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A Particular Friendship
'London guests staying hate it. Keeps them awake all night they complain. The bleating in the utter stillness. I heal with it, as you did.'
This epistolary collection finds Bogarde at his most honest and touching, engaging in conversation with a woman he has never met and whose only interest in him comes from the simple fact that he now happens to live in a house that she once owned. These letters provide an insight into the wit and intelligence of a great man without the stifling constraints of other literary forms. It presents us with a platform and a relationship that allows Bogarde to freely reminisce, discuss politics, gossip about those around him and provide razor-sharp cameo portraits of the famous. The letters were all composed before Bogarde saw himself as an author and stand as a testament to his literary talent, his domestic sensibilities, as well as his unquestionable compassion in sharing so much with a complete stranger.
First published in 1989, A Particular Friendship follows Bogarde's first four memoirs.
This epistolary collection finds Bogarde at his most honest and touching, engaging in conversation with a woman he has never met and whose only interest in him comes from the simple fact that he now happens to live in a house that she once owned. These letters provide an insight into the wit and intelligence of a great man without the stifling constraints of other literary forms. It presents us with a platform and a relationship that allows Bogarde to freely reminisce, discuss politics, gossip about those around him and provide razor-sharp cameo portraits of the famous. The letters were all composed before Bogarde saw himself as an author and stand as a testament to his literary talent, his domestic sensibilities, as well as his unquestionable compassion in sharing so much with a complete stranger.
First published in 1989, A Particular Friendship follows Bogarde's first four memoirs.
200 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1989
5 people are currently reading
64 people want to read
About the author
Dirk Bogarde
37 books29 followersDirk Jules Gaspard Ulric Niven van den Bogaerde was born of mixed Flemish, Dutch and Scottish ancestry, and baptised on 30 October 1921 at St. Mary's Church, Kilburn. His father, Ulric van den Bogaerde (born in Perry Barr, Birmingham; 1892–1972), was the art editor of The Times and his mother, Margaret Niven (1898–1980), was a former actress. He attended University College School, the former Allan Glen's School in Glasgow (a time he described in his autobiography as unhappy, although others have disputed his account) and later studied at the Chelsea College of Art and Design. He began his acting career on stage in 1939, shortly before the start of World War II.
Bogarde served in World War II, being commissioned into the Queen's Royal Regiment in 1943. He reached the rank of captain and served in both the European and Pacific theatres, principally as an intelligence officer. Taylor Downing's book "Spies in the Sky" tells of his work with a specialist unit interpreting aerial photo-reconnaissance information, before moving to Normandy with Canadian forces. Bogarde claimed to have been one of the first Allied officers in April 1945 to reach the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in Germany, an experience that had the most profound effect on him and about which he found it difficult to speak for many years afterward. As John Carey has summed up with regard to John Coldstream's authorised biography however, "it is virtually impossible that he (Bogarde) saw Belsen or any other camp. Things he overheard or read seem to have entered his imagination and been mistaken for lived experience." Coldstream's analysis seems to conclude that this was indeed the case. Nonetheless, the horror and revulsion at the cruelty and inhumanity that he claimed to have witnessed still left him with a deep-seated hostility towards Germany; in the late-1980s he wrote that he would disembark from a lift rather than ride with a German of his generation. Nevertheless, three of his more memorable film roles were as Germans, one of them as a former SS officer in 'The Night Porter'.
Bogarde's London West End theatre-acting debut was in 1939, with the stage name 'Derek Bogaerde', in J. B. Priestley's play Cornelius. After the war his agent renamed him 'Dirk Bogarde' and his good looks helped him begin a career as a film actor, contracted to The Rank Organisation under the wing of the prolific independent film producer Betty Box, who produced most of his early films and was instrumental in creating his matinée idol image.
During the 1950s, Bogarde came to prominence playing a hoodlum who shoots and kills a police constable in The Blue Lamp (1950) co-starring Jack Warner and Bernard Lee; a handsome artist who comes to rescue of Jean Simmons during the World's Fair in Paris in So Long at the Fair, a film noir thriller; an accidental murderer who befriends a young boy played by Jon Whiteley in Hunted (aka The Stranger in Between) (1952); in Appointment in London (1953) as a young wing commander in Bomber Command who, against orders, opts to fly his 90th mission with his men in a major air offensive against the Germans; an unjustly imprisoned man who regains hope in clearing his name when he learns his sweetheart, Mai Zetterling, is still alive in Desperate Moment (1953); Doctor in the House (1954), as a medical student, in a film that made Bogarde one of the most popular British stars of the 1950s, and co-starring Kenneth More, Donald Sinden and James Robertson Justice as their crabby mentor; The Sleeping Tiger (1954), playing a neurotic criminal with co-star Alexis Smith, and Bogarde's first film for American expatriate director Joseph Losey; Doctor at Sea (1955), co-starring Brigitte Bardot in one of her first film roles.
Bogarde continued acting until 1990. 'Daddy Nostalgie' was his final film.
Bogarde served in World War II, being commissioned into the Queen's Royal Regiment in 1943. He reached the rank of captain and served in both the European and Pacific theatres, principally as an intelligence officer. Taylor Downing's book "Spies in the Sky" tells of his work with a specialist unit interpreting aerial photo-reconnaissance information, before moving to Normandy with Canadian forces. Bogarde claimed to have been one of the first Allied officers in April 1945 to reach the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in Germany, an experience that had the most profound effect on him and about which he found it difficult to speak for many years afterward. As John Carey has summed up with regard to John Coldstream's authorised biography however, "it is virtually impossible that he (Bogarde) saw Belsen or any other camp. Things he overheard or read seem to have entered his imagination and been mistaken for lived experience." Coldstream's analysis seems to conclude that this was indeed the case. Nonetheless, the horror and revulsion at the cruelty and inhumanity that he claimed to have witnessed still left him with a deep-seated hostility towards Germany; in the late-1980s he wrote that he would disembark from a lift rather than ride with a German of his generation. Nevertheless, three of his more memorable film roles were as Germans, one of them as a former SS officer in 'The Night Porter'.
Bogarde's London West End theatre-acting debut was in 1939, with the stage name 'Derek Bogaerde', in J. B. Priestley's play Cornelius. After the war his agent renamed him 'Dirk Bogarde' and his good looks helped him begin a career as a film actor, contracted to The Rank Organisation under the wing of the prolific independent film producer Betty Box, who produced most of his early films and was instrumental in creating his matinée idol image.
During the 1950s, Bogarde came to prominence playing a hoodlum who shoots and kills a police constable in The Blue Lamp (1950) co-starring Jack Warner and Bernard Lee; a handsome artist who comes to rescue of Jean Simmons during the World's Fair in Paris in So Long at the Fair, a film noir thriller; an accidental murderer who befriends a young boy played by Jon Whiteley in Hunted (aka The Stranger in Between) (1952); in Appointment in London (1953) as a young wing commander in Bomber Command who, against orders, opts to fly his 90th mission with his men in a major air offensive against the Germans; an unjustly imprisoned man who regains hope in clearing his name when he learns his sweetheart, Mai Zetterling, is still alive in Desperate Moment (1953); Doctor in the House (1954), as a medical student, in a film that made Bogarde one of the most popular British stars of the 1950s, and co-starring Kenneth More, Donald Sinden and James Robertson Justice as their crabby mentor; The Sleeping Tiger (1954), playing a neurotic criminal with co-star Alexis Smith, and Bogarde's first film for American expatriate director Joseph Losey; Doctor at Sea (1955), co-starring Brigitte Bardot in one of her first film roles.
Bogarde continued acting until 1990. 'Daddy Nostalgie' was his final film.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
August 3, 2013
It's always a pleasant surprise to chance upon a book that touches the depths of one's soul, brings out a full-throated laugh or chuckle, and leaves you wanting MORE.
This is a compilation by the movie star Dirk Bogarde of a correspondence (via letter and postcards, which he affectionately dubbed "starlings") he maintained with an expatriate Englishwoman (making her home in the U.S.A.) between 1967 and 1972. The correspondence began by accident. The Englishwoman (known as Mrs. X), while getting her hair "coiffed" in a beauty salon one day, came across a magazine containing an interview Bogarde gave to a journalist in which he touched upon a house he had recently acquired in the English countryside. It so happened to be the very house Mrs. X had lived in during the Thirties before leaving for America in 1939. She wrote Bogarde a short letter informing him of this fact. Bogarde was so intrigued by her letter that he wrote her back. In response, Mrs. X sent him photos of the house as it looked during her time there, which greatly impressed him. Thus began their correspondence, in which a few ground rules were set: both would communicate with each other solely by mail (and never try to communicate by phone), neither of them would request a photo of the other (thus reserving a special kind of anonymity between them - though, later, Mrs. X did by happenstance glimpse Bogarde in a couple of TV interviews), and both would be very discreet about their correspondence.
What quickly becomes evident is how much of a witty, engaging writer Bogarde was. I admit to having been intrigued about Bogarde for years, though I've only seen a portion of one of his movies, and have read in magazines scattered interviews he had given. Now, having read this wonderful and endearing book, it makes me wish I could have met him at one of the weekend dinners he'd have at his English home for his friends (many of them in the movie, political, and literary worlds), and absorb all the bubbly conversations.
I'd like to cite the following except from a letter Bogarde wrote to Mrs. X from the Hotel Bristol in Vienna (October 27th, 1967). He was in the process of making a film in nearby Budapest, which struck him as a rather depressing place:
"Budapest very sad. Scarred by the war and the revolution of '56 ... almost no trees in the streets, many cut down for barricades or firewood. Buildings shabby, shell-pocked, some gutted still. People, particularly the women, quite smart ... even though the fabric is what we called in the war 'utility'. Very little choice, but they have a great Chic, and make do wonderfully. Goods in the shops in short supply, except in the Tourist Shop in which you can only spend in dollars. Great many Russian uniforms in evidence, not in the City so much as just outside. ... There is a drabness and resignation everywhere. The failure in '56 has corroded deeply. ... The old Ritz a grey office block now, heavily guarded by booted and armed gentlemen who waved us away furiously. Food dull, meat twice a week ... except in the Tourists' Restaurants which are attractive but hideous with Gypsy Music and violins at every table. Which I simply detest! And the food is always served cold on cold plates. Wine OK. If you don't get bored stiff with Bulls Blood and Tokai ... However, the people are charming and warm, and the Hungarian crew at the studio are excellent, and pathetically excited that this film is the very first Hollywood-Hungarian Production. I hope they don't get cheated. ... Met a very pleasant man who was a Count before the war, now a janitor in a block of flats which entitles him to a room. He was very civilized, amusing, and courageous. 'I am the perfect example', he said, 'of the new slogan of which we are all so proud. {We have put the Bottom at the Top, and the Top at the Bottom.}' They have too; and it is almost always disaster. You can't turn a boiler maker into a concierge overnight. But they sure as hell have tried. The top Party members, who dine constantly in the Hotel dining room, with their ample wives stuffed into satin and fur and all a-glitter with jewels, look exactly like Nixon. Doubtless with the same ambitions. ... Why Communism has to be so utterly joyless I cannot imagine. Why so grey? Why so vindictive? Why so terrifyingly humourless? Have you ever known an amusing Communist, or a witty one? Or, at least of all ever, a funny one?'
This book has whetted my appetite to read more Bogarde.
This is a compilation by the movie star Dirk Bogarde of a correspondence (via letter and postcards, which he affectionately dubbed "starlings") he maintained with an expatriate Englishwoman (making her home in the U.S.A.) between 1967 and 1972. The correspondence began by accident. The Englishwoman (known as Mrs. X), while getting her hair "coiffed" in a beauty salon one day, came across a magazine containing an interview Bogarde gave to a journalist in which he touched upon a house he had recently acquired in the English countryside. It so happened to be the very house Mrs. X had lived in during the Thirties before leaving for America in 1939. She wrote Bogarde a short letter informing him of this fact. Bogarde was so intrigued by her letter that he wrote her back. In response, Mrs. X sent him photos of the house as it looked during her time there, which greatly impressed him. Thus began their correspondence, in which a few ground rules were set: both would communicate with each other solely by mail (and never try to communicate by phone), neither of them would request a photo of the other (thus reserving a special kind of anonymity between them - though, later, Mrs. X did by happenstance glimpse Bogarde in a couple of TV interviews), and both would be very discreet about their correspondence.
What quickly becomes evident is how much of a witty, engaging writer Bogarde was. I admit to having been intrigued about Bogarde for years, though I've only seen a portion of one of his movies, and have read in magazines scattered interviews he had given. Now, having read this wonderful and endearing book, it makes me wish I could have met him at one of the weekend dinners he'd have at his English home for his friends (many of them in the movie, political, and literary worlds), and absorb all the bubbly conversations.
I'd like to cite the following except from a letter Bogarde wrote to Mrs. X from the Hotel Bristol in Vienna (October 27th, 1967). He was in the process of making a film in nearby Budapest, which struck him as a rather depressing place:
"Budapest very sad. Scarred by the war and the revolution of '56 ... almost no trees in the streets, many cut down for barricades or firewood. Buildings shabby, shell-pocked, some gutted still. People, particularly the women, quite smart ... even though the fabric is what we called in the war 'utility'. Very little choice, but they have a great Chic, and make do wonderfully. Goods in the shops in short supply, except in the Tourist Shop in which you can only spend in dollars. Great many Russian uniforms in evidence, not in the City so much as just outside. ... There is a drabness and resignation everywhere. The failure in '56 has corroded deeply. ... The old Ritz a grey office block now, heavily guarded by booted and armed gentlemen who waved us away furiously. Food dull, meat twice a week ... except in the Tourists' Restaurants which are attractive but hideous with Gypsy Music and violins at every table. Which I simply detest! And the food is always served cold on cold plates. Wine OK. If you don't get bored stiff with Bulls Blood and Tokai ... However, the people are charming and warm, and the Hungarian crew at the studio are excellent, and pathetically excited that this film is the very first Hollywood-Hungarian Production. I hope they don't get cheated. ... Met a very pleasant man who was a Count before the war, now a janitor in a block of flats which entitles him to a room. He was very civilized, amusing, and courageous. 'I am the perfect example', he said, 'of the new slogan of which we are all so proud. {We have put the Bottom at the Top, and the Top at the Bottom.}' They have too; and it is almost always disaster. You can't turn a boiler maker into a concierge overnight. But they sure as hell have tried. The top Party members, who dine constantly in the Hotel dining room, with their ample wives stuffed into satin and fur and all a-glitter with jewels, look exactly like Nixon. Doubtless with the same ambitions. ... Why Communism has to be so utterly joyless I cannot imagine. Why so grey? Why so vindictive? Why so terrifyingly humourless? Have you ever known an amusing Communist, or a witty one? Or, at least of all ever, a funny one?'
This book has whetted my appetite to read more Bogarde.
November 13, 2009
I rationed this book desperately...to make it last longer. The ending, as with most endings, is heartbreaking. I can't believe they wrote each other almost every day for years and we only get a glimpse. I know, privacy is important, but I was swept away and want more. Can I just add that no one writes letters anymore and the ones I write go unanswered?
February 8, 2017
Probably 3.5 stars. I didn't enjoy it as much as "A Short Walk from Harrods", but the letters were interesting to read all the same. An interesting way to have a relationship, when the two could have met. I wonder why they agreed never to do so. And I would have liked to have read more of Mrs X's letters than the few bits quoted.
February 4, 2021
An interesting book. It would have been enhanced if it had included more of his correspondent's letters.
I think his insistence that their friendship remain on paper points to a lack of personal confidence. Illusions (perceived or not) are easier to maintain when face-to-face contact is excluded. His public persona was perhaps the impression he wanted to maintain rather than that of the real man. His frequent name-dropping also added to his aura.
You can't help but like him though and I'm sure Mrs X would have liked the real man as well.
I think his insistence that their friendship remain on paper points to a lack of personal confidence. Illusions (perceived or not) are easier to maintain when face-to-face contact is excluded. His public persona was perhaps the impression he wanted to maintain rather than that of the real man. His frequent name-dropping also added to his aura.
You can't help but like him though and I'm sure Mrs X would have liked the real man as well.
August 15, 2024
Quaint and "low key fascinating". Such an unusual pattern of coincidences brought the author and a complete stranger to have a back and forth correspondence for several years. All this started with a house. I enjoyed this book very much
February 19, 2025
Gay. Tons of Flower Talk.
June 18, 2014
I knew Dirk Bogarde was a great actor. I had no idea he was a fine writer as well. This is a collection of letters he wrote during the late '60s-early '70's to an unnamed woman. It reminded me a bit of the correspondence between Helene Hanff and Frank Doel of 84 Charing Cross Road, except that Hanff and Doel wanted to meet and planned several times to do so; sadly, Doel died before they could. In contrast Bogarde and "Mrs. X" agreed from the very beginning that not only would they never meet they would not attempt telephone contact or even exchange photos. Bogarde did point out that Mrs. x could cheat by reading interviews and seeing his movies. However he took pains to let her know all she really knew about him was what he put in his letters. If you're a Bogarde fan you'll have great fun trying to figure out which movies he's talking about as he doesn't always name them. No dirt about co-stars, directors, etc. One caveat -- I did grow weary of his shots at Americans, particularly "The American Female". On the other hand he was talking about American tourists and if the ones he met truly spoke and acted as he described they probably deserved his disdain. Still it jarred after awhile because as a rule he was quite gentlemanly.
May 1, 2016
Truth is better than fiction. Dirk tries to convince us that this is the real him. A wonderful collection of letters he wrote to Mrs X, an unnamed friend in America who had once owned the house he lived in near Crowborough, East Sussex.
The letters float us through vivid descriptions of people, places, experiences and feelings in a style so acerbic you could bottle it and sell it as vinegar. At times pompous, frequently loathing of himself and others, and keen to demonstrate characteristics of someone whose politics sit very much on the right of centre, this book shows a "fillum star" personality that is frequently very difficult to like but has an air, a style and a grace of communicating his thoughts that is very easy to love.
The letters float us through vivid descriptions of people, places, experiences and feelings in a style so acerbic you could bottle it and sell it as vinegar. At times pompous, frequently loathing of himself and others, and keen to demonstrate characteristics of someone whose politics sit very much on the right of centre, this book shows a "fillum star" personality that is frequently very difficult to like but has an air, a style and a grace of communicating his thoughts that is very easy to love.
July 20, 2022
A re-viewing of Darling made me appreciate and read up on Bogarde. And was pleasantly surprised to learn he was a writer of poetry and prose. Pretty good, too. So I started with this set of letters he wrote to an American woman who used to live in his rural England home. A five-year correspondence. She started out as a non-fan, but towards the end I think she was very much infatuated with him. He comes out as literary, sensitive, and self-centered. And he vacillates. They never meet, because he was adamant that the friendship remain an affair of letters. Oh well--here's something unlikely to happen in this digital day and age.
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October 9, 2009A Particular Friendship by Dirk Bogarde (1990)
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews