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Not My Boy!: A Father, A Son, and One Family's Journey with Autism
In Not My Boy! , Rodney Peete offers not only a heartrending, candid look inside his personal journey with his son's autism but a first-of-its-kind, inspirational road map that will help families facing similar challenges to move forward. Effectively woven throughout Peete's moving account of his life with his son R.J. are the powerful voices, insights, and dreams of other fathers, high-profile figures as well as unsung heroes, who've traveled this difficult path.
Autism affects four times as many boys as it does girls. For their fathers, expectations and hopes are drastically changed--as NFL star Rodney Peete's were when his son R.J. was diagnosed at the age of three. After a period of anger and denial, an all-too-common reaction among fathers, Rodney joined his wife, Holly, in her efforts to help their son. With determination, love, and understanding, the family worked with R.J. to help him once again engage with the world.
Eight challenging years later, R.J. has gone from the son one doctor warned would never say "I love you" to a thriving, vibrant boy who scored his first soccer goal while his dad cheered from the sidelines.
Praise for Not My Boy!
"I wish I had something fancy to say, but this story is simply beyond words--just read it! I vote to make Rodney's book, Not My Boy! , required reading for every first-time, second-time, or any-other-time father."
--Will Smith / actor, producer
"Rodney Peete writes a compelling book that will help fathers emotionally deal with the challenge of raising a child with autism. The mental toughness of a man all but disappears when faced with this reality, but Rodney's candid message will encourage anyone who is chosen to be on this journey."
--Alonzo Mourning, former NBA player
" Not My Boy is a must-read for parents--especially dads--who have a child on the autism spectrum. It's inspiring, enlightening, and most importantly, truthful. Rodney gives the reader the real story on how autism can cause total dysfunction in the family, and in even the strongest of marriages, if husband and wife don't work as a team. He opens up his heart, and speaks candidly about his mistakes, all the while learning how to best help R.J. in his battle to overcome the challenges of autism. Their fight is by no means over, but the experiences that he shares will help every family, and every couple, to be better advocates, teachers, and parents."
--Artie Kempner, lead director for NASCAR/NFL on Fox
"A book every father needs to read! Not My Boy is about unconditional love. I read it in one weekend. . . . It was and is amazing."
--Cyd Wilson, InStyle magazine
Autism affects four times as many boys as it does girls. For their fathers, expectations and hopes are drastically changed--as NFL star Rodney Peete's were when his son R.J. was diagnosed at the age of three. After a period of anger and denial, an all-too-common reaction among fathers, Rodney joined his wife, Holly, in her efforts to help their son. With determination, love, and understanding, the family worked with R.J. to help him once again engage with the world.
Eight challenging years later, R.J. has gone from the son one doctor warned would never say "I love you" to a thriving, vibrant boy who scored his first soccer goal while his dad cheered from the sidelines.
Praise for Not My Boy!
"I wish I had something fancy to say, but this story is simply beyond words--just read it! I vote to make Rodney's book, Not My Boy! , required reading for every first-time, second-time, or any-other-time father."
--Will Smith / actor, producer
"Rodney Peete writes a compelling book that will help fathers emotionally deal with the challenge of raising a child with autism. The mental toughness of a man all but disappears when faced with this reality, but Rodney's candid message will encourage anyone who is chosen to be on this journey."
--Alonzo Mourning, former NBA player
" Not My Boy is a must-read for parents--especially dads--who have a child on the autism spectrum. It's inspiring, enlightening, and most importantly, truthful. Rodney gives the reader the real story on how autism can cause total dysfunction in the family, and in even the strongest of marriages, if husband and wife don't work as a team. He opens up his heart, and speaks candidly about his mistakes, all the while learning how to best help R.J. in his battle to overcome the challenges of autism. Their fight is by no means over, but the experiences that he shares will help every family, and every couple, to be better advocates, teachers, and parents."
--Artie Kempner, lead director for NASCAR/NFL on Fox
"A book every father needs to read! Not My Boy is about unconditional love. I read it in one weekend. . . . It was and is amazing."
--Cyd Wilson, InStyle magazine
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2010
11 people are currently reading
137 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
April 17, 2024
VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM. PERIOD. AMEN. FULL STOP. Was enjoying this book until the 2nd chapter, when the author dropped this take.
January 16, 2012
Some of my favorite passages:
I hope that by sharing my story, I can help men find a way to open up about my emotions that we often don’t or can’t express, and women can understand more about the different ways deal with their troubles.
Holly and I were so blessed with our wonderful babies, and that there were so many opportunities before us.
Little did I realize then that R.J.’s diagnosis of autism would shake us down to that foundation, test me and our marriage, and bring me into a kind of fatherhood nothing in my life had prepared me for.
A few months before they hit that 2 year mark, Holly took the twins in for a check up with our pediatrician. They’d had ear infections and were both coming off a course of antibiotics. Holly asked the doctor if he would delay their next round of immunizations because she thought loading them up with that much medicine while they were still a bit weak from the antibiotics might be too much for their little bodies.
The pediatrician brushed off her concerns as those of an overly cautious first-time mom. This didn’t sit right with Holly,
Something about this disturbed what she calls her “mommy gut”, an instinct that moms have that goes beyond what professionals say.
She asked him if there was any way he could break up the measles/mumps/rubella vaccination so that they would not have to get such a potent cocktail all at once. The doctor said that that couldn’t be done.
Besides, the nurse said, the twins were behind in their immunizations. Part of the purpose of this visit was to get them all caught up.
The nurse looked at her like she was psycho mommy, and told her to relax while she took R.J. in to be weighed.
Holly was sitting in another examining room holding on to Ryan (her other daughter) , when she heard R.J. screaming , “No! Mommy!” She ran to R.J. and saw that the nurse had given him the MMR plus the second hepatitis B and the polio vaccines. The nurse said that it usually was easier with the parents out of the room.
Maybe it was easier for the nurse, but for the next 8 years, nothing about R.J. would be easy for our family.
That night R.J. had a terrible fever and started shaking violently. She called the pediatrician and he said to give R.J. some Tylenol. She did and R.J. had a terrible reaction to the Tylenol and we rushed him to the emergency room. We believe that he went into some kind of toxic overload shock. After that, we didn’t hear the words “Mommy” or “No” for about 4 years.
There is a lot of controversy in the medical community about what causes autism. Researchers and doctors reject parents’ claim that vaccines, particularly the MMR, can trigger the disorder. Many parents believe that the mercury-based chemical thimerosal, which is used as a preservative in vaccines, reacts dramatically in the immature immune systems of some children and triggers autism.
Within a week of the shots, he stopped responding to his name. Shortly after the shots, R.J. withdrew.
(They went to meet with the head of the school) “We’ve talked”, the head of the school said, “and we think your son is unteachable.
(We quickly took R.J. out of that school).
That’s what it takes to be a great dad to the child you brought into this world: being the person who helps a child grow into the fullness of who he is.
Something happened between Holly and me after R.J.’s diagnosis. When we found out R.J. had autism, it felt like losing a child. We had had years to dream the dreams that all parents have for their children, and then that child was snatched away.
Both of us had our moments of Why Me? Why does everyone else’s kid get to be normal and mine is not?
After I put aside my ego, and really opened myself up to understand what autism is, I taught myself not to impose my dreams upon R.J., but let him express his own interests at his own pace.
After their children are diagnosed, some dads just shut down for a few years. For many, their work like goes to hell too. It’s not that they can’t deal with their child’s autism. It’s that they can’t deal with themselves. In the beginning, many fathers see their child’s diagnosis as their personal failure. If there’s something wrong with my child, I am less of a man.
It’s as simple as the fact that you were thrown this curve in life and that’s too bad, but you have to deal with it. Overcome it, or let it overtake you. It’s not what you expected and it’s not fun, but it is what it is.
Do you remember when you first held that child in your hands moments after that baby entered the world? I don’t know how you felt then, but one of the big things I felt was that suddenly my life wasn’t just about me anymore. When we got the diagnosis and I had come through my denial, I understood that I had just been fooling myself when I thought that in the delivery room. I still wanted it all to be about me, and the perfect family portrait I imagined presenting to the world.
It was only when I got myself out of that comfy chair and started to understand our real situation that I also understood that life had handed me an incredible opportunity.
My dreams didn’t have to die.
In fact, they are bigger and more powerful than anything I could have imagined before. I had to let go of a lot in order to grab on to the reality of my child and of his world. I’m saying this as a man who has been humbled by the raising of his children.
I stand in the world as a better man with a bigger heart and much more to give.
Holly and I estimate that we spent at least $160,000 a year on the different therapies, services, unconventional medical treatments, and aides for R.J. in the early years of our journey with autism. I know this is an incredible amount of money. It probably sounds completely ridiculous to you if you are unfamiliar with what it costs to really help a child with serious special needs.
(They decided to address the parents at R.J.’s school and this is what they said)
For those of you who do not know, R.J. is on the autistic spectrum. He’s come a long way and I want you to know he is a great kid. Just like your kids, he wants to be included. He wants to go to birthday parties and playdates. So don’t be shy about asking him, because we know he’d be happy to go.
Mark (R.J.’s aide at school) was in the schoolyard one day and he saw R.J. surrounded by a bunch of kids from his class. They were all laughing hysterically. A few of the kids were holding their sides. There was R.J. right in the middle. Mark edged over to the group quietly to see what was going on without disturbing the scene. What he heard shocked him. The kids were prompting R.J. to say foul words like “poop” and “dookie”. He was going along with it without knowing what he was saying. Mix in his echolalia (the endless repeating of a phrase) and he was like a real live windup toy, repeating it over and over. One one level, R.J. felt like this was a big success. He was the center of attention, getting a big reaction, even though he didn’t really know what was so funny. Of course, on another level, it was heartbreaking that they were exploiting his vulnerabilities, as kids sometimes do.
I’ve played stadiums in front of 90,000 screaming fans, and I’d take that any day over trying to explain autism to a classroom of 4th graders.
(Then they addressed the entire student body of the school and this is what they said)
“How many of you have heard of the word ‘autism’?”
“How many of you know a child who has it?”
All the hands were down.
“You can put your hands back up, because R.J. has it”.
“Do any of you know what having it means?”
“What it means is that his brain is wired in a different way, and because of that, it’s harder for him to communicate. So talking to people, starting off a conversation, is something that R.J. isn’t very good at. Have any of you noticed that R.J. doesn’t come up to you very much?”
“Most of you do that all the time and don’t even think about it because it’s not hard for you. That’s very, very hard for R.J., but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to talk to you. I bet if we went around the room here, every one of you could say that you are good at some things and not so good at others, couldn’t you?”
“Guess what? R.J. can tell you the name of every president and vice president of the United States in order”.
“And he can tell you the name of every single active player on every team in the NFL or the NBA. Even the NHL.”.
“But making friends is really hard for him”.
“Sometimes when you call him, he won’t answer. You have to call him more than once because that’s just how long it takes for him to get the message.”
“And if you’re his friend, he’ll always like you for exactly who you are, not for the sneakers you’re wearing.”
I watched the kids around him now and saw how they embraced him.
They understand him and they care of him.
When I say “take care”, I don’t mean that they baby him. They get him. They include him, because that’s what friends do.
Federal law requires that every child in this country be allowed a “free and appropriate public education”. If your public school system isn’t able to meet your child’s needs, then it is obligated to fund his or her education at a private school that is equipped to challenge and nurture children on the spectrum. There is often friction between parents and a school system about exactly what constitutes “appropriate” education. What a parent sees as appropriate might seem outrageous to a cash-strapped school district. Parents often find themselves squared off against a sprawling bureaucracy with impenetrable procedures that are designed to intimidate families and keep them from asking for what their child needs. Parents often even have to sue the school district in order to make it cough up the resources that a child on the spectrum is entitled to.
Tips for making friends
Let everyone know. The school will know your child has autism, but their schoolmates and their parents must know too. Being embarrassed or secretive about it further isolates your child and doesn’t give the others a chance to extend a hand. Explain your child’s limitations, verbal or otherwise.
Talk in a language kids understand.
When you talk about autism to the other kids, make sure that you describe it in terms that are not over their heads.
Remind the parents that your kid has social needs too. Don’t be shy about encouraging other families to invite your child along. I realize that this might seem awkward, and a little embarrassing, but it’s your child’s social life we’re talking about here, not yours. A little nudge from you might get a parent to invite your child over, and a new friendship might take root from that invitation.
Make sure the other parents know your child’s routine. You want any playdate or outing to be a success, so that your child will be asked back. To make this possible, the other parents have to be fully informed of the things that set your child off.
Create “family” playdates. If you put together an afternoon event and invite one of your child’s friends family along, the other parents can see how you interact with your child. This may take some of their hesitation away and can expand your child’s social possibilities.
Participate in school outings. Driving a group of kids in a car pool to the museum or going on a nature hike with the class gives you a chance to watch the way your child fits in with peers. This can help you understand where your child needs a little coaching. You might also identify a potential new friend in the group.
Practice skills that will help your child socially.
Tips for discipline
Be clear and complete when you want children to do something (or stop doing something). “Stop it” isn’t enough for them to get it. Be specific about the action you want them to stop doing. Say it 2-3 times.
Eye contact is important.
Repeat instruction and get a verbal acknowledgement.
Give plenty of warning. Start a half hour before you expect children to obey the command.
Rules are rules. Enforce them!
In working with your child to find his or her internal drivers, you’ll learn what activities or foods you can take away as an effective punishment for bad behavior or noncompliance.
Try to visualize the tantrum as a process and ride it out without it getting the best of you. If you let frustration or anger show, it will make everything worse.
To be effective, punishment must be swift and short-lived. Special needs children can have a hard time connecting the punishment to the action that triggered it.
I hope that by sharing my story, I can help men find a way to open up about my emotions that we often don’t or can’t express, and women can understand more about the different ways deal with their troubles.
Holly and I were so blessed with our wonderful babies, and that there were so many opportunities before us.
Little did I realize then that R.J.’s diagnosis of autism would shake us down to that foundation, test me and our marriage, and bring me into a kind of fatherhood nothing in my life had prepared me for.
A few months before they hit that 2 year mark, Holly took the twins in for a check up with our pediatrician. They’d had ear infections and were both coming off a course of antibiotics. Holly asked the doctor if he would delay their next round of immunizations because she thought loading them up with that much medicine while they were still a bit weak from the antibiotics might be too much for their little bodies.
The pediatrician brushed off her concerns as those of an overly cautious first-time mom. This didn’t sit right with Holly,
Something about this disturbed what she calls her “mommy gut”, an instinct that moms have that goes beyond what professionals say.
She asked him if there was any way he could break up the measles/mumps/rubella vaccination so that they would not have to get such a potent cocktail all at once. The doctor said that that couldn’t be done.
Besides, the nurse said, the twins were behind in their immunizations. Part of the purpose of this visit was to get them all caught up.
The nurse looked at her like she was psycho mommy, and told her to relax while she took R.J. in to be weighed.
Holly was sitting in another examining room holding on to Ryan (her other daughter) , when she heard R.J. screaming , “No! Mommy!” She ran to R.J. and saw that the nurse had given him the MMR plus the second hepatitis B and the polio vaccines. The nurse said that it usually was easier with the parents out of the room.
Maybe it was easier for the nurse, but for the next 8 years, nothing about R.J. would be easy for our family.
That night R.J. had a terrible fever and started shaking violently. She called the pediatrician and he said to give R.J. some Tylenol. She did and R.J. had a terrible reaction to the Tylenol and we rushed him to the emergency room. We believe that he went into some kind of toxic overload shock. After that, we didn’t hear the words “Mommy” or “No” for about 4 years.
There is a lot of controversy in the medical community about what causes autism. Researchers and doctors reject parents’ claim that vaccines, particularly the MMR, can trigger the disorder. Many parents believe that the mercury-based chemical thimerosal, which is used as a preservative in vaccines, reacts dramatically in the immature immune systems of some children and triggers autism.
Within a week of the shots, he stopped responding to his name. Shortly after the shots, R.J. withdrew.
(They went to meet with the head of the school) “We’ve talked”, the head of the school said, “and we think your son is unteachable.
(We quickly took R.J. out of that school).
That’s what it takes to be a great dad to the child you brought into this world: being the person who helps a child grow into the fullness of who he is.
Something happened between Holly and me after R.J.’s diagnosis. When we found out R.J. had autism, it felt like losing a child. We had had years to dream the dreams that all parents have for their children, and then that child was snatched away.
Both of us had our moments of Why Me? Why does everyone else’s kid get to be normal and mine is not?
After I put aside my ego, and really opened myself up to understand what autism is, I taught myself not to impose my dreams upon R.J., but let him express his own interests at his own pace.
After their children are diagnosed, some dads just shut down for a few years. For many, their work like goes to hell too. It’s not that they can’t deal with their child’s autism. It’s that they can’t deal with themselves. In the beginning, many fathers see their child’s diagnosis as their personal failure. If there’s something wrong with my child, I am less of a man.
It’s as simple as the fact that you were thrown this curve in life and that’s too bad, but you have to deal with it. Overcome it, or let it overtake you. It’s not what you expected and it’s not fun, but it is what it is.
Do you remember when you first held that child in your hands moments after that baby entered the world? I don’t know how you felt then, but one of the big things I felt was that suddenly my life wasn’t just about me anymore. When we got the diagnosis and I had come through my denial, I understood that I had just been fooling myself when I thought that in the delivery room. I still wanted it all to be about me, and the perfect family portrait I imagined presenting to the world.
It was only when I got myself out of that comfy chair and started to understand our real situation that I also understood that life had handed me an incredible opportunity.
My dreams didn’t have to die.
In fact, they are bigger and more powerful than anything I could have imagined before. I had to let go of a lot in order to grab on to the reality of my child and of his world. I’m saying this as a man who has been humbled by the raising of his children.
I stand in the world as a better man with a bigger heart and much more to give.
Holly and I estimate that we spent at least $160,000 a year on the different therapies, services, unconventional medical treatments, and aides for R.J. in the early years of our journey with autism. I know this is an incredible amount of money. It probably sounds completely ridiculous to you if you are unfamiliar with what it costs to really help a child with serious special needs.
(They decided to address the parents at R.J.’s school and this is what they said)
For those of you who do not know, R.J. is on the autistic spectrum. He’s come a long way and I want you to know he is a great kid. Just like your kids, he wants to be included. He wants to go to birthday parties and playdates. So don’t be shy about asking him, because we know he’d be happy to go.
Mark (R.J.’s aide at school) was in the schoolyard one day and he saw R.J. surrounded by a bunch of kids from his class. They were all laughing hysterically. A few of the kids were holding their sides. There was R.J. right in the middle. Mark edged over to the group quietly to see what was going on without disturbing the scene. What he heard shocked him. The kids were prompting R.J. to say foul words like “poop” and “dookie”. He was going along with it without knowing what he was saying. Mix in his echolalia (the endless repeating of a phrase) and he was like a real live windup toy, repeating it over and over. One one level, R.J. felt like this was a big success. He was the center of attention, getting a big reaction, even though he didn’t really know what was so funny. Of course, on another level, it was heartbreaking that they were exploiting his vulnerabilities, as kids sometimes do.
I’ve played stadiums in front of 90,000 screaming fans, and I’d take that any day over trying to explain autism to a classroom of 4th graders.
(Then they addressed the entire student body of the school and this is what they said)
“How many of you have heard of the word ‘autism’?”
“How many of you know a child who has it?”
All the hands were down.
“You can put your hands back up, because R.J. has it”.
“Do any of you know what having it means?”
“What it means is that his brain is wired in a different way, and because of that, it’s harder for him to communicate. So talking to people, starting off a conversation, is something that R.J. isn’t very good at. Have any of you noticed that R.J. doesn’t come up to you very much?”
“Most of you do that all the time and don’t even think about it because it’s not hard for you. That’s very, very hard for R.J., but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to talk to you. I bet if we went around the room here, every one of you could say that you are good at some things and not so good at others, couldn’t you?”
“Guess what? R.J. can tell you the name of every president and vice president of the United States in order”.
“And he can tell you the name of every single active player on every team in the NFL or the NBA. Even the NHL.”.
“But making friends is really hard for him”.
“Sometimes when you call him, he won’t answer. You have to call him more than once because that’s just how long it takes for him to get the message.”
“And if you’re his friend, he’ll always like you for exactly who you are, not for the sneakers you’re wearing.”
I watched the kids around him now and saw how they embraced him.
They understand him and they care of him.
When I say “take care”, I don’t mean that they baby him. They get him. They include him, because that’s what friends do.
Federal law requires that every child in this country be allowed a “free and appropriate public education”. If your public school system isn’t able to meet your child’s needs, then it is obligated to fund his or her education at a private school that is equipped to challenge and nurture children on the spectrum. There is often friction between parents and a school system about exactly what constitutes “appropriate” education. What a parent sees as appropriate might seem outrageous to a cash-strapped school district. Parents often find themselves squared off against a sprawling bureaucracy with impenetrable procedures that are designed to intimidate families and keep them from asking for what their child needs. Parents often even have to sue the school district in order to make it cough up the resources that a child on the spectrum is entitled to.
Tips for making friends
Let everyone know. The school will know your child has autism, but their schoolmates and their parents must know too. Being embarrassed or secretive about it further isolates your child and doesn’t give the others a chance to extend a hand. Explain your child’s limitations, verbal or otherwise.
Talk in a language kids understand.
When you talk about autism to the other kids, make sure that you describe it in terms that are not over their heads.
Remind the parents that your kid has social needs too. Don’t be shy about encouraging other families to invite your child along. I realize that this might seem awkward, and a little embarrassing, but it’s your child’s social life we’re talking about here, not yours. A little nudge from you might get a parent to invite your child over, and a new friendship might take root from that invitation.
Make sure the other parents know your child’s routine. You want any playdate or outing to be a success, so that your child will be asked back. To make this possible, the other parents have to be fully informed of the things that set your child off.
Create “family” playdates. If you put together an afternoon event and invite one of your child’s friends family along, the other parents can see how you interact with your child. This may take some of their hesitation away and can expand your child’s social possibilities.
Participate in school outings. Driving a group of kids in a car pool to the museum or going on a nature hike with the class gives you a chance to watch the way your child fits in with peers. This can help you understand where your child needs a little coaching. You might also identify a potential new friend in the group.
Practice skills that will help your child socially.
Tips for discipline
Be clear and complete when you want children to do something (or stop doing something). “Stop it” isn’t enough for them to get it. Be specific about the action you want them to stop doing. Say it 2-3 times.
Eye contact is important.
Repeat instruction and get a verbal acknowledgement.
Give plenty of warning. Start a half hour before you expect children to obey the command.
Rules are rules. Enforce them!
In working with your child to find his or her internal drivers, you’ll learn what activities or foods you can take away as an effective punishment for bad behavior or noncompliance.
Try to visualize the tantrum as a process and ride it out without it getting the best of you. If you let frustration or anger show, it will make everything worse.
To be effective, punishment must be swift and short-lived. Special needs children can have a hard time connecting the punishment to the action that triggered it.
July 1, 2021
I’m a teacher in special education and I’ve worked with a lot of autistic students. This is definitely my least favorite nonfiction about autism. Though Peete pointed out at the end he had to put aside his ideal family view he’d always had and said to others “it’s not about you, it’s about your child,” it didn’t feel like he actually lived that. Some of his advice was good (especially that parents have to advocate for their child) while other advice I totally disagreed with (he said a district’s cookie cutter education might not be individualized to meet each kids’ needs but he also tells you how to treat your child like there’s only one way that’s best).
If you read this book, please read other books written by autistic authors as well as their families. There’s much better first hand accounts out there. I just wish there was more diversity in them.
If you read this book, please read other books written by autistic authors as well as their families. There’s much better first hand accounts out there. I just wish there was more diversity in them.
September 23, 2024
I am so glad that Rodney Peete wrote this book. As a mom, it really helped me to be able to understand the ways my husband is processing our son’s autism diagnosis because it does look like a very different response than mine. I feel more equipped to be patient with him and give him space. It makes me want to cheerlead his engagement with our family even when it is not how I would interact with our kids. He is a vital player for our family’s flourishing and I am thankful for the dads that try even a little bit to be present for their kids rather than retreating into denial or depression. None of us knows everything or how to do this neurodiversity thing perfectly and we all need grace and each other ♥️
February 24, 2024
This was a good book for the most part about a man and his coming to terms and dealing with his son’s autism. It is a touching story and would probably be inspiring and helpful to any parent who has a child with autism, however, there are different levels of autism so this isn’t an instruction or guide book on how to deal with autism. I read this book because a good friend of mine has a son who is autistic and it did help me to understand his behavior somewhat but it was not unique to his level, I think this book would be more likely to help people to come to terms with the diagnosis of their child having autism.
July 1, 2025
Informative read on autism. Can draw some lessons from it to apply to Park, but very different journey. Cluster of vaccinations may have lead to their son’s autism. Did give me an idea to search/start support group for dads of kids with brain cancer/ependymoma. Will see if I follow through with it
March 22, 2023
A perspective we hardly read - the father of a child with autism. Not the greatest writing, but the perspective is interesting.
May 6, 2023
As a father of a young autistic girl, this resonated with me on so many levels. Moved me to tears quite a few times, and provided a wealth of emotional support for me in a sea of loneliness.
Read
June 14, 20233.75 stars.
July 28, 2025
I really enjoyed this coming from a dads perspective. This book provided so many great ideas and supports.
August 11, 2010
Not My Boy! is an incredibly honest book, written by retired NFL quarterback Rodney Peete. He and his wife, Holly Robinson Peete (I remember her way back in "21 Jump Street") have an autistic son. This is Rodney's account of his emotions, reactions, and even some advice, as they have gone through this experience in their lives.
The first half of the book is more or less narrative about when the son started exhibiting symptoms of autism and how he and his wife reacted. The second half is advice to parents who are in the same "boat." I don't agree with all of it, but that's okay. I seldom agree 100% with anyone, and don't expect to. We all have different perspectives, and on the autism spectrum, there are many of those.
Peete believes that his son's autism was triggered (careful to indicate not "caused") by a massive amount of vaccines that were given his son all at one time. Note that Peete is NOT in the anti-vaccine camp. They simply were more careful of the timing on the rest of their kids.
I did enjoy the book, and there are some good resources in the back of it. But I will say this. It doesn't help me a whole lot, I realized, when I read books on autism by "celebrity" parents. (If you keep up with me, you know the last one I read was by Shonda Schilling, wife of retired Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling.) These folks are rolling in money and can afford to pay for as many different treatments as they can find (for example, in one chapter, Peete said they were spending around $160,000 a year on therapies). Obviously folks like me can't afford to do stuff like that. Nevertheless, the book was informative and enjoyable, and I found Peete's honesty and openness to be unusual and refreshing.
The first half of the book is more or less narrative about when the son started exhibiting symptoms of autism and how he and his wife reacted. The second half is advice to parents who are in the same "boat." I don't agree with all of it, but that's okay. I seldom agree 100% with anyone, and don't expect to. We all have different perspectives, and on the autism spectrum, there are many of those.
Peete believes that his son's autism was triggered (careful to indicate not "caused") by a massive amount of vaccines that were given his son all at one time. Note that Peete is NOT in the anti-vaccine camp. They simply were more careful of the timing on the rest of their kids.
I did enjoy the book, and there are some good resources in the back of it. But I will say this. It doesn't help me a whole lot, I realized, when I read books on autism by "celebrity" parents. (If you keep up with me, you know the last one I read was by Shonda Schilling, wife of retired Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling.) These folks are rolling in money and can afford to pay for as many different treatments as they can find (for example, in one chapter, Peete said they were spending around $160,000 a year on therapies). Obviously folks like me can't afford to do stuff like that. Nevertheless, the book was informative and enjoyable, and I found Peete's honesty and openness to be unusual and refreshing.
April 11, 2011
Not My Boy is a great read. Not just for parents with kids on the Autism spectrum, but for all parents. Holly Robinson Peete and Rodney Peete demonstrate a couple who carefully consider their parenting choices. They're purposeful fore-thought to parenting can benefit any parent. I originally read this book thinking this will be a great preview read for me to see if I could recommend this to my husband who doesn't really have a support system of dads around him. I cannot believe how much, as a mom, I see myself in parts of this book. It's amazing that people you don't know and are unlikely to meet can think so much alike. This book may come across as preachy sometimes, but maybe the author's entitled. He and his wife seem to instinctively go through the process of diagnosis and acceptance doing almost everything right! Yet, the author doesn't seem completely unaccesible either. There first section describes their journey through diagnosis to present time. The second is chuck full of advice for parents with kids on the spectrum. I borrowed the copy I read, but full intend to purchase my own copy. There is just too much good, common-sense advice and great resources to absorb it all at once. I'd recommend this book highly not just to parents of children on the spectrum, but to those with "typical" children too. A great book about how thoughtful,careful parenting can lead to great success!
June 12, 2011
Throughout my career as a teacher and children’s pastor, I have experienced over thirty children who were on the autistic spectrum. Ashamedly, I had never read a book from the parent’s perspective. Rodney Peete, former NFL quarterback talks about his struggle to parent R.J. his son who is autistic.
I enjoyed the book because Peete looks at the situation like most men would. He first had to deal with the reality that his child had autism, then he had to work through what that meant for R.J.’s future. I am sure this is a difficult thing for a dad to go through.
In each chapter, Peete gives some pointers on what he did, also giving what worked really well with his child. Through this book, there are basic ideas and a few complex ones. If you know very little about the Autism Spectrum, this would be a great book to pick up. If your child was recently diagnosed with Autism, you should definitely check it out. It is biographical in nature and is an easy read.
My top three take aways:
1. Don’t always insist on eye contact to mean that a child is listening to you. (This can be true for any child)
2. Don’t ever give up with helping a child, seek help and change your methodology. (It truly takes a support group for special needs kids)
3. A lot of parents are in need of support. He states that 1 in every 150 kids is Autistic. (This is a call for the church to be active and accepting of ALL children into our communities)
I enjoyed the book because Peete looks at the situation like most men would. He first had to deal with the reality that his child had autism, then he had to work through what that meant for R.J.’s future. I am sure this is a difficult thing for a dad to go through.
In each chapter, Peete gives some pointers on what he did, also giving what worked really well with his child. Through this book, there are basic ideas and a few complex ones. If you know very little about the Autism Spectrum, this would be a great book to pick up. If your child was recently diagnosed with Autism, you should definitely check it out. It is biographical in nature and is an easy read.
My top three take aways:
1. Don’t always insist on eye contact to mean that a child is listening to you. (This can be true for any child)
2. Don’t ever give up with helping a child, seek help and change your methodology. (It truly takes a support group for special needs kids)
3. A lot of parents are in need of support. He states that 1 in every 150 kids is Autistic. (This is a call for the church to be active and accepting of ALL children into our communities)
April 23, 2010
Not My Boy! was a fantastic read. I absolutely loved reading this book. It chronicles a family journey through autism in the eyes of the patriarch. At the end of the book there is a nifty "handbook" that gives parents, family, and friends of kids on the spectrum a great start in regards to treatment. I would have preferred the author to go into detail about the different treatments, but instead he just name-dropped. Perhaps he did not go into detail because he reiterated the fact that he was not a doctor or professional. Nonetheless, I loved the book and I picked up his daughter's book, "My Brother Charlie" for my nephew.
I am extremely excited that many celebrities that have children on the spectrum are bringing awareness to this epidemic. I know with more action that we can better understand the world of autism.
I am extremely excited that many celebrities that have children on the spectrum are bringing awareness to this epidemic. I know with more action that we can better understand the world of autism.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 9, 2010
I think it's great that Mr. Peete stood up for dads and said, here's what you gotta do to keep it together while your family is dealing with a medical crisis. On the other hand, I was like, oh look, celebrities, they're just like us! Only not at all. He estimates that he spent $160,000 a YEAR on his son's needs ... times that by eight years and you have an amount of money that no normal person ever sees. I'm sure he realizes how lucky he is but it made me grind my teeth, thinking about my good friend who is a single mom, raising an autistic son by herself, making almost nothing at her job. Other than that I enjoyed the book.
March 21, 2011
I picked this up because my nephew is autistic, and I thought it might be a good book for his dad. I concluded that it would be very helpful for a father (particularly the stereotypical "tough guy" type) whose child has just received a diagnosis, but for families who have been in the system awhile, there wasn't a lot of new information. The "advice" sections felt padded to me, but I suppose it would be helpful to have Peete's directives spelled out if you're in the middle of coping with autism.
Of course, if you just like to see the "behind the scenes" in a famous person's life, then it might also be interesting.
Of course, if you just like to see the "behind the scenes" in a famous person's life, then it might also be interesting.
November 13, 2012
This book is the personal narrative of Rodney Peete, which describes his son's autism diagnosis and his family's journey as they deal with it. It is a touching story, especially for anyone that has been affected by autism spectrum disorders. However, a large potion of this book is an advice section for parents of children with autism that I found to be especially dry. I would recommend it for anyone who has an interest in special education or autism spectrum disorders, as it enlightens the reader on the family perspective.
October 30, 2014
It was interesting to get a father's perspective on the whole autism thing. My favorite quote from the book was probably by Phillip Hain: "It's as simple as the fact that you were thrown this curve in life and that's too bad, but you have to deal with it. Overcome it, or let it overtake you. It's not what you expected and it's not fun, but it is what it is. Who do you want to win? Or, anther way of asking the question is, Do you want to be the loser?"
May 17, 2010
Rodney Peete writes with such honesty about his struggle to adjust his hopes and dreams for his son when he is diagnosed with autism. He offers wonderful insight which could be applicable to all father-son relationships. The Peetes became strong advocates for children with autism, refuse to accept expected limitations, and discuss an interesting theory which links digestive problems to vaccinations.
May 6, 2010
Nice to see a father's story, for a change. It seems like most books are aimed at women.
Some of this was a little glossy (his kid is doing really really well! and they spent tons and tons of money!) but he did delve into some really difficult stuff, too.
Some of this was a little glossy (his kid is doing really really well! and they spent tons and tons of money!) but he did delve into some really difficult stuff, too.
October 28, 2012
Although I found Rodney Peete's point of view interesting, I felt the book was not well written. This would be a good read for dads.
June 27, 2010
Honest y Heartfelt
September 20, 2010
Very basic writing. Very quick read. It was okay.
November 5, 2010
I read this one as a book on tape to and from work... learned a lot about how fathers handle autism
November 5, 2012
Good book, I wish i had this 15 years ago. There was some good insight to how a couple deals with autism.
May 17, 2014
Fathers need to read this.
November 24, 2015
Some 2 star parts, some 4 star parts
November 20, 2012
Candid, thoughtful, & informative.
April 18, 2013
Very honest
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