Grief Ally: Helping People You Love Cope with Death, Loss, and Grief

by Aly Bird

Your best friend has lost their spouse, your spouse has lost a parent, or someone close to you has lost a child. It doesn’t matter what has happened—the loss is deep, heavy, and seemingly impossible. You want to help, but … how? Unfortunately, we’re not trained in the human art of knowing how to support a loved one in their darkest hour.

In Grief Ally , Aly Bird rips the curtain away on this inevitable dynamic called grief. After her husband’s untimely death, Aly gradually learned to cope with constructive support from loved ones. However, she soon realized she was one of the lucky ones with unwavering friends and family in her corner. In this empowering guide, she gives you solid step-by-step advice on how to support “your person”—what they’re experiencing, what you can do, and what you can’t control.

Help your loved one feel like one of the lucky ones with this guide. You can’t take the pain of loss away from someone you love, but by following the steps in Grief Ally , you can become their skilled, passionate advocate.

You’ll There isn’t a cure for grief. Nothing you do can change that devastating reality—but you have power to alleviate sorrow. Read Grief Ally today so you can offer the support your person actually needs.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Self Help

142 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2023

About the author

Since her husband’s untimely death, Aly Bird has poured her heart into helping those who feel helpless during an unexpected crisis. Her extensive study of grief psychology and culture, combined with her own devastating firsthand knowledge, led her to create a road map for the courageous and dedicated individuals who are willing to show up for the people they love with unconditional love, empowerment, and reverence. A speaker and workshop leader, Aly shows a clear path to those who have the courage to take on the vital role of being a grief ally.

Recognizing that there must be a change to the way our culture handles grief, Aly is committed to building a support and educational network not only for the ones who have experienced an earth-shattering loss but also for the people who are often overlooked: the griever’s loved ones and trusted support system. To aid in her mission, Aly is currently pursuing a graduate degree in counselling psychology and a career in grief therapy.

Aly Bird is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), coach, and author with a BA from Carleton University and MSc in social planning from the University of Toronto. She is a member of the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association and the Bereavement Ontario Network.

Keeping her life in balance, Aly is passionate about taking long walks with her dog, creating art, and singing at the top of her lungs every time she has the chance.

Learn more at www.alybird.com or find her on social media @thealybird.

Reviews

[Camila Uriona · Rating 5 out of 5]

After losing so many beloved ones since 2020, including my best friend and my father, I wish this book was available sooner. This is a toolkit on how to support others close to us when going through the different stages of grief. A necessary approach to understand how we process loss.

[Mallory Pullman · Rating 5 out of 5]

We All Need Road Maps
A well-written, well-thought out resource and road map to supporting those who are grieving a loss. We have and will continue to lose loved ones, and we have and will continue to support others who lose theirs. Thanks to the author for recognizing this gap in our learning, and for being brave enough to share her story and experiences when necessary. It’s already clear to me this isn’t all about her loss however and that her book is well-researched and that she is well-educated in the topic. As a physician trained in family medicine, even my medical training didn’t teach me to support patients in their grief, and I recommend this to any of my colleagues and friends.

[Sarah Ditmars · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book I wish I had sooner

It's impossible to know what to do when someone close to you loses their person. This book is a valuable resource that I wish I had many years ago. I strongly believe those who read this book will have the strength to cope through the multiple challenges that come for years to come throughout the "earthquake" of grief and the thousands of after shocks that follow.

Strongly recommend you get your hands on this book!

[Maya · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly what every person in a support role wants and needs to read. It is accesssible, practical, funny, heartbreaking and gold. It provided me hands on tips and suggestions that I will use in my life forever. Aly weaves in short anecdotes to help illustrate how you can support your person through their new hell, while also making sure that they are the centre of determining their own needs. My sister lost her spouse 2 years ago. I spent hours searching like a resource like this to no avail. I tried my best, but I made mistakes, I tried to do everything and failed to take care of me. This book would have allowed me to be a better support to her while also taking care of myself through my own vicarious grief. 10/10 stars, ignore the trolls below, this is a MUST READ.

[Scott Clancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Superbly written and poignantly relevant! This is a must read for anyone who is going to truly help a person they care for, through the trauma of grief. Easy to read chapters interspersed with tips and woven together with personal examples from Aly's personal experience with tragic loss. The examples leap off the page and bring these thoroughly researched best practices into stark reality. As a family that is deeply experienced with decades of service in the military and law enforcement, this book is a MUST READ for all LEADERS who are going to inevitably be in the position of supporting those facing tragic loss. Aly is setting us all up to be allies.....be a grief ally!

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Language is one of the most powerful tools for the job of being human. This book offers not only a framework for healthy action, but also a vocabulary that together serve as tools to work through some of the most difficult tasks in the human experience: surrendering to the pain of heartbreak; confronting the reality of mortality; apologizing; taking another's point of view; and putting trust in the unproven.

I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking to become more competent and confident as a supportive friend at the times we feel most powerless to help.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! Very helpful when grieving and I’m so glad I found this book. I would definitely recommend this book.

[Scott Clancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

All military and first responder leaders need to read and refer to this book. Get it, share it, and keep it on your shelf.

[Jane Doe · Rating 1 out of 5]

I will read this book when it inevitably hits bookstores in Canada. I’m sure it will be well written which is expected coming from a woman with a “masters degree”….a fact that she made known at the beginning of her relationship given that her “husband” did not have one. She has written a book which will be purchased by an unsuspecting person who has lost their spouse of 25 years, when this author was not married or even engaged to her “husband.” Anyone close to the deceased knows he was anti social media, and didn’t “make a big deal about himself” and now is the subject of a book written by his “wife” who he never proposed to. Let sleeping dogs lie. Before he died he was a friend, a respected firefighter, a brother, a son, a nephew, and an all around awesome human being. This publication is a reliving of pain for the dozens of people who are grieving, devastated, and depressed for losing someone they knew for decades, not just the past 5 years as the authors “husband.”

[Jen M · Rating 5 out of 5]

So thankful for this book!
I was so relieved to find this book. This situation sucks. It's all new for all of us, and there's no training for it. All you want to do for your person when they are going through the worst thing imaginable is make it better for them. Sometimes we fumble, especially when having zero experience in the matter. This book is an easy listen. The author Aly speaks from experience, making her advice credible and truly helpful. She breaks down all kinds of situations, using real life examples, suggests things to say and not to say, how to be actually helpful to your person, and simple easy gift ideas if people feel inclined (which I really appreciated, as I know my person is sick of food and barely ate during the first week anyway). If you feel like you're floundering with this issue, read or listen to this book immediately. You will feel better about your efforts, and will be able to help your person in truly meaningful ways.

[M-K · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read the book, I was interested as someone who knew both the deceased boyfriend and the author. It was well written. She is very intelligent the author. I believe marketing for her platform, her book, her podcast, and her therapy business is misleading. All are formed under the basis of the loss of her husband who never proposed to her and she never got married to. I have deep concerns that she is a therapist given her lack of a morale compass or ethical framework. Everyone knows what happened and what she did to the loved ones of Wil. I pray that she does not cause harmful psychological damage as a therapist. Proceed with caution.

[Katie Wittmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

When someone you love loses the person they love most in the world, they need all the support they can get. Most of us are uncomfortable and uninformed about how best to provide that support. While everyone's experience of grief is unique, the general principles and advice shared in this book will steer people in the right direction and serve as a helpful, thoughtful resource.

[Stephanie Butterworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've had so many experiences with friends, family and colleagues around grief and not really ever known what do do, how to be, what to say or how to best support. This book gave me every tool I needed to step into that space, that ally ship, with confidence and calmness. It's a must read in the grief space.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grief Ally is a heartfelt roadmap to navigating grief, for yourself or loved ones, offering deep insights into embracing it with compassion. The author offers a lifeline of understanding and comfort, it's a must-read for anyone seeking healing and guidance with life's challenges.

[Carla Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book provides insightful and practical suggestions on effective grief support. It isn’t easy to be present to the pain of grief in the people we love. This book can help you feel more confident when interacting with grieving family and friends.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly a wonderful book for all those looking to strengthen their skills as they support a griever.

[Sam Villaluz · Rating 4 out of 5]

self help in the art of showing up, what support looks like & the acknowledgment that grief doesnt get resolved

[Hannah Rumsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be required reading for EVERYONE. Because guess who loves someone who will grieve during their lifetime?...EVERYONE.
The book is full of fantastic advice about how to support the bereaved while also respecting them, empowering them, and loving them unconditionally. And yes, Aly also tells us what NOT to do and say, which our society desperately needs.
I learned a ton from this book, and will be gifting it to lots of people. I hope this book takes off and gets the widespread, worldwide attention it deserves.