Lui mi ama

by Thóra Hjörleifsdóttir, Þóra Hjörleifsdóttir, Silvia Cosimini (Translator)

Lilja ha vent’anni ed è innamorata. Giovane studentessa universitaria, si è subito invaghita di un ragazzo più grande, intelligente e bellissimo, che cita Derrida, legge il latino e cucina pasti vegetariani perfettamente equilibrati. Ma che è anche un traditore seriale e un narcisista. Prima ancora di rendersene conto, Lilja si trasferisce nell’angusto appartamento dove lui vive con uno strano coinquilino, circondata da asciugamani sporchi e Diet Coke sgasate. Mentre la nuova intimità di condividere una doccia e un letto alimenta sempre di più il suo desiderio di compiacere il partner, a mano a mano che la loro relazione si sviluppa le manipolazioni silenziose e pervasive di lui diventano sempre più numerose, gli atti di abuso quasi impercettibili continuano ad aumentare e iniziano a farla crollare. Lilja farebbe di tutto per tenerselo stretto. Così accetta i suoi inganni, razionalizza il suo comportamento tossico e gli permette di superare ogni limite. Nel suo disperato tentativo di essere l’amante perfetta, si ritrova incapace di liberarsi da questo circolo vizioso. Fino a essere costretta a una scelta inaspettata: un amore totalizzante o la possibilità di rimpadronirsi della sua vita.

Con stupefacente spudoratezza e candore, Hjörleifsdóttir esplora gli angoli più oscuri delle relazioni, catturando un aspetto perverso e nascosto dell’amore, fa luce sulle correnti di violenza che spesso passano inosservate nelle relazioni sentimentali e illustra abilmente le carenze della nostra cultura nel riconoscere i sintomi della crudeltà. Lui mi ama è un romanzo dalla prosa viscerale e poetica, che descrive il percorso di una giovane donna che cerca disperatamente di amare ed essere amata.

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Literary Fiction, Mental Health, Feminism, Audiobook, Novella

132 pages, Paperback

First published February 16, 2019

Reviews

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A twenty year old university student has met the love of her life. She will do anything for him. She'll even ignore his gaslighting, his infidelities', his physical and emotional abuse. Why? Because he has convinced her that she is worthless and it just about broke my heart.

Women all over, and men I assume too, wonder how can someone stay in a relationship like this? When you are vulnerable and unsure of yourself and you meet someone so magnetic only to see their true colors far too late is when you realize that you are drowning at sea. Searching for a life preserver but unable to grasp any help. You feel alone and stupid and can't possibly understand how anyone could love you. You've been beaten and broken into believing that you can't possibly live without him. He is your life preserver in this twisted fucked up world. Not all of us are born with overwhelming confidence. Some of us struggle with insecurities. And when someone you care about puts you on a pedestal only to kick you off with delight time and time again. Well, that takes a toll on your psyche.

"The very best thing for me would be to end it with him and to stop being such a psycho. But I can't stay away from him for very long. I can't lose him. I love him with every cell in my body and I would waste away without him. Whether I stay or go I will still be crazy."

"He's a master at turning my words against me. He remembers everything better than I do - he just takes the most uncharacteristic things I've said out of context and frames them in an unflattering way. When we fight he bombards me with my own words. Then I feel like a girl that's cut off her own arms and handed them to him in complete trust. Now he's using my own lifeless limbs to hurt me."

"I am such an idiot. How can one person be this much of a failure? I thought I could just wait it out until I was good enough. That he'd come to love me eventually. But he just looks through me. I am transparent. I don't exist."

If you have never been in a relationship like this then consider yourself one of the lucky ones. If you have and were strong enough to get up and walk away then I admire your courage.

For a slim novel this one really packs a punch for someone that can relate to the thoughts and feelings of our protagonist. Others may just think what a stupid girl for sticking around. Trust, the last thing she needs to hear is THAT! Instead of ridiculing the victim maybe we should start ridiculing the abuser for a change.

I found the writing to be impeccable and the translation was flawless. I am so happy to have discovered this author. 4 stars!

Thank you to Edelweiss and Grove Press, Black Cat for providing me with a digital ARC.

[Farrah · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐3.5 Ahhh that gorgeous cover! Stars⭐

This book -about the length of a short story- is about a woman's descent in depression.

I found the blurb a little inaccurate as it says it's about the woman being slowly broken by her manipulative boyfriend.
Sure the guy was a prick, openly cheating and neglecting her, but he was like that from the beginning of their relationship, yet she was obsessed with him for no reason that was ever explained.

I found the story engaging, saddening and I loved the ending.

"𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖 𝙥𝙨𝙮𝙘𝙝𝙤. 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜. 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙢. 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙘𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙬𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢. 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙄 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙜𝙤, 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙖𝙯𝙮. 𝙄𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙨 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜."

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘕𝘦𝘵𝘎𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘙𝘊.

[Henk · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tale of obsession, power dynamics in relations and mental health. Claustrophobic and feverish
If I were better, I’d be enough

Intense like the work of Han Kang in focus on the body and reminiscent of the most dark aspects of Marianne in Normal People by Sally Rooney.
Magma tells the story of a young female college student being sucked into a very red flag rich relationship with an older man.
He (literally) pisses on her, uses The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists tactics on her, isolates her from friends and family (When am I going to be your family). It's like Cat Person in terms of icky relationships, just on steroids and very explicit. We have crying during/because of oral sex and bullying into anal sex for instance.

The way Þóra Hjörleifsdóttir tells the story is through very short diary like entries, veering from sometimes mad teenager like love to depression and loneliness.Her self esteem is clearly low, and any and all "compliments" from her lover (not boyfriend, because he has the liberty to sleep with other women) are of utmost importance to her:
Why are the beautiful ones always crazy?
I’m just damaged goods but it made me happy he called me beautiful

Women-women relationships play an important role in the book, with an ex who as an absolutely wild conversation with our narrator (explaining snowballing and strawberry sandwich) and a lot of prominence for the concept of slut-shaming. Also sexual abuse and judgement against victims is a major plot factor.
Dependency on another person (who in all fairness is rather a sad character with 8 years being a student and super cringe worthy friends), almost like being in a two person cult, makes the reading claustrophobic.

And then we haven't even breached the mental health area of the book (The pills flatten me, make me into a thin scum on the surface of still water. I don’t sink, coast instead, detached from the world around me, and I’m fine with it), after the main character goes full on self mutilating. Trigger warnings are definitely due.

In the end some kind of hope is glistening ahead, and like hopefully the narrator, we readers emerge from a very dark tunnel. An impressive, visceral and propulsive read, far from easy despite the short length.

[Meike · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this short novella, narrator Lilja tells the story of how she ended up in an abusive relationship - and what makes the text so effective is that the guy she submits to is basically made of red flags, but as Lilja employs very common female rationalizations to explain to herself why it's all not his fault, the text still rings very true, making the reader ponder how such outright insane behavior can still feel plausible - what does that say about our society, about all of us? Yes, the story gives us a key event that is one source of Lilja's self-betrayal, but what's at play here are more general manipulative techniques like gaslighting and emotional blackmail as well as female tendencies to please others, to show understanding, to compete against other women, to make it short: this is partly about toxic femininity.

Lilja grows emotionally dependent, she starts to believe that her sexual and social boundaries are somehow wrong - and she gives them up, with harrowing consequences. As the story progresses, we learn more and more about the book-loving vegetarian she first deems to be prince charming, and from very early on, it becomes clear that he is a cruel manipulator who avoids accountability - and Lilja knows it too, but she can't find the strength to act upon it, as she is successfully shaken in her belief that her opinions and emotions are valid.

Hjörleifsdóttir's debut is a shocking pageturner that shouldn't ring true, but does - and that's the sad core of a story that is well worth telling. The book can be discussed in the context of First Love and In the Dream House, and I can't wait to read what this exciting new voice comes up with next.

[Darka · Rating 5 out of 5]

мене сильно вразила ця книжка, вона маленька, але дуже сумна. текст простий, героїв мінімум, навіть не всі мають імена, але воно працює.

ми маємо змогу спостерігати як молода і активна дівчина, яка має чудові стосунки з батьками, навчається, мандрує і загалом відкрита до світу, все глибше і глибше загрузає у відверто аб'юзивних стосунках. спочатку її партнер здається вдалим виборим: красивий, інтелектуальний, загадковий, але чим далі, тим гірше стає. героїня переконує нас і себе, що їй подобається таке життя, що він не винен у своєму характері, бо ж мав складне дитинство, що це просто такий період у стосунках, що він не спілкується зі своїми дітьми, бо їхні матері ще ті сучки, що вона ладна на все, аби він був щасливим. крок за кроком вона втрачає свою особистість, вірить, що це вона ні на що нездатна, незугарна і дурна (навіть есеї в університет їй пише любчик).

"коли ми сваримося, він б'є мене моїми ж словами. тоді я почуваюся дівчиною, яка сама собі відкраяла руки й покірно передала їх йому. тепер він використовує мої неживі руки, щоб давати мені ляпаси"

секс, що був важливою і приємною частиною життя нашої героїні, перетворюється на якусь офіру з її боку, вона постійно мусить переступати через свої уподобання, кордони дедалі більше розмиваються.

якоюсь своєю частиною дівчина розуміє, що їхні стосунки спотворені, але вона не може відверто поговорити про це ні з батьками, ні з подругами, бо їй соромно бути такою слабкою і не йти від людини, що відверто її зневажає. може здатися, що це художнє перебільшення і так не буває у реальності, але ж буває, на жаль.

[Andrew Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

A novella comprising a series of statements, like journal entries, made by a young Icelandic woman, Lilja, describing a short period of her life. She has supportive parents who she loves but her life and most of her waking thoughts are dominated by a good looking young university student she has a sexual relationship with. Though she eventually moves in with him she still can’t find the confidence to call him her boyfriend. She’d love it to be so, but doubts that that’s how he sees the relationship.

The man’s appetite for sex is prodigious and she’s keen to do everything she can to make him happy, no matter how much she dislikes some of the acts she’s asked to perform. Her account is often uncomfortable to read and it’s clear throughout this period her lover continues to meet and have sexual relations with other women, including an ex-girlfriend. Lilja is painfully aware of this and is tortured by his actions. His wider social skills are limited and he’s likely to pull out a book and retreat into himself when faced with a family gathering.

It’s an account of selfishness, cruelty and mental torture. And how does Lilja deal with it? Well, badly as it turns out. But maybe there’s just a hint of hope as the story closes out. It’s a hard book to enjoy, but it does capture an often hidden, ugly side of life. I admired the writing even if I was glad when the story finished.

My thanks to Grove Atlantic and NetGalley for providing a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review

[☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Q:
...he’s been at the university for eight years and he’s halfway to a heap of degrees. (c) Lazy SOB. Eternal student.

Q:
The Ex tried to bring me into the conversation by explaining, among other things, what a strawberry milkshake was—it’s when a man cums on a woman’s face and punches her in the nose, giving her a nosebleed. Snowballing, she went on, is when a man cums in a woman’s mouth and she spits it into his mouth. (c) Now, that's an afternoon of hell.

This is not a happy book. Nowhere close to that.
I really want to add on some trigger warnings but I'm too lazy for that. So let me be clear: there's a lot of stuff that's trigger-worthy.
Codependency story? Stockholm syndrome? A psycho and a victim's union? I think it's all of this in parts. Really sorry for the MC, she's a good girl who got in a bad place. Ok, when I mean good, I don't mean ... okay, you'll see it on your own. The thing is she hasn't got a shred of self-worth. And she should get some to get over all that history.

I think it's 4 stars 'cause the writing was choppy-ish. I sort of liked that but nevertheless the fluidity was lacking (though it could've been the translation in operation).

[Ірина Грабовська · Rating 5 out of 5]

Не знаю, чому такий низький рейтинг, це дуже моторошна книжка і дуже правдоподібна. В‘язкий холодний неприродний шлях сповзання у депресію, який супроводжують аб‘юзивні стосунки.

[Roman Clodia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was ashamed of being so pathetic. I beat my head against the toilet, feeling like an animal that had locked its own cage.

Barely the length of a short story, this is a compressed piece of writing that, nevertheless, manages to hit all the milestones of an abusive relationship and the breakdown of its vulnerable female narrator: her self-blame for the lack of perfection that her sort-of-boyfriend 'deserves'; his manipulation and control; her troubled past of sexual violence and lack of self-worth; her self-harm; her increasing isolation and social anxiety.

Given the increasing number of books being published that tread the same (important) ground, this manages to articulate a not unpredictable arc with well-crafted brevity without losing impact. I wasn't convinced by the ending which seems uncharacteristically upbeat and optimistic, without any of the foundational changes to convince me that the future for the narrator really is quite this hopeful now that she's pregnant..., but the quality of the writing and the coolly analytical air made this work for me: 'He's peeled me like an onion. Surrounded by the leavings of my own sallow skin, I've dwindled to nothing, and my eyes smart.'

Thanks to Picador for an ARC via NetGalley

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

He’s peeled me like an onion. Surrounded by the leavings of my own sallow skin, I’ve dwindled to nothing, and my eyes smart.

Well, this broke me. Magma may be short (it’s about an hour’s read), but debut Icelandic author Thora Hjörleifsdóttir hits all the slow beats of an increasingly manipulative and abusive relationship that threatens to destroy a young woman; body, mind, and spirit. Twenty-year-old Lilja returns to Reykjavík from a solo backpacking trip through Central America to start a relationship with an older student who had been engaging her in romantic email exchanges while she was away. Although he doesn’t want to be thought of as her boyfriend, this Derrida-quoting, grey-eyed hunk will become ever more jealous and controlling, isolating Lilja from her friends and family; and the more time he spends with other women, the more Lilja believes that if only she could be more perfect — assuming his vegetarian diet, loosening her sexual boundaries, accepting his close relationship with his perfect Ex — maybe then he will finally commit himself to her. For anyone who wonders why women stay with their abusers, Hjörleifsdóttir unspools a plausible narrative of someone who makes a series of increasingly larger compromises until she has utterly betrayed herself; and with backstories that go some way to explaining why each of the partners in this couple act the way they do, Hjörleifsdóttir evokes the heat and pressure of her title that bubbles beneath all of our controlled facades. Brief but brimming with painfully relatable truths, this was an outstanding read. (Note: I read an ARC through NetGalley and passages quoted may not be in their final forms.)

I felt really guilty. I’ve been with him so much lately that I’ve completely ignored my own friends. But there are so many things I can’t tell them. If you talk about what happens within a relationship, everything gets tangled, and it’s easy for an outsider to judge — I don’t want them to write him off completely. They don’t know what it’s like to be as in love as I am now.

Magma is written in a series of short chapters — from a few sentences to a few paragraphs — and with this breezy, mostly declarative (mostly non-contemplative) storytelling style, it reads like a much younger girl’s diary. And that apparent immaturity made me feel very protective of Lilja; Hjörleifsdóttir earns a real emotional investment from her readers as we inhabit Lilja’s mind and can’t stop her from acting against her own interests. An early chapter (my e-ARC doesn’t have the pages numbered but this is at the 15% mark) reads:

When I shower at his place, he always wants to get in with me. We’ve showered together so often that he seems quite hurt if I say I’d like to shower alone. The shower is really tight with two people, especially when I wash my hair, but he thinks it’s cozy, and I want to make him happy. Sometimes when we shower, he asks if he can pee on me. Urine feels strange when it runs down your body; it’s colder than the water, and the smell that cooks in the heat and steam isn’t especially pleasant. He usually wants to piss on my back. But sometimes he wants me to rest on my knees while he pees over my head. Once, he peed in my mouth. I didn’t like that. But I don’t mind the other times as much, as I’m already in the shower and can rinse it right off.

This brief chapter ([ironically?] entitled “Hygiene”) shows not only how Lilja starts off with “small” compromises but also demonstrates how she’s a willing participant in her own degradation — she’s not financially dependant on this guy, they have no children together or other tricky ties, Lilja simply wants to prove she’s good enough to earn this man’s focussed devotion and nothing will be good enough for him. And as I wrote above, each of these participants will have events in their background exposed that underpin their behaviours — I don’t think we’re supposed to think of him as a monster, even if he’s no good for Lilja — and while men in general aren’t presented in the best light (the man’s father was an alcoholic jerk, neither a male psychiatrist or ER doctor will give Lilja adequate care after she starts harming herself), there are also women (the man’s mother and Ex) who give the man’s behaviour a pass and who participate in the gaslighting and otherwise mistreatment of Lilja. It’s all so plausible (right up until a maybe not-so-inevitable ending) that I found the whole thing simply heart-breaking. I’d love to read more, especially something longer, from Hjörleifsdóttir.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick and intense read chronicling an abusive relationship using short, diary type chapters. It made me a bit too mad for it to be a five star read and I didn't quite love the ending but it is absolutely well worth the hype, with its perfectly sharp chapters with perfectly sharp prose, and its main character who is difficult: she is lonely and judgemental and even in the midst of her (horrible!) relationship that she knows is horrible cannot admit that her friends might know what they are talking about when they say they are worried.

I received an ARC of this book courtesy of NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Dannii Elle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actual rating 4.5/5 stars.

Lilja is twenty-years-old, a university student, and in love. The object of her affection refuses to be labelled her boyfriend, but that does not impede the onslaught of emotions that entangles their lives and infuses their relationship with one another. As Lilja continues to explore these feelings, along with her continued exposure to their focus, she loses touch of the individual she was before. Her happiness decreases alongside her freedom, with panic, agony, and distrust introduced in their place. But passion has always lived right alongside pain, hasn't it?

This is one of the most tragic and sorrowful yet quiet and reserved novels I have ever read. Each chapter measured in at no more than one to three pages and these limited insights to Lilja's actions and feelings were starkly opposed by the wealth of emotion and understanding they also delivered. It was painful to read this character succumb to the clever undoing of her person, by the one she trusted and adored the most. The violence was sometimes as understated and clever as the crafting of this novel and the outside perspective allowed the reader to become fully privy to just how slowly yet surely their desired result was delivered.

I shall close my review with an excerpt from the synopsis, that explains just how harrowing and painful, yet necessary and powerful, a read this is.

"With astounding clarity and restraint, Hjortleifsdottir sheds light on the commonplace undercurrents of violence that so often go undetected in romantic relationships. She deftly illustrates the failings of psychiatric systems in recognizing symptoms of cruelty, and in powerful, poetic prose depicts the unspooling of a tender-hearted woman desperate to love well."

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to the author, Thora Hjortleifsdottir, and the publisher, Picador, for this opportunity.

[seana · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'd like the one hour of my life I wasted reading this back, please.

[Ends of the Word · Rating 4 out of 5]

Magma. There could hardly be a better title for this incandescent book. Barely the length of a novella, it can be read in an hour or two. Yet, this account of an abusive relationship hits home and hits hard.

Lilya, a 20-year old university student, falls in love with a young man who seems to have all the attributes of a perfect partner – he is good-looking and intelligent and exudes a relaxed sophistication with his Derrida quotes, Latin studies and committed vegetarianism. Lilya moves in with him, and gradually but increasingly perceptibly, is sucked into a daily pattern of abuse and cruelty – sexual, verbal, emotional – which breaks down Lilya’s boundaries of consent and ultimately, her sanity.

By having Lilya as her narrator, Hjörleifsdóttir puts us in her protagonist’s skin. She makes us feel Lilya’s pain and that sense of insecurity and eagerness to please which is exploited by her so-called lover for his ends. In a brilliant use of the “unreliable narrator” narrative, the author makes us realise the toxicity of the relationship even before Lilja does.

This is not a comfortable read. It is certainly not for the faint-hearted, especially those who are disturbed by depiction of abuse. Despite its subject however, there is a cool beauty to the prose, ably conveyed in Meg Matich’s translation, which seems to contrast with the subject matter. Magma is Hjörleifsdóttir’s debut novel, but she has published three poetry collections with her poetry collective Imposter Poets. It shows in the restrained style she adopts – brief chapters with no word wasted, sudden eruptions of striking imagery.

This is a remarkable book and if it serves, as mentioned in the opening author’s note, to break the silence in which “shame and isolation thrive”, it will have an impact beyond the literary.

https://endsoftheword.blogspot.com/20...

[Jessica Woodbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me very relieved I am not 20 anymore. Her story may be extreme, but I think many women will be able to relate to Lilja's position, of loving someone who treats you badly. More than that, Lilja does not really know what love is. She knows obsession, but she doesn't know love, and that is something I remember.

This is short, which is necessary because it is hard. The man in Lilja's life (at first he refuses to be called her boyfriend even though Lilja longs to make their relationship official, and then she decides that he is right and such labels are unnecessary) is cruel, condescending and lazy, commanding and dispassionate. He wants her when he wants her and besides that he wants her to disappear. He cheats on her, he won't do what she wants to do. And still she cannot imagine her life without him and wants only for him to love her.

Told in short sections, it feels almost like a diary, each section often only a paragraph or two. It is heartbreakingly familiar to remember what it was like to be a young woman who didn't realize what she was worth.

Content warnings for self-harm, STIs, attempted suicide, cheating, depression, and a truly terrible boyfriend.

[AsToldByKenya · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was able to accomplish in a few short pages what every "white exhausted female rage" book has been trying to do for the past 7 years. The writing was great. The execution was great and the messaging was clear. I had great time.

[OKSANA ATAMANIUK · Rating 4 out of 5]

«Магма»
Тора Хйорлейвсдоттір
Видавництво «Лабораторія»
2023 рік
⠀
Прочитали.
Згадали всі свої невдалі стосунки.
Ковтнули червоного сухого.
Забули, та більше не згадуйте!
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А також, подякуйте собі, мозку, мамі, подрузі, янголам та всім-всім причетним, що здихалися тих всіх аб‘юзерів!
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А якщо серйозно, то читаючи ці сторінки хотілося просто кричати - біжи, біжи дівчино, як вітер!
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Це складна, але дуже корисна книжка. Тонкий маніпулятивний аб‘юз…
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Коротенька, але має неприємний психологічний посмак.
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«Він майстер у тому, щоб обернути мої власні слова проти мене. Він усе пам‘ятає краще за мене, може згадати будь-яку дурню, яку я коли-небудь ляпнула, і помістити її у хибний контекст. Коли ми сваримося, він б‘є мене моїми ж словами. Тоді я почуваюся дівчиною, яка сама собі відкраяла руки й покірно передала їх йому. Тепер він використовує мої неживі руки, щоб давати мені ляпаси.»
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Про книжку:
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«Лілью тепер не впізнати. Дівчина, яка колись сама подорожувала Центральною Америкою, стала залежною від стосунків.
Він красивий і начитаний, ідеально готує збалансовані вегетаріанські страви та читає латиною. У нього тільки один недолік – він аб’юзер. Лілья не помічає його маніпуляцій, підкоряється сексуальним вимогам і сідає на сувору вегетаріанську дієту, знищуючи саму себе.
Авторка проникливо описує динаміку токсичних стосунків і чесно показує, що доводиться переживати жертвам насилля. «Магма» – це роман, що відверто говорить про пастки, які розставляє для нас суспільство, замовчуючи такі складні теми. Влучно і емоційно він ілюструє невміння людей розпізнавати явні ознаки жорстокості і допомогти тим, хто цього потребує.»
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#примхливачитака

[Rachel Louise Atkin · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 maybe. The writing didn’t really do it for me here, the entire voice felt very forced and unconvincing. Magma is a book that is talking about some really important issues and bringing to light the horrors of domestic abuse and how easy it becomes to lose yourself in another person before realising it’s too late to get out. I really appreciate what the author is bringing to light whilst not really critically liking the way it was done. I feel as though some of the things which happened were not given enough room in the narrative and therefore didn’t have the desired effect. I think if this book was longer and slower it would have helped to give the voice a bit more depth.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most effective books I’ve read that touches on the isolation and depression that results from domestic abuse. Translated from the Icelandic by Meg Matich, Magma chronicles in tense, taut prose one girl’s experience with a controlling and manipulative partner. The reader is thrown head-first into Lilja’s reality--this isn’t a slow descent from stability to instability; this is a snapshot of an already-fragile and lonely woman being broken apart more and more at every turn.

I read this book in under an hour in a single sitting, which is pretty much exactly what it demands of the reader; I can imagine that it’s at its most effective when the insularity of the story is amplified by the reading experience. And that’s exactly what I found so intense and moving about this book--I felt like I intimately knew this character by the end of this very slim novella, and I couldn’t get her out of my head for days to follow. Magma is brutal but it’s also incisive and layered and unapologetic. Highly recommended if you find that this kind of narrative really sings when coupled with a pared-down prose style.

Trigger warnings abound for abuse, sexual assault, and self-harm.

Thank you to Netgalley and Grove Atlantic for the advanced copy provided in exchange for an honest review.

[Sunny Lu · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 absolutely brutal & violent

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

це огидно, це тяжко, але потрібно читати, щоб пам'ятати, якими крихкими є людські тіла, кордони, душі і як важливо їх оберігати

[Jovana Autumn · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Our love is raw. We trust each other down to the core, something nobody in my life has ever come close to. When I feel as if I’ve flayed myself with a potato peeler, I remind myself: Love is a spectrum. It is as painful as it is wonderful.”

➝ Magma is a book that hits, and even more so if one has been in a similar situation. It doesn’t have to be a spot-on replica of what the protagonist went through in the book, it’s those seemingly “small” actions and situations that one slides with, or doesn’t object to due to the pathological nature of the relationship. It’s devastating that most of the things written in this book are the things that happen in the world, most likely someone is going through a similar situation at this moment but people rarely discuss it because of the mixture of feelings including confusion, and above all shame.

“When we first met, I was very outspoken. I had principles, feelings about coexistence. People shouldn’t piss on the people they care about; they shouldn’t sleep around while keeping someone dangling. I thought anal sex was out of the question, I didn’t like to give blow jobs, and when I was forthright about all those things, he made a face, like he was gloating. After we started living together, he told me that he knew from the beginning that he would turn me, bring me over to his side.”

➝ The effect of having a victim of such an unhealthy relationship narrate the book, with no grasp of the situation and no outside help, is what gives this book the tone of desperation and helplessness.
I have read a similar book earlier this autumn, Acts of Desperation, which concluded in the narrators self-realization and working towards implementing her experience for art (writing) while at the same time working on getting better; where Acts of Desperation ends in an almost optimistic light, Magma ends in a tragic one – leaving the protagonist as just another in the line of “girlfriends” with a child who wouldn’t have a healthy home or parental figures. .

The strong point of the novel is precisely in documenting the state of a woman in a relationship where she has no control over, no real ground, is abused both mentally and physically, and is manipulated to submission. Writing about such a topic only calls for more people being open about it and working towards growing the strength to leave such an environment, and for that reason alone I recommend reading this book: it’s not an easy read but it is one that is needed.
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This may be one of the saddest books I have read this year. Review to come.

[Nashelito · Rating 4 out of 5]

​Я абсолютно чітко усвідомлюю, що замовив і прочитав цю книжку виключно через мою ірраціональну прихильність до Ісландії. Чого варта лише музика ймення її авторки – Тори Хйорлейвсдоттір. Звісно, "Магма" мені видалася ближчою до репертуару видавництва "Видавництво", але видала цю крихітну книжечку "Лабораторія", ну то шо ж, вже, то вже.

Книгу можна прочитати за неповну годину. Там коротенькі розділи, часом завдовжки в одне речення.

Лілья – молода дівчина, яка встигла трошки поподорожувати світом, завдяки чому має досвід багатьох сексуальних партнерів, але досвіду тривалих стосунків майже не має і закохавшись у красивого та розумного чоловіка, потрапляє у травматичну і маніпулятивну залежність, втрачаючи поступоао адекватне сприйняття себе самої. Вона пробачає йому численні зради і навіть відверте знущання, а свої бажання притлумлює, поступово але невпинно сповзаючи у прірву депресії.

Це хороша книжка про те, як не треба робити. Нікому і ніколи. І вже задля цього її варто прочитати.

[Carmen]

I was drawn in by the stunning cover but was sorely disappointed by this book.

To be fair, the prose is beautiful at times. The author a published poet and her background shines through in places in this book. The book moves quickly, told in little vignettes.

According to the jacket copy, the author sets out to explore “undercurrents of violence that so often go undetected in relationships” but doesn’t provide any justification. She details this terrible relationship for the reader but doesn't do much exploring. The 20-year-old protagonist is in an abusive relationship with an unnamed man; she is completely obsessed with him for no reason. Look, I understand codependent relationships. I understand why a woman would stay with someone who treats her like shit. I see enough of that in real life, I didn't need an entire (albeit short) book on it. Or, at the very least, I needed some kind of redemption. Some kind of change, one way or another. Some kind of arc. Some kind of growth.

Nothing happens in this book! And I read literary fiction, so I'm okay with "nothing happening." But seriously, nothing happens. The characters were awful all the way through. Everyone was so unlikeable--and I like unlikeable characters! But these characters had absolutely no saving graces. It was a reporting of an abusive relationship with no story.

And the ending was awful. I'm a sucker for an ambiguous ending, but this ending made me cringe.

Perhaps I'm not the ideal reader for this book. I need character growth, I need a complete story. This was a snapshot of the lives of this terrible relationship.

CW: graphic depictions of sex/sex acts, cutting/suicidal ideations

Thank you to the publisher and to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[8stitches 9lives · Rating 4 out of 5]

Magma is an unsettling and compulsive Icelandic noir debut and a delicately poetic novel about love in the 21st century and how pornography and abuse have been normalized in intimate relationships. Imagine love as a coin. On the one hand is the tenderness and the joy, on the other the insecurity and fear. When the coin is tossed, the latter is always a risk, and that is exactly what fills in this novel. 20-year-old Lilja is young and so deeply in love that she is willing to sacrifice everything to satisfy the man she is with. She is blindly devoted to her first serious boyfriend ad as a result, not only is her love taken for granted but he considers it almost his right to see other women behind her back. But as soon as she stops setting boundaries, she also stops being in touch with reality. Can love make you lose your sense of reality?

This is a raw, compelling and hard-hitting novel about a relationship marred by mental abuse and domestic violence and coloured by contemporary pornography, and its dire consequences for a young woman. Magma is a poetic but poisonous cocktail of alienated love, self-delusion, pain and cruelty that will not quickly fade from memory. It's a heartbreakingly realistic depiction of mental assault and you really feel for Lilja, a young and naive protagonist who remains hapless and hopeful despite the hell she is suffering through. Abuse of women has never had a more visible platform than in today's society, and now it can also be found in contemporary Icelandic literature. Beneath the large, perilous rock, a thick mass of lava bubbles, and it's only a matter of time before it all explodes.

[Shkurenko Sanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Доволі щемка і лаконічна історія жінки у аб'юзивних стосунках. Не дивлячись на простоту тексту він глибоко ранить і часом дошкуляє своєю поєтичністю.

[Raven · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not an easy read by any means, particularly for women who have found themselves in coercive and abusive relationships. Having experienced this myself, at the same age as the female protagonist, I did find this a difficult read, having to take pause every now and then as bad memories resurfaced, and recognising so much of my own experience in Lilja's. This is a brave and beautifully lyrical book, unflinching in its portrayal of a young woman slowly destructing, and I applaud Hjorleifsdottir for her at times sensitive, and at times brutally matter of fact, depiction of this poisonous relationship. An absolute must read and a stark reminder to women everywhere of the insidious nature of coercive control.

[маја · Rating 2 out of 5]

according to the blurb, this book is supposed to shed some light on “violence that so often goes undetected in romantic relationships” but besides the fact that this book describes a toxic relationship, i don't get what point this book is trying to make. maybe it's because i've read a similar book (and much better book about a toxic relationship imo) right before this one, but this just felt like a random amount of scenes in a life of a woman stuck in a toxic relationship and nothing else.
i got zero character depth, motivation from any of the characters, i didn't feel like i cared what happened and i've only read it because it's incredibly short. parts of it were disgusting to me which i usually don't mind, but i don't think they served a purpose at all.
the ending was rushed, too.

[Діана Малюга]

Я нічого не очікувала від цієї крихітної книги. Гадаєш, ну скільки треба прочитати про насилля, щоб це тебе зачіпало? Тим не менш, щось у ній є. Щось, що здалеку нагадало Під скляним ковпаком Плат.

[lady h · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not totally sure what to make of this -- it's more a series of vignettes/scenes than an actual novel or even novella. It's essentially a series of increasingly disturbing red flags, about a woman in a horribly toxic and abusive relationship. It's definitely compelling, in a way that a train wreck is compelling, you can't look away, but I'm not sure that it had much more going for it than that morbid draw.