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Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility
The right words for every situation.
Do you find yourself in those maddening situations where you sound like a broken record when talking to your child? Your preschooler won’t decide what she wants to wear, regardless of how many times you insist that she just choose; your struggling third grader says “I can't do math,” and your “Sure you can!” reassurance falls like a dead weight; your daughter smears on black eyeliner just before the bus arrives, and your daily protests are muted by hers.
What’s left to say? Lots.
In Parent Talk, a must-have for every parent with a preschool to high school-age child, Chick Moorman tells you what to say so that you can communicate more effectively—and peacefully—with your child in every circumstance, including:
-The morning mad dash to dress, eat, and leave the house on time
-The nightly struggle to focus on homework
-The endless car ride of exhaustion-induced whining
-The meltdown in the mall
For instance, Moorman’s antidote to the “I can’t” loop is “Act as if you’ve done this before.” With Moorman’s help, you’ll learn the words to use and the words to avoid to end power struggles and the fruitless conversation loops you’re stuck in.
Do you find yourself in those maddening situations where you sound like a broken record when talking to your child? Your preschooler won’t decide what she wants to wear, regardless of how many times you insist that she just choose; your struggling third grader says “I can't do math,” and your “Sure you can!” reassurance falls like a dead weight; your daughter smears on black eyeliner just before the bus arrives, and your daily protests are muted by hers.
What’s left to say? Lots.
In Parent Talk, a must-have for every parent with a preschool to high school-age child, Chick Moorman tells you what to say so that you can communicate more effectively—and peacefully—with your child in every circumstance, including:
-The morning mad dash to dress, eat, and leave the house on time
-The nightly struggle to focus on homework
-The endless car ride of exhaustion-induced whining
-The meltdown in the mall
For instance, Moorman’s antidote to the “I can’t” loop is “Act as if you’ve done this before.” With Moorman’s help, you’ll learn the words to use and the words to avoid to end power struggles and the fruitless conversation loops you’re stuck in.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
320 pages, Paperback
First published February 25, 2003
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157 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
January 5, 2011
Very quick chapters without too much information. You could read one section in a day and have some ideas to put into pratice right away. It gave me some great ideas to replace a few key phrases in our family. Nothing completely new or revolutionary but I enjoyed it. It suggests to work on 3-4 ideas at at time until they become natural and then pick a few more until you are communcating well in all areas. A great resourse.
December 5, 2008
This is a very accessible read, good examples, big margins, short chapters. I mostly just skimmed it. I think that "how to talk so kids will listen, how to listen so kids will talk" is more in-depth and I liked that one better. Still, the ideas are great and I would be doing well to follow the suggestions!
September 15, 2010
This book is a great synopsis of how we should speak to our children. Chick Moorman suggests specific phrases and discourages others, therefore making it easy to implement his advice. This is a very concrete parenting method. It's easy to measure success or failure, and easy to practice. It's also a quick read, definitely worth reading for any parent.
May 12, 2009
I needed this book. I am really good at lecturing my children and bossing them around. This gives great advice on how to talk to your kids and give them responsibility.
October 23, 2013
I am quickly becoming a huge fan of Chick Moorman's philosophy on how to interact most effectively with kids. These are pearls of wisdom that parents, teachers, grandparents, coaches, and everyone else can pull out and use to improve the quality of what we say and what we do around our precious children. As a marriage and family therapist, I am aware of the innumerable parenting books that are out there--most of them being nothing but a tragic waste of trees (i.e., James Dobson, who advocates you pinch your child's neck when they are making poor behavioral choices. Seriously? Physical, adversive, punishment is a solution? I don't think so!). Thankfully "Parent Talk" (along with all of Moorman's other books) present you with solutions that you can feel happy with afterwards.
For instance, is there something your child does that just irks the heck out of you? Fidgeting while sitting right next to you? Leaving his boots in the middle of the kitchen floor? Interrupting you on the phone, the moment you answer it? One solution is to tell your child, "Hey I've got a problem happening and I need your help to solve it." After all, if WE weren't irritated by that behavior, it wouldn't be a problem and in asking for their help to solve it, they are more likely to help implement the solution. (See? No neck-pinching necessary!)
Another way to solve the boots in the middle of the floor problem would be simply to say out loud in the presence of your child, "I see boots on the floor." Generally bringing attention to the problem is often enough to prompt a child to take action. Perhaps a follow-up of "Boots belong in the shoe bench" (or wherever they belong)might be needed at first. Telling them "Put your boots away" is frequently a great way to start a fight. You're going to tell me what to do? I'm going to show you that you can't make me! Isn't that a familiar scenario? Simply stating there's a problem, decreases the risk of an ensuing fight. It also helps them to become independent problem-solvers, since you're leading them to figure out what to do when a problem arises instead of merely telling them how to fix it.
Really, the book is chock-full of gems like these and are presented in a quick, easy to remember format. That is why I think instead of sending home baby formula in the newborn hospital packs, they should really send new parents home with a Chick Moorman book. It's far more valuable over the lifetime of your parenting career!
For instance, is there something your child does that just irks the heck out of you? Fidgeting while sitting right next to you? Leaving his boots in the middle of the kitchen floor? Interrupting you on the phone, the moment you answer it? One solution is to tell your child, "Hey I've got a problem happening and I need your help to solve it." After all, if WE weren't irritated by that behavior, it wouldn't be a problem and in asking for their help to solve it, they are more likely to help implement the solution. (See? No neck-pinching necessary!)
Another way to solve the boots in the middle of the floor problem would be simply to say out loud in the presence of your child, "I see boots on the floor." Generally bringing attention to the problem is often enough to prompt a child to take action. Perhaps a follow-up of "Boots belong in the shoe bench" (or wherever they belong)might be needed at first. Telling them "Put your boots away" is frequently a great way to start a fight. You're going to tell me what to do? I'm going to show you that you can't make me! Isn't that a familiar scenario? Simply stating there's a problem, decreases the risk of an ensuing fight. It also helps them to become independent problem-solvers, since you're leading them to figure out what to do when a problem arises instead of merely telling them how to fix it.
Really, the book is chock-full of gems like these and are presented in a quick, easy to remember format. That is why I think instead of sending home baby formula in the newborn hospital packs, they should really send new parents home with a Chick Moorman book. It's far more valuable over the lifetime of your parenting career!
January 7, 2011
As effective as I think I am communicating with my children, I find that I need a gentle reminder about better word choices and attitudes on a fairly regular basis. This is a good book that offers lots of options for speaking in kind and positive ways with children. I like that the sections are short, the suggestions are easy to implement and the author provides encouragement without condemning parents for their failures. Indeed, no one is perfect.
I have found that I'm not a big fan of self-help books as a whole, but I like to review books on child development (I was a bit surprised to discover that my absent-minded, forgetful seven-year-old was acting in a completely age-appropriate way) and I also try to get in a parenting book here and there to remind me of ways to speak and act in a more nuturing, loving and encouraging manner.
I like Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's website on parenting, too. (http://www.uncommon-parenting.com) With newsletters, blog postings, videos, advice articles and radio show clips, a parent can find little nuggets of parenting wisdom in just about any media format they prefer.
I have found that I'm not a big fan of self-help books as a whole, but I like to review books on child development (I was a bit surprised to discover that my absent-minded, forgetful seven-year-old was acting in a completely age-appropriate way) and I also try to get in a parenting book here and there to remind me of ways to speak and act in a more nuturing, loving and encouraging manner.
I like Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's website on parenting, too. (http://www.uncommon-parenting.com) With newsletters, blog postings, videos, advice articles and radio show clips, a parent can find little nuggets of parenting wisdom in just about any media format they prefer.
January 26, 2013
I've read and reread this one, especially to reground myself as a parent. It speaks mainly to the nuances of what we say and the traps we fall into--saying what our parents said to us, etc. What I like best is the specific words to say, and the analysis of slight changes that torpedo your efforts. While it is practical and caring for parents and teachers, it is insightful for anyone interacting with adults or children.
July 22, 2024
2024: love the concrete advice you can implement right away w kids of any age.
2023: Wow wow wow! As a teacher, I am so glad I picked this one up. I really appreciate the concrete phrases to use and to avoid and their concise explanations. I'll return to this one again and again, and I'm going to recommend it to all the parents and teachers I work it.
2023: Wow wow wow! As a teacher, I am so glad I picked this one up. I really appreciate the concrete phrases to use and to avoid and their concise explanations. I'll return to this one again and again, and I'm going to recommend it to all the parents and teachers I work it.
January 6, 2016
Lots of this book was really helpful language but it's almost too much to change all at once. I wish I would've read this before I started "parenting". Mostly good ideas. Some I don't understand or agree with.
February 1, 2010
Excellent Excellent tips for parents of children in any age group
October 18, 2015
Clear, precise, helpful
November 1, 2015
Good examples and bite size chapters
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews