Three Bedrooms, Two Baths, One Very Dead Corpse

Amanda Thorne Mysteries #1

by David James

Location, location, location. Like any realtor worth her designer sling-backs, Amanda Thorne knows the golden rule of selling homes. Unless, of course, the prime property includes one very dead corpse…

Amanda is pretty resilient, but she’s taken a few hard knocks since she moved to plush Palm Springs. After a divorce from her husband and business partner, Alex, she’s determined to make it on her own in real estate—despite scorpions, 100-degree heat, and an encounter with a cactus en route to her first big listing. And when she finally arrives at the Mid-century modern manse, a lifeless body in the living room really ruins the ambiance.

Amid the shattered Eames surfboard table and vintage glassware lies local environmentalist Doc Winters, his mouth stuffed full of rocks. Since Doc’s main cause was opposing development in the pristine, tremendously valuable Chino Cone mountains, every realtor in town is suspect.

So Amanda embarks on her own investigation. With the help of Alex—who it turns out is gay but still her Best Friend Forever—her red-hot geriatric neighbor, Regina, and the reluctant cooperation of dishy Detective Ken Becker, she sets out to unravel the truth.

After a fellow real estate agent is murdered, some pissed-off Black Widow spiders planted in her car, and a body found floating in her pool, it’s clear someone wants Amanda’s inquiring mind off the market—permanently. But she’s tracking down this killer…even if it leads her to death’s handcrafted, Mission style door.

Genres: Mystery, Cozy Mystery, Fiction

268 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Mildly celebrated author, David James divides his time between L.A. and Palm Springs handling sales of mid-century and modern homes by day, while working on spec TV scripts at night. He is extremely accomplished at folding fitted sheets.

aka David Stukas

Reviews

[Dianne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Plot line was believable but the heroine's emotional responses and attitude towards men/sex fell a bit flat and slightly askew. Obvious author was a man. Perhaps he shouldn't have tried to write in first person as female?

[Grey853 · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had a very difficult time with this book. The crude language and voice were just plain nasty and not the least bit attractive. I know that some women talk like sailors and are mean bitches, but they don't usually narrate cozy mysteries. Some male authors can write female voice very well, but others can't. This is a perfect example of one who can't, at least not convincingly for me.

I wanted to like the book because the premise of a woman whose ex-husband is gay and is still her best friend was intriguing. However, the book and characters were just plain unappealing. It's not a fun read when you're mentally ranting at the foolishness in a story.

[James Garman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amanda Thorne is a real estate agent in Palm Springs, a fairly successful one. However, there have been some recent changes in her life. For one thing, she has moved from Michigan to Palm Springs with her husband, after traveling to all sorts of exotic locations. Her marriage is now over, however, because her husband, Alex, has come out as gay. They are still the best of friends and are both trying to move on.

This book is the often hilarious story of getting a great new listing, and having a dead body show up on her just staged house for sale. It turns out to be an eco-activist that has been trying to stop land developers and realtors from destroying the surrounding hills and desert and destroying the actual reason for people to come there.

Everything seems to happen to poor Amanda, starting with the morning when she is trying to have a house showing and finds the body. But she continues to push through and even work to find out who actually killed the guy. With Alex, her former husband, and her new possible love interest, Ken Becker, that is exactly what they manage to do.

The end is a shocker as would be the case with any good mystery, and with the humor involved, I certainly find myself wanting to read the next in the series.

[Annie · Rating 1 out of 5]

The idea is great - but the protagonist, a female real estate agent, divorced from her gay husband whom she dearly loves, is so potty mouthed it becomes offensive after the first few pages. I kept on in hopes, but when I got to the part where she complains about another person's potty mouth, I managed not to throw up before closing the book.

[Mis McT · Rating 1 out of 5]

It had a great plot to start, but just didn't catch me.

[Mike Briggs · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first chapter is funny with at least two mild chuckles that escaped from my lips. That chapter was also long and hyper. I had to go take a nap before continuing, and I do not take naps.

Amanda Thorne is a woman of obsessions and repeated mention of low confidence. A successful real estate agent before she meet, married, and partnered up with the perfect man, Alex, she loses her confidence after they divorce. The book begins with Amanda attempting to land a major listing. To show she still has it, still can be successful.

She lands the listing, but before she makes a sale, a dead body turns up in the house. For someone obsessed with getting back on top in real estate, she sure spends a lot of time distracted from that goal. Distracted by trying to solve the murder herself (with ex husbands help). Distracted by the thought that everyone is laughing at her because her ex turned out to be gay. And for someone needing to show she can do it on her own, she sure did leap at the chance to partner up again, in the business sense, with her gay ex husband.

That is one of Amanda's obsessions. Examining each person to see if they might be gay. Obsessed also with religion. Every encounter seems to have to go through the religion test. Or at least some memory of her horrible religious parents. But hey, that's ok, she herself isn't religious. Or something like that.

A catty, crude (one more image of turds, and how the woman opposite her smiled like she was passing an especially large one, and my head would explode), always joking older woman who kind of comes across as a catty gay man.

A hyperactive novel, overwhelmed by the constant one-liners. Some genuinely funny moments. Somewhat tiring book from the need for the one liners, the obsession with religion, sex, gayness, etc.

I'd recommend trying the book. Somewhat reluctant recommendation.

[Diane A · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although one would think this is a cozy mystery, and in some ways it is; however, the language is not the usual for that genre. While I have no problem with occasional swear words, crass words, or tough-guy talk, I have no use for constant f-words and definitely not the c-word, that is just really insulting to any woman. If you can get past this caveat, then it's a decent mystery.

[Mary (Biblophile) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought this was a cozy mystery, but I was sadly mistaken. Crass, four-letter speech throughout the first couple chapters. Didn't finish due to crude language and rambling passages. Don't waste your time.

[Kara Rutledge · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three Bedrooms, Two Baths, One Very Dead Corpse (Amanda Thorne Mysteries, #1) by David James takes place in Palm Springs, California. Realtor Amanda Thorne is having the worst morning. Her car won't start, so she decides to ride her bike to her showing, only to crash into a cactus. Her day gets worse when she finally arrives at her listing to find a dead body in the house.
This book, although entertaining enough, fell a bit flat for me. I liked the book well enough to continue reading to find out what would happen. However, there were quite a few things that bothered me.

Amanda Thorne's responses to certain situations were a bit of a stretch in believability as she was overly dramatic and emotional. I feel like the main character shouldn't have been written from a woman's perspective. On top of that, the amount of cursing in Three Bedrooms, Two Baths, One Very Dead Corpse was over the top, which typically doesn't bother me. However, I felt like it could have been done better. I didn't care for the way the Lithuanian grandmother was written or the obvious disdain for people who were into new age practices.

Despite my complaints, I will give David James another chance and read the next book in the series. I gave Three Bedrooms, Two Baths, One Very Dead Corpse (Amanda Thorne Mysteries, #1) 2.5 stars out of 5 stars but rounded it up to 3 stars on Goodreads.com. If you enjoyed this book, I recommend The Bounty (Fox and O'Hare, #7) by Janet Evanovich and Steve Hamilton.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Set in Palm Springs there is no shortage of potential suspects when a local environmentalist who was vocal in his opposition to land development is found murdered in a house that realtor Amanda Thorne has just readied for an open house. When Amanda and her ex husband/best friend Alex begin trying to solve the murder themselves, bad things begin happening to her and her home.

I found Amanda's language and humor crude, and it got old after awhile. An occasional potty mouth OK, but over and over, no. The story is told through Amanda's voice but the author is a male and maybe that's the problem.

I did find this little exchange humorous, especially given the book was published in 2010, before DT was elected President: One of the characters, suspected of murder is a real estate developer named Marvin. Another character is describing Marvin; "So he's kinda like Nixon, Hitler, and Donald Trump all rolled into one? " "Right. Maybe throw in a little Mussolini...the guy's a porker. Amanda?" "Yes, Jimmy?" "Why do you want to know all this? You got a big deal going on with him? Watch yourself...when you deal with this guy, Marvin is the only one who wins." I expected to see the book was recent but no, 2010.

I don't plan to read the 2nd book in the series.

[Kcaroth1 · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was pretty excited to have won this title as an early reviewer but after several failed attempts, I found that I just couldn't get through it.
The characters are completely flat and there is little that is compelling about them. Overall, the real estate agent felt like someone who had almost no personality except for forced "witty" banter. Typically I can enjoy that in a mystery but it didn't ring true, more like every couple of lines there was an "insert snarky/witty statement here" in the story outline. That said, there were a few comments that were very funny.
The plot is boring and needed much more development. Often times cozy mysteries don't have a strong mystery but this can be overlooked because the characters and other parts of the story are strong. That just wasn't the case here, and unfortunately, I can't recommend it.

[reonna :) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quarantine Book #3:

This book was okay. I wholeheartedly agree with the reviews pointing out that you can certainly tell a man wrote this. Very unrealistic. I didn’t mind the whole cursing but her language towards certain things was just vulgar.

I liked the plot. That’s about it. I had never read a realtor related book so that was nice. The characters, well, each had something wrong with them.

I don’t really know how to explain this book other then you just have to read it.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Palm Springs, California realtor Amanda Thorne is shocked to find a dead body at her most recent listing, although the detective on the scene is intriguing. In order to take herself off the suspect list, Amanda and her best friend, Alex, who also happens to be her ex-husband, do some investigating of their own. Amanda also gets some help from her eccentric neighbor, Regina.

The language is pretty raw in this book, but there are some humorous moments, as well.

[Danielle Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the story was hysterical, and other parts were all over the place. I'm not a prude to any degree but the overwhelming crude and crass d*ck stories, innuendos ect.. were a bit too over the top for me. Amanda's obsession (and I mean OBSESSION) with her gay ex is just odd. I'm not sorry I read this book, but I'm probably not going to read the next one.

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this mystery, but it just fell flat on so many levels. The mystery was fine, but almost everything else was lacking one thing or another. The characters are one dimensional, the main character is annoying, and the writing style just isn't my cup of tea.

[Merry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very funny light entertainment...
I could envision this as a funny movie or a series. It is light-hearted with enjoyable characters.

[Cheryl · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was a little too silly. Some very funny moments, but it all went on too long.

[Randy Raetz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Some parts not very believeable, but a good book.

[Maggye · Rating 3 out of 5]

To confusing for my taste kinda felt all over the place.

[Lynne · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was terrible. Do not read it.

[Ash · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I could rate it zero stars i WOULD. this book was bad. I got to page 30 before I gave up. absolutely terrible.

[Julie Krumpter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a book for those easily offended by vulgarity, but a quick, easy, light hearted read in the spirit of Janet Evanovich (my opinion).

[Brenda Mcaleer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Did not finish. Too much crudness abd foul language for me. I need a few more story for all of that.

[Josee · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have ever read. It helped me fall in love with reading which is the greatest gift it could have gave me.

[Sher · Rating 1 out of 5]

Zero-stars. Awful, ignorant protagonist surrounded by awful, ignorant people living in a cesspool. To top it off, awkward dialogue drags out this sludge of a plot.

[Charlie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Tried to hard to be humorous and madcap.

[Megan · Rating 1 out of 5]

The main character Amanda, was not relatable, or even realistic. I felt like her actions and thoughts were exactly what a straight chauvinistic man would imagine a woman to act/think. Her internal dialog felt unnatural and excessively vulgar. It just didn't make sense.

[Verity W · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok so a bit of a weird one this. I can’t work out if I liked it or not, so I’ll read another one to make sure!

[Cathy Cole · Rating 3 out of 5]

First Line: "...and by morning I had a yeast infection that you wouldn't believe!"

Divorced from her husband and business partner, Amanda Thorne is determined to become a success in the Palm Springs, California, real estate market, even if it means being forced to deal with impossible clients who love to give her details about their yeast infections. Thanks to many celebrities like Frank Sinatra and his "Rat Pack," Mid-Century Modern architecture is big in Palm Springs, and Amanda has just the mansion to reel in potential buyers. Problem is, when she arrives to conduct an open house for the area realtors, there's a dead body in the living room. Not the best way to show a house. Handsome Detective Ken Becker seems willing to put up with a bit of Amanda's sleuthing, but when a fellow real estate agent is murdered and strange things begin happening to Amanda herself, it's obvious that a killer is wanting to take her off the market.

This cozy seeks to push the envelope a bit with some uneven results. If you're the type of person who doesn't care for raunchy language, you may want to give this book a pass. In fact there's a time or two that the language goes beyond raunchy-- needlessly using a word that rhymes with "runt." However, even though the use of the last word I mentioned was completely gratuitous and detracted from the book's many good points, I did enjoy David James' mystery.

I enjoyed the humor in this book and James' talent for description. Amanda is a funny, slightly accident-prone woman who's still devastated from learning that the soulmate she was married to is gay. Once we get to know Alex, it's completely understandable why she would be. The detective in charge of the investigation trades one-liners with her, which is a refreshing change from the more usual bumbling, ill-tempered law enforcement officers we meet in cozies. Alex, the ex-husband, helps Amanda in her investigation, and although I really liked him, part of my mind felt as though he was just too good to be true. Next-door neighbor Regina the gossip magnet rounds out the list of my favorite characters.

Another facet of the book that I enjoyed was the glimpse into the Palm Springs real estate market. The insights into the surroundings, the climate, and the architecture are very interesting and add a great deal to the book.

As a whole, there is much to like about Three Bedrooms, Two Baths, One Very Dead Corpse. I'm looking forward to reading another book in the series to see if the cast of characters keeps making me laugh... and to see if the author has found a more appetizing way of pushing that envelope.

[Simon Mcleish · Rating 2 out of 5]

I debated about giving two or three stars to this book, which has some good points despite serious flaws.

It is a comic crime thriller which centres around the world of buying and selling upmarket houses in Palm Springs. The US housing market works rather differently from that of the UK, so I'm not all that familiar with the way things work, and the use of a realtor as investigator gives opportunities for places where bodies can be found (empty houses) and for the main character to use the people side of her job to talk to people about the crime.

The main character, Amanda Thorne, is one of the main problems with the book. It is narrated in her voice, and David James portrayal of a female character is not entirely convincing. She is given a rather neurotic voice, and one with considerable use of bad language - not something which I personally have a huge problem with, but which may well put some readers off. She seems to almost wallow in self pity in places, as she describes bad things which happened to her in the past (mostly transparent and not very successful attempts to bring humour to the novel) pretty much incessantly.

Other characters are also problematic, especially her ex-husband, who is too perfect to be true to life - his only flaw, and the reason for being her ex, being that he is gay. The new man she meets, the policeman assigned to investigate the murder of the body found in one of her properties, is very like him too. While this may be why she likes him so much, and while it may be an attempt to portray how people idealise those in their life they like, they are too similar to each other for the personal side of the plot to really mean anything to the reader.

Finally, I found the solution to the mystery, while convincing, to be insufficiently prepared and so unsatisfying. To base this on a major discovery about the life of the victim which is only revealed in the last ten pages or so may be true to the way murder investigations work in the real world, but it is not great as fiction.