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Marville Volume 1 TPB
Marvel's President Bill Jemas takes aim at comics' most controversial personalities personalities along with both real and fictional characters. Marville introduces a new teen character to the Marvel Universe and follows him on his epic journey through time. From comic books to the creation of the universe itself, nothing is safe from the stinging wit and wisdom of Marville. Collecting Marville #1-6, written by Bill Jemas (Ultimate Spider-Man) and illustrated by Mark Bright (Black Panther).
144 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2003
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
May 29, 2021
Honestly, going by just the first couple issues, I didn't know why this comic was regarded as the worst ever made. I mean, it was never great, but it was going somewhere and even gave me a couple cheap laughs, in the so-bad-it's-good guilty-pleasure way.
But then from issue three on it shifted focus to this weird tract about evolution and religion and all that shit. Which still wouldn't be that bad, if A) it didn't come right out of nowhere, abandoning a perfectly good premise for it, and B) it didn't get most of it wrong anyway.
In the end, I understood. It's bad. It's not even all that entertaining, I don't think, something to read through while drunk or high. Just kind of boring and incomprehensible. No need to bother.
But then from issue three on it shifted focus to this weird tract about evolution and religion and all that shit. Which still wouldn't be that bad, if A) it didn't come right out of nowhere, abandoning a perfectly good premise for it, and B) it didn't get most of it wrong anyway.
In the end, I understood. It's bad. It's not even all that entertaining, I don't think, something to read through while drunk or high. Just kind of boring and incomprehensible. No need to bother.
January 9, 2021
Honestly one of the worst comics I've ever read. A vanity project by the Editor in Chief of Marvel that laughably went off the rails into incoherency. It's extremely dated less than 15 years later with AOL jokes and cameos by Alan Greenspan, Spike Lee and Rush Limbaugh.
It's almost like a mainstream comic attempted to do Cerebus--with a few interesting comments on vigilantism, before dovetailing into a narrative about Creationism. Yeesh. It also inferred that Wolverine is the first human.
This comic is Chuck Austen bad, Tarot bad, Trouble Bad, Loeb/Liefled/etc at their worst bad.
It's ironic though, that Jemas' tenure DID have some of the most interesting and experimental comics of the naughties.
It's almost like a mainstream comic attempted to do Cerebus--with a few interesting comments on vigilantism, before dovetailing into a narrative about Creationism. Yeesh. It also inferred that Wolverine is the first human.
This comic is Chuck Austen bad, Tarot bad, Trouble Bad, Loeb/Liefled/etc at their worst bad.
It's ironic though, that Jemas' tenure DID have some of the most interesting and experimental comics of the naughties.
May 27, 2018
Fuck I think I need the therapist after reading this.. I also think I got leprosy, I shouldn't even touch it. Or I'm possessed by devil right now. I am not sure what it is but I know my life completely changed and reading this was even worse decision than collecting UKK. Lobotomy needed.
November 24, 2020
I just read Marville today and boy oh boy. Here's a quick detail about me as a person: I love 5 star rating systems. I think they're great, they let you use the whole scale easily, and I personally would rank everything on them if given the chance. That's one thing I really like about Goodreads, but boy is the limitation of not being able to rank anything lower than a one really discouraging at a time like this.
This is really something special, and I mean that in the worst ways possible. Marville accomplishes an incredible feat of not only being a very bad comic, but it manages to be bad in two completely different genres over its scant 6 issues. Most bad things I've read find a way to be bad in only just one. Like Sam Wilson: Captain America is a series that does fine enough at action, but is awful in terms of politics. Even notoriously awful comics like Trouble manages to be bad in terms of being a teen romance story, or just one genre. Granted, that's the only genre it's going for, but it does it VERY poorly.
Marville's first two issues are a parody of DC comics-flavored origins stories, and comics in general. It's not funny in the slightest, but boy is it really trying to be. The inclusion of numerous real life people like Ted Turner, and Alan Greenspan make it obvious this was written by an executive who hangs around with other executives and communicates about incredibly unrelatable subjects. It utterly fails as a comedy or parody piece entirely and I can't un-recommend this enough for that.
But for issues 3-6... the story takes a decidedly different turn. At the end of Issue 2 a time machine is introduced to the story, if it can really be called that. Naturally, our hero Kal-AOL (GET IT LMAO) decides he wants to see the birth of creation. So he goes back in time billions of years and...
I just can't. This is too stupid. I can't believe this is real. He meets up with God. Who takes the form of a black man in a suit that chooses to go by the name Jack. So Kal-AOL and his group decide to spend the remaining four issues... learning about origins of species on Earth. There's discussions about religion, whether or not God is real, what the very first organic life on Earth was like, and I swear to everything that is holy that this reads like a lecture given to middle schoolers in a biology class. The first 2 issues are utter failures at being parody of comics, and the last four are utter failures at being an edutainment series.
And it just doesn't stop. The entirety of these last four issues delve into the origin of all life on Earth, early man, religion, and it's all just so BORING. None of the characters are ever involved in any of it. They're little more than passive observers so it really truly does feel like nothing more than a lecture. Told by the world's most boring person, droning on and on about how evolution created the life as we know it, and how early man survived and thrived thanks to their sense of community.
It's just awful. in the span of 6 issues Marville goes for two wildly different tones. Comedic parody, and biology education. It completely fails at both of these, being unfunny for the first, and too boring, or passive for the second. Nothing about this comic works, and this is easily the worst thing I've read this year.
That's right. I'm officially dethroning Mark Millar's "The Unfunnies" as the previous worst thing I've ever read. Marville knocks it out of the park in terms of not only being bad, but incredibly boring. One of my favorite bad aspects of this is that the incredibly sexualized covers don't stop. After issue 3 all attempts at being a raunchy comedy end entirely but issues 3-6 still have incredibly lewd covers that in no way represent what you're getting.
Naturally, such a bad series that originated as a vanity project concludes on a note that's incredibly full of itself. Treating itself as if it's the greatest thing that has ever come about, but something that would never be published because it would never sale. Nevermind that this is written by the president of the entire company, who can forego rules about what would work on news stands.
All of this being said, there is some slight value to this. I've long maintained that keeping your reading sensibilities sharp by occasionally reading some garbage is good for you, as otherwise you can get too picky. If you're looking for something atrocious to read then Marville gets my full recommendation. I'll also recommend it if you're looking for something to make fun of, as Issues 1 and 2 are so wildly unfunny there's enough content there for everyone.
Basically if you're a Youtuber and want a comic to roast then Marville issues 1 and 2 are sitting there waiting for you.
It's a 0/5 in spirit, but a 1/5 thanks to website limitations.
This is really something special, and I mean that in the worst ways possible. Marville accomplishes an incredible feat of not only being a very bad comic, but it manages to be bad in two completely different genres over its scant 6 issues. Most bad things I've read find a way to be bad in only just one. Like Sam Wilson: Captain America is a series that does fine enough at action, but is awful in terms of politics. Even notoriously awful comics like Trouble manages to be bad in terms of being a teen romance story, or just one genre. Granted, that's the only genre it's going for, but it does it VERY poorly.
Marville's first two issues are a parody of DC comics-flavored origins stories, and comics in general. It's not funny in the slightest, but boy is it really trying to be. The inclusion of numerous real life people like Ted Turner, and Alan Greenspan make it obvious this was written by an executive who hangs around with other executives and communicates about incredibly unrelatable subjects. It utterly fails as a comedy or parody piece entirely and I can't un-recommend this enough for that.
But for issues 3-6... the story takes a decidedly different turn. At the end of Issue 2 a time machine is introduced to the story, if it can really be called that. Naturally, our hero Kal-AOL (GET IT LMAO) decides he wants to see the birth of creation. So he goes back in time billions of years and...
I just can't. This is too stupid. I can't believe this is real. He meets up with God. Who takes the form of a black man in a suit that chooses to go by the name Jack. So Kal-AOL and his group decide to spend the remaining four issues... learning about origins of species on Earth. There's discussions about religion, whether or not God is real, what the very first organic life on Earth was like, and I swear to everything that is holy that this reads like a lecture given to middle schoolers in a biology class. The first 2 issues are utter failures at being parody of comics, and the last four are utter failures at being an edutainment series.
And it just doesn't stop. The entirety of these last four issues delve into the origin of all life on Earth, early man, religion, and it's all just so BORING. None of the characters are ever involved in any of it. They're little more than passive observers so it really truly does feel like nothing more than a lecture. Told by the world's most boring person, droning on and on about how evolution created the life as we know it, and how early man survived and thrived thanks to their sense of community.
It's just awful. in the span of 6 issues Marville goes for two wildly different tones. Comedic parody, and biology education. It completely fails at both of these, being unfunny for the first, and too boring, or passive for the second. Nothing about this comic works, and this is easily the worst thing I've read this year.
That's right. I'm officially dethroning Mark Millar's "The Unfunnies" as the previous worst thing I've ever read. Marville knocks it out of the park in terms of not only being bad, but incredibly boring. One of my favorite bad aspects of this is that the incredibly sexualized covers don't stop. After issue 3 all attempts at being a raunchy comedy end entirely but issues 3-6 still have incredibly lewd covers that in no way represent what you're getting.
Naturally, such a bad series that originated as a vanity project concludes on a note that's incredibly full of itself. Treating itself as if it's the greatest thing that has ever come about, but something that would never be published because it would never sale. Nevermind that this is written by the president of the entire company, who can forego rules about what would work on news stands.
All of this being said, there is some slight value to this. I've long maintained that keeping your reading sensibilities sharp by occasionally reading some garbage is good for you, as otherwise you can get too picky. If you're looking for something atrocious to read then Marville gets my full recommendation. I'll also recommend it if you're looking for something to make fun of, as Issues 1 and 2 are so wildly unfunny there's enough content there for everyone.
Basically if you're a Youtuber and want a comic to roast then Marville issues 1 and 2 are sitting there waiting for you.
It's a 0/5 in spirit, but a 1/5 thanks to website limitations.
November 20, 2018
If this isn't the most cynical cash-grab in the history of comic books... oh wait, that's not Before Watchmen, sorry. This is just trash but fascinating trash. Kind of like walking past an art object in a gallery and thinking "Am I not getting it or is this just garbage?" except this is most definitely garbage.
February 18, 2023
This comic... is actually better than I remember... OF COURSE IT ISN'T! THIS COMIC SUCKS ASS! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU MARVEL! I THOUGHT YOU MAKE GOOD COMICS! NOT AWFUL SHIT TURDS!? I mean, is this really anyone's favorite comix??? As The Joker from The New Batman Adventures says, “If you have to explain a joke, THERE IS NO JOKE!!!”
When I first heard of this comic book I thought, OK, so another comic book series to try and get the sales up for Marvel. And after my friends were obsessing over how much they love Spider-Man and this limited comix run, I decided to "attempt to" read these comix from the first ish till the last, and let me explain that, after several pages, I cannot tell you how highly shocked and offended I was at seeing the confusing plot, wanton sexuality, and reviled promotional nature. I like to read comix every day and this is not even close to it. I don't think it should even be under graphic novels because it is so horrible, I tell you. Not even my cousins couldn't read it. At first they laughed, not at the jokes in the comix, but at how awful the series truly was. They couldn't get through the entire ish and eventually decided to read another comic book series. I've also been seeing people on Goodreads and other websites widely regarding this as the worst comix ever made and you know what? They're absolutely true. Even Comic Book Guy couldn't agree any further with me.
WORST. COMIX. EVER.
Marvel needs to look at this comic series and take it away. This thing...it's not really cool or funny. It's so fake and sad. It's so awful...
This was a series of stories that involved the fictional son of Ted Turner and Jane Fonda named Kal-AOL (whose generic name combines Kal-El, the Kryptonian name of Superman, and AOL, who at the time of publishing was a co-owner of DC Comics) going back in time to stop a meteor strike from destroying the world. While ish 6 was a recap of the first 5 ishes and ending with Kal-AOL being rejected from publishing Marville to an editor, ish 7, the last ish, was also a submission guide for the planned revival of the Epic imprint in order to encourage new comic writers to create their own ideas (Well, WHAT FAMOUS COMIC BOOK WRITER DOESN'T?!?!?!?!), but failed later on. It served as nothing more than a "vanity project" for it's writer and Marvel's Vice President, Bill Jemas, who created the "U-Decide" contest where fans would decide which one of three comic books would become a full series, which somehow ended up being Peter David's Captain Marvel; Ron Zimmerman's Ultimate Adventures set in the Marvel's Ultimate Universe was also part of the contest, but nobody cared about it.
Now that I'm done trashing the "exposition", I'll continue to the actual topic: the comic books. I suppose it is just typical of Marvel to pull another sadistic comic book like this off. While good on paper, this series was just full of inside jokes so surrealistic that they needed explanation pages, making it feeling like TOTAL RIP-OFF. It seemed as though the series was written and illustrated and assembled together in three weeks by ten-year-olds. The covers by Greg Horn are entirely misleading and have nothing in common with the story whatsoever. Mark Bright's artstyle, while looking nice and simple, is generic and wasted with poor consistencies like the creepy anatomy for the women and the "realistic" art style of ish 3, which also has the script is typed in the comic that is feels as blurry to look at and focuses on the meaning of life as opposed to Kal-AOL trying to stop a meteor strike from destroying the world. I didn't really like the idea of sarcastic comments on comic book industry conventions and trends, either. Hundreds of comic book writers who are intelligent enough to wait until they're OLDER to try and become famous do much, much, better.
The story was forgettable, yet bizarre revolving around Ted Turner and Jane Fonda, who are somehow still alive in the futuristic year of 5002, sending their fictional son Kal-AOL back in time to stop a meteor strike from destroying Earth. This is quickly forgotten about, with Kal deciding that he wants to stop the crimes and it's underworld led by the Kingpin (who is not what was expected in this comic, as you will see later), while knowing the meaning of life and the universe as seen by God. And of course, Ted and Jane are never seen again and are only in the first 2 ishes and ish 6. The pacing is atrocious which drags on the philosophical treaties and historical inaccuracies.
No character development exists at all, making it feel like an educational essay, and the characters are largely forgettable, such as Kal-AOL (the protagonist), Mickey, Lucy and the fictionalized versions of Ted Turner and Jane Fonda who are also extreme stereotypes in this comic. Even my parents has sense enough to know that Ted and Jane are extremely stereotypical and don't exist like this. And no, Kal-AOL and the girly girls don't exist either. What really sets them apart, though, is that superheroes use their special powers to save the world. And that's what they claim they are doing: saving the world. Not from archenemies that seem about as tame as a bunch of comic book supervillains, but a motherfucking meteor! In addition we get lots of forced celebrity cameos (including Tony Soprano and Samy Naceri) that always say that they are typecast. Without any real antagonists, the closest are the meteors about to hit Earth, a yahoo from the crowd witnessing Ted chopping the meteor, Batman, Iron Man, Black Panther, an unnamed bank robber with his followers, two unidentified jobless men, fifty Raptors, a village elder, a medicine man...
Oh, and Spike Lee as the Kingpin!? WTF!? How the hell can the amazing Spike Lee take place as the Kingpin? Whoever thinks this crap is real needs to GET REAL. I think you'll all need to take a look at the full cast and crew again so you can understand a whole lot more about this dumbass superhero.
Black Panther and Iron Man are now depicted as racist superheroes in the comic as they kill people.
Spider-Man and the Punisher served no purpose with the forgotten "Kingpin/Spike Lee" plot thread and the main story (yeah, goodbye, Spidey and Punisher; nice knowing you both to see you contributed little-to-nothing in this garbage).
They even featured Batman, who is owned by DC Comics in the second issue without permission with Marvel. Good god, look at his costume in this comic. That looks hilariously god-awful with those three bat-ears and that purple spandex of his suit; additionally, they also even have Superman, who is actually a possible future or superhero version of Kal-AOL, with a "J" shield replacing the "S".
There are lots of moments that don't make any sense like Batman and Iron Man tried to "bonk" the bank robber's head, and somehow goes into his stomach. Also, it seemingly looks like it's using Looney Tunes' cartoonish physics (it might be Hanna-Barbera's though, not sure), but you don't do that for a non-cartoonish comic. You're not supposed to do that at all. Also, there is this disgusting part when Lucy wants the bank robber to lick black ink from her fingers. MY GOD, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MARVEL COMIX THESE DAYS?!?!?! Wait a minute. This legitimately IS from Marvel, right? OMG I love both DC comix and Marvel comix and I'm not obsessed with this crap. Unlike my sis who reads manga. She thinks they're all real superheroes, but they're not, they're just frauds. These books are only trying to let you see what being a superhero from the future is (in a really immature way). They're all just jokes (that aren't really funny).
And also, I get, like, extremely irritated when one of these people say, "Marville is my legend, Marville saved my life." Dumb as HELL. I'm so goddamn sick of these comic book guys manipulating others into reading this comic book. Now I wouldn't have mind reading the books at first, but they and the others kept ruining them for me. They're exaggerating the whole goddamn series.
They're making the characters (including the aforementioned Marvel and DC superheroes) seem like they're real heroes or real legends, but they're not. And what are you to expect next, a flock of stupid-ass bitches worshipping them? Now I'll praise the lord in a quick succession... (AM I using that word right?)
And now, a word about their future. KalAOL is a superhero and a drunk, whose is getting high off that soda, and they're making it seem as if he were getting drunk and CRUNK! Lucy is a terrible policewoman, but to be honest, she has solved some crimes real clever (wait, no, I don't think so); but if she signs up for NCIS or CSI, the chief of police is gonna stick his foot up Lucy's crack of her rump. Jack is a fake, my dad told me that he wasn't dressed right or something, so he might end up like faker that fakes and he's gonna get busted sooner or later. As for this so-called Mickey, I don't know about her like that.
Some other things that irked me about this series in some of the issues:
1. "Bub" is not a funny name or word. I went around at school today and actually said it to thousands of people. You most certainly cannot always count on "bub" getting you a laugh or two, so just shut your mouth, Mr. Caveman, Wolverine, or whatever your name is.
2. If someone's teenage girlfriend thinks your fart jokes are funny, Mr. Rush Limbaugh, you shouldn't be proud of it, so STOP DOING IT!!!
3. No one expresses what they think is funny by saying "that's funny, that's funny" and barely letting out a chuckle to accompany it, Mickey.
4. Jack: Hey, Al, lemme tell you something.
Al: What's that?
Jack: If you clap your hands, you will kill thousands of spores that will form a nutritious fungus.
Thanks, Jack, for explaining the already bad joke to us, especially after making it perfectly obvious what you meant when you accented those special words in that previous sentence.
5. If you think something is laugh-out-loud hilarious, most people wouldn't express it by opening their mouth as wide as possible and having no expression on your face other than that (I'm referring to the scene where Batman and Iron Man tried to hit the bank robber's head into his stomach, I cannot tell which).
6. The scene where the criminal slips on Al's dog's drool puddle is not funny. Why even the adults were feigning hysterical laughter is beyond me.
This comic is also notable for insulting science, religion, comic creators, and readers alike while trying to give world peace a bad message. For instance, Jesus is depicted as the world's first superhero. Where have we seen this before? There are also inaccurate science that are rather bizarre and pseudo, such as Biological Clock is used for time traveling and doesn't work that way in the real world, and Wolverine as the first human born and mutated from an otter, but also is immortal not only due to the healing factor, it's a metaphor because people's genetic codes lives in all of them.
Other inaccuracies include Earth's first life, which was caused by spontaneous generation of certain molecules coming together, while it reveals thirty million years, it has more plant life, but are dying from the lack of carbon dioxide due to the high amount of oxygen in the air. Thus, there were no plants to produce oxygen to start of life on Earth.
The Carbon molecules inside the animals are just little critters eating up their parents and it's horrible for plants have to been eaten and it states molecules and microbes from a basic form of a plant needed to die out and should be sorry for them. Of course, they aren't sentient, not sapient and aren't even qualify as life and are only a component at best. It even states that microbes are nothing more than death, murder and cannibalism. Even Jack says that it's not about death, it's only life itself. Even so, most forms of life haven't evolved yet, since besides in Precambrian or Cambrian-era Earth. Or even Ordovician, there are several more eras to go through, over the course of a few hundred million years, before finding dinosaurs! The water also has animal microorganisms and evolve when the time machine affects things.
The "real" accuracies of Jurassic Period being as called Jurassic PARK (not to be confused with the Michael Crichton novel and Steven Spielberg film of the same name) like shellfishes becoming amphibians from micro organisms evolution (which fishes do not have humans inside), and Duckbills known as Snorts along with Hadrosaurids can talk and are from the Jurassic Period instead of Cretaceous Period.
And there's more I gotta say, too. Remember this part from later on, when Kal stated that the Jurassic Period had exactly the same place his father's house will be and haven't moved? How does he know where his house will be?!
Now this is a lie and a joke, he easily believed that the prehistoric world existed entirely like the modern world. Now that's just dumb. All these jokes in this series...it's just dumb. This is thankfully not canon to the mainstream Marvel universe.
I've been spending quite a bit of time reading the user reviews for Marvel's other tour de waste, Uncanny X-Men, and am quite honestly appalled at how many generally positive reviews it gets, but I sincerely hope that no more than 1% (including the cast and crew themselves) become a fan of these comix, because there is not one redeemer. And how do you expect this to serve in "U-Decide"? This shouldn't even be targeted towards teens. Watchmen's better than this crap, and Star Wars, too. This is so stupid and upsetting. Now, who's with me?
DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. IF YOU READ THIS ONCE, YOU'LL BEGIN TO HATE IT.
When I first heard of this comic book I thought, OK, so another comic book series to try and get the sales up for Marvel. And after my friends were obsessing over how much they love Spider-Man and this limited comix run, I decided to "attempt to" read these comix from the first ish till the last, and let me explain that, after several pages, I cannot tell you how highly shocked and offended I was at seeing the confusing plot, wanton sexuality, and reviled promotional nature. I like to read comix every day and this is not even close to it. I don't think it should even be under graphic novels because it is so horrible, I tell you. Not even my cousins couldn't read it. At first they laughed, not at the jokes in the comix, but at how awful the series truly was. They couldn't get through the entire ish and eventually decided to read another comic book series. I've also been seeing people on Goodreads and other websites widely regarding this as the worst comix ever made and you know what? They're absolutely true. Even Comic Book Guy couldn't agree any further with me.
WORST. COMIX. EVER.
Marvel needs to look at this comic series and take it away. This thing...it's not really cool or funny. It's so fake and sad. It's so awful...
This was a series of stories that involved the fictional son of Ted Turner and Jane Fonda named Kal-AOL (whose generic name combines Kal-El, the Kryptonian name of Superman, and AOL, who at the time of publishing was a co-owner of DC Comics) going back in time to stop a meteor strike from destroying the world. While ish 6 was a recap of the first 5 ishes and ending with Kal-AOL being rejected from publishing Marville to an editor, ish 7, the last ish, was also a submission guide for the planned revival of the Epic imprint in order to encourage new comic writers to create their own ideas (Well, WHAT FAMOUS COMIC BOOK WRITER DOESN'T?!?!?!?!), but failed later on. It served as nothing more than a "vanity project" for it's writer and Marvel's Vice President, Bill Jemas, who created the "U-Decide" contest where fans would decide which one of three comic books would become a full series, which somehow ended up being Peter David's Captain Marvel; Ron Zimmerman's Ultimate Adventures set in the Marvel's Ultimate Universe was also part of the contest, but nobody cared about it.
Now that I'm done trashing the "exposition", I'll continue to the actual topic: the comic books. I suppose it is just typical of Marvel to pull another sadistic comic book like this off. While good on paper, this series was just full of inside jokes so surrealistic that they needed explanation pages, making it feeling like TOTAL RIP-OFF. It seemed as though the series was written and illustrated and assembled together in three weeks by ten-year-olds. The covers by Greg Horn are entirely misleading and have nothing in common with the story whatsoever. Mark Bright's artstyle, while looking nice and simple, is generic and wasted with poor consistencies like the creepy anatomy for the women and the "realistic" art style of ish 3, which also has the script is typed in the comic that is feels as blurry to look at and focuses on the meaning of life as opposed to Kal-AOL trying to stop a meteor strike from destroying the world. I didn't really like the idea of sarcastic comments on comic book industry conventions and trends, either. Hundreds of comic book writers who are intelligent enough to wait until they're OLDER to try and become famous do much, much, better.
The story was forgettable, yet bizarre revolving around Ted Turner and Jane Fonda, who are somehow still alive in the futuristic year of 5002, sending their fictional son Kal-AOL back in time to stop a meteor strike from destroying Earth. This is quickly forgotten about, with Kal deciding that he wants to stop the crimes and it's underworld led by the Kingpin (who is not what was expected in this comic, as you will see later), while knowing the meaning of life and the universe as seen by God. And of course, Ted and Jane are never seen again and are only in the first 2 ishes and ish 6. The pacing is atrocious which drags on the philosophical treaties and historical inaccuracies.
No character development exists at all, making it feel like an educational essay, and the characters are largely forgettable, such as Kal-AOL (the protagonist), Mickey, Lucy and the fictionalized versions of Ted Turner and Jane Fonda who are also extreme stereotypes in this comic. Even my parents has sense enough to know that Ted and Jane are extremely stereotypical and don't exist like this. And no, Kal-AOL and the girly girls don't exist either. What really sets them apart, though, is that superheroes use their special powers to save the world. And that's what they claim they are doing: saving the world. Not from archenemies that seem about as tame as a bunch of comic book supervillains, but a motherfucking meteor! In addition we get lots of forced celebrity cameos (including Tony Soprano and Samy Naceri) that always say that they are typecast. Without any real antagonists, the closest are the meteors about to hit Earth, a yahoo from the crowd witnessing Ted chopping the meteor, Batman, Iron Man, Black Panther, an unnamed bank robber with his followers, two unidentified jobless men, fifty Raptors, a village elder, a medicine man...
Oh, and Spike Lee as the Kingpin!? WTF!? How the hell can the amazing Spike Lee take place as the Kingpin? Whoever thinks this crap is real needs to GET REAL. I think you'll all need to take a look at the full cast and crew again so you can understand a whole lot more about this dumbass superhero.
Black Panther and Iron Man are now depicted as racist superheroes in the comic as they kill people.
Spider-Man and the Punisher served no purpose with the forgotten "Kingpin/Spike Lee" plot thread and the main story (yeah, goodbye, Spidey and Punisher; nice knowing you both to see you contributed little-to-nothing in this garbage).
They even featured Batman, who is owned by DC Comics in the second issue without permission with Marvel. Good god, look at his costume in this comic. That looks hilariously god-awful with those three bat-ears and that purple spandex of his suit; additionally, they also even have Superman, who is actually a possible future or superhero version of Kal-AOL, with a "J" shield replacing the "S".
There are lots of moments that don't make any sense like Batman and Iron Man tried to "bonk" the bank robber's head, and somehow goes into his stomach. Also, it seemingly looks like it's using Looney Tunes' cartoonish physics (it might be Hanna-Barbera's though, not sure), but you don't do that for a non-cartoonish comic. You're not supposed to do that at all. Also, there is this disgusting part when Lucy wants the bank robber to lick black ink from her fingers. MY GOD, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MARVEL COMIX THESE DAYS?!?!?! Wait a minute. This legitimately IS from Marvel, right? OMG I love both DC comix and Marvel comix and I'm not obsessed with this crap. Unlike my sis who reads manga. She thinks they're all real superheroes, but they're not, they're just frauds. These books are only trying to let you see what being a superhero from the future is (in a really immature way). They're all just jokes (that aren't really funny).
And also, I get, like, extremely irritated when one of these people say, "Marville is my legend, Marville saved my life." Dumb as HELL. I'm so goddamn sick of these comic book guys manipulating others into reading this comic book. Now I wouldn't have mind reading the books at first, but they and the others kept ruining them for me. They're exaggerating the whole goddamn series.
They're making the characters (including the aforementioned Marvel and DC superheroes) seem like they're real heroes or real legends, but they're not. And what are you to expect next, a flock of stupid-ass bitches worshipping them? Now I'll praise the lord in a quick succession... (AM I using that word right?)
And now, a word about their future. KalAOL is a superhero and a drunk, whose is getting high off that soda, and they're making it seem as if he were getting drunk and CRUNK! Lucy is a terrible policewoman, but to be honest, she has solved some crimes real clever (wait, no, I don't think so); but if she signs up for NCIS or CSI, the chief of police is gonna stick his foot up Lucy's crack of her rump. Jack is a fake, my dad told me that he wasn't dressed right or something, so he might end up like faker that fakes and he's gonna get busted sooner or later. As for this so-called Mickey, I don't know about her like that.
Some other things that irked me about this series in some of the issues:
1. "Bub" is not a funny name or word. I went around at school today and actually said it to thousands of people. You most certainly cannot always count on "bub" getting you a laugh or two, so just shut your mouth, Mr. Caveman, Wolverine, or whatever your name is.
2. If someone's teenage girlfriend thinks your fart jokes are funny, Mr. Rush Limbaugh, you shouldn't be proud of it, so STOP DOING IT!!!
3. No one expresses what they think is funny by saying "that's funny, that's funny" and barely letting out a chuckle to accompany it, Mickey.
4. Jack: Hey, Al, lemme tell you something.
Al: What's that?
Jack: If you clap your hands, you will kill thousands of spores that will form a nutritious fungus.
Thanks, Jack, for explaining the already bad joke to us, especially after making it perfectly obvious what you meant when you accented those special words in that previous sentence.
5. If you think something is laugh-out-loud hilarious, most people wouldn't express it by opening their mouth as wide as possible and having no expression on your face other than that (I'm referring to the scene where Batman and Iron Man tried to hit the bank robber's head into his stomach, I cannot tell which).
6. The scene where the criminal slips on Al's dog's drool puddle is not funny. Why even the adults were feigning hysterical laughter is beyond me.
This comic is also notable for insulting science, religion, comic creators, and readers alike while trying to give world peace a bad message. For instance, Jesus is depicted as the world's first superhero. Where have we seen this before? There are also inaccurate science that are rather bizarre and pseudo, such as Biological Clock is used for time traveling and doesn't work that way in the real world, and Wolverine as the first human born and mutated from an otter, but also is immortal not only due to the healing factor, it's a metaphor because people's genetic codes lives in all of them.
Other inaccuracies include Earth's first life, which was caused by spontaneous generation of certain molecules coming together, while it reveals thirty million years, it has more plant life, but are dying from the lack of carbon dioxide due to the high amount of oxygen in the air. Thus, there were no plants to produce oxygen to start of life on Earth.
The Carbon molecules inside the animals are just little critters eating up their parents and it's horrible for plants have to been eaten and it states molecules and microbes from a basic form of a plant needed to die out and should be sorry for them. Of course, they aren't sentient, not sapient and aren't even qualify as life and are only a component at best. It even states that microbes are nothing more than death, murder and cannibalism. Even Jack says that it's not about death, it's only life itself. Even so, most forms of life haven't evolved yet, since besides in Precambrian or Cambrian-era Earth. Or even Ordovician, there are several more eras to go through, over the course of a few hundred million years, before finding dinosaurs! The water also has animal microorganisms and evolve when the time machine affects things.
The "real" accuracies of Jurassic Period being as called Jurassic PARK (not to be confused with the Michael Crichton novel and Steven Spielberg film of the same name) like shellfishes becoming amphibians from micro organisms evolution (which fishes do not have humans inside), and Duckbills known as Snorts along with Hadrosaurids can talk and are from the Jurassic Period instead of Cretaceous Period.
And there's more I gotta say, too. Remember this part from later on, when Kal stated that the Jurassic Period had exactly the same place his father's house will be and haven't moved? How does he know where his house will be?!
Now this is a lie and a joke, he easily believed that the prehistoric world existed entirely like the modern world. Now that's just dumb. All these jokes in this series...it's just dumb. This is thankfully not canon to the mainstream Marvel universe.
I've been spending quite a bit of time reading the user reviews for Marvel's other tour de waste, Uncanny X-Men, and am quite honestly appalled at how many generally positive reviews it gets, but I sincerely hope that no more than 1% (including the cast and crew themselves) become a fan of these comix, because there is not one redeemer. And how do you expect this to serve in "U-Decide"? This shouldn't even be targeted towards teens. Watchmen's better than this crap, and Star Wars, too. This is so stupid and upsetting. Now, who's with me?
DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. IF YOU READ THIS ONCE, YOU'LL BEGIN TO HATE IT.
April 30, 2019
The Travesty of Bill Jemas
The reputation of Marville is one that Bill Jemas must have expected when he wrote this piece-of-ssshhhhiiit. Marville #1-6 is the former Vice President of Marvel’s idiotic views on parodies, science, religion, humans, and the then current state of Marvel comics. Holy shite what a load. The best way to describe this thing is torture. An absolute waste of time that no reader should ever have to go through. Let’s start with the good. Some of the artwork in issue#4 is okay. That’s it. Everything else is shit.
This is one of those comics I read where I know I’m not gonna be able to get anybody who hasn’t read it to comprehend just how poorly done it is. Cuz nothing and I mean jack shit works here. Unless you have read this thing I guarantee you won’t truly understand the gravity of what I’m saying. (Unless you’ve read Holy Terror or The Divided States of Hysteria or Xerxes.) Let's start with what I presume we can call “characters”. Al, Lucy, and Mickey. All of them are fucking morons. They are all unbelievably annoying, dumb, and socially retarded. And when I say they are dumb wait till issue 4 where one of the girls realizes for the first time that humans murder humans. Fuck outta here with that shit. The amount of times this book insults your intelligence is just staggering. Bill Jemas is so goddamn full of himself. He believes that his views on science, comedy, and religion are more important than maintaining the comic book medium that everyone has loved. If you love the line “With great power comes great responsibility”, than expect to hear it butchered and analyzed to death here in ways that make no friggin sense.
This book may have the biggest tonal shift and complete shift in story I have ever seen in a comic. This thing goes from being one of the most random, unfunny, horribly written, jam packed, and nonsensical parodies I have ever seen to being the most preachy, never ending, torturous, cringe worthy, self important, and dim witted science/religion novel. I gotta say guys. I have read a lot of bad stuff. Avengers #200, Curse of Spawn, Silent Hill Paint it Black, Dark Knight Strikes Again ect. But my god getting through issues #3-6 actually made me audibly groan in frustration. CUZ IT NEVER SEEMED TO END. Bill Jemas seemed to have literally taken a science 11 textbook out of a school class room and fucking copied down EVERY WORD. I’M NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But he also gets a lot of the science wrong. Especially evolution. That’s how bad this was. Reading issues #3 and #5 was probably one of the most tedious experiences I’ve had to endure recently. Not to mention that issue 3 has no speech bubbles. That’s right. They printed the dialogue on the side of the page, making the reading experience hallow, infuriating, and completely disconnected from the artwork. Cuz not only does the text cover entire panels, (......my lord……..) but you don’t even know what panels some of the text is applied to. My god. Jemas also contradicts himself like 4 times. He says one thing in one issue and then in the next will completely derail this idea by saying something totally different on the same subject. Him and the editors were drunk or high on something while reviewing the writing. And don’t even get me started on the horribly offensive and cringe worthy covers for each of these things. It’s just absolutely sad.
What a load. I can’t find one panel I actually enjoyed reading. Zero. The art was good in issue 4. Again that’s it. Otherwise this is incompetence on a different level. This is stupidity on a different level. This is boring on a different level. This is arrogance on a different level. This is an insult. Bill Jemas is so damn full of himself that he thinks that comic fans only want the generic ass action filled surface level stories in Marvel comics. But he couldn’t be more wrong. Why do you think stories like Born Again or Kraven’s Last Hunt or Jeff Lemire’s Moon Knight or Alias are considered some of the most popular and brilliant stories Marvel has ever published. Because they do break the mold in terms of storytelling. People don’t want surface level stories we want stories that are the EXACT opposite kind of story this is. If you can call it a story at all. I feel uneasy for mentioning those amazing pieces of work in a review for a shit sandwich, but I had to make my point against Jemas’s. Never read Marville.
Letter Grade: (F-)
The reputation of Marville is one that Bill Jemas must have expected when he wrote this piece-of-ssshhhhiiit. Marville #1-6 is the former Vice President of Marvel’s idiotic views on parodies, science, religion, humans, and the then current state of Marvel comics. Holy shite what a load. The best way to describe this thing is torture. An absolute waste of time that no reader should ever have to go through. Let’s start with the good. Some of the artwork in issue#4 is okay. That’s it. Everything else is shit.
This is one of those comics I read where I know I’m not gonna be able to get anybody who hasn’t read it to comprehend just how poorly done it is. Cuz nothing and I mean jack shit works here. Unless you have read this thing I guarantee you won’t truly understand the gravity of what I’m saying. (Unless you’ve read Holy Terror or The Divided States of Hysteria or Xerxes.) Let's start with what I presume we can call “characters”. Al, Lucy, and Mickey. All of them are fucking morons. They are all unbelievably annoying, dumb, and socially retarded. And when I say they are dumb wait till issue 4 where one of the girls realizes for the first time that humans murder humans. Fuck outta here with that shit. The amount of times this book insults your intelligence is just staggering. Bill Jemas is so goddamn full of himself. He believes that his views on science, comedy, and religion are more important than maintaining the comic book medium that everyone has loved. If you love the line “With great power comes great responsibility”, than expect to hear it butchered and analyzed to death here in ways that make no friggin sense.
This book may have the biggest tonal shift and complete shift in story I have ever seen in a comic. This thing goes from being one of the most random, unfunny, horribly written, jam packed, and nonsensical parodies I have ever seen to being the most preachy, never ending, torturous, cringe worthy, self important, and dim witted science/religion novel. I gotta say guys. I have read a lot of bad stuff. Avengers #200, Curse of Spawn, Silent Hill Paint it Black, Dark Knight Strikes Again ect. But my god getting through issues #3-6 actually made me audibly groan in frustration. CUZ IT NEVER SEEMED TO END. Bill Jemas seemed to have literally taken a science 11 textbook out of a school class room and fucking copied down EVERY WORD. I’M NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But he also gets a lot of the science wrong. Especially evolution. That’s how bad this was. Reading issues #3 and #5 was probably one of the most tedious experiences I’ve had to endure recently. Not to mention that issue 3 has no speech bubbles. That’s right. They printed the dialogue on the side of the page, making the reading experience hallow, infuriating, and completely disconnected from the artwork. Cuz not only does the text cover entire panels, (......my lord……..) but you don’t even know what panels some of the text is applied to. My god. Jemas also contradicts himself like 4 times. He says one thing in one issue and then in the next will completely derail this idea by saying something totally different on the same subject. Him and the editors were drunk or high on something while reviewing the writing. And don’t even get me started on the horribly offensive and cringe worthy covers for each of these things. It’s just absolutely sad.
What a load. I can’t find one panel I actually enjoyed reading. Zero. The art was good in issue 4. Again that’s it. Otherwise this is incompetence on a different level. This is stupidity on a different level. This is boring on a different level. This is arrogance on a different level. This is an insult. Bill Jemas is so damn full of himself that he thinks that comic fans only want the generic ass action filled surface level stories in Marvel comics. But he couldn’t be more wrong. Why do you think stories like Born Again or Kraven’s Last Hunt or Jeff Lemire’s Moon Knight or Alias are considered some of the most popular and brilliant stories Marvel has ever published. Because they do break the mold in terms of storytelling. People don’t want surface level stories we want stories that are the EXACT opposite kind of story this is. If you can call it a story at all. I feel uneasy for mentioning those amazing pieces of work in a review for a shit sandwich, but I had to make my point against Jemas’s. Never read Marville.
Letter Grade: (F-)
May 30, 2021
This was impressively bad.
And I mean as serie as a whole.
Not only it had a rather terrible start -with some bare humor made by someone who is likely not used to make parodies- but it also goes completely off rail by the third volume into a completely different kind of story pratically completely unlinked to the first two issues.
And I mean as serie as a whole.
Not only it had a rather terrible start -with some bare humor made by someone who is likely not used to make parodies- but it also goes completely off rail by the third volume into a completely different kind of story pratically completely unlinked to the first two issues.
November 19, 2018
I don't want to live on this planet anymore
January 26, 2023
In a bizarre effort to dunk on Peter David, Bill Jemas gave the world Marville, one of the colossal mindfucks of all time.
This is so bad. The satire is spiteful and dumb, the science is so wrong on every level that the only way to describe it is malignant ignorance, and the philosophy it espouses is the kind of cheesy nonsense that would come out of a pretentious highschooler. This thing reads like Bill Jemas's satire (or rather whatever passes in his mind for satire) ran out of steam an issue and a half in, so he panicked, got baked, and plagiarized a bunch of ideas from the Discovery Institute's website.
Also, what the fuck is going on with the gratuitous cheesecake covers?
I can't say for sure that this is the worst comic series ever published, but it's a contender.
This is so bad. The satire is spiteful and dumb, the science is so wrong on every level that the only way to describe it is malignant ignorance, and the philosophy it espouses is the kind of cheesy nonsense that would come out of a pretentious highschooler. This thing reads like Bill Jemas's satire (or rather whatever passes in his mind for satire) ran out of steam an issue and a half in, so he panicked, got baked, and plagiarized a bunch of ideas from the Discovery Institute's website.
Also, what the fuck is going on with the gratuitous cheesecake covers?
I can't say for sure that this is the worst comic series ever published, but it's a contender.
February 4, 2016
This book was not at all what I judged it to based on the cover, or the first few pages and I'm glad I read this.
January 1, 2021
It stinks.
July 28, 2023
I don’t often do reviews but this was rough
November 26, 2024
Zero stars. Negative stars. Putting this next to other books will turn them into worse books. Those who haven’t read this will find it hard to comprehend just how nonsensical a mess this book is, showing absolutely no evidence of any rational mind at work. It’s “The Room” of comics.
The first two issues have a remote semblance of a plot, and each panel is a kindergarten dig at the countless people Bill Jemas has a beef with, punctuated by fart jokes and hypersexual art. From issue 3 onward, we get essentially the drunken ramblings of a creationist if those ramblings were then put into a blender, translated into another language, then put into a blender again and translated back by Google Translate.
If a monkey had written this book, it would’ve made more sense.
The first two issues have a remote semblance of a plot, and each panel is a kindergarten dig at the countless people Bill Jemas has a beef with, punctuated by fart jokes and hypersexual art. From issue 3 onward, we get essentially the drunken ramblings of a creationist if those ramblings were then put into a blender, translated into another language, then put into a blender again and translated back by Google Translate.
If a monkey had written this book, it would’ve made more sense.
December 23, 2023
Los primeros dos números no están taaaan mal.. no son buenos, pero no son completa basura. Los cuatro números restantes... ¡Oh dios!
Comenzando con el hecho de que a partir del tercer número se salen completamente de la historia con la que iniciaste para contarte un encuentro con "dios" que es de lo más aburrido y dura TRES NUMEROS.
El último número es una especie de recapitulación dónde te recuerdan por todo el sufrimiento que atravesaste, para al final hacer el anuncio de la entonces nueva línea Epic, que después de todo es lo más interesante de todo este volumen.
Si tienen la oportunidad de leer Marville, desaprovéchenla.
Comenzando con el hecho de que a partir del tercer número se salen completamente de la historia con la que iniciaste para contarte un encuentro con "dios" que es de lo más aburrido y dura TRES NUMEROS.
El último número es una especie de recapitulación dónde te recuerdan por todo el sufrimiento que atravesaste, para al final hacer el anuncio de la entonces nueva línea Epic, que después de todo es lo más interesante de todo este volumen.
Si tienen la oportunidad de leer Marville, desaprovéchenla.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 8, 2025
Nota 1.
As duas primeiras edições até q não são o maior desastre, consegue ser tão ruim q chega a ser engraçado pelo menos. Mas da terceira edição a seguir fica muito chaaaaaaato. Focando na evolução do planeta e da espécie, com um discurso de Deus e Ciência muito propaganda/panfleto.
Dá muito sono essas partes q é só exposição q mais parece lavagem cerebral.
As duas primeiras edições até q não são o maior desastre, consegue ser tão ruim q chega a ser engraçado pelo menos. Mas da terceira edição a seguir fica muito chaaaaaaato. Focando na evolução do planeta e da espécie, com um discurso de Deus e Ciência muito propaganda/panfleto.
Dá muito sono essas partes q é só exposição q mais parece lavagem cerebral.
July 28, 2025
Fascinatingly terrible. Issue #3 might be one of the absolute worst single issues I've ever read in my life.
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