If a Tree Falls: A Family's Quest to Hear and Be Heard

by Jennifer Rosner

A revealing memoir of a family and a “wrenching journey into deafness from the standpoint of a mother, a wife, a daughter, a philosopher, and a Jew” (Ilan Stavans, author of On Borrowed A Memoir of Language ). When her daughters were born deaf, Jennifer Rosner was stunned. Then she discovered a hidden history of deafness in her family, going back generations to the Jewish enclaves of Eastern Europe. Traveling back in time in her mind, she imagined her silent relatives, who showed surprising creativity in dealing with a world that preferred to ignore them. Here, in a “gentle meditation on sound and silence, love and family” Rosner shares her journey into the modern world of deafness, and the controversial decisions she and her husband made about hearing aids, cochlear implants and sign language ( Publishers Weekly ). Punctuated by memories of being unheard, Rosner’s imaginative odyssey of dealing with her daughters’ deafness is at its heart a story of whether she—a mother with perfect hearing—can ever truly hear her children.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Family, Biography Memoir, Jewish, Disability, Biography

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Pat Black-Gould · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Jennifer Rosner’s compelling memoir, If a Tree Falls, she examines deafness and hearing loss and its impact within her family system. Interestingly, the author explores deafness from three perspectives and weaves these storylines together beautifully throughout the book.

In one storyline, she traces her family history of deafness to its Eastern European roots. She imagines their lives and creates a fictional account of how they navigated their world when deafness was misunderstood, and deaf individuals were treated poorly. Another storyline includes her mother’s hearing loss and the impact it had on their relationship.

The third storyline begins with the discovery that both her daughters have a genetic hearing loss. As a psychologist who worked with the Culturally Deaf community, I appreciate how the author opens her heart to readers as she identifies the challenges she and her husband face as they explore the communication methods. These include sign language, oral approaches, total communication, cochlear implants, hearing aids, or a mixture. Her research leads her to identify the “camps” of deafness. How, in the hearing world, deafness is perceived as a disability, whereas in the Culturally Deaf world, it is recognized as an identity. The author and her husband, after carefully exploring the options, decide what is best for their daughters.

Readers meet the little girls in the memoir and there is one story in particular that stands out. When little Sophia noticed a picture in the newspaper of a grieving firefighter kneeling at a 9/11 memorial site, she found a bandaid and placed it on the picture of the firefighter.

Sophia’s compassion touched my heart. And it reflects the tenderness and love both parents have for their children, despite all the hardship. To me, caring for their family is what makes the author and her husband’s story a source of inspiration to other parents who face deafness and hearing loss in their children.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really 2.5, but the writing quality itself is good - "plot" ... not so much.

When the author sticks to her direct experiences of being the mother of two hearing-impaired children, the story held my interest well; I found the younger daughter's cochlear implant section downright fascinating. Unfortunately, much of the book consists of Rosner's angst, along with a historical fiction story-within-a-story about her deaf ancestors' experiences in Eastern Europe and New York City (several pages between chapters, set off in italics), which detracted for me.

This book is specifically targeted at (intellectual) Jewish women (mothers) - if you're not part of that group, or have a very strong interest in those life experiences, you might likely find this one tough to get into.

[Koren · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author has two daughters who have a genetic hearing loss. Her own mother has had hearing loss and has worn hearing aides since she was in her 30's so the author decides to search her own family tree to see if others have had this hearing loss. She does find two sisters that lived around the late 1800's or early 1900's. They were immigrants that came through Ellis Island. Aside from that there is not a lot of information about them and she intersperses her story with a fictional story about how her ancestors dealt with their hearing loss in the days before there were hearing aides and implants. She also deals with her own relationship with her mother and how her mother often seemed distant to her, but may have often been because of her hearing loss. The rest of the book deals with how she dealt with and accepted her daughters hearing loss. I think this book would be helpful to others dealing with a child's hearing loss. I would like to see a sequel telling us how her daughters dealt with their hearing loss as they got older.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a memoir of a lady who had two daughters who were born Deaf. I found this part of the book interesting, particularly the polarising views they faced on whether to use technology to enable the girls to hear or bring them up with sign language only. Her family history is also explored in the book, and there are large sections where she imagines what life was like for her Deaf ancestors. I felt like this book almost tried to be a memoir and historical fiction and I thought that combining fictional ideas with her memoir didn’t work so well.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jennifer is a local author who coincidentally used to live on my block. She has two daughters, one deaf and one hard of hearing. The book is about the journey she made with her family, both in terms of integrating her daughters into the hearing world, and coming to terms with the history of deafness in her family (previously unknown to her). Reading from an audiologist’s point of view was interesting, and I think this would be an excellent read for anyone who wants to go into pediatric audiology. They try to teach us this stuff in school – how to tell a parent that his or her child is deaf – how to navigate the waters of the manual-only vs. total communication vs. oral-only approaches – but reading about it from a first person account is very moving, and something that I’m not likely to forget. A lovely touch in the book was the way Jennifer weaves in a thread imagining what life must have been like for her deaf ancestors in the late 19th century. We’ve come so far – from philosophers assuming that deaf people cannot have thought and are therefore imbeciles to children with cochlear implants being mainstreamed into regular classrooms. It’s truly astonishing to think about.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

If A Tree Falls wasn't at all what I was expecting. It's primarily a memoir of Rosner discovering that her daughters are deaf, adjusting, exploring options, and investigating her family's history of deafness. Rosner typically writes HF, and she also includes fictional segments of what she imagines her deaf cousins , who lived many years ago in a shtetl, might have experienced. The unusual combination worked surprisingly well for me.

Rosner finds out that her oldest daughter, Sophia, has major hearing loss shortly after she's born. I found the different philosophies regarding severely deaf children to be fascinating. Some advocate for no sign language with verbal language only, some believe in only using sign language, while some promote a combination. With her second daughter, Juliet, those options included a cochlear implant. I really enjoyed learning about the deaf community.

Rosner also does a good job in adding fictional sections about the imagined lives of her deaf cousins. I would love a new memoir, to see how Rosner's daughters are doing now, and a full novel abut Rosner's cousins. I want more!

[Beverly Drucker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zoom Book Group

My synagogue book group chose The Yellow Bird Sings. The book group discussed it
Via ZOOM during the Corona virus pandemic. Whoever thought people would be communicating from our homes. This brilliant Zoom allowed people to "connect" and be able to see everybody and talk in a very lonely time. Every part of life including Doctor visits, and the kids go to school from home via the computer.
I guess I'm reviewing 2 books. The Yellow Bird Sings followed a period of Time in the Holocaust. The people in the book group all loved it and couldn't put it down. We all agreed that it is a story that was so different than Holocaust books that we usually read. I have never given up the next book that the group is reading and instead went on to read Jennifer `s book "If a Tree Falls". I wanted to know the story of the Author and I give her a lot of credit to write about her 2 little girls that presented challenges that I would never thought of. READ IT
I wonder what Jennifer Rosner is doing during the Pandemic? Maybe writing a new book

[Melinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jennifer Rosner writes a moving memoir about her two daughters who are born deaf due to a gene passed on by both Jennifer and her husband. The book tells of the modern-day search for finding the best help for each child. Jennifer has written other books that I've read, and I met her and her husband at a book event in Middletown, Ct. a few years ago. Since I have a deaf nephew who is married to a deaf woman, this subject is of interest to me. My nephew is profoundly deaf as is one of Jennifer's daughters and he also attended Clarke School. I can tell that some things have changed since my nephew was diagnosed as being deaf. Sophia and Juliet were both diagnosed at birth. Juliet had a cochlear implant. Jennifer wove a story of her great aunts who she never knew into the story with imagination as to how their deafness affected their lives and coming to America. A very interesting book and if you don't read this book, please try The Yellow Bird Sings or Once We Were Home.

[Carleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a well written book about a family dealing with their experiences with the deafness of their two daughters. I can relate to this book as a member of my family is deaf. The story brings back memories for me as my mother and father dealt with the diagnosis, what to do next; endless tests; doctor visits , hospitals and the decision to send their child to a special school. Luckily, everything turned out well for my brother graduating from Gallaudet College and living a good life with his family.
This book is inspiring and thoughtful.

[Phil Atteberry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a non-fiction narrative of a mother's giving birth to and raising two seriously hearing impaired children. It is gracefully written and absorbing--an emotional, satisfying read.

The book does have one oddity. About 25% of the book is speculative fiction about the author's deaf ancestors from the 1880's. Some readers may find that distracting. I did not. Jennifer Rosner is a good novelist, so she handles those passages with good pace and characterization. As the book proceeds, we see that the non-fictional story and the fictional passages blend thematically.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful, heart filled story of a couple raising 2 deaf daughters. Amazing strength in each character. Interwoven throughout this memoir is Rosner's idea of what ancestors might have experienced with the same issues. Hopefully this writer adds to another novel some day for us to enjoy. I like her writing.

[Carlene Alexander · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agree with several others on this - the biographical bit is brilliant, her imagination about her ancestors detracts especially as it is largely fantasy. Only two explanations are need for a higher word count or her experimenting with writing fiction. These sections spoilt the book for me.

[Leah Fidler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fascinating glimpse into the deaf world and parenting a deaf child.

[Shirley Yuhasz · Rating 4 out of 5]

An awakening read for me having had a deaf daugher in 1960. Before hearing tests were done at birth & all the modern helps.

[Margaret Richardson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informative and touching

[Suzanne Byrnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I resonated so much with this mama! A lovely story of strength and passion for life!

[Diana Skelton · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Each morning, I gently wriggled Sophia's hearing aids into her tiny ears. It stung me to see other mothers whispering woftly in their babies' ears, their babies responding with gurgles and coos and pudgy fingers tapping at their mothers' lips. At the library, at the bookstore--mothers reading stories in airy, lilting voices; their children leaning forward, ready to catch magic. I couldn't afford whispers with Sophia. I spoke loudly, with the sharp enunciation of a strict grammar school teacher. The gentlest nursery rhyme, the sweetest lullaby, I now belted out at full volume--a bull in the china shop of motherese."

[thewanderingjew · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is about a family that suffers the heartbreak of bearing a deaf child without realizing the genetic potential for it lying quietly in their genetic structure. Although Jennifer was raised by a hearing impaired mother, the fact that it was a genetic defect, occurring throughout her family tree, never occurred to her. When it was discovered that she and her husband both carried the recessive gene, it was proof positive that their newborn daughter, Sophia had a severe hearing loss.
How they deal with the loss and decide which world their child should inhabit, the hearing world with the help of technology or the deaf world where she might fit in more happily, is explored, although not as fully as I would have hoped. I did not fully understand the trauma or the turmoil involved as Sophia grows up or the reasons it was considered such an enormous problem to choose one world over the other. Why couldn’t the world that encompassed "Signing" be combined with the world of "Hearing", compatibly? Why was there so much controversy about choosing one or the other? These competitive attitudes were not presented well enough for me to truly empathize with the situation, although I could empathize with the plight of a parent in such a difficult situation.
Even when a second child is born with an even more profound hearing loss, I am not completely engaged in the process by the author, although I am drawn into their lives, superficially, and understand the fear Jennifer has for her children. She felt isolated by her partially deaf mother who never quite felt comfortable in the world because of how she was treated as a child and never knew how to make Jennifer feel as though she was a good fit in the family. With her own children’s hearing loss to deal with, Jennifer also learns more about the conflicts her mother dealt with and discovers that her mother probably never meant to isolate her but rather was trying to deal with her own disconnection, as well, and hoping to prevent her from ever feeling that way. Whatever flaw she discovered in her daughter was pointed out and rectified. Jennifer is very concerned that her children do not suffer in that same way and wants to make sure that they feel loved and wanted and engaged in the family life despite their deafness.
I commend the parents for their almost constant positive approach to the problem of deafness, in a hearing world, overcoming their fear and frustrations in order to do the best possible thing for their daughters, even uprooting themselves and moving to a new community where facilities were better for them. Their sacrifices are not to be taken lightly. They chose to try and mainstream their children rather than isolate them in a world without sound and, luckily, they are so far successful.
Woven into the true tale of Jennifer’s trials is the moving tale she creates about her deaf, Jewish ancestors, whom she has not been able to learn much about but whose story she embellishes to illuminate the ostracism that the deaf faced, in years past, as they were thought mentally deficient and were often shunned by the community. She tried to embrace the very thing she fears most so that she would be able to try and offer all of life’s possible gifts to her own children. Her husband was her constant support and full participant. Together they thrill with delight as their children, using marvelous devices developed by science, hear and speak as if they were hearing children and not hearing deprived.
One thing that surprised me was that with all of the genetic testing going on today and with the knowledge of their specific genetic defect documented in science, that they were so totally unaware of the possibility that their child might be deaf. Another was the fact that the girls both seemed to be able to speak clearly and be easily understood, despite their deafness, when usually the deaf sound totally different than those that hear because certain sounds are harder to reproduce.
It was a very hopeful and uplifting revelation for the reader. The world of sound and the world without sound could be a choice. The deaf are comfortable in whichever world they choose. The children might someday choose to live in a world without sound, but, at least, they would be equipped to live in both worlds, well.

[Talia Carner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Heightened emotions and confusion would have marked the anguish parents must suffer when discovering that one, then--three years later--another daughter are deaf. Yet, Jennifer Rosner uses restrained prose throughout without resorting to the melodrama that has marked her life.
A voice for those who cannot speak....

While both Rosner and her husband carried recessive genes that sentenced her daughters to deafness, there had been nothing in her husband's family history to warn them. In Ms. Rosner's case though, her father's family-tree was peppered with tales of deafness, and her own mother had lost her hearing at an early age. Having grown up with a mother who, in spite of hearing aids was either not hearing or just not listening, Ms. Rosner set out to chart a new path in her relationships with her daughters.

My own college roommate has a daughter who was born profoundly deaf, and I was therefore familiar with the heated debates in the Deaf community about "fixing" the problem, as if deafness is a disability, which some within the community claim it is not. Ms. Rosner and her husband, both academics who use speech at its higher forms opted to provide their daughters with sound, which would therefore enable them to learn to speak. That meant hearing aids for one and a cochlear implant for the other.

The thrust of this memoir, however, is Ms. Rosner's journey of investigating the fate of her deaf relatives, long dead. Most were born and lived in Eastern Europe, in a Jewish shtetl. When her research into their whereabouts failed to satisfy her quest, she connected the dots of what she knew and fictionalized their lives. With imagination and sweeping prose, their stories are intertwined throughout the tale of the Rosners' victory over the obstacles nature put on their daughters' path to integrate into the speaking world. Modern technology and society's perception have made huge strides in the over one century since deaf people were naturally also mute and were considered feeble-minded, outcast from society, and forever locked in the jail of their silent worlds.

It hurts to think that even today, without Ms. Rosner's and her husband's education, geographical mobility, financial resources, pedagogical opportunities, modern technology and access to top medical services, millions of deaf children do not thrive as Sophia and Juliet. For millions of deaf children, life is no different than the life of Rosner's ancestors in the shtetl, which she describes so deftly.

[Kallie Beltrami · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book tells the personal story of the author and her family, and how they learned about their family history of deafness. I thought that the author did an exceptional job describing her decision making processes while contemplating what would be best for her two children with hearing impairments. It is easy to develop an attachment to the family, but I found it difficult to read when the author went into detail about their ancestors; I often fund myself bored after reading too much about the family's relatives. Though the book would have been very short without it, I thought the fictional story about her ancestors was unnecessary. It seemed like she was trying incorporate her knowledge of the relatives into a story, but to me all it was was extra words. I also didn't like how much the author talked about her own experiences with her hard-of-hearing mother because she compared her own feeling neglected by her mother to her being afraid of her children feeling unheard. Growing up with an older sister who was born profoundly deaf, I can understand what it feels like to be unheard, but I also know what it feels like to be neglected. They are two very different feelings and I don't see many comparisons. To me, the pieces didn't fit together very well.
Besides a few complaints I have about the book, I enjoyed it and I was very impressed by the author's ability to keep me interested. The writing style is excellent and easy to follow. The author did a satisfactory job at changing up the main focus of the novel (e. g. the family tree, Sophia and Juliet (her children), and decision making). I found much appreciation for the narrator and mother of the two deaf children because she gave me some extra insight into how my own mother might have felt when she found out that my sister was deaf, and possibly how she might have gone about the situation. Overall it was a nice read and I enjoyed the book.

[Justine Pomponi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this story especially because I know many of the people mentioned on a personal level. I liked reading about Sophia and Juliet and how they soared above and beyond with the help of their cochlear implant (Juliet's), hearing aids (Sophia's), their supportive parents, grandparents and staff at Clarke School for the Deaf. It was very touching to read about their mother's perspective--looking at her daughters, at her mother (and how hearing loss connected those three) and her lost ancestors who she can only imagine stories about. However, I wished the inner story of Nellie and Bayla was based on fact. I would have liked to see what it was truly like for them to immigrate to the United States and how they functioned without sensory devices and without being able to communicate to their family. I feel that that inner story would be very heartbreaking especially when superimposed with Jennifer's girls' positive outcome but the investigator in me really wants to know the real story of Nellie and Bayla. History can be lost to us and If a Tree Falls illustrates that fact sadly despite Rossner's research into death records and the U.S. Census reports. Bayla's history especially seems lost; there was only evidence of her going to a deaf school and no indication that she actually reunites with her sister in the U.S. Did she ever get married, have children, make friends, see the world? Or was she locked up in a world of frustration and despair where no one understood her--and with no relief?

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I missed the author speak at the last AG Bell convention (www.agbell.org), but I bought a copy of her book and got it autographed - not only by her, but by her two daughters. Sophia even put a heart next to her name - too cute!

Jennifer's story is all too familiar to families like mine, who had to deal with children who were born deaf (like me and my sister). But she has a different tack. For some reason, Jennifer was surprised, despite having an ancestral history of deafness. This new "discovery" motivates her to find out more and imagine what life was like for her relatives. These "stories" are interwoven throughout the memoir, and while interesting, detracted from the story a bit. If they were based in fact, I would have found them more meaningful.

I was a bit thrown when all of a sudden, Jennifer says she called Sophia from her cell phone. Granted, Sophia has a severe hearing loss and wears hearing aids, but I didn't realize she was doing that well. Perhaps some more information needs to be shared along the way. I realize it's not a technical memoir, but with one daughter severely deaf and another profoundly deaf, it might be helpful for those who aren't familiar with these terms to explain them in more detail. I did like how she handled the deaf/Deaf controversy - which, if anything, should be the one thing people take-away from this!

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author's struggle to decide how to handle her daughters' hearing problems was very interesting and I enjoyed hearing both how they made the decision and the outcome. The thing I really didn't like about the book was the amount of time the author spent complaining about feeling disconnected from her mother--a woman with four kids! It sounds like she would have preferred being an only child with a mother who had nothing better to do than give her attention all day long, and holding on to that resentment for decades to put in in this book didn't add anything to the book.

Not getting enough attention (in the author's view) is such a first-world problem, and only vaguely related to the main topic of the book. Deciding how best to relate to daughters with profound and severe hearing loss isn't at all the the same level as recounting one's resentment at presumably being a high-needs child who was sometimes ignored by a mother caring for four children and garnering a few minutes of peace and quiet by ignoring all of them. (I believe the term for this is "benign neglect," and no one has been hurt by it yet.) Overall, her issues with her mother nearly overshadowed the main narrative, and not in a good way.

[Lowrha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I expected If a Tree Falls to read as an outstretched, sympathetic hand from the author to parents of deaf children; I began it more for my work than pleasure. Instead, it was a wonderful piece of my favorite genre, creative nonfiction. (Although, Rosner concedes in her Acknowledgements that there is much fiction entwined even within the story line about her present-day family.)

If a Tree Falls has two plots; every few chapters relates a story Rosner imagines for the deaf ancestors she researches to little avail. I usually think that this device takes away more than it adds, but I loved the way Rosner did it.

Parents of deaf children who read it for solace and solidarity might be frustrated by Rosner's seemingly endless resources of time, money, and familial support throughout difficult times. My mind couldn't help but wander to the struggles of families or single parents facing the same challenges with none of the above.

I think many deaf children of hearing, loving parents will recognize scenes from their childhood...

And it's just a lovely memoir for those who appreciate that.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

As the parent of a child with a disability, I thought this memoir was a good representation of what goes through a parent's mind in those early months: To what extent should I help my child live a typical life? What if I choose something for my child that he or she would not have wanted? Should I just accept it and not try to "fix" my child? Yet, while the vividly written story recounts the struggles of the very early years of her children's lives, I do wish there was a deeper exploration of the challenges that continued as they grew older.

Still, what was touched upon was done so in an interesting manner. Among her coping mechanisms was the creation of a fictionalized story in which family from several generations prior dealt with the same issues, without the medical advances available today. I felt this worked well as it represented the fantasy life we wish for our children, while acknowledging that sacrifice will always come into play.

[Leslie Zampetti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rosner's memoir of the birth of her deaf daughters and the family's subsequent challenges is illuminating and memorable - even imaginative. Exploring her ancestry in search of an explanation for her daughters' lack of hearing leads Rosner to create a vivid depiction of life for her hearing impaired immigrant ancestors.

Well written, If a Tree Falls.. touches upon the schism between those who are Deaf and live wholly within Deaf culture and those who choose medical means to achieve hearing. Rosner makes it plain that her family's choices are just that - their individual choices, not a rejection nor an approval of either side. A philosopher by education and profession, she also examines themes of connection and disassociation.

Highly recommended, If a Tree Falls, is a cut above the usual medical memoir.

[Carol E. · Rating 3 out of 5]

A family discovers that their new baby is deaf. The book chronicles their struggles. The author looks into her family tree and discovers several deaf ancestors, then writes a fictional account of her deaf ancestors' lives, embedded into this book as her "journal entries." As someone who works in the field of deafness, I was a little disappointed with some of their decisions, though I know it can be very confusing for families who suddenly find themselves faced with this unknown. I also wonder about the "results" she claims they get from hearing aids and a cochlear implant. But overall, it was interesting and a good read. The family is close knit and doing their best to embrace deafness in their midst.

[Dru · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't sure of what to expect when I opened this book. It was about a mother describing her experience with two deaf daughters and how she decided to raise them. In a way, it was sad because she seemed preoccupied with what they were missing out on due to sounds.

It however was an interesting read because I'm familiar with different locations mentioned in the book. And the issues discussed are personal to me, as a Deaf person. I would recommend this to anybody who wants to further understand what it is like parenting a deaf child- whether it's through sign language r orally.

[Kirsten · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is just okay - the fictionalization if her ancestors' stories didn't really work well for me, and therefore I thought there was way too much of that. But without it, this book would have been much too short, and it was a pretty superficial look at everything as it was. I also tired of the discussion of the author's own mother and her relationship with her and her deafness. Maybe the central part of this book - having dead children and discovering a genetic component to it - should have been an article.

[Rebecca Einstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first learned of Jennifer Rosner after my writing teacher pointed me to an essay Rosner had written earlier this year. This is a stunningly-crafted book. I read it in about a day -- could not pull myself away.