Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart

by John Ensor

There is a radical, biblical alternative to much of what is taught and practiced today regarding relationships. Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart presents a bold plan for escaping the swift currents of contemporary patterns of hooking up, shacking up, and breaking up. It draws a compelling vision of complementarity between the sexes. It instructs men on what to do and informs women on what to look for in their mutual pursuit of a healthy, tender, long-term relationship.

Genres: Christian, Relationships, Counselling, Religion, Marriage, Sexuality, Nonfiction

160 pages, Paperback

First published April 4, 2007

Reviews

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a book on Christian male/female relationships that entirely ignores the threadbare and wearisome courtship vs. dating debate. Ensor can't be bothered with those boxes because he's got bigger things on his mind: what would a male/female relationship defined and governed by scriptural principles really look like? What a relief. I highly recommend this.

[Kenneth Clayton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book on biblical relationships. It hits a lot on the different roles of men and women and gives a lot of great practical examples. Great for preparing for marriage and I would think even for married couples.

[Debra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent, thought provoking book on relationships before and within marriage, plus some insightful comments on what people really desire.

[Alexis Neal · Rating 1 out of 5]

The substance is largely sound, and he makes some good points, but the writing is terrible. With a better writer (or a good editor) this book could have been much more persuasive and compelling.

[Michelle Miller · Rating 1 out of 5]

Solid, Biblical advice…and painfully cheesy.

[Emily Manning · Rating 4 out of 5]

all about the complementarian view of a married relationship.

[Daniel Abernathy · Rating 1 out of 5]

In brief, Ensor's book says some good things that are overshadowed by highly dangerous excerpts of veiled misogyny. There are better books on biblical gender roles and complementarianism that do not malign women. Please, read one of those.

The worst excerpts are found on pages 98-100; 105-106; and 127. Instead of addressing men for their own sins and lack of self-control, Ensor blames women for "undermining God's work of maturing manhood" (106). He encourages men with hopeful pictures of a loving family while terrorizing women with visions of failure filled with eating disorders and depression. He also saves his harshest figurative language for women such as saying that an argumentative wife "harps and barks and nags and belittles" (99) while a woman concerned with her appearance is "like a dog chasing a meat wagon" (127). Finally, if a woman finds herself married to a rebellious, stiff-necked husband, Ensor advises her to "shut up about it in his presence" (100).

All of this is couched in a book that talks about needing God and loving one another. One can definitely find helpful sentences and ideas within Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart. However, I would not recommend this book to anyone. It is not written well as some other reviews have mentioned. None of its ideas are so revolutionary to warrant choosing it over other books on the topic. And most of all, the book is peppered throughout with ungodly statements that, I'm sure, have harmfully influenced the thinking of young Christian men and women.

[Rebeca · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book was very well written, however some terms were unnecessary such as the use of curse words, the b-word and another one when Shakespeare was quoted.
I found it very theoretical, specially the first part of the book, and very superficial.
Also, I think that quoting Shakespeare in every single chapter is pretty exhausting and unrealistic for a Christian book on how to do things RIGHT in matters of the heart when, for exemple, Romeo and Juliet end up committing suicide for the sake of "love" (something young Christians should never consider).
Something that I found very interesting about the content of the book was the emphasis on the duty of manhood and womanhood and how he uses his own exemple to illustrate that. In addition, the part directed for girls on how to find the right guy was short and helpful, just fight for purity, something we have to keep in mind 24-7.
So, I would be more satisfied with the book if I knew some of these things about the content of the book, so I hope that it was helpful for you!

[Katelyn Harden · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short read just under 160 pages that reminds men and women of the faith of what it means to be in (intentional) relationship before Christ.

What is the heart of woman, and what is the heart of man?

What do we DO in light of such truths?

He initiates... she responds.
He leads... she guides.
He works... she waits.
He abstains to protect... she, to test.
He displays integrity... she, inner beauty.
He loves by sacrificing, she by submitting.

Just a few of the "doing" chapter titles to "whet your pallet". Author spoke in plain intelligence. Straight-forward and personal. An informative, well-timed, easy read!

[Andrew Micah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good, bracing common sense in this one, and even a few things said beautifully. Also a fair amount of chaff that is a bit more misleading and potentially harmful than it sounds to call it that. I was bettered by reading it but those that can’t sift divine precept from a person’s preferences might not be. There’s also some really unsound-in-speech ways of saying things, and rough handling of sensitive issues. Not all bad, but I’d have a hard time recommending it/giving it to anyone.

[Rachel Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a breath of fresh air. Ensor clearly shows how God created man and women with equal beauty and intention. He also gives very practical advice on how to interact with others of the opposite sex in a way that honors both you, them, and God. Please, read this book. Whether married or single, everyone can glean wisdom.

[Rhonda Barr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the most balanced on this subject out of all I’ve read. It especially helps to know it was written by someone with actual years of experience to back up their word. They way Ensor pointed out the Biblical roles of men and women is an echo of the Bible’s teaching, and I’m amazed I didn’t realize those things before. My eyes were really opened through this book!

[Elise Schiel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book to read to hopefully minister to where my heart is currently as a wife, and boy did it deliver. This was a refreshing, well-researched read for both men and women; single and married. It has so much Biblical truth specifically for young people entering dating age. This is a book I will keep in mind for Scripture references when my kids have grown older.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really helpful read in the dating phase of a relationship. Very practical in defining the biblical manhood and womanhood and the roles and responsibilities of each in a relationship that is headed toward marriage.

[Megaan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good, commonsense, briefly written about manhood / womanhood from a biblical perspective. I plan to have my kids read this when they're old enough.

[Brenda Huntsman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Along with scripture, this is my current top reading suggestion for those seeking a Biblical perspective as it relates to relationships and marriage. Great reminder even after marriage!

[Laura NC · Rating 2 out of 5]

I agree with a lot of it, but he uses a phrase over and over that is so out of touch, crude and demeaning that it’s shocking. Written in 2007 but still.

[JT Goodart · Rating 3 out of 5]

Offered some great insights into biblical manhood and womanhood and what that should look like within marriage.

[bex 🌱 · Rating 1 out of 5]

i read out one line of this to my family and multiple people yelled out ‘nooooo’

[Nikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the writing style of this book was a bit messy. In my opinion, the author quoted too many other authors and such in the middle of trying to get his own point across. Otherwise, it does deliver good messages..and he makes a lot of good points. It was an interesting book to read, I just wish the way it was written/edited was a little bit better.

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book about preparing for and being married, focusing on the roles and differences God wired in men and women. Great book to read preparing for marriage, and great book after marriage. Highly recommended!

[Nick Knardirell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! Part one for me was a little dry but necessary. Part 2 of the book was the meat for me. I look forward to putting into practice the concepts Ensor insists upon. Man is made to pursue woman.

[Manet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Waiting for my copy to arrive! Thanks to Arian! ;)

[Robin Akin · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautifully biblical book about manhood and womanhood. Micah read this after we started courting and enjoyed my hand-written notes in the margin... what a way to get to know someone :-)

[Coyle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Far too many uses of the phrase "condom for the heart."
Otherwise, an excellent short introduction to the theology of relationships.
The writing style? Not so excellent.

[High Pointe Baptist Church]

Our culture and our sinful hearts lie to us as we think about marriage and pursuing marriage, but Ensor helps us see what Scripture teaches.

[Danielle S.]

Clearly lays out God given roles. Insightful, and helpful.

[Shiffra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very easy read. Gets straight to the point about how men and women relate in relationships in this world and how G-d wants us to.

[Gary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really quite useful, especially for those just entering the world of relationships.

Liked it.

[Queen · Rating 5 out of 5]

My pastor began reading this book to us in order to give people time to arrive to Bible study and I was immediately pulled in. I will admit that there are some grammatical errors in the book, but the content allows you to move past that.

Ensor does a great job in laying out biblical text and application regarding dating, marriage, and a life happily ever after with your spouse. Deeper than that, he establishes the role of men and women and reinforces why God has made us different and how those difference compliment and interact with one another.

I would recommend this book to young people who are trying to navigate the world of dating in a culture that wants us to be worldly and not mindful of the effects those decisions are having on our bodies and long term relationships.