Inconceivable: Heartbreak, Bad Dates and Finding Solo Motherhood

by Alexandra Collier

Written with warmth, intelligence and humour, Alexandra Collier's inspiring memoir takes us on the wild ride of becoming a mother on your own terms.

'An inspiring and necessary book that challenges the narratives we set for our lives and reveals the beauty beyond them' CLEMENTINE FORD

Alexandra Collier was a writer living in a light-filled Brooklyn brownstone in New York with the man she loved. But when she woke up to a ravenous hunger to have a baby that her partner didn't share, her life took a sharp turn.

She found herself back in Melbourne at 37, single, heartbroken and living with her parents.

Ally began dating with dedication, with sometimes hilarious and often soul-crushing results. Like many 30-something single women, though, she found that her reproductive timeline was rapidly outpacing her romantic life. So she began to explore a controversial option: conceiving a baby with donor sperm.

Insightful, moving and relatable, this is an uplifting memoir about taking hold of your own future.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Autobiography

300 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 29, 2023

Reviews

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 …. I did enjoy this book however it was a little repetitive and needed some tightening

[Liz Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being about to embark into solo motherhood myself I found this a really engaging read with lots of insights into the history of assisted reproduction in Australia, and the processes involved. The author really articulates the complicated thought process and issues related to dealing with social conventions. While I am glad to have the support from my family, it really made me feel strongly for her journey and made me think about my own. A very compelling read I would recommend to anyone who is considering it themselves or wants to challenge their own deeply ingrained beliefs about motherhood.

[M B · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir was very interesting to read as someone who cannot at all relate to Alexandra’s feelings. A few times it seemed like the book didn’t really know which genre it wanted to be and therefore felt like it’s lacking cohesion. Some points felt rushed or felt like they were worth exploring but weren’t picked up. Overall this was a great and quick read.

One thing bugged me though: on the one hand it seems like the author thinks men whose female partner want a baby should give in to that even though they might not themselves want children, on the other hand this book heavily critisises absent dads or fathers not doing their share of the work. While I get the second part I am unsure why the first one is mentioned multiple times without much reflection. Being a parent is a big responsibility and nobody should do it if they don’t at least 85% want to.

[KATE WINDON · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest, funny and important memoir that shines a light on solo motherhood by choice and so much more. Ally’s writing has an ease which makes it so digestible and enjoyable, even when dealing with complex content.

This book examines the pressures, lenses and assumptions society puts on women and those we put on ourselves. This is such a rich commentary on gender, relationships, roles, assumptions and bodies but never comes across as instructive or imposing. Inconceivable is a genuinely fun read.

Thank you for writing so honestly about the world of solo motherhood by choice Ally - it’s a wild and wonderful ride and you’ve captured it so well.

[Laura Parr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book. Alex' solo motherhood story is honest, authentic, vulnerable, insightful and informative. It challenges our somewhat rigid narratives about our family lives and parenting expectations. What's considered normal and default, and what happens when we're confronted with a different path and direction.

A brilliant line in the final chapter: "The blessing of a mother loving the child of her child." This is so true and resonated with me. Inconceivable is a beautiful book - a wonderful and hopeful story. Thank you for writing this and sharing your journey.

[Isabelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Why did I need to be dating someone? Why was love, a relationship, such an emblem of success? How was it that we so easily skipped past the domestic and emotional load that women carried in straight relationships and instead deemed that the partnered women were love's winners? What if I embraced the radical idea that being single was not just something that must be borne but was often far better than exhausting myself taking care of a man?"

[Jenny Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inconceivable was the best book I’ve read in years — couldn’t put it down! Ally is such a talented writer and storyteller. Thanks so much for buying me a copy and sending it over (Paris)

Above is from my daughter...

I too just loved Ally's writing: what a way with words she has! And ...I'm privileged to be in her life as an occasional nanny to her precious son, Quinn and sometimes in a PA capacity.

[Ashley Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful, inspiring and with the perfect pop of humour, I absolutely loved this book. Having embarked on one of the bravest and no doubt difficult decisions to pursue parenthood alone, Alexandra Collier describes with visceral detail the realities of solo motherhood, the isolation of having a child during the pandemic and the incredibly heartwarming way a child has the power to bring a family together. Would definitely recommend!

[Susannah PK · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book.

I think Alexandra Collier has written a wonderful book. Her journey of single parenthood is equal parts fascinating and beautiful.

It was lovely to read about the glorious, unconditional love that Collier has for her baby and all the challenges that come with deciding to go down the solo parenting path.

The book was so well written and descriptive, I couldn't put it down.

I really look forward to reading another book by this very talented author.

[Constance Sideways · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest, uplifting, realistic and determined. A clear and open account of the choice to have a child without a partner and the decision to push forward despite societal, familial and the natural internal questioning. I’d call it brave, but more so than that this book is deeply necessary for all women who are questioning the norm and daring to listen to their instincts over all the noise.

[Cass · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved loved loved this! <3
I may have to buy a copy for myself, there were so many aspects that I could relate to. The author is like a shining guiding light, a reminder that no matter what happens it will somehow work out. Perhaps not in the way that one expected to, and that's okay.
This was such an engrossing read, I devoured it in only a couple of days.

[Lisa Fraumano-Braddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

First on my Easter holiday reading list - this is an important voice in the changing landscape of motherhood. A relatable and funny exploration of family dynamics and the pressures of balancing being true to yourself against ingrained and social expectations.

[Susie Cartledge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ally eloquently documents many of the thoughts & experiences you have on this journey in addition to challenging the traditional societal lens of what family and success means. Loved it. Devoured it. Highlighted many passages.

[sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most charming, beautiful and real book I’ve read in a while. I found the writing simply gripping and realistic, and reflected so many truisms of the middle aged female journey. Could not put it down - and will recommend to many.

[Lauren P · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fabulous, I couldn’t put it down. It’s beautifully written and will make you laugh and cry. Five stars from me.

[Edi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a beautifully written memoir. I couldn’t put it down. Thank you for sharing your story with such grace, love and honesty x

[Vivian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Achingly beautiful in its honesty. An engrossing autobiography.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Collier is a great writer and this book was a pleasure to read.

[Zoe Kent · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book. Funny and moving. I learnt so much reading it.

[Shelley Cooper-White · Rating 3 out of 5]

Under no circumstances should you read this book if you just broke up with your long term partner

[Gaby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Couldn't put this book down, which I haven't been able to say in a long time. I hope the author writes more books for me to devour!

[Hayley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every woman needs to read this!! Such important messages about society and also just a great (and real life!) story

[Ayesha Inoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart warming, funny and thought provoking - a book that beautifully navigates what it means to choose an unconventional life.

[Alanah Curran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Is well written and a well told story

[Natalie Hanlon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This a great book. For someone who has thought about solo parenting for a few years, this is the type of book I needed to read. Related to it so so much. So well written, funny and warm.

[Anna Davidson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A compelling read about a woman on life path that differs to societal expectations surrounding motherhood and family life.

[g Rolly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inconceivable is the best book I’ve read in 2023. I couldn’t put it down. In her book, Alexandra Collier takes you on a wild ride through her relationships, dating, family, friends, work and life from New York to Melbourne. If you are a single mother by choice or want to be or are already a mother or want to be - you will probably find many things very relatable in this book - whether those things make you cry or laugh or both simultaneously. The world is a better place for having this book in it. Thank you for sharing your story, Ally!!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A poignant and witty memoir that articulates so beautifully a woman’s unwavering desire to be a mother. Inconceivable visits with unabashed honesty both the internal and external world of the author as she navigates realising her dream in a truly entertaining read about her journey into solo motherhood. As a solo mum by choice this book resonated with me on almost every page. But solo mother or not, it’s a great story about the beginning of a modern family.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really hit home for me, all the same feelings etc. Alexandra was still lucky though, the first time she tried it all worked, so she can't really relate to women who have experienced loss and the endless hurdle of to keep going and going. Quite an honest story, about her family but in the end it all worked out and she is going well. This topic is a lot more accepted now than it was 5-10 years but there are still challenges. It's not an easy journey by any means and you have to come to terms with 'the loss' and grieve through getting to this stage. Overall, a good book on someone's perspective.

[howsoonisnow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Collier exposes the tender underbelly of the SMBC, to reveal the complex, difficult emotions that's hard to admit to oneself, let alone others, because of just how embarrassing and humiliating it feels: the guilt, fear, envy and all-consuming desperation of trying to outrun the biological clock. Collier is candid, uncomfortably so. For instance, her self-abasing attempt to edge her way into a gay friend's family, by asking the couple (new surrogate-baby parents), if their daughter "would like a sibling" (um no, three's a crowd!). This exposed how fearful and reluctant she was to parent alone; but how compelled she ultimately felt to bite the bullet, due to her overwhelming baby-hunger. Particularly interesting, was her mother's hostile reactions to her plans. Their prickly relationship speaks to anyone who has ever felt like a disappointment or confoundment to their Type A parents. One could almost read her mother's subtext: "Why is adulting so hard for you? It came so easily to me. I'm a successful married doctor with three kids!" A great read. One of the few (only?) SBMC memoirs that is truly, uncomfortably and unapologetically, raw, honest, chaotic, upfront.