The Silent Passage

by Gail Sheehy

Looks at menopause, discussing the disquieting approach the medical community takes to it and offering commentary by some of today's most notable post-menopausal women

Genres: Nonfiction, Health, Self Help, Womens, Psychology, Medicine, Feminism

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1992

About the author

Gail Sheehy is an American writer and lecturer, most notable for her books on life and the life cycle. She is also a contributor to the magazine Vanity Fair.

Her fifth book, Passages, has been called "a road map of adult life". Several of her books continue the theme of passages through life's stages, including menopause and what she calls "Second Adulthood", including Pathfinders, Spirit of Survival, and Menopause: The Silent Passage. Her latest book, Sex and the Seasoned Woman, reveals a hidden cultural phenomenon: a surge of vitality in women's sex and love lives after age fifty. She has also authored a biography of Hillary Rodham Clinton titled Hillary's Choice. Her novel Middletown, America is being adapted as a TV miniseries. (from Wikipedia)

Reviews

[Kimber · Rating 3 out of 5]

SILENT indeed. Outdated a little bit now, but a pioneer in its day. Women seem to go into perimenopause in a sort of haze of denial. "It can't happen to me." I was 39 when I was diagnosed, and this year at 43 (ONLY) has been quite traumatic. I mean no one prepares you for this stuff. I think we fully expect to turn 50 and Bam! Menopause! and it's done with...not always but I hear it sometimes happens for some fortunate souls....(How the middle aged women of "Real Housewives" party the way they do and rebound, I will never know.)

But what I can feel--is that this is the time in a woman's life of total empowerment. Sheehy calls it Second Adulthood, a "hormonal rewiring". I agree. But I call it becoming a New Woman. However difficult the process may be for some of us, it's transformative--a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. And I love butterflies.

[Graceann · Rating 5 out of 5]

About a year ago, I mentioned that I was feeling unwell, and specified how I was hurting. A good friend said "you know what? I think it's time you read The Silent Passage." As I become more "seasoned" the issues presented in The Silent Passage are becoming more relevant with every passing day, and I zipped through the informative pages very quickly.

Back when this book was released in the early 1990s, nobody wanted to talk about this completely natural event (not "disease") that every woman experiences if she's blessed to live into her 40s or 50s. Women didn't even speak among themselves about the changes they were going through, and doctors were (and, sadly, still are) largely condescending and useless when it comes to women's issues. Gail Sheehy shines a light on the confusing, conflicting data coming at women from all directions, and separates the wheat from the chaff in a no-nonsense, easy-to-understand manner.

There is a lot of talk about the grieving the end of the "joy of creating life" which, as a childfree woman, means nothing to me. I would have liked to read more from women who have never been pregnant regarding their symptoms. There are quite a lot of us, and it would have been nice to have been represented in the data.

A lot more options have become available in the decade since this book was last updated, and thankfully more has been written about the changing seasons. Given that, if we take care of ourselves, many of us still have half our lives to live after the Change, it's well worth knowing what we should expect, no? I'm grateful to Gail Sheehy for talking early on about something that so many are so foolishly eager to ignore, and even more grateful that in the years since this book came out, more women have become willing to discuss their experiences, so that those of us starting the journey don't have to feel so utterly alone.

I'm glad this book was around for me to read; I only wish my mother had had Gail Sheehy to explain what was happening to her. She suffered mercilessly and needlessly; The Silent Passage could have helped her be her own best advocate.

[Leslie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've read many books on menopause, but I'd read Sheehy's Passages, so I picked this one up at the free book exchange at the library. I didn't get very far into it before I flipped to the front to see what year it was published, 1995. We have learned a whole lot about having a healthy menopause since 1995.

I skim-read most of the book, if only to see how much attitudes and science have changed. I didn't finish it, I didn't want to spend the time, there are better books on menopause to read.

I did get one useful piece of information. Menopause takes almost a decade to go through completely. It is the equivalent of adolescence, a woman's body is undergoing a complete hormonal rewiring. Patience.

[Terry Bourbon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an investigative report on menopause circa 1993. It is an excellent chronicle of something that is a part of every woman's life, but to that date was absolutely a taboo subject. I find this shocking as someone who got married in 1990. I thought the women that preceded me, including my own mother and mother in law, would be much more well informed and able to pass on things to me to make it easier. It turns out they had no help, and were "taught" that it was a taboo subject. An excellent read, and worth the read. I just found out there is a new updated version, and that is on my list as well.

[Moon Captain · Rating 4 out of 5]

I guess I've been in the throes of perimenopause for about 4 years so far. Infuriating how this is the one thing that happens to 100% of women and has a very clear set of symptoms and yet doctors still bounce you around and tell you you must just be crazy. Even female doctors! Even naturopaths! Even the top tier female advanced gynecologists! Is having to fight your way through the medical gaslighting part of the journey to becoming a strong old woman?? I think we should cut that part out. Enough to contend with as everything you've worked at your whole life is ripped away from you.

please come join the perimenopause and menopause Reddit boards. you will learn a lot and find community. we know much more now than this book tells us. and HRT won't give you cancer. but good luck finding a doctor to prescribe it to you! :(

[Nancy Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book at a thrift store, and even though it was published 30 years ago, it didn't feel outdated. I now have a few more questions to ask my doctor the next time I see her.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reassured me that some of the symptoms I was having of menopause were NORMAL. It was not coincidental (I don't believe in coincidences) that I opened it up to the chapter entitled, Where is My Memory, for that has been a real struggle for me during this passage. I'm glad there are books like this to shed light on things that can seem frightening and mysterious in women's lives.

[Cheri · Rating 3 out of 5]

I know this book is outdated in some of the medical thinking, but I still found it an interesting read. A bit repetitive thought and it was missing more of the "what to expect" and "treatment options" that I had hoped to find.

[Barb Lawrence · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was disappointed in this. At times it was too text book, and at other times it was too over-written philosophizing.

[Rebekah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like to be prepared for what's coming next, but it doesn't help when the info. is so dated. I've gotten more out of magazines in a doctor's office.

[farmwifetwo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Since I am "of an age" I have been reading quite a bit about the joys of being "way too close to 50".

The biggest complaint in other reviews is "this book is dated". Yes, I read the 1991 version first and just finished it and the updated one arrived a few minutes ago so I will see what is new... but truth is.. for all my reading.. NOTHING has changed in nearly 30 years. Well, the ladies she mentions were the stars when I was a teen but the information unfortunately, has not changed. The discussion I have with the locum a few weeks ago and the results that I have decided to ignore for now, (I see my Dr in a few weeks she's back from mat leave), was as vague as is discussed in the 1991 book.

You pretty much have 3 choices, mood altering drugs, hormones or "suck it up". Then there's the pro's and con's... maybe breast cancer with hormones.. but much higher risk of osteoporosis and heart disease without. Then there's the whole mood and body changes. Nobody is exempt, so, lots to think about.

My recommendation, give it a read, old or new or both, and keep reading other books/articles and taking notes. It's the only way to make the correct decisions for you and know what to tell or ask your Dr.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the 1998 version, which is obviously outdated in terms of medical advancements, but the more recent version is also at least ten years outdated, and this was the copy I had in hand. Six days after my hysterectomy and saying farewell to my ovaries, it was time for more information on the next stages.
The book is exceptional in its layout, its bite-sized science for us laypeople, and its rhythm. I took a full five pages of notes (college-ruled!) and have several items to follow up on. I highly recommend for any woman to read this at any time, though I’ll tell friends to read it in their 30s.
There was tone-deafness in the absence of and then occasionally with the inclusion of women of color. The book was written as though white is the “norm” and others are other. There was also a very strange throw-away comment about how unfortunate it is that women of color have been left out of medical studies that is so short-sighted I thought for a minute it was a bad joke. I’m not going to excuse any of it because it was 30 years ago; the author is clearly very intelligent, and hopefully she’s producing work now that is more self-aware.

[Karen Mosley · Rating 3 out of 5]

"...nineteenth century obstetricians taught that 'the change of life unhinges the female nervous system and deprives women of their personal charm'." pg. 131 "Laughter and forgetting...two of the best gifts women of any age can share with one another." pg. 55 "No, we are never again going to be that girl of our idealized inner eye. The task now is to find a new future self in whom we can invest our trust and enthusiasm." pg. 136 Yes, I'm going through "the change", so I read this book from my mother's bookshelf. It is not up-to-date (published in 1991), yet much of the information is the same as it has always been. I was interested to read about the "symptoms", especially to realize that my strange, new bouts of "forgetfulness" can be attributed to "the change". Thank goodness I'm not developing dementia or just getting stupid! There's hope it will go away soon! That is, if I can live through these hot flashes!

[Vivian · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had read this book six or seven years ago just out of curiosity about what was to come. Now I read it to find out whether I was losing my mind or just experiencing menopause! I agree with other reviewers that the author seems to promote the taking of hormones. At the time the book was written, I may have gone along with that, however, with what has been learned in the intervening years, I would not touch them with a ten foot pole. Are the hot flashes, sleepness nights, and mushy thinking annoying and debilitating? Yes, but I am woman, I will survive!

[Sally · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting book, a mix of hard science and personal experience. I could identify with the physical symptoms the women described, but I didn't relate to their anguish over aging. For me, the goal is maturity and wisdom, so the physical aging process is not such a big deal. (Not yet, anyway!) The author talked a lot about hormone replacement therapy and how important estrogen is, but since I can't 'use' hormones, I'll have to live without it!

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found some information useful and some too dated. I think she strongly advocates hormone replacement, but all women cannot take hormones. There are many alternatives in today's world and women should educate themselves as to what is currently available and choose what works best for their individual symptoms. I think humor is very important during menopause and Gail touches on that in her book.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is value at every stage of life. Women need to have information about this stage and be able to embrace it.
(Are we there yet???)

[Karen Cooley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative for anyone needing info on the change of life/menopause--what to expect and what some of your options are. I think women are more open about this topic since the book was written and there are more alternatives of treatment. However, this is the best I have read in terms of clear info.

[Rosie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I remember the day when my mother and I went to the bookstore to buy this book. At the time, there were only a handful of books about menopause. I'm glad to say that there have been many more written, but The Silent Passage is a groundbreaking classic. Thank you, Gail Sheehy, for writing this book, on behalf of women in the 90s.

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I checked out a pile of books on Menopause in an effort to figure out what is going on with my mind and my body. This one seemed to have the most potential to be helpful, but it seemed that her main pupose was to reassure the reader that post menopausal women can have an active sexz life. There was some helpful information int it, but not a lot

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

So dated. There were way too many names dropped in the chapter about celebrity menopause. I would have preferred more factual information about the various options and (far) less about how women feel about the options. I can see that, 20 years ago, this was groundbreaking, but I'm not sure why my doctor recommended this to me.

[Jen Chenault · Rating 4 out of 5]

Silent because no body talks about it - we need to bring it into the light, learn all we can, share our stories and imagine real information coming from drug companies, doctors and health care information.

[Malisa]

The latest Sheehy installment from my Mom (when I mentioned to her I was perimenopausal) Promptly put on my "to read" shelf to hopefully to collect dust for awhile. You'll know I'm in BIG trouble when I moved it to another shelf :-)

[Ange · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good info. on menopause among the uninteresting.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rated: C+

Interesting read for husbands with wives entering menopause

[Janelle V. Dvorak · Rating 3 out of 5]

Instructive. Read only for information purposes.

[Nicole]

I really think I am starting menopause early. Good information although out if date and heart health studies came back after the book was published.

[Johna · Rating 3 out of 5]

not much has improved for women and women's health

[John Lawless]

First, every woman should read this book followed by their spouse....

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great supplement to a GOOD doctors care and other reading material for updates on what is known now.