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Healthy Conflict, Happy Couple: How to Let Go of Blame and Grow Stronger Together

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Stop fighting with each other and start fighting for your relationship. This unique guide uncovers the science of conflict to help you let go of blame, and reignite intimacy and joy.   Are you constantly arguing with your partner about every little thing? Do you feel like you are on completely different pages when it comes to finances, future plans, or parenting? Most couples fight from time to time, but if fighting is starting to wear at your relationship, you may need a new method for conflict resolution. This empowering guide can help you find the peace, happiness, and intimacy you seek—all while growing stronger together as a couple. In Healthy Conflict, Happy Couple , relationship expert Lisa Gray breaks down the neuroscience of conflict, examines family of origin learnings —beliefs, attitudes, or habits we learn in childhood from our own parents—and provides practical methods which can be employed in any situation to help you put an end to unproductive arguments. You’ll also find evidence-based communication, mindfulness, and cognition skills to help you stay calm, work through disagreements, and come to a peaceful resolution—even when your emotions are running high. With this step-by-step guide, you’ll

184 pages, Paperback

Published August 1, 2023

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Lisa Gray

2 books19 followers

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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
Profile Image for Lisa Gray.
Author 2 books19 followers
July 3, 2023
I wrote this book! I sincerely hope that it is helpful in your quest to have productive conflict in your relationships.
Profile Image for Read-n-Bloom.
415 reviews9 followers
September 2, 2023
Title: Healthy Conflict, Happy Couple
Author: Lisa Gray
Genre: Self Help for Married Couples
Narrator: First Person
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Loved this book! I love good self help books. And this one is really good. It’s written by a therapist who helps married couples try to find healthy conflict in their relationship so they can work through things together and not just hang on to a branch dangling in your marriage. She has many good ways to do that but te couples have to be willing to do the work. And she can almost 💯 percent guarantee you that if you do do the work that it will help your marriage. And we all need help pretty much, right? It can help in other relationships too and even if you’re doing it on your own! Get this book. It’s a must read!
Thank you to #NetGalley,, the publishers, and author for the opportunity to read and review #HealthyConflictHappyCouple with my honest thoughts and opinions.
Profile Image for Lisa Herrington.
1 review
July 29, 2023
I’ve always believed it’s best to avoid conflict. The idea that done well it’s healthy, and can even improve relationships has challenged some core beliefs. The author has challenged me to be open and curious to new ideas and possibilities. She includes relatable examples and offers solutions that help guide the reader to new ways of personal application. If you want to improve how you communicate in a way that leads to feeling seen and heard, then this is well worth the read! Lisa guides you toward a path that will strengthen your relationship as you learn how to resolve conflict in a good way!
1 review
August 3, 2023
Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship but I think most of us are unprepared for how to manage it.

This book normalizes that conflict does occur between people who care about one another but also that it is common and expected. I found this information to be very useful as in my family of origin, we were taught that conflict was scary and to be avoided at all cost. However, the costs of avoiding conflict resolution conversations often turned out to be significant. In this book, Lisa gives practical real-life examples and teaches skills that help make the idea of facing conflict head-on achievable.

One thing that differentiates this book from others that I have read is the fact that Lisa chose to present her useful suggestions free from any religious preferences. Due to this, this information is available to a range view of viewpoints.

I also benefited from this book on a professional level. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I find this guide to be an excellent resource that I can recommend to couples who are seeking effective skills to manage conflict.

Highly Recommend.
Profile Image for ML Russak.
43 reviews
February 1, 2025
I was raised without any guidance on conflict. This book helped me SO much. I can identify what my tendencies are and I love the concrete guidance in ways to approach and respond more healthfully in conflict. Conflict is an inherent part of life and we are all better served knowing healthy ways to deal with it!
Profile Image for Vlad GURDIGA.
62 reviews4 followers
August 19, 2024
Straightforward and sane advice for managing relationships

In the beginning it stroke me as kind of too simple to be useful in the Real Life®, but the more I went into it, the more I saw it’s value. And the simplicity turned out to be more of a feature than a weakness. It’s worth the time.
Profile Image for Sheryl Maupin.
121 reviews10 followers
June 18, 2023
Better than average book on marriage and conflict. I like the charts and the break up of the content. And I super happy we have a book base in research instead of scripture.
Profile Image for Kelly Pramberger.
Author 13 books61 followers
May 28, 2023
Such a realistic approach to dealing with conflict in a variety of ways with your spouse. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. I plan to put to use what I learned. Five stars!
Profile Image for WickedReads221b.
59 reviews1 follower
June 23, 2023
Thanks NetGalley for the eARC!

This will be such a helpful tool for anyone who needs assistance with conflict/resolution. It is also not religious either, which was a huge plus for me.
Profile Image for Markie.
474 reviews34 followers
July 3, 2023
Lisa Gray's book, "Healthy Conflict, Happy Couple," is an excellent read for couples experiencing constant arguments that negatively affect their relationship. Gray explains the neuroscience of conflict and how family upbringing can contribute to unproductive arguments. She provides practical techniques that can be applied in any situation, helping couples find peace, happiness, and intimacy. Gray emphasizes evidence-based communication, mindfulness, and cognitive skills, equipping readers with powerful tools to navigate conflict and reach a peaceful resolution. Her focus on fostering creative problem-solving skills sets this book apart from traditional conflict resolution methods, making it an indispensable resource for couples seeking to fortify their relationship.
467 reviews32 followers
October 12, 2023
"Healthy Conflict, Happy Couple: How to Let Go of Blame and Grow Stronger Together" by Lisa Gray LMFT is a beacon of light for those navigating the often tumultuous waters of conflict within relationships. This book offers an enlightening perspective on the neuroscience of conflict and the importance of understanding one's own conflict styles. The author, Lisa Gray, skillfully guides readers through a journey of self-awareness, providing practical methods and exercises that can be employed to transform conflicts into opportunities for growth and intimacy.

In this transformative guide, Gray's approach is both comprehensive and relatable. The book is a toolbox of communication skills, mindfulness techniques, and cognitive insights to help individuals manage conflicts effectively, even amidst heightened emotions. One of the standout features of the book is the utilization of concrete examples and relatable metaphors, making the content easily understandable and applicable.

The author's honesty and encouragement for self-improvement, even when a partner is unresponsive to change, is empowering. The roadmap for handling conflicts, as presented by Gray, is not only beneficial for couples but also for a wide range of relationships. The practicality of the book makes it a valuable resource for therapists and individuals alike, offering a pathway to bettering oneself and fostering stronger connections with others.

"Healthy Conflict, Happy Couple" is a vital read for anyone seeking to navigate conflicts within relationships with a renewed mindset, paving the way for enhanced communication, understanding, and a happier, more connected bond. Lisa Gray LMFT's approach is enlightening, empowering, and resonates deeply, making this book a must-read for those aiming to transform conflicts into opportunities for growth and happiness.
1 review
July 31, 2023
𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘵, 𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 is an informative, honest, and practical book that can be applied to many different kinds of relationships. Gray lays out a roadmap for conflict and takes her readers carefully through each step, offering activities along the way to get them involved. She also provides easy-to-understand psychoeducation about anger and the effects breathwork and mindfulness have on our stress responses. (Key idea: self-regulating takes practice! Make it part of your routine to feel the full benefits!).

Gray is also honest. Chances are, a good number of readers are going to be learning about conflict on their own while their partner/friend/family member is uninterested, too busy, or resistant to change. Gray encourages her readers that, even if this is the case, there is so much that we can change on our own that will benefit our relationships. At the very least, we can learn to live closer in line with our own values - which is actually a huge plus!

My favorite thing about this book is how practical it is. While the information is geared towards couples, the steps in Gray's roadmap for conflict are easily applicable to a wide variety of relationships and issues. As a therapist, I can see this book influencing many of my sessions with children and teens. Overall, highly recommend!
1 review
August 22, 2023
Don't just put this on your list, READ IT TODAY! Great read and a needed tool for everyone, especially if you don't like conflict! Plus, $20 is cheaper than paying for a full counseling session (but get professional counseling if you really need please!). Throughout the book Lisa explains everything very clearly, she uses a therapist's terminology but explains what's going on in the brain, emotions and relationship in practical words that are easy to understand. She solidifies the process using practical examples of conflicts and gives the opportunity for the reader to apply the lesson to themselves (even without a partner) if they want! This process works on bettering yourself without a partner, helping you grow individually AND in all relationships around you!
Understanding your partner's reactions and not assuming you know what they are thinking after "the honeymoon" stage of a relationship is very important and THIS BOOK WILL HELP you KEEP a strong relationship. If you are past "honeymoon" THIS BOOK WILL HELP you refresh your communication and reset solid building blocks to KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG.
Summary from Lisa's own words: "The attitude with which you view conflict will shape all of your conflicts [relationships!]... you now have a roadmap for handling any conflict that comes up" and bettering your relationships!
3 reviews
August 8, 2023
Fantastic read. Lisa does a wonderful job of outlining the importance of communication in a relationship and how to best work with one another to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews

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