From One Child to Two: What to Expect, How to Cope, and How to Enjoy Your Growing Family

by Judy Dunn

Most mothers and fathers are surprised at how different parenthood feels when the second child arrives. Even before the birth, a host of new questions can you possibly love a second child as much as the first? Is it better to have them close in age or farther apart? What about sibling rivalry?

In From One Child to Two, Judy Dunn gives parents all the information, emotional support, and reassurance they need to handle the stress -- and relish the joys -- of raising two children. An internationally recognized expert in the field of sibling relations, Dunn draws on her own decade-long study of siblings at home, as well as from extensive interviews and observations of parents and children.
-- How the second pregnancy differs from the first
-- How and when to break the news to the first child
-- How to manage the days surrounding the birth, the hospital visit, and the crucial first month
-- Being prepared for your firstborn's reaction to the new sibling by age group -- toddlers, preschoolers, or children in early elementary school
-- How to cope with the new demands on your marriage
-- The major milestones that families face together -- the changing role of fathers and grandparents, managing new schedules, and coping with parental burnout
-- Sibling what to do about fighting, when to intervene, and when it's supposed to get better!

Whether you're contemplating a second child, expecting one any day, or trying to cope with the changing dynamics of your newly expanded family, From One Child to Two is an indispensable guide. Filled with common sense, down-to-earth, and eminently practical advice, this is the one parenting book that you will refer to again and again.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

Judy Dunn is the author of many books for young children. Some of her most popular titles are projects she worked on with her mother, acclaimed photographer Phoebe Dunn. Those works include The Little Rabbit, The Little Duck, The Little Puppy, The Little Kitten, and many more.

Reviews

[jacky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't read the last chapter of this book and only skimmed the second to last chapter. These chapters dealt with issues further down the line than I am concerned with at the moment, though I think I would have liked the chapter on why siblings are different.

I would have to agree with other reviewers that the tone of this book is pessimistic. This is my second book on this topic, and while my first title was very supportive, this book lacked that. I think that the author's research on sibling rivalry may have contributed greatly to the direction of the book. It had a lot of information about how your child might react to a new baby, but didn't spend much time on the possible positive reactions. There was advice on how to help make the transition smoother, but it stressed that research shows that there is no evidence that this prep helps much and that no matter the initial reaction, it doesn't indicate anything about later relationships between siblings.

There was a lot of advice given about all the problems presented, but most of it wasn't that surprising. The most common pieces of advice were not to force things and to provide lots of love for your first born. One of my biggest annoyances with this book was its insistence that mother's bathe their children alone. Why would you attempt bath times alone if you have the option to wait for your spouse to help you at bed time? That should have been the advice given versus how to distract the older child or how to bath them together alone. A couple other things annoyed me personally, such as staying the father will be exhausted too (not if he isn't getting up at night because you are breast feeding) and that you should get out for breaks both alone and with your spouse (again, not for a couple months if you are breast feeding exclusively). So, in general, I didn't like how this book wasn't as supportive of breast feeding. Lastly, I disliked the formatting. The way the headings for the lists were formatted wasn't consistent. Sometimes the font would be in caps, or a different size, or italicized, or there would be bullets. It should have been the same every time. I also disliked the author's frequent use of italics for emphasis.

Overall, this book was not a waste of time, and it did get me thinking about some different issues about caring for two children, but it wasn't a pleasurable read and wouldn't be my go-to book on the subject. I would not choose this book to give as a gift to someone having their second child by any means.

[Wendy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I purchased this book specifically because it advertised itself as designed for parents of an older toddler with a newborn on the way. The book was not very useful though for my situation, and I hope not helpful for many people though I realize I'm optimistic. While it did give me a few ideas on the smaller things I hadn't thought of (like not holding newborn at hospital when first-born arrives so they can run up and hug you as they are prone to do), almost the entirety of the book contained information that I had already thought of or my parents had already suggested. If you want reassurance or have absolutely no clue, this book might be for you. The book also was a big proponent of the birth of the second child being the prime time for dad to step in and help out. If "dad" hasn't stepped in by now and helped out, what's he around for? I realize I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is a great father and contributes to our family as much as any other family member... and if you're in the same situation you might not find this book very useful.

[Astrid Pater · Rating 2 out of 5]

Af en toe voelde het boek wat gedateerd aan. Daarnaast viel het me op dat het vooral over conflicten gaat die kinderen met elkaar hebben. Je gaat je bijna afvragen waarom dan meer kinderen nemen dan 1. Dat het boek daarnaast een Amerikaanse achtergrond heeft kwam het sterkst naar voren uit de zin:”...meer dan de helft van de kinderen in de loop van een jaar hun broertje of zusje schopte, beet, een klap gaf, met een voorwerp sloeg, in elkaar sloeg, aanviel met een mes of een vuurwapen.” Toegegeven, er zaten ook wel dingen in t boek waarvan ik dacht “goed om even over na te denken en bij stil te staan”. Met name als je na een bevalling een paar dagen in het ziekenhuis moet blijven. Ik zou het boek niet aanraden, maar je hebt het ook zo uit als je toch nieuwsgierig bent.

[Laura Carnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

The only thing you can count on is that there’ll be differences between them. p-14 A second — and very big plus — is that another child often increases the father’s involvement with his familyp-18
The big plus of the hospital visits is that it eases your child’s anxiety about being separated from you, and vice versa. It is often very hard to be away from your first child; you will miss him as much as he misses you.p-54 bring present got 1st
You need a strong back if you go the sling-and-stroller route; if you use a double stroller, be prepared for how unmaneuverable the thing is (especially when fully loaded with children), and for unhelpful passersby who glare at you.-92

[Stacy · Rating 3 out of 5]

An excellent overview of how to prepare for the arrival of #2 and likely effects on your older child. I thought this was very informative.

[Shelby Workman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good overview. A little dated and redundant.

[Kathleen Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

The subtitle is What to expect, how to cope and how to enjoy your growing family. This was a great resource, but I wish I had read it while I was still pregnant. It has sections on your second pregnancy and how it may or will be different from your first. It also has pointers on preparing for the arrival, what it will be like at the hospital and if and how you may want to bring your firstborn to see the baby. Then it talks about when you come home and the first three weeks with two children. Then in goes on about the first year and the growing relationship between siblings. It explains common reactions from your first to your second child and how to deal with them. Also how their relationship will continue to grow and most importantly, that how your firstborn reacts early on doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their relationship later on.

There is also a section on conflict and rivalry and siblings' individuality. There is also one chapter for those who's second pregnancy is twins.

The sections that covered what I already went through described perfectly what happened and the ones that I've yet to go through (when the second born is older) had great info and ideas on what to expect and what to do to help their relationship grow.

Recommended for all second time parents.

[Becca · Rating 1 out of 5]

Here's the gist of this book:
Wow, having another kid? Jeez, that's a doozy. Um, well.. I guess it just depends on what you, your older kid, and your new baby are, like, LIKE? You know? Hm, so...good luck with that!


AAAAAAAAARGH! Shouldn't there be some generally applicable basics-- major mistakes to avoid? She does have little bulleted lists at the end of each section with some useful things like, Expect regression in the older child and go with the flow about it rather than cracking down, and maybe try giving the older kid a present when the baby arrives so that she doesn't feel too left out of all the excitement.

All in all, I've gotten much better advice and reassurance from friends: that the transition from no kids to that first baby is way harder than the transition from one kid to two... and that the first couple months are hard but things get easier...

Ayayay.

[Carrie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I only read the first half of this book... maybe skimmed is a better word. I was disappointed overall since it included only very basic information about expanding your family. I was hoping for a book that included more tips and tricks to ease the transition for the oldest child. I have gotten more helpful tips from friends and family than from this book. I will keep looking for a book along those lines.

[Tatiana · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book kept me up at night! Don't read this if you are already pregnant with your 2nd - this is a book to ponder if you are THINKING about getting pregnant with your second. The only good section was pg 106 with tips on what to do when BBII becomes a toddler and into everything that means something to your older child.

[Anastasia · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dated, pessimistic, with vague suggestions. There doesn't seem to be much out there to help adults prepare for a second child, but this book is still pretty terrible. A better book is (even more dated) Your Second Child by Joan Solomon Weiss.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is pretty good. Each chapter has highlights at the end, so I would recommend just reading the highlights or brushing up on the highlights from time to time. I intent to skim over these items from time to time after my daughter is born.

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like the posititve spin that this book put on having two children. I was feeling a little guilty for having to take our time away from Timmy, but now I look at it as giving him someone to play with for years to come. I hope they turn out to be friends :)

[Kara · Rating 1 out of 5]

One of the more disappointing books I've brought home lately. It's very dated and negative. I was hoping for something with positive ideas or suggestions/tips, but this is not it. I gave up after the first few chapters.

[Simone · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned a couple of helpful things, but overall I thought Dunn's tone was too pesimistic.

[Cherilyn]

So far, VERY informative about having a second child and the impact it will have on your first and family.

[Heather · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was just downright - and unnecessarily - scary. Don't read it, especially if you're pregnant with #2!

[Polly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good guide to going from one to two over the first 2 years.
Some sibling rivalry stuff

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for bringing a second baby into the home with your first.

[Nina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Useful book because it helps to imagine/prepare some negative repercussions of a growing family, however, suggestions are too vague and abstract to follow.