Here be spoilers. And swearing. AND ALL-CAPS!
1. There are too many plot lines to keep track of. By the time Stella, Pectoral Pete and Ottoline the Well-Endowed, or whatever the fuck her name was, were mentioned for a second time, I had long since forgotten who they were.
2. What is with the words used in this book? There's a part early in the book about Georgie's son using the internet too much—"what seas was he travelling?", she wonders—he says to her something like "I'm a cyberchild!" or "I'm a hypertext kid!" Stop it. No one talks like that. Ever.
The main character also uses cutesy names for people and things: Mrs Goodknee (Mrs Goodney), Bad Eel (Baddiel), duck tape (duct tape). It's not charming. In fact, Georgie is surprised to discover that "duck" tape doesn't involve quacking or waddling. Kill me now.
It's also unclear what the main character's name is. First she's Georgie, then she's Georgia, Georgette, Georganopoulous, et cetera. The other characters are calling her these names, which I thought was because they were old and/or foreign and oh-so-hilarious, but then Georgeawallawallabingbang reveals later in the story that she's going through different phases. What kind of a phase is it to change your fucking name 18 times a week? Is she supposed to have brain damage? If so, I don't think it's been clearly spelled out to the reader. Which brings me to…
3. Georgie. Fucking insufferable bint.
Her husband left her. He was too busy to put a toothbrush holder on the wall so she threw hot milk in his face. Y'know, as you do.
After he was gone, every man was a potential partner. Jesus. Lady, your life doesn't have to revolve around who you are, or aren't, or would like to be boning. It's called a vibrator, look it up. After she gets tied to the bed and fucked by a real estate agent on several different occasions, she has the nerve to freak the fuck over on a woman who she sees kissing her ex-husband. She shoves a banana in her face and up her nose. And then she proceeds to refer to that woman as the "Scarlet-mouthed slut" for the rest of the story. Pardon me, my dear, but Ottoline wasn't the one being reamed against a headboard wearing crotchless panties given to her by a man she hardly knew, OK?
Georgie is also a super shitty parent. Her son, Ben, is becoming a religious maniac, constantly surfing websites about the apocalypse and the end of days. Of course, being a shitty parent, Georgie doesn't think to really talk to her son, or, I don't know, maybe WATCH WHAT THE FUCK HE'S DOING ON THE INTERNET, until the halfway point of the book, and even at that point, she just sort of stumbles across it accidentally. And what does she do with this new-found knowledge? SWEET FUCK-ALL. Nothing happens with this stupid brat until he has a seizure and they go to the hospital and—ta-da—it was just photo-sensitive epilepsy that was turning him into a potential suicide-bomber. BECAUSE OF COURSE IT WAS.
I'm tired of writing now, but I haven't even covered most of the book. There's also the lady who lived in the house full of cat shit (the main story), the arabic man who fixed a lock, who had two nephews who Georgioarmani let move into the cat-shit lady's house while she was in the hospital, an ENTIRE CHAPTER devoted to the death and funeral of a character who is tertiary, at best, the glue references that were too forced to make sense, the thinly-veiled, um, allegory, I guess? to the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, the fact that this Georgie woman moves back in with her husband even though they clearly hate each other and I don't think they were even talking at the end but who knows because I had really given up on the book by the end and was mainly just skimming hoping for each new page to be the last oh and now look ive even given up on punctuation and capitalization because i think this book broke my brain
I think the cat threw himself under the car on purpose. Can't say I blame him.