Parents in Pain: Overcoming the Hurt & Frustration of Problem Children

by John White

A police car rolls up in front of your house--with your son in the back seat. A voice on the phone says your daughter is all right but won't tell you where she is--and then hangs up. A wallet disappears from your dresser and you're sure who took it--at least, somewhat sure. Many parents face problems beyond their ability to cope. John White ofers comfort to parents of children with severe problems--alcoholism, homosexuality, even suicide. Though he gives practical suggestions, this is not a how-to manual for making rebellious children behave. Rather the author helps all parents deal with their own guilt, frustration, anger and sense of inadequacy. White first asks, Why has the child rearing become such a complicated task? He looks to common sense, science and the Bible for an answer. Next he focuses on the parent-child relationship itself as trust erodes, arguments arise and the need for professional or legal counsel develops. Finally, he cautions us to avoid parenting techniques which emphasize pragmatism at the expense of what is moral and just. A book of comfort and counsel to parents in pain.

Genres: Parenting, Family, Christianity, Christian, Nonfiction

245 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1979

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.

John White was an Evangelical Christian author, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Manitoba and a pastor of Church of the Way.

Reviews

[Cindy Marsch · Rating 4 out of 5]

Setting aside or bearing with the dated elements (the chapters about the varieties of children's problems and about the resources for getting help), those who know the difficulties of parenting adults (or teens) will find comfort here. Though White writes with the authority of a professor of psychiatry (which he was), he also writes with the beautiful Spirit-saturated poetic language that first attracted me to him when I read Daring to Draw Near in high school. White addresses Christians primarily but has an eye toward those who are not. Though he offers practical steps, his heart rushes to the side of those suffering bewilderment and doubt, anger and fear. He offers strength and consolation.

[Nathan Schneider · Rating 4 out of 5]

White, a Christian and a psychiatrist, offers counsel to parents who are dealing with rebellious teens, but also lays a biblical framework for all parents. Advice ranges from when to call a professional counselor and the difference between punishment and discipline. I would add this book to the list of helpful reads for all parents.

[David Tacium · Rating 1 out of 5]

An original take on a common situation, but I feel cheated from the beginning, as if some significant info were missing. I would have liked to know how a visit from the police to his door settles it that he has a problem child and then to have been told what the problem was that the problem child had. After this vague beginning, very loose, unstructured ideas the rest of the way. The author has plenty of bits of advicea, but a lot relies on word play (to get the peace of God you must have peace with God). The author has compiled a lot of other people's stories but has he listened to his own?

[Lily · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe because it has been a long time since I had young children, this book did not have as much meaning as it might have had in the past. I bought it to possibly help with my grandkids. The book was published in 1979, so one would think the things mentioned do not apply now. Human nature is basically the same, though, even though external influences may change and influence child rearing.
Mr. White's suggestions can be helpful; he does not force his opinion though he is a psychiatrist.
He has learned from his own parenting mistakes, successes, and heartbreaks.
Most is common sense to me, but that is just my own common sense after experience. I guess one of the main points that I got from the book was that a child is his/her own being, and makes his/her own choices eventually no matter how they are raised or led or advised. A parent can follow the fads of child-rearing, but it all comes down to love, discipline, consistency, prayer, and then letting go.

[Ginta · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the book: "Some parents may be immune to the anxieties of deterministic theories. But many are ridden with guilt and experience times of intense misery. It is bad enough for your children to go wrong. But to know you are responsible for the wrong and to struggle guiltily and unsuccessfully to mend that wrong is a form of torment to which parents of bygone days were less prone than we."

[Hope · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very helpful book for parents whose children are making bad choices. Especially helpful for those dealing with guilt. As White said, "We believe in free will, but when our children use it, we blame ourselves."

[Go2therock · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm going to be doing a book club with some other Moms, after reading this. I'll write my review once we've pored over it a bit more together. But don't wait till then to read it!