Four Minus Three: A Mother's Story

by Guitelle H. Sandman

Sandman, Guitelle H.

184 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Teresa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book because I'm sort of obsessed with Mark Sandman, the rock musician and author's oldest son. It satisfied my curiosity about his past but, overall, the book read as (I assume) any average person's memoir would. If you are a Sandman fanatic, you'll enjoy some of its details, but otherwise, you can skip it. I do admire the author for writing this account of losing 3 of her 4 children, but the book offered less insight than I'd hoped for about coping with overwhelming loss. Perhaps my expectations were too high.

[Jort · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was an interesting read, although I would give it 3.5 stars to be precise. The author wrote the book mainly about the tragedy that her family had to endure: losing three of their four children.

As for most people though, I did not pick up the book to read about coping with loss, but to read more about the frontman of Morphine. Mark Sandman founded his alternative rock band in 1989 and it’s one of my favourites. I wanted to know more about the man behind his self-made two string bass, and I definitely read some juicy details about his life. He surely had the rebellious personality of a rock musician, which troubled his relationship with his parents. The book includes this and other facts I did not know.

The book contains a chapter about every child, plus some extra stuff such as the daughter’s marriage and their Jewish faith. I found the chapters about the three sons who died most interesting.

Mark was known for being a private man, hence only few details about his life are known. Even though I still couldn’t write a biography on him, my knowledge about Morphine’s frontman has been enriched.

[Shaun Deane · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm guessing that, like me, many readers will have picked up this book because of the music of Mark Sandman. I was intrigued also, because I grew up in the same city - Newton, MA and experienced losses at the same time that much of the action in this book takes place. I was sorry to discover that the author has passed away, because I would have tried to connect with her for some of the reasons stated, and more. And, it feels inappropriate to critique any description of losses so profound. I know this, too. There were many head nodding moments, "oh yeah, I experienced that." Still, I think there was much that was not revealed - or perhaps stepped away from. The author's connection to her son, Mark, seemed thin to me. For my own mom, societal appearance was paramount and I see some of that here, in this family. "It's not how you feel, it's how you look" as that Billy Crystal character used to say. And still, above it all, is the unanswerable - how do people go on, after such loss?

[Jen Dee · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read - knowing in general what the outcome of the book would be made me want to race through to see HOW it would happen. A woman tells of the story of the separate deaths of her three sons. She is very honest about exactly how she felt as the events unfolded and even how petty she was towards her once surviving child. I guess I was expecting some sort of overall lesson or message she gained from her experiences but I guess real life doesn't always (ever) provide that.

[John Lyman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very sad story, glad to learn more about one of my favorite musicians, Mark Sandman. His parents, and family, seem to have so much going for them, but death reared its head over and over and over to knock them down. Amazing how the parents stayed together and, as they say, life went on.