Heartbroken Open: A Memoir Through Loss to Self-Discovery

by Kristine Carlson

Kristine Carlson had an idyllic life. She and her husband, Richard, had a romantic marriage, two beautiful daughters, and—thanks to the success of Richard's bestselling Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series—all the comforts of the American Dream. But on December 13, 2006, that perfect story took a sudden turn when, on a typical flight to New York, a pulmonary embolism would take Richard's life, catapulting Kristine into heartbreak and uncertainty. It was the end of life as Kristine knew it and the beginning of a journey through the depths of grief and mourning that would reveal to Kristine her true strength and an immeasurable love that cannot be broken.

This book is a courageously honest memoir. It is the true story of a wife, a mother, a woman forced to come face-to-face with fear, insecurity, and the painful but ultimately precious teachings Kristine Carlson discovered along the way. This wise little book offers a timeless message of inspiration, empowerment, and courage for anyone who has experienced loss or hardship of any kind.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

165 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Krista Stevens · Rating 2 out of 5]

A little too crunchy California feel-good spiritual for me. Kristine Carlson became a widow at 43 when her famous author husband (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff) dies because of an embolism while he is flying to NY. Carlson's spirituality is all over the place, but it seems to work for her. Her struggle is to surrender, accept and trust. Although she's obviously greiving, it all seems to come pretty easy for her. I think she's on a higher enlightened plane than I am.

Two criticisms - she needs to stop referring to herself middle-class. 1) She doesn' work and doesn't appear to need to. 2) They have a second home on the CA coast. 3) She travels to India, Sweden, and Italy within about the first year of her husband's death. I don't know anyone who can afford to do all of that.

She is quite candid about her sexual needs after her husband's death. TMI. Yeah. Maybe it's a CA thing? Maybe she's less Puritannical than we New Englanders - though if you know me, you know I'm pretty liberal. I just thought it was weird.

[Cecilia Zuniga · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book. It's a quick and tender read. Kristine does a brilliant job of tracking and sharing her emotional journey through an unexpected loss - the death of her (famous) husband, Richard Carlson - author of the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" books. She describe the roller coaster-like ride from shock to a profound opening of her heart. The wisdom and honesty in this book touched my own heart and spirit on a deep level.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just what I needed to read to navigate grief.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was disappointed in this book. First of all, it is printed in a very small font so I dreaded pushing my old eyes through it. I did like the cover with the picture of Chinese lantern flower in a stage that would symbolize death.
It is an autobiographical journey of a woman's grief for her husband. He unexpectedly passed away of a pulmonary embolism during an airplane flight. She divides her experience of grief into four stages: Surrender, Trust, Accept and Receive. She details what it was like to go through each stage. It is reassuring to learn that even though grief can bring a torrent of emotions and is extremely painful, you can survive and even grow. I feel this book is better suited for someone who have not been through before or is struggling currently. For a person, who has experienced many kinds and many times, it just seems redundant. There are sparks of humor in the book but I longed for more. I wished for more telling of how she helped her daughters deal with it. Still I would recommend to someone going through grief for the first time.

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this more than I thought I would and read it in the course of one day. While the author suffers a sudden and unexpected loss when she loses her husband of 25 years (the author of the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series), her story is not the least bit maudlin or self-absorbed. The couple shared a deep, respectful, spiritual and physical connection that is to be admired. She clearly and concisely shares her journey through grief into acceptance, highlighting that we can't change our past but only move forward and learn from it--circumstances of life don't make you, they reveal you...treasure the gifts of life and love because in this moment all is well and these moments are all we have....it is what it is.

[Carol McGillivary Rodi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the book helpful in that though we came from different situations such as my children are grown, my husband died after a long hard illness, and our ages...but those differences aside, Kristine's words and experiences with grief could have been my own. Therefore, it was affirming to me as I read and found myself saying yes and nodding. It is only four months since my husbands death so I hungrily read the words and experiences of those who have walked this road before me, maybe just to know I am not alone...though I really am.

[Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good thoughts on how one might work through the grief of losing a spouse. But also some very out there California ideas that most of us wouldn't espouse to. Overall, I enjoyed it. I found some very poignant thoughts that fit my needs well, and I just overlooked the other stuff. After losing someone very close, sometimes it helps to hear about how others made it through their grief. Not everything fits everybody, but one can take from it what seems right for them and leave the rest behind.

[Regina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some genuine insights, but overall I didn't like it. There is way too much personal information. And there are parts that seemed snooty. Also, I didn't like how mean she was to people who tried their best to comfort her. I do think that Carlson grew as a result of this experience; I just wanted more insight into the grieving process.

[Ali Bobali · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found some interesting persepctives here, but basically this is a guide for the white upper class. If you have literally the best resources in the world and cannot find a way forward, this book is for you.

I have no time for a white woman proclaiming she has "the courage of a warrior and the wisdom of a shaman" (p.125). Maybe you do.

[Sooz · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the "grief memoir" by the wife of Richard Carlson, who became famous for his book, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (and it's all Small Stuff)", as well as more along the same lines. Early on, I wasn't sure I'd be able to finish this book due to its intensity, but I think I compromised by reading another, different genre of book at the same time -- this one during the morning and something else in the evening -- and it served to provide me some space to digest. I've experienced some very deep griefs in my life so far, and I know I'll experience more over time. I agree with the author that grief makes one so "raw" that, in some very unexpected way, it opens up all manner of realizations and life lessons. I think it's because when we are grieving (if we are courageous) we narrow our activities down drastically and -- perhaps instinctively -- turn inward and thoughtful as we attempt to come to terms with, and acceptance of, life as a finite thing. In this "uninvited" way, grief becomes a huge opportunity. However, as I've inferred above, it's an intense journey and not everyone has the ability -- whether it's courage or self-awareness or our situation in life --- to address grief fully. This woman, by virtue of her husband's financial success and, as a couple, their commitment to faith and self-awareness -- was able to take whatever time she needed to fully experience and write about her grief. I think that's rare. But I recognized a lot of her realizations and envied her clarity and receptivity. She grieved in a healthy way, without getting crazy or reckless or trying to escape it, as many -- I think -- would, and do.

[Shilo Burt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just couldn’t connect with the author.

From the very get-go there was so much focus on her status - boarding horses, gated community, how foreign physical labour was to her, etc. It immediately screamed “privilege”.

We get very little time to understand the relationship she had with her husband before the loss, and unfortunately it makes it even more difficult to empathize with her - it quickly moves into spirituality and how she was connecting with her husbands spirit through her psychic friend, etc. I found it difficult to relate to this - while this is her belief system and it’s amazing she is one, it just felt like page after page of a person I could not find common ground with. I felt it was downhill from there.

While I cannot imagine the grief of losing a spouse, unfortunately the way this memoir is written made it exceptionally difficult to read. I actually love memoirs with perspectives different than mine typically, but this one fell flat for me. The writing is really a 1/5 for me, but I rounded up to 2 as I feel it’s brave that she took the time to publish her story even if I couldn’t appreciate it.

[Kelsey Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

Closer to 3 1/2 STARS.

[Cathy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I could possibly give this book 3 stars, depending on the section. It was sincere, heartfelt, open. Just seemed kinda cheesy and new age-y a lot of the time. I could get on board with some of it, and other parts just kind of made me think, "Seriously??" Fair amount of discussion about spirituality, gurus, "energies" and stuff like that. But I did appreciate her accounts of the emotions she went through following the death of her husband so suddenly and at such a young age.

Read my full review, including a rating for content, at RatedReads.com: https://ratedreads.com/heartbroken-op...

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some wonderful stuff here about the grief process, just didn't want to read about her, uh...sexual problems. Still, for a die hard Richard Carlson fan like me, it was really great to get the back and inside stories surrounding his death and more detail about his life. He was the "real deal" and I'm glad this book confirmed that. The book they wrote together, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love" is still one of the greatest books on marriage ever written. You might want to read that, skip this.

[Sally Labonte · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and honest read on grief, loss and love. I found Kristine Carlson's story inspiring and uplifting even though she is in a difficult place in her life. The death of her husband catapults her into being a single mom, a widow, and having to promote her husbands newly released book all at a time she is trying to grieve and just find a way to get out of bed. It's a true testimony to strength, acceptance of ones life and how love does carry on if we choose to see it and are open to it.

[Ruthie Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a gut-level engaging read that will validate everything you go feel and go through after losing a loved one, or even encourter great loss of any kind. It is healing as well as strengthening.

Ruthie Lewis
Author, Speaker, Life Coach
www.RuthieLewis.com

[Shawna]

About a wife dealing with her husband's death. There was an excerpt at Dailylit http://dailylit.com/books/dailylit-bo...

[Katie Foote]

This was a wonderful, somewhat quick read. I identified with so much she wrote, even though my husband is still very much alive. Her husband lived way beyond his years in the way he lived. She has also done this. I like reading her work very much