Raising a Kid Who Can: Simple Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Adaptability and Emotional Strength

by Catherine McCarthy, Heather Tedesco, Jennifer Weaver

Three mental health professionals cut through the "parenting advice" noise with this accessible, easy-to-skim book filled with actionable strategies and tips to build a child's capacity to thrive where they are planted, in good times and bad.   It’s time to parent smarter, not harder. Filled with scientifically based and eminently actionable advice and strategies, Raising a Kid Who Can  boils down the ten essential things that every child needs to thrive so that parents can stop drowning in information and get to the business of raising healthier, happier humans. Written by three mental health professionals who work with families, organized for easy skimming, and designed to be useful at any stage in a child’s life, the book devotes one short, impactful chapter per principle, including Resilience, Attention and Self-Control, Psychological Flexibility, Self-Motivation, Compassion and Gratitude.  The result is a new approach to a parenting guide, one that takes a wholistic approach to nurturing a child’s development and help parents get right to the information they need, when they need it.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Childrens, Audiobook, Family, Self Help, Adult

288 pages, Paperback

Published September 12, 2023

Reviews

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really practical, actionable strategies to help build a resilient kid. Bought a copy after finishing the library copy, because I know it's one that we will return to when we're feeling stuck.

[Krista · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to start this review with a disclaimer: I think this book would have been better for me to pick up as a hard copy! The information is fascinating, informative, and current, but it was hard for me personally to follow via audiobook. It’s in my cart as a paperback copy for a future re-read! So, this review is based solely on the audiobook experience.

The book moves VERY quickly. Before I could digest some information and start thinking about how it could apply to my own parenting journey, it was already moving on to the next section or topic. (I know, I could have paused it but let’s be real- I’m listening to audiobooks while driving, at the grocery store, folding laundry, etc.). Despite this, I found many of the different parent-child situations and scenarios to be totally relatable. The solutions were backed by credible resources and the authors' own experiences, which added a lot of value.

I do think I will need to re-read this book once my daughter is a bit older. There were definitely concepts and strategies that I can start to implement at this stage, but I believe they will be more beneficial once she reaches a higher school-age level.

One thing I really appreciated was the overwhelming message and constant reminders that in order to best teach our children to be resilient, we must first work on ourselves and SHOW them what it looks like to take care of our personal mental health, take on challenges, and accept failures ourselves.

I suspect my rating might go up after a future re-read of the physical version!

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m gonna buy this one, had to skim the end to return it to the library. Love the simple overviews, lots of different tools and tactics to try, and including the science or studies behind topics. I think it will be useful all the way up to high school and a good reference for when troubles of all sorts arise.

[Ariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid 4 stars for this parenting book. I got the audiobook from the library and am now planning to purchase this book so I can refer back to it when needed. Like all parenting books, I didn’t agree with everything, but there is a lot of helpful information and perspectives through out the book that make it a helpful, insightful read.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book for how well-written and practical it was. A great opportunity to nerd out on some neuroscience research, presented in a digestible, fun way, and to think about what makes us tick as humans and how to nurture and guide ourselves as parents and our kiddos.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Excellent book! This would for sure be one of the top three parenting books that I would recommend to friends or clients.

I really love the focus of this book—it’s such an important topic. It’s filled with science, stories, and tons of instantly applicable tips. It really is a book that’s helpful for parenting any age; I could pick this up while I have toddlers and it would be equally useful to pick up again when I have teenagers.

[Kiera · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is the first book i'm picking up in my 'research for motherhood' era and i found this so practical, easily digestible, and a great format. it includes a great mix of hard science & realistic tips, plus suggested/helpful reading of each topic for yourself AND your child. there's also a ton of moments for you to turn the mirror on yourself that i think is so crucial, and good to be thinking about before becoming a parent. i'm def going to be buying my own copy bc it truly is something you could/should pick up multiple times throughout a child's life.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical, empathetic, evidence-based book it was pleasant to read. Anyone raising kids, especially those who were not yet adolescents when the pandemic hit, could benefit from this book.

[soph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actually contains practical advice for parenting in the modern world.

[Delaney Moege · Rating 4 out of 5]

While it was good to listen to the audiobook, I would have liked the physical book to reference things I would like to build into my parenting style.

[Lauren Weum · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super practical! Great suggestions and nuggets to think about! Gave me many things to work on for myself too!

[Angela Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good parenting book that covers lots of different topics in a way that is easy to digest. I find some parenting books make the same point over and over but this one didn’t feel repetitive at all. Is one I would come back to as my children are in different stages. Probably most suited to a neurotypical child.

[Hannah Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is SUCH A GREAT resource. If a parent needs ONE resource for raising toddlers, kids & teens, it's this one. This book covered so many aspects of parenting I hadn't previously considered such as: attention, self control, tolerating difficult emotions, accepting anxiety, adaptability, independence, motivation, compassion, gratitude and resilience i i also really appreciated their chapter on technology!

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the book I wish I'd had while raising my children - but am so grateful to have found it now so I can be a better grandmother. Fantastic advice for anyone - anyone trying to navigate the world. And the "kid" advice applies to myself and to kids of all ages and relationships. I love how it is written - the format with the three authors. Except for one part. I found it incredibly distracting that the flow of the text is continually interrupted with a separate entry - that is, yes - related, but I found myself having to go back and find where I left off in the main body - or else continue with that but have to remind myself to go back and read the insert. Just a personal preference. All in all - a fabulous resource.

[Elizabeth Ellis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful, practical book. A joy to read. I’ve read more parenting books than I care to recall, usually with the nagging fear that I’m a bad mother and my children are never going to be able to climb off their therapist’s couch. This book is completely different! The tone is encouraging and embracing, and with completely relatable tips for handling the inevitable rough patches. I only wish I’d read it earlier!

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read a lot of parenting books so knew a lot of what was written here, but if you want a "one stop shop" kinda deal, this would be a great option for all age groups.

I really appreciated that they didn't dive in too deep to studies or get too technical. They gave you takeaways up front, gave you building blocks for each chapter, and check-ins (which I found very helpful!) for you and your kid. It can definitely feel overwhelming if you want to better yourself or interact with your kid differently to have an entire book filled with improvements, but it's all there so you can try one thing at a time (my plan).

Lastly, the digital chapter at the end is what gives me the biggest gut punch. As mom to a 12yo middle schooler, she is surrounded by phones and friends with social media and asks when it'll be her turn to get a phone. The studies and research is evolving so quickly I never know the right answer, but I feel a smidge better making her wait just bit a lit longer.

[Robyn Silverman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book-- and it was a joy to read. Yes, the information is well-written and helpful-- but can we also just mention how beautiful the book is to look at as well? I love the layout and how easy it is to consume. Now, the writing. It's well-researched, tried & true. This is not fluff, people. There are strategies you can use right away and research that is helpful to know and put into action. As a person who sometimes struggled with self-esteem and confidence when I was younger, I appreciate this book on a deep level and feel strongly that if parents and educators use the advice provided in the book by not one but THREE top experts, they will be doing themselves and the children in their lives a huge favor. Adaptability and emotional strength are lifelong gifts-- and so is this book. Highly recommend!

[Alena · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a parent of a two year old toddler and another on the way, I really enjoyed this book even though some of the practical aspects will be more useful as my children grow older — such as the “concern-o-meters”, tips, and reflections.

I love the way each chapter is laid out with takeaways, scientific explanations, real life examples, and deeper dive reading recommendations!

The true takeaway for me with this was to live by the playbook for myself, and to always remember the value of the three R’s; rest, recreation, and routine.

There truly is no perfect parent and/or child, but this book lays out a good framework of resources to better understand our impacts in how we model, communicate, and live our lives with our children!

[Melissa Cook · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in the hopes of finding strategies for both parenting and teaching. Unfortunately, there wasn't much in there for the teacher in me, but for the parent, it was a really insightful and practical toolkit of sorts for raising resilient kids. The biggest takeaway for me, as someone who has read several of their recommendations already, was how critical it is to model resiliency and healthy practices (sleep, tech, exercise etc.) in front of our kids rather than just tell them. It was very readable (well, listanable, as I chose to do an audio format) and had a good mix of anectode, science, personal experience, and professional recommendations.

[Alexis Roizen Harris · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is OK. There were too many “tips” to feel like I could put anything into action. At first I liked it, but then about half way through, I felt like I had to add 35 “tips” to my to-do list. It started to feel impractical with too many ideas to hold at once..
But the big take away for me, which is pretty obvious, is that kids will imitate you so make sure you know what you’re modeling. If you’re anxious, you should probably work on your own anxiety etc. Happy for that reminder, but I didn’t need the whole book to get there.

[Isabel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think of human relationships in tiers, like a high tea set, that increase in difficulty.

Tier 1- you & same-gender friend
Tier 2- you & opposite-gender friend
Tier 3- you & romantic partner
Tier 4- you & marriage partner
Tier 4- you & child

To me, the parent-child relationship is the ultimate test of time, patience, morals, ethics. In reading a parenting book, I'm reverse engineering the tiers; if I can somehow manage a babbling baby, I can manage anyone.

Unfortunately, this was a mid parenting book. Adele Faber’s was way better.

Lastly, don’t worry; I’m not pregnant

[Sarah Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly accessible and engaging piece of literature that is needed for any person who interacts with children; this is not just for the parents or educators. It carefully and thoughtfully explains the archaic and recent science of child development and how to best manage and create a flourishing environment for healthy childhood through to adulthood. Its little illustrations and practical applications help spark creative ways to implement the 10 essentials outlined for a child to thrive. I see this book being a go-to in future years and throughout our parenting journey.

[Deana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Writing style 2.5-3 / 5 ⭐️⭐️💫
Evidence-based info quality 3.5-4 / 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫
—— I longed to like this book so much more than I did. Between elements of repetitiveness, cheesy section factors, and a continuous internal knowing that there are simply better-written books out there on the subject, I struggled at times to maintain motivation to read this one despite it being one that reads so quickly. That said, every time I thought to abandon it, an interesting study would be referenced, a keeper-phrase would pop up to underline, or a currently relevant parenting advice point would come up and keep me reading just enough to continue.

Written by three authors (a child psychotherapist, parent psychologist, and psychiatrist), this pandemic-inspired works seeks hard to be relevantly accessible for multiple stages (early childhood, elementary, adolescence) of parenting or educating now and in years to come. It’s consistently positive and mostly reverent toward youth development of resilience and adaptability.

With that said, this book tries too hard to be too much, and its deep leaning into its framing formula makes portions reminiscent of magazine articles filled with side-boxes and listamania pieces. I do love a good infographic or interactive graphic organizer in the right context, and some tables and drawings were super useful or darling. A number, however, at least for me, veered a touch too cutesy for me to take seriously and do not seem to the rest of the text’s tone (e.g., every chapter ends with a visual “Concern-O-Meter”). Stylistically, fonts also heavily vary and at times I simply felt like the project simply had too many cooks in the kitchen to give the book what cohesive engagement I craved. Granted, I did read the text as a digital book, and I know books don’t always translate well in that way, but still I sense the printed copy may not deviate a whole lot from what my view was.

I still learned useful updated data, absolutely, but I regretfully don’t believe all elements of this piece will stand the test of time quite as much as they’re claiming here book will easily do.

[Amelia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This didn’t really add much to what I’d gotten from other how to help your kids books I’ve read, but it did reinforce some ideas that I could also do better with. In particular, it really drove home that the best things I can do is let them be who they are and find their own motivation, and really focus on myself and thinking of the things I want my kids to do and making sure I’m modeling that behavior.

[Cheng Bogdani · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good survey of contemporary thinking WRT raising kids according to middle class western ideals of the 22nd century. I didn't find any new ideas in here, but the usual ideas are well presented. The authors include many references for further reading. They did not delve very deeply into special needs.

This would be a good 'if you only read one book on the subject'.

I listened to the audiobook via Overdrive from my local library.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended by my workplace (a prek-12 school), and I really enjoyed it. Accessible and insightful, I found it helpful in understanding how to encourage kids to become more independent and confident in today's world. The authors included age-appropriate suggestions, and the advice seemed sound. I finished the book and felt more confident and optimistic about being a positive role model for the kids and young people in my life.

Disclaimer: I don't have kids of my own.

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a teacher and a parent, I really enjoyed this book especially because we are in a society where we are seeing more and more kids become less independent and more dependent on others. I really liked the premise of this book and how to achieve raising kids who can. I will be using the strategies not only with my children, but in my classroom as well.

[Rolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good tips here that were helpful to me as a parent. As with most of these books, it tries to push an entire system/way of parenting for the reader to adopt wholesale, which I usually have a strong instinctual reaction to push back against, but a lot of the individual suggestions are good ones.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great resource for any parent or educator(or honestly anyone who wants data about how brains work in relation to anxiety, resiliency, motivation, etc). A lot for me to think about while raising relatively young children and will hopefully be a resource for me in the future when they are older and curious about social media.

[Joni Owens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very well written and explained. The authors aren’t preachy or talk down. It’s a very fact based book. They break it down in different sections and each area has lots of information and the facts to back the points up.