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Supernatural Suburbia #3
Fangs for the Mammaries
The Follow-Up to Witch Way to the Mall and Strip Mauled from the Creator of the Chicks in Chainmail Series. Here Come the Vampires to Put the Bite on Suburbia.
Having inflicted the smug homes of suburbia with witches and werewolves. Esther Friesner now unleashes the undead to tap a vein of blood and humor, and drain the suburbs dry of both.
Vampires and the suburbs are a match made in heaven, or maybe Levittown. Remember Dracula? He didn’t run into any real problems until he took his act on the road and traveled to the BigCity. But in the suburbs, everyone is polite and respectful of their neighbors’ right to privacy. And if your neighbors happen to have kids selling gift-wrap, magazine subscriptions, cookies, or other school fundraising ploys, and little Emily or Jason happen to come peddling their wares after sundown . . . Who says you have to stay in the city if you want good take-out meals delivered right to your door? There’s no one quite like a vampire for saying, “All of you kids get off of my lawn!” and putting some teeth into it.
The stories in these pages—by Sarah A. Hoyt, K.D. Wentworth, Dave Freer and more, including Esther Friesner herself—will convince the reader that vampires and suburbs go together like wine and cheese, gin and tonic, desperation and housewives, marriage and pre-nups. Enter freely and of your own will . . .
Having inflicted the smug homes of suburbia with witches and werewolves. Esther Friesner now unleashes the undead to tap a vein of blood and humor, and drain the suburbs dry of both.
Vampires and the suburbs are a match made in heaven, or maybe Levittown. Remember Dracula? He didn’t run into any real problems until he took his act on the road and traveled to the BigCity. But in the suburbs, everyone is polite and respectful of their neighbors’ right to privacy. And if your neighbors happen to have kids selling gift-wrap, magazine subscriptions, cookies, or other school fundraising ploys, and little Emily or Jason happen to come peddling their wares after sundown . . . Who says you have to stay in the city if you want good take-out meals delivered right to your door? There’s no one quite like a vampire for saying, “All of you kids get off of my lawn!” and putting some teeth into it.
The stories in these pages—by Sarah A. Hoyt, K.D. Wentworth, Dave Freer and more, including Esther Friesner herself—will convince the reader that vampires and suburbs go together like wine and cheese, gin and tonic, desperation and housewives, marriage and pre-nups. Enter freely and of your own will . . .
432 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published September 28, 2010
10 people are currently reading
286 people want to read
About the author
Esther M. Friesner
264 books711 followersEsther M. Friesner was educated at Vassar College, where she completed B.A's in both Spanish and Drama. She went to on to Yale University; within five years she was awarded an M.A. and Ph.D. in Spanish. She taught Spanish at Yale for a number of years before going on to become a full-time author of fantasy and science fiction. She has published twenty-seven novels so far; her most recent titles include Temping Fate from Penguin-Puffin and Nobody's Princess from Random House.
Her short fiction and poetry have appeared in Asimov's, Fantasy & Science Fiction, Aboriginal SF, Pulphouse Magazine, Amazing, and Fantasy Book, as well as in numerous anthologies. Her story, "Love's Eldritch Ichor," was featured in the 1990 World Fantasy Convention book.
Her first stint as an anthology editor was Alien Pregnant By Elvis, a collection of truly gonzo original tabloid SF for DAW books. Wisely, she undertook this project with the able collaboration of Martin H. Greenberg. Not having learned their lesson, they have also co-edited the Chicks In Chainmail Amazon comedy anthology series for Baen Books, as well as Blood Muse, an anthology of vampire stories for Donald I Fine, Inc.
"Ask Auntie Esther" was her regular etiquette and advice column to the SFlorn in Pulphouse Magazine. Being paid for telling other people how to run their lives sounds like a pretty good deal to her.
Ms. Friesner won the Nebula Award for Best Short Story of 1995 for her work, "Death and the Librarian," and the Nebula for Best Short Story of 1996 for "A Birth Day." (A Birth Day" was also a 1996 Hugo Award finalist.) Her novelette, "Jesus at the Bat" was on the final Nebula ballot in the same year that "Death and the Librarian" won the award. In addition, she has won the Romantic Times award for Best New Fantasy Writer in 1986 and the Skylark Award in 1994. Her short story, "All Vows," took second place in the Asimov's SF Magazine Readers' Poll for 1993 and was a finalist for the Nebula in 1994. Her Star Trek: Deep Space Nine novel, Warchild, made the USA TODAY bestseller list.
She lives in Connecticut with her husband, two children, two rambunctious cats, and a fluctuating population of hamsters.
Her short fiction and poetry have appeared in Asimov's, Fantasy & Science Fiction, Aboriginal SF, Pulphouse Magazine, Amazing, and Fantasy Book, as well as in numerous anthologies. Her story, "Love's Eldritch Ichor," was featured in the 1990 World Fantasy Convention book.
Her first stint as an anthology editor was Alien Pregnant By Elvis, a collection of truly gonzo original tabloid SF for DAW books. Wisely, she undertook this project with the able collaboration of Martin H. Greenberg. Not having learned their lesson, they have also co-edited the Chicks In Chainmail Amazon comedy anthology series for Baen Books, as well as Blood Muse, an anthology of vampire stories for Donald I Fine, Inc.
"Ask Auntie Esther" was her regular etiquette and advice column to the SFlorn in Pulphouse Magazine. Being paid for telling other people how to run their lives sounds like a pretty good deal to her.
Ms. Friesner won the Nebula Award for Best Short Story of 1995 for her work, "Death and the Librarian," and the Nebula for Best Short Story of 1996 for "A Birth Day." (A Birth Day" was also a 1996 Hugo Award finalist.) Her novelette, "Jesus at the Bat" was on the final Nebula ballot in the same year that "Death and the Librarian" won the award. In addition, she has won the Romantic Times award for Best New Fantasy Writer in 1986 and the Skylark Award in 1994. Her short story, "All Vows," took second place in the Asimov's SF Magazine Readers' Poll for 1993 and was a finalist for the Nebula in 1994. Her Star Trek: Deep Space Nine novel, Warchild, made the USA TODAY bestseller list.
She lives in Connecticut with her husband, two children, two rambunctious cats, and a fluctuating population of hamsters.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
November 9, 2010
Goodreads needs "quit reading" selection. Need I say more?
July 27, 2019
The best thing about this anthology, in my opinion, was the fact that none of the authors had taken themselves too seriously. As a result, we didn’t get many overwritten pieces. There were a few tedious and needlessly lengthy stories. But there were several laugh-out-loud moments offered by the following three works:
1. Esther Friesner's 'Introduction' was brilliant. Tragically, her story 'Long in the Tooth' was rather weak and pedantic.
2. David Freer's 'If Music Be the Food Of Love...' was simply awesome. I simply MUST read more of his works.
3. Hildy Silverman's 'Sappy Meals', despite its American suburb setting, was incredibly British in its dry (bloodless?) humour. Loved it totally.
Apart from these three, there were several readable works, full of alcohol, hormone, sex or suggestions thereof. I went through them deriving small pleasures. But the above-mentioned three would remain a genuine delight.
1. Esther Friesner's 'Introduction' was brilliant. Tragically, her story 'Long in the Tooth' was rather weak and pedantic.
2. David Freer's 'If Music Be the Food Of Love...' was simply awesome. I simply MUST read more of his works.
3. Hildy Silverman's 'Sappy Meals', despite its American suburb setting, was incredibly British in its dry (bloodless?) humour. Loved it totally.
Apart from these three, there were several readable works, full of alcohol, hormone, sex or suggestions thereof. I went through them deriving small pleasures. But the above-mentioned three would remain a genuine delight.
September 28, 2022
This was a very very interesting read... I didn't thing I was reading this short story collection but when I was folding some laundry on my basement, I had a couple of minutes and in that place I Have around 1000 books that I put in my category of regrets. basically books I bought but I don't think I am going to read them since my time on earth is limited... isn't it?
BUT then I started reading and I enjoyed a lot. There are some bad stories no doubt BUT some were pretty good that make me wonder If I should buy more books from some of these authors.. so lets start..
So first of all, what this series is about? It's about vampires living among us and how would that happen. It has nothing to do with Boobs which I hoped since there was some interesting cover but alas, no books no sex nothing.
Overbite is the first tale that interest me right from the start. In a hidden vampire society how can a human live among them? Well read to know...
Soccer Mom Smackdown - stay at home vampire female vs vampire hunter female - so comic, so good I even laugh.
Matter of Blood - cool vampire romance story
Sarah Bailey and the TExas Beauty Queen - what an interesting story about vampires, but instead of blood- emotions!
Family matters - a vampire meets a vampire hunter guy of a secret society - can love blossom?
Sappy Meals - a vampire kils a human and then the head-leader of the vampires is taken to court... how do you plea?
stick or treat - yes, since they are vampires the only trick would be a.. stick? how vampires costume? imagine, you costume of monsters, so monsters costume of... humans? the story is more than that but it's cool
Food Quart - is an interesting take on vampires.. this tale is set on a night security guard that is a vampire. She kills a guy who is destroying something and she is discovered... so their top management is discussing what to do.. and true be told nobody wants to deal with this marginals so... win win?
Vampless - what a cool story about the acceptance of vampires. Damn.
OVerall I Was very happy with the anthology although there were some stories I didn't care. That's why I gave 4 stars (8 stars) on goodreads.
ADvisable if you want some interesting vampire comedy stories
BUT then I started reading and I enjoyed a lot. There are some bad stories no doubt BUT some were pretty good that make me wonder If I should buy more books from some of these authors.. so lets start..
So first of all, what this series is about? It's about vampires living among us and how would that happen. It has nothing to do with Boobs which I hoped since there was some interesting cover but alas, no books no sex nothing.
Overbite is the first tale that interest me right from the start. In a hidden vampire society how can a human live among them? Well read to know...
Soccer Mom Smackdown - stay at home vampire female vs vampire hunter female - so comic, so good I even laugh.
Matter of Blood - cool vampire romance story
Sarah Bailey and the TExas Beauty Queen - what an interesting story about vampires, but instead of blood- emotions!
Family matters - a vampire meets a vampire hunter guy of a secret society - can love blossom?
Sappy Meals - a vampire kils a human and then the head-leader of the vampires is taken to court... how do you plea?
stick or treat - yes, since they are vampires the only trick would be a.. stick? how vampires costume? imagine, you costume of monsters, so monsters costume of... humans? the story is more than that but it's cool
Food Quart - is an interesting take on vampires.. this tale is set on a night security guard that is a vampire. She kills a guy who is destroying something and she is discovered... so their top management is discussing what to do.. and true be told nobody wants to deal with this marginals so... win win?
Vampless - what a cool story about the acceptance of vampires. Damn.
OVerall I Was very happy with the anthology although there were some stories I didn't care. That's why I gave 4 stars (8 stars) on goodreads.
ADvisable if you want some interesting vampire comedy stories
October 19, 2025
This could've been a lot better, but for a semi-cheesy anthology of vampire stories set in the suburbs, it's got a good amount of self-aware corniness. Several of the authors included have stories in the two earlier "Supernatural Suburbia" anthologies (which I did not read), and have stores in this one continuing characters from those volumes.
There was a decent mix of stories with vampires as protagonists, antagonists, and side characters, and a good mix of the usual vampire rules and whether there's any kind of secrecy to these vampires or if they're well-known in society. My favorite story was probably Sarah Zettel's "Vampless" which captured both that teenage voice and nailed the plotting. Hildy Silverman's "Sappy Meals" was quite amusing with its structure, and Lee Martindale's "Sarah Bailey and the Texas Beauty Queen" really captured that househunting vibe, haha.
One trope I saw a few times in this book was the "Hey, it's totally OK for me to be a vampire and kill people, I only kill the bad people." Turns out, I hate that kind of defense, especially if the human characters accept it, because that's not justice, there's no due process, and we're only taking the vampire's word that they're accurately finding people that deserve to die. (There's also one story that ended horrifyingly in its implications.)
There was a decent mix of stories with vampires as protagonists, antagonists, and side characters, and a good mix of the usual vampire rules and whether there's any kind of secrecy to these vampires or if they're well-known in society. My favorite story was probably Sarah Zettel's "Vampless" which captured both that teenage voice and nailed the plotting. Hildy Silverman's "Sappy Meals" was quite amusing with its structure, and Lee Martindale's "Sarah Bailey and the Texas Beauty Queen" really captured that househunting vibe, haha.
One trope I saw a few times in this book was the "Hey, it's totally OK for me to be a vampire and kill people, I only kill the bad people." Turns out, I hate that kind of defense, especially if the human characters accept it, because that's not justice, there's no due process, and we're only taking the vampire's word that they're accurately finding people that deserve to die. (There's also one story that ended horrifyingly in its implications.)
January 7, 2016
Introduction by Esther M. Friesner 08/22/13 - just a cute little introduction and a kudos to the winner of the book naming contest (Ellen Kaye-Cheveldayoff)
Overbite by Jody Lynn Nye 08/22/13 - what if you were an orthodontist that worked on vampires?? and you had an all too human son??
"If Music Be the Food of Love..." by David Freer 08/23/13 - Apparently the VanHelsings have made up with the evilness that is the vampire.
Soccer Mom Smack Down by Julia S. Mandala fun story.
Tecate for Hecate by Kevin Andrew Murphy one of my least favorites thus far, just...eh.
Miss White-Hand's Class Goes Shopping by K.D. Wentworth This was a fun story...I have often wondered what might happen if one of the "Special Schools" ventured into public
A Matter of Blood by Sarah A. Hoyt A fun story. I like Ken and Agnes...may even seek out the other anthologies to read more
Sarah Bailey and the Texas Beauty Queen by Lee Martindale - meh. Not my favorite story
Family Matters by David D. Levine - I can't remember this one, and didn't take notes on it.
Sappy Meals by Hildy Silverman - this was a court room drama, with only one "speaker" - I wasn't impressed
Fruit of the Vein by Lucienne Diver - another tale that was just meh, a vampire is still pining over an old beau, who shows up at a party she is at.
Stick or Treat by Daniel M. Hoyt - cute. There is a neighborhood of vampires, and one mortal family. The vampire kids dress up as hunters (Van Helsing, Buffy) for Halloween
Food Quart by Selina Rosen - the mall security officer is a vampire, who is cleaning up the mall. I liked this one.
Dazed and Confused by Susan Sizemore - tale of a vampire who is blackmailed by the local vampire hater, to get what he wants.
Trampire by Robin Wayne Bailey - blues guitarist falls for vampire porn queen
Vampless by Sarah Zettel - another cute one. Teenage girls aren't ANYONE unless they have a vamp.
The Goth Girl Next Door by Linda L. Donahue - okay story. Monsters live on the block, and then a not so ex-hunter moves in.
Long in the Tooth by Esther M. Friesner - cute. Don't dis a vampire, especially an older lady vampire.
Bella and the Flying Lugosi by Laura J. Underwood - a hunter takes out a circus family. Not that good a story.
Bait and Switch by Steven Piziks - GOOD! best of the bunch as far as I am concerned. I would like to read more about Wanda Silver.
Overbite by Jody Lynn Nye 08/22/13 - what if you were an orthodontist that worked on vampires?? and you had an all too human son??
"If Music Be the Food of Love..." by David Freer 08/23/13 - Apparently the VanHelsings have made up with the evilness that is the vampire.
Soccer Mom Smack Down by Julia S. Mandala fun story.
Tecate for Hecate by Kevin Andrew Murphy one of my least favorites thus far, just...eh.
Miss White-Hand's Class Goes Shopping by K.D. Wentworth This was a fun story...I have often wondered what might happen if one of the "Special Schools" ventured into public
A Matter of Blood by Sarah A. Hoyt A fun story. I like Ken and Agnes...may even seek out the other anthologies to read more
Sarah Bailey and the Texas Beauty Queen by Lee Martindale - meh. Not my favorite story
Family Matters by David D. Levine - I can't remember this one, and didn't take notes on it.
Sappy Meals by Hildy Silverman - this was a court room drama, with only one "speaker" - I wasn't impressed
Fruit of the Vein by Lucienne Diver - another tale that was just meh, a vampire is still pining over an old beau, who shows up at a party she is at.
Stick or Treat by Daniel M. Hoyt - cute. There is a neighborhood of vampires, and one mortal family. The vampire kids dress up as hunters (Van Helsing, Buffy) for Halloween
Food Quart by Selina Rosen - the mall security officer is a vampire, who is cleaning up the mall. I liked this one.
Dazed and Confused by Susan Sizemore - tale of a vampire who is blackmailed by the local vampire hater, to get what he wants.
Trampire by Robin Wayne Bailey - blues guitarist falls for vampire porn queen
Vampless by Sarah Zettel - another cute one. Teenage girls aren't ANYONE unless they have a vamp.
The Goth Girl Next Door by Linda L. Donahue - okay story. Monsters live on the block, and then a not so ex-hunter moves in.
Long in the Tooth by Esther M. Friesner - cute. Don't dis a vampire, especially an older lady vampire.
Bella and the Flying Lugosi by Laura J. Underwood - a hunter takes out a circus family. Not that good a story.
Bait and Switch by Steven Piziks - GOOD! best of the bunch as far as I am concerned. I would like to read more about Wanda Silver.
December 25, 2011
A collection of 19 short stories. All are in the vein of light, humorous vampire stories(sorry - I promise that is the last vampire pun).Thankfully most of the stories skip the obvious vampire puns, jokes and bad cliche vampire speaking(I vant to suhk your bluhd).I did have trouble with the interaction between humans and vampires.I just could not see how the situation would work.Others made me wish that the stories were a series with other stories or even novels.The really nice thing some of the stories are part of a series.
While the title or premise might not be everyone's cup of tea,I feel it is a case of not judging a book by its cover.(Personally the humor of the title, great Clyde Caldwell artwork and entire premise made me hunt the book out.)The stories are humorous and well-written.Just proving that just because a story is light, it doesn't mean it can't have a bite to it.(OK this was really the last pun).
This collection is well worth the read. It should appeal to any vampire fan, even if they don't normally take humor with their bloodletting.
While the title or premise might not be everyone's cup of tea,I feel it is a case of not judging a book by its cover.(Personally the humor of the title, great Clyde Caldwell artwork and entire premise made me hunt the book out.)The stories are humorous and well-written.Just proving that just because a story is light, it doesn't mean it can't have a bite to it.(OK this was really the last pun).
This collection is well worth the read. It should appeal to any vampire fan, even if they don't normally take humor with their bloodletting.
March 29, 2011
I've been taught, as most people no doubt have, to "Never judge a book by its cover". So even though I cringed a little at the title and cover art of this short story collection, I picked it up because I really liked the first book in the series ("Witch Way To The Mall") and liked the idea (stories featuring Vampires in suburbia).
Unfortunately, the contents of the book failed to exceed the low expectations that the cover/art gave me. There were two or three stories I liked throughout, but for the most part the authors failed to do anything interesting or innovative with the concept. And each of them might have even been okay if you were reading one vampire in suburbia short story, but putting them all together made the entire endeavour feel bland and uninspiring.
Unfortunately, the contents of the book failed to exceed the low expectations that the cover/art gave me. There were two or three stories I liked throughout, but for the most part the authors failed to do anything interesting or innovative with the concept. And each of them might have even been okay if you were reading one vampire in suburbia short story, but putting them all together made the entire endeavour feel bland and uninspiring.
May 17, 2016
I may just have to buy the two previous books in this set of anthologies. I won't say the quality of the stories is uneven, but some I liked much more than others, and that is just my taste. Puns and humor abound--like the other Friesner anthologies, a sense of the absurd is a prerequisite. I hope she comes out with some more books. I'm running out of titles!
November 7, 2010
Vampire stories are losing their appeal to me, or these stories are for 8 year old's.
December 30, 2010
Previous book series Chicks also edited by Esther Friesner was a hoot! This one? Not so much.
August 15, 2012
Another great collection edited by Esther Friesner. If you like vampires or humor or any of Ms. Friesner's other anthologies, read this one!
December 20, 2014
Short stories, suburban vampires, bad puns. What's not to like?
March 16, 2015
Hilarious! Not a bad story in the bunch.
August 7, 2018
Mehmorable
After reading Witch Way to the Mall (I gave that a 5* rating) I was a bit disappointed in this follow up collection. Most of the stories are so so with a perfunctory and somewhat predictable examination of some aspect of how vampire magic fits in with the real world. I realize each of the stories were developed by different authors, but after the nth time it gets dull hearing about the wonders of SPF 2000 sunscreen as a plot device.
A few stories that I'd rate as really really good: "Soccer Mom Smackdown" by Julie Mandala really hit home with this suburban parent, along with a lovely cinematic reference ending. I also enjoyed Dave Freer's "If Music Be The Food of Love" - a pretty good next generation yarn about Dracula and the Van Helsings coming to terms with their children's relationship. "Sarah "Baily and the Texas Beauty Queen" looked at vampires who live off of emotional frustration - quite a reasonable explanation. I'd rate it as OK. I enjoyed editor Friesner's own "Long in the Tooth". It's a fireside comfort tale with had a nice New England feel to it. And Robin Wayne Bailey's "Trampire" was lyrical and lightly erotic - it reminded me of the sort of thing that Spider Robinson might pull off at Callahan's.
On the downside, stories like "Tecate for Hectate", "Vampless" and to a lesser extent "Family Matters" meandered and fell flat as did "Stick or Treat" and Overbite with their take on outsiders fitting in. "Bella and the Flying Lugosis" was too pyrotechnical at the end and it lacked drama because you knew the protagonist had the upper hand. Of the hard boiled detective sagas, "Bait and Switch" had more promise than "Fruit of the Vein" but I found the former pat, and while the latter brought in supernatural entities other than just vampires which made it more interesting but the main characters came across as detached and not that necessary.
Overall a mixed assessment. The clever titles had more promise than was delivered. Not bad for a collection but I've seen better.
After reading Witch Way to the Mall (I gave that a 5* rating) I was a bit disappointed in this follow up collection. Most of the stories are so so with a perfunctory and somewhat predictable examination of some aspect of how vampire magic fits in with the real world. I realize each of the stories were developed by different authors, but after the nth time it gets dull hearing about the wonders of SPF 2000 sunscreen as a plot device.
A few stories that I'd rate as really really good: "Soccer Mom Smackdown" by Julie Mandala really hit home with this suburban parent, along with a lovely cinematic reference ending. I also enjoyed Dave Freer's "If Music Be The Food of Love" - a pretty good next generation yarn about Dracula and the Van Helsings coming to terms with their children's relationship. "Sarah "Baily and the Texas Beauty Queen" looked at vampires who live off of emotional frustration - quite a reasonable explanation. I'd rate it as OK. I enjoyed editor Friesner's own "Long in the Tooth". It's a fireside comfort tale with had a nice New England feel to it. And Robin Wayne Bailey's "Trampire" was lyrical and lightly erotic - it reminded me of the sort of thing that Spider Robinson might pull off at Callahan's.
On the downside, stories like "Tecate for Hectate", "Vampless" and to a lesser extent "Family Matters" meandered and fell flat as did "Stick or Treat" and Overbite with their take on outsiders fitting in. "Bella and the Flying Lugosis" was too pyrotechnical at the end and it lacked drama because you knew the protagonist had the upper hand. Of the hard boiled detective sagas, "Bait and Switch" had more promise than "Fruit of the Vein" but I found the former pat, and while the latter brought in supernatural entities other than just vampires which made it more interesting but the main characters came across as detached and not that necessary.
Overall a mixed assessment. The clever titles had more promise than was delivered. Not bad for a collection but I've seen better.
May 25, 2020
Overall rather dull with only two or three quite entertaining stories.
October 7, 2016
As in most anthologies some stories will appeal to you better than others, but this one has no duds.
January 14, 2024
Vampires in the suburbs, cute and entertaining.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews