Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate, When to Fight

by Robert Mnookin

The art of negotiation—from one of the country’s most eminent practitioners and the Chair of the Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation.One of the country’s most eminent practitioners of the art and science of negotiation offers practical advice for the most challenging conflicts—when you are facing an adversary you don’t trust, who may harm you, or who you may even feel is evil. This lively, informative, emotionally compelling book identifies the tools one needs to make wise decisions about life’s most challenging conflicts.

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Psychology, Communication, Self Help, Law, Personal Development

336 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[p · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm torn, because I liked this book for reasons very different than why I picked it up.

To begin with, I very much disliked almost all of Mnookin's analysis and discussion. I found it to be trite at best, and incorrect at worst. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what I didn't like, but essentially Mnookin did not shy away from injecting his own personal opinions on whether people are evil, and he seemed to fall into some of the traps he described.

Mnookin also seems to love putting things into boxes, even when things don't fit very nicely. I understand it's easier for others to digest labels and delineated concepts, but when you have a book titled "Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate, When to Fight," it should be expected that things are not going to fall into nice neat little boxes.

Moreover, as a mediator I felt Mnookin fell short (though his credentials are much better than mine!) The most upsetting thing, to me at least, that he wrote was: "The [family] had come to me for help resolving a real estate dispute. They hadn't hired me as a therapist. Would it be wise to invite them to address their relationship directly in the mediation?" The very crux of mediation is to peel the onion layers until you get to the heart of the matter. Mnookin shouldn't act as a therapist, nor should he ignore the relationship issues causing the real estate dispute. He should MEDIATE the relationship issues because that's why they're paying him big bucks. (That's what he ended up doing, but the quoted paragraph makes him sound like a novice mediator.)

Finally, the positives: Mnookin did a great job in the chapters describing historical figures and their decision-making dilemmas. Obviously, he had to omit some details for space, but it gave me a better appreciation of figures like Nelson Mandela and Churchill. He provided a lot of historical context and pinpointed best he could what information the figures had at the time of their decisions. Again, I hated hid analysis, but most of the book was storytelling.

The chapter on Mnookin teaching the San Francisco orchestra how to negotiate more effectively was also a fun read. Again, except for his analysis at the end.

[Kevin Connery · Rating 2 out of 5]

Seemed to be decently written, but most of the book was stories about situations, and not the ethics behind them. The first couple of chapters were useful, and there were tidbits scattered throughout, but wading through hundreds of pages of history (Churchill, Eichmann, Fujitsu vs IBM, etc) turned what could have been an excellent *short* guide into a very bloated tome. My recommendation: If you’re interested in the topic, read the first 2 chapters at the bookstore or library, and skip the rest.

[Michael Fortner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is kind of the next step up from "Getting to Yes" by Roger Fisher and William Ury. But in addition to teaching some core principles, it is also gives some great narratives of important events and people in history, including Winston Churchill’s negotiations with Hitler and Nelson Mandela's negotiations with F.W. de Klerk and the ANC. In all, a great read.

[Jaunius · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe that Robert Mnookin wrote the book Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate, When to Fight to capture his experience as a legal scholar and world-renowned arbitrator. I won't hide that the first part, covering real situations of international diplomacy and hostages, was more interesting, while moving towards the end of the book and decreasing the size and complexity of the disputes, the interest waned. However, it must be emphasized that the book's author offers a compelling exploration of negotiation and confrontation in both high- and low-risk situations. According to Mnookin, every situation is unique and the decision to negotiate or fight depends on a myriad of factors. Some readers may prefer more specific guidance, but the book's strength lies in its recognition of the complexities inherent in negotiation and conflict resolution.

The book introduces the concept of "negotiation jujitsu", emphasizing the strategic use of the enemy's strengths against oneself. Mnookin also acknowledges the complexity of ethical dilemmas and argues that understanding the motivations of all parties involved is essential to successful negotiations. It is also important to mention that the writer delves into the role of emotions in negotiations, providing valuable insights in solving both international diplomacy and personal conflicts. Before deciding whether to read this book or not, I would suggest that you consider the fact that the book feels somewhat theoretically dry, but there are insights that are worth knowing not only for those who negotiate because of their specialization on a daily basis and, in reality, their income depends on the success of those negotiations. In fact, the book is intended for a much wider readership, since we all constantly enter into various contracts and agreements, the terms of which are almost always subject to negotiation.

⭐️⭐⭐⭐

Manau, kad Robert Mnookin parašė knygą „Derybos su velniu: kada derėtis, kada kovoti“ tam, kad įamžintų savo, kaip teisės srities mokslininko ir tuo pačiu pasaulinio garso bylų arbitro, patirtį. Neslėpsiu, jog pirmoji dalis, apimanti realias tarptautinės diplomatijos ir įkaitų situacijas, buvo įdomesnė, o judant link knygos pabaigos ir mažėjant ginčų dydžiui ir kompleksiškumui, susidomėjimas traukėsi. Tačiau reikia pabrėžti, kad knygos autorius siūlo įtikinamą derybų ir konfrontacijos tyrinėjimą itin didelės ir mažesnės rizikos situacijose.
Anot Mnookin, kiekviena situacija yra unikali ir sprendimas, derėtis ar kovoti, priklauso nuo daugybės veiksnių. Kai kurie skaitytojai gali teikti pirmenybę konkretesnėms gairėms, tačiau knygos stiprybė slypi pripažįstant sudėtingumą, būdingą deryboms ir konfliktų sprendimui.

Knygoje pristatoma „derybų džiudžitsu“ sąvoka, pabrėžiant strateginį priešo privalumų panaudojimą prieš jį patį. Mnookin taip pat pripažįsta etinių dilemų sudėtingumą ir teigia, kad sėkmingoms deryboms būtina suprasti visų dalyvaujančių šalių motyvus. Svarbu paminėti dar ir tai, jog rašytojas gilinasi į emocijų vaidmenį derybose, suteikdamas vertingų įžvalgų sprendžiant tiek tarptautinę diplomatiją, tiek asmeninius konfliktus. Prieš nusprendžiant, skaityti šią knygą ar ne, siūlyčiau įsivertinti tai, kad knygoje jaučiasi tam tikras teorinis sausumas, bet yra įžvalgų, kurias verta žinoti ne tik tiems, kurie dėl savo specializacijos derasi kasdien ir realiai nuo tų derybų sėkmės priklauso jų pajamos. Iš tikrųjų, knyga skirta daug platesniam skaitytojų ratui, nes mes visi nuolatos sudarome įvairiausias sutartis ir susitarimus, kurių sąlygos beveik visada yra derybų objektai.

[Leon Atterberry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great title and some very good information. The section about Nelson Mandela was EXCELLENT. As much as we may hate it, sometimes you do have to “bargain with the devil”.

[Largo Vanderkelen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interessant boek.

Robert Mnookin maakt niet enkel gebruik van historische voorbeelden, maar ook van eigen ervaringen uit zijn carrière als bemiddelaar en mediator. Het boek is opgebouwd rond drie soorten 'duivels': staten, bedrijven en personen. Het is boeiend om te zien hoe elk niveau zijn eigen aanpak vergt. Het deel over conflicten tussen bedrijven kon me het minst vasthouden.

Het is zeker en vast geen handboek over 'hoe te bemiddelen', maar er zijn wel praktische lessen te trekken uit de aangereikte voorbeelden. Wie een praktische stap-voor-stapgids zoekt, kijkt beter naar een ander boek. Wie echter op zoek is naar de reflecties van een ervaringsdeskundige over de ups en downs van het mediëren/bemiddelen, is hier aan het juiste adres.

Soms miste ik een kritische noot doorheen het boek. Ergens is het logisch dat de schrijver zijn vuile was niet buiten hangt, maar toch... Gelukkig kwam deze kritische reflectie alsnog aan bod in de conclusie van het boek.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was between 4 and 5 stars for this book. 4 stars for how much I enjoyed it but 5 stars since the book accomplishes exactly what it sets out to do and it is organized effectively to that end.

I originally picked up this book because I was interested in warfare and when violence is applicable. Naturally, I wanted to learn more about when to negotiate and when to fight.

The book doesn’t provide a thorough moral analysis for negotiating but rather a basic framework for deciding ‘to negotiate’ and assessing the outcome. If you are looking for a more in-depth analysis of moral judgements as they play into decision making, I recommend doing some different background reading on morality and judgement prior to jumping into this book about negotiating skills. I read a book called ‘Justice’ by Michael Sandel about a year before reading this and I’m glad I did.

It is fitting that this book does not dive too deep into each moral dilemma. The author outlines the morals at play in various negotiations and how they affect each parties’ interests and decision making for effective negotiations. He does this by breaking down a problem set, understanding interests, analyzing alternatives and providing his assessment of the outcome. The author uses bold and interesting examples from history as well as his own work.

While I love history, I initially thought ‘these historic examples are so extreme I will never be able to apply these concepts on a practical level’. These thoughts were only reinforced as the author described Bush’s deciding to go to war in Iraq, Sharansky refusing to negotiate with the KGB, Kasztner attempting to bargain with Nazi’s, Winston Churchill deciding to go to war and Mandela negotiating apartheid. However, the author brings the stories back around to business examples and family disputes by the end of the book so I was satisfied that I got more everyday applicable scenarios as well. Some of my favorite stories include Kasztner, Sharansky, Mandela, (Mandela was my all-time favorite), disharmony In the symphony and the final two family disputes. Mandela and Churchill’s stories provided the kind of content I found most interesting since each of these leaders balanced decisions to negotiate while understanding warfare as a violent clash of interests and used violence as a tool to impose their will in negotiating. Finally, it’s worth noting there were a few boring stories as well. The IBM software story I found difficult to get through (despite my having a background in tech) and if this is you, it may be worth skimming some parts and enjoying the other stories while you can.

It’s the kind of book you can read and appreciate one chapter at a time and pick up the next chapter months later since each mini-story stands for itself. Some are better than others but it is apparent the stories are placed in their specific order to highlight differences in negotiations and build on one another. One negotiator’s weakness will be the next one’s strength.

While I sometimes agreed or disagreed with the author’s analysis of each problem, and I sometimes felt his methods were repetitive, I generally enjoyed the way the author could break down a large problem into smaller parts and then put it back together in a coherent assessment. It was done in a way that any reader could follow his thought process and agree or disagree along the way.

Finally, the author wraps up the book with a summary chapter reviewing his framework and breaking down some of the author’s recommended negotiating principles.

I saw another reviewer recommend reading the first two chapter’s if you are looking for the negotiating framework. If you are going to do that you should read the last chapter too, but it is really the examples in between which made the book worth the read for me. I recommend this book to others who enjoy history and problem solving.

[Dan Ofer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended.

Mr Mnookin clearly explains how a person should think about negotiation. First by understanding her own goals (what she wants to achieve) and her own interests (what is important to her). Then her adversary's goals and interests. And then devising strategies of how to negotiate, and which outcomes they would lead to. Ultimately enabling the reader to decide whether negotiation is a better option than her BATNA (The Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Best_al...).

[Alex Courtney · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was...fine. I'm not a negotiation expert but the key tenets Mnookin lays out are pretty widely understood principles of decision making. Easily 90% of this book consists of historical or personal storytelling with the remaining 10% made up by brief assessments and references to the first chapter. I was really hoping for more based on the author's academic pedigree but this could have been an effective long-form blog post; instead it's a short book that's mostly filler.

[Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book would be incredibly helpful in establishing a framework to mediate any conflict. What I appreciate most about the author is that he is not a negotiating ideologue; he allows for circumstances where mediation or negotiation are not called for, in which case one must fight.

[Lizzy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't expect to like this, but I really did. It goes through some great examples of negotiation with evil - Britain and the Nazis, Nelson Mandela and de Klerk. It spends too much time on the author's own experience, but still it was a good read.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book on negotiation. A lot of real life examples as case studies on negotiation in matters ranging from International Politics to Family and Business disputes. Extremely well written and easy to read.

[Sakeenah Aleem]

I enjoyed reading historical examples of conflicts such as Nelson Mandela's imprisonment in South Africa during apartheid.

It gave great context to everyday conflicts and how they should be approached as well.

[Libriperilsuccesso · Rating 4 out of 5]

https://libriperilsuccesso.com/2021/0...

Quando negoziare, quando combattere

Ognuno di noi è costretto ad affrontare momenti stressanti, difficili, dove il sangue ribollisse e la vista si annebbia, in momenti del genere bisogna fare una scelta, negoziare col proprio nemico, o combattere.

Robert Mnookin ha scritto un testo pieno di esempi di personaggi che nella storia hanno dovuto prendere questa decisione, analizzando queste scelte possiamo tirarne fuori uno schema e usarlo a nostro favore.

Viviamo la realtà usando sia l’intuito sia le emozioni come l’approccio analitico e logico, questa dicotomia, questa visione duale della realtà sta alla base del nostro processo evolutivo.

La gran differenza tra queste due forme di pensiero è la velocità di operazione, il sistema intuitivo risponde nell’immediato, la testata al collega mentre quello analitico ha bisogno di tempo, di ponderare la situazione, di analizzare costi e benefici.

Entrambi i sistemi sono parte del nostro modo di pensare, ma quando usare uno e quando usare l’altro?

Vedremo le trappole emozionali che dobbiamo evitare, le caratteristiche principali di un nemico, un esempio di come Winstone Churchill affrontò durante la seconda guerra mondiale la decisione di negoziare o combattere con Hitler, e infine i 4 fattori da considerare prima di prendere la decisione

NOTE SULL’AUTORE

Robert Mnookin è un professore universitario e avvocato, specializzato in risolvere dispute e grandi e complesse negoziazioni, famoso per essere stato il principale arbitro nel conflitto aziendale durato 7 anni tra l’IBM e la Fujitsu negli anni 80

[Tigran Mamikonian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those negotiation book which covered a very interested topic of mine - is it always good idea to negotiate...
Mnookin advises that there are some cases, when negotiation is not good idea - case with leader of Hungarian jews who wanted to save his people, but then was prosecuted... But to me, this topic was not investigated in detail.
Author provides 8 cases which are itself quite interesting and instructive, however it is very difficult to dwel any framework from them.

However he presents some framework:
-systematically compare the expected costs and benefits
-get advice from others in evaluating the alternatives: don't do the analysis alone
- have presumption in favor of negotiation, but make it rebuttable
- be careful and objective as much as possible when deciding on behalf of others.

Would recomment the book for reading, because I'm sure 1 of the 8 cases will touch you very much. For example for me the case with division of summer house was very instructive and applicable for my situation - and contained quite interesting lessons which can applied by me.

[Aurelio Guerra · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is no "when to fight" in this book, despite its subtitle, as well as despite some comments made on that respect within its pages. There is, also, no Devil. Mnookin's introductory definition of what he considers a Devil is mainly an error of one own's perception. A more honest title would be "Negotiating when you think the other side doesn't deserve the benefits of doubt concerning their intentions".
All of that said, there are some very helpful insights in this book, alas, not many. If you just read the first chapter, and the conclusions in the last chapter, you could get 80% of the benefits. You would miss, however, interesting stories. This book consists of a series of cases from which, theoretically, some useful teachings could be "gleaned". Mostly, the chapters are personal (or even colleagues) anecdotes of things that, maybe worked. Results are debatable (even in the author's own mind --extra points for honesty).

[J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a masterful blend of concepts and stories to give flesh to the ideas. Very informative and probably greatly helpful for those interacting with difficult circumstances yet are not sure whether or not to go on the offensive or negotiate something for the future.

I do find it ironic, reading the conclusion of this book that his introduction to the world of conflict resolution started shortly after 9/11 and whether to negotiate with the Taliban - which the author approved of. As of the day of this post, the Taliban have retaken the country but at least we got Osama bin Laden. Perhaps, in the early days of 9/11 we were all gun-ho and all our rational considerations were hijacked by the emotions of revenge rather than serving true justice to the specific party responsible for carrying out the attacks (ie. al-Qaeda and radical Sunni Islam).

[Ed Barton · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the experts on negotiation shares a lot of stories about negotiation techniques - actual stories as well as hypothetical - in order to demonstrate his four negotiation principles. Unfortunately, the writing style is long on story and short on principles. I would have preferred a more balanced approach, with the principles more directly called out in the storytelling. A good book, and useful set of principles, but the layout and content were long on the stories of a seasoned mediator and not crosswalked well.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started reading it looking for some ideas on how to approach the question of negotiations with Russia from a more rational standpoint. A lot of what Mr. Mnookin talks about isn't really relevant since he warns you against all sorts of traps demonization being key. He also warns against the zero sum mentality. Also, he didn't really seem to address the issue of the ability of the other side to cause you harm sufficiently. So, the book is probably good as a warning against jumping into conclusions and fighting when there are other options. But this is clearly not really our case.

[W · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was expecting this book to be more like Getting to Yes where you pick up actual skills you can use in negotiations but it wasn’t exactly like that. Sure there were some tips on what you can do but it felt like a worse version of Getting to Yes.

The stories used to explain how negotiations can be conducted with an adversarial party were somewhat interesting but in the end this book did not provide what I was looking for.

If you want a book on negotiation and what to do when negotiating then read Getting to Yes instead.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Should you bargain or not? This book discusses challenges (emotional traps, cost/benefit analysis, and moral/ethical issues). There are case studies from Winston Churchill, Nelson Mandela, The SF Symphony, IBM vs. Fujitsu, and land dispute between siblings. For example, should Churchill have bargained more with Hitler? His overall argument is 'there is a time and place to bargain with the devil'.

[Donald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth the read

This is a staple of any good book collection, it provides me with a reference to guide me in difficult situations… the bottom line is I’m forever changed in my interactions, and difficult situations because of this book. I should read this book over and over again, I’m sure there is a lot that I missed.

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is going to be a book I have to return to. Even if I don't use a single thing in my professional life, this negotiation book will undoubtedly be useful in my (and, I imagine, everyone's) personal life. Can't wait to practice!

[Anath Lee Wales · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked it and recommend it to everyone at all levels.
Prior to reading many books and due to my many other personal responsibilities,
I couldn't get enough time to really write a personalized review,
but this is really a good book you have to read.

[Yhordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Las repuestas fáciles no están aquí

Definitivamente no es un libro de “5 pasos para … “, muy por el contrario es un verdadero viaje para encontrar nuestras propias respuestas a los dilemas del proceso de negociación. Y viajando además por historias interesantes.

[Santosh Sansare · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading lot of ideal literature on Negotiation, if you get caught in a situation where the other party seems like a devil, evil, untrustworthy or emotionally stuck, then this is the book that may well be your guide.

[Vincent Imansjah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall insightful book, provides various examples and breakdowns on how to approach negotiations and mediation by considering as many perspectives and angles on the subject matter. A foundational piece to improve negotiation skills during conflictive times.

[George · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good scenarios, but had hard time extracting the framework.

[Jameyanne Fuller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book for my negotiation and diplomacy course, and I really liked the nuance it brought to my understanding of negotiation theory.

[Jonathan Bergh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh, I would not recommend unless you negotiate for a living.