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I Love You And I'm Leaving You Anyway
Television writer Tracy McMillan’s comic literary road trip into the heart and soul of her relationship with her father—a convicted pimp, drug dealer, and felon—and what it has meant for her relationships with men. Like a cross between The Glass Castle and Hypocrite in a Poufy White Dress , I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway is funny, inspiring, and truly unique.
352 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2010
54 people are currently reading
859 people want to read
About the author
Tracy McMillan
7 books137 followersTracy McMillan is a television writer and memoirist, most recently on the Emmy Award–winning AMC series Mad Men. Previously, she wrote on Showtime’s United States of Tara, ABC’s Life on Mars, and NBC’s Journeyman. She’s also developing an as-yet-untitled series with Dreamworks Television. I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway is Tracy’s first book.
Born and raised in Minneapolis, Tracy spent years in the foster care system. After graduating from the University of Utah with a broadcast-journalism degree, she spent more than a decade writing and producing television news for outlets such as NBC Nightly News, KNBC-TV, and Access Hollywood. Tracy’s articles and essays have appeared in a number of print publications and websites. She is a regular performer at Sit-n-Spin on the Comedy Central stage in Los Angeles.
She is the mother of a 13 year old boy, and lives in Los Angeles.
Her not-so-secret ambition is to have a talk show.
Born and raised in Minneapolis, Tracy spent years in the foster care system. After graduating from the University of Utah with a broadcast-journalism degree, she spent more than a decade writing and producing television news for outlets such as NBC Nightly News, KNBC-TV, and Access Hollywood. Tracy’s articles and essays have appeared in a number of print publications and websites. She is a regular performer at Sit-n-Spin on the Comedy Central stage in Los Angeles.
She is the mother of a 13 year old boy, and lives in Los Angeles.
Her not-so-secret ambition is to have a talk show.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 90 reviews
October 12, 2010
to be perfectly honest, i hate the title of this book. i generally don’t lean towards chick lit or self help (or whatever else you might think this book is) and i almost didn’t pick it up because of it’s obvious leanings towards some unstated audience. but, really, in this case, don’t judge a book by it’s cover and don’t assume that the title is an adequate representation of the weight a book can carry. i am more than glad that i gave it a chance and not only enjoyed the reading, but i think i actually learned something about myself along the way (bonus!).
this is a memoir and it is definitely written for women, by a woman, but, what McMillan has to say is in many ways universal to humans. and her very journalistic ability to cut through to the raw and often painful truth of a situation is what makes this book extraordinarily readable. i don’t know if i would go so far as to run around recommending it for all of the men i know, but it certainly isn’t limited to the female audience. it is, i’d also like to mention, written for someone at least familiar with modern American pop culture, as the book references everything from Britney Spears to the band Pavement, Monopoly to Axe body spray, the website Hot or Not, and the Obamas. it is very current and relevant and i found that this made it even more applicable in so many ways, but on the flip side of that, the book might estrange some audiences.
"I am doing all kinds of things to “get over it,” not realizing that there is no getting over it. There’s only getting through it."
at the opening of the book, Tracy McMillan finds herself married and divorced three times, alone as a single mother, making life as complicated as possible and never quite getting it right. before diving headfirst into a fourth disaster, she decided it might be a good idea to figure out what it was that wasn’t clicking in her relationships. the realization was that she had some rather obvious daddy issues and was recreating her childhood issues in her adult relationships. as the daughter of a pimp (literally) and a prostitute, Tracy grew up in a world very different from anything i could really relate to, surrounded by gratuitous amounts of sex and drugs, not to mention prison, which her father couldn’t seem to avoid. but, despite the unfamiliar setting, and the sociopathic tendencies and overt girliness that was equally foreign to me, there was an immense amount of familiarity, as well.
guilt. jealousy. self mistrust. daddy issues. fear of abandonment. escapism, and the desire to run when all else fails. these are things that we have all probably experienced to some degree in our own lives and relationships. Tracy takes her time detailing her childhood, her previous three marriages, and the birth of her son, in all their glory and misery, describing her own emotional status throughout. for that, i’ve got to give it to her for putting herself out there, because a lot of what she experienced was due to her own repetitive, misguided choices and bad decisions and she wasn’t the least bit afraid to admit it. most important, though, is that she was willing to break the cycle and finally try to learn from it.
the writing style was very journalistic, pulling from McMillan’s own career as a TV writer, no doubt. it was almost like having a conversation with Tracy over a cup of coffee, with her telling us about her life today with reflections on the past mixed within. the building of the history into the culminating moment of personal discovery is highly readable and i had no problem finishing the book in a few short sittings. there is, as i mentioned, a lot of sex and drugs, as well as a heavy use of expletives, so i wouldn’t recommend this for anyone that might take offense or be uncomfortable with any of that. but, if the realism of McMillan’s world interests you, this is a fantastic book and really holds an important message about love (of yourself and of others) and forgiveness in order to find true happiness.
"It’s so much less complicated than I make it."
though Tracy is a single mother, a divorcee, a prison inmate’s daughter, a past drug user (read: so many things that i am not), i related to her and her story because it is her fundamental humanity that shone through it all. and despite the tough moments, it is a wonderfully positive book of redemption and self discovery. highly recommended!
this is a memoir and it is definitely written for women, by a woman, but, what McMillan has to say is in many ways universal to humans. and her very journalistic ability to cut through to the raw and often painful truth of a situation is what makes this book extraordinarily readable. i don’t know if i would go so far as to run around recommending it for all of the men i know, but it certainly isn’t limited to the female audience. it is, i’d also like to mention, written for someone at least familiar with modern American pop culture, as the book references everything from Britney Spears to the band Pavement, Monopoly to Axe body spray, the website Hot or Not, and the Obamas. it is very current and relevant and i found that this made it even more applicable in so many ways, but on the flip side of that, the book might estrange some audiences.
"I am doing all kinds of things to “get over it,” not realizing that there is no getting over it. There’s only getting through it."
at the opening of the book, Tracy McMillan finds herself married and divorced three times, alone as a single mother, making life as complicated as possible and never quite getting it right. before diving headfirst into a fourth disaster, she decided it might be a good idea to figure out what it was that wasn’t clicking in her relationships. the realization was that she had some rather obvious daddy issues and was recreating her childhood issues in her adult relationships. as the daughter of a pimp (literally) and a prostitute, Tracy grew up in a world very different from anything i could really relate to, surrounded by gratuitous amounts of sex and drugs, not to mention prison, which her father couldn’t seem to avoid. but, despite the unfamiliar setting, and the sociopathic tendencies and overt girliness that was equally foreign to me, there was an immense amount of familiarity, as well.
guilt. jealousy. self mistrust. daddy issues. fear of abandonment. escapism, and the desire to run when all else fails. these are things that we have all probably experienced to some degree in our own lives and relationships. Tracy takes her time detailing her childhood, her previous three marriages, and the birth of her son, in all their glory and misery, describing her own emotional status throughout. for that, i’ve got to give it to her for putting herself out there, because a lot of what she experienced was due to her own repetitive, misguided choices and bad decisions and she wasn’t the least bit afraid to admit it. most important, though, is that she was willing to break the cycle and finally try to learn from it.
the writing style was very journalistic, pulling from McMillan’s own career as a TV writer, no doubt. it was almost like having a conversation with Tracy over a cup of coffee, with her telling us about her life today with reflections on the past mixed within. the building of the history into the culminating moment of personal discovery is highly readable and i had no problem finishing the book in a few short sittings. there is, as i mentioned, a lot of sex and drugs, as well as a heavy use of expletives, so i wouldn’t recommend this for anyone that might take offense or be uncomfortable with any of that. but, if the realism of McMillan’s world interests you, this is a fantastic book and really holds an important message about love (of yourself and of others) and forgiveness in order to find true happiness.
"It’s so much less complicated than I make it."
though Tracy is a single mother, a divorcee, a prison inmate’s daughter, a past drug user (read: so many things that i am not), i related to her and her story because it is her fundamental humanity that shone through it all. and despite the tough moments, it is a wonderfully positive book of redemption and self discovery. highly recommended!
August 12, 2010
As I wiped the tears away, the first word which came to mind when I finished Tracy McMillan's memoir I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway is "Wow." Her journey to self-love is one that many can relate to even if the specific steps are different. Throughout the book, Ms. McMillan's humor and insight cut through the pain we experience with her as she leads us through her past. Even though I got frustrated with some of Ms. McMillan's choices, I was cheering for her. I feel like she spoke to all of us who have come into relationships seeking validation, value, and acceptance.
My favorite parts of the book were all in the chapter entitled, "I love you and I forgive you." I appreciated that she reevaluated relationships from an adult perspective and then gave thanks for what she learned from having all the connections. One of the most moving moments for me is when Ms. McMillan is saying goodbye to her foster mother June. She is reunited with one of her foster brother's and remembers how she felt like she was part of something. It reminds me a little bit of how I feel when I go to my parent's house for Thanksgiving. Even though I get annoyed, frustrated, and try to demonstrate all the ways in which I am different than my family, I am glad to be tied to something bigger than myself.
I also really loved Ms. McMillan's son, Sam. His presence seems to ground Ms. McMillan in a really lovely way. I appreciated all of his questions and answers to many things. I loved the epiphanies Ms McMillan had about men since she became the mother of a son. Another one of my favorite scenes is when Sam interacts with Freddie (Ms. McMillan's father) in prison. It is beautiful to see the two parts of her lives come together and to feel the happiness and joy she has in that moment.
Most of all, I appreciate the hope the book provides. Hope to those of us who seem to be so far behind in the journey of self-love. Hope to those of us who find it hard to believe that we have not missed our window to finding love. If I had read the book before I was married, I may have been a little less surprised that my Partner would end up being someone who loves watching nature shows and enjoys eating yogurt rice every day. Maybe I would have spent less time trying to figure out what was wrong with him and how I could fix myself to be with him. Instead, maybe I could have enjoyed and trusted the peace I feel around him sooner or enjoy the fact that being with him feels both like an adventure and a safe resting place. Ms. McMillan dedicates her book, in part, to "[her:] fourth husband, wherever you are." << After such a wonderfully written and provocative journey to self-love and understanding of men through her son, I am cheering for her to find a Partner with whom she can have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
My favorite parts of the book were all in the chapter entitled, "I love you and I forgive you." I appreciated that she reevaluated relationships from an adult perspective and then gave thanks for what she learned from having all the connections. One of the most moving moments for me is when Ms. McMillan is saying goodbye to her foster mother June. She is reunited with one of her foster brother's and remembers how she felt like she was part of something. It reminds me a little bit of how I feel when I go to my parent's house for Thanksgiving. Even though I get annoyed, frustrated, and try to demonstrate all the ways in which I am different than my family, I am glad to be tied to something bigger than myself.
I also really loved Ms. McMillan's son, Sam. His presence seems to ground Ms. McMillan in a really lovely way. I appreciated all of his questions and answers to many things. I loved the epiphanies Ms McMillan had about men since she became the mother of a son. Another one of my favorite scenes is when Sam interacts with Freddie (Ms. McMillan's father) in prison. It is beautiful to see the two parts of her lives come together and to feel the happiness and joy she has in that moment.
Most of all, I appreciate the hope the book provides. Hope to those of us who seem to be so far behind in the journey of self-love. Hope to those of us who find it hard to believe that we have not missed our window to finding love. If I had read the book before I was married, I may have been a little less surprised that my Partner would end up being someone who loves watching nature shows and enjoys eating yogurt rice every day. Maybe I would have spent less time trying to figure out what was wrong with him and how I could fix myself to be with him. Instead, maybe I could have enjoyed and trusted the peace I feel around him sooner or enjoy the fact that being with him feels both like an adventure and a safe resting place. Ms. McMillan dedicates her book, in part, to "[her:] fourth husband, wherever you are." << After such a wonderfully written and provocative journey to self-love and understanding of men through her son, I am cheering for her to find a Partner with whom she can have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
January 11, 2015
You know a book is good or it resonsates within you when you are stealing moments away just to read what happens next. This book was the worst book and an amazing book at the same time for me. The worst in a way because it was a "trigger" book. It said things straight out to me (about me) and my choices in life that my therapy appointments just pussyfoot around.
Yes - oh yes - I saw a lot of myself in this book, so much so that if there were 3 degrees of seperation between us - I would have thought she wrote it specifically for my growth and healing, making me face my demons, my past, my upbringing and my almost same exact relationship, my newlywed/divorce situation.
It hurt to read this book - it hurt a lot. However, I wanted to see how Tracy healed and learned and grew...because I want all of that and a bag of chips too. So, I don't know if I can ever be as put together as Tracy or figure it all out like Tracy but her beginnings were a hell of a lot more humble than mine and if her intention was to give someone strength and hope and wisdom then consider this book - her first memoir - a true success.
Yes - oh yes - I saw a lot of myself in this book, so much so that if there were 3 degrees of seperation between us - I would have thought she wrote it specifically for my growth and healing, making me face my demons, my past, my upbringing and my almost same exact relationship, my newlywed/divorce situation.
It hurt to read this book - it hurt a lot. However, I wanted to see how Tracy healed and learned and grew...because I want all of that and a bag of chips too. So, I don't know if I can ever be as put together as Tracy or figure it all out like Tracy but her beginnings were a hell of a lot more humble than mine and if her intention was to give someone strength and hope and wisdom then consider this book - her first memoir - a true success.
February 29, 2012
This book is well-written (I especially like how McMillan juxtaposes her early story with the story of her third husband) and well-structured. However, this book also makes me so sad. Although McMillan ultimately carves out a happy ending, this story is so familiar because it is my story - and a million other broken grown up girls and boys. Of course, my father wasn't a real life pimp. ;)
But seriously, this story makes me sad because it is true, because Daddy Issues can wreak havoc and chaos in a life, and because ultimately, the way it plays out in our children.
I do love how McMillan reclaims her self from the wreckage though. I especially love how she takes a hard look at her cycle of repeated self-abuse (in the form of looking and loving successive "Daddies") and steps off. It is painful, raw, and truth. I am glad that I have grown and am far enough removed from many of these same issues in order to appreciate this story and this woman without breaking down weeping.
Mostly, though, I am grateful for the way my life has turned out.
But seriously, this story makes me sad because it is true, because Daddy Issues can wreak havoc and chaos in a life, and because ultimately, the way it plays out in our children.
I do love how McMillan reclaims her self from the wreckage though. I especially love how she takes a hard look at her cycle of repeated self-abuse (in the form of looking and loving successive "Daddies") and steps off. It is painful, raw, and truth. I am glad that I have grown and am far enough removed from many of these same issues in order to appreciate this story and this woman without breaking down weeping.
Mostly, though, I am grateful for the way my life has turned out.
July 9, 2010
I met Tracy when she spoke on a TV writers panel at the Great American PitchFest and developed such an immediate girl crush on her that I went right out and bought this book. I knew if she wrote as eloquently as she spoke--and with even half the humor--I'd be in for a great read.
She didn't disappoint. Even familiar situations are fun to look at through Tracy's quirky, insightful lens... and of course there are plenty of fascinating scenarios as well. She strikes a nice balance of being able to articulate the lessons she's learned from some difficult choices without sounding preachy or like a know-it-all. What do you expect from someone who writes for "Mad Men"?! (A lot.)
So yes, my girl crush is intact.
She didn't disappoint. Even familiar situations are fun to look at through Tracy's quirky, insightful lens... and of course there are plenty of fascinating scenarios as well. She strikes a nice balance of being able to articulate the lessons she's learned from some difficult choices without sounding preachy or like a know-it-all. What do you expect from someone who writes for "Mad Men"?! (A lot.)
So yes, my girl crush is intact.
September 17, 2024
I read this book because I watched "Unprisoned" on hulu w/ Kerry Washington and the show was so unique, eye-opening, and it moved me so much I cried hard during the finale. Tracy's upbringing is one of one. Her story opened up my perspective to how brutal and unjust incarceration rates are for black people in America. She writes about her visits to federal prison to visit her Dad at a young age and how her Dad once experienced solitary confinement.
This is a story about how her relationship with her suave sweet talking Dad who was in federal prison up until her young adulthood shaped her brain chemistry in choosing men to date. The boyfriend she highlights in the majority of this book has everything that you would want a man to have on paper. Reading the chapters unfolding their relationship, I was also swept up by the dream guy. Tracy writes wittingly about how the relationship progresses.
I laughed out loud at many points in the book and felt like I was seeing the world through her eyes very well. She has an amazing writer's voice and is really self-aware but with the best sense of humor about her rollercoaster of a story.
This is a story about how her relationship with her suave sweet talking Dad who was in federal prison up until her young adulthood shaped her brain chemistry in choosing men to date. The boyfriend she highlights in the majority of this book has everything that you would want a man to have on paper. Reading the chapters unfolding their relationship, I was also swept up by the dream guy. Tracy writes wittingly about how the relationship progresses.
I laughed out loud at many points in the book and felt like I was seeing the world through her eyes very well. She has an amazing writer's voice and is really self-aware but with the best sense of humor about her rollercoaster of a story.
February 19, 2018
Does the everyday American need to write an memoir? This read more like, "These are my experiences, and here are my reflections."
All of us have a story of how we perceive our childhood. Where we think our parents fell short and how these experiences shaped how we relate/experience our relationships. blah blah blah.
It was okay. Not worth a re-read. And truthfully, if she had stuck to romance format, without the flashbacks interspersed between the present/past, it could have worked. It tried to be funny and self-deprecating but fell short. Honestly, I tried to feel sympathy but I couldn't scrounge up something that looked like me giving a damn.
Apparently, I didn't read the same book as everyone else. She did not pull me in. And although it was a quick read, she didn't ignite my sympathy/empathy chip.
All of us have a story of how we perceive our childhood. Where we think our parents fell short and how these experiences shaped how we relate/experience our relationships. blah blah blah.
It was okay. Not worth a re-read. And truthfully, if she had stuck to romance format, without the flashbacks interspersed between the present/past, it could have worked. It tried to be funny and self-deprecating but fell short. Honestly, I tried to feel sympathy but I couldn't scrounge up something that looked like me giving a damn.
Apparently, I didn't read the same book as everyone else. She did not pull me in. And although it was a quick read, she didn't ignite my sympathy/empathy chip.
July 16, 2018
McMillan's story is certainly an interesting one and her writing style is engaging, humorous, and heartfelt - a bit like chatting with a girlfriend. I might have rated it higher, but there were a few things that irritated me:
- She references a lot of celebrities, many of whom I am unfamiliar with and all of whom I could care less about.
- She harps a bit too much on her perceived deficiencies (my skin is too dark, my hair is too curly, I'm too Minnesotan) as if she is asking the reader for validation of her worth.
- She believes that Los Angeles is fabulous, with its perpetually perfect blue skies.
- I found aspects of her life unrelatable (nonchalant drug use, for example).
It occurred to me toward the end of the novel that, although the voice is that of a girlfriend, McMillan and I would not be friends in real life.
- She references a lot of celebrities, many of whom I am unfamiliar with and all of whom I could care less about.
- She harps a bit too much on her perceived deficiencies (my skin is too dark, my hair is too curly, I'm too Minnesotan) as if she is asking the reader for validation of her worth.
- She believes that Los Angeles is fabulous, with its perpetually perfect blue skies.
- I found aspects of her life unrelatable (nonchalant drug use, for example).
It occurred to me toward the end of the novel that, although the voice is that of a girlfriend, McMillan and I would not be friends in real life.
May 27, 2020
Not great writing from someone who makes a living writing. McMillan uses (ad nauseum) tired cliches. Not really uplifting, in that she never apparently learns from her mistakes. Not exactly a shining example of what a person in sobriety can accomplish as she never really seems to change her behavior in any meaningful way. McMillan spends her whole life, as they say in 12-Step programs, sitting on the pity-pot". She mistakes self absorption for self-awareness. If anything, this book serves as a cautionary tale of what to avoid in a girlfriend. She's an amalgam of every shallow, needy, "damaged chick", princess-tease with daddy issues that has ever wasted a piece of your life. She destroys every healthy relationship she gets in and whines when the flashy, pretty/bad boys dump her. Wah wah wah! A very tiresome book.
March 7, 2021
I have no idea how I got this book b/c it's not the type I normally read - autobiography. But I started it and I really enjoyed it - again, surprising to find this story about a woman who had an extremely rough upbringing with so many foster homes and the continued presence of her pimp dad, who is in and out of jail. She has major trust/commitment issues which makes it hard for her to stick with relationships. Why did I enjoy reading of her day to day life?? I have no idea but I did. I don't even KNOW who Tracy McMillan is but now I want to google her !!
This book is easy to pick up and read and set it back for a week or two and then continue when you have time. It's not a "page turner" and you won't lose sleep staying up reading "one more chapter" BUT you will enjoy it and root for her to find some happiness.
This book is easy to pick up and read and set it back for a week or two and then continue when you have time. It's not a "page turner" and you won't lose sleep staying up reading "one more chapter" BUT you will enjoy it and root for her to find some happiness.
February 18, 2019
I read this amazing book in one day. I simply could not put it down. I am drawn to personal stories and life lessons that resinate many truths in my own life. I literally had to put the book down and insert myself into her stories. She was able to put words to and provide clarity to relationships in my life that I have struggled with for many years. I have a person in my life that is exactly like her father, Freddie...to a T! - - if you are open to going on a personal journey with the author you won’t be sorry. Great read!!
March 16, 2020
This book is exactly what my soul needed in this moment.
I absorbed the wisdom like cotton soaks but water.
I especially adored reading about Tracy's relationship with his son.
I will certainly go back again and again to the words that I highlighted in this book.
--
Update: seriously, I read this whole book thinking it was memoir by Terry McMillan! This is unbelievable. I am in shock right now! Like I had made up my mind that I was ready about Terry that seeing "Tracy" repeatedly on the book's pages did not even register. WOW!
I absorbed the wisdom like cotton soaks but water.
I especially adored reading about Tracy's relationship with his son.
I will certainly go back again and again to the words that I highlighted in this book.
--
Update: seriously, I read this whole book thinking it was memoir by Terry McMillan! This is unbelievable. I am in shock right now! Like I had made up my mind that I was ready about Terry that seeing "Tracy" repeatedly on the book's pages did not even register. WOW!
June 14, 2018
4.5. Because I like exploring relationships and emotions. And detailed observations and random bits of surprisingly insightful revelations. I won't be re-reading it, but I appreciate it as a memoir. Writing style is simple and conversational.
You'll either connect with it or you won't. I completely understand how someone could rate this book a 1 for being boring, ridiculous, and/or too far-fetched in revolving around daddy issues.
You'll either connect with it or you won't. I completely understand how someone could rate this book a 1 for being boring, ridiculous, and/or too far-fetched in revolving around daddy issues.
October 26, 2018
Tracy has a knack for wrapping words and ideas up in perfectly formed bows. Sometimes it almost becomes too much- even her memoir of a very rocky childhood and three divorces comes across as squeaky clean. This woman has a wealth of knowledge on relationships and I love reading her work and watching her little classes on Facebook. Thanks for writing this, Tracy! I learned a lot reading your experience-accumulated wisdom.
March 6, 2019
This book helped my sense of self. Her journey to self love was very intriguing to me. The fact that she had an interesting childhood and a lot of events that took time for her to heal from and move forward really took a hold of me. This book helped me to understand why I feel the way I do when it comes to an absentee father and having to let go of what you didn’t have. Definitely a good read!
March 13, 2024
Such kind of people in our society are great examples for all those who are in trouble to get through in life. Despite of having troubled childhood still she managed to became a good person in life and till today she's managing well to became a good mother as well to find a husband who not only understand her but also accept her.
June 30, 2024
I picked the book after watching the show 'Unprisoned' and also thought the title is really interesting. I enjoyed reading the parts of her childhood and seeing how that sadly shaped her life after. I had to drop this one because the profanity, New age stuff, oversexualised content and how she talks about the Christian Faith just didn't sit well with me.
July 6, 2018
I love reading reading stories of personal growth and this book helped me get through college when I was having a really hard time myself. You are allowed to fuck up and make mistakes, you just have to learn from them.
February 19, 2019
I love Tracy McMillan’s realness. While reading this book, I felt like I was sitting across from her, and she was reading the chapters of her existence to me. Tons of little golden nuggets dropped in this retelling of her life.
July 24, 2024
I loved this book. Full disclosure I read it in 24 hours after binge watching the first season on the show based on this book, while having Covid. I’m a sucker for memoirs and this was a good one. The show is equally good. Oh and she grew up in Minnesota, of course I gave it 5 stars.
December 10, 2024
I really loved this book. Her story is interesting, her tone is funny and entertaining, and it has a lot of wisdom and insight into relationships - with parents, partners, and children. I highly recommend this book!
May 29, 2017
Great for reflecting
Made me think about me but it was fun to read at the same time. Bla bla bla bla bla
Made me think about me but it was fun to read at the same time. Bla bla bla bla bla
September 29, 2018
No one knows exactly why things in life unfold the way they do. But everything that happens is in our highest good. It's up to us to make it so.
October 27, 2018
I LOVED THIS MEMOIR. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made cringe, it made me nod in recognition.
May 5, 2019
Too much foul language for me & I found the frequent skipping back & forth in time to sometimes be confusing. I did not finish the book.
October 23, 2019
Witty & Fast Paced
Witty. The author's style is perfect for this book. Funny, full of heart, engaging and fast paced. I enjoyed it.
Witty. The author's style is perfect for this book. Funny, full of heart, engaging and fast paced. I enjoyed it.
March 10, 2025
This book resonated with me deeply. I saw so much of me in it, I almost could have written it myself.
February 7, 2016
I don't normally read books like this, but years ago the title interested me.
I have been trying to finish the book for years now, and I fall in and out of the mood for this book. The author is clearly smart, funny, and honest, yet I don't stay as interested. But there were some parts that were truly impactful that I've kept.
Almost half way through is when I got hooked.
Overall, I'm glad I read this book.
*Spoiler Alert*
Some Quotes I Found Interesting
"This makes me think that postpartum depression is when a mother has a baby and it "wakes up" that part of her that was unmothered or undermothered and thus is deeply, preverbally, achingly sad." pg 234
"I cry and cry. For the little girl who felt like something was just so wrong with her that she manifester her deepest belief about herself as this day, and this situation, and this man, who obviously believes the same thing about himself." p251
"It means I can also let go of being a victim. Because being a victim is a double-edged sword. You get to be right (and righteous), but then you're stuck there."
"The pain only happens - no, always happens - whenever I leave the absolute present, like the static that occurs when I click 105.6 or 105.8 instead of 105.7. One tick into the past or into the future, and it feels like I am being suffocated." p283
"The way the exact same pain is passed down from genereation to generation. My dad abandons me, then I choose a man with my dad's qualities, who then abandons me and my son. Now my son carries the same kind of hurt I carry, like he carries the gene that caused the gap between my two front teeth." 284
"I feel intuitively that Sam is picking up on all of the torment and self-hatred in this house - Paul loathes who he has become; I am startlingly thin. I have always believed that children transmit the unspoken and/or repressed thoughts and feelings in a household." p. 287
"Sam is showing me where my "love" affair has taken me, and its as bad as any drug addiction. The way I've stayed with Paul no matter what he's done - throught the lies and the insanity. If I look at Pauls as if he's a drug, it all makes perfect sense. I had to have it. I just had to have it.
In fact, I can look back on all of my relationships - the marriages, the men; the one I got, the ones I didn't get - and I see how I have pursued my love obsession with the same single-mindedness I once used to pursue drinking and drugs." p. 287
I know now that the awful pain of my past break ups - especially those where "he" left me - had less to do with the loss of those men and more to do with the washed-out bridge between me and me." p. 290
"It kept me stuck, casting myself in the role of Unbeloved Daughter - the one who doesn't get what she needs, the one who is raged-at, hurt, and abused." p. 311
"On my way inside I marvel at the fact that I'm not even thinking about a man. I'm not trying to find one. I'm not trying to lost one. Which makes me think it's official: I no longer have daddy issues." p. 321
"But being the mother of a baby "guy" revealed certain things to me that have changed the way I relate to men." p. 325
"I had no compassion. I couldn't imagine that maybe the poor fellow had a mother who was scary, or emotionally unstable, or who let her anger fly out just anywhere. Or that maybe he had a dad who never thought he was enough. I just saw him as weak. I punished men for the power I had over them." p. 327
"Just to be with me, in the same space as me, breathing the same air and knowing I'm there, while we just... ride in peace... It's so much less complicated than I make it." p. 329
I have been trying to finish the book for years now, and I fall in and out of the mood for this book. The author is clearly smart, funny, and honest, yet I don't stay as interested. But there were some parts that were truly impactful that I've kept.
Almost half way through is when I got hooked.
Overall, I'm glad I read this book.
*Spoiler Alert*
Some Quotes I Found Interesting
"This makes me think that postpartum depression is when a mother has a baby and it "wakes up" that part of her that was unmothered or undermothered and thus is deeply, preverbally, achingly sad." pg 234
"I cry and cry. For the little girl who felt like something was just so wrong with her that she manifester her deepest belief about herself as this day, and this situation, and this man, who obviously believes the same thing about himself." p251
"It means I can also let go of being a victim. Because being a victim is a double-edged sword. You get to be right (and righteous), but then you're stuck there."
"The pain only happens - no, always happens - whenever I leave the absolute present, like the static that occurs when I click 105.6 or 105.8 instead of 105.7. One tick into the past or into the future, and it feels like I am being suffocated." p283
"The way the exact same pain is passed down from genereation to generation. My dad abandons me, then I choose a man with my dad's qualities, who then abandons me and my son. Now my son carries the same kind of hurt I carry, like he carries the gene that caused the gap between my two front teeth." 284
"I feel intuitively that Sam is picking up on all of the torment and self-hatred in this house - Paul loathes who he has become; I am startlingly thin. I have always believed that children transmit the unspoken and/or repressed thoughts and feelings in a household." p. 287
"Sam is showing me where my "love" affair has taken me, and its as bad as any drug addiction. The way I've stayed with Paul no matter what he's done - throught the lies and the insanity. If I look at Pauls as if he's a drug, it all makes perfect sense. I had to have it. I just had to have it.
In fact, I can look back on all of my relationships - the marriages, the men; the one I got, the ones I didn't get - and I see how I have pursued my love obsession with the same single-mindedness I once used to pursue drinking and drugs." p. 287
I know now that the awful pain of my past break ups - especially those where "he" left me - had less to do with the loss of those men and more to do with the washed-out bridge between me and me." p. 290
"It kept me stuck, casting myself in the role of Unbeloved Daughter - the one who doesn't get what she needs, the one who is raged-at, hurt, and abused." p. 311
"On my way inside I marvel at the fact that I'm not even thinking about a man. I'm not trying to find one. I'm not trying to lost one. Which makes me think it's official: I no longer have daddy issues." p. 321
"But being the mother of a baby "guy" revealed certain things to me that have changed the way I relate to men." p. 325
"I had no compassion. I couldn't imagine that maybe the poor fellow had a mother who was scary, or emotionally unstable, or who let her anger fly out just anywhere. Or that maybe he had a dad who never thought he was enough. I just saw him as weak. I punished men for the power I had over them." p. 327
"Just to be with me, in the same space as me, breathing the same air and knowing I'm there, while we just... ride in peace... It's so much less complicated than I make it." p. 329
Read
April 27, 2020I couldn't finish. Interesting anecdotes, but all the back and forth in time made it to disconnected for me.
August 20, 2014
A fan of the memoir, I discovered this latest read, I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway, while perusing the shelves at Horizontal Books in Cleveland, Ohio. Tracy McMillan writes with honesty as she details her childhood dysfunction and its lasting effects which reach into her adulthood especially in her relations with men.
mcmillan
What drew me in as a reader were her thought processes from the perspective of her childhood self as well as her adult self intermingled with one another within a single chapter. The weight of what McMillan had to endure as a little girl resulted in my taking numerous breathers from the reading. Born to a father who was a pimp/drug dealer and a mother who worked as a prostitute, McMillan finally found some normalcy at the hands of Gene and June Ericson, her foster parents, for four and a half years. Then, she was uprooted from this home only to live with her father and his girlfriend until his return to prison. Her parenting then fell into the hands of her father’s girlfriend turned wife, Yvonne.
As an adult and reflecting on her current relationship with her stepmother which is pretty much nonexistent, McMillan writes:
I feel a twinge of sadness, not because I wish that we were going to be a part of each other’s lives- I don’t see a life of merry Christmases and summer vacations with Yvonne- but there’s a part of me that loves a happy ending, and as endings go, this one isn’t happy. It’s just okay. . . . on second thought, an okay ending will do just fine. (312)
This is just one of many sympathetic introspections the author engages in throughout the memoir resulting in a resolution of profound thought.
Furthermore, in dealing with her son who questions McMillan as to why she divorced her third husband, McMillan takes full ownership of her role as parent, “I know my choices have affected you, honey. I’m so, so sorry. . . .We can make it count for something” (333), and responsibility to stop the cycles of dysfunction.
If reading I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway for book club, perhaps a trip to Paris (where McMillan and her son commenced a fresh start) for discussion will fit into everyone’s schedule. If not in the budget, then perhaps coffee to mirror how McMillan not only starts her day, but how this beverage makes an appearance during many of McMillan’s life-changing events.
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