticism of being overworked or ignoring relationships in favor of achievements) with incredibly simplified social psychology concepts and research.
Not to say I didn't enjoy the text - it just felt like a magazine article that got a little too long.
Not to say I didn't enjoy the text - it just felt like a magazine article that got a little too long.
March 11, 2008
I finally finished this book. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Though none of the concepts are overly earth shattering they did serve as a great reminder that I'm not crazy. It reminded me of ways to not allow anxiety to take over in stressful situation and I have to say I have not had a meltdown in a while, though whether I can attribute that to the book or things in my life stabilizing a bit I don't know but either way I would recommend the book to any women who is way to busy to read it :)>
January 7, 2008
Eh...I guess I expected more out of the book. There were some good points, but I don't think Lawrence ever got around to everything she'd meant to. It felt like something was missing. Still, I learned a few things so it wasn't a total loss.
June 6, 2008
I loved this book. It totally explains things to me with great insight. Highly recommend to my fellow perfectionists...
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews