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To your hard to live a delicate (2007) ISBN: 4062141027 [Japanese Import]
It's just a matter of genetics: About one in every twenty of us has a neurological system that is especially acute and finely tuned. On one hand, it's a great gift. It makes the world seem richer, more subtle, more infinite in variety to these folks. On the other, it makes these highly sensitive people (HSPs) more easily disturbed by bright lights, loud noises, strong scents, and the chaos that the less sensitive among us take for granted. In her breakaway book The Highly Sensitive Person, psychologist Elaine Aron defined this common condition. Author Ted Zeff offers practical tips for making the most of your heightened sensitivity in his first book, The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide. Now he presents a daily companion of tips, tricks, and exercises you can use to find the inner peace you need to enjoy and thrive with your heightened sensitivity.
Each chapter of the book addresses overstimulation as it occurs in a specific aspect of life: scheduling, diet, exercise, relationships, and more. Engaging examples and workbook-style exercises help you modify your lifestyle in easy-to-follow, seven-day programs. With Zeff's first book on hand for emergency sensitivity management and the techniques in this book for steady, progressive improvement, you'll be ready to get out and start enjoying a whole world of dazzling sensation.
Each chapter of the book addresses overstimulation as it occurs in a specific aspect of life: scheduling, diet, exercise, relationships, and more. Engaging examples and workbook-style exercises help you modify your lifestyle in easy-to-follow, seven-day programs. With Zeff's first book on hand for emergency sensitivity management and the techniques in this book for steady, progressive improvement, you'll be ready to get out and start enjoying a whole world of dazzling sensation.
Tankobon Softcover
First published March 1, 2007
35 people are currently reading
282 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
October 26, 2012
This book is divided into 52 weekly exercises under multiple categories. Unfortunately, a week or so after I read it I can't even remember what the categories are because that's how much of an impact they had on me. Around 80% of the exercises are meditation exercises. Having already learnt similar elsewhere, they were of no interest to me. The others are mainly incredibly obvious and simple or impractical (Do you find a certain environment too noisy? Leave and go to a quieter place!)
The problem with a lot of these self help books is that to have the resources to be able to write one, the author is usually extraordinarily privileged, yet not terribly aware of how that might make their lives differ from the lives of others. For instance, I have a baby, and can't make my entire life about me meditating during experiences I find unpleasant. We can't all go to bed at 8pm and still have time to eat fresh, organic food and exercise daily (only during the day, not at night because Zeff can't sleep at night when he does that), as well as read a pleasant, uplifting book and stare at our pleasant, uplifting pictures, not to mention meditate multiple times.
The problem with a lot of these self help books is that to have the resources to be able to write one, the author is usually extraordinarily privileged, yet not terribly aware of how that might make their lives differ from the lives of others. For instance, I have a baby, and can't make my entire life about me meditating during experiences I find unpleasant. We can't all go to bed at 8pm and still have time to eat fresh, organic food and exercise daily (only during the day, not at night because Zeff can't sleep at night when he does that), as well as read a pleasant, uplifting book and stare at our pleasant, uplifting pictures, not to mention meditate multiple times.
August 11, 2011
On the one hand, I think this book is helpful, and addresses some of my needs as an HSP. I'm tempted to recommend it to other HSPs (read: empaths and sensitives) that I know.
On the other hand, I get the impression that I wouldn't like this man very much. I don't think that I'd want to spend much time sitting and talking to him, and I'm having trouble reading parts of this book without wanting to just give up and chuck it across the room.
(I'm only on page 31)
I've been trying to figure out why it's bothering me so much, and if it's an unfair resistance to something that I'm going to have to eventually accept that I need to change, or if it's a valid complaint, and I'm starting to lean towards the later. A current example I'm facing is the following segments regarding evening routines and one's choice of entertainment and activities:
"Your evening activities should consist of calming endeavors such as reading uplifting books, writing, taking a bath or engaging in light discussions." (Zeff, 30)
"Paradoxically, when HSPs are in an out of balance state, they sometimes desire to be involved in activities that push them further off-center. Sometimes, when you internalize the Type A lifestyle, you may actually enjoy watching overstimulating television shows or getting into intense discussions late at night, regardless of what they do to your sleep schedule. However, as you begin meditating and living a more contemplative life, you will instinctively begin to desire more peaceful activities." (Zeff, 31)
The tone of the book's advice often takes an "all or nothing" approach to the problem of being an HSP. What's good for the proverbial goose (in this case, the author himself) is "obviously" good for the gander, and vice versa (bad for one = bad for the other). The specifications such as reading material needing to be "uplifting" or that television shows are by their very nature (for the most part, implied) "overstimulating" rankles me. I feel like he's petting my fur in the wrong direction. I've done experiments with a volt meter and various stimuli to see how I react to it - "agressive" music actually grounds and centers me. By the same token, I'm not just imagining that watching shows I like (most of which I'm sure the author would call 'overstimulating') relaxes me and allows my brain to let go of the stresses and tensors of the day. Certainly there are some shows that stimulate me in ways that aren't conducive to sleep (forget falling asleep immediately after an intense episode of BSG, for instance) but that is directly related to how emotionally involved *I* am with the characters, not with the content on it's surface. Crime shows and mysteries (both of which are singled out by the author numerous times) facilitate my relaxation, because I can follow the patterns and the logic and not get too wrapped up in what's going on.
Too much emphasis is put on *telling* the reader what "will" cause over-stimulation and what "will" stop it, and not enough emphasis is placed on teaching the reader how to identify the warning signs of over-stimulation and how to cope with and correct it. In other words, he tells us that something like loud, agressive music *will* be too stimulating for an HSP and that it is better to avoid that stimulus most of the time, rather than saying "if you are at a concert, and you start to react in certain ways, you may wish to counter that by doing x, y, or z." The overall message that I've come away with so far is that one should insulate one's self from stimulus as much as possible. While this may be a tactic that could work for some people, many of us aren't just tricking ourselves into "thinking" that we like stimulating things - we genuinely do like them. They genuinely bring us pleasure and happiness. A "contemplative" and "quiet" life isn't going to be right for everyone that happens to also be an HSP. It isn't going to make all of us happy. Some of us, it's going to bore to tears.
On the other hand, I get the impression that I wouldn't like this man very much. I don't think that I'd want to spend much time sitting and talking to him, and I'm having trouble reading parts of this book without wanting to just give up and chuck it across the room.
(I'm only on page 31)
I've been trying to figure out why it's bothering me so much, and if it's an unfair resistance to something that I'm going to have to eventually accept that I need to change, or if it's a valid complaint, and I'm starting to lean towards the later. A current example I'm facing is the following segments regarding evening routines and one's choice of entertainment and activities:
"Your evening activities should consist of calming endeavors such as reading uplifting books, writing, taking a bath or engaging in light discussions." (Zeff, 30)
"Paradoxically, when HSPs are in an out of balance state, they sometimes desire to be involved in activities that push them further off-center. Sometimes, when you internalize the Type A lifestyle, you may actually enjoy watching overstimulating television shows or getting into intense discussions late at night, regardless of what they do to your sleep schedule. However, as you begin meditating and living a more contemplative life, you will instinctively begin to desire more peaceful activities." (Zeff, 31)
The tone of the book's advice often takes an "all or nothing" approach to the problem of being an HSP. What's good for the proverbial goose (in this case, the author himself) is "obviously" good for the gander, and vice versa (bad for one = bad for the other). The specifications such as reading material needing to be "uplifting" or that television shows are by their very nature (for the most part, implied) "overstimulating" rankles me. I feel like he's petting my fur in the wrong direction. I've done experiments with a volt meter and various stimuli to see how I react to it - "agressive" music actually grounds and centers me. By the same token, I'm not just imagining that watching shows I like (most of which I'm sure the author would call 'overstimulating') relaxes me and allows my brain to let go of the stresses and tensors of the day. Certainly there are some shows that stimulate me in ways that aren't conducive to sleep (forget falling asleep immediately after an intense episode of BSG, for instance) but that is directly related to how emotionally involved *I* am with the characters, not with the content on it's surface. Crime shows and mysteries (both of which are singled out by the author numerous times) facilitate my relaxation, because I can follow the patterns and the logic and not get too wrapped up in what's going on.
Too much emphasis is put on *telling* the reader what "will" cause over-stimulation and what "will" stop it, and not enough emphasis is placed on teaching the reader how to identify the warning signs of over-stimulation and how to cope with and correct it. In other words, he tells us that something like loud, agressive music *will* be too stimulating for an HSP and that it is better to avoid that stimulus most of the time, rather than saying "if you are at a concert, and you start to react in certain ways, you may wish to counter that by doing x, y, or z." The overall message that I've come away with so far is that one should insulate one's self from stimulus as much as possible. While this may be a tactic that could work for some people, many of us aren't just tricking ourselves into "thinking" that we like stimulating things - we genuinely do like them. They genuinely bring us pleasure and happiness. A "contemplative" and "quiet" life isn't going to be right for everyone that happens to also be an HSP. It isn't going to make all of us happy. Some of us, it's going to bore to tears.
October 13, 2011
After reading "The Highly Sensitive Person," I was looking for some practical applications. Well, this is the book, however at times it seemed like the author was grasping at straws. It became an all-inclusive book to cover too many topics, and I came away with few things I would actually do.
August 9, 2016
Supertolles Buch mit klasse Tipps. Viele kannte ich schon bzw setz ich schon seit kurzer Zeit von alleine um (durch Erfahrungen und in mich hören), dadurch war das Buch schnell durch. Sollte ich mal diese Dinge vergessen ist es das erste Buch das ich mir schnappe, um mich zu erinnern :)
March 23, 2014
I have never read this book the way I was 'supposed to' - from cover to cover building up the advice over the weeks. Instead, whenever I am feeling particularly stressed, I flip through it and stop on the section(s) that catch my eye. I also tend not to take the suggestions, yes sometimes more 'orders' too seriously. I pick and choose as I like. Perhaps this is the reason that I did not have the same concerns as some of the other reviewers, or at least not at the same strength.
I find this book does offer some helpful advice to HSPs in negotiating a very non-HSP world. For example, I know that HSPs who have had trouble from absorbing other people's energy (including me) have found the meditation-shielding exercises helpful. Other suggestions on how to rearrange work spaces (when you are able to do so) etc. also contribute to the overall physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual health of HSPs.
Where I do have concerns, similar to some of the other reviewers, is in the all-or-nothing approach of the book. Zeff seems to assume that because a particular way works for him, it is necessary 'The Way' that HSPs 'ought to' do something. For example, because HSPs are supposed to not enjoy spicy foods, his suggested menu outlines meals that are about as favourable as I imagine are served in prisons - salad with olive oil?!? (Not even some herbs?). Personally, I enjoy foods with rich, complex flavours and feel that as an HSP I can enjoy them all the more - and suffer all the more from bland, boring meals. This book requires some recognition that having HSP trait in common does not equate to having everything in common.
Overall, this book is useful to HSPs, especially those who are just discovering and/or exploring this trait in themselves. However, I would gently suggest to the reader to not take the book as 'gospel on The HSP Way of Being in the World' but instead to go with what works and modify or ignore the rest to suit your individual, beautiful, HSP self.
I find this book does offer some helpful advice to HSPs in negotiating a very non-HSP world. For example, I know that HSPs who have had trouble from absorbing other people's energy (including me) have found the meditation-shielding exercises helpful. Other suggestions on how to rearrange work spaces (when you are able to do so) etc. also contribute to the overall physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual health of HSPs.
Where I do have concerns, similar to some of the other reviewers, is in the all-or-nothing approach of the book. Zeff seems to assume that because a particular way works for him, it is necessary 'The Way' that HSPs 'ought to' do something. For example, because HSPs are supposed to not enjoy spicy foods, his suggested menu outlines meals that are about as favourable as I imagine are served in prisons - salad with olive oil?!? (Not even some herbs?). Personally, I enjoy foods with rich, complex flavours and feel that as an HSP I can enjoy them all the more - and suffer all the more from bland, boring meals. This book requires some recognition that having HSP trait in common does not equate to having everything in common.
Overall, this book is useful to HSPs, especially those who are just discovering and/or exploring this trait in themselves. However, I would gently suggest to the reader to not take the book as 'gospel on The HSP Way of Being in the World' but instead to go with what works and modify or ignore the rest to suit your individual, beautiful, HSP self.
November 1, 2012
Am thinking that colic is a sign of a highly sensitive person. Some ideas to cope that sound like things I've identified over time, with new ideas added in. Good for those of us used to a country life and thrust into the nuttiness of suburbia.
January 28, 2013
This caught my eye at the library since I'd read The Highly Sensitive Person, but I quickly realized this is by a different author and ... well it was lame.
June 4, 2015
Nothing groundbreaking here.... Just little reminders to slow down and stay centered. Much of it seemed opinion-based.
July 24, 2023
I found this book at the library when I was struggling with overstimulation and anxiety issues daily. While I found parts of this book a bit outdated, or not particularly helpful for me, I discovered a lot of useful tactics to help me deal with my problems. I'm excited to also have discovered some new meditations to try. The first few chapters were most interesting to me and helped me think again about my sensitive nature and my negative thinking. This book was easy to read and I appreciated the scope of information the author presented. I read this in less than a month and wrote down the exercises I'd like to incorporate, instead of doing one exercise a week, as the book's intended to be used.
September 2, 2019
This one was all right. Some good ideas but perhaps not quite what I was hoping for. I didn't realize it was a companion book so I think I might like the other book more.
July 16, 2023
Some good suggestions. Helpful fir empathy and HSPs
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews