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Staying True
In this candid and compelling memoir, the first lady of South Carolina reveals the private ordeal behind her very public betrayal—and offers inspiration for anyone struggling to keep faith during life’s most trying times.
She’s been a successful investment banker, a mother of four, and the campaign manager for one of American politics’ rising stars—her husband, Mark Sanford of South Carolina, once widely hailed as a possible candidate for president in 2012. Yet to most Americans, Jenny Sanford is best known for the one role she refused to play—that of conventional political spouse standing silently by while her husband went before the media and confessed his infidelity. Instead, she stayed true—to herself, to her faith, and to her highest ideals of parenthood and public service. She chose to let Mark Sanford deal with the embarrassment and political fallout from his own actions while focusing her own efforts privately on raising their children to be men of character, even in the face of the lies their father has told.
In Staying True, Jenny Sanford recalls her shock and anguish upon discovering that her husband was having an affair with a woman in Argentina, and the further pain when she learned—just a day ahead of most Americans—that he had not ended the affair when she believed he had. She reveals the source of her determination to be honest and forthright instead of the victim in the tabloid passion play that gripped the nation in June 2009.
But her story neither begins nor ends with Mark Sanford’s astounding fall from grace. Writing with uncommon candor from a deep well of spiritual strength, Sanford shares personal stories and life lessons from before and after she stepped into the public realm. She recounts the many stresses—as well as the myriad joys—that she experienced on a daily basis while living in the governmental spotlight. (Just try keeping four young boys out of mischief in the governor’s mansion!) And she describes the many ways that the seductions of power can drive apart even the most committed couples.
At every step along her journey, Jenny Sanford has made choices: She gave up her career, moved far from her home state of Illinois, even changed her religious practices. Every choice was a glad concession to harmonious married life and, in some cases, to the support of her husband’s political aspirations. But the one thing she never gave up was her sense of self, her inner moral compass. Her remarkable poise and decency make her a role model for men and women alike. Her story will empower anyone who has fought to maintain independence and integrity—within a marriage or elsewhere in life.
From the Hardcover edition.
She’s been a successful investment banker, a mother of four, and the campaign manager for one of American politics’ rising stars—her husband, Mark Sanford of South Carolina, once widely hailed as a possible candidate for president in 2012. Yet to most Americans, Jenny Sanford is best known for the one role she refused to play—that of conventional political spouse standing silently by while her husband went before the media and confessed his infidelity. Instead, she stayed true—to herself, to her faith, and to her highest ideals of parenthood and public service. She chose to let Mark Sanford deal with the embarrassment and political fallout from his own actions while focusing her own efforts privately on raising their children to be men of character, even in the face of the lies their father has told.
In Staying True, Jenny Sanford recalls her shock and anguish upon discovering that her husband was having an affair with a woman in Argentina, and the further pain when she learned—just a day ahead of most Americans—that he had not ended the affair when she believed he had. She reveals the source of her determination to be honest and forthright instead of the victim in the tabloid passion play that gripped the nation in June 2009.
But her story neither begins nor ends with Mark Sanford’s astounding fall from grace. Writing with uncommon candor from a deep well of spiritual strength, Sanford shares personal stories and life lessons from before and after she stepped into the public realm. She recounts the many stresses—as well as the myriad joys—that she experienced on a daily basis while living in the governmental spotlight. (Just try keeping four young boys out of mischief in the governor’s mansion!) And she describes the many ways that the seductions of power can drive apart even the most committed couples.
At every step along her journey, Jenny Sanford has made choices: She gave up her career, moved far from her home state of Illinois, even changed her religious practices. Every choice was a glad concession to harmonious married life and, in some cases, to the support of her husband’s political aspirations. But the one thing she never gave up was her sense of self, her inner moral compass. Her remarkable poise and decency make her a role model for men and women alike. Her story will empower anyone who has fought to maintain independence and integrity—within a marriage or elsewhere in life.
From the Hardcover edition.
Audio CD
First published January 1, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 122 reviews
March 16, 2010
i love bios, and i certainly cannot fault ms. sanford for writing hers. i applaud her courage in light of her husband's failings. however, not only does this book plod like a turtle, it makes you want to scream and shake the young jenny sanford. so many signs, so easily seen, that mark sanford is not a keeper. and yet she continued.
March 17, 2017
Rating: 1.5 - 2 stars
I could not connect to Jenny Sanford’s story. It was missing something. From the beginning, the love between Jenny and her husband never felt authentic (at least by the way it was portrayed in this book). The relationship seemed very one-sided. The author did not do a good job depicting their relationship and love in a way which would make the reader feel like it was ever real and worth saving. Its possible the author wrote this book too soon. Maybe the pain, betrayal and agony was too fresh in her mind.
I could not connect to Jenny Sanford’s story. It was missing something. From the beginning, the love between Jenny and her husband never felt authentic (at least by the way it was portrayed in this book). The relationship seemed very one-sided. The author did not do a good job depicting their relationship and love in a way which would make the reader feel like it was ever real and worth saving. Its possible the author wrote this book too soon. Maybe the pain, betrayal and agony was too fresh in her mind.
July 11, 2010
Hmmm never did much care for Mark Sanford's politics but thought him an honorable man until last year. After hearing Jenny's story, I find him appallingly selfish and self-centered. He actually asked her for permission to see his mistress so he could get closure and babbled about the soul mate thing to her. I found him just so self-absorbed. And cheap, not frugal. The book was interesting and Jenny Sanford told it well. It is the story of their meeting and marriage till it all fell apart so publicly.
March 31, 2010
Poignant story from a faith fulled lady. The only way to describe her is CLASSY. She doesn't judge, hold grudges or seek revenge. Her description of the way she wants to be honest and set an example for her children is inspirational. I appreciate her dedication very much and look forward to hearing from her more in the future. Great writing!
August 30, 2017
You've got to hand it to the Catholic Church...is there any other religion that has produced so many women with martyr complexes? And that's the only way one can view the marriage between Jenny Sanford and Mark Sanford. There were signs galore Mark Sanford was not a Southern gentleman looking for true love. The first time she went to visit his family, he just left his car at the airport for her to find the way to the family farm. When she doesn't show up on time, he leaves for a party without her. He wants her to sign a wacko pre-nup agreement. He doesn't want to say he will remain faithful in their marriage vows.
Yet she marries him. Then, when she gets pregnant, he is horrified at the thought she might have a girl and not a boy. And on and on. He's a user and a mental case. Yet she makes excuse after excuse for his behavior, always trying to understand why he does what he does. If she had spent half that time trying to understand what she was doing in such a marriage, she might had figured it all out, long before it all came crashing down on her.
But like most martyrs, she kept focused on others to not deal with herself. This led to the absolute bizarre situation where he is describing his feelings to her about being in love with his "soul mate", and demanding she give him permission to go visit her; as if she was his mother and not his wife! However, unlike a martyr, she divorces him. That was very interesting. One can only hope Jenny Sanford goes forward in her life, and isn't forever stuck in the role of "wronged wife".
Yet she marries him. Then, when she gets pregnant, he is horrified at the thought she might have a girl and not a boy. And on and on. He's a user and a mental case. Yet she makes excuse after excuse for his behavior, always trying to understand why he does what he does. If she had spent half that time trying to understand what she was doing in such a marriage, she might had figured it all out, long before it all came crashing down on her.
But like most martyrs, she kept focused on others to not deal with herself. This led to the absolute bizarre situation where he is describing his feelings to her about being in love with his "soul mate", and demanding she give him permission to go visit her; as if she was his mother and not his wife! However, unlike a martyr, she divorces him. That was very interesting. One can only hope Jenny Sanford goes forward in her life, and isn't forever stuck in the role of "wronged wife".
March 8, 2013
The Sandford's was a mismatched marriage to begin with. How could this smart woman, she was one of the first women to work in investment banking, marry this hick who treated her like a woman from the 19th century? Because she let it happen and didn't think the disrespectful, cold, sexist way he treated her was wrong until he fucked another woman. She keeps quoting the Bible throughout; and even though it brings her comfort when he starts seeing the girlfriend, her reliance on it for guidance during their marriage before the affair leads her to accept a secondary role as wife, mother, woman, and as a citizen. She's not as bold as the press made her out to be.
He felt differently about their marriage then she did, obviously, despite his public statements otherwise. Like many conservative men, he evidently believes everyone should follow a strict moral code revolving around sex but themselves (white heterosexual men). He wanted the freedom to see other women and Jenny was not for it; at one point he even asks permission to screw around which astounds her. He should have married a Hillary Clinton, who would privately not care about his trysts because they would have a marriage of minds instead of hearts, but he wants a woman who he can put on pedestal and then for her to be open to accepting his zipper problem. Sorry, dude. Not gonna happen for you.
He felt differently about their marriage then she did, obviously, despite his public statements otherwise. Like many conservative men, he evidently believes everyone should follow a strict moral code revolving around sex but themselves (white heterosexual men). He wanted the freedom to see other women and Jenny was not for it; at one point he even asks permission to screw around which astounds her. He should have married a Hillary Clinton, who would privately not care about his trysts because they would have a marriage of minds instead of hearts, but he wants a woman who he can put on pedestal and then for her to be open to accepting his zipper problem. Sorry, dude. Not gonna happen for you.
March 11, 2010
She's trying to give a fair accounting, but I don't think she gives herself enough credit.
August 13, 2017
Interesting story of Jenny's life with her husband, Mark Sanford, congressman and governor of South Carolina. From my perspective Mark was very good on policy, and he was probably the most frugal guy in congress. His problem was that he was very narcissistic. Jenny was vey successful before they were married: only woman to make partner at a prominent investment bank. She run all of her husbands campaigns. The heart of the book is about how the marriage came apart due to Mark's infidelity. I had a chance to meet and talk to Jenny for about ten munites when Mark was governor. Jenny really functioned as Mark's chief of staff. She was very impressive. I listen to this book from a download from my library.
August 23, 2010
In Jenny Sanford's memoir about being married to the philandering governor of South Carolina, you get a sense of her as an intelligent, grounded, and independent woman. It's a portrait of her marriage, and perhaps how it devolved over time to the point of her husband blathering on about his Argentinian soul mate during a press conference.
But you don't get a real sense of Mark Sanford as much of a person. He comes across as a cardboard cut out, distant and removed. Whether she's writing this book while still trying to not cause any further damage to his political career or whether he really was that remote during their married life is anyone's guess. But you never get a sense of why she was in love with him or what drew them together in the first place. Maybe that is hard to reconstruct in the aftermath of such a public break up, but it leaves the book with less emotional resonance than it might otherwise have.
At the same time, she paints a picture of daily estrangement so profound that it seems like she doesn't even recognize her own lonliness much less her husband's. She doesn't come across as a martyr, but her story is clearly one of a woman who lives for years and works hard to maintain a life in the public sphere which she did not desire or particularly want. You also never get a sense of her own political views, and how they did or did not match up with those of her extremely conservative husband.
Mark Sanford's actions, throughout the book and especially as it builds towards its eventual conclusion, are beyond the pale. Not going with his wife to her grandfather's funeral, exercising frugality to the point of parsimony in their personal finances, and having multiple affairs with other women all show him to be a less than committed partner. It also shows his wife giving more and more of her time and energy to making their family work, apparently in denial over the fact that she was essentially raising her sons as a single parent.
But I feel like you come away from this book without really knowing much about the interior hopes and dreams of Jenny Sanford. What future does she envision for herself and her sons? Does she have any regrets about the choices she made in her marriage? You finish the book feeling like you really wish her the best for the future, in whatever shape she wants it to take.
But you don't get a real sense of Mark Sanford as much of a person. He comes across as a cardboard cut out, distant and removed. Whether she's writing this book while still trying to not cause any further damage to his political career or whether he really was that remote during their married life is anyone's guess. But you never get a sense of why she was in love with him or what drew them together in the first place. Maybe that is hard to reconstruct in the aftermath of such a public break up, but it leaves the book with less emotional resonance than it might otherwise have.
At the same time, she paints a picture of daily estrangement so profound that it seems like she doesn't even recognize her own lonliness much less her husband's. She doesn't come across as a martyr, but her story is clearly one of a woman who lives for years and works hard to maintain a life in the public sphere which she did not desire or particularly want. You also never get a sense of her own political views, and how they did or did not match up with those of her extremely conservative husband.
Mark Sanford's actions, throughout the book and especially as it builds towards its eventual conclusion, are beyond the pale. Not going with his wife to her grandfather's funeral, exercising frugality to the point of parsimony in their personal finances, and having multiple affairs with other women all show him to be a less than committed partner. It also shows his wife giving more and more of her time and energy to making their family work, apparently in denial over the fact that she was essentially raising her sons as a single parent.
But I feel like you come away from this book without really knowing much about the interior hopes and dreams of Jenny Sanford. What future does she envision for herself and her sons? Does she have any regrets about the choices she made in her marriage? You finish the book feeling like you really wish her the best for the future, in whatever shape she wants it to take.
March 14, 2010
This is the true story about a senator who cheats on his wife and how she and their 4 boys deal with it. It just reminds me that most politicians are so full of themselves and their power. The book starts when they first meet right out of college and how she saw some things then that she didn't like but overlooked. Maybe she should have trusted herself then. Luckily she has a great family, friends and her faith to help get her through. I admired her for not standing by her man after he pledged his love for his soul mate in Argentina that wasn't her.
July 31, 2010
I read this book to find out what kind of a man Mark Sanford really is and to explain to myself what kind of man would slash education in SC, just about the worst state for schools. Well, he's frugal to a fault even in his own life--he was so cheap he slept on a futon in his office in D.C. and took back a necklace he had given his wife. His behavior with his Argentine lover was beyond bizarre--he actually asked his wife's PERMISSION to see her. Pretty scary to think that somebody like this was in Congress for eight years and is still running SC!!!
March 15, 2010
A quick read, most of the content was covered in the numerous television and print interviews that Jenny Sanford made to promote the book. She is best known because she was a wronged political wife who didn't stand by her man when he publicly confessed his indiscretions. I appreciate her willingness to pick up and move on rather than try to save a marriage her husband is clearly no longer interested in.
March 15, 2010
She come across as a strong, grounded, caring woman who has a good head, a lot of faith, a positive attitude, and makes good choices. I loved that one of her very top priorities is her 4 children. I also loved the last chapter of the book, where she seems to have come to terms with her divorce and seems at peace with herself and her life.
I'd actually give this book 3-1/2 stars- not quite 4 but also better than a 3.
I'd actually give this book 3-1/2 stars- not quite 4 but also better than a 3.
November 30, 2018
This book was disappointing. Not well written & somehow it felt shallow despite the serious nature. I suppose I was overly distracted by how Mrs Sanford allowed herself to be his doormat before the marriage even started. A few dates in he invites her to visit SC but can’t be bothered to meet her at the airport; then departs for a party before she even arrives at the family home. Wow. I don’t think many women would accept another date after that
April 4, 2010
I read this in a couple of hours and enjoyed it so much. I was curious to see exactly what she is made of and after reading this book, I feel that her faith is astounding. That's obviously the only way she dealt with all of the drama that her husbands decisions created in their lives. Easy read, good book.
May 10, 2010
Didn't share much more information than has already been reported in the news. I saw her on the "View" where she shared that she has started dating. She seems like a very strong person who has moved on.
March 19, 2010
Very good book and this lady is one in a million! She has the patience of Job and such a forgiving nature in her. A worthy read for ladies.
March 29, 2010
Quick, easy, interesting read. She's a strong woman.
April 6, 2010
I liked this book much better than I expected to..Very good...
August 10, 2010
I liked Jenny Sanford, but man, she was married to a selfish jerk. His behavior was crazy, and tainted how I felt about the book.
August 8, 2011
Unreadable. You want to just say "really, Jenny?" by page 4.
March 18, 2010
More about her husband's life than about hers, but it does explain much about Sanford's demons.
June 28, 2010
Jenny Sanford writes of her marriage and public betrayal recently by her husband, South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, now famous for his claim to have been "hiking the Appalachian Trail" when questioned about his disappearance for several days.
Jenny writes how her marriage came to be, the strong faith they both had, their strong convictions to each other and to God, and their 4 sons. Then she shares the heartbreak, disappointment and anguish she felt when she learned, just shortly before the rest of the world, that her husband was having an affair with a woman from Argentina.
I really enjoyed this book, not in a good/happy way, but in a way that you feel right along with her what she is feeling, she's open, honest, and blunt at times, all while maintaining her strong faith and convictions, and never lost her own sense of self-worth and values. She maintains her dignity, refuses to stand by him while he confesses publicly what he's done, and even shares how he continued to plead with her to let him spend more visits with his girlfriend, instead of wanting to work on their marriage. Several times, I commented OUT LOUD, What a jerk! (or something worse) about his comments and behavior. He even looked her in the eye and said he would not see this woman and within the next several hours, booked plane reservations to go see her!!! UGH!
I have the utomost admiration for Jenny, what she endured, and how she strove to maintain a proper set of values and guidelines for herself and her four sons through this betrayal.
Favorite Quotes:
while writing about her grandparents: "I hadn't yet found the man who had inspired that kind of devotion, the kind of man worthy of the kind of love I knew I was capable of giving. Although I hadn't experienced it yet myself, I expected that the platitudes about true love were absolutely true. I imagined that it would involve understanding, patience, sacrifice, selflessness, and commitment. If I was going to commit, I would give it my all. I wanted to pledge loyalty to another person, to a set of values, goals, and dreams, and to a family. I realize that to some this might seem the opposite of romantic, but I saw from watching and talking to my parents that passion and romance come and go through the seasons of life; what sustains you are shared values and common goals. I found 'that' incredibly romantic." p.11
"And then there's the simple truth that i had come to understand and that I wanted to model for our kids: What matters most is how you live your life, not what you have to show for it. I ask myself if I have tried my best to love my family, to improve my character, to make a positive impact on the world in some small way. I know who I love and I know who loves me, and if I have made a positive impression on others, that's great. .... I had come to understand by then and live by it still today: At the end of the day I need to be happy with myself and my own behavior in light of the person I know I can be and in light of the person I want to be in the eyes of our Lord, the ultimate judge, the only one that matters." p 116
"During this time Mark took it upon himself to create what he called the Sanford Family Constitution. when he read it to us over dinner one evening, I nodded in agreement. Everything in it described my own belief system as well. ...This document described a vision for our family in which "God is glorified and the communities each of our lives touches are better because of the lives we live Toward that end, our mission is to be a nurturing, loving and fun safe harbor and home place---where each member is loved unconditionally for who they are, where values are instilled, and where each person is encouraged to develop their talents, find their passion and pursue it with excellence to indeed glorify God and make the world a better place." The family constitution also talked about the things we value: love, faith, passion and excellence, hard work, appreciation, honor and integrity, fun and stewardship and responsibility.
I have a difficult time now looking at this family doctrine in light of Mark's recent actions. " p 138
"He was able to make it all happen without me knowing and certainly without any immediate consequences from me or to his job. It's ironic that I was more deeply in love with him than I had been in a decade while he was feeling powerful, independent, and righteous in his growing success." p 145
"Perhaps this is how our lives together started to twist out of balance. Our fundamental differences in pace probably should have worried me years before when I saw the lists of his goals. Instead, I believed the difference between Mark's desire for immediate success and my sense of the story of our lives spooling out over time would balance each other out. I could take the long view, and he would specialize in the here and now." p 153
"At some point in the evening Mark came in, hugged me gently, and assured me everything was going to be okay. How I wanted to believe that! What a wonderful thing it would have been to just believe that and try to move on. But as anyone who has ever been betrayed knows, we can't really outsmart or overrule the part of the brain that has registered that betrayal." p 172
"I had long since realized that marriage to Mark was not going to be all roses or romance. Certainly I didn't always feel loved by him or have that 'in-love' feeling for him as often as I would have liked, but that, I rationalized---and believed---was real marriage. I had faith that we had a real marriage, one that could weather the periods fo distance and come back again to connection. Our stresses were real but were focused in an honorable direction. My daily prayers had always included prayers for my marriage. After finding that letter, I needed God's love and grace even more powerfully." p 174
"How could he possibly think I would let him go through with the plan I had seen him make in that email, a plan to spend two nights in New York with her? I asked incredulously. I told him repeatedly that I felt it was one thing to forgive adultery but in no way could I condone it, especially in my own marriage. I wrestled with this very thing in my journal that night: "I trust his intentions are good---he says it is over---but how can I trust the result when faced with such temptation? And what of the lack of humility? The lack of respect for me? Is he not putting her feelings over mine? Does he really love me?" p 175
"Faith requires prayer and time, and I suspected Mark's prayers had been neglected given the demands on his time. The world around us conspires to make finding time for prayer difficult. A well-known Psalm says "Be still and know that I am God." In 'A Gift from the Sea', Anne Morrow Lindbergh also talks of the importance of seeking solitude amidst our multitasking lives. She speaks of the importance of finding empty space---because, as she puts it, our time is all used up or scribbled on. It is in this empty space, or when we can be still, that we find God and reaconnect with our true inner self. My sense of security for our marriage came from a deep well of understanding of ebb and flow, a concept that honored commitment over the long haul and was founded in my faith. In accepting our distance as an inevitable part of eventually coming back together, I had settled into a peace with our life and lifestyle with the help of my prayers." p 176
"After a few good weeks he became distant again, and before long he was pestering me for permission to see his lover that summer so he could find "the key to his heart." That he would consider asking me repeatedly for permission to see his lover again was unfathomable. It was one thing for me to forgive his indiscretions and move toward reconciliation, but to condone it further meant for me to compromise my own morals and integrity. That was a bridge too far for me and cut deeply against my faith. I have committed plenty of moral sins in my past, but in each case I have grown in the aftermath, begging forgiveness from the Lord or from others and moving on as a better person, learning from past mistakes. But this was missing with Mark. He seemed to be traveling a path of his own making, seeking his own comfort, no longer guided by a power above. I began to see him as lost, disconnected from his basic values, and I began to pray differently. Now I prayed for His will to be done and for me to bear the future with grace and peace. I asked for calm for my boys and acceptance of the future. I sought understanding of Mark's actions and prayed that the Lord would wake him to the error of his ways. I praised more and asked less. " p 179
"In early May I wrote in my journal, "Allowing my husband to see his lover for whatever reason goes against who I am and my entire sense of right and wrong. I explained this over and over to Mark but he thought I was not hearing or understanding him. I understand him---he loves someone else and he wants to have one final fling with her to see if it brings 'true happiness' before he settles with me and puts his 'heart to rest' over her. What he does not see is how morally offensive it is to me to even listen to this. It is ripping my heart up and I told him so." p 186
"I walked with Mark out to the driveway. I told him, 'You look me in the eye and tell me you will not see her.'
"I will not see her," he said. He had always prided himself on his honesty.
"You mean it?"
"I will not see her," he said, before departing with security for Columbia (South Carolina).
Apparently, within a few hours, he bought his ticket to Argentina.
p 190
"If there is any overriding message from this summer that I wanted our boys to remember it was that you may choose your sin but you cannot choose the consequences. Actions and sin do have consequences. The full consequences of the choices Mark made are still being discovered. I hope, though, that my boys have learned that dishonesty rarely serves one well, and it is always better to 'walk in the truth'. " p 197
"How long, I wondered, had I had my head in the sand? I couldn't help but think I had been deceived through the entire marriage, and for the first time in all that painful year I felt duped. Mark had handled me the way he'd tried to handle the press. He'd given me just enough information when he had to, but clearly he hadn't given me the whole story. Not back in January. And maybe not even now. How could I know? How would I ever really know? p 203
"I have loved and will love again. I have lived these married years as loyally, as honestly, as lovingly and as committed as I could. I have worked hard and enjoyed our successes. I have given of myself, have been blessed with incredible friendships, and have worked on building character---mine and our children's. With the strength of my faith and the blessings in my midst I am ready for the next chapter of my life where I hope to fully live each day, love each moment, and find joy along the way. I have known that character, self-respect, and integrity are so difficult to develop and earn and so easy to lose. I have tried my best to act responsibly, patiently, and fairly and will freely welcome the next chapter with no regrets from the past and no fears for the future. I will persevere with my feet firmly planted---preferably with some sand between by toes---focused on my priorities and looking onward and ever upward." p 212
Jenny writes how her marriage came to be, the strong faith they both had, their strong convictions to each other and to God, and their 4 sons. Then she shares the heartbreak, disappointment and anguish she felt when she learned, just shortly before the rest of the world, that her husband was having an affair with a woman from Argentina.
I really enjoyed this book, not in a good/happy way, but in a way that you feel right along with her what she is feeling, she's open, honest, and blunt at times, all while maintaining her strong faith and convictions, and never lost her own sense of self-worth and values. She maintains her dignity, refuses to stand by him while he confesses publicly what he's done, and even shares how he continued to plead with her to let him spend more visits with his girlfriend, instead of wanting to work on their marriage. Several times, I commented OUT LOUD, What a jerk! (or something worse) about his comments and behavior. He even looked her in the eye and said he would not see this woman and within the next several hours, booked plane reservations to go see her!!! UGH!
I have the utomost admiration for Jenny, what she endured, and how she strove to maintain a proper set of values and guidelines for herself and her four sons through this betrayal.
Favorite Quotes:
while writing about her grandparents: "I hadn't yet found the man who had inspired that kind of devotion, the kind of man worthy of the kind of love I knew I was capable of giving. Although I hadn't experienced it yet myself, I expected that the platitudes about true love were absolutely true. I imagined that it would involve understanding, patience, sacrifice, selflessness, and commitment. If I was going to commit, I would give it my all. I wanted to pledge loyalty to another person, to a set of values, goals, and dreams, and to a family. I realize that to some this might seem the opposite of romantic, but I saw from watching and talking to my parents that passion and romance come and go through the seasons of life; what sustains you are shared values and common goals. I found 'that' incredibly romantic." p.11
"And then there's the simple truth that i had come to understand and that I wanted to model for our kids: What matters most is how you live your life, not what you have to show for it. I ask myself if I have tried my best to love my family, to improve my character, to make a positive impact on the world in some small way. I know who I love and I know who loves me, and if I have made a positive impression on others, that's great. .... I had come to understand by then and live by it still today: At the end of the day I need to be happy with myself and my own behavior in light of the person I know I can be and in light of the person I want to be in the eyes of our Lord, the ultimate judge, the only one that matters." p 116
"During this time Mark took it upon himself to create what he called the Sanford Family Constitution. when he read it to us over dinner one evening, I nodded in agreement. Everything in it described my own belief system as well. ...This document described a vision for our family in which "God is glorified and the communities each of our lives touches are better because of the lives we live Toward that end, our mission is to be a nurturing, loving and fun safe harbor and home place---where each member is loved unconditionally for who they are, where values are instilled, and where each person is encouraged to develop their talents, find their passion and pursue it with excellence to indeed glorify God and make the world a better place." The family constitution also talked about the things we value: love, faith, passion and excellence, hard work, appreciation, honor and integrity, fun and stewardship and responsibility.
I have a difficult time now looking at this family doctrine in light of Mark's recent actions. " p 138
"He was able to make it all happen without me knowing and certainly without any immediate consequences from me or to his job. It's ironic that I was more deeply in love with him than I had been in a decade while he was feeling powerful, independent, and righteous in his growing success." p 145
"Perhaps this is how our lives together started to twist out of balance. Our fundamental differences in pace probably should have worried me years before when I saw the lists of his goals. Instead, I believed the difference between Mark's desire for immediate success and my sense of the story of our lives spooling out over time would balance each other out. I could take the long view, and he would specialize in the here and now." p 153
"At some point in the evening Mark came in, hugged me gently, and assured me everything was going to be okay. How I wanted to believe that! What a wonderful thing it would have been to just believe that and try to move on. But as anyone who has ever been betrayed knows, we can't really outsmart or overrule the part of the brain that has registered that betrayal." p 172
"I had long since realized that marriage to Mark was not going to be all roses or romance. Certainly I didn't always feel loved by him or have that 'in-love' feeling for him as often as I would have liked, but that, I rationalized---and believed---was real marriage. I had faith that we had a real marriage, one that could weather the periods fo distance and come back again to connection. Our stresses were real but were focused in an honorable direction. My daily prayers had always included prayers for my marriage. After finding that letter, I needed God's love and grace even more powerfully." p 174
"How could he possibly think I would let him go through with the plan I had seen him make in that email, a plan to spend two nights in New York with her? I asked incredulously. I told him repeatedly that I felt it was one thing to forgive adultery but in no way could I condone it, especially in my own marriage. I wrestled with this very thing in my journal that night: "I trust his intentions are good---he says it is over---but how can I trust the result when faced with such temptation? And what of the lack of humility? The lack of respect for me? Is he not putting her feelings over mine? Does he really love me?" p 175
"Faith requires prayer and time, and I suspected Mark's prayers had been neglected given the demands on his time. The world around us conspires to make finding time for prayer difficult. A well-known Psalm says "Be still and know that I am God." In 'A Gift from the Sea', Anne Morrow Lindbergh also talks of the importance of seeking solitude amidst our multitasking lives. She speaks of the importance of finding empty space---because, as she puts it, our time is all used up or scribbled on. It is in this empty space, or when we can be still, that we find God and reaconnect with our true inner self. My sense of security for our marriage came from a deep well of understanding of ebb and flow, a concept that honored commitment over the long haul and was founded in my faith. In accepting our distance as an inevitable part of eventually coming back together, I had settled into a peace with our life and lifestyle with the help of my prayers." p 176
"After a few good weeks he became distant again, and before long he was pestering me for permission to see his lover that summer so he could find "the key to his heart." That he would consider asking me repeatedly for permission to see his lover again was unfathomable. It was one thing for me to forgive his indiscretions and move toward reconciliation, but to condone it further meant for me to compromise my own morals and integrity. That was a bridge too far for me and cut deeply against my faith. I have committed plenty of moral sins in my past, but in each case I have grown in the aftermath, begging forgiveness from the Lord or from others and moving on as a better person, learning from past mistakes. But this was missing with Mark. He seemed to be traveling a path of his own making, seeking his own comfort, no longer guided by a power above. I began to see him as lost, disconnected from his basic values, and I began to pray differently. Now I prayed for His will to be done and for me to bear the future with grace and peace. I asked for calm for my boys and acceptance of the future. I sought understanding of Mark's actions and prayed that the Lord would wake him to the error of his ways. I praised more and asked less. " p 179
"In early May I wrote in my journal, "Allowing my husband to see his lover for whatever reason goes against who I am and my entire sense of right and wrong. I explained this over and over to Mark but he thought I was not hearing or understanding him. I understand him---he loves someone else and he wants to have one final fling with her to see if it brings 'true happiness' before he settles with me and puts his 'heart to rest' over her. What he does not see is how morally offensive it is to me to even listen to this. It is ripping my heart up and I told him so." p 186
"I walked with Mark out to the driveway. I told him, 'You look me in the eye and tell me you will not see her.'
"I will not see her," he said. He had always prided himself on his honesty.
"You mean it?"
"I will not see her," he said, before departing with security for Columbia (South Carolina).
Apparently, within a few hours, he bought his ticket to Argentina.
p 190
"If there is any overriding message from this summer that I wanted our boys to remember it was that you may choose your sin but you cannot choose the consequences. Actions and sin do have consequences. The full consequences of the choices Mark made are still being discovered. I hope, though, that my boys have learned that dishonesty rarely serves one well, and it is always better to 'walk in the truth'. " p 197
"How long, I wondered, had I had my head in the sand? I couldn't help but think I had been deceived through the entire marriage, and for the first time in all that painful year I felt duped. Mark had handled me the way he'd tried to handle the press. He'd given me just enough information when he had to, but clearly he hadn't given me the whole story. Not back in January. And maybe not even now. How could I know? How would I ever really know? p 203
"I have loved and will love again. I have lived these married years as loyally, as honestly, as lovingly and as committed as I could. I have worked hard and enjoyed our successes. I have given of myself, have been blessed with incredible friendships, and have worked on building character---mine and our children's. With the strength of my faith and the blessings in my midst I am ready for the next chapter of my life where I hope to fully live each day, love each moment, and find joy along the way. I have known that character, self-respect, and integrity are so difficult to develop and earn and so easy to lose. I have tried my best to act responsibly, patiently, and fairly and will freely welcome the next chapter with no regrets from the past and no fears for the future. I will persevere with my feet firmly planted---preferably with some sand between by toes---focused on my priorities and looking onward and ever upward." p 212
September 2, 2024
A friend (MH) sent me this book in a box of books. I thought from the title that it would either be about marriage or challenges to faith--I guess it is a little bit of both. The book reminds me a bit of the premise of the first season of the TV series "The Good Wife" though, unlike the fictional Alicia Florek, Jenny Sanford chooses not to stand by her husband while he publicly admits his infidelity.
The structure of the book, though common for the genre these days, bothers me. It opens with the revelation that Gov. Mark Sanford lied to his wife about ending his affair with an Argentinian woman, but then the chapters backtrack to Jenny Sanford's life and when she met Mark, etc. Though these chapters are essential to explaining Jenny's beliefs and faith that help sustain her throughout her life, it's still a bit of a let down after that bombshell of an introduction.
I do hope that Mark truly loved her at some point. Mostly for her sake, because I don't want to her have been so wrong about someone she thought would be her partner for life.
The structure of the book, though common for the genre these days, bothers me. It opens with the revelation that Gov. Mark Sanford lied to his wife about ending his affair with an Argentinian woman, but then the chapters backtrack to Jenny Sanford's life and when she met Mark, etc. Though these chapters are essential to explaining Jenny's beliefs and faith that help sustain her throughout her life, it's still a bit of a let down after that bombshell of an introduction.
I do hope that Mark truly loved her at some point. Mostly for her sake, because I don't want to her have been so wrong about someone she thought would be her partner for life.
June 6, 2025
Easy to read and kept me interested. Jenny is an accomplished and articulate woman who seems to value what really matters. I do think she married the wrong guy in the face of many bad signs (not a crime, many of us have been there), but it struck me how completely ungentlemanly her husband was from day one. From not picking her up at the airport to the obnoxious “joke” of a premarital contract… what on earth… he’s a loser, and he’s a cheap loser. I’m so glad to see she’s happily remarried. I do hope her sons learned from her gracious example over their father’s. The book is interesting especially if you’re from this area and have familiarity with the politics too. I think she could have elaborated more at times, but in general, it’s a mildly entertaining and enjoying read.
June 23, 2022
This book has been on my shelf for years. I originally was curious about Jenny Sanford when I bought it but lost interest as DC scandals seem the norm. I dismissed her as a naive Southern Belle. Reading it now proved me wrong. She’s not even from the South…
Jenny Sanford was a capable woman that married a narcissist. She gave up a successful career to support him and raise her family. She was taking a traditional role common in her “day” especially for Christian wives. Women are quite different today so the book might feel “outdated” but for anyone interested in understanding the sacrifices of a political spouse, this is a good quick read.
Jenny Sanford was a capable woman that married a narcissist. She gave up a successful career to support him and raise her family. She was taking a traditional role common in her “day” especially for Christian wives. Women are quite different today so the book might feel “outdated” but for anyone interested in understanding the sacrifices of a political spouse, this is a good quick read.
May 15, 2025
I really do like personal stories. My mom sent this book to me. It was interesting to read about real struggles and see her overcome them. I think she wrote this book for herself. (she may have even said that in the beginning of the book...I can't remember). But I felt it was a way for her to let everyone know what type of woman she is beyond what they saw of her being married to a politician. I think she felt like she needed to get it out there that she was a good wife and a good mom. I hope it brought her peace.
October 9, 2017
Picked this audio book up at a book sale thinking I was going to getting a vindictive tell-all about yet another hypocritical, family-values Republican. Instead, this is a rather clear-eyed, introspective account, read by the author, by a capable and accomplished woman examining her marriage to an ambitious politician and his often puzzling and tone-deaf behavior. I don't agree with their politics or her pat religious pronouncements, but I was impressed by her honesty and restraint.
March 22, 2020
This memoir was very candid, personal, and well written. I had my thoughts about Mr. Sanford when news broke of his affair, but never realized how cruel and pathetic his behavior really was. I read some of the pages thinking, "this absolutely could not have happened," but realize that what I read was not fiction.
December 28, 2020
Inspirational
I’m not sure why it took so long for me to read this book but I truly everything happens for a reason and at the right time. I absolutely love reading Mrs. Sanford. It’s was profound and eye opening and I appreciate her openness and vulnerability.
I’m not sure why it took so long for me to read this book but I truly everything happens for a reason and at the right time. I absolutely love reading Mrs. Sanford. It’s was profound and eye opening and I appreciate her openness and vulnerability.
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