Kill Your Darlings

by L.E. Harper

“INKHEART meets INCEPTION in this allegorical masterpiece.”

Fantasy author Kyla knows dreams don't come true. Isolated and grappling with debilitating depression, she copes by writing about the realm of Solera. Fearless heroes, feisty shapeshifters, and mighty dragons come alive on her pages. She adores her characters, but she doesn’t believe in happy endings. And if she can’t have one, why should they?

Kyla’s on the verge of giving up on everything when she wakes one morning, magically trapped in her fictional world. Now she’s with her most cherished characters: the friends she's always yearned for, the family she's never known. There's even someone who might be Prince Charming (if Kyla could get her act together and manage some honest communication). She’d surrender to the halcyon fantasy, except she knows a nightmarish ending awaits. Solera is at war, and its defenders are losing against the insidious villain spawned in the depths of Kyla’s mind. He feeds on the energy of dreams, seeks the destruction of all who oppose him—and Kyla’s become his number one target.

Kyla must trade her pen for a sword and fight to change her story's ending, but this isn’t a fantasy anymore. No happily-ever-after is guaranteed. And mental illness has robbed her of everything she needs to succeed: love, fighting spirit, hope. If Kyla can’t overcome the darkness inside her, she’ll die with her darlings.

CONTENT WARNINGS:
Depictions of mental illness including depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and self-harm.

Genres: Fantasy, Dragons, LGBT, Mental Health, Magic, Ebooks, Adult

361 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 24, 2023

About the author

Sadly, I am allergic to talking about myself. But here's a review on IndieReader where someone said something nice about my book!

Reviews

[Rosh (on a medical break) · Rating 3 out of 5]

In a Nutshell: A YA Fantasy covering some really dark topics. Took me some time to get into it, but I loved the ending. Will work better for YA readers. Check out the triggers.

Story Synopsis:

Our protagonist is an author who escapes from the pain of her real life by writing a YA Fantasy series set in the imaginary realm of Solera. Her books include interesting larger-than-life characters including shapeshifters and dragons. She loves all her characters, or as she calls them – her ‘darlings’, but knows that she can even kill them if it is right for the story.
But one morning, she wakes up in Solera without knowing how or why, with her beloved darlings thinking that she is Kyla, their leader and the main protagonist of the Solera books. The real Kyla is nowhere to be found. The author has entered their story at a point just before a major war. Now she must put her writing chops to real use, trying to figure out an ending that works for everyone.
The book comes to us in the first person perspective of the author, addressed as Kyla for most of the book.

I want to begin by admitting that this is a YA Fantasy, a genre I am not a huge fan of. I picked this up primarily for the premise. Imagine an author meeting her characters! What a wonderfully bizarre idea! While I have read books about fictional characters interacting with real people (the most popular one being Jodi Picoult’s Between the Lines), none of those involved the creator of those characters. So it was interesting to see how the author interacted with people who are supposedly a figment of her imagination and yet so real in her new universe.

At the same time, it is not exactly a fantasy but more of an allegorical take on mental health. There’s a strong theme of depression and suicidal ideation, which is present throughout the book in varying levels. Our narrator’s thoughts often get too dark and her inner monologues help us see the turmoil in her mind.

The writing is quite fast-paced and the book doesn’t digress much from its agenda. What truly elevated the book from above average to good were the final few chapters. I wondered how the portal swap would be explained, but it was done marvellously. These chapters generate a bittersweet feeling, and because of the somewhat graphic scenes, become tough to read. But they are the highlight of the book and bring the whole plot together neatly.

However, the book did have all the elements I dislike about YA fiction. The characters other than the narrator are quite unidimensional. There is a lot of first person rambling. And of course, there’s the expected romance. As the author-character says in the book, a YA Fantasy must have romance!

The world-building left me with mixed feelings. While I loved the various characters of the “fictional” world of Solera, (Who doesn’t love dragons!), I found it quite difficult to visualise the place well. There is plenty of action but also plenty of talk, and the action sequences too are filled with conversations. The middle section gets especially repetitive.

I think I would have liked the book better had it begun in the author’s real world, and transitioned after a few chapters to her waking up in Solera. In the current format, the book begins with her being in Solera, and we get no glimpse of her backstory or the whats and whys of the strange swap. It was almost like a story within a story, but you get to see only the inner story. The main one is what you need to figure out when the first person narrator gives you little clues about her life on Earth.

For a debut indie work, this was a brave topic to tackle. I don’t know how I feel about the author’s confession that this is almost an autobiography. It made me quite uncomfortable, to be honest. (And also curious to know where the truth ended and the ‘fantasy’ began.)

All in all, the writing needed a little bit more finetuning, but regardless, it is a brave book that explores personal demons and the road towards redemption and healing in an unusual way. YA lovers might possibly enjoy this more as the writing style is typical to this genre.

3.25 stars.


My thanks to author L.E. Harper, Shivnath Productions, and NetGalley for the DRC of “Kill Your Darlings”. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book.

Content Warnings: Depictions of mental illness including depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. The suicide scene is pretty graphic; proceed with care.




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[Azthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book offers a hauntingly raw portrayal of the human psyche's descent into despair. The narrative mirrors the gradual unraveling of one's aspirations and emotional fortitude, akin to the gradual erosion of hope in the face of adversity. The protagonist's journey from lofty expectations to a gradual acceptance of life's setbacks is achingly relatable. The book delves into the author's sacrifice of personal well-being, severing ties with loved ones and neglecting mental health in the relentless pursuit of creative ambition.

The title's significance, "Kill your darlings," underscores the overarching theme of detachment. The protagonist grapples with relinquishing not only personal attachments but also the cherished characters within her writing, epitomizing the sacrifices made for the sake of artistry. The narrative navigates the depths of depression, laying bare the wounds and vulnerabilities that resonate deeply with readers. Each page exposes the scars that many encounter daily, resonating with the rawness of emotional turmoil.

Despite the heavy emotional toll, the book doesn't offer false optimism. Instead, it presents a poignant, bittersweet ray of hope shrouded in the uncertainty of what lies ahead. The journey from the abyss of despair towards an uncertain horizon is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.

"Kill Your Darlings" is not merely a book; it's a visceral experience that confronts the shadows of depression while subtly weaving strands of hope. It's a poignant narrative that resonates with its honesty, leaving readers to grapple with their own vulnerabilities and find solace in the shared journey toward healing.

[chaospaladin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve had the pleasure of beta reading Kill Your Darlings a few times. It’s easily one of my all-time favorite books.

The story follows Kyla, the author of a fantasy series on Earth, who awakes in her fictional world in the body of one of her characters. Kyla uses her knowledge of her world to attempt to save it, but her dream turns nightmare as she works through her quest. Though Kyla calls herself ‘a very unlikable female protagonist,’ I have to disagree. Not only is the story interesting, but the character growth experienced by Kyla is top tier.

I have been looking forever for a portal fiction book with this premise, and I’m so glad to have found it.

The book tackles some mental health topics, and I think they’re wonderfully handled but do proceed with caution if you’re sensitive to such things in stories.

[Zoe · Rating 2 out of 5]

:/ sorry - I don’t think this is well done, which is a bit awkward since in the author notes she says it’s basically her autobiography and deals quite heavily with depression/suicide.

GOOD THINGS:
I liked the ‘final battle’ scene that was happening in the ‘real’ world a lot - I thought that was really well done

I think the world has the potential to be interesting.

BAD THINGS

One of the biggest flaws this novel has is that there is sooooo much telling, not showing of the narrative. We are told by the narrator about her life outside her created world, about the culture and history of the created world, about what plot is meant to happen. And it really should have been shown instead.

As a result of this, I think, this clearly well thought out complex world in the authors mind doesn’t seem to me to have much detail, or be memorable in any way. I think the detail probably is there in the writing in parts, but it’s briefly mentioned a lot as sort of an aside to the reader to understand whatever scene they are currently in, and it just isn’t memorable. I can’t remember much about the world.

Because of the telling, there’s a lot of spoonfeeding to the reader of plot points.

“I note Valen is no longer calling me Kyla, but I’m too exhausted to register the implications of this” - good example. Let the reader do some work and work out what’s happening for themselves, we don’t need to be spoon fed.

Another issue I had is that the language used felt like the author had written something in plainer English, then used a thesaurus to run through every single word so that it was more complex. The result is some very flowery, overly complex writing that gets in the way of telling a good story.

The plot was a lot of MC saying ‘go do x’ and the other characters, despite there apparently not being a lot of trust… going and doing x with no argument. It felt like a bit of a contradiction. This may have been on purpose, and does make sense with the reality of the world? But just felt a bit weird reading.

The ‘tense’ battle scenes didn’t read any different in pacing to the rest of the book and it felt like they didn’t matter.

There’s very little detail about the outside world, which I think is done on purpose, but just feels weird as the story is told in a way that we are meant to have the ‘real’ world as background to this fantasy one, but we don’t have any of the details apart from snippets. The MC repeatedly says she is not the same person as the body she is inhabiting in the fantasy world, but we readers don’t know the MC.

Character set also felt v cliched. Gay male best friend, hot love interest, angry female warrior bestie that is mean to everyone except her friends, talking animal, sad heroic MC.

🚨kinda spoilery🚨

Some things don’t make sense. A character whispers to the MC while riding on the back of a dragon during a storm. How the heck would she hear him?? Also the MC fluctuates between ‘I created this world’ and ‘I’m connected through my soul to this parallel universe which I have simply transcribed’ many times without any logic behind which one she’s thinking about, and no explanation provided.

The MC’s grief over a lost character just takes over her and she seems so much more upset than the other people who actually knew and were close to the person and she puts it on them to comfort her? Like she just goes to pieces. And does all this ‘I suck’ manipulative stuff. It was pretty yikes to read.

🚨end of spoilery bit🚨

MC was generally unlikable.

Ultimately this feels like a book about depression in a fantasy universe backdrop, not deep lore fantasy book which it seems to be trying to be.

(Book read through NetGalley in exchange for review)

[Sorren Briarwood · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I’ll be up front from the outset here: I was dreading writing this review. It’s always an abysmal feeling writing a negative review knowing that the piece is deeply personal to the author, and especially when the piece is utterly well-intentioned, clearly hoping to be a guiding light for individuals with creative aspirations, mental health issues, and in this case, internalised ace/aphobia. My thoughts on this book are not intended to downplay these struggles and if I hadn’t agreed to review it, I would probably be holding my tongue on this one entirely. But here goes:

I was extremely intrigued by the premise of Kill Your Darlings, and especially the promise to explore mental health themes through a queer lens, but unfortunately, I found the execution to be extremely lacking. I would love to tell you what I enjoyed about Kill Your Darlings first, but it has little to recommend it. The prose is bog-standard, with overreliance on tired metaphors that, in my opinion, really cheapen the protagonist’s mental health struggles (we get that depression feels “dark,” and “hollow.”) I wasn’t fond of the protagonist’s voice: lampshading tropes is only funny when used sparingly, and coupled with swearing, it seems to be the only source of humour in her arsenal. The pacing of the narrative is all over the place, and the narrative itself is overstuffed with identical, cookie-cutter fight scenes with poorly established (or non-existent- we’ll get to that) stakes. The world of Solera feels dime-a-dozen, with very minor creative flourishes, such as reptilian elves, to try and differentiate itself: it was not believable for a second that this was a bestselling fantasy series (again: we’ll get to that). Most egregious for me were the characters, the emotional lynchpin of this book. The characters were utter ciphers with tired dialogue, who often lacked internal consistency. And that’s putting aside their dubious actual role in the narrative (I swear, we will get to that!) Whilst reading, I was merely bored by how predictable they felt, but upon reflection, I wonder if Kill Your Darlings doesn’t stray into a few unfortunate stereotype: the black gay best friend is fine on his own, but when a character has no depth beyond standing around and smiling encouragingly, he becomes less palatable.

Okay, we’re getting to it: Kill Your Darlings keeps returning to a central question: whether or not Solera is real, or just a figment of the protagonist’s imagination. It desperately wants to have it both ways, and comes up with several plausible-ish explanations about how it could exist and how the protagonist might be here. I’m 100% okay with this approach in theory, and I’d say I even prefer it: some of my favourite portal fantasy type stories leave the question of whether the adventure really took place hanging unanswered. In this case, however, I think the narrative itself simply isn’t strong enough to withstand it. Firstly, it’s introduced early enough that things sort of… Stop mattering. Character’s actions become insignificant as their consequences are thrown out the window in favour of hand-wavey wish fulfilment powers. The question of reality can be immaterial when the journey the character went on has changed them so significantly and tangibly that it no longer matters- because the change is real. Kill Your Darlings doesn’t convince me that the protagonist has changed, it just tells me she has. Perhaps its largest problem is that overreliance on “tell not show.” We’re told that the protagonist has found the will to fight her darkness, but there’s not really a meaningful difference between how she acts at the start of this narrative and the end. She just has a tendency to list pleasantries about Earth towards the end- hot chocolate and movie nights with her friends. At best, it’s shallow, at worst, it’s very NHS CAMHS rhetoric: “have a cup of tea and a bath and you’ll feel better.”

(I’ll briefly note here under a spoiler tag: I hated the twist that the protagonist was not a bestselling author, but an unpublished nobody working retail. Not because I think that there’s anything wrong with that, or because I believed for a second that Solera felt like best-selling fantasy novel material (it doesn’t) but because it’s totally unnecessary. It would have been genuinely interesting to have a highly successful novelist still struggling with depression: unfortunately, depression doesn’t really give a fuck about whether you’re personally successful or not. It was also an interesting source of tension between the protagonist and her editors that her depression was affecting her work and had led her to make cynical choices and end her series in a grimdark murderfest which was going to tank her reputation- and that source of tension totally evaporated the minute this was revealed to be false. Why did the protagonist even believe this in the first place? This twist takes away more than it adds.)

Speaking of how the protagonist acts, because we know right away that Solera might not be “real,” it encourages the reader to be especially circumspect of the characters: how they act is one of our biggest clues here. And the characters simply don’t respond realistically to the protagonist’s presence in their life, and their professed outlooks don’t align with their actions. They profess a distrust of her, but go along with all of her ideas. They have very little time to bond with her, but they’re proclaiming themselves lifelong friends at the end of just a few days. You could excuse all of this with a simple “Well, they’re not real,”- but then why should the reader care about any of the goings-on of Solera, or any of the relationships in this book? It’s important to remember that from the Soleran characters’ perspective, the protagonist is a parasite infesting the body of one of their dearest friends, who just so happened to be the key to winning the years-long military campaign they’re waging against the BBEG. I’ve got to take a moment here to mention her love interest- the tension between them is extremely bizarre, and I personally found it really uncomfortable. Firstly, the protagonist writes YA fiction: this character is, if I’m remembering correctly, early 20s at the oldest, and the protagonist is both ten years older and also, arguably, kind of his mother, because she made him up? The protagonist even makes an Invasion of the Body Snatchers joke with regard to their relationship, yet within a few days, Mr. Right is proclaiming that she is not like other girls, because she can chat science with him. I have not personally had the experience of the love of my life being replaced by an alien consciousness inhabiting their body, but I think it would take me more than a few days to fall in love with them- much less look at them without feeling a mountain of grief and cosmic horror. At the start of the narrative, there is a question about where the character the protagonist usurped, Kyla, has gone, and whether she is okay and can be recovered. Kyla is entirely forgotten by everyone by the end of the narrative. Perhaps because the author wants us to have decided that Solera truly isn’t real by that point? The characters are really just props for the protagonist to learn about the magic of friendship here, but by their very nature as props, they undermine their own purpose. They have to be real people to impart the need for real human connection, and they’re not real people. It’s a catch-22.

I hate that I hated this book. Whilst I’m very fortunate to be healthier now, I spent a very, very long time struggling with treatment-resistant depression. I was fully expecting to connect to this character, but I really couldn’t whatsoever. I’ll also mention under a spoiler that while there is a content warning at the beginning of this book, there is an extremely detailed and graphic scene of a suicide attempt that I don’t personally feel was necessary- especially details regarding how the protagonist sourced objects used in the attempt. I actually think this is potentially dangerous information to include and I don’t see what would be lost by scrapping at the very least that line.

I’m giving this two stars because I really respect what it’s trying to do, even if I feel like it failed. If you want a book with a similar focus on mental health, exploring the premise of a fantasy world and the argument of escapism vs. bleak reality through a queer lens, I would beg you to read Peter Darling by Austin Chant, which, whilst not a perfect read, is in my opinion a much stronger and more careful exploration of these themes.

[Ahmad Addam · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want dragons! Read this BOOK!
If you want authors meeting their characters? READ this BOOK!
If you want to live a unique adventure & enjoy creatures breathing life. READ THIS BOOK!

I’ve read this book a year ago as a CP, and I enjoyed reading it on every single page! Highly recommended!! 🔥🔥🔥

[Kara Babcock · Rating 3 out of 5]

Time and again, I keep saying it: give me the stories about stories, the metafiction, all of it. Kill Your Darlings by L.E. Harper is another spin on this idea. Along with a heavy (in many senses of the word) focus on mental health, this is a story about figuring out who you want to be when everyone is telling you who they think you are. This is a debut novel, and the rough edges that often come with that show. Aside from that, I enjoyed the story and the attempts that Harper makes to go deep on sensitive issues. I received an eARC from NetGalley in exchange for my review.

An author living in New York City wakes up to find herself inhabiting the body of Kyla Starblade, the protagonist of her fantasy series set in another world. “Kyla” quickly explains to the other characters in this book what’s up, but it’s immaterial—the Shadow War that they have been fighting for the past four books will stop for no one, and it’s up to her to vanquish the dark lord and save the day. There’s just one problem: in the original ending to this story, as written by this author, all of these principal characters die. Can she change what she has written, and in so doing, find her way back home?

An author finding themselves transported into their world isn’t the most original premise, but it has been a while since I’ve seen precisely this sort of twist on it. Additionally, Harper leaves the nature of this transposition ultimately unresolved: it could be a “quantum magical” entanglement, or it could be the narrator simply hallucinating everything. Did she create this world, or did she merely perceive its events from Earth, an interdimensional clairvoyant? The ultimate answer is irrelevant because it’s the journey that is important.

This is a story that is clearly, unapologetically about mental health and in particular about depression and suicide ideation—there are trigger warnings up front, and I have to say, they are justified. The book contains graphic descriptions of a mechanism of suicide, so practise self-care when deciding whether to read this book.

This layer to the story is both thematically and narratively important. The narrator is unreliable—there are a few twists near the end that, when revealed, subtly shift the reader’s interpretation of the situation. She lies to us but also to herself. Indeed, in her role as the hero of this world, the narrator feels the pressure to win against the dark lord, who is constantly telling her that she isn’t good enough. This is all too similar to what the narrator’s own brain has told her repeatedly over the years, resulting in her withdrawing from community with the people who care about her.

We don’t get to know the narrator’s world nearly as well as we do the fantasy one. There are a few stolen glimpses, but beyond that it is entirely what the narrator divulges through exposition—mainly how some of her book’s characters are modelled after her close friends, people she has since pushed away or ignored. At first, when the book opened with the narrator already in Kyla’s body in her fantasy world, I wished that we had flashbacks to the narrator’s life in NYC. Then again, I think I understand what Harper was going for here: depression is of the mind. Although circumstances can exacerbate it, the narrator isn’t depressed because of what she has experienced in her life—she’s depressed because her brain chemistry is out of whack. So it does make sense, thematically, for Kill Your Darlings to take place entirely in the narrator’s head (whether or not it is also taking place in another reality), separate from her own external world. There’s an appealing subjectivity to this storytelling.

Similarly, I appreciate that Harper doesn’t spend chapters upon chapters of the narrator trying to dupe everyone into thinking she is Kyla. She basically comes right out and says it right away, and the book’s pacing is much better for it. As it is, I think there were moments of uneven pacing—in particular, the middle was a bit of a slog. The story is very much about the narrator overcoming her self-doubt and other inner demons. As a result, the cornucopia of external threats often took a back seat in terms of the actual threat they seemed to pose to the characters. This is the trouble when you posit that a group of people might or might not be “real” in fiction—you have to be really careful to somehow maintain the stakes and our desire to sympathize with those characters. Do I care about the Kyla as much as the narrator? Is Kyla’s survival as important as the narrator’s here? These kinds of metaphysical considerations are fun but can also distract a reader from the mental-health themes at the core of the book.

Finally, I of course have to comment positively on the portrayal of a queernorm world (which is pretty subtle) and the narrator as an asexual character. The latter part is important given that Kyla is not asexual—Kyla has a very lusty love interest indeed, and some of the conflict comes from the narrator feeling romantically drawn to this character despite feeling no sexual attraction. I really liked how Harper is careful to establish that the narrator’s asexuality is not part of her being “broken,” despite what her brain might tell her. Her asexuality is wrapped up in her loneliness and isolation, which I think is an appropriate commentary on how the discrimination and erasure that ace people face in our society can converge with mental illness. This is just one more way, in other words, that the narrator feels isolated, even though her asexuality is in and of itself a valid experience.

All in all, Kill Your Darlings has its engrossing and interesting moments. Harper definitely made me want to keep reading and find out what happens next, both to the narrator and this fantasy world that she has created. I also like its very overt commentary on mental illness. While the writing itself—particularly the pacing and the challenges of pathos given the story—could be improved, it’s still a thoughtful and worthy story.

Originally posted on Kara.Reviews, where you can easily browse all my reviews and subscribe to my newsletter.

[Suzanne Planque · Rating 5 out of 5]

A BIG, BRAVE, BEAUTIFUL BOOK

I heard a lot of buzz about Kill Your Darlings on social over the last year, so I was thrilled to receive an ARC.

What a premise: a depressed author winds up in the fantasy world they created, with the knowledge of a potential apocalypse to come. I was hooked!

To begin, let me say this was a cracking fantasy adventure that takes the reader on a fairly profound journey. I'll try to stay spoiler-free on the big stuff, but be warned I will discuss some plot points.

Kill Your Darlings worked on so many levels. The characters are three-dimensional, the world is beautifully imagined. The author draws on their wide knowledge of fantasy books and winks at the current world of publishing with wry, witty humor.

LE Harper is obviously not only an author of fantasy books but a devoted reader. Kill Your Darlings is stuffed with great fantasy ingredients like swords, magic, and dragons--and it is also so very much more.

Kill Your Darlings is not only a great new addition to the wide world of fantasy books, it is also a significant and timely story about depression. Mental health has been in a state of crisis in the US, and the stresses of recent years have only exacerbated already overwhelming problems.

Kill Your Darlings is not preachy or "heavy", but the heroine's struggle with depression is very real. Discovering that she is suddenly in a fantasy world of her own imagination is exciting and magical, but there is also a very real sense that she has escaped something terrible in the life she has temporarily left behind.

The first-person voice is deeply personal, while remaining relevant to readers from diverse backgrounds. At times, the story can be painful to read, but it also shines with humor and with hope.

The story offers those struggling with mental health issues a sense that they are not alone, that their experience is real. Depression can make one feel invisible, but this story offers both recognition and a belief that things can change. Fantasy becomes metaphor, writ large in this story. Depression is a truly epic battle, but it can be fought, and it does get better. This storyline is unflinching, but it holds true hope.

I would remind readers of the trigger warnings for this book. I would also say this is a book that could truly help change, maybe even save lives.

Kill Your Darlings is a great read, chock-full of immersive adventure that draws the reader into a richly fantastic world. I write and read huge amounts of fantasy, and it is rare to find a book like this that continued to surprise me and keep me guessing.

LE Harper is definitely skilled with structure. If you find yourself questioning as you read, hang in there. All will be revealed, eventually.

The cast is diverse, lovely LGBTQ+ representation, and the found family trope is used to heartwarming effect. I also was quite touched by the exploration of traditional fantasy romance tropes from different points of view. (Can't say any more without getting into spoiler territory.)

Oh, and did I mention the dragons? If you love dragons, this is one for you!

If you love fantasy books, do yourself a favor, give this one a try. I think you'll love it.

Thanks, L E Harper, for a truly delightful fantasy. Not only did I tear through it in a day, but I'm still thinking about it days later.

[Booksblabbering || Cait❣️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️ 3.75

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with an arc in exchange for an honest review.

Kyla's on the verge of giving up on everything when she wakes one morning in a different body, trapped in the fictional world she’s written. Now she's with her most cherished characters: the friends she's always yearned for, the family she's never known. Yet the world she created, Solera, is at war, and she’s on the losing side. She should know: she wrote the book.

I was desperate for magic to come to me, like it does in the stories, but it never did. I used to sit in front of my parents' microwave as a child, hoping the radiation would turn me into a mutant, to no avail.
Huh. Come to think of it, that probably explains a lot of what's wrong with me.

People in the real world, the mundane and tragic world, say authors have a God Complex. I wouldn't disagree.

This was such a fun concept. Many of us as readers and writers have undoubtedly dreamt of travelling to another world with our favourite characters. Or as children, imagined we were the chosen one, the special one who would discover they had magic, or were secretly a princess or prince or knight being hidden away.
I felt Harper’s joy in these characters, in this world. It echoed my own deeply held feelings. It felt intimate, piercing, and revealing.

The way she wielded depression against the life of a magical world, one where suffering is caused by greater things - actual demons - yet comparing them to our own problems, our own inner demons was clever and powerful.
I don’t want to go into too much detail, but this is a powerful standalone fantasy where you at once transported into a faraway magical place and, simultaneously, into your innermost turbulent sense of self and trauma.

This was an extremely personal and brave undertaking for the author and I can only imagine the amount of pain and suffering she overcame to write this. So thank you.
(Please check the trigger warnings which are also included at the start of the book)

[Merranda · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first thing that you will read in this book is an extremely personal and bravely vulnerable message from the author explaining why she wrote this book and that it is based on herself. Please please read that message and the trigger warnings and make sure you are in a place to read the story - it is story of redemption and hope but is written from the perspective of someone battling depression and does contain graphic content.

"You don't win this war, you simply fight it... Some days you lose - that is the nature of war. That is the nature of darkness"

This was very conflicting for me, the narrative is written in a way where one minute you are happily reading along, invested in this fantasy world, and the next your heart is in a vice as you visit the darkness residing inside of the MC. This isn't my normal type of book, I was under the impression that it was just a "body snatchers" type fantasy plot. It's more of an expose on depression, mental health, and suicidal ideation - the fantasy (to me anyway) read as more of a subplot. It was hard to read. Especially with the knowledge that someone real went through this, experienced these thoughts.

Sooo, if you're looking for a cut and dry fantasy, this is not that. The fantasy element parallel seemed like more of a tool to tell the story. The world is described plenty, but not really fleshed out. The side characters are a little one-dimensional, you're basically thrown into a story line on the 5th and final book so there's a lot of stuff missing. But I don't think that was really the point of the book. This is heavy and bitterly honest and beautiful in it's conclusion. While it wasn't at all what I was expecting, I give credit where it is due and this was a very powerful and emotional story. I won't forget about it for a long time. And my heart still hurts.

***Thank you to Netgalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review***

[Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kill Your Darlings starts off as a fun YA fantasy read, where our author finds herself in the magical world she created, with her found-family, and the evil Zalor to be defeated. As the story continues, it becomes more and more personal, we find that the big bad our heroes need to fight is the sum of our authors personal demons, her struggles with depression, self-worth and her ace identity.
This book felt like I was viewing the healing journey of someone coming back from the deepest despairs, and reminding herself that while reality doesn't bring a happily ever after, there is hope for a happy now.
With the deeply graphic nature of a few later scenes toward the end of this story, I wouldn't be recommending this to anyone under 18, but it was an interesting read, and gave a deeper perspective to the realities of depression.
Though it's difficult to give a rating to something that felt so personal, overall I'd have to say 4, rounded up from 3.75.

Thankyou to Netgalley and the publisher for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Ian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Final Rating: 8.5/10

I will post a full length review closer to publication day. Below you can read a brief overview of my initial thoughts after I read the book.

OVERVIEW
Summarising the plot and saying that this is what the book is about would only be accurate on a surface level. In truth, Kill Your Darlings is not really about a fantasy author who inexplicably wakes up in the fictional world of her book series in place of the heroine, and subsequently has to alter the original ending to the story which will see all the heroes killed off. Of course, readers who don’t wish to scratch beneath the surface may still enjoy the story based on this premise alone, but doing so won’t have the same emotional impact.

In my view, Kill Your Darlings is an act of catharsis. The tale of a writer bearing her soul via her fictional protagonist, to unburden herself of the many soul destroying psychological issues that have become a dark cloud hanging over her, exerting a negative influence on her journey through life. Approaching the book with this understanding reveals a hero’s journey intended to provide the catalyst for overcoming the negative thoughts and harmful behaviours that make some people want to give up on life. In that capacity, Kill Your Darlings is the promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel if you are prepared to confront your demons.

I imagine it must have been difficult for the author to draw upon such personal experiences in order to write this book, yet I’m sure the endeavour was worthwhile. There are so many insightful passages illuminating truths about various debilitating mental health issues that I found uncannily relatable. In fact, I often forgot that I was reading a fantasy story. And despite the depressing subject matter, the narrative never wallows in self-pity. Instead, the darker moments are frequently punctuated by witty humour. The ending to the story, in particular, I found to be very rewarding, which prompted me to bump up my rating to 5 stars.


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[Avalon Roselin · Rating 5 out of 5]

See my full review here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9Nif...

It’s pretty common for authors–fantasy authors, in particular–to fall in love with the stories that we create, at least a little bit. The editing process would be literally impossible as opposed to nigh impossible otherwise. And, sometimes, that love runs so deep that you can’t help but dream of somehow, someway, being transported into the world you’ve created. Only to remember that every single problem facing every single person in that world is your fault.

That is the exact dilemma faced by the protagonist of Kill Your Darlings by L.E. Harper, when she awakens to find herself inhabiting the body of the lead in her YA fantasy series. At first, she thinks it’s a dream come true–a chance to interact with her beloved characters and even meet the dragons that she loves so much in-person. But YA fantasy lead Kyla Starblade is the Chosen One fated to defeat the evil Zalor and end the Shadow War using her mysterious magic…magic that our protagonist cannot access. Still, she does bring one advantage to the quest: a near-omniscient knowledge of the world, its workings, and the tragedy that is about to befall the characters.

The protagonist, when placed in this position, uses both her genre-savviness and her knowledge of the story itself to try to put things right. After all, she knows how these characters die–she wrote it–so she can use that knowledge to prevent it and rewrite their ending. She reasons that doing this is the way to get back home to Earth.

This book does come with a major content warning for depression, anxiety, and generally poor mental health, all of which are discussed in great detail through the author’s internal monologue. And while I am deeply enamored with this story and its complexities, these are also the things that make this book hard to review–both because of the semi-autobiographical nature of it as revealed in the foreword, and because of how close to home it hits for me.

If this is a book that you think you would enjoy I definitely recommend checking it out. Frankly, I loved it, but some of that love comes from how it emotionally wrecked me. I really have never felt so seen, or so called out, by a piece of fiction before. I related to the MC a little too much at times–and if you’re an author, especially if you’re neurodivergent or queer, you probably will too.

[Djilan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished this book on Sunday evening and I'm still between giving it 4 or 5 stars, so I'll keep it at 4,5 ;)

Let's start with the fact that I'm not really familiar with depression or self-hate, but reading this story, it still felt recognizable on several occasions. Because who always thinks the best about themselves? Who never has doubts about themselves, their choices, or doesn't have insecurities?

As the author tells us at the beginning and the end, it's her story. And knowing that, I think it read differently than when it would have been a full fantasy story. It still was a fantasy story, a dark one, but still also not so much. And it made me sad, knowing there are many out there who have to fight with their darkness.

The story about Kyla, the author, shifting places with the main character, Kyla, in the book she is writing, was compelling. I loved reading it and my heartstrings were pulled more than once. It was gripping and I loved all the characters. Who were all connected to their creator. Parts from her and her friends. I think the fact that they all were a part of her, the author, also made them a bit one-dimensional. Put together they made a complex person.

A quest to defeat the darkness, that what's it is all about. In the story, but also in real life.
Dreams, reality, it all shifted and mixed. And was luckily brought to a hopeful ending. I hope that is not considered a spoiler, as it still doesn't tell that much ;) And it does get quite dark before that. So I understand the warnings completely.

If I have to mention one thing that maybe bothered me a bit (at first), it was that a few of the names reminded me of the characters in another book. Not the same, but alike. But did it make this story less good, no it didn't.

It was hard for me to decide if this book would be helpful or triggering if you suffer the same, or similar, illness. But I'm leaning towards helpful.

Thank you Shivnath Productions and Netgalley for the ARC!

[Chelsea Balparda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dnf at 30 something percent. I tried to get into this and the idea behind it was interesting but it just wasn't for me. I didn't like the fmc. I didn't like how the story started and just immediately got I to this. For my fantasy books especially, I prefer a build up and to see the wolrd being built. This just fell flat for me but I gave it a try.

The k you to netgalley and the publisher for a chance to read this inexchange for an honest review.

[jlreadstoperpetuity · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5
[Blurb @goodreads]
Fantasy author Kyla knows dreams don't come true. Isolated and grappling with debilitating depression, she copes by writing about the realm of Solera. Fearless heroes, feisty shapeshifters, and mighty dragons come alive on her pages. She adores her characters, but she doesn’t believe in happy endings. And if she can’t have one, why should they?

🤯 My reaction for the most part of the book. In less than 400 pages, I was catapulted into a world that some readers can dream of. For one, my fantasy heart and imagination has been on constant overdrive because the plot was so full of energy and descriptives. And oh, it's a fantasy book from beginning to end - you want Magic? War? Character conflicts? Fantasy creatures bonanza? This book has it all.

It's not everyday that you read an embedded narrative / story within a story - basically, FMC is a fantasy author who woke up one day assuming the life of the main character of the book she was writing 🫠 But get this, it's not the only twist. The author intricately designed the character and the story to portray taboo society topics like depression. And i don't mean the sad sad depression - the darkness that seeps behind this illness and what it does to a human psyche and environment.

If that doesn't convince you to read this book, fantasy x science fiction also coalesced all throughout. It's simply a super cool concept. Knocking off half a star because I really wanted to know what happened to the soul of the fiction FMC when the switch happened but oh well, still extremely satisfied with how this started and how it ended

[Kerwin Jn · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first started reading the story I expected it to unfurl in a slightly different manner but I was very pleased with the journey it took me on. Although its plot necessitates it that we meet the characters almost fully formed and near the end of their journey, there was no dismissal of the reader as we were given some backstory and shading of each of the characters.
The story is largely told through the eyes of the narrator who beautifully unfolds the story in a way where we can experience it all so fully and enjoy it. I was not usually a fan of fantasy, well consider me a lapsed fan but Harper and her characters brought me back. Thanks to Netgalley for providing me with an ARC for a fair and unbiased review.

[Marissa Atchison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book kept me on the edge of my seat! I never knew what was going to happen next, and it helped me to keep my depression in check! Please please please check the forward of this book before reading!!! This book touches on several dark subjects, and it’s beautifully done!!! It has been a long time since a book has touched me this hard!! I experienced all kinds of emotions, and I think that’s what the author was going for! Emotional connection to these characters brought some of my issues to light, and has made me see I need to change for the better!! So a huge Thank you to L.E. Harper for this beautiful work of art!

[Jenna Deaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

*please take the authors trigger warnings seriously !

Kill Your darlings by L. E Harper is a story about mental health dressed in the clothing of an adult portal fantasy and I love it.


The pacing , dialogue, and character development drew me into this world but it was the weight of concern for what I suspected was happening with our main character that kept me turning the pages .

[Sachi · Rating 5 out of 5]

as an author myself, this book was wonderfully meta. Kyla was a great protagonist, who at times was a bit TOO relatable, but nonetheless her struggles were raw and real and expertly depicted. Told through the lens of magic and dragons, I was hooked from the first page!

[READER VIEWS · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Kill Your Darlings” by L.E. Harper is one of the most unique books I have ever read. In this book our protagonist is both the hero and the creator. Kyla Starblade is the main character in a bestselling young adult fantasy series and is named for the author herself. Where Kyla Starblade is a strong leader who is helping save her realm from an evil dragon lord, Kyla the author, feels like she is the complete opposite. She feels hopeless, devoid of motivation, and alone. The fictional Kyla, and the world of Solera, in fact, were created as a way for human Kyla to cope with debilitating mental illness and suicidal tendencies. Now, Kyla Starblade and Kyla-the-author appear to have merged – with human Kyla’s soul now inhabiting Kyla Starblade’s body. At first a dream come true, human Kyla realizes quickly that meeting her characters face-to-face is dampened when she is suspected of being a spy, and she discovers that Kyla-the-author has devised terrible fates for all of them. Kyla will have to trade her pen for some armor and a trusty dragon to help her beloved characters change the outcome of the war she made up. If she can find the courage within herself to keep fighting, then maybe she can save them all, and Solera, with them.

“Kill Your Darlings” is both a riveting fantasy book that young adult and older readers would both enjoy, and a much-needed commentary on the debilitating effects of mental illness. Kyla’s journey inside Kyla Starblade’s world seems to be a mirror for the human author’s real and ongoing fight against her depression. Already having faced past incidents of self-harm, suicidal ideation and crippling anxiety, Kyla’s psychological foes come to life in the form of the enemies and struggles she faces in Solera. When faced with the knowledge that her characters do not trust her while in Kyla Starblade’s body, she throws all caution to the wind and devises a new plan to save her new friends and prove that she is worthy of their trust. When faced with mortal danger, she buckles down and promises herself that she will do whatever it takes to help them defeat the evil dragon lord and stay alive.

“Kill Your Darlings” contains an important theme regarding control. In the beginning, human Kyla anticipates being able to snap herself out of what she believes is a lucid dream, until she realizes that she is very much in Solera and no amount of mental pinching, cajoling, or even magic will zap her back to her body until she fulfills some mysterious purpose. Then, she discovers that though she knows everything about this world, and should know the entire script of the war, things are happening that are not how she wrote them. Her anticipation is hindered by scenes not unfolding in the same way as they do in human Kyla’s books, and this loss of control results in potential mortal peril should she not be able to pose convincingly as Kyla Starblade and find a way to save Solera as well as a way back to Earth (despite how much she would rather never, ever return to Earth).

Control is a precarious balance when you have mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression. In “Kill Your Darlings” this loss of control is literally re-imagined as an actual life-or-death magical battle against an evil force. The trick is that the true evil force is actually one’s own mind.

As someone who used to struggle a lot with depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, self-harm and suicidal ideation in my teen and young adult years, I really wish this book had been an option for me to pluck off my bookshelf. Reading a book like “Kill Your Darlings” even years later, while in a better place than I have ever been, is a gentle, healthy reminder that I will often find myself in situations where I feel like I have no control. I will have days when I do not want to get out of bed. I will have days when I wonder if perhaps all my efforts will really amount to anything. However, having reminders like this in literature I read can be the best kind of medicine, when we are shown that even the strongest, most seemingly fearless heroes and heroines lose control too.

“Kill Your Darlings” will resonate powerfully with anyone going through similar struggles within their own minds.

[Kaley ❄️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley/the Publisher and Author for letting me review this!

I really don't know how to rate this book...Mainly because for me the triggers that this book has were a little too dark but overall the book itself was amazing. It hit so many different topics and had a lot of great messages throughout that were intertwined within the story. The characters were so in-depth and made sense. This is also a story that you can see is heavily apart of the author, taking from their life experiences and showing you how they recovered and/or persevered through difficult times.

The trigger warnings should be taken seriously prior to reading, it does hit really dark themes and areas of mental health that, while are being talked about in a way to show how to overcome them, could trigger a person in a wrong way.

I think a 4 is the best rating I can give but a lot of people have given this is a 5 star. My enjoyment level was around a 3 only because I have not been in the best mental state recently but I wanted to make sure I reviewed this book and gave feedback since I did ask for this through Netgalley. The actual story was around a 4 star only because at a few points I got lost on where it was heading but those are few and far between. The characters, plot line and themes were amazing and thorough. I think this would be a great book for older high schoolers that are struggling through these issues and/or twenty year-olds.

The author clearly knew what they was trying to showcase throughout the book and drew a lot from their personal experience. I think they succeeded and I cannot wait to read other books from them.

I would recommend this to people that have struggled with mental health, are struggling with mental health, and older teens to twenty year-olds .

[Read With Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐⭐⭐⭐☆

Some books entertain you.

Some books stay with you.

And then there are books that quietly remind you that hope still exists.

Kill Your Darlings was that kind of book for me.

At first, I expected an epic fantasy filled with dragons, magic, and adventure.

I got all of that.

But underneath the fantasy lies something much more personal: a story about depression, self-worth, healing, and learning that your darkness does not define who you are.

That message resonated with me far more than I expected.

And then there was Cendrion.

I don't think I've ever fallen in love with a dragon as much as I did with him.

Some fictional characters are simply memorable.

Others become a reminder of the kind of person you hope to be.

Cendrion belongs in that second category.

His kindness, his wisdom, his unwavering compassion... every scene with him felt special.

His words stayed with me long after I finished the book.

"You are more than your darkness."

I think that's one of the most beautiful messages I've read this year.

The worldbuilding is immersive, the dragons are fascinating, and I loved discovering Solera alongside the protagonist. The story balances action, emotion, and mystery very well, while also exploring mental health with honesty and empathy.

The only reason this wasn't a full five stars for me is that there were moments where the pacing slowed down enough to pull me out of the story.

Even so, the emotional impact more than made up for it.

⚠️ Mild spoilers below ⚠️

One of my favorite aspects of the novel was realizing that the fantasy world wasn't simply an escape.

It became part of the healing process.

Watching the protagonist confront her own darkness while the characters she created reminded her that she was worthy of love was incredibly moving.

And Cendrion...

Every conversation with him felt like a reminder that hope can exist even after unimaginable pain.

By the end of the book, I realized he wasn't just my favorite character.

He had become one of my favorite dragons in fantasy.

This book made me think.

It made me feel.

Most importantly, it reminded me that even when the darkness feels overwhelming, it doesn't get to decide who we are.

Some stories end when you close the book.

This one quietly stays with you.

⭐⭐⭐⭐☆

Hay libros que entretienen.

Hay libros que permanecen contigo.

Y luego están aquellos que, en silencio, te recuerdan que todavía existe la esperanza.

Kill Your Darlings fue uno de esos libros para mí.

Al comenzar la historia esperaba encontrar una fantasía épica con dragones, magia y aventuras.

Y sí, encontré todo eso.

Pero debajo de esa fantasía descubrí algo mucho más profundo: una historia sobre la depresión, el valor personal, el proceso de sanar y la importancia de recordar que nuestra oscuridad no nos define.

Ese mensaje conectó conmigo mucho más de lo que esperaba.

Y después está Cendrion.

No creo haber querido tanto a un dragón como lo quise a él.

Hay personajes que simplemente recuerdas.

Y luego están aquellos que te recuerdan la clase de persona que quieres llegar a ser.

Cendrion pertenece a esa segunda categoría.

Su bondad, su sabiduría y su forma de ver el mundo hicieron que cada escena en la que aparecía se sintiera especial.

Hubo una frase que permaneció conmigo mucho después de terminar el libro.

"Una vez me dijiste que yo era mucho más que mi oscuridad. Y eso también es cierto para todos los demás. Especialmente para ti. Mientras recuerdes quién eres, aquello que amas y aquello por lo que luchas, la oscuridad no puede vencer."

Creo que es uno de los mensajes más bonitos que he leído este año.

El mundo está muy bien construido, los dragones son fascinantes y fue un placer descubrir Solera junto a la protagonista. La historia consigue equilibrar acción, emoción y misterio mientras aborda la salud mental con mucha sensibilidad.

La única razón por la que no fue un cinco estrellas para mí es que hubo algunos momentos donde el ritmo bajó lo suficiente como para sacarme un poco de la historia.

Aun así, el impacto emocional compensó completamente esos pequeños detalles.

⚠️ Spoilers a partir de aquí ⚠️

Una de las cosas que más me gustó fue darme cuenta de que el mundo fantástico nunca fue solo un lugar al que escapar.

También era parte del proceso de sanar.

Ver cómo la protagonista enfrentaba su propia oscuridad mientras los personajes que ella misma había creado le recordaban que seguía siendo digna de ser querida fue profundamente emotivo.

Y Cendrion...

Cada conversación con él se sentía como un abrazo.

Como un recordatorio de que incluso después del dolor más profundo todavía puede existir esperanza.

Cuando terminé el libro me di cuenta de que ya no era solo mi personaje favorito de la historia.

Se había convertido en uno de mis dragones favoritos de toda la fantasía.

Este libro me hizo reflexionar.

Me hizo sentir.

Y, sobre todo, me recordó que incluso cuando la oscuridad parece demasiado grande, no es ella quien decide quiénes somos.

Hay historias que terminan cuando cierras el libro.

Esta se quedó conmigo mucho después de la última página.

[Emilie in the Ether · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Shivnath Productions for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

The blurb intrigued me, the cover is beautiful. I thought that this book would be an easy and fun read. I turned out it was not because I really struggled to finish it.

Kill Your Darlings is about an author suffering from depression and who finds herself in the book she wrote, in the body of the main character, Kyla but without her powers.
I liked how the depression was portrayed but the rest felt flat. I didn’t connect with the story.
The idea of an author being in the book they wrote is nice, but it’s better if the book is actually good and not a basic fantasy story.

[Lilla Glass · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a lovely surprise!

I'm not typically fond of incredibly deep P.O.V ., especially in 1st person present, but the character and world were distinct enough that it really fit the story. The author is skilled at providing unique sensory details, which added a visceral quality to the atmosphere. In a way, it really did feel like a lucid dream, though I won't explain further for fear of spoiling the plot! All in all, I found this tale sincere and inventive, despite its delving into sensitive subject matters, and I would recommend it to any friends seeking an immersive YA novel.

[Trish Skywalker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought going into this book, I know exactly what it’s about. An author creates a magical fantasy world, and she wakes up transported there. There’ll be dragons and dark forces and friends and a love interest, and she’ll fight alongside her characters and save the day.
So yes, but also not at all.
This book does touch the soul of a reader; the ones of us who read to be taken away from our lives for a time and allow us to live in the magic there.
But it’s also a look at how badly our MC needed this fantasy world to escape to, and that she may not just have to save this world or these people, but also herself.
I loved this book for many reasons: the magic world, the beautiful characters, the emotions and love. But I also loved it because many of us have been in this place; where we absolutely need to immerse ourselves in a whimsical and beautiful world that will help us escape our real world responsibilities, problems, and struggles.
As the reader, I felt like I was going through the author’s journey with her and found it so relatable. The story also examines not only the joy of escapism but the dangers of it.
I think every reader will very much appreciate this story. You may not relate exactly to the specific trials and tribulations, but I think you will relate to the fundamental thoughts of why we read, and why we escape.
A brilliant debut by LE Harper.
Thank you so much to LE for being so kind as to provide me an arc of this beautiful book.

[Tabatha Shipley · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I Did Like:
+Read the author's note. It’s a content warning as well as a love letter from the author celebrating the reasons for this book. It’s worth the read.
+Wonderful opening chapter! The entire concept is intriguing, the characters are amazing, and it’s well written. I was absolutely HOOKED after one chapter.
+Well written. Good imagery, good world building, and good fight scenes. Just generally beautiful language.

Who Should Read This One:
-This one will appeal to a LOT of readers. If you like high fantasy, if you like mental health rep in your books, if you like the concept of an author literally visiting their fantasy worlds, if you like darker redemption arcs … really, if you can handle the content warning, read this book.

My Rating: 5 Stars
Well written, important, and highly recommended.

For Full Review: https://tabathashipleybooks.com/2023/...

[R.A. Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kill Your Darlings is part mental health awareness and part every author's dream-to find yourself in the world of your story. When Kyla wakes to find herself in the body of her protagonist, she quickly discovers that she is trapped in the world of her novel and that she must overcome the big bad to return to home.

This story has some pretty heavy moments and does an excellent job of representing mental illness (depression and self-harm specifically) so be prepared for that going in. I liked they way author Kyla never tried to pretend to be character Kyla and used her own strengths to navigate the fantastical world of her story. Overall, this was a really engaging read and I would definitely read it again.

This was a NetGalley review.

[Rachael BP · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is well written and I loved the fantasy , dragons and the rawness 3.7 stars

I was nervous about reading it due to the description and the authors personal take on their mental health. As much as my heart went out at times some things i wasn’t on par with. You could say that’s probably because I was searching for comfort in regards to my mental health. However I will say it was beautiful to read the healing process as you go through the story.

I would like to mention how stunning that book cover is.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for providing this Arc in exchange for an honest review

[Helyna Clove · Rating 5 out of 5]

Note: I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

"Forgive me, old friend, but we won't win the Shadow War."
"No, I don't think we will."

When I first saw stuff about this book, I was immediately intrigued: authors getting sucked into their imaginary worlds is exactly my jam. And there's mental illness rep? Even more so. I was so very happy to receive an ARC and jumped in immediately. The novel started out sort of how I expected: it was sad, mostly through the narration of the author and what little glimpses we get about her real life, but there was this magical world to get lost in too, and cool characters, so I was like okay. I can roll, just like the author did! I lost myself in the magic of it, like her, even though darker things always hovered in the background, barely seen. Solera is a fantasy world that is familiar but still distinct enough to be memorable - what makes it stand out, as always, is the stories of its characters (and that includes the author this time). There's magic and epic battles, there's dragons, there's a fearsome dark foe...and secrets and quests! It took me some time to grab onto what will be the structure of the novel, but it does all come together in the end. A hero's journey: save Solera and her friends, learn some lessons, get back home somehow. I also appreciated mentions of writing tropes, fantasy cliches and not-cliches, and comments about publishing and author life a lot. The author's language is modern, quippy, but deeply introspective at times, peppered with simple but awesome descriptions of the world. She knows Solera inside out and she's not afraid to show it.

Also, the "a word" was said. Several times! You know, the one that rhymes with uh...abexual? x)

Then, for the last third, the book becomes something different. The same, to be honest, but different. And um, I wasn't prepared to be seen this kind of way.

As someone whose imaginary world(s) has pushed her withering soul through some spicy times also, this last part of the novel was quite...harrowing. I mean I should have known! I really should have. But I didn't, because I intentionally let myself to be bamboozled, that's just who I am as a person. Anyway, this book made me cry and lose all hope and man, that warning in the beginning about unkind narrative voice is no joke. But that's what the darkness does. And looking at it all, I wasn't sure there will be light at the end of the journey. I recognized myself, not in everything, because oh the darkness is so good at tailoring itself to each and every one of us, but I did, and boy, it hurt. Depression sucks. Real life sucks double. And there are times we suck too. And there's no easy answer. Sometimes there's no answer at all.

But.

We can always try. And we do. And in the end, there is a tiny teensy glimmer of hope.

This is a book I would love to have written, and I really don't say that all too often. I'm having all the emotions, and I love everything about it. This book will save lives. And every single agent can be sorry they didn't decide to champion it. Fools. Absolute buffoons.

Preordered, shelved as favourite, will re-read when I need a good existential crisis I mean catharsis.

P.S. Also I love dragons and Cendrion is the best.