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Healing the Masculine Soul: How God Restores Men to Real Manhood
In his groundbreaking book fifteen years ago, Gordon Dalbey identified the fact that men's souls have been torn between strength and sensitivity. Today, the situation is even worse. The politically correct crowd cries out for men to be more sensitive, to tame their masculine nature. On the opposing side, the media bombards men with "macho" images of violence and lust. Is it any wonder men are left bewildered about who they should be? In this newly revised and updated edition of Healing the Masculine Soul , Dalbey claims that there's hope for restoration, hope for healing-because Christ has come to heal us. God is calling men out to a relationship with Himself and calling them out to authentic manhood. "Our task is not to curse our manhood, but to redeem it," he writes. Gordon Dalbey's refreshing, comprehensive picture of God's design for the masculine soul dares men to be as God created them to be-not as society demands. Dalbey tackles the tough issues, including work, sexuality, marriage, and fatherhood. Book includes Study Guide.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1988
130 people are currently reading
600 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
April 14, 2009
Though I may not agree with all that Dalbey says, I found this book to be helpful in understanding masculinity & healing a little more. As one reviewer put it, it's deeper than Eldredge's 'Wild at Heart', but some of the hermeneutical moves & prooftexting made me raise an eyebrow now and then. (And, there must be more to helping adolescent males enter manhood than singing hymns, playing sports, and learning American history -- some of Dalbey's suggestions for rituals of manhood. Ok, so I'm not painting the full picture, but still!)
I also wonder what he would have to say to men who have a different experience in the United States. It sounded as if this book were written with mostly white, middle class males in mind. Asian American males have been battered & emasculated by the general culture & society -- how might this book speak healing to them? What does it mean for Asian males to receive love from their fathers, and does masculinity look slightly different in Asian contexts? (i.e. healthy filial piety)
Overall, this book was enlightening, and I'm learning to unlearn projections of femininity onto males. I found the chapters on Intro, Fathers & sons/daughters, and "Out from the Womb" and "To Corral the Stallion" to be helpful.
I also wonder what he would have to say to men who have a different experience in the United States. It sounded as if this book were written with mostly white, middle class males in mind. Asian American males have been battered & emasculated by the general culture & society -- how might this book speak healing to them? What does it mean for Asian males to receive love from their fathers, and does masculinity look slightly different in Asian contexts? (i.e. healthy filial piety)
Overall, this book was enlightening, and I'm learning to unlearn projections of femininity onto males. I found the chapters on Intro, Fathers & sons/daughters, and "Out from the Womb" and "To Corral the Stallion" to be helpful.
January 23, 2024
Overall: a lazy Christian attempt to tackle popular masculinity issues in America today. It covers the same ground as other books with a thin veneer of Christianity band-aided on. I would pick a different book.
Funnily enough, my wife bought me this book. I started sharing with her some of the ideas and we had a good laugh together about how I need to tell her what to do.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. But it has a couple of pearls, so it's not a 1-star.
Funnily enough, my wife bought me this book. I started sharing with her some of the ideas and we had a good laugh together about how I need to tell her what to do.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. But it has a couple of pearls, so it's not a 1-star.
May 11, 2021
PHENOMENAL READ. Could not put it down. So many topics covered and just a great breakdown of how to trust God to find your masculinity and strength and not what our culture dictates
July 11, 2008
A great book for any man who is feeling as though the world has forgotten about maleness to focus on femininity.
March 11, 2022
I read this book with a group of other Christian men for several weeks. We read two chapters at a time and discussed the questions provided in the study guide at the end of the book. It's a great conversation starter, and it offered a fascinating beginning for a discussion about family, our upbringing, and the influence of our parents.
However, the book focused on very broken men who have been feminized or emotionally stunted due to an absent father or a traumatic experience with their fathers. The book presupposes that all men are broken and must be repaired and healed from our allegedly dysfunctional childhood upbringing. I found it repetitive and frustrating in that it devoted most of the book to merely diagnosing a problem. What solutions it provided seemed glib and incomplete (except for one chapter highlighting the need for love originating from God first and not others).
Another frustrating aspect is the author's questionable approach in treating the broken men in therapy. He describes using dreams, visualization, and other subjective methods to break down the men (who always described as then shedding tears) and to build them up over time. The dramatic nature of these conversions seemed suspect as a sound Christian approach.
The book is heavily focused on the feminization of society and draws out some compelling interpretations of shortcomings in masculinity today. Yet, given the pseudo-psychological approach of the book, one wonders what are alternative Christian perspectives since the book advocates simplistic paradigms that could encourage shallow and presumptuous characterization of other flawed persons. For example, it would be easy to view any strong driven woman as merely acting out a lack of fatherly love, which could encourage a condesending and possibly misogynistic outlook.
Overall, the book was a great, albeit somewhat controversial, dive into men's issues that avoided at least the comical and shallow masculine tropes of Braveheart, medieval knights rescuing maidens, and the idealized focus of John Wayne and cowboys as models for masculinity. Somewhere inside this book are the ingredients of a good Christian guide to masculinity that may avoid turning away those bothered by its lack of nuance and overt generalizations.
However, the book focused on very broken men who have been feminized or emotionally stunted due to an absent father or a traumatic experience with their fathers. The book presupposes that all men are broken and must be repaired and healed from our allegedly dysfunctional childhood upbringing. I found it repetitive and frustrating in that it devoted most of the book to merely diagnosing a problem. What solutions it provided seemed glib and incomplete (except for one chapter highlighting the need for love originating from God first and not others).
Another frustrating aspect is the author's questionable approach in treating the broken men in therapy. He describes using dreams, visualization, and other subjective methods to break down the men (who always described as then shedding tears) and to build them up over time. The dramatic nature of these conversions seemed suspect as a sound Christian approach.
The book is heavily focused on the feminization of society and draws out some compelling interpretations of shortcomings in masculinity today. Yet, given the pseudo-psychological approach of the book, one wonders what are alternative Christian perspectives since the book advocates simplistic paradigms that could encourage shallow and presumptuous characterization of other flawed persons. For example, it would be easy to view any strong driven woman as merely acting out a lack of fatherly love, which could encourage a condesending and possibly misogynistic outlook.
Overall, the book was a great, albeit somewhat controversial, dive into men's issues that avoided at least the comical and shallow masculine tropes of Braveheart, medieval knights rescuing maidens, and the idealized focus of John Wayne and cowboys as models for masculinity. Somewhere inside this book are the ingredients of a good Christian guide to masculinity that may avoid turning away those bothered by its lack of nuance and overt generalizations.
June 22, 2024
It has some good ideas. Others I don't buy them.
It's definitely worth the read for anyone who grew without a father, even if you had a father figure, or maybe, even if you had a father but was too absent. Or if you want a framework to help someone else in this situation.
One thing that I'm not sure how to feel about is that event tho the first chapter is supposed to “identify” the wound, much of the book is on “identifying” and (what feels like) little on healing. I mean, it gives you examples of people experiencing healing and there are some good, maybe enough and even the best recommendations. My Zoomer mind can't help but to wish for a no brain step-by-step plan. But I also appreciate the teaching by showing, something can't just be put in a numbered list.
PS: The study guide seems like written not by the author and could've been much better. It even has some mayor mistakes in it. Like, it asks what you think about the X dream of Y person. When in the book, Y person actually lives through X situation. Stuff like this really kills your quality perception of the whole thing (the study guide).
It's definitely worth the read for anyone who grew without a father, even if you had a father figure, or maybe, even if you had a father but was too absent. Or if you want a framework to help someone else in this situation.
One thing that I'm not sure how to feel about is that event tho the first chapter is supposed to “identify” the wound, much of the book is on “identifying” and (what feels like) little on healing. I mean, it gives you examples of people experiencing healing and there are some good, maybe enough and even the best recommendations. My Zoomer mind can't help but to wish for a no brain step-by-step plan. But I also appreciate the teaching by showing, something can't just be put in a numbered list.
PS: The study guide seems like written not by the author and could've been much better. It even has some mayor mistakes in it. Like, it asks what you think about the X dream of Y person. When in the book, Y person actually lives through X situation. Stuff like this really kills your quality perception of the whole thing (the study guide).
November 18, 2019
After I read John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart last year, I try to find another book on manhood. And thank God I found and read this book! I was deeply moved by this book and I wholeheartedly recommend this wisdom and truthful teaching to all fathers and sons, and every husband and brother – all men! I underlined so many and wrote notes here and there (so, I will not lend it) because this book speaks to me personally as a man who needs to see God as the loving Father in order for me to be a real man of God.
Dalbey writes, “[If] we dare to respond as Father God calls us out to become His men, if we allow Him to nail our pride and our plans to the cross, we’re eligible at last to receive His Spirit and do our appointed task in restoring His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.”
To read my review and summary [and probably get sue for taking too many quotes] of Gordon Dalbey's Healing the Masculine Soul: How God Restores Men to Real Manhood (1988, 2003), CLICK HERE: https://www.richardangelus.me/2018/04...
Dalbey writes, “[If] we dare to respond as Father God calls us out to become His men, if we allow Him to nail our pride and our plans to the cross, we’re eligible at last to receive His Spirit and do our appointed task in restoring His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.”
To read my review and summary [and probably get sue for taking too many quotes] of Gordon Dalbey's Healing the Masculine Soul: How God Restores Men to Real Manhood (1988, 2003), CLICK HERE: https://www.richardangelus.me/2018/04...
March 18, 2024
Some good truths of the truths of the importance of a man leaving the guidance of his mother and embracing the love and guidance of his father. Many wounds have occurred due to men not telling their children, sons or daughters, that they love them and see the masculinity or femininity respectively in each of them.
There are some outdated ideas particularly in his handling of porn and lust that show a book unconnected to the realities of that battle in today’s time.
One line particularly had me cringe as he quotes one man saying ‘a man in the spirit can sees that nice attractive lady, he can say in the name of Jesus no’
This is horribly flawed as it makes the woman out to be the temptation or even evil to be avoided. Instead men should be able to see that nice attractive lady and see that she is human and not look at her with lust but with the love of Jesus.
I’ll keep looking for a book hitting at the heart of masculinity. This isn’t it.
There are some outdated ideas particularly in his handling of porn and lust that show a book unconnected to the realities of that battle in today’s time.
One line particularly had me cringe as he quotes one man saying ‘a man in the spirit can sees that nice attractive lady, he can say in the name of Jesus no’
This is horribly flawed as it makes the woman out to be the temptation or even evil to be avoided. Instead men should be able to see that nice attractive lady and see that she is human and not look at her with lust but with the love of Jesus.
I’ll keep looking for a book hitting at the heart of masculinity. This isn’t it.
January 10, 2018
Initially looking for Richard Rohr's book on male spirituality, I found Dalbey's. I read this for more insight on leading men, and to understand "the other" better. This book leans very conservative and how it is written might be unpalatable for some in our current time (it was written in 1988).
The general arc is that men need to be called into their masculine self by father figures and not stay in the shadow of their mothers, and learn to embrace that masculine energy instead of fearing it.
The general arc is that men need to be called into their masculine self by father figures and not stay in the shadow of their mothers, and learn to embrace that masculine energy instead of fearing it.
October 6, 2019
This book was first published in 1988. I mention this because occasionally his thoughts seem a bit odd to my modern ears (er, eyes?). Nonetheless, it's a worthwhile book which should at least spur reflection. Even if one's ultimate conclusions are different, I imagine the book will encourage a man to take action for good. This is my primary take away.
Dalbey ultimately has one basic premise: that men aren't courageously using their strength for good. He roots the cause of this in fathers' failure to initiate boys / young men into masculinity. The remainder of the book explores this idea in a variety of different contexts. Dalbey explores a man's relationship with his father, wife, sons, and daughters as well as his relationship with God, church, and sexual desire.
At times Dalbey got a bit mystical to me, speculating upon how a boy having been born of and nurtured by a woman (his mother) affects his relationships with men and women in the future. Also, it's worth noting that Dalbey devotes an entire chapter to his view that homosexuality comes from when a boy fails to properly bond with his father.
Overall, the book encourages men to be courageous to use their strength for good rather than being either passive or destructive, an idea I find inspiring.
Dalbey ultimately has one basic premise: that men aren't courageously using their strength for good. He roots the cause of this in fathers' failure to initiate boys / young men into masculinity. The remainder of the book explores this idea in a variety of different contexts. Dalbey explores a man's relationship with his father, wife, sons, and daughters as well as his relationship with God, church, and sexual desire.
At times Dalbey got a bit mystical to me, speculating upon how a boy having been born of and nurtured by a woman (his mother) affects his relationships with men and women in the future. Also, it's worth noting that Dalbey devotes an entire chapter to his view that homosexuality comes from when a boy fails to properly bond with his father.
Overall, the book encourages men to be courageous to use their strength for good rather than being either passive or destructive, an idea I find inspiring.
January 16, 2020
For someone with no faith in the supreme power above myself, this book still resonated. Plucking out the entire processes of healing, the pathways was the same and the 'meat' in the book was really helpful.
I would suggest this book to anyone going through ups and downs in life, it relates to the wounds someone might have faced when young.
May God absolve you from your sins.
Or may you figure out a way to heal yourself, if you're more rational.
I would suggest this book to anyone going through ups and downs in life, it relates to the wounds someone might have faced when young.
May God absolve you from your sins.
Or may you figure out a way to heal yourself, if you're more rational.
November 12, 2018
The author has a good understanding of the struggles that some men have.
The study section at the end of the book, suggests that it was written to be discussed in small groups. I still got something out of it reading on my own.
The study section at the end of the book, suggests that it was written to be discussed in small groups. I still got something out of it reading on my own.
December 6, 2023
When this book gets it right, it is so good but it is incomplete because it is not Catholic and without the fullness of the truth and the sacraments healing won't be complete. I am interested to see how this compares to Be Healed.
June 14, 2024
Insightful
A very insightful look into the masculine. You'll insult and the heart of the male and how it needs healing and how we have strayed as men from the truth very well, written and very well.
Presented.
A very insightful look into the masculine. You'll insult and the heart of the male and how it needs healing and how we have strayed as men from the truth very well, written and very well.
Presented.
November 14, 2018
Excellent book which helped me to gain a better understanding on the wounds of men & how God’s perfect plan to heal them, helps them reconnect with the Father’s heart!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 4, 2019
Dalbey tackles difficult topics that men often overlook and guides readers to discover their only source restoration can come from God.
December 1, 2019
All of us are Ina different place and have had different experiences, I think that despite of that everyone, men and women should read this book.
May 27, 2022
Sensitive exploration of the masculine soul through personal reflections and powerful sharing of his own journey through manhood.
February 19, 2023
A must read for anyone that engages with youth or has kids. Such an interesting topic especially in todays world.
February 7, 2024
Excellent read, great content, and prophetically predicted our culture!
May 4, 2025
Some good nuggets in there, but overall a little outdated.
September 7, 2025
To be frank, found this a bit of a lazy Christian-based read with a few well thought out ideas here and there in the text.
December 15, 2025
I liked the book a lot. Did not always agree with the theology or counseling methods, but still worth reading again because there is lots of truth given.
March 30, 2019
Healing the Masculine Soul is probably not a book most Men think they need and our society would likely prefer to banish based on it's title alone. However, the author handles the subject effectively with good explanation and anecdotes to build a better understanding of masculinity and the needs of men. The author is not advocating the promotion of masculinity at the expense of women or society but rather on it's ability to bring better balance and healthier environments when appropriately taught and supported. This book is a must read for any independent and objective seeker of truth regarding the role of masculinity in the individual's life and his community.
January 19, 2022
Even though I’m a lady, I can’t help but be curious about how men think. Even though this book doesn’t relate to me, I couldn’t help, but be happy about hearing about the men in this book who found father type figures in their life. The world needs more examples, and it’s never to late to find those, even if it’s later in life. This book got me thinking about the men in my life, and why they may act the way they do.
March 1, 2008
For me, this book was definitely a "stage in life" book. I'm not sure I would have really found it insightful any time before now.
As I've been pressed to understand myself as a man, this book provided insight, challenged the way I viewed myself, and gave me different perspectives. While I can't say I agreed with everything he said overall i was very blessed as he opened up a world where masculinity was a godly characteristic.
The tension in the book, where we both need to be affirmed by our dad, but in the end we need to find ultimate affirmation in our Father in heaven is one I am still wrestling with.
As I've been pressed to understand myself as a man, this book provided insight, challenged the way I viewed myself, and gave me different perspectives. While I can't say I agreed with everything he said overall i was very blessed as he opened up a world where masculinity was a godly characteristic.
The tension in the book, where we both need to be affirmed by our dad, but in the end we need to find ultimate affirmation in our Father in heaven is one I am still wrestling with.
February 3, 2024
I felt the book was maybe half platitudes or basic ideas that, while true, I didn't find interesting or worthwhile. For instance, many times when discussing an issue or an internal challenge the author says something to the effect of "well we need to take that to the Lord". While true, everyone reading this book likely knows that and it doesn't need to be repeated many times.
On the other hand, there are parts of the book where the author's thoughts, ideas, and examples are very thought provoking and resonated with me. This book is definitely a great conversation starter with many tidbits worth chewing on with Jesus and other brothers. I know I will be.
On the other hand, there are parts of the book where the author's thoughts, ideas, and examples are very thought provoking and resonated with me. This book is definitely a great conversation starter with many tidbits worth chewing on with Jesus and other brothers. I know I will be.
July 21, 2012
If there is ever a book every man, father and son were to read, it is this book. Gordon Dalbey address the subject in a manner that brings us back into time to reflect on how men are designed, their purpose, how they transition from boyhood into manhood, and what we are missing today which leads our men into a path of disillusionment. I will have to read this one again and share with other men. "An ancient Mama's boy is called out: Wrestling with the Father for New Life." Our men need to be called out from their place of "safety" to wrestle. I call out all our men to read this book.
June 25, 2012
Book Club choice for year 5.
Good Choice.
The book takes the reader through different phases that men deal with. Being Sons, Fathers, lovers, husbands etc. The book is a valuable resource, and I recommend that as you read you discuss what you are feeling with others.
Many challenges I was having at the time were discussed in the book. Very rewarding read.
Good Choice.
The book takes the reader through different phases that men deal with. Being Sons, Fathers, lovers, husbands etc. The book is a valuable resource, and I recommend that as you read you discuss what you are feeling with others.
Many challenges I was having at the time were discussed in the book. Very rewarding read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews