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The Rootworker
Mass Market Paperback
First published December 1, 1983
34 people want to read
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November 18, 2025
If you like urination, booby traps, marijuana-is-the-devil tropes, pure randomness, being a good Christian, and a general interest in learning, about, say, roots and why they are of use to none other than Satan, then this book is for you.
Spoiler ahead:
Dano said, "Okay, so the closer something is to you, the better the chances of the roots working. Right?"
"Right! That's the most powerful weapon of a Rootworker. The closer something is to you, the better the chances of making the roots work. And your shit 💩, the very tip end of the last turd that comes out, is what he is after. And believe me, your shit is about as personal and as close as anyone can get to you."
"Yeah, I see what you mean," said Dano.
"Anyway, as I was saying, Uria made a mistake one day and forgot to stir things up. You know, down there in those days, they only had the woods to use. No bathroom, no outhouse, just the woods! Howsomever, Jim Perkins got Uria's squat, put a root on it, and threw it out in the lake. Uria took deathly sick in a couple of hours. Now, my great-granddaddy knew something about roots. It didn't take him long to figure out what had happened. He went down to the lake and started diving, time and time again."
"Why?" asked Dano.
"Because if he had got the roots, he could have broken the spell."
THE VERY TIP!
Put a root (bird) on it!
Spoiler ahead:
Dano said, "Okay, so the closer something is to you, the better the chances of the roots working. Right?"
"Right! That's the most powerful weapon of a Rootworker. The closer something is to you, the better the chances of making the roots work. And your shit 💩, the very tip end of the last turd that comes out, is what he is after. And believe me, your shit is about as personal and as close as anyone can get to you."
"Yeah, I see what you mean," said Dano.
"Anyway, as I was saying, Uria made a mistake one day and forgot to stir things up. You know, down there in those days, they only had the woods to use. No bathroom, no outhouse, just the woods! Howsomever, Jim Perkins got Uria's squat, put a root on it, and threw it out in the lake. Uria took deathly sick in a couple of hours. Now, my great-granddaddy knew something about roots. It didn't take him long to figure out what had happened. He went down to the lake and started diving, time and time again."
"Why?" asked Dano.
"Because if he had got the roots, he could have broken the spell."
THE VERY TIP!
Put a root (bird) on it!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Displaying 1 of 1 review