Complete Book of Rules

The Rules

by Ellen Fein

Complete Book of Rules

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Love, Self Help

Hardcover

First published October 2, 2000

Reviews

[Thea Jessen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Haha, well this was a fun little book on dating. Picked this up thinking it was something completely different, got shocked knowing the actual content, and then ended up somewhat liking this book.

This book might be helpful for people who want dating advice, or just a good laugh at some of the "rules".

[Anka · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

The book equivalent of watching Bridgerton on Netflix. Plenty of old-school bioessentialism and opportunity for the reader to contemplate the logical necessity of self-restraint. And manipulation tactics? Yes. Ultimately this is a futile attempt at a How-To-Guide for something that is not how-to-fiable. Still entertaining!

This book will irritate any woman who prides herself on her directness and maturity and who can’t be bothered with the creation of suspense or old savoir vivre.

I found that a lot of the behaviours I instinctively clocked as unattractive were explained here quite well in logical terms.

[Pheroza · Rating 4 out of 5]

You have to read between the lines with this one, but the underlying message is the most important for all of us as human beings: don’t put yourself down and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, because at the end of the day we all want to be loved no matter what we may tell ourselves; more importantly we all deserve the thrill of being in love without feeling guilty for it.

[Sinead Jenkins · Rating 2 out of 5]

My therapist recommended this book and while it helped in some aspects for my attachment style (the main reason for reading) I hated the overall theme of the book.

It felt very dated (makes sense as it was released before i was born) the advice centred around the end goal being marriage, men make all the decisions in relationships and women just have to go along with it. It stated things like changing your appearance to please men, dress in a certain way and even lose weight for them - felt very fat shaming.

The book says things about not explaining to men WHY you are leaving - just that they will get the picture. I don’t think this is fair because they won’t understand there is a problem unless you tell them and I believe clear communication is important.

However there were some points I really liked and agreed with, of course rule 1 being “be a creature unlike any other” - aka be the best version of yourself always. “You had a life before him and still do” I liked this piece of advice because I’m someone who tends to lose all sense of myself when I’m dating, it was a reminder that I am my own person and having my own life is attractive.
“If someone is not asking you out, then they don’t want to be with you.” & “If he can live without you, you don’t want him.” - two stand out quotes that told me to remember my worth!

Overall, I’m glad I read this book because it stated things that were big reminders and it was a challenge to read something that isn’t particularly my point of view.

[العمرية هيا · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب جميل ومفيد جدا للمتزوجات طبعا لانو كتير اشياء وردت بالكتاب لا تتناسب مع ديننا الاسلامي لتطبيقها الا بعد الزواج او اثناء فترة الخطوبة اللي لفت نظري وخلاني اكمل الكتاب للاخر انو كتير مشاكل بين الازواج او الخاطبين تكون سببها تصرفات من الممكن تجنبها من خلال ضبط الانفعالات والعصبية والنق اللي موجودة عند كتير من البنات عدا عن الحساسية العالية عندهم والنكد اللي طلع ما الو داعي نهائيا والكتاب بطمنك انو ما في داعي لكتير من المشاكل من خلال فهم طباع الطرف الثاني وعدم محاولة تغييره وانو يا اما تقبل الشخص اللي قدامك زي ماهو او تبحث عن شخص اخر بكل بساطة هاد شيء بعلمك القناعة والرضا بالقسمة والنصيب وهاد ما بعني انو ما تضطر تقبل شخص مش محترمك جزء منو احترام لنفسك ولما يشوفك اللي قدامك انك محترم نفسك رح يقدرك اكثر مش انك تنسى كرامتك في سبيل اسعادو لانو عمرو حدا فينا رح يقببل يعيش مع حدا ملوش كرامة يعني بنقدر نقول عن الكتاب كتاب تنظيم علاقات وتنمية شخصية ايضا!

[Melissa Knox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Someone called this "old but gold," but I prefer, "classic wisdom." There's nothing sexist or manipulative here--there is a recognition that men and women are turned on by different things. The main message: women can avoid getting hurt by reading this book and following--or as the authors write "doing" the rules. There is active "doing" here: at the very least, you do change your behavior in order to avoid disappointment. At best, you find someone whom you can love and who loves you. Nothing to lose by doing the rules.

[Amanda Blick]

Old but gold! While this book’s message is to be taken with a grain of salt, it is still a masterpiece. So very helpful – it’s sad that so many modern-day women reject its message and end up in unfulfilling relationships where they have to do all the work. I believe this book’s content is pro-women: it teaches us to love ourselves and be treated as well as we think we deserve.

[sprinkle.your.sparkle · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is pretty hilarious to be read out loud with girlfriends: probably because it's quite outdated and probably because each woman has a story to back up or defy any rule in it. To sum it up = respect yourself.

[Yen Le · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book. It works in some respect, personally

[Surreptitious Bookworm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book - easy to read and makes a lot of sense!

[Ailin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wtf did I just read? This is the most sexist dating book out there… Listen to me, I read this so you don’t have to! Please don’t read this. Most of the “information” given in this book are actually false. I wont even try counting all the times I had to slam the book shut and take a deep breath. No book has ever frustrated me to this level before.

There’s a chapter where they explain the importance of men buying their dates jewellery to show how much they value their dates. Really??? Thats how they can show how much they value their dates?

Lets not even talk about the chapter where the author tells the reader to start wearing more sexier clothing. Whatever that means…
confidence is key in life! If you’re wearing something you’re uncomfortable with wearing, then you wont look “sexy” either way! God, why do you have to try to look sexy for men? If a man likes you, he likes you, period. There’s absolutely no questioning it!
To answer this horrible chapter, wear whatever makes you feel comfortable/ sexy!

And last, do me a favour and don’t read this book.

[amelya sjahlim-elberger · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think some of the pointers was helpful at first and then it becomes too repetitive. The author mentioned the same thing over and over again, but she just put it in a different way…
In a way, this book is actually for the desperate. It just tells you how not to be yourself! Maybe the tips will work and you get a relationship with the man that you want..but how do you keep up by not being your real self in the relationship? You will be so depressed and you'll start blaming yourself and your partner. The saddest thing in life is the fact that you cannot be yourself and keep on acting to be someone else that you're not and this book promotes that!

[Grace B. · Rating 1 out of 5]

I started reading this book because it was a birthday gift for me. My Gosh! This is a book for RULES how to date Ken! "Don't cut your hair short and dye it in non-natural colours; Wear heels and make-up EVERY-TIME you go out; Be mysterious, men LOVE mysterious women." and so on. Is this written by Carrie Bradshaw form "Sex and the City"? Even though I was fourteen when I got this book, it wasn't long before I realized it was a pile of... not very useful tips, unless you're Barbie and you search for your Ken.

[Ovgu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bu kitabı sürekli sürekli okuyorum, ve her zaman işe yarıyor.

[Zara Shah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this! I actually follow lots of the advice haha!

[Libby Shaw · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book however it was a very sexist and old fashioned view about dating, whether or not it is true is an individual thing. Interesting though.