This is gonna be a long one y’all. Grab your drinks and your snacks because what the hell did I just subject myself to? I started making notes in my notes app because I couldn’t believe what I was reading, so this may be somewhat chopped up like a powerpoint.
Let’s begin with the start of the main characters relationship. They’re childhood sweethearts. Cute right? Wrong. We never see their relationship develop and are just throw into them being in love with each other - but we’re told that they’re oh so in love with each other, so it must be true! He also started calling her “his little wildfire” at 7 years old. Please someone direct me to a seven year old that would use that -cringe- language. Don’t get me wrong, i love a good pet name, but when it’s repeated like every sentence and he’s said it since he was 7 you do start questioning your own sanity.
He REALLY loves licking her belly button. Not sure why i included it in my notes but if i had a penny for every time he licked it i’d have two. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.
He swears in every sentence. Well scrap that. Every character swears and talks the same with at least one “fuck” or “fucking” in every sentence. I think i stopped processing the other outcasts names after a while because all of their characters just blended in together with almost no personalities. Besides the guy that played music and the twelve year old, they’re the only reason this book even gets a 1*.
The author tells us that things happened that we didn’t see so they must have happened. Really convenient events too. We randomly get told that she robbed a kings guard and got some arrows from him conveniently, a random girl with no stealth skills can best a kings guard and steal from them, and we don’t even get to read about it, yeah, that checks out. This was a theme during the book but I just didn’t feel like noting every time this happened.
The time pacing of this book is also terrible. We get told it’s x months or x years later and never get to see what happens during that time. If we didn’t get to see these time skips the book would be complete in about the time frame of 2-4 weeks.
The villain is weak to say the least. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a terrible person, obviously. But the best villains are ones with sustenance and an actual decent story. Jealous boy from childhood just didn’t personally do it for me - and it’s like the author thought in every scene he was involved “what’s the most messed up psycho thing he could do right now?” and then just wrote it down.
Robin gets forced into the crusades and suffers a lot of trauma and has to kill a lot of people for 3 years fighting to survive. That’s so traumatic. Except we don’t get to read about any of it, so we don’t get to experience any of this pain or trauma or suffering. We only get to hear how much he suffered having to kill people with swords for three years. Multiple times.
We get told by all of the characters how wild and brave Marian is. But that’s the issue, we’re told and we aren’t shown. She’s brave for surviving her abuser (of course) but she did nothing before to be.. brave or different before that, which was where her wildfire nickname came from i’m guessing. Another offender of saying buy not showing.
Robin was excessively obsessed with taking Marians “virtue”, “innocence” and just “had to be the first” to take her virginity. All this does is just make him the same as every other man in that time, and i expect MMCs to act better than this. Yes the book is in the past, but the author is in the present. Women don’t like being told that our innocence or virtue is lost after we have sex with someone. I certainly didn’t feel comfortable reading it, and I haven’t liked the MMC since. Well, i never did, but that really did validate my feelings. He also has this “you’re mine” typical possessiveness but like… not in a hot way? Usually i don’t typically mind that in a dark romance, not exactly sure how the author made it unattractive here.
They got separated for 3 years and the first thing he thought of when he got back to try to see her again was how horny he was and how much he wanted to fuck her. Okay. Not to mention he basically cast her out of society because of the weight that virginity carries at this time. He doesn’t seem to feel too bad about it though?
The first couple of chapters basically spoil the entire book. The book somehow had managed to spoil itself. It doesn’t take a genius to read into which character is who in the future.
“one of the big busted girls refills it, her tits threatening to spill out of her dress. I don’t even spare her a glance.” okay so how did you know her tits were spilling out of her dress if you didn’t look? interesting. Had to include this because i had to ask my boyfriend to read it for me and we had to laugh because what the hell was that even for?
The maids somehow have the most intriguing life advice and they all feel like quotes ripped out from tumblr when i was in my depressed era, nobody actually talks like this, and why are these lines given to unimportant characters? it makes what they say also unimportant. You may think that Marians maid does become important, but her only purpose in this book is to advance Marian’s story and nothing else. All characters are like this just seem like shells to me. This maid also decided to risk her entire life to let Marian out of her room - someone she barely knows. But she decides to risk both of their lives so that Marian can go and see Robin. This doesn’t work and then the maid ends up going on her own to explain the entire situation to Robin so he can stop calling Marian a whore and actually go and try to save her from her abuser. Maybe the maid should have just done that in the first place and saved us all the hassle.
Every time Robin gets angry he decides to punch a tree or knock things over. (which is all of the time. I don’t think i’ve ever seen this man happy unless he’s fucking Marian. Actually, he’s even angry when he’s doing that so idk) It’s giving man who lost a video game punching walls vibes. Not a good look.
“You need to show her who she belongs to” is said by one of Robins friends. This feels distasteful considering Marian was currently being forced into a marriage she didn’t want and abused by that person. But hey, the girlies love a possessive man right? (no, it’s weird, knock it off)
Robin calls her a whore the moment he finds out she is to be married and says he will kill her when he was well aware before that women had no choice who they got married to, ( he was literally betrothed to her sister without his consent) but suddenly forgot about that because his feelings were hurt - whilst she’s currently being assaulted by her new fiancée but boo-hoo, poor Robins feelings are hurt. I think Robin forgot what era he was living in? Common sense doesn’t exist here, I fear.
Robin somehow manages to just rob a princes carriage with no one getting harmed. Kings guards may i remind you. This is so silly. This is a pretty minor offender considering the entire book but it makes villains useless.
Robin and Lucian are both terrible and there’s nothing attractive about Robin. Just because Lucian is worse doesn’t change that. Now let’s pause and imagine that the author actually described Robin as ugly instead of a pretty raven haired / blue eyed boy. Let’s see how it grosses out the readers then, considering how deranged and ANGRY this character is at any given time. I’m not kidding. This dude is never at peace.
What is it with everyone cupping each other’s cheeks constantly? it’s weird and repetitive and do these people not have any boundaries? Let’s also mention a few repeating offenders : they really seem to love wincing and breaking sticks. Every character apparently. Let’s not forget how everyone also loves to pick at grass and that the sex scenes are all the same just in different settings. I also wish I could count how many times Robin tells everyone how he was betrayed by his childhood friend and had his home snatched away from him.
Robin jerked off in the middle of the forest. Just feel like leaving this here :))
“releasing a breath i didn’t know i was holding” classic mention of course.
She learned sword fighting by watching Lucien and Robin do it. That is not how sword fighting works.
Marian says she misses her mom and thinks about her everyday to her maid yet she hasn’t thought of her since the start of the book and we barley even know anything about her mom, and the maid somehow fills this mom void. I couldn’t tell you one fact about her mom.
Now let’s get to the part of the book where Robin finally saves Marian from her abuser and sexual assaulter. Now THIS is a part of the book i cannot forgive. He just found out the love of his life is being abused and somehow makes it about himself and his own pain? Yes it was your fault that you didn’t save her earlier, because you kept calling her a whore when she was being forced into marriage. No, i do not have sympathy for you.
Robin was checking her for bruises after saving her from an abusive fiancée and got hard during it by staring at her breasts. Nice one. Let’s not leave out the part where - the maid told him that she was beat everyday and locked up in the house and Robins response to that is to put Marian in a tight chokehold and demand her to tell him what exactly happened. Feels a little traumatic and distasteful no? I don’t think I am surprised anymore. He then tied Marian to a tree overnight and gets hard when he sees her the next morning. tied to a tree. covered in bruises, given by her abuser. Ok. - Doesn’t comfort her at all, just repeats more abuse and it’s somehow okay because he’s horny and constantly angry but screw Marians feelings amirite? Robin is impressed because Marian can peel a carrot. Not sure why that was there but umm.. 🥕.
- “i fucking hate being pussywhipped” is actually a sentence in this book. Yeah.
Going back to the whore thing - he calls her a whore for assuming that she slept with Lucien but then he slept with someone else and got mad when she was upset that he was a pretty big hypocrite because he slept with some random girl because he was big angry. Angry? Robin? Never. Marian then runs away and INSTANTLY gets caught by the villain. Marian and her sister get kidnapped and tied up and all she can talk about is how much she loves Robin whilst the sister she’s been begging to see the entire book (her pregnant sister) is forced to listen. Take that in. Her pregnant sister is gagged to a chair and kidnapped and her sister is crying because robin slept with someone else.
A twelve year old saved the day. Honestly probably the only bearable character in this book. Love ya Much.
Oops! Never mind, the author decided to kill the only good character in the book. bye Much :(
They then proceed to have sex during Muchs funeral because why wouldn’t they? (what the fuck?)
I don’t know why I did this to myself. I did tell myself you know - maybe this book just isn’t for me! Now all I can think is - Hey, what the hell? 😃