Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

by Laurie Notaro

The author of the New York Times bestseller The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club tackles her biggest challenge grown-up life.

In Autobiography of a Fat Bride , Laurie Notaro tries painfully to make the transition from all-night partyer and bar-stool regular to mortgagee with plumbing problems and no air-conditioning. Laurie finds grown-up life just as harrowing as her reckless youth, as she meets Mr. Right, moves in, settles down, and crosses the toe-stubbing threshold of matrimony. From her mother's grade-school warning to avoid kids in tie-dyed shirts because their hippie parents spent their food money on drugs and art supplies; to her night-before-the-wedding panic over whether her religion is the one where you step on the glass; to her unfortunate overpreparation for the mandatory drug-screening urine test at work; to her audition as a Playboy centerfold as research for a newspaper story, Autobiography of a Fat Bride has the same zits-and-all candor and outrageous humor that made Idiot Girls an instant cult phenomenon.

In Autobiography of a Fat Bride , Laurie contemplates family, home improvement, and the horrible tyrannies of cosmetic saleswomen. She finds that life doesn't necessarily get any easier as you get older. But it does get funnier.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Chick Lit, Comedy, Biography

257 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

About the author

Laurie Notaro is a New York Times best-selling American writer.

Reviews

[Carina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Meg, Laurie's coworker said after Laurie came in distraught over her gynecologist calling her fat,] ".... I have a nice story to tell you. There was a chubby girl in my class and she used to get made fun of all the time. Then, one day, she said something that I'll never forget. She turned around and told the skinny girls who were making fun of her, 'I'd rather be a happy Magic Marker than a toothpick with boogers on it.'

Oh my God.

"Who is the Magic Marker in this scenario?" I asked. "I'm the Sharpie, aren't I, Meg? I am the Sharpie and you and Laura are the toothpicks, huh?"

"Troy's a happy Magic Marker, too," Meg offered.

This method of consoling, however, rarely works. Because you know what happens when you tell a fat person they're FAT? Well, they get sad and then they eat a cookie. They get sad and then they eat a doughnut. They get sad and then they eat a pizza. And then, the next day after you've called them fat because you "love them and want them to get healthy," THEY'RE FATTER. If you want a chunky to gain some skinny ground, tell them they look nice. Tell them they look slimmer despite the obvious bad choice of the horizontal-stripe capri pants. Give them something to work with, something to build on.

[Brianne · Rating 1 out of 5]

I just hated this book. It seemed like the author just sat down and said "I am going to write a funny, self-deprecating book" and then used that "humor" as a club to beat the reader with on every page. It's a 257 page definition of "trying too hard."

This may just be me nit-picking about semantics, but the constant "And then I said, 'Blah blah blah whatever I said!'" to his parents at Christmas dinner, and no you did not. There is no possible way that the author is going through life literally verbalizing the things that she places within quotation marks to everyone that she meets. I realize that that particular method of writing is kind of a staple of stand up comedy, and if this had been directly labelled as humor I might have been more willing to let it slide, but it's considered a memoir. To me, there's sometimes humor and subtlety in the gap between what you want to say to the cashier at Home Depot and what you actually say out of a sense of social appropriateness. And yet. Nearly every single page brought another outrageous "quote." Trying. Too. Hard.

[Crystal · Rating 1 out of 5]

I've tried to read two of Laurie Notaro's books because I love funny/wry/awesome memoirs, but I just can't deal with her over-exaggeration and her endless ways to call herself fat and gross. Body snarking gets old fast with me.

"Each one of my hips has more shelf space than my refrigerator and freezer combined."

"I'm in the body of a white, hairless gorilla."

"I hadn't tinkled since the night before, and my bladder felt as heavy and big as a watermelon."

"I felt my fat, and particularly my two most prominent abdominal tubes, bounce up and down."

"I caught a really strong whiff of a Jewish deli and realized it was coming from my right armpit."

Charmed, I'm sure.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I gave this sorry piece of literature two stars on amazon because I was feeling generous, but that moment has passed.
If this chick can get a book deal, then so can I. I kept reading because I am a hopeless optimist. Honestly, I lie. I kept reading because I hate to give up on anything. The book did have a few funny parts, but it seemed like an overblown exaggeration by a slacker who can't hold down a real job. We learn early on that she thinks hippies are dirty, but she goes on to describe her dreadlocks, being fired from jobs, not cleaning house, & working somewhere that a bra was not required.
Uhhhmmm....
Sounds suspiciously like a dirty hippie to me.
I found the jokes about her weight, Alzheimer's, & cancer to be appalling. Perhaps I'm just too old & mature to be reading satire. This book left a bad taste in my mouth. I don't recommend it, even if you run across it in a free bin at your local library.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

First book of her's and I laughed alot. She has a great way with words and is completely honest and self-deprecating. We're the same person really except I don't have a writing career. Yet.

[Leah K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adore Laurie Notaro. This is the third book I have read from her and she has not disappointed me yet. Spanning from her early days of dating to her life of marriage, this book left me smiling and laughing. Not because her stories are over-the-top antics but because I can relate to them so much. This may be my favorite memoir from her so far. Her constant moments of “wait, was I supposed to become an adult at some point?”, her sarcasm, and her wit left me unable to put down this book.

I have wondered how incredibly awesome it would be to hang out with this essayist and the other humorist essayist, Jen Lancaster. My amusement would never end I have a feeling. A fun, quick read and very enjoyable.

[Mary Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have an OCD thing where I always finish a book I've started, no matter how much I dislike it. I've suffered through some pure trash, trudging through while thanking God I'm a wicked fast reader. Well, I finally met my match with this book. I dislike this lady's writing style so much I just can't do it. Wow, what a horrible book!

[Toni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I knew nothing about Laurie Notaro nor had I read anything of hers before. But, I thought it looked funny, so I got it from my library. First, her writing is hilarious! She writes in such a way that I feel as if I'm sitting with her having a conversation over dinner or coffee. The analogies were so funny & creative that I had to highlight & make note of the ones that had me laughing out loud. I marked something in every chapter - literally.

Like I said, I knew nothing of Ms. Notaro before reading this book, but quickly found out how many similarities we have being from an Italian family. I, too, could write a book about the all crazy things my mom has said & done. Some were VERY similar to Laurie's mom - her stories were hilarious & I'm glad she chose to share them with us. There was no disrespect - in fact you can feel the love she has for her mother through her stories.

The love for her grandparents was touching & endearing. Having been so close to mine & cherishing the time I had with them, I was touched by the ones Laurie shared - especially the Nancy Sinatra one. That was fabulous. Frank Sinatra meant a lot to my family too and I'm so glad she ended her book with that story.

Overall, this was a fun & fast read. I'm glad I went out on a limb to read it. Ms. Notaro does not disappoint. I can't wait to read more of her books.

[Candi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my favorite Laurie Notaro book (so far). Notaro is simply hilarious, writing personal essays about her life that will make many women (including me) laugh in embarrassed recognition. There are so many, "YES, I've been there!" moments. Comparisons with David Sedaris are inevitable, although really, the main similarity is simply that both are funny enough that they cause rib pain.

I think this might be my favorite simply for the author's photo, which shows Ms. Notaro in her wedding dress, but no longer holding in her stomach, with her mouth full of cake.

[ريحانة · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were more 'fat' stories than bride stories.

Many stories were nothing more than mundane journal entries. Others had flat story lines with no merit whatsoever. And the majority had the same structure: painting the picture of an outrageous outcome, going backward in time to elucidate how things unfolded up to that point, then back to the outrageous outcome and more details about why it's outrageous even though it's not really a big deal.

I liked Laurie's style, I saw great potential in it. However, I think the editor totally failed her in this book. I believe that some good editing would have elevated this book to its full potential.

[Deborah Pickstone · Rating 1 out of 5]

Vapid but thinks it's funny. I think. Why do some people think that others will be mightily entertained by their ego? This book screams 'Notice me! Notice me!'. I did and was unimpressed.

[Ciara · Rating 2 out of 5]

this wasn't great literature, but it was far superior to the execrable i love everybody. i have made it pretty clear in other reviews that i am not a big laurie notaro fan, but when it's sitting on the free rack at a library book sale, what have i got to lose? i mean, it took me about twenty minutes to tear through it. i am extremely dubious about the story that involves her diapers-clad nephew getting his first boner. i don't really think it's physically possible for children that young to get boners, notaro is adamantly child-free, so i guess she wouldn't know, but it still bugged the shit out of me. as did all the shit about weight gain & shaving, etc etc, which i think is supposed to be funny, because, oh look, laurie thinks all that stuff is a pain in the ass! but she still buys into it to some degree & it bugs me to read about it.

she writes in her author bio that this is "miraculously," her second book. i couldn't agree more. bazooka joe chewing gum wrappers have made me laugh harder. & reading about someone else's wedding will never be interesting, even if you get drunk & kick the videographer out twenty minutes before the reception is over. that's not bad-assery in action; it's just drunken passive-aggression.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be absolutely hysterical, so much so, that I was laughing so hard while reading it, the bed was shaking. The book is more memoirs from the author during the time she's dating her future husband, their wedding, and when they're first married. I find her writing style to be absolutely a riot, but what appeals to me, may not appeal to everyone. She's very self-deprecating and there's a lot of potty humor. Think farts and poop. Maybe that sort of humor is my level, but I do find her clever. When she realizes that her boyfriend may be the last "Good Guy" in existance, she worries that he'll leave her for someone prettier and smarter, so she keeps him in a constant state of inebriation so he won't realize what she thinks she really looks like and in between, uses her super-power of frying cutlets to win his love through his stomach. Or, the day she gets engaged, she gets a call that her ex-boyfriend has gonnorhea, and when she's at her gynecologist getting checked out, the doctor spends the entire time telling her how fat she is. Okay, doesn't sound that funny when I tell it, but when she writes it, trust me, you'll shake the bed laughing. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this author's books.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm busy with school these days so my luxury reading time is limited. Generally I have my nose in a textbook! Because my "goof off" time is so rare, and often disjointed (snatches of time here and there over a period of months), I need a luxury read I can easily pick up and put down. This book fit the bill. Each installment is meant to stand alone and is a small window into Notaro's wacky, wonderful, weird, and highly amusing world. This book had me crying from laughter at one point. She is an author that sees the world like I do, so I thoroughly enjoy her perspective on things!

I only gave it 4 stars for this reason: I felt one or two of the installments were a bit forced. Also, if you are someone who is going through a sincerely big crisis in your life, you may find her griping, and laughing, about the ridiculous little inconveniences in life a bit annoying. Personally I thought they were hilarious, and I even had my co-workers doubled over laughing at the few passages. So if you're up for some giggles, pick up this book and enjoy.

[Beth Hatch · Rating 4 out of 5]

This woman is hilarious! When I first picked it up, I assumed it would be chapter upon chapter of some chick ranting about trying on wedding dresses and then eating too much sample cake. The chapters were little stories in themselves, all laugh out loud funny, about being a newlywed who basically lives in her husband's sweatpants and is trying to manage her life in marital bliss.

I loved every single page. Yes, even the afterward with a picture of her in her wedding dress with the caption, "As her lucky spouse closes the deal by signing the marriage license, his new bride is not only taking that opportunity to dig a meatball particle out of her teeth with her tongue, but has also completely abandoned the effort of sucking her stomach in, never to return."

The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars was because there was no logical flow to the book. It kind-of read all over the place. It was hard to know when each chapter was taking place, like journal entries with no date. Other than that, a great read.

[Tricia · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am super disappointed in this book. There were a few things that made me laugh, but as I read on I began to like the book less and less. Enough with the over-exaggerations, I have no idea what in this story was even true and what was just pure fantasy 'for laughs'. The tearing down of her body got pretty old quickly, there's only so many times you can whine about your thighs and hips before it gets annoying, thats what the majority of this book felt like.

[Jane Sandquist · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not my style at all. I got really tired of it very fast and it is one of the few books in my life I decided not to finish. Cannot believe I read 3/4 of it before letting myself let it go. I did not like anything about it - the vocabulary, the style, the content. This book was given to me when I was flying and desperate, having finished all my New Yorkers and books.

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laurie Notaro's work is the best place to turn to for comic relief. Her sarcasm is to be admired! She writes about the absurdity of life and all the lameness that comes our way. If you are looking for a book to give a girl friend of yours as a gift - turn to Laurie.

[Joel · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh. My. Goodness.

Where to begin?

First, let's start with the title. Based off of it, I assumed this was a memoir. It wasn't. It was a collection of short vignettes that, I think, were supposed to be funny.

They weren't.

A more realistic title for this would have been: Things That Were Never Said or Done in the History of Ever. Because I've read some of these stories before. And they weren't by the author, and they were before this was published. So, no, not buying that most of this ever happened.

I listened to the audiobook version of this which is probably the only reason I finished it. I found myself fantasizing about conversations the narrator might be having with her producer and agent regarding the possibility of hazard pay for having to suffer through verbalizing this abomination.

Now that is something I could believe actually happened.

1 out of 5 stars

[Julie Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the type of book I've been looking for! Recommended by a bookcrosser at a meetup, I went out and bought it the next day. Notaro's hilarious autobiography is broken into 1 1/2 - 3 page essays that I can read a bit at a time. I've been needing a book that I can pick up and put down when I can find a minute here and there to read.

Laurie Notaro's stories are about mundane daily occurrences that normal adults seemed buried in and would hardly take the time to discuss, but she turns them into outrageously funny stories. I found myself relating to her totally, even telling people some of her stories as if she were a friend, like, "Did you know that if you flush your tampons.....?" "I heard that a cat could 'just slip away' if given anesthesia for a teeth-cleaning..."

People say that you either love or hate Notaro's writing. I disagree--her stories are hit or miss with me; I'm not passionate about her either way. This particular book gets old/irritating if you read it at once as an autobiography since the topics are all over the place and she repeats some information several times as if each little chapter or essay were written at completely different times. When reading only one essay in a sitting or in random order, that feeling of being at a comedy act that I had when I read the first few chapters comes back.

If read front to back, the chapters after the wedding really dragged and I almost released it without finishing it. Don't be fooled! It gets much better starting with "Red Mice."

My favorites--the ones that had me laughing hysterically all by myself at the park (I had to close the book and hold my stomach as I was rolled over in a fit of laughter)and ones that were worth reading aloud to friends:

"White noise, white soap....." (I read this to my friend two days before her wedding)
"As time goes by"
"My mother, my self, my god" (the best)

[Lynda · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is a true autobiography of Laurie Notaro. Actually, to call it an autobiography would be unfair. It’s more like a series of based-on-real-life-events stories.

Laurie is an odd woman, one I can identify with. She is funny and smart in her recollections of family and household antics.

I found the book similar to Candy and Me due to the efforts the author takes to distance herself from her readers and the one-story-at-a-time approach to writing. During the entire book, I’m not sure we ever learn Laurie’s husband’s name. That fact alone disturbed me. Why is it omitted?

There’s no plot going on with the book at all. Each chapter can be read independently of each other. Again, while that’s not a bad thing, it just made the book a choppy read for me.

For some reason I was under the impression that this book would be an actual tale of a fat bride. Maybe the struggles a fat bride has to go through to get her wedding pulled off. In fact, it’s the story of a slightly overweight woman. Maybe two or three chapters are spent discussing the wedding. Guess I should have read the cover better.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you haven't read anything by Laurie Notaro then you're living a life devoid of humor. She has written a half dozen books, almost all of which I own and just get funnier as she goes! This particular book, her second, Laurie goes from being a single woman living the high life of a bar stool to a married old lady paying bills on time. Her little vignettes are laugh-out-loud hilarious, especially when talking about her husband who accepts her for the idiotic and mean person she is -- and still loves her.

This is the first of her books I've read cover-to-cover, most of the others I would skip around, re-reading favorite stories. Laurie had me wishing I had a husband to torture and mock. And she proved that even though a woman gives up her freedom and irresponsibility when she gets married, she doesn't have to give up her idiosyncrasies or cigarettes.

I laughed so much reading this that just about everybody at work came to check on me, to see if I was okay, and what I was reading. Hopefully they will pick her up next time they're at the book store. Maybe you will, too.

[Charlotte Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this book by Laurie Notaro because I was in the process of writing my own set of humorous personal essays and was ruminating about just how far I could go. Writing about the people in your life (and by people, I mean a husband, mother, and/or mother-in-law) is an Evil Kneivel kind of thing to do in any case. It takes a certain amount of bravery and a deficit of common sense. Writing about loved ones with the goal of making readers laugh can be especially terrifying, and, like jumping over a moving truck on a rocket bike, stupid, stupid, stupid. Notaro helped me screw my courage to the sticking place. She doesn't shrink from gross bodily functions (hers and others), unredacted reporting of the outrageous things her mother says, and admitting her own messy emotions. I decided if being fearless and honest could also make me be this funny, I was in.

[MissSusie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laurie Notaro does it again! So many great chapters! The one about buying a new bra was so hilarious! And can you imagine your gynecologist calling you fat and other disparaging remarks. Laurie actually finds a man who loves her despite all her faults AND possible scary things associated with her past. Oh her poor husband he puts up with a lot from her you just have to have sympathy for him, especially the toothbrush incident.


These books are so much fun and I don’t care if I look like a crazy person listening to these and laughing out loud I need the laughs!
Hillary Huber’s narration is really great, her timing on all the great stories that Laurie has written is just spot on!

4 Stars

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Riotously funny! Laurie Notaro strings together the mundane, frustrating, and embarrassing moments, and turns it into pure hilarity.

Even toddlers, pets and siblings do not escape scrutiny and provide many of the messy yet charming vignettes of life.

Also gotta give props to her husband, mom, Nana and Pop Pop who add immensely to her tale of adulthood.

Some stories are random and a little confusing, but the author doesn't back down. Perhaps that's the point... Growing up is all of that and more.

This book made me laugh out loud, snort and tear up as Laurie Notaro proved that age is just a number.

[Les · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Laurie Notaro. I want to hang out with her and exchange non housekeeping tips. This book is truly Laugh out loud funny. So if you read it on public transportation you will make the other riders nervous.

This book covers Laurie's dating, wedding and marriage. The videographer from hell will make you laugh and the story of her ailing grandpop getting out of his wheel chair to dance to ol' Blue eyes will make you misty. My favorite part is where she compares caring for a 6 month old baby to caring for a drunken male adult - comedy genius.

This is Erma Bombeck for Gen X.

[Kelsey Dangelo-Worth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read this book at least twice before. I love Laurie Notaro. She is absolutely hilarious and has such a talent for hyperbole, comedic timing, description, and endearing self-effacing humor (as she faces all the things we all do). Because I recently got engaged, I had to reread her autobiographical account of her own courtship, engagement, and foray into married life. It was wonderful and so true. And a refreshing break from the hellscape of bridal magazine advice. Love her. Grade: A+

[Martina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Il titolo è la cosa meno azzeccata del mondo. ma vabbè.
È piuttosto carino e divertente, anche se alcuni riferimenti non li ho capiti e a volte il ritorno su certi temi mi ha un po' stufato.
Ottimo per una seratina in cui non si ha voglia di pensare molto e di ritrovare quelle situazioni imbarazzanti che ci hanno colpite tutte.

[Laurie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I laughed out loud and the Frank Sinatra/grandparents story at the end made me cry because it reminded me how much my grandparents have meant to me throughout my life. Great book Laurie Notaro!

[Eleanor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Totally hysterical and irreverent! I loved it and can't wait to read another one of hers.