I wanted to like this book. It had tropes in it that I really like, from friends to lovers to lets just have hot sex and leave the feelings out of it to oops I've fallen in love. But after finishing the book, I thought about the characters and I had some major issues.
First of all, let's take Eliza, the therapist and FMC. For someone who is a therapist and an actual trained expert on human emotions, she sure did lack a lot of self-awareness. And I don't begrudge her that - but I do wonder why Eliza herself never sought therapy. She has ample reason to (aside from the fact that I think everyone should have therapy regardless of whether they have trauma in their lives). But when the book starts, it's only a couple of years since Eliza suddenly lost both her parents to a car accident. She's got no siblings and is, by all accounts, alone in the world in terms of family. That would cause a lot of trauma and grief, I imagine. The book literally opens on Christmas Day with Eliza trying very hard to not have an emotional breakdown because she's all alone. A prime candidate for therapy if I ever saw one.
Eliza is also described as a "sexy Latina" in the book, in what could best be described almost as a throwaway line from a secondary minor character. That is the ONLY time her heritage is mentioned. And literally, if it weren't for that one throwaway line, nothing in the book would suggest that she's Latina. So...why even include it? What is the point of that line if that is the only time it's ever brought up or referenced? I guess I don't understand the point of including one single throwaway line that mentions she's Latina and then never ever refers back to it.
There's a scene in the book where Eliza's best friends, Hollyn and Andi have come over to commiserate with a depressed Eliza after the dark moment in the book. Andi delivers a line that really resonated with me when Eliza comments about shouldn't she want a happy ending for herself?
"Honey," Andi said with a little laugh, "a happy ending is the one that makes YOU happy. The hard part is figuring out what that is."
The whole conversation seems to suggest that Eliza already has her life together and doesn't really need a husband and a child to complete that picture, even though it's what society seems to tell her she should need or want. And maybe that's the reason Eliza always pushes men away is because she doesn't actually NEED them. It was a really interesting conversation and I loved the idea of a romance novel giving us a happy ending ending that wasn't about marriage and children, that maybe Eliza could define and find her own happiness on her own terms. But then, cut to the epilogue and there it is: marriage, a kid, the hallmarks of a traditional HEA. And I had to wonder, what that conversation was even about when the epilogue just gave us the traditional HEA. And yes, it's a romance and it's SUPPOSED to have an HEA but there is nothing in the romance rulebooks to suggest that the HEA has to include marriage and kids. I would have loved to have seen Eliza define her own HEA as one where she and the MMC are in love but never really feel like they need or want marriage or kids.
And that leads me to the MMC. Beckham, formerly known as Matthew Joseph Lakeman. In his past life, Beckham was the oldest of 7 kids raised in a fundamental Christian church that his father led. (Think of the Duggars but with way less kids). They starred in a reality tv show but Beckham always rebelled against the church and his father's dictatorial teachings. He has premarital sex with his girlfriend, someone catches it on tape and leaks it and he is forced to marry his girlfriend to save her reputation. It's....a lot. Cut to present day, Beckham has left his wife, annulled his marriage, is estranged from his family, and continues to allow his father to control his life...this time by doing the opposite of everything his father wanted him to do. He is a recovering alcoholic, has tons of tattoos and a nipple piercing, doesn't believe in marriage, and is a professional corporate hacker, making sure big businesses have websites that are safe from being hacked. He is also an absolute sticker for privacy, having had his own privacy violated at such a early age.
All of this comes to a head when in a scene that is really off-putting, Beckham breaches Eliza's privacy. I already had issues with Eliza by that point but in that moment, I couldn't really figure out Beckham and why he made that choice because his backstory was still such a mystery. And even when it is all revealed in a scene that is brought about because Beckham's ex-wife shows up, demanding he return to her or else she's going to kill herself, it just seems so much to take. Honestly, the end of the book falls apart because of all the external influences that have to coalesce to bring Eliza and Beckham back together.
At the very least, Beckham decides he needs therapy to deal with his long-standing issues and asks Eliza to wait for him. Eliza though, isn't down with that. She wants to be with him NOW. For a therapist, she makes a lot of choices that I don't really agree with or understand and while the book ends with a HEA and an epilogue that involves a glance several years down the line to them married and with a kid, it also leaves me doubting their HEA. Because it all comes too easy and too quickly for two people who have a whole host of issues that only one of them ended up dealing with because there is never any mention made of Eliza ever seeking therapy for her own issues.
All that to say, the premise had potential but the execution just fell apart for me.
ARC provided by publisher via Netgalley, opinions are all mine.
Content notes: older woman, younger man, Beckham was an alcoholic, fundamental Christian church upbringing, off page parental death, breach of privacy, Eliza's date gets her drunk and videos her having a total meltdown, Beckham's ex wife shows up and threatens to kill herself if he doesn't return to her; I'm sure there's more I've left out but I think these are the big ones.