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The Pillow Friend
From the critically acclaimed author of The Mysteries comes a haunting, lyrical, and provocative novel of a young woman’s coming-of-age betwixt dream and reality. Here there’s only one thing more dangerous than desire—getting what you want. . . .
As a child, Agnes Grey dreamed of the perfect friend to ease her a doll that would talk to her, tell her stories, share her secrets. Only her aunt Marjorie seemed to really understand. Something of an outcast herself, she told Agnes she’ d had just such a doll when she was a child. She called it her pillow friend. So when Agnes receives her very own pillow friend—an old-fashioned porcelain doll painted to look like an old-world gentleman—she’s certain her dreams have come true. And so they have—but in ways that Agnes could never have imagined. For as the line between fantasy and reality blurs, Agnes discovers that every dream has its price and every desire must be paid for. Be very careful what you wish for . . . he’ll surely give it to you.
As a child, Agnes Grey dreamed of the perfect friend to ease her a doll that would talk to her, tell her stories, share her secrets. Only her aunt Marjorie seemed to really understand. Something of an outcast herself, she told Agnes she’ d had just such a doll when she was a child. She called it her pillow friend. So when Agnes receives her very own pillow friend—an old-fashioned porcelain doll painted to look like an old-world gentleman—she’s certain her dreams have come true. And so they have—but in ways that Agnes could never have imagined. For as the line between fantasy and reality blurs, Agnes discovers that every dream has its price and every desire must be paid for. Be very careful what you wish for . . . he’ll surely give it to you.
368 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 1996
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480 people want to read
About the author
Lisa Tuttle
272 books411 followers(Wife of Colin Murray) aka Maria Palmer (house pseudonym).
Lisa Tuttle taught a science fiction course at the City Lit College, part of London University, and has tutored on the Arvon courses. She was residential tutor at the Clarion West SF writing workshop in Seattle, USA. She has published six novels and two short story collections. Many of her books have been translated into French and German editions.
Lisa Tuttle taught a science fiction course at the City Lit College, part of London University, and has tutored on the Arvon courses. She was residential tutor at the Clarion West SF writing workshop in Seattle, USA. She has published six novels and two short story collections. Many of her books have been translated into French and German editions.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
February 10, 2017
A very ambiguous ending...I hate that. More later.
Ok. I have a feeling I'll be thinking about this one for a while. The writing was very good and even though I had no idea where this book was going, she had me hanging and wanting more. Several times she took me to a place that was bizarre and disturbing. The most disturbing part, however, was that these things happened in Agnes's mind (main character)...or did they? The line between reality and fantasy was very blurred. Did this pillow friend exist? Did Marjorie her aunt? Were these all made up; figments of her imagination? An internal defense? This girl is messed up and leaves me with so many questions. Brilliant journey into the mind of someone who is very unstable. This was my first Lisa Tuttle book and certainly not my last! I also want to add that the relationship between Agnes and Graham was very dysfunctional that it was just fascinating to read. It was way too much work, but again gives evidence to the very unbalanced mind of Agnes. Great job!
Ok. I have a feeling I'll be thinking about this one for a while. The writing was very good and even though I had no idea where this book was going, she had me hanging and wanting more. Several times she took me to a place that was bizarre and disturbing. The most disturbing part, however, was that these things happened in Agnes's mind (main character)...or did they? The line between reality and fantasy was very blurred. Did this pillow friend exist? Did Marjorie her aunt? Were these all made up; figments of her imagination? An internal defense? This girl is messed up and leaves me with so many questions. Brilliant journey into the mind of someone who is very unstable. This was my first Lisa Tuttle book and certainly not my last! I also want to add that the relationship between Agnes and Graham was very dysfunctional that it was just fascinating to read. It was way too much work, but again gives evidence to the very unbalanced mind of Agnes. Great job!
January 19, 2025
1/25 reread: It is a crying shame that this book is not readily available in print or ebook. Used copies are getting harder to hunt down--you can still find a few cheapies, but the paperback is $25-30 on the most popular sites. Maybe it's appropriate for this masterpiece of mindfuckery to be a hidden gem, but I think the world is ready for it and I hope somebody's working on a reprint!
- - - -
The way Lisa Tuttle explores female desire, in this book and others--I've never read anything like it.
An episodic, book-length exploration of the fantasy life of one woman that begins in her Houston childhood and then follows her to college in Austin, and then abroad to England and Scotland. Throughout her life (but seemingly at random), Agnes's desires take on corporeal form, intruding on her life and shaping her decisions--particularly her romantic and reproductive decisions, but also her friendships with women, her writing career, the places she chooses to travel and live, and always and above everything, her sexual relationship with herself.
In true fairy tale fashion, Agnes's wishes come true--but only sort of. And there's always a price. Her fantasies confuse and entangle her; motivate her, but also send her in circles, chasing things and people that don't exist; and, most disastrously, entrap her in a pointless marriage with a "great" British poet who drains her dry (something she herself predicts will happen, in a section of the book that turns out to be her first published short story). Her wishes may steer her wrong, but they also satisfy her like nothing else does (especially sexually!)--and really, it's the reality that fails her, every time.
I struggle to articulate what it is about Tuttle's style that has such a hold on me--there is a bit of '70s-era Margaret Atwood there, and a bit of Iris Murdoch, the literary realism of the consciousness-raising era laced with supernatural situations that seem to arise out of a crisis of intensity in female experience. As such they don't resolve neatly, but rather echo and recur uncannily; any real resolution takes the story directly into horror. I guess maybe the fact that our points of reference are eerily similar--to the point where I recognize every single Houston and Austin location, not to mention the regionally specific off-color jokes, specific books she reads as a child, restaurants she eats in--makes it feel a lot more intense for me. But there's something relentless about it either way. I don't think this is a book about insanity, or at least I hope not, because it feels a lot like a book about me.
- - - -
The way Lisa Tuttle explores female desire, in this book and others--I've never read anything like it.
An episodic, book-length exploration of the fantasy life of one woman that begins in her Houston childhood and then follows her to college in Austin, and then abroad to England and Scotland. Throughout her life (but seemingly at random), Agnes's desires take on corporeal form, intruding on her life and shaping her decisions--particularly her romantic and reproductive decisions, but also her friendships with women, her writing career, the places she chooses to travel and live, and always and above everything, her sexual relationship with herself.
In true fairy tale fashion, Agnes's wishes come true--but only sort of. And there's always a price. Her fantasies confuse and entangle her; motivate her, but also send her in circles, chasing things and people that don't exist; and, most disastrously, entrap her in a pointless marriage with a "great" British poet who drains her dry (something she herself predicts will happen, in a section of the book that turns out to be her first published short story). Her wishes may steer her wrong, but they also satisfy her like nothing else does (especially sexually!)--and really, it's the reality that fails her, every time.
I struggle to articulate what it is about Tuttle's style that has such a hold on me--there is a bit of '70s-era Margaret Atwood there, and a bit of Iris Murdoch, the literary realism of the consciousness-raising era laced with supernatural situations that seem to arise out of a crisis of intensity in female experience. As such they don't resolve neatly, but rather echo and recur uncannily; any real resolution takes the story directly into horror. I guess maybe the fact that our points of reference are eerily similar--to the point where I recognize every single Houston and Austin location, not to mention the regionally specific off-color jokes, specific books she reads as a child, restaurants she eats in--makes it feel a lot more intense for me. But there's something relentless about it either way. I don't think this is a book about insanity, or at least I hope not, because it feels a lot like a book about me.
March 31, 2021
Da fuck did I just read?
This book should come with a warning label. Wow it's really well-written..and graphic. It wasn't at all about what I thought it would be about.
This book comes complete with a nice episode of Maury, thank god.
———
Edit: I think about this book often and I’d like to come back to it someday.
This book should come with a warning label. Wow it's really well-written..and graphic. It wasn't at all about what I thought it would be about.
This book comes complete with a nice episode of Maury, thank god.
———
Edit: I think about this book often and I’d like to come back to it someday.
August 30, 2012
This is the story of a woman and the various fetishes that accompany her from youth to adulthood, from an antique doll given her by an aunt, to a boy at school, to an English poet whose photo she finds at her aunt's forest home, and even stranger things.
I really enjoyed reading about her as a child and teenager, but once she hits her twenties the novel becomes a full-on romance story for about 100 pages (though it feels much longer). The weirdness does finally return, and there is an intense if ambiguous conclusion. An interesting work of magical realism, or maybe surrealism, if you can get through the middle section.
I really enjoyed reading about her as a child and teenager, but once she hits her twenties the novel becomes a full-on romance story for about 100 pages (though it feels much longer). The weirdness does finally return, and there is an intense if ambiguous conclusion. An interesting work of magical realism, or maybe surrealism, if you can get through the middle section.
October 9, 2023
I need more time to come up with some coherent thoughts. This book wasn’t really a page turner for me in that I wasn’t burning through it, but it was so beautiful. The emotional logic of the story—which, by the way, is absolutely bonkers—feels like it’s changed something about the way I view desire as a woman on some hard to articulate way. STRONG RECOMMEND.
October 8, 2023
eponymous sentence:
p20: But because it came from Marjorie, because this must be the pillow friend, the answer to her wish, she could not be disappointed, only surprised by how far reality diverged from her fantasy.
This is very disturbing. Not my kind of disturbing, though.
p20: But because it came from Marjorie, because this must be the pillow friend, the answer to her wish, she could not be disappointed, only surprised by how far reality diverged from her fantasy.
This is very disturbing. Not my kind of disturbing, though.
September 1, 2013
I read this a few years ago, and I still remember the book vividly. That is definitely to its credit--unfortunately, sometimes I read so many books in a row (I usually have stacks all over the house, 90% checked out from the library, or I'd go broke supporting my habit) that I forget which story went with which title. I was a little ashamed when I started putting my list on Good Reads, that I had to leave an awful lot of titles off because I knew I'd read them (my list said so!) but I honestly could remember nothing about them. (In my defense, this is decades worth of books, not stuff I've read recently!)
But I will never forget reading "The Pillow Friend." It is that weird, original and, in places, down-right disturbing. It is also on a topic that fascinates me: the intersection between imagination and reality.
Books about "imaginary friends" (using the term very widely) can be a challenge for an author to pull off in a way that's both satisfying and convincing. There are basically three ways to resolve it: the character is revealed to be crazy (which can feel like a let-down); the character really does have an (not so) "imaginary friend" (which can be too silly); or the matter is left ambiguous (which can be aggravating).
In this case, Agnes' "imaginary friend" is a doll who seems to grant wishes. On the surface of it, Agnes seems to wish for a rather boring life of domesticity and marriage to a poet. (Not to be a poet herself, mind you. Just to be the wife of one.) Actually, one of the reasons I only gave this book three stars was I simply could not warm up to Agnes at all. That character annoyed the crap out of me.
Even from the beginning, a queasy sexual tension underlies this novel. Not in an erotic or taboo way, either. Agnes' mental landscape is pretty sick, culminating in one particular scene (you will know which one if you read it) that is, for lack of a better word, completely icky. I am not criticizing this scene -- it is a brilliant depiction of Agnes' inner landscape, her "wish," if you will -- but icky. (No spoilers, but I will say the ick factor isn't due to violence.)
Unfortunately, I wasn't a big fan of the ending, but as I said, that is extremely hard to pull off to my satisfaction in a book like this. I would recommend this book to people who enjoy a study of psychological pathology with some fantasy elements. It's not a straight-forward fantasy like some of the author's other books.
But I will never forget reading "The Pillow Friend." It is that weird, original and, in places, down-right disturbing. It is also on a topic that fascinates me: the intersection between imagination and reality.
Books about "imaginary friends" (using the term very widely) can be a challenge for an author to pull off in a way that's both satisfying and convincing. There are basically three ways to resolve it: the character is revealed to be crazy (which can feel like a let-down); the character really does have an (not so) "imaginary friend" (which can be too silly); or the matter is left ambiguous (which can be aggravating).
In this case, Agnes' "imaginary friend" is a doll who seems to grant wishes. On the surface of it, Agnes seems to wish for a rather boring life of domesticity and marriage to a poet. (Not to be a poet herself, mind you. Just to be the wife of one.) Actually, one of the reasons I only gave this book three stars was I simply could not warm up to Agnes at all. That character annoyed the crap out of me.
Even from the beginning, a queasy sexual tension underlies this novel. Not in an erotic or taboo way, either. Agnes' mental landscape is pretty sick, culminating in one particular scene (you will know which one if you read it) that is, for lack of a better word, completely icky. I am not criticizing this scene -- it is a brilliant depiction of Agnes' inner landscape, her "wish," if you will -- but icky. (No spoilers, but I will say the ick factor isn't due to violence.)
Unfortunately, I wasn't a big fan of the ending, but as I said, that is extremely hard to pull off to my satisfaction in a book like this. I would recommend this book to people who enjoy a study of psychological pathology with some fantasy elements. It's not a straight-forward fantasy like some of the author's other books.
November 22, 2018
From the premise I thought this was about a girl who has imaginary friends and over time she becomes more insular and cut off from the real world. That's not really what this book is about so it was quite different to what I was expecting. It is more of a coming of age/character study about Agnes, following her from childhood as she grows older and has different relationships. I would class this as literary fiction with some fantasy and horror elements. There is an unsettling undertone to the story and the horror elements are mostly psychological. I found the story quite slow at times but I thought Tuttle's writing was excellent so I will definitely be reading more of her work.
July 27, 2011
Creepy creepier creepiest!! This was a great read for my horror group.
May 26, 2014
I did not anticipate this book being such a good read, I really didn't. But it was absolutely phenomenal! I loved it!
June 16, 2016
This is my idea of a dark, very disturbing chick lit.
February 12, 2019
What? Wow. What? If there's anything I've learned from The Madness of a Seduced Woman, it's that I love the name Agnes, especially when applied to a character who cannot distinguish dreams from reality. I really like this book.
what i learned from it:
what is a bothy / about Jura, Scotland, in the Inner Hebrides / about Jan Morris, the rad as hell author of The Pax Britannica Trilogy (and about it, also) / the horse named Falada in The Goose Girl, & the real meaning of crepuscular.
the more you know!
what i learned from it:
what is a bothy / about Jura, Scotland, in the Inner Hebrides / about Jan Morris, the rad as hell author of The Pax Britannica Trilogy (and about it, also) / the horse named Falada in The Goose Girl, & the real meaning of crepuscular.
the more you know!
July 17, 2008
Creepy book. I loved huge chunks of it, but I was frustrated by the main character's lack of imagination.
May 2, 2012
There were some parts that were good but I just can't get past some of the more outlandish themes of this book.
January 31, 2025
I have somehow gone my whole life without hearing of Lisa Tuttle, and have sorely missed out because of it. I am very grateful to one Ms Amy Gentry for recommending me “The Pillow Friend”, shortly after I finished reading the equally wonderful, short story, “My Death”.
Much similarly to “My Death” I initially planned to rate it four stars, and again similarly, the book worked it’s strange charm, much like a spell, and left me feeling deeply unsettled and moved by the end of it, to the effect I felt it cannot be anything other than five stars. At a certain point Tuttle’s writing induces hypnosis; I believe this one may perhaps be even dreamier than the first of hers I read. I actually had to spend a few days to arrange my thoughts after reading.
At first sight, it read much differently to “My Death”. It was set in an environment unfamiliar to me (in Texas), a third person perspective was assumed, and the prose was somewhat different also. These are all positive things, as to me it shows versatility in the author, and also, what begun as an unfamiliar environment became almost intimate to me. I could tell from the writing in the first portion, written from young Agnes’ perspective, how personal and special this place was to the author, and she performed through it excellently. I felt very immersed in the setting.
On a second glance, I begun to decipher similarities between the two bodies of work. A profound sense of isolation pervades both pieces, a tension also, and an expertly controlled sense of madness. Tuttle executes a perfect fine line between chaos, and control in her writing.
I felt the beginning started slowly, (not a qualm at all), her writing is pleasurable irregardless, and following this initial slowness, I felt those parts written from a child’s perspective were so delightful to read, fascinating also, I felt she had really tapped into something special there.
Honestly, I think she has written something so profound, and occultish, I don’t wish to even tarnish the book by passing labels onto it, or trying to summarise it, explain it, or even understand it.
All I can say is, how my heart beat so fast during the final interaction with her horse! and how feverishly my eyes insisted on each peculiar moment that followed.
I think Agnes is a truly fascinating character, and I enjoyed that whilst she intrigued me, I never completely knew or understood her, much like how she never really knew her Mother, or how anyone in the book knew her completely either. Tuttle writes women exceptionally well, and whilst this story was more graphic than “My Death”, I did not feel it was too vulgar.
I also felt the character of Graham was written well, I think Tuttle captured that specific brand of manipulative, condescending, older, romantic man very well.
I especially enjoyed that random offshoot where we almost travel into another world. The first depiction of Agnes travelling to London, and the first portrayal of her relationship with Graham, where the magic of a muse is explored, before we return to her world in Texas. Again, it was very clever, and drove me deeper into the story, and the fine lines between reality, the imagined, and the thin places in between.
The ambiguous ending was enjoyable for me, despite the incomplete feeling that arose, that comes with all cliffhangers. In any case I thought it was clever, and fit the tone perfectly. I spent a long time afterwards wondering about it.
Much similarly to “My Death” I initially planned to rate it four stars, and again similarly, the book worked it’s strange charm, much like a spell, and left me feeling deeply unsettled and moved by the end of it, to the effect I felt it cannot be anything other than five stars. At a certain point Tuttle’s writing induces hypnosis; I believe this one may perhaps be even dreamier than the first of hers I read. I actually had to spend a few days to arrange my thoughts after reading.
At first sight, it read much differently to “My Death”. It was set in an environment unfamiliar to me (in Texas), a third person perspective was assumed, and the prose was somewhat different also. These are all positive things, as to me it shows versatility in the author, and also, what begun as an unfamiliar environment became almost intimate to me. I could tell from the writing in the first portion, written from young Agnes’ perspective, how personal and special this place was to the author, and she performed through it excellently. I felt very immersed in the setting.
On a second glance, I begun to decipher similarities between the two bodies of work. A profound sense of isolation pervades both pieces, a tension also, and an expertly controlled sense of madness. Tuttle executes a perfect fine line between chaos, and control in her writing.
I felt the beginning started slowly, (not a qualm at all), her writing is pleasurable irregardless, and following this initial slowness, I felt those parts written from a child’s perspective were so delightful to read, fascinating also, I felt she had really tapped into something special there.
Honestly, I think she has written something so profound, and occultish, I don’t wish to even tarnish the book by passing labels onto it, or trying to summarise it, explain it, or even understand it.
All I can say is, how my heart beat so fast during the final interaction with her horse! and how feverishly my eyes insisted on each peculiar moment that followed.
I think Agnes is a truly fascinating character, and I enjoyed that whilst she intrigued me, I never completely knew or understood her, much like how she never really knew her Mother, or how anyone in the book knew her completely either. Tuttle writes women exceptionally well, and whilst this story was more graphic than “My Death”, I did not feel it was too vulgar.
I also felt the character of Graham was written well, I think Tuttle captured that specific brand of manipulative, condescending, older, romantic man very well.
I especially enjoyed that random offshoot where we almost travel into another world. The first depiction of Agnes travelling to London, and the first portrayal of her relationship with Graham, where the magic of a muse is explored, before we return to her world in Texas. Again, it was very clever, and drove me deeper into the story, and the fine lines between reality, the imagined, and the thin places in between.
The ambiguous ending was enjoyable for me, despite the incomplete feeling that arose, that comes with all cliffhangers. In any case I thought it was clever, and fit the tone perfectly. I spent a long time afterwards wondering about it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 18, 2023
*** SPOILERS BELOW ***
A Jungian sexual horror nightmare (not that I know that much about Jung).
There are lots of different levels in this book that I imagine a Jungian analyst would relish shifting through. The section where the little girl narrator is obsessed with her doll. The next section when she is obsessed with her horse who turns demonic on her. The next section when she has a Taylor-Swift-Fearless-era obsessive high school crush which also takes a very disturbing, sexual turn. When she is trapped in the house with the naked man and eats him. The non-pregnancy and birth section. This book... goes deep! Even trying to remember and summarize the plot has me like, "Damn, this book was messed up." But in a good way!
Stars deducted because there is way, way too much in here about the narrator's affair with the British poet. Cut, cut, cut, cut.
A Jungian sexual horror nightmare (not that I know that much about Jung).
There are lots of different levels in this book that I imagine a Jungian analyst would relish shifting through. The section where the little girl narrator is obsessed with her doll. The next section when she is obsessed with her horse who turns demonic on her. The next section when she has a Taylor-Swift-Fearless-era obsessive high school crush which also takes a very disturbing, sexual turn. When she is trapped in the house with the naked man and eats him. The non-pregnancy and birth section. This book... goes deep! Even trying to remember and summarize the plot has me like, "Damn, this book was messed up." But in a good way!
Stars deducted because there is way, way too much in here about the narrator's affair with the British poet. Cut, cut, cut, cut.
October 28, 2023
Very grim book. Tuttle writes well, and there's a real and potent power to the first third and the ending itself. Unfortunately, the book's middle section becomes bogged down by a romance subplot which, while ultimately necessary to the story and thematically relevant, goes on for too long and becomes a bit too repetitive.
Still, this was a nice little find. I'd be interested to see what else Tuttle has written.
Still, this was a nice little find. I'd be interested to see what else Tuttle has written.
January 20, 2023
Convoluted in all the right ways, scandalous in many of the horrible ones too twisted not to savor. It can be mistaken for being unremarkable if you quit halfway through.
I will have difficulty putting down books I'm conflicted about now, in fear that they may be a Tuttle-style machination. What an annoying little trait this will be.
I will have difficulty putting down books I'm conflicted about now, in fear that they may be a Tuttle-style machination. What an annoying little trait this will be.
May 19, 2020
Tiptree shortlist 1996. I don't know how this got onto the Tiptree list - it says nothing about gender and is merely a woman obsessing about one man after another. I got half way through and gave up. The sff-fantasy element was predictable.
June 5, 2018
Really, really confusing and creepy, but good.
April 23, 2020
A powerful dark fantasy about the results of wishing.
July 30, 2020
this was a mistake
February 22, 2022
Terrifyingly good. A little Victorian in the dialogue at points, but an enrapturing peek into which way madness lies.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 3, 2023
I don’t even know what I just read- I am so disturbed. Wtf
August 25, 2024
What the fuck? lol
April 18, 2025
What did I even just read? I'm so confused and a lot annoyed with Agnes. I dont even know what to put in this review because I'm not sure what I read.
February 13, 2009
A fascinating and off center work is quite brilliant in the subversive ways it explores desires and wish fulfillment. While technichally a horror book, the horror of this book is incredibly subtle and psychological and does not neccesarily require a supernatural explanation although one is certainly available.
Some of tuttle's writing suffers from being a bit too genre fictiony for my taste though, I have the same problem with many american horror writers but overall this was a small qualm
Some of tuttle's writing suffers from being a bit too genre fictiony for my taste though, I have the same problem with many american horror writers but overall this was a small qualm
February 8, 2012
My first taste of Lisa Tuttle has left me wanting for more. Wonderfully dark and surreal, it is written the language of dreams, and more than a story, it's an atmosphere and a landscape of madness. It is an uncanny reflection of real life and it's sometimes difficult to draw the line between reality and dream. Fantastic!
July 24, 2011
The first 2/3 of the book were interesting and once the mystery of her aunt is explained. The last 1/3 just got a little too weird and seemed like a different story in some ways. Definitely disturbing and odd. I wish it had developed in a different way.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews