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Slay Bells Ring: The Rise of the Banner Elk Slayers
(Christmas Horror Comedy) It's Christmas time in Banner Elk, North Carolina. A magical time of year in a hallmark-y kinda way. Dan Helsing is a middle school math teacher there with a cat named Sméagol, no love life and a family curse that is a real pain in the neck.
When a hellish portal opens under the local orphanage, Helsing must pull on his big-boy monster-slayer britches for the first and probably the last time.
Rogue slayers, Hell hounds and an old school crush back in town—this is the worst Christmas ever.
When a hellish portal opens under the local orphanage, Helsing must pull on his big-boy monster-slayer britches for the first and probably the last time.
Rogue slayers, Hell hounds and an old school crush back in town—this is the worst Christmas ever.
- GenresAmazon
241 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 25, 2022
24 people are currently reading
50 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
January 4, 2024
HAH! I unironically enjoyed this book so much. It was a witty and intriguing Christmas read that had me hooked from beginning to end.
The snide and humorous writing style that still manages to tie in detailed descriptions and stark language in serious situations really captured me. I loved it! Exactly what I look for in a book. It entertained me throughout and really added a relatable depth to the characters that I appreciated a lot. Especially our main character, Dan Helsing. He’s funny and charming with just the right amount of sass and lack-of-enthusiasm. Love it!
The dynamics between characters are continuously genuine and authentic seeming and the dialogue runs smoothly. I have no complaints about the pacing as I was able to follow the plot seamlessly even though it was rich in content and intrigue! I love the twisted aspect to an otherwise jolly holiday.
The snide and humorous writing style that still manages to tie in detailed descriptions and stark language in serious situations really captured me. I loved it! Exactly what I look for in a book. It entertained me throughout and really added a relatable depth to the characters that I appreciated a lot. Especially our main character, Dan Helsing. He’s funny and charming with just the right amount of sass and lack-of-enthusiasm. Love it!
The dynamics between characters are continuously genuine and authentic seeming and the dialogue runs smoothly. I have no complaints about the pacing as I was able to follow the plot seamlessly even though it was rich in content and intrigue! I love the twisted aspect to an otherwise jolly holiday.
December 8, 2023
It's Christmas time in Banner Elk, North Carolina. A magical time of year in a hallmark-y kinda way. Dan Helsing is a middle school math teacher there with a cat named Sméagol, no love life and a family curse that is a real pain in the neck.When a hellish portal opens under the local orphanage, Helsing must pull on his big-boy monster-Slayer britches for the first and probably the last time.Rogue slayers, Hell hounds and an old school crush back in town-this is the worst Christmas ever.
Christmas themed funny horror book I laughed so much during it. It’s spooky but not to much
Dan Helsing is a great character really funny loved him a lot thanks booktaster for suggesting this book to me
This is going to be an Christmas favourite for the next years
Christmas themed funny horror book I laughed so much during it. It’s spooky but not to much
Dan Helsing is a great character really funny loved him a lot thanks booktaster for suggesting this book to me
This is going to be an Christmas favourite for the next years
December 19, 2023
The week before Christmas a portal opens in the basement of an orphanage spewing hell hounds, & eventually a master vampire on the town. The good guys? A math teacher who wants to be a full time accountant, & an orphan girl. Their back up? His ex-cop HS crush, who's been bitten my the vamp, a nun who trained slayers & runs the orphanage, some DnD playing orphans, a choir & a marching band. What can go wrong?
It's a fun & different Christmas read
It's a fun & different Christmas read
August 10, 2023
I love the way author make it horror but not too horror in the same time funny. I really love Dan the way he effortlessly funny literally in every page and the way Charlie react, its so funny and fun too read!
Also I love the way character interaction between all of them that also cant make me stop read it!
Also I love the way character interaction between all of them that also cant make me stop read it!
July 5, 2023
This was a fun book. I took an immediate liking to the protagonist, and I thought he was very cleverly named. I found the protagonist amusing and relatable, and liked his interactions with other characters. There were a few moments that made me chuckle while I was reading.
This is actually a Christmas-themed horror comedy, so it could be a good choice to read in December, to put yourself in a festive mood. Having said that, I didn't feel out of place reading it in the summer time either.
This is actually a Christmas-themed horror comedy, so it could be a good choice to read in December, to put yourself in a festive mood. Having said that, I didn't feel out of place reading it in the summer time either.
February 14, 2024
S. David Acuff’s Horror Novella Slay Bells Ring: The Rise of the Banner Elk Slayer is a tribute to horror movies and shows like The Lost Boys, The Monster Squad, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Supernatural. Supernatural creatures are thwarted by crafty tough humans who are armed with genre savviness towards folklore and horror movies, an arsenal of awesome killer weapons, and a sardonic outlook in which they make sarcastic quips while battling the undead.
6th grade Math teacher, Daniel Archibald Helsing was a typical teacher until weird things started happening. He was a self-proclaimed pop culture aficionado who has “references up the Ying Yang.” Dan is single but still carries a torch for a female friend, Jan Switcher (despite insisting to his Readers that no it's not like that, he swears!)
Besides loving Math so much that he “wants to marry it and have dozens of babies,” Dan is good at his job. Besides teaching class, he runs the Orphan Fight Club, a club in which he and various orphans play board games like Settlers of Catan, Lord of the Rings Monopoly, and Yahtzee when they get really aggressive (but not Dungeons and Dragons, Ouija, or Tarot cards. The Orphan Fight Club takes place in the local orphanage and the nuns forbid those “Satanic games” on their turf.) He acts like a big brother figure to his students and the orphans and is always on hand to give advice or tell a corny joke.
One of those orphans is Charlie Summers, a mysterious young girl who keeps to herself and sneaks inside the basement. She informs him that the portal to Hell has been opened inside their town of Banner Elk, North Carolina. Monsters and hellhounds have been released. As a slayer, it's her job to kill them. In fact, Dan is also a slayer and comes from a powerful family line of slayers. You might have heard of his ancestor, one Professor Abraham Van Helsing (Dracula's archenemy). At first Dan doesn't believe her but coming face to face with one of those beasts makes him a believer. He then picks up weapons and goes in for the kill.
Slay Bells Ring is a violent, bloody, but mostly funny Dark Comedy. The violent acts and supernatural horrors are augmented by the sardonic witty tone that runs throughout the book. A lot of it is because of Dan’s wisecracking sarcastic observations.
After Jan kills a hellhound, Dan is fixated with how sexy Jan looks. “What, I'm sorry she did!”
He whines to the judgemental Reader. He also complains that his Christmas break should have been filled with “shopping, eating, white elephant gift exchanges, and watching classic Holiday films like Miracle on 34th Street and Die Hard. Instead it's filled with Gothic jewelry, family curses, medieval weapons, hellhounds, fire, death, and half naked temptresses in (his) bed.”He says, “I wanted a do over. A mulligan. A stunt double.”
However, it's not just him. Everyone has something to say and are willing to say it between demon killings. When they receive a ring that will help close the Portal, Jan reminds them that they have “a dwarf” in Charlie and a “clumsy naive Hobbit with the heart of gold and smelly feet” in Dan.
Charlie isn't afraid to get violent and bloody when it comes to killing and hellhounds, but she will not tolerate swearing. Whenever Dan swears, she yells, “Cussbucket,” Reminding him that he owes her money every time he drops four letters words in the conversation.
The humor keeps the plot from being too dark and disturbing. It helps detach the Reader from the circumstances that they are reading about but also serves as a balm for the characters as well.
The characters are faced with a fatal situation that could not only alter their outlook on the world around them but end the entire world as well. But they deal with this dour situation with sarcastic comments and a smiles on their face. They laugh so they don't shiver with fear or cry in grief about their fallen comrades.
Slay Bells Ring is an engaging book that helps the Reader see a darkly comic side to the end of the world. Might as well face it with a weapon in hand and a mouth full of wit.
6th grade Math teacher, Daniel Archibald Helsing was a typical teacher until weird things started happening. He was a self-proclaimed pop culture aficionado who has “references up the Ying Yang.” Dan is single but still carries a torch for a female friend, Jan Switcher (despite insisting to his Readers that no it's not like that, he swears!)
Besides loving Math so much that he “wants to marry it and have dozens of babies,” Dan is good at his job. Besides teaching class, he runs the Orphan Fight Club, a club in which he and various orphans play board games like Settlers of Catan, Lord of the Rings Monopoly, and Yahtzee when they get really aggressive (but not Dungeons and Dragons, Ouija, or Tarot cards. The Orphan Fight Club takes place in the local orphanage and the nuns forbid those “Satanic games” on their turf.) He acts like a big brother figure to his students and the orphans and is always on hand to give advice or tell a corny joke.
One of those orphans is Charlie Summers, a mysterious young girl who keeps to herself and sneaks inside the basement. She informs him that the portal to Hell has been opened inside their town of Banner Elk, North Carolina. Monsters and hellhounds have been released. As a slayer, it's her job to kill them. In fact, Dan is also a slayer and comes from a powerful family line of slayers. You might have heard of his ancestor, one Professor Abraham Van Helsing (Dracula's archenemy). At first Dan doesn't believe her but coming face to face with one of those beasts makes him a believer. He then picks up weapons and goes in for the kill.
Slay Bells Ring is a violent, bloody, but mostly funny Dark Comedy. The violent acts and supernatural horrors are augmented by the sardonic witty tone that runs throughout the book. A lot of it is because of Dan’s wisecracking sarcastic observations.
After Jan kills a hellhound, Dan is fixated with how sexy Jan looks. “What, I'm sorry she did!”
He whines to the judgemental Reader. He also complains that his Christmas break should have been filled with “shopping, eating, white elephant gift exchanges, and watching classic Holiday films like Miracle on 34th Street and Die Hard. Instead it's filled with Gothic jewelry, family curses, medieval weapons, hellhounds, fire, death, and half naked temptresses in (his) bed.”He says, “I wanted a do over. A mulligan. A stunt double.”
However, it's not just him. Everyone has something to say and are willing to say it between demon killings. When they receive a ring that will help close the Portal, Jan reminds them that they have “a dwarf” in Charlie and a “clumsy naive Hobbit with the heart of gold and smelly feet” in Dan.
Charlie isn't afraid to get violent and bloody when it comes to killing and hellhounds, but she will not tolerate swearing. Whenever Dan swears, she yells, “Cussbucket,” Reminding him that he owes her money every time he drops four letters words in the conversation.
The humor keeps the plot from being too dark and disturbing. It helps detach the Reader from the circumstances that they are reading about but also serves as a balm for the characters as well.
The characters are faced with a fatal situation that could not only alter their outlook on the world around them but end the entire world as well. But they deal with this dour situation with sarcastic comments and a smiles on their face. They laugh so they don't shiver with fear or cry in grief about their fallen comrades.
Slay Bells Ring is an engaging book that helps the Reader see a darkly comic side to the end of the world. Might as well face it with a weapon in hand and a mouth full of wit.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 23, 2024
Esta es la historia de Dan un profesos de matemáticas de secundaria bastante soltero y con un gato temperamental, con una vida común y corriente que no se imaginaba que ponto tendría que enfrentar a criaturas salidas de cuentos de terror sin mas ayuda que un grupo de personas tan curiosas como el.
En este libro el autor nos trae una historia navideña poco común pues nos adentra en una comedia aterradora que logra desarrollar de manera excelente, con escenas divertidas, aterradoras y llenas de bastante acción hace un gran trabajo al mantener al lector enganchado pues quieres seguir leyendo hasta terminar la historia.
En cuanto a los personajes sin duda mi favorito es el principal pues Dan es bastante divertido y sus comentarios sarcásticos nos acompañan durante toda la historia lo que la vuelve aun más entretenida, se sienten hasta cierto punto bastante reales por lo que puedes identificarte en parte con algunos personajes y aunque el poco romance que se incluye fue algo flojo se compensa con el resto del desarrollo de la historia.
En general un libro muy entretenido que aborda esta festividad de una manera diferente dándole un toque de terror cómico bastante divertido.
----------------------------------------------------------
This is the story of Dan, a high school math teacher who is quite single and has a temperamental cat, with an ordinary life who did not imagine that he would soon have to face creatures straight out of horror stories with no help other than a group of people. as curious as him.
In this book the author brings us an unusual Christmas story as he takes us into a terrifying comedy that he manages to develop excellently, with funny, terrifying scenes full of plenty of action, he does a great job of keeping the reader hooked because you want to continue reading until finish the story.
As for the characters, without a doubt my favorite is the main one because Dan is quite funny and his sarcastic comments accompany us throughout the story which makes it even more entertaining, they feel quite real to a certain extent so you can partly identify with them. some characters and although the little romance included was somewhat weak, it is compensated by the rest of the development of the story.
Overall, a very entertaining book that approaches this holiday in a different way, giving it a very fun touch of comic horror.
En este libro el autor nos trae una historia navideña poco común pues nos adentra en una comedia aterradora que logra desarrollar de manera excelente, con escenas divertidas, aterradoras y llenas de bastante acción hace un gran trabajo al mantener al lector enganchado pues quieres seguir leyendo hasta terminar la historia.
En cuanto a los personajes sin duda mi favorito es el principal pues Dan es bastante divertido y sus comentarios sarcásticos nos acompañan durante toda la historia lo que la vuelve aun más entretenida, se sienten hasta cierto punto bastante reales por lo que puedes identificarte en parte con algunos personajes y aunque el poco romance que se incluye fue algo flojo se compensa con el resto del desarrollo de la historia.
En general un libro muy entretenido que aborda esta festividad de una manera diferente dándole un toque de terror cómico bastante divertido.
----------------------------------------------------------
This is the story of Dan, a high school math teacher who is quite single and has a temperamental cat, with an ordinary life who did not imagine that he would soon have to face creatures straight out of horror stories with no help other than a group of people. as curious as him.
In this book the author brings us an unusual Christmas story as he takes us into a terrifying comedy that he manages to develop excellently, with funny, terrifying scenes full of plenty of action, he does a great job of keeping the reader hooked because you want to continue reading until finish the story.
As for the characters, without a doubt my favorite is the main one because Dan is quite funny and his sarcastic comments accompany us throughout the story which makes it even more entertaining, they feel quite real to a certain extent so you can partly identify with them. some characters and although the little romance included was somewhat weak, it is compensated by the rest of the development of the story.
Overall, a very entertaining book that approaches this holiday in a different way, giving it a very fun touch of comic horror.
December 8, 2023
Want a little cayenne pepper with your eggnog? Ready to peruse a Christmastime story on a par with Die Hard? Take a look at Slay Bells Ring. This book is not classic literature, nor is it anywhere intended to be. What it is, rather, is a very cleverly written, quirky tale of monsters and the efforts of amateurs to fend them off. The main character is Daniel Helsing, a 6th grade math teacher who refers to himself as "very single, if you don't count deeply emotional relationship with donuts or my bipolar cat," and claims that "children are a gift from the lord, like sunbeams or smallpox." He sees his students as "velociraptors probing our mind fences for weaknesses", lives in a place about which he says, "I'm not sure why they call it Seven Devils, but I figured it was named after at least three of my ex-girlfriends." Helsing runs a dice game at the local orphanage that he calls the Orphan Fight Club and serves orphans nonalcoholic drinks that get them, "so buzzed we could smell the color green." Daniel's "counselor" is a bartender named Chrissinde Bailey; "Sinde", as locals call her, once needed to evict a bear from the bar. "Rumor had it the bear was fine for his first two beers but then he got handsy so she gave him an option - become a rug or get out." Helsing is agape at Janeane Abigail Switcher, a beautiful woman he has trouble talking with - his "verbal skills jumping ship like Titanic extras."
See what I mean by quirky?
Helsing accepts delivery of a massive box which contains, among other items a Piscatory Warrior ring which, when donned, releases a monster through a portal. Ms. Switcher's fiance' becomes the first victim, and one of the orphans, nicknamed "Charlie", self identifies as a slayer.
This is a fun book which will keep most readers laughing throughout.
See what I mean by quirky?
Helsing accepts delivery of a massive box which contains, among other items a Piscatory Warrior ring which, when donned, releases a monster through a portal. Ms. Switcher's fiance' becomes the first victim, and one of the orphans, nicknamed "Charlie", self identifies as a slayer.
This is a fun book which will keep most readers laughing throughout.
November 25, 2024
Very Refreshing
"Slay Bells Ring: The Rise of the Banner Elk Slayers" is a wonderful read! It's imaginative and, at times, absolutely hilarious. The main cast of characters are all well-developed and unique. I'd like to see more of them.
One problem that I did have, though: The original character's name in "Dracula" is named Abraham van Helsing. Not Van Helsing. I hope that the author is actually aware of this, and was simply making a joke!
Also, my reason for giving what was otherwise a most excellent novel a 4-star review... This book could have benefited from better editing. I noticed quite a few typos within the text - capitalization mistakes, text editing errors, and so forth.
Still, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this novel! I definitely recommend that anyone looking for a very funny vampire comedy pick up a copy of "Slay Bells Ring: The Rise of the Banner Elk Slayers"!
"Slay Bells Ring: The Rise of the Banner Elk Slayers" is a wonderful read! It's imaginative and, at times, absolutely hilarious. The main cast of characters are all well-developed and unique. I'd like to see more of them.
One problem that I did have, though: The original character's name in "Dracula" is named Abraham van Helsing. Not Van Helsing. I hope that the author is actually aware of this, and was simply making a joke!
Also, my reason for giving what was otherwise a most excellent novel a 4-star review... This book could have benefited from better editing. I noticed quite a few typos within the text - capitalization mistakes, text editing errors, and so forth.
Still, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this novel! I definitely recommend that anyone looking for a very funny vampire comedy pick up a copy of "Slay Bells Ring: The Rise of the Banner Elk Slayers"!
January 23, 2024
What an enjoyable escape from my normal reading genres. This book was full of imagery. I was hooked on the characters from the get-go. With the recommended Ryan Reynolds as the leading man Dan, and Blake Lively as his true love Jan, the movie played on in my mind. Jenna Ortega was definitely in there too, as the undercover vampire slaying orphan. Fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer will enjoy this modernized Van Helsing adventure of conquering evil and having a successful GoFundMe campaign at the same time. Having a good sense of humor is a requirement in order to get total enjoyment out of this one, but if you are in need of a good laugh, I recommend this one.
May 6, 2025
I haven't read a book in a long time where it felt like I was there with the story, and characters. It's got such realistic sarcasm and satire it pulls you in and keeps you engaged. I can't say I understood every reference for certain situations to describe something, but damnit I got the gist lol! Every page and chapter was full of everything needed to keep me the reader locked in! Those characters really make you feel some type of way you don't know what way it is you want to feel about them until you do smdh. Nevertheless it all came down to who do you trust, and are you for sure? And I'd like to kill the Crow for $200 Alex!
December 31, 2023
I enjoyed the sense of sarcastic humor in this book. Also, how the author spoke in first person and not just narrated the story. There's a difference between narration and first hand perspective. With this storyline, you get a glimpse first hand from the vintage point of the character telling the events that's taking place. If you love adventure fantasy stories told through the eyes of the character then this book is for you.
January 19, 2024
This novel was an easy 3 stars. It was an all around good time. The characters are fun and dynamic and the events of the story lead itself to a theater performance. As a theater kid at heart this was a fun read that had me giggling with nostalgia.
The only issue I had while reading this was some of the pacing. Things happen FAST in this book. As always thank you to the author for allowing me to review their work and to @Booktasters for the recommendation.
The only issue I had while reading this was some of the pacing. Things happen FAST in this book. As always thank you to the author for allowing me to review their work and to @Booktasters for the recommendation.
February 22, 2024
Due to work and some travels I read a christmas horror book with delay in
February.
However, I enjoyed it very much. It was written very well with a good sense
of humor.
Did I say the characters were great too?
Normally I don't like horror themed stories, but this one was a fantastic read.
So, without a doubt I give 5 stars for this book.
Ps. Although it is a Christmas themed book, don't hesitate to read it during
other periods of the year!
February.
However, I enjoyed it very much. It was written very well with a good sense
of humor.
Did I say the characters were great too?
Normally I don't like horror themed stories, but this one was a fantastic read.
So, without a doubt I give 5 stars for this book.
Ps. Although it is a Christmas themed book, don't hesitate to read it during
other periods of the year!
September 15, 2025
There can be only one!
I've read this book at least three times in its entirety and it just gets better and better. The pop culture references alone are hilarious! The situation these slayers find themselves in is serious but they go about their business with a joyful noise. I love how the whole town was drawn into the take down, playing their parts to perfection. Sequel, please.
This should be a movie.
I've read this book at least three times in its entirety and it just gets better and better. The pop culture references alone are hilarious! The situation these slayers find themselves in is serious but they go about their business with a joyful noise. I love how the whole town was drawn into the take down, playing their parts to perfection. Sequel, please.
This should be a movie.
December 11, 2023
Ho Ho Holy shit this book is great!
This is a delightfully entertaining vampiric Christmas season tale full of non-stop action, sarcastic humor, and countless pop culture references.
This is a delightfully entertaining vampiric Christmas season tale full of non-stop action, sarcastic humor, and countless pop culture references.
November 17, 2023
Read the complete non-spoiler review of the book in my #bookblog. Link : https://bookbugworld.com/review-slay-...
December 2, 2024
Fast paced and easily visualized. A very fun, monster slaying read.
February 8, 2025
Christmas Slay!
Like Buffy meets Supernatural. I loved it. It's quick, bloody, and has a happy ending.
Need a second one, stat!
Like Buffy meets Supernatural. I loved it. It's quick, bloody, and has a happy ending.
Need a second one, stat!
January 8, 2025
If Deadpool and Buffy The Vampire Slayer got together and made a horror Christmas story, it would be this book. It was very entertaining and funny. I would enjoy reading more stories about these characters.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews