Dwang: Een herkenbare en humoristische verkenning van al mijn obsessies

by Lauren Brown, Jeannet Dekker (Translator)

Een herkenbare en humoristische verkenning van OCD, voor lezers van Matt Haig en Sally Rooney.

Lauren Brown maakt zich zorgen. Heel veel zorgen. Om meteorieten die op haar hoofd kunnen vallen, om de afwezigheid van wc’s op openbare plekken en of haar beste vriendin wel écht haar beste vriendin is. Ze zoekt naar manieren om haar angsten te bedwingen, zoals ketchupzakjes waarin net zo lang geknepen moet worden tot ze barsten en bierviltjes die erom vragen in tweeën gescheurd te worden.

Scherp, meedogenloos maar ook met een flinke portie humor en zelfspot onderzoekt ze in Dwang hoe haar (vele) angsten en obsessies zijn ontstaan – en hoe ze daarmee om moet gaan. Met als resultaat een ontroerende maar ook hoopvolle en herkenbare verkenning van dwangmatigheid en genezing. Dwang is een rauw en openhartig verhaal over OCD, dat leest als een roman.

‘Lauren verwoordt haar psychische problemen in een rauwe, intense en meeslepende stijl.’ Matt Haig

‘ Dwang is helder en levendig in de scènes die het oproept, dapper openhartig, ontroerend en vaak erg grappig.’ Robert Macfarlane, auteur van De laatste wildernis

‘Lauren schijnt een prachtig licht op een onderwerp waar zelden over gesproken wordt. Dit boek is zowel intiem als vrijmoedig.’ Helen Mort, auteur van Black Car Burning

 

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Memoir, Unfinished, Biography

211 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2022

Reviews

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC received in exchange for an honest review. Small disclaimer - I know Laura's dad (he's my postman!) but this does not affect my review in any way.

Laura's memoir delves deep into the psyche of mental health, OCD and dermatillomania. It's an incredibly honest and frank book - Laura never shys away from sharing some of her lowest moments, but also intersperses them with little spots of joy. For me, growing up in Billingham, it was wonderful to see someone else's perspective of the area and I could vivdly recall every location Laura describes and feel my own sense of nostalgia. My son even goes to the same secondary school, and I drive past her old primary school every day.

Laura is also a truly beautiful writer, weaving lyrical sentences with an emotional punch that really struck a personal cord with me and allowed me to connect with her story. If anything I think I would have liked a bit more structure to the overall story. Laura tends to flit from one memory to the next, which isn't necessarily my preferred structural style - however overall I think it fits well with the narrative. A very talented writer, I'd love to see Laura try her hand at fiction.

[Kate Henderson · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a person with anxiety, I always seek out books on this topic. I have subsequently read a lot of books on depression and anxiety.
I like that this book focusses on skin picking -something that I have been doing since a child, but up until recently I didn't realise was a symptom of my anxiety. I like that this book looks at this.

However, overall I really didn't enjoy this book. The book felt very unstructured, and felt like a generic memoir rather than something focussing on anxiety like the title promises. When Lauren Brown was talking about her holidays, or other things about her life I did switch off - but when the anxiety came to focus again, that is when I was interested. Although I'm clearly a similar age to Brown (because I could relate to a lot of the pop culture references) I just didn't care about these parts of the book- they felt irrelevant.

I wish the book spoke more about anxiety and treatment, and had less of the waffle about childhood etc. I feel my view is harsh, and knowing the author has anxiety, I don't want to upset. However, I do feel that I have to be honest to my own opinion.

[Annine · Rating 3 out of 5]

For my diversity challenge: mental health focus

3.5⭐ Brown has a very good and light-hearted way of writing, which I really enjoyed. I would have liked if there was even more focus on hands and that physical manifestation of anxiety

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lauren Brown is a beautiful writer who is able to articulate her struggles with her mental health and dermatillomania in a way that is both deeply personal yet completely accessible to anyone reading Hands. Frank, darkly comic and enlightening, this book is a wonderful read that I would highly recommend to all.

[eleanor · Rating 5 out of 5]

made me feel so validated

[Charlotte Brook · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hands by Lauren Brown is an unflinchingly honest account of mental health injected with the perfect amount of witty northern humour

I became interested in reading this book because Lauren suffers with dermatillomania, a condition in which she obsessively picks her skin and through this has come to see her hands as her enemy. A friend of mine suffers with something very similar and reading Lauren’s vivid exploration of her own mind and past experiences has truly helped me to understand. She unpicks incidences from her childhood and adolescence, explaining her compulsive feelings to act out pooling within her fingertips; the overwhelming need to squeeze a ketchup packet till it bursts, to touch a piece of art in a gallery, dismantling it. While, yes, we may have all felt momentarily compelled to do something that we know we would instantly regret, for Lauren these moments are completely absorbing until she feels a sense of release and all ultimately lead up to how her anxiety comes to manifest itself as she gets older.

The narrative of this memoir is knotted, jumping from memory to memory and while sometimes it felt Lauren was going on a tangent, this was something I loved about it. It felt like talking to a friend and having a completely non-judgemental conversation about mental health. Also, perhaps because I’m also northern and not too far apart in age, I found Lauren so funny that I had to use a tab solely for all the bits I actually laughed out loud at.

[Max Dixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful book, beautifully written. A personal, and powerful, exploration of anxiety and the self.

[Dawn Robinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hands is a memoir of Lauren's life and journey with her struggle with dermotillomania, a form of OCD. This story really took me back to my own childhood as Lauren talks about her music taste, the good old days of MSN and of course DJ Smally! Whilst this book is absolutely hilarious, it really delves deep into important topics of mental health which other people shy away from. Lauren tries to discover the root of her anxiety and I found it interesting to see how her anxiety was present even as a child and how it became more apparent as she got older. This book isn't a self-help manual but is instead a true and raw depiction of how dealing with mental health affects everyday life. Personally, I found Lauren's honesty very inspiring and as someone who also suffers with their mental health, I know that articulating how you feel and putting your past on paper is far from easy. 




Hands explores Lauren's life and how her anxiety affects all parts of it such as school, relationships, her home life and her hopes. Hands deserves a big audience, it's relatable and funny but also takes a realistic approach in regards to dealing with mental health. 
This is the best book I have read which deals with a tough topic that will relate to many people, it's realistic, funny and heartbreaking all at once. I wish Lauren the very best for her future and that all her strength and courage is rewarded.

[Jen Burrows · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hands is an emotive and relatable memoir about anxiety, suffused with self-awareness and 90s-child pop-culture references. Individual scenes are vividly described, and I warmed to Brown's funny and confessional tone.

But crucially, it's missing a cohesive narrative arc that ties each step of the journey together. While you get a sense of the chronology every now and then, the structure is pretty haphazard, jolting between memories and different emotional states. It's frustrating, because every time you feel you're getting close to a moment of clarity, you'll find yourself suddenly uprooted in a seemingly unrelated recollection of a past family holiday or trip to the dentist. For a memoir with the subtitle An Anxious Mind Unpicked, it feels somewhat ironic that the narrative gets more and more knotted as it goes.

Thank you to ThePigeonhole.com for sharing this book!

[Laura Van Rijnsbergen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lauren Brown probeert er in dit boek achter te komen welke dingen uit haar jeugd en jongvolwassenheid ertoe hebben geleid en al hintten naar haar dwangmatige stoornis en het openkrabben van haar huid. Ze vertelt op een lichtelijk chaotische manier situaties die ze zich herinnert die ongemakkelijk of pijnlijk waren, en hoe ze bijvoorbeeld terecht is gekomen bij dokters en therapeuten. Het is allemaal best luchtig, en dat maakt het (los van de dieptepunten van Lauren, die ook benoemd worden) wel een vrolijke tekst, wat heel fijn leest.

Ondanks de willekeurige volgorde van de verhalen leest het echt als een trein, je kunt situaties herkennen of je er in elk geval makkelijk in inleven. Ik denk dat het voor haarzelf en veel mensen ook fijn is om dit te lezen, je bent niet de enige en dit is hoe andere mensen ermee omgaan, dat lijkt ook de boodschap van het verhaal.

[Ying · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5
This isn't about skin picking. This is a memoir about someone with skin picking problems.
Everything written were foreshadowing and reasons for why she picks and I think they were much needed.
I also however struggle to stay focused and find myself zoning out while reading.

[Lianne Kruijer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Een humoristische manier van het opschrijven van angsten die kunnen spelen in je hoofd, waarbij de ernst wel redelijk duidelijk wordt gemaakt. Helaas was het echter geen bron van herkenning of tips, waar ik wel op gehoopt had.

[Regina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This author absolutely nails the energy of anxiety in her writing, while also providing a thoughtful and often hilarious tour of her own life. We’re treated to flowing montages of memories, sometimes seemingly disparate, that artfully coalesce into a portrait of the author’s inner life. This structure, which other reviews seem to bounce off as unorthodox, brilliantly reflects the way our experiences intertwine to form the way we view the world and become the people we are, faults and all.

With a book about mental health, often people will come to it with some expectation or hope for answers, and I really appreciate that Brown doesn’t pretend that she has them, which writers often imply (probably because that’s what we’re all desperate for and it sells books) but can in truth never truly provide because there are no simple answers.

Brown instead astutely observes that mental health is a process and invites us into hers. This isn’t a self-help book, it’s a memoir told with a powerful and poetic voice, which dexterously (pun intended) weaves together Brown’s thought processes with the stories she tells. I think that’s the most we can hope for from a book about health—an immersive exploration of what it means to live with a condition, from a keen and insightful mind. From that perspective it’s hard to see this book as anything but a great success.

To see a brand new author come out of the gate with a voice and intellect like Brown’s is rare, and I look forward to reading whatever it is she turns herself to next.

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I genuinely flew through this book, which is very unlike me. I found it very engaging and, at times, literally, laugh out loud funny.

I will declare here that, perhaps the reason I found it quite so engaging, is because I went to school with Lauren. We weren't the closest friends, but we got on well with each other and shared some classes. So, when she talks about some of the things that happened at school, I can personally relate because I was there. Similarly, she talks about the town she grew up in, and again, I can relate, because I grew up there too.

That said, there are still plenty of anecdotes Lauren provides that I wasn't there for, which I still found entirely relatable. She also writes in such a way that she is able to drop in jokes and cultural references, which help to lighten the mood while she writes about, what is ultimately, quite a dark subject.

My only specific gripe about the book is some of the tangents Lauren makes. She often goes off on a tangent to better illustrate the point she is trying to make at the time, or demonstrate how something earlier in her life is affecting what's happening now. Often, this works very well and is easy to follow and easy to see why she's making the tangent. Sometimes though, the tangent is so long, that when we get back to the original point, I'd almost forgotten what was being said and had to go back to remind myself, which made it more difficult to follow, not easier, almost defeating the point of the tangent.

Overall though, I thoroughly enjoyed Lauren's honest and open discussion of her mental health journey.

[Paper Dreams · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a brave and honest memoir. Although it grapples with many shades of mental health, it is not cliché, mawkish or too internal, but often refreshingly funny and shot through with a genuine joy for life. I laughed, I cried and I was surprised.

I particularly loved how it was structured, in long chapters like acts in a play, and how each chapter had a central image or idea, from which the themes emerged. It is very original in this way.

As someone who would not normally be attracted to a memoir or a book about mental health, I felt challenged and continually engaged by Hands. Brown is clearly a gifted and dexterous writer.

[sonjas27 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I want the peace and quiet and security of not losing myself to paradoxically find myself, but to be very much myself and to be OK with that. Maybe that’s the ‘of this world’ feeling. I don’t want extremes any more; I don’t want all or nothing; I want to accept the existence of both. I don’t want to escape any more, into my numb, picking void; I want to feel it all. But life has always just felt so very, very loud.

This is a really good memoir, but at moments it was so uncomfortably relatable that it felt like someone picking around the most hidden and dark parts of my brain without my permission, so 3 stars it is.

[Lucy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC.

Hands is an accomplished debut by Brown, part-memoir and part-informational, delving into her past to discover the triggers and turning points of her illness. Her narrative voice is warm and confessional, like a good friend, which perhaps hides the stark facts of her tale - including that our over-stretched mental health services mean waits of months or years for help, Her perspective, bringing the Northern working class experience to the fore, is fresh and necessary. I laughed, shed a few tears, and learned a lot.

[🌶 peppersocks 🧦 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reflections and lessons learned:
“We addressed, briefly, how I was numbing myself with content. I couldn't even put the bins out without listening to a podcast. As soon as I woke up, I had one in my ears, probably about some horrific murder, and I'd only take it out the second I stepped into the office. As soon as I left I'd have it in again, and when I got home l'd binge Netflix. I was also addicted to Candy Crush so would play that to drown the world out, too. My therapist challenged me to do nothing on my journey to work as often as I could. To just be on the tube, looking out the window, thinking. Being.”

A stumble through reflections from life passages of nerves, confusion, anger and defeated feelings, all trying to find the resolution each time. Can there be a neat bow on the top of each parcel? No, and Brown acknowledges this whilst still trying to tidy the memories and experiences. Not always a comfortable read, but useful to see for people who think that they may be on their own with these moments

[Rachel Chambers · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not really sure what I think of this book. I'm a picker so was hoping for answers but didn't really get any.

The writing style was quite manic and disjointed which I enjoyed. It got across the authors anxiety perfectly and was a style I could relate to.

I read this book looking for a kindred spirit and think I found that in the author. I'm just a bit sad that it feels like we will be pickers forever.

[Cynthia Emeagi · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who undergoes waves of anxiety, I really connected with this book.
Lauren articulates the mental prison and tricks an anxious mind creates and how debilitating it can sometimes be. On the whole, I enjoyed Lauren's memoir. Her colloquial writing style and references to early noughties nostalgia made me laugh at loud. I would really recommend this book to anyone going through anxiety. Lauren's book is comforting and makes one realise you are not alone.

[Cat · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book meant a lot to me. I also have dermatillomania. I’ve never written that sentence before! It’s such a confusing, tangled thing. Lauren’s writing on it really resonated with me. The link to perfectionism, all-or-nothing thinking, the fear of phone call, emails and letters, the anxiety. I feel incredibly happy to have found this book. Thank you so much Lauren for writing it, I always thought it was just me being really weird and terrible! Thanks :)

[Christine Rennie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hands by Lauren Brown is a book about anxiety and mental health. The book details how her condition affects her day to day living. I hope having written about her problems from childhood, it has helped to alleviate her mental health condition and that other readers may identify with the author.

[Jessica]

A dialogue on anxiety and how that manifests in day to day life. Quite difficult to read in my opinion, as it brings up small points which carry large mental effort. Well explained and detailed, but definitely not easy, quite uncomfortable to reflect on.

[Maria Ferreira · Rating 3 out of 5]

I couldn't get into the swing of it for the life of me. It's like a braid of events, so tight that it's quite difficult to let yourself sink in it. There's humor to it, I give you that. But it doesn't make up for whatever the rest of the book is missing.

[Sophie Barber · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a really interesting and incredibly relatable memoir about anxiety. Lauren is a compelling author who really draws out empathy from the reader - whether you can relate to her experiences or not.

[Kim Russell · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really struggled with this book, which I was reading stave by stave with The Pigeonhole, and couldn't make it to the end. It was a confusing ramble that seemed to lead nowhere.

[Nina Powar · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was captivating and brought a tear to my eye. Beautifully written.

[Nicola Mackenzie-Smaller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Full review to follow

[Gail Danks · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t like this style of writing - I really didn’t enjoy this book very much unfortunately.

[Brigitte Mercanton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant book, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Lauren Brown's writing is really absorbing, and also not a style I've read much of before, which is very refreshing - would recommend.