Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood

by Minna Dubin

A frank, feminist examination of the hidden crisis of rage facing American mothers—and how we can fix it   Mothers aren’t supposed to be angry. Still, Minna Dubin was an angry exhausted by the grueling, thankless work of full-time parenting and feeling her career slip away, she would find herself screaming at her child or exploding at her husband.  When Dubin pushed past her shame and talked with other mothers about how she was feeling, she realized that she was far from alone. Mom Rage is Dubin’s groundbreaking work of reportage about an unspoken crisis of anger sweeping the country—and the world. She finds that while a specific instance of rage might be triggered by something as simple as a child who won’t tie her shoes, the roots of the anger go far deeper, from the unequal burden of childcare shouldered by moms to the flattening of women’s identities once they have kids. Drawing on insights from moms across the spectrum of race, sexual orientation, and class, she offers practical tools to help readers disarm their rage in the moment, while never losing sight of the broader social change we need to stop raging for good. 

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Feminism, Self Help, Audiobook, Womens, Memoir

256 pages, Hardcover

Published September 19, 2023

About the author

Minna Dubin (she/her) is the author of MOM RAGE: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood (Seal Press). Her writing has been featured in the New York Times, Oprah Daily, Salon, The Times, Lit Hub, Parents, the Philadelphia Inquirer, Romper, The Forward, Hobart, MUTHA Magazine, and Literary Mama. Minna has an MA in Transformative Language Arts from Goddard College and a BA in Cultural Studies from The New School. She is the recipient of an artist enrichment grant from the Kentucky Foundation for Women. As a leading feminist voice on mom rage, Minna has appeared on MSNBC, Good Morning America, The Tamron Hall Show, the BBC, and NPR. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband, two kids, and no pets because enough is enough. Follow her on Instagram @minnadubin.

Reviews

[Katie (spellboundbooks_) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars

Big thanks to Goodreads and Minna Dubin for a gifted copy of this book!

When I saw this book listed on Giveaways I knew I had to enter because "mom rage" is definitely something all moms (including me) has felt at one point or another when raising kids. When I won it I was ecstatic to get it because of the promise of other stories from moms who have had similar feelings. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!! 🙌🏼

But then a quote from the prologue sent me for a loop - "...a child picked up and thrown into his crib. For me, it is better not to touch at all." I almost stopped reading because while I have experienced mom rage, personally, I have never experienced feelings or felt the need to do something like this. Then again in Chapter One there was the quote "I remember biting holding [my daughter] and biting down on her fluffy onesie to staunch something worse." I was horrified to hear that mothers are experiencing feelings like this.

This book does have some quality facts, insights from studies and great tips to help stop outbursts of mom rage. I learned a lot about things to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and it did make you feel not alone when it comes to getting mad at your kids.

I do feel like this book is aimed more at working moms than stay-at-home moms. It talks frequently about needing more daycares, help, etc. What about the moms who choose to stay at home with their kids? I don't disagree that we do need help sometimes, especially from partners but there are some of us who LOVE being at home with them and don't feel like we need daycares, preschools and camps to get an escape. (I say this as a working mom and stay-at-home mom since I balance my own business and being with my kids everyday.)

This book might relate more to parents with neurodivergent kids, single moms, and those in same-sex relationships. I do recommend this as a read for any mom- but there still are some quotes from real moms that shocked me. It definitely made me thankful and realize that my rage isn't as bad as I thought and that I have a partner that truly helps me when I need it.

[Melissa Stacy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Published in September 2023, "Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood," by Minna Dubin, is a nonfiction book interspersed with memoir material, all of it focused on the topic of the explosive rage that is experienced by what the text refers to as 'birthing persons' as they do the hard work of parenting the children who are under their care.

In reading the book and listening to a few of the author's interviews on YouTube, I discovered that Ms. Dubin wrote an essay on the topic of 'Mom Rage' that went viral during the Covid-19 pandemic, and that was why a publisher reached out to her with an advance and a book contract to publish this book.

I discovered this book on its release day, when bestselling author Jennifer Weiner blurbed the book on her Facebook page, and described the book as essential reading for women everywhere. With a rave-review endorsement from Ms. Weiner, I was intrigued and eager to read "Mom Rage."

I can truly see the value of a book like this for so many women I know, though I have to be honest and admit that many of these potential readers would be highly put off by the hyper-trans-inclusive language used by the text. The author also makes frequent use of bell hooks' chosen term: the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, without really establishing the origin of this term or defining it for the reader. Ms. Dubin instead simply takes the term as a known quantity: a given and accepted phrase that all of her readers are on board with, when I know that for many readers, this isn't the case, including the readers within the chosen market demographic for this book.

I also want to point out that the author, even at the end of the book, is fixated on expressing compassion for raging mothers, including herself, but she has absolutely no understanding of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or what is often called Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), and it makes for painful reading.

When a caregiver expresses explosive, violent rage toward a child in their care -- [and I'll give two examples that are described in this book: a raging mother leaning over a crib and screaming repeatedly into an infant's face to 'shut up'; a raging mother shoving a confused and overwhelmed toddler hard enough for them to fall over and strike the back of their head on a sidewalk] -- the correct term for this behavior is 'abuse.'

But Minna Dubin is completely opposed to this terminology, and does not label her raging behavior as abuse or abusive. Nor does she label any other mother or birthing person she interviewed for this book as exhibiting abusive behavior. In an interview for this book that I watched on YouTube, Ms. Dubin stated that anyone who would call her behavior 'abusive' simply "doesn't know what they are talking about."

I do know what I am talking about, though. And this book is so massively faulty, for that very reason.

Having compassion for people needs to extend both ways: to the overwhelmed adult caregivers [mothers, birthing persons, etc.] and to the underage dependents who are subjected to their caregivers' adult wrath: the violent rage that is the unprocessed shame and unprocessed trauma of an adult being inflicted upon an innocent child.

Using the word "abuse" does not make people "bad" or "immoral." It's an important term to use so that people can heal their trauma, especially their childhood trauma.

I found the book "Mom Rage" to be hyper-fixated on inclusive trans language and systemic structures of power, but completely lacking in any understanding of trauma, shame, and C-PTSD.

Ms. Dubin also had access to a socioeconomic resource level that none of the moms and birthing persons I know in my own life could ever relate to. This is a book examining the motherhood struggles of the upper-middle class and upper class, and while that is important and valuable, it also made the book a struggle to keep reading at times.

There are definitely readers who will love and champion this book, Ms. Weiner among them.

I'm sad to say that this book really wasn't for me. I knew within the first twenty pages that it was going to end up solely as a market research read, and leave me contemplating things that were not at all in the text: primarily, the shortcomings of the prose, and all I found missing and needed.

One star for me personally. Three stars because I know I'm just not the reader for this one.

[Erin Nudi · Rating 5 out of 5]

We've talked about miscarriages. We've talked about post partum depression. *This* is the mom issue nobody talks about. So raw, real, and relatable it was uncomfortable at times to read, but so important. Thank you for this book.

[Marinna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmm. This review is a bit hard for me. Let me start off by saying that I loved the topic of this book and the cover art is just *chef’s kiss*.

I struggled to like this book as much as I anticipated I would like it. I found myself wishing some of the topics were discussed more in-depth and not just addressed with short vignettes. Also, I think the level of inclusivity the author brought into the book made it kind of hard for me to enjoy. It felt like every example was coming from a marginalized group. I believe these stories are important, but I also felt like it made it even harder for me to fully grasp the message, struggles, etc. since there were so many nuances to follow.

I recognize that this is due to my own bias, but I really felt like a large portion of mothers were left out of this book. There are moms that stay home with their children, by choice, who still struggle with rage. They don’t want the solution to their rage to be subsidized childcare. They just want to be validated that they’re doing hard work. It also felt like so many of the solutions at the end of the book ignored the child’s best interest. Having children and then sending them out of the house for 8+ hours a day has it’s own consequences. I am left feeling upset that this almost normalizes treating children as accessories to be raised by others so that parents can resume their pre-child lives. Ugh.

[Chelsy Foulk · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was hoping for some strategies, but instead lost 8 hours of my life to someone else’s whining without any real resolution or solution. 0 stars, do not recommend.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood is an impressive, eye-opening book about the systemic crisis women face in motherhood. The book focuses on how society pressures women, particularly mothers, to be perfectionists. There is so much pressure to be "perfect mothers," part of that perfectionism of motherhood leads to self-erasure, not being an entity, or having your own needs. However, the author has tapped into a new impetus of mothers pushing back and trying to find their identities.

This book struck a nerve for me. Living that life with low-level perfectionism leads to not feeling great about yourself, which pushes you to a breaking point. One of the things the author did so well was talking about the misunderstandings around rage and shame. People get confused between rage and anger. They can look similar. The difference between rage and anger is basically that there is a loss of control. With rage, it feels like it is happening to you. There's so much to connect to here. I think the thing I appreciate most about this book is that shame is so paralyzing and counterproductive to our goals because the less we talk about something like rage, the less we're inclined to see it as a systemic problem and need to fix it. What a gift a book like this can be to the moms coming up behind us to say you can be a wonderful, present mother, and it doesn't have to be perfect or selfless.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://shows.acast.com/moms-dont-hav...

[Molly Hayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

We are told that motherhood is the best job in the world. We are constantly reminded to be thankful we get to do this work. So when moms get angry, when we rage, we are consumed with shame. It’s hard to ask for help, because we aren’t supposed to be release this kind of anger. But that rage still happens, and there are many factors that contribute to it. “Drawing on insights from moms across the spectrum of race, sexual orientation, and class, Dubin offers practical tools to help readers disarm their rage in the moment and fight for the broader social change we need to stop raging, for good.”

I don’t read a lot of nonfiction, but when I started reading this I could not put it down! I felt so seen. I feel myself spiral, hear when I yell, and then crumble under the guilt. This book is an excellent look at the internal and external factors that have created a world where motherhood is often isolating, and an undervalued job that benefits how our society runs. Reading the personal accounts from different moms and how they manage the rage that is unique to motherhood was very cathartic! I don’t typically rate nonfiction reads, but I highly recommend this one for anyone who is or who partners a mom.

Thank you to Seal Press and the author for my gifted copy of this book!

[Savannah (forest_reader) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt drawn to this book, as I'm its intended audience with two young kids at home. There are a lot of validating arguments in this about the ways society and culture have failed mothers and haven't set them up for success in motherhood. It felt validating to read that rage doesn't come from an evil place, but from being overwhelmed by completely sacrificing your whole self for your kids. I like Minna Dubin's points of examining rage to identify triggers, trying to remember empathy, and apologizing after rage. She also makes some good political points on what things need to change in our society and culture to truly solve mom rage. Though I'm not sure these solutions are at all possible, it's definitely something to think about. I think this book focused a little too much on politics for me to really connect with it, but I think it's an important message to keep discussing.

Thank you, Seal Press, for my review copy!

[Olga · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's not just about the rage a mother feels.

It's about how little we care about the most important people in our lives. Our mothers influence us in numerous ways. Yet the resources available to them, the lack of care we extend to them, is insulting.

That's why I recommend it to everyone. It taught me, a childless daughter, how much mothers do. How much unpaid work they do. How much is expected and demanded, around the clock.

Someone mentioned that they couldn’t recommend it because of "a depiction of throwing her toddler into his crib" but that highlights EXACTLY how skewed the perspective is.

No one asked how a mother could get to that point where she could do such a thing. The perspective went back to the child when this book is meant to highlight how, in abandoning our mothers, it impacts all of us.

Everyone could learn something from this. But more importantly, we can all learn how to appreciate how hard mothers work. And to quit giving them a title like "superhero" and instead, set up actual infrastructure to support them.

[Emily F. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclaimer: the author is a good friend of mine.

Holy cow did I love this book. I am not a mother and have no plans to have children of my own, but I still felt seen by this book; a lot of what the author describes within the pages regarding how little support mothers have is what has shaped my decision to not be a mother myself. She shares extremely vulnerably, and with deep wells of passion, wisdom, focus and clarity, about the difficulties of motherhood. She conducted a ton of research and interviews to bring in a wide variety of perspectives to the book, and within each chapter she delves into a different angle of what causes mom rage. The writing is simultaneously refreshing and sparking and pulls no punches.

Minna read the audiobook and did a great job; it's always a treat to hear an author's story in their own voice.

I want to pass a copy to every friend I have who is a mom, in the hopes of helping them feel seen and normalizing the very real hardships of mothering.

[Alicia (aliciasalwaysreading) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Genre: nonfiction
Content: severe language

This book was not for me. I read it for a prompt in a challenge my library is doing but I REEEEEALLY wanted to DNF.

There were a couple things that resonated with me— namely, that I’m not alone in having experienced rage at my children that seems to come out of nowhere. The chapter where the author invites us to sit down with our rage and ask questions of it was also a helpful strategy.

Basically, the book could’ve been the two pages in the appendix and the author could’ve spent less page time on the fact that she’s queer but in a hetero-appearing marriage. Unnecessary. It was a bit huge “F the patriarchy” love letter and that was not what I wanted to read.

[Signe · Rating 1 out of 5]

Offers a comprehensive summation of articles and studies on the state of american motherhood in the 21st century, spliced with a memoir of a white middle class mom (clearly abusing… but trying not to… but still) abusing her son. Raising neurodivergent kids in a post-covid world is a crazy-making, near impossible task - I know from personal experience - yet no form of child abuse should be condoned, no matter how you dress it up. I am honestly surprised this work was published.

[Angela Eilers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I read this book 16.5 years ago. Part commentary on how society fails mothers and part confessions of an author admitting what we have all felt in our parenting journey. I related to this on so many levels at one point being so taken back by my emotional response. My key takeaway, in all the times we moms second guess ourselves,
“The kids will be fine….you are a good mom”

[Anna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nothing says “this book has nothing to offer” like citing Amanda Palmer for some reason. I mean, there were other ways in which this book made me go “wtf” (*especially* how the author writes about her autistic kid????) but approvingly citing a shitty person whose advice, as excerpted here, is based on transparent selfishness (make people like you by asking THEM for a favor! OKAY) is telling.

[Crystal]

DNF @ 13%

I found this book anxiety causing as a person raised in an angry home. It uses the language of feminism and system oppression to justify the emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse of children while never calling it abuse.

[Zara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uh, relatable.

[Hillary · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were moments when I wanted to scream at the author’s whining and bitterness (so tired of hearing other women overusing “the patriarchy” in their battles for empowerment — it’s off-putting and deafens the ears of those who maybe really NEED to read the book!). At points I also felt like I was reading her therapy diaries. But then she would spout out something mind-blowing that made me want to be her BFF, and I have about 50 excerpts flagged in my copy of the book. I can’t say I agreed 100% with all of the commentary, and I found a couple chapters pretty boring, but many of the anecdotes were relatable, arguments were painstakingly well researched, and a lot of her observations about motherhood were pretty damn accurate. There’s a half generation between us (and our children), and our experiences weren’t quite the same, but I have to hand it to the author, she made a respectable case for necessary cultural changes, and for motherhood to be looked upon with a different shade of glasses.

[Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a sucker for any book that tells me that being an imperfect mother is okay.

I'm beginning to think that expectant moms should get books like this one and How to Keep House While Drowning instead of What to Expect When You're Expecting.

I appreciate the care that Minna Dubin took to represent all mothers - she has a rather extensive explanation for why she chose the words she uses, how she defines who is a mother, etc. - and her stories highlight the varied experiences of mothers while there remains an underlying connectivity.

I think probably the biggest issue with these types of books is that they are read by the mothers. They must be consumed by men, specifically men in powerful positions who can initiate changes to help mothers, in order to do any good. All the moms I know know when they are failing. They are acutely aware of their own inadequacies.

[Mol · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful read and makes moms (or parents) feel less alone in their rage. Motherhood is tough, and our country doesn't make the transition to it any easier. The final chapter about policy change, though ideal, seems so far away. Free childcare, postpartum care, etc. are lacking or non-existent in America and the mere mention of it seems like a fever dream.

I hope that regularly discussing mothers' overwhelm and what we can do reduce it will make an impact on our country and slowly change how mothers' invisible work is perceived and do something about it all!

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, I have a lot of feelings about this book. I have definitely had my own moments with mom rage and I think the book does an excellent job of illustrating Why women get angry when the bulk of child care and mothering falls to women. Who among us wouldn’t explode after a while??

That said, the author needs to do a far better job of walking away from her own children when she’s angry. Some of the behavior she describes in the book made me deeply uncomfortable and afraid for her children.

[Roberta Williams · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a mother of two grown men, I understand how hard it can be to raise children, but the venom described here was not relatable for me. While reading one depiction of throwing her toddler into his crib I hurt for that baby. Nope I can not emphasize with anyone here but the child. I would not recommend.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

It brought up some good critiques of the lack of support for modern parents.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for not only moms, but ALL parents!

[Becky Gallego · Rating 1 out of 5]

The abuse you inflict upon your children is the patriarchies fault. I barely made it through one chapter before it moved to my DNF category.

[Katie]

So…I’m leaving this unrated because my feelings about it are VERY mixed. I am not a mom (very much NOT by choice), but I am familiar with the mom rage of others, and with my own rage that I struggle with (I felt like I was on the verge of exploding through the whole Trump presidency). So I was interested to read this book, which is an expansion of this New York Times article where Minna Dubin discusses both her own mom rage and that of others.

What I think she gets right are a lot of the things that contribute to mom rage: societal expectations for mothers, the lack of a social safety net, how expensive everything related to parenthood is, the fact that fathers can be disappointing because the societal expectations for them are so different. She also correctly points out that the lack of sleep that comes with having young kids lowers your inhibitions and makes you rage-y, and several little things that add up can easily lead to explosive anger. And anxiety, both in general and the specific anxiety that comes with having to keep small humans alive, also plays a role. I also largely agree with her suggestions about how to mitigate the effects of mom rage once it’s started.

But there are a lot of other things about the book I struggle with. Merve Emre from The New Yorker, who’s also a mom of young kids, panned this book, saying that the book failed to “universalize” the experience of mom rage. And I do agree with that. One thing that Minna and many of the other moms she interviewed have in common is something that makes parenting particularly hard for them. Minna’s son, for instance, is on the autism spectrum and has sensory processing disorder. Some of the other moms are parenting in circumstances like raising kids who were adopted from foster care and have PTSD, or having a kid with ADHD, or being a single mom, or having to take care of parents or in-laws as well as children. But a lot of the anecdotes she shared made me wonder things like, what am I missing here? Why did you choose to live in the ultra-expensive Bay Area? What led you to choose the preschool that became such a horrible fit for your son? Had you not spent much time around kids before you had them? Did you always want kids, or did you only have them because you felt like you should? How often do your in-laws, who live twenty minutes away, baby-sit? Are your kids going to be okay reading this book when they’re older? Are there behaviors on your part that you’re deliberately NOT sharing because you’re afraid they’ll make you look even worse? Are you SURE your apologies when you do lose it will prevent lasting harm to your kids? Why does your husband so often think it’s okay to undermine something you’ve just said to your kids? One example she gives is talking about how she could never let her guard down at the playground because her daughter would often try to wander off. But then a couple of paragraphs later she mentions that it’s only recently, with her kids at ages nine and five, that she feels like she can relax at the playground. And that just made me go…wait a minute. So you thought your daughter wouldn’t wander off when she was under age five? How exactly are you expecting little kids to behave? And even with a lot of the examples of her son’s frustrating behavior, I just thought, plenty of neurotypical kids do things like this, too.

Again, I am not a mom. But I actually find it much easier to understand, empathize with, and forgive the behavior of young kids than any poor adult behavior. It’s also interesting that just about every example is from a mom of young kids, and it’s just kind of taken for granted that parenting older kids will be easier. Frankly, though, I love babies, toddlers, and young kids but can’t stand teens and tweens, and that’s when I can imagine mom rage taking over for me, if I ever get there. And I think another thing that she doesn’t state outright but that Merve Emre notes in that New Yorker piece is that she mourns the freedom that she had before kids and the way kids have subsumed her identity. “Grief for the future” is how Emre puts it.

There’s an appendix with suggestions about alleviating rage, identifying rage triggers, and what the other parent can do to help. I wish, though, that there were more suggestions about how to PREVENT mom rage. Obviously you can’t anticipate every challenge, but there are a lot of things you can plan for, advice you can try, conversations you can have with your co-parent. The book needs more of that.

One last thing that bugged the hell out of me, although this is very me-specific: STOP CALLING YOUR HUSBAND YOUR “PARTNER.” Good Lord. I hate the word “partner” when it’s used to describe a romantic relationship, but I at least get why people use it when they’re in a long-term relationship that’s not a legal marriage (and even then, you can say “significant other” or “s.o.”). If you’re actually married, just say “husband” or “spouse,” for God’s sake.

So- kids are often frustrating, I get it. But they’re awesome, too, and I do hope any mom experiencing this kind of rage eventually finds that the awesome wins out.

[Courtney Hayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is such an important read! There were parts I couldn’t relate to for various reasons but also parts where I felt so seen. There were parts I disagreed with as well but there were many topics I appreciated exploring further. I didn’t relate to some of the ideas I would consider more “feminist” views but I still like to consider them. It definitely doesn’t have any religious, Biblical insight so don’t expect that. It’s also important to remember that not all rage is directed towards the children. I am a much more impatient driver since having kids! It has inspired me to step up and show up more for the moms in my community. It truly takes a village and many of us don’t have it. Just reading the struggles that moms face from birth, to postpartum care, to balancing life, the mental load and all the nonstop labor that is required of us (most with no pay-something that stuck with me is how so many roles moms take on, such as the PTO, involve a lot of free labor and no pay). I loved reading ideas on how to better support mothers and what other countries do. I felt it talked about marginalized groups much more than ones that aren’t, so while I couldn’t really relate, I’m glad they were given a voice. The thing I took most from it is if you want to make a friend, ask them a favor ❤️ I know some felt the topics were triggering but I think it’s something that must be talked about and explored, and I’m glad that it is. People are criticizing the author for writing about her rage, but I think it’s better to put it out there in the world to examine it/fix it, rather than hide it. It adds a level of accountability and ownership that is needed for behaviors that need changing. I find it ironic that people are calling her whiny…which proves many of her points on how mothers are expected to behave.

[A. N. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. Some aspects are interesting and helpful- such as details/ research on why mothers rage and especially the information on matresence. However, I felt the author was complaining so much about simply being a mom (an extremely entitled mom!) and this was her choice (twice)! It also seemed like a lot of the issues she had with her kids came from a lack of direct care from their actual parents and detachment issues from outside care too early and too often. Her solution of free child care at all ages is great and vital when necessary especially for single, working mothers that don’t have a choice. But should not be a go-to plan for mothers that simply never want to spend time with their kids and still focus primarily on themselves. Who is putting these kids first? Being a mother is a gift but also the biggest decision one can ever make in life. People need to make this choice with eyes wide open. Not every woman needs to be a mother, this is a decision that should never be made lightly or naively. And yes, it should derail your life and priorities.

Also zero native peoples interviewed, a major oversight while claiming to be inclusive. Especially since traditionally most parent much more as a community.

Instead focusing on paid family leave and better heath care for mothers. Free access to all birth control is a great plan but seems impossible in America’s unfortunate political climate.

Despite the fact that this book written from a very entitled perspective from someone that probably at their core didn’t want to be a mother- there is still value is some parts of it. Plus beneficial for continuing important conversations.

Happy parenting!

[Elizabeth Burton, LCSW, PMH-C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anger points to what we value, can be a great source of energy & when directed in a healthy manner can bring about necessary change. Minna Dubin demonstrates throughout her text how valid mom rage is. While not a clinical term, it’s very prevalent in the perinatal mental health world and isn’t something that we need to fear or stigmatize; rather, seek to understand. As a woman, therapist and social worker, I appreciated the overview and discussion of 1) the lack of women’s health research and studies until the 1980s-now, 2) the historical maternal and caregiver policies throughout history and across nations, and 3) the discrepancy in reproductive and domestic work being gravely undervalued in a patriarchal society to which it’s ripple effects are insurmountable. Minna does a fantastic job with a call to action for equity and advocacy. Highly recommend!

[Amy Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book is incredibly important! I’m so glad I read it. The author’s thoughts on experiencing and dealing with rage in motherhood gave me a lot of to think about. I didn’t always agree with everything the author and other people said and did, but it made me think, and it made me feel seen in a way that felt really meaningful at this point in my life. It made me want to think more critically about myself and my life and my own feelings in a way that felt productive and helpful and not intimidating.
Full disclosure, if you have a hard time accepting that a mother’s rage might be caused (at least in part) by the capitalist patriarchy, this book may not be for you. I do wish it had a bit more to say about mothers who stay at home, but really it was great, and I’d definitely recommend it!

[Stephanie A · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Appropriate that the first draft of my review was deleted when my toddler smacked my phone. Really well researched and written. Women’s anger, let alone mom’s anger, is rarely discussed except to tell it to be quiet, you love your kids, so you can’t be mad. Appreciated how this book invited moms to learn about their anger and find out how to meet their needs better so anger doesn’t build. I didn’t like how it felt divided in focus between the social problem of mom rage and practical application at the micro level. Perhaps they both needed to be addressed but it felt like I didn’t know whether I was reading a self-help book or a discussion of the social issue.