Birds Aren't Real

by D.T. Robbins

Meeting minutes from a Satanic cult. Werewolves with orgasmic origins. Homemade puzzles made from human body parts. A family trapped inside someone’s leg, hurling toward oblivion. Gaslighting birds. Bicycle tours through hell in search of a lost dog. A fake-your-own-death kit. The ultimate makeover. A carwash funeral. The end of the world in the back of an old Chevy Astro. Birds Aren't Real. The absurdist examination of what awaits us all at the end—for better or for worse.

Genres: Short Stories

146 pages, Paperback

First published February 28, 2023

About the author

D.T. Robbins is the author of Birds Aren't Real (Maudlin House) and founding editor of the lit mag and small press, Rejection Letters.

Reviews

[Josh Iden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now this is a writer. I hated to finish this book, because it was so fucking great. Every story. Every story. Every story I had to stop and stare, for a minute after, let it in. Laughed out loud as often as I was left stunned. The longest story here is maybe five pages, most are two or three, and what Robbins does in those two to five pages is just extraordinary. Combining surrealism, absurdism, no-brow fuckit humor, and horror elements, with instantly memorable characters and voices in frequently mundane slice-of-life setups that take surprising—and affecting—twists, instantly one of my favorite books ever. This year’s Duplex. I said it.

[thevampireslibrary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone is sleeping on this book, so ok WOW this was insanely good, for a short book it sure takes you on a rollercoaster of emotions, I found it to be a chaotic cathartic reading experience, absolutley absurd I cannot accurately convey just how surreal this collection is, just buy the damn book friends, I promise you have never read anything like it before, I absolutley loved this authors writing style!

[Gunter · Rating 5 out of 5]

The ideas, themes and storylines in this collection are all over the place, a rollercoaster ride, yet the writing and prose pop off the pages relentlessly. Highly imaginative and transcendent, a true gem.

[Kevin Maloney · Rating 5 out of 5]

D.T. Robbins writes like he met the Devil at the crossroads, sold his soul, and dropped acid in the underworld. The stories in Birds Aren’t Real are psychedelic fables of tunnels and ghosts, hair and graveyards, but underneath the Danse Macabre is a painful quest for love in a heartbroken world.

[Drew Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This collection of stories is wild. Really no other way to say it. Loser ghosts, wormholes, Rat-Gator-Humans. It's nuts. You'll like it. You might love it. Either way, you probably haven't read anything else like it. Expand your horizons. Live a little. Die a little. Read this book.

[D.T. Robbins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wrote these stories, so I really like these stories. No one was hurt while writing these stories. Thank you.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I could yell with my speakerphone, "THIS IS SO GOOD" and have all of you go "yas queen! this sounds like it will serve and slay!" and then proceed to love it. Because this collection of bizarre, surreal short stories has such wide appeal, it's even more of a shame it has so few reviews on Goodreads right now, because I really can't imagine anyone not finding something to love here.

To be fair, you probably need to have a certain dark sense of humor and overall exasperation with the misery of this existence we have to endure, but I think that's a LOT of people these days. But these stories poke fun at said misery with characters and situations we all know, recognize, or even see ourselves in - there's a certain reverence for the chaos and brittle nature of being alive and what it means to have people we love, while grappling with our own sense of meaning.

Birds Aren't Real balances the inanity of being alive with people who seek out their truths or have others who help find it for them, and, surprisingly, they often do - the losers or "trash people" as one story here puts them, often come away with some version of a happy, triumphant ending, which further serves as commentary and excellent observations to the kind of societies we live in.

These stories don't aim to scare or horrify at all, this is very much a dark comedy, but the writing is sharp, fresh, and I can't recommend this enough. Truly riveting stuff.

[Kyle Seibel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a blast to read. I simply enjoyed the fuck out of it.

There is something deeply eschatological running throughout these stories. Sometimes it's overt (like in "Watch"), but sometimes it's just a general mood of taking place among the rubble. "Clark" feels post-apocalyptic to me for this reason, as does "Good Luck With Your Dog."

Some of the most effective stories for me contained moments where heart and vulnerability slips through the cracks of Robbins's caustic idiom. I believe this is what sets this collection apart. The most strident examples for this can be found in "Oi," "Big Day Off," and most notably in "Look See."

With this collection, D.T. Robbins cements himself as an author in the vanguard of voices who are shaping the vibe of contemporary indie lit. Buy this book, crack a beer, and go trolling the apocalypse for the lulz with a fuckup older brother you didn't know you needed.

[Leonardo Acosta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alright so we’ll start by saying I’m not an AVID reader. My review is simple like me. I simply loved it. To say it was a page turner is a lie. I did not want to turn the page. I wanted to read it. Relive it. And then read it once more. I can’t say I’m someone who can analyze text and tell you the reason curtains are blue. I’m someone who can tell you that everything in this book found its own meaning for me, and if I was lost I was happy lost in that page. Amazing book. Amazing author. Highly recommend.

[Josh Dale · Rating 4 out of 5]

Robbin’s debut isn’t for the faint of heart. You must have built-in sarcasm and a knack for absurdism. With a chaotic, and occasionally pestering, narrator in most stories, you need to be in a certain mood to read BIRDS AREN’T REAL. Otherwise, the book will create the mood for you and you’ll just need to deal with it. I did enjoy any story that had satanic imagery and symbols.

[MM · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this story collection. Each one was a banger and the best part was—I was reminded as a reader what it means to have fun while you’re reading. This was just a straight up good time. And as a writer I was amazed to just see another writer clearly having a blast and giving no fucks. It was so refreshing! (But dude the story “Juice” really fucked me up!) Highly recommend!

[Sheldon Birnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whoosh! Great read, wild ride.

[Jason Fisk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Crazy, bizarre, short stories!

[David Cluck · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I enjoyed every. single. story.

[Michelle Figueroa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting book to read during a waiting period.

[Eric Frost · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh I need to find more from this author. Juice, Heroes were some of my favorites but so much goodness.

[Cody Shrum · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably my favorite book I’ve read this year. I’ve not had this much fun reading a book in a long time and it’s a rare book that can pull off spinning hilarious, absurd yarns that also pack so much feeling and meaning. As a writer, every story in this collection made me want to sit down and write. This collection is lightning in a bottle.

[Aaron Burch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here's the blurb I wrote. This book rules.

The stories in Birds Are Real are so exuberant, so chaotic, so full of energy and sentiment and joy and romance and the belief in both themselves and the world around them that anything is possible — they feel a little like you've jumped in the sidecar of Evel Knievel's motorcycle for a journey across the country, around the globe, through the galaxy, while Evel points out all these beautiful moments hidden everywhere you'd never even thought to look.

[Tex Gresham · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the kind of book you read aloud at a funeral and have everyone laughing one second, crying the next. There's legit catharsis in the stories. Lived in. Absurd. Goofy. Sincere. Desperate. Beautiful. I got my book signed and he wrote "SEX" on the inside and I feel like that's a pretty good single word review for this book -- SEX.

Also: my favorite part of the book is if you flip to the back you'll see that my name is in the acknowledgments. Best sentence in the book because it contains my name.

[Anthony Verdi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of funny books don’t make me laugh out loud, this one did though, a lot. He brings you into the insane world drops you in the middle of the ocean with no life vest and trusts you’ll figure it out for yourself. These shorts stories are like if a modern day Kurt Vonnegut took acid and was forced to perform at an open mic night. Funny wild irreverent absurd but they never feel mean or outright cynical just for the sake of it. Can’t recommend enough and can’t wait to check more out

[Kevin Kearney · Rating 5 out of 5]

WHOOSH

[Lexi · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Richard Brautigan wrote for the show "I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson," it would be something like Birds Aren't Real. An absolutely fantastic read.

[Josh Rank · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reads like a fever dream. Vonnegut on acid. These stories are quick hits that go a looooooooong way.