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Empathy Is Not A Weakness: And Other Stories from The Edge
What makes a great leader? Often, it's our worst leaders and toxic leadership behaviors that teach us the most about creating better leadership experiences for others. In this enlightening book, Loren Sanders reveals the seven key practices essential for gaining empathy and motivating others. Companies in which people feel seen, heard, and supported tend to be far more successful than those whose employees are disengaged and constantly under stress.
With honesty and humility, Sanders describes how she came to recognize her own shortcomings as a leader and face hard truths head-on. She takes us on her journey of self-awareness, sharing vital lessons about listening, gaining perspective, and building trust. With real stories of real people who overcame tough situations at work, Sanders shows how leaders can provide positive and meaningful feedback. Each chapter ends with key takeaways that you can try today to enhance your leadership skills and transform your company's culture, whether you're a seasoned leader or new to a management role.
Accomplishing business goals and caring for people are not mutually exclusive. Empathy is one of the best leadership skills and emotional intelligence traits, and great leaders are willing to share their emotions and feelings with others, and allow them to share theirs. When you're a champion for your team, raise them up, believe them, and believe in them, you empower them to perform their best.
With honesty and humility, Sanders describes how she came to recognize her own shortcomings as a leader and face hard truths head-on. She takes us on her journey of self-awareness, sharing vital lessons about listening, gaining perspective, and building trust. With real stories of real people who overcame tough situations at work, Sanders shows how leaders can provide positive and meaningful feedback. Each chapter ends with key takeaways that you can try today to enhance your leadership skills and transform your company's culture, whether you're a seasoned leader or new to a management role.
Accomplishing business goals and caring for people are not mutually exclusive. Empathy is one of the best leadership skills and emotional intelligence traits, and great leaders are willing to share their emotions and feelings with others, and allow them to share theirs. When you're a champion for your team, raise them up, believe them, and believe in them, you empower them to perform their best.
137 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 29, 2022
4 people are currently reading
3 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
August 9, 2023
Empathetic behavior CAN BE LEARNED. I think that the biggest challenge for many people is whether they care enough about other people to do so. Let's face it - we live in a selfish, narcissistic culture that places an inordinate amount of value on personal preference and the importance of the individual. We value team players when they are millionaires playing children's games for billionaires. In nearly most other cases -- we look at empathetic individuals who communicate with kindness and diplomacy as weaklings (for example - former President Jimmy Carter vs Donald Trump).
An open mind and willingness to develop self awareness is key to being able to take someone else's perspective. Author Loren Sanders shares a lot of personal stories about how she behaved -- and grew as a result of people daring to ask her some hard questions and share feedback with her tactfully.
Self-awareness and empathy, like love and friendship, are lifelong habits that we work on. You don't just get a gold star and tick off an item on the list "OK, time to move on to the next item."
Empathy helps us make better decisions, and:
"Perspective taking is a superpower that enables us to connect with other people on a level that improves individual and team performance, creates trust, and allows psychological safety to grow." As we all know - teams with high psychological safety are better performers, have higher levels of trust and stick around longer.
Sanders provides some pointers for how to build a practice to become more empathetic:
1. Examining blind spots (including cognitive biases)
2. Managing mindfulness
3. Practicing perspective
4. Activating self-awareness
5. Trying tactfulness
6. Honest communication and listening
7. Yes And (as a way of continuing rather than ending conversations)
“Our life is always moving in the direction of our strongest thoughts. Most of life’s battles are won or lost in the mind.”
Neuroplasticity means that we can reshape our brains. Your brain will believe whatever you tell it - if you keep telling yourself that you can't do something, chances are - you can't/won't.
Building conscious habits to facilitate self-awareness, build skills that build relationships, and help keep your mind open to consider "that your way is not always the best way" are critical to becoming a better leader (and person).
"Leaders under stress are often less effective and can harm people, even when it is not their intent, and learning to manage mindfulness is one of the best ways to combat stress."
Learn some techniques to help reduce stress so you can maintain an open mind and better connect with people around you:
"Check your mood before every meeting. If you are feeling stress, anxiety, or bitterness, do a deep breathing exercise and think about something you appreciate about one of the attendees."
"If you have time before the meeting, try a five-minute deep breathing exercise."
I really enjoyed the case study of "Janessa" who was a high performer and dedicated employee - if things weren't going well, she'd put in lots of late nights and just roll up her sleeves and get it done. Her manager left and the new manager observed her for a few months and gave her some feedback about her management style.
Her manager said "You are setting your team up for failure when you do their work instead of coaching them on how to do it themselves and championing for their success."
Janessa was furious, she quit, she filed for unemployment citing a "toxic" environment (and was denied). She ended up in therapy where apparently she had a good therapist because she realized that seeing herself as a victim and fear of failure were really the problem, not "bad bosses" -- "rather than examining her own thoughts and feelings, she blamed other people for how she felt."
We're all susceptible to overestimating our talents and effectiveness, and over reacting to the failures of others -- it's a cognitive bias to see those as character traits (ie, my success is because I'm awesome, but failures are bad luck, while your successes are luck and failures are your bad character).
There's a lengthy section on communicating tactfully which will be bookmarked and reread quarterly in my office -- some of the tips offered include:
- Good leaders wait to talk and listen intentionally.
- Planning ahead prevents chaos.
- Lead by example, not by emotion.
- We do not become successful until we can both give and receive feedback with tact and diplomacy.
- If people do not feel safe, honest communication and listening cannot happen.
Empathic Listening is described as follows:
1. Venting/Listening - allow the other person to share, uninterrupted, in an environment of safety and trust.
2. Communicate / validate what they said in an active listening way - "It sounds like..." and ask clarifying questions without judgment or offering solutions.
This is similar to the guidance shared in team coaching sessions, and even in many leadership books.
Sanders offers exercises at the end of many chapters along with space for jotting down your own notes (a great reason to buy the paper version of this book).
This is a thoughtfully written book with a lot of practical advice and exercises. Break into some new, good habits for empathy, self-awareness and connection with Loren Sanders.
An open mind and willingness to develop self awareness is key to being able to take someone else's perspective. Author Loren Sanders shares a lot of personal stories about how she behaved -- and grew as a result of people daring to ask her some hard questions and share feedback with her tactfully.
Self-awareness and empathy, like love and friendship, are lifelong habits that we work on. You don't just get a gold star and tick off an item on the list "OK, time to move on to the next item."
Empathy helps us make better decisions, and:
"Perspective taking is a superpower that enables us to connect with other people on a level that improves individual and team performance, creates trust, and allows psychological safety to grow." As we all know - teams with high psychological safety are better performers, have higher levels of trust and stick around longer.
Sanders provides some pointers for how to build a practice to become more empathetic:
1. Examining blind spots (including cognitive biases)
2. Managing mindfulness
3. Practicing perspective
4. Activating self-awareness
5. Trying tactfulness
6. Honest communication and listening
7. Yes And (as a way of continuing rather than ending conversations)
“Our life is always moving in the direction of our strongest thoughts. Most of life’s battles are won or lost in the mind.”
Neuroplasticity means that we can reshape our brains. Your brain will believe whatever you tell it - if you keep telling yourself that you can't do something, chances are - you can't/won't.
Building conscious habits to facilitate self-awareness, build skills that build relationships, and help keep your mind open to consider "that your way is not always the best way" are critical to becoming a better leader (and person).
"Leaders under stress are often less effective and can harm people, even when it is not their intent, and learning to manage mindfulness is one of the best ways to combat stress."
Learn some techniques to help reduce stress so you can maintain an open mind and better connect with people around you:
"Check your mood before every meeting. If you are feeling stress, anxiety, or bitterness, do a deep breathing exercise and think about something you appreciate about one of the attendees."
"If you have time before the meeting, try a five-minute deep breathing exercise."
I really enjoyed the case study of "Janessa" who was a high performer and dedicated employee - if things weren't going well, she'd put in lots of late nights and just roll up her sleeves and get it done. Her manager left and the new manager observed her for a few months and gave her some feedback about her management style.
Her manager said "You are setting your team up for failure when you do their work instead of coaching them on how to do it themselves and championing for their success."
Janessa was furious, she quit, she filed for unemployment citing a "toxic" environment (and was denied). She ended up in therapy where apparently she had a good therapist because she realized that seeing herself as a victim and fear of failure were really the problem, not "bad bosses" -- "rather than examining her own thoughts and feelings, she blamed other people for how she felt."
We're all susceptible to overestimating our talents and effectiveness, and over reacting to the failures of others -- it's a cognitive bias to see those as character traits (ie, my success is because I'm awesome, but failures are bad luck, while your successes are luck and failures are your bad character).
There's a lengthy section on communicating tactfully which will be bookmarked and reread quarterly in my office -- some of the tips offered include:
- Good leaders wait to talk and listen intentionally.
- Planning ahead prevents chaos.
- Lead by example, not by emotion.
- We do not become successful until we can both give and receive feedback with tact and diplomacy.
- If people do not feel safe, honest communication and listening cannot happen.
Empathic Listening is described as follows:
1. Venting/Listening - allow the other person to share, uninterrupted, in an environment of safety and trust.
2. Communicate / validate what they said in an active listening way - "It sounds like..." and ask clarifying questions without judgment or offering solutions.
This is similar to the guidance shared in team coaching sessions, and even in many leadership books.
Sanders offers exercises at the end of many chapters along with space for jotting down your own notes (a great reason to buy the paper version of this book).
This is a thoughtfully written book with a lot of practical advice and exercises. Break into some new, good habits for empathy, self-awareness and connection with Loren Sanders.
May 8, 2023
Empathy is a journey. Empathy in leadership is an ultramarathon.
Outstanding and profound, Empathy Is Not A Weakness will trigger your emotions and intellect; it’s the antidote to toxic leadership. The concepts outlined by Loren Sanders in this book such as examining your blind spots, managing mindfulness, practicing perspective, activating self awareness, trying tactfulness and more are in my estimation complimentary to the principles embraced by the masses in Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Sanders urges quite a bit of soul searching and introspection here, yet that’s what’s required when you’re focusing on productivity and results while building a great culture. Should be required reading in your organization as the results will be transformative. Highly recommended.
Outstanding and profound, Empathy Is Not A Weakness will trigger your emotions and intellect; it’s the antidote to toxic leadership. The concepts outlined by Loren Sanders in this book such as examining your blind spots, managing mindfulness, practicing perspective, activating self awareness, trying tactfulness and more are in my estimation complimentary to the principles embraced by the masses in Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Sanders urges quite a bit of soul searching and introspection here, yet that’s what’s required when you’re focusing on productivity and results while building a great culture. Should be required reading in your organization as the results will be transformative. Highly recommended.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews