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I [Athena]
When Athena was a young girl in the 60s, she lost her hearing to a childhood fever but was misdiagnosed as "profoundly retarded" and institutionalized for thirty years. Now she's out of the institution, awkward and bookish, and learning to integrate with mainstream society where nothing works quite like she thinks it should. Athena researches her past, trying to understand why she was institutionalized in the first place and why the people looking after her made such a huge mistake. At the same time, she tries to find a way to live with the man who was her lover in the institution, uncovering all sorts of surprises along the way.
Funny, tough, and serious-minded, Ruth DyckFehderau's I (Athena) recalls the work of Barbara Gowdy and Elizabeth Strout.
Funny, tough, and serious-minded, Ruth DyckFehderau's I (Athena) recalls the work of Barbara Gowdy and Elizabeth Strout.
343 pages, Paperback
Published April 1, 2023
67 people want to read
About the author
Ruth DyckFehderau
27 books1 followerRuth DyckFehderau grew up on a farm in Southern Ontario. She holds degrees from Universities of Alberta (’01 PhD, '95 MA) and Winnipeg (’91 BA). She has lived in many places and has travelled widely. These days, she is writing nonfiction books with the James Bay Cree of Northern Quebec, and she sometimes teaches Creative Writing and English Lit at the University of Alberta where she is an Adjunct Professor. She does quite a bit of public speaking, has published many short works in literary journals and anthologies, and has received awards for writing, for teaching, and for activism. She lives in Edmonton with her partner. She is hearing-impaired.
Ruth has written three books. I (Athena) was released by NeWest Press in April, 2023. E nâtamukw miyeyimuwin: Residential School Recovery Stories of the James Bay Cree, Volume One, nonfiction, written with James Bay Cree storytellers, was released in March, 2023. The Sweet Bloods of Eeyou Istchee: Stories of Diabetes and the James Bay Cree (2017), nonfiction, also written with James Bay Cree storytellers, is now in Second Edition (2020) and is being translated into Northern East Cree, Southern East Cree, Ojibwe, French, and excerpts into Chinese.
Ruth has written three books. I (Athena) was released by NeWest Press in April, 2023. E nâtamukw miyeyimuwin: Residential School Recovery Stories of the James Bay Cree, Volume One, nonfiction, written with James Bay Cree storytellers, was released in March, 2023. The Sweet Bloods of Eeyou Istchee: Stories of Diabetes and the James Bay Cree (2017), nonfiction, also written with James Bay Cree storytellers, is now in Second Edition (2020) and is being translated into Northern East Cree, Southern East Cree, Ojibwe, French, and excerpts into Chinese.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
August 13, 2023
I really loved this. For my birthday last month, I was treated to a day of bookstores. A list was made of stores I hadn’t visited yet and I found this treasure at the first of the stores we visited. I was the only one of the bunch that is an obsessive lover and collector of books but all of us were completely entranced with the Glass Bookshop.
Though not a big store it was filled with many beautifully curated books and all of us bought something. There was a huge display table full of beautiful books and I was immediately drawn to I Athena. The cover was stunning, but the book being about a woman, who as a child had been misdiagnosed as “profoundly retarded” when in fact she had been made deaf and mute by a fever, immediately captured my attention. I was also pleased to find it was written by an author that was a local (in fact this bookshop had many books by local authors and I took a few home with me)
This book was so beautifully written. Athena’s voice is written with a rich depth and heart and I am going to miss her now that I’m finished the book. I thought the settings throughout the book very well written and the author is obviously very knowledgeable on the topic. I have a brother who is disabled intellectually and his disability began in the early sixties and so this book and Athena’s quest to just be herself resonated deeply for me. My brother and I lived with terrible abuse and consequently we bonded in a way that no other member of the family could. For a while it was just he and I against what felt like an overwhelmingly terrifying world and we clung to each other. We had our own way of communicating and playing and I always knew and understood when he was unhappy or suffering and I also knew how to help him through it. I have not seen my brother in over twenty years. My father keeps us apart and my brother has no agency, no rights and no voice in which to advocate for his wishes, and I have no rights either. So this book resonated on a very personal level for me.
I appreciated how well the author had shown the transition from institutions to group homes and how much things have changed, and how much things still need to change, and how complex the issue can be between care and agency for those with intellectual disabilities.
This book is going to be with me for a long while and may in fact be one of my favourites for the year. My only quibble is sometimes I wondered how Athena could be so intellectually advanced and articulate given her situation, though it is explained later in the book, in the early chapters, I was wondering how this fabulous articulate voice was possible. Perhaps having a little experience and even having dated a deaf boy and had taken sign language courses made it difficult in the beginning to suspend my disbelief and it took me out of the story sometimes. But, that is a very minor quibble. The book was amazing and a definite contender for best of the year for me.
Though not a big store it was filled with many beautifully curated books and all of us bought something. There was a huge display table full of beautiful books and I was immediately drawn to I Athena. The cover was stunning, but the book being about a woman, who as a child had been misdiagnosed as “profoundly retarded” when in fact she had been made deaf and mute by a fever, immediately captured my attention. I was also pleased to find it was written by an author that was a local (in fact this bookshop had many books by local authors and I took a few home with me)
This book was so beautifully written. Athena’s voice is written with a rich depth and heart and I am going to miss her now that I’m finished the book. I thought the settings throughout the book very well written and the author is obviously very knowledgeable on the topic. I have a brother who is disabled intellectually and his disability began in the early sixties and so this book and Athena’s quest to just be herself resonated deeply for me. My brother and I lived with terrible abuse and consequently we bonded in a way that no other member of the family could. For a while it was just he and I against what felt like an overwhelmingly terrifying world and we clung to each other. We had our own way of communicating and playing and I always knew and understood when he was unhappy or suffering and I also knew how to help him through it. I have not seen my brother in over twenty years. My father keeps us apart and my brother has no agency, no rights and no voice in which to advocate for his wishes, and I have no rights either. So this book resonated on a very personal level for me.
I appreciated how well the author had shown the transition from institutions to group homes and how much things have changed, and how much things still need to change, and how complex the issue can be between care and agency for those with intellectual disabilities.
This book is going to be with me for a long while and may in fact be one of my favourites for the year. My only quibble is sometimes I wondered how Athena could be so intellectually advanced and articulate given her situation, though it is explained later in the book, in the early chapters, I was wondering how this fabulous articulate voice was possible. Perhaps having a little experience and even having dated a deaf boy and had taken sign language courses made it difficult in the beginning to suspend my disbelief and it took me out of the story sometimes. But, that is a very minor quibble. The book was amazing and a definite contender for best of the year for me.
January 10, 2025
Wow what a book. The narratives between past and present, Athena and the System are crafted so well that the story unfolds with a powerful sense of balance and pacing. Throughout this book my heartstrings were tugged at, there were moments of outrage and disgust, but more than anything I felt for Athena and the cast of characters who didn’t do enough to get to know her. I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone interested in novels regarding mental health, disability justice, and identity.
July 21, 2024
A thought-provoking, heart-wrenching read, especially with me being a mother and an RN. I was not expecting a novel I randomly picked up to profoundly change the way I view some of the residents where I work but man has this one ever. Will be thinking about this for a long time, I'm sure
August 1, 2024
Ruth DyckFehderau’s I (Athena) is one of the most compelling mysteries I have read and an experience that radically challenged my own ableist perceptions. I can’t recommend this book to enough people.
The novel takes the form of archival material, letters, diary entries and Athena’s reflections all part of her search to understand her specific whodunnit, only here the question is who were these people when they inflicted this trauma on her and what do those answers mean for her own search for herself. Along the way, Athena’s research and writing seek to understand the father who placed her in an institution when she was four and then the series of “caregivers” who misdiagnosed and mistreated her.
Through Athena’s search to understand, to find herself in a medicalized history, we experience her struggle for compassion, understanding, but also the pain of trying to understand those who did so much harm. Athena seems to believe if she can find good enough reasons for what people in her past did to her she can hold onto the belief that people are generally good.
Along the way we see how systems and efficiencies whittle down care and existence, how the most cost-effective and convenient care means the enslavement and regulation of the body and the person. Athena notes at a crucial juncture when her care workers finally start to understand her and see her instead of the misdiagnosis, that they suddenly ask her what she wants for dinner and trust that she is putting as much sugar in her coffee as she likes. Before this they did not see her as a person.
And maybe it’s less these mysteries of the past that drive this and more the awe of Athena’s spirit, as she constantly seeks to alter the crushing world she lives in, as she finds sounds, tastes, adventure, and how she even finds kindness in people. DyckFehderua’s debut novel is both a deeply compelling mystery but also one of those books that irrevocably alters the way you see the world.
The novel takes the form of archival material, letters, diary entries and Athena’s reflections all part of her search to understand her specific whodunnit, only here the question is who were these people when they inflicted this trauma on her and what do those answers mean for her own search for herself. Along the way, Athena’s research and writing seek to understand the father who placed her in an institution when she was four and then the series of “caregivers” who misdiagnosed and mistreated her.
Through Athena’s search to understand, to find herself in a medicalized history, we experience her struggle for compassion, understanding, but also the pain of trying to understand those who did so much harm. Athena seems to believe if she can find good enough reasons for what people in her past did to her she can hold onto the belief that people are generally good.
Along the way we see how systems and efficiencies whittle down care and existence, how the most cost-effective and convenient care means the enslavement and regulation of the body and the person. Athena notes at a crucial juncture when her care workers finally start to understand her and see her instead of the misdiagnosis, that they suddenly ask her what she wants for dinner and trust that she is putting as much sugar in her coffee as she likes. Before this they did not see her as a person.
And maybe it’s less these mysteries of the past that drive this and more the awe of Athena’s spirit, as she constantly seeks to alter the crushing world she lives in, as she finds sounds, tastes, adventure, and how she even finds kindness in people. DyckFehderua’s debut novel is both a deeply compelling mystery but also one of those books that irrevocably alters the way you see the world.
May 18, 2023
This novel will stay with me for some time. Such a moving portrayal of tragedy and resilience and forgiveness. Historical fiction at its best shows us the thought process of characters and why they do the things they do. It also highlights the “norms” of a time period. The medical system often misdiagnosed and/or misunderstood people with developmental disabilities, and the “norm” of institutionalizing them remains difficult to read about. Readers will root for Verity/Athena and the novel’s cast of characters. A profoundly human book.
March 19, 2023
Review to come
January 8, 2024
I purchased this novel at a book market in September and was so impressed by all the author had to say during a panel discussion. From sharing her inspiration for writing the story of Athena to encouraging local writers, Ruth DyckFehderau is truly a class act.
The story drew me in right from the beginning and has an exceptional layout of characters and timeline. The in-depth research the author has done for this novel lends to its authenticity.
The story drew me in right from the beginning and has an exceptional layout of characters and timeline. The in-depth research the author has done for this novel lends to its authenticity.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews