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A Better Way of Dying: How to Make the Best Choices at the End of Life
The fail-safe plan for ensuring one's final wishes are respected
Advanced directives and living wills have improved our ability to dictate end-of-life care, but even these cannot guarantee that we will be allowed the dignity of a natural death. Designed by two sisters-one a doctor, one a lawyer-and drawing on their decades of experience, the five-step Compassion Protocol outlined in A Better Way of Dying offers a simple and effective framework for leaving caretakers concrete, unambiguous, and legally binding instructions about your wishes for your last days. Meant for people in every walk of life-from the elderly, to those in the early stages of mentally degenerative diseases like Alzheimer's, to healthy young people planning for an unpredictable future-this book creates space for a discussion we all must have if we wish to ensure comfort and control at the end of our lives..
Advanced directives and living wills have improved our ability to dictate end-of-life care, but even these cannot guarantee that we will be allowed the dignity of a natural death. Designed by two sisters-one a doctor, one a lawyer-and drawing on their decades of experience, the five-step Compassion Protocol outlined in A Better Way of Dying offers a simple and effective framework for leaving caretakers concrete, unambiguous, and legally binding instructions about your wishes for your last days. Meant for people in every walk of life-from the elderly, to those in the early stages of mentally degenerative diseases like Alzheimer's, to healthy young people planning for an unpredictable future-this book creates space for a discussion we all must have if we wish to ensure comfort and control at the end of our lives..
- GenresNonfiction
222 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2010
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124 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
October 24, 2013
Everyone, and I mean *everyone*, should read and heed this book. I'm fortunate to be among a group of six women who are committed to working through the Compassionate Protocol process. Together we'll explore the questions and options, support each other as we discuss our decisions with our families, do the paperwork, and sign the forms in front of a video camera.
Highest recommendations.
Highest recommendations.
November 21, 2012
Read this BEFORE you get in a life-threatening accident or get a terminal disease or get Alzheimer's and have no control over your health care decisions. To clear up ambiguities over end-of-life care, the authors advise putting together a one-page "Contract for Compassionate Care" that "gives you the option to choose a natural death" by delineating what care should be withheld-including hospitalization, antibiotics, usual medications, and hydration/nutrition. The authors outline a practical Compassion Protocol for creating the contract, which prioritizes communication with loved ones and health care professionals.
My father and I each completed a "Contract for Compassionate Care."
My father and I each completed a "Contract for Compassionate Care."
August 8, 2014
I just printed out two copies of the contract for compassionate care for Raul and I. It is becoming more apparent to me now that as uncomfortable as it may be to think about becoming really sick or dying unexpectedly, my daughter is going to need some help and guidance after we are gone. I am glad that I read this book today.
December 14, 2015
I've checked out a lot of books on cancer and making good end of life choices in the past year. I skim them, first, to see if they've got the information I need at this time. I'm looking for answers right now, not building a database for my own future, though I suppose I'm inadvertently doing that, as well. I give a lot of them back, unread. This one was good enough to finish.
The first half of the book was the most helpful to me, the stories of patients whose requests for death were not honored and the impact well-meaning family had on their dying loved one's end of life experiences helped me understand the issue from beyond my own perspective.
The second half of the book, the How To Make Sure Your End Of Life Wishes Are Honored part, was not as strong; it jumbled about, jumping ahead in some areas and being confusing in others. Also, it was intended more for people planning their deaths and less for those watching someone die. I mean, it's still for both parties, but it's aimed directly at the former while hoping to guide the latter. I didn't feel guided, though it was good, if not well-organized, information to read.
I've been put in place as my mother's advocate. She's doing so much better than expected since she's received her diagnosis but that doesn't mean she's going to be around a long time, just longer than we'd originally thought.
In the beginning, we - her husband, children, friends - were all on one side, the Save Her! side, and she was on the other, the Just Let Me Die side. We didn't just let her die and I think she now appreciates that because we've all been able to say our goodbyes, put our problems to rest, all the things you wish you could have done after someone is gone.
The thing is, though, is that it's going to get bad again and she is going to die and that's going to come sooner than later. This is the book that moved me from Our Side to Her Side. On Death and Dying had opened the door to those unpopular thoughts years ago, but it's different when it's your mom and she's only 61 (she's 62 now! She made it to 62!), ya know? The Order of the Good Death has helped immensely, too. I've never been uncomfortable with death, anyhow, and it's nice to finally hear other people saying it's not a scary thing, not something we need to euphemize and make more palatable. I know what I hope to get from my death. I'm ready for it (well, not really, I do need to draw up a legally-binding will) and that's good.
I wasn't ready for my mom's death, though, even as often as I'd wished for just that for much of my teenagehood through late-twenties That's where this book came in. It helped me feel compassion for my mom and what she is going through instead of filtering her story solely through my point of view.
After I started reading this, I became the one who goes to the oncologist appointments and asks for clarification and fights with the doctor over treatment. I am now the one who stands up to my step-dad and demands in-home hospice care when the time comes. I am the one who will fight against the family, if necessary, when it's time for her to die because this book helped me to understand that she gets to die the way she wants.
I think my sister will soon be joining us on this side, too. We're winning her over. I just need to get her to read this book.
The first half of the book was the most helpful to me, the stories of patients whose requests for death were not honored and the impact well-meaning family had on their dying loved one's end of life experiences helped me understand the issue from beyond my own perspective.
The second half of the book, the How To Make Sure Your End Of Life Wishes Are Honored part, was not as strong; it jumbled about, jumping ahead in some areas and being confusing in others. Also, it was intended more for people planning their deaths and less for those watching someone die. I mean, it's still for both parties, but it's aimed directly at the former while hoping to guide the latter. I didn't feel guided, though it was good, if not well-organized, information to read.
I've been put in place as my mother's advocate. She's doing so much better than expected since she's received her diagnosis but that doesn't mean she's going to be around a long time, just longer than we'd originally thought.
In the beginning, we - her husband, children, friends - were all on one side, the Save Her! side, and she was on the other, the Just Let Me Die side. We didn't just let her die and I think she now appreciates that because we've all been able to say our goodbyes, put our problems to rest, all the things you wish you could have done after someone is gone.
The thing is, though, is that it's going to get bad again and she is going to die and that's going to come sooner than later. This is the book that moved me from Our Side to Her Side. On Death and Dying had opened the door to those unpopular thoughts years ago, but it's different when it's your mom and she's only 61 (she's 62 now! She made it to 62!), ya know? The Order of the Good Death has helped immensely, too. I've never been uncomfortable with death, anyhow, and it's nice to finally hear other people saying it's not a scary thing, not something we need to euphemize and make more palatable. I know what I hope to get from my death. I'm ready for it (well, not really, I do need to draw up a legally-binding will) and that's good.
I wasn't ready for my mom's death, though, even as often as I'd wished for just that for much of my teenagehood through late-twenties That's where this book came in. It helped me feel compassion for my mom and what she is going through instead of filtering her story solely through my point of view.
After I started reading this, I became the one who goes to the oncologist appointments and asks for clarification and fights with the doctor over treatment. I am now the one who stands up to my step-dad and demands in-home hospice care when the time comes. I am the one who will fight against the family, if necessary, when it's time for her to die because this book helped me to understand that she gets to die the way she wants.
I think my sister will soon be joining us on this side, too. We're winning her over. I just need to get her to read this book.
March 22, 2012
Sisters Jeanne and Eileen Fitzpatrick, one a medical doctor and one an attorney, share stories ranging from heartbreaking to uplifting of deaths and attendant legal battles they have witnessed in their work. Based on insights gained through these experiences, they have envisioned and structured a Compassion Protocol, a better way of dying.
The Compassion Protocol is designed as a means of allowing individuals to maintain control of the circumstances of their last days and choose a natural death. While primarily targeted toward the mentally competent elderly, the terminally ill, and those facing the irreversible deterioration of Alzheimer's Disease, the plan can be arranged for future implementation by anyone at any stage of life. The foundational premise of this protocol is that every person has the right to choose a natural death, by refusing or discontinuing interventive measures which circumvent potential "exit events," such as cardiac arrest, stroke, or infection, opting instead for comfort care only.
Comments
The Compassion Protocol does NOT in any way promote or suggest assisted/enabled suicide; its intent is simply to allow death to occur naturally sooner rather than later, opting out of "heroic measures" which often only prolong existence and multiply expense without restoring any quality of life. The book includes much thoughtful discussion, as well as structured reflection exercises to help readers understand their options and make informed decisions.
The Compassion Protocol is designed as a means of allowing individuals to maintain control of the circumstances of their last days and choose a natural death. While primarily targeted toward the mentally competent elderly, the terminally ill, and those facing the irreversible deterioration of Alzheimer's Disease, the plan can be arranged for future implementation by anyone at any stage of life. The foundational premise of this protocol is that every person has the right to choose a natural death, by refusing or discontinuing interventive measures which circumvent potential "exit events," such as cardiac arrest, stroke, or infection, opting instead for comfort care only.
Comments
The Compassion Protocol does NOT in any way promote or suggest assisted/enabled suicide; its intent is simply to allow death to occur naturally sooner rather than later, opting out of "heroic measures" which often only prolong existence and multiply expense without restoring any quality of life. The book includes much thoughtful discussion, as well as structured reflection exercises to help readers understand their options and make informed decisions.
October 24, 2012
This is a truly excellent book written by two sisters, a doctor and a lawyer. It guides readers on how to communicate their wishes about end of life care to doctors and loved ones. The authors emphasizes natural death and embracing "exit events" by rejecting treatment when we are at the point in life when our bodies have declined so much that we do not wish to unnecessarily prolong life. The book includes a "Form for Compassionate Care" to fill out with loved ones and your doctor. Several cases are discussed to illuminate how important it is to have a plan for dying. Everyone should read this book.
November 8, 2014
This is a book everyone, regardless of age, should read. Describes as "The fail-safe plan for ensuring one's final wishes are respected." It explains why a Living Will does not cover all events and discusses natural death. It also includes a Compassionate Care Protocol to ensure that your wishes are met. Tough topic but applies to us all.
March 26, 2011
A great book about letting people die with dignity and planning for your own death. Super duo of authors--they are sisters, one is a doctor and one is a lawyer. Their combined knowledge and experience is very helpful!
Thanks to Rick K. for the recommendation.
Thanks to Rick K. for the recommendation.
May 10, 2011
Thank you Fitzpatrick sisters for writing this book and making us all think about end of life issues in a compassionate, realistic way and plan for exactly what we want or don't want as our medical treatment in those last days.
Everyone should read it!
May 24, 2010
I learned that I can make decisions about the end of life and that I need to do it now to save my family from having to make those decisions for me.
July 18, 2011
An excellent read for everyone....because this is a subject that touches everyone. This book delves into the difficult decisions we all have to make and puts things into step by step perspective.
June 27, 2014
Excellent! Comfort Care is definitely something I want in my future. Now I know how to make sure this happens. I have recommended this book to friends and family.
October 11, 2024
There is another tagline on this book cover: Why your living will is not enough. Medical doctor and attorney sisters combine their experiences and wisdom in this 2010 book arguing not only for POLSTs and MOLSTs (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment and Medical Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment) but also a Contract for Compassionate Care. The book is older (by nine years) than Katy Butler's "The Art of Dying Well" and comes more directly at the issues around dying itself. The Fitzpatricks group their chapters by the competent elderly, terminally ill and those with Alzheimer's dementia, while Butler's book takes us along various stages of aging toward increasing fraility. Together they make a good combination. (I am aging and not near death, but I hope with a bit of study and prep to make things easier for myself and those I love.)
August 22, 2020
One of the most important books I ever read. I am 86 years old and will certainly fill out the Compassionate Care Contract and follow their advice to discuss all my desires with my doctor, my family and my health care decision makers. With modern medicine, we can keep people alive far longer than they want. This book tell you clearly how to control your end yourself in a way that is totally legal and makes a great deal of sense. Thanks to the two Fitzpatrick sisters who are the authors.
July 10, 2017
An excellent book by a mother (physician)/daughter (lawyer) team on end of life issues and how to prepare for it so your wishes are carried out. goes beyond just a living will and patient advocate. Covers how to deal with Alzeimer's/dementia and non/fatal, just getting really old issues which are often not covered by those things. Something everyone should prepare.
November 30, 2023
Very repetitive but with necessary perspective and information. It’s weird to read and think of how you’ll gift it to people you love in your life. Like, “Here you should really read this! Enjoy!” All kidding aside, this is a good read on prolonging life and how to secure your personal wishes of most situations of terminal illness.
February 11, 2025
This is a thoughtful, eye opening book that I truly believe all people should read. So often people are afraid or it’s taboo to talk about death. This book helps you feel more in control of the inevitable process of death. I feel more knowledgeable, prepared and compassion over the real-life examples that helped me grasp the importance of building an understanding with others of future plans.
December 13, 2019
Lots of good advice for everyone in this book. And it is repeated over and over 😀. Many people are filling out POLST and Advance Directive forms, they should be aware of the Compassion Protocol form also.
April 19, 2018
Great tools and advice on preparing for end of life care.
November 3, 2019
Although somewhat dated (published in 2010), still a helpful and insightful book advocating natural death.
March 10, 2017
Good, basic info plus real-life end of life accounts. Offers talking points for conversations within families and with health care professionals. In the past six years there have been changes in many states to offer what Oregon had in place at the time this book was published. Kudos to Oregon for showing the rest of us the way. Kudos for this well-written book.
July 1, 2010
Sisters Jeanne and Eileen Fitzpatrick, one a medical doctor and one an attorney, share stories ranging from heartbreaking to uplifting of deaths and attendant legal battles they have witnessed in their work. Based on insights gained through these experiences, they have envisioned and structured a Compassion Protocol, a better way of dying.
The Compassion Protocol is designed as a means of allowing individuals to maintain control of the circumstances of their last days and choose a natural death. While primarily targeted toward the mentally competent elderly, the terminally ill, and those facing the irreversible deterioration of Alzheimer's Disease, the plan can be arranged for future implementation by anyone at any stage of life. The foundational premise of this protocol is that every person has the right to choose a natural death, by refusing or discontinuing interventive measures which circumvent potential "exit events," such as cardiac arrest, stroke, or infection, opting instead for comfort care only.
The Compassion Protocol does NOT in any way promote or suggest assisted/enabled suicide; its intent is simply to allow death to occur naturally sooner rather than later, opting out of "heroic measures" which often only prolong existence and multiply expense without restoring any quality of life. The book includes much thoughtful discussion, as well as structured reflection exercises to help readers understand their options and make informed decisions.
The Compassion Protocol is designed as a means of allowing individuals to maintain control of the circumstances of their last days and choose a natural death. While primarily targeted toward the mentally competent elderly, the terminally ill, and those facing the irreversible deterioration of Alzheimer's Disease, the plan can be arranged for future implementation by anyone at any stage of life. The foundational premise of this protocol is that every person has the right to choose a natural death, by refusing or discontinuing interventive measures which circumvent potential "exit events," such as cardiac arrest, stroke, or infection, opting instead for comfort care only.
The Compassion Protocol does NOT in any way promote or suggest assisted/enabled suicide; its intent is simply to allow death to occur naturally sooner rather than later, opting out of "heroic measures" which often only prolong existence and multiply expense without restoring any quality of life. The book includes much thoughtful discussion, as well as structured reflection exercises to help readers understand their options and make informed decisions.
April 24, 2015
SIsters Jeane and Eileen Fitzpatrick offer great insight into how communicate with your family and doctor about the kind of end-of-care you desire. Too often, terminally ill patients linger in ICU, having what some consider “life-saving” measures performed upon them when these interventions serve no purpose but to delay the dying process. Why advocate for “compassionate care”’ and walk the reader through the various situations and medical conditions where this kind of preparation is the most necessary.
November 11, 2014
Good book about choices for the end of life. How to legally die a natural death instead of dragging it out. Slightly different than advance directives used now.
May 23, 2016
I appreciated the information found within this book. It was intelligently written and the stories really impacted me.
September 11, 2017
This book had some great information at the end, included an actual sample Advance Health Care Directive. Although titled "Contract for Compassionate Care", it does mirror many state Advance Health Care or Medical Power of Attorney forms.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews