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Investments #1
The Prophecy Machine
Hooters, Hatters, and menacing evil...
Even in a mystical world where centuries ago animals were magically changed into humans, the land of Makasar is considered strange. Its two major religions are Hatters and Hooters. During the day, Hatters, wearing hats of course, wander about jabbing pointy sticks into bystanders. The night is ruled by the Hooters, who hoot and set fire to people and things. Hospitality is considered a capital crime. And Newlies, the humanized animals, are treated lower than scum.
So when Finn, the Master Lizard Maker, finds himself stranded in Makasar--along with his lover, an attractive Newlie named Letitia, and the grandest, most magical creation of his illustrious career, a talking, thinking, rather cantankerous mechanical lizard named Julia Jessica Slagg--his first thought is a quick exit.
But the Nuccis--strongman son, mad father, and ever madder grandfather--have other plans for Finn and his loyal companions. There's an odd machine in their basement that needs fixing, and who better to do it than a Master Lizard Maker? There's more here than meets the eye, however, and Finn soon realizes that the future he faces could be very dark indeed.
Even in a mystical world where centuries ago animals were magically changed into humans, the land of Makasar is considered strange. Its two major religions are Hatters and Hooters. During the day, Hatters, wearing hats of course, wander about jabbing pointy sticks into bystanders. The night is ruled by the Hooters, who hoot and set fire to people and things. Hospitality is considered a capital crime. And Newlies, the humanized animals, are treated lower than scum.
So when Finn, the Master Lizard Maker, finds himself stranded in Makasar--along with his lover, an attractive Newlie named Letitia, and the grandest, most magical creation of his illustrious career, a talking, thinking, rather cantankerous mechanical lizard named Julia Jessica Slagg--his first thought is a quick exit.
But the Nuccis--strongman son, mad father, and ever madder grandfather--have other plans for Finn and his loyal companions. There's an odd machine in their basement that needs fixing, and who better to do it than a Master Lizard Maker? There's more here than meets the eye, however, and Finn soon realizes that the future he faces could be very dark indeed.
342 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published November 28, 2000
7 people are currently reading
423 people want to read
About the author
Neal Barrett Jr.
133 books44 followersNeal Barrett, Jr. was a writer of fantasy, science fiction, mystery/suspense, and historical fiction. His story "Ginny Sweethips' Flying Circus" was nominated for both the 1988 Nebula Award for Best Novelette and the 1989 Hugo Award for Best Novelette.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
February 18, 2021
The Prophecy Machine
The Investments Series, Book 1
By: Neal Barrett Jr.
This was one weird book! Very imaginative and I loved the basic idea but it was hard to follow at times. The strange names for things weren't really explained well. I wish it had been because part of it I might have liked. Other parts not so much. A steampunk world but brutal and strange!
I did enjoy the great narration. Too bad the book didn't match the narration!
I received this from freeaudiblecodes. I saw the narrator and knew the narration would be good and that's half the battle.
The Investments Series, Book 1
By: Neal Barrett Jr.
This was one weird book! Very imaginative and I loved the basic idea but it was hard to follow at times. The strange names for things weren't really explained well. I wish it had been because part of it I might have liked. Other parts not so much. A steampunk world but brutal and strange!
I did enjoy the great narration. Too bad the book didn't match the narration!
I received this from freeaudiblecodes. I saw the narrator and knew the narration would be good and that's half the battle.
January 21, 2011
The novel The Prophecy Machine is written by Neal Barrett Jr. He typically writes science fiction but has also written westerns, mystery/suspense, historical novels and has had short stories in major magazines such as The Best From Fantasy & Science Fiction, Nebula Awards. He was named Author Emeritus by the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America and was the toastmaster at the 55th World Science Fiction Convention. The Prophecy Machine was based on "The Lizard Shoppe," which appeared in Dragon Magazine, and won the Best Fiction of the Year award from The West Coast Publishers.
The story of The Prophecy Machine centers around Finn, the Master Lizard Maker and his wife, a Newlie, name Letitia along with Finn’s Latest creation Julia Jessica Slagg, a mechanical lizard who thinks, walks, runs, bites, and never seems to stop talking. The three are on their way to their honeymoon spot when they end up in the land of Makasar. Here lives the Nuccis, son, father and grandfather, these three seems to have lost their minds many years before. Finn and Letitia are able to stay with the Nuccis while stranded in this land even though hospitality is considered a crime, if you would it hospitality. With the Nuccis horrible manners, the terrifying machine growing in the basement Finn and Letitia are constantly looking for ways to leave, but that is not so easy with the dangers of hatters during the day and hooters at night, two rival religions.
The world where the novel takes place is one entirely different than our own. It is a world where the use of magic is a common occurrence and Newlies, animals made human by magic many years before, are trying live a normal life. There are many different types of Newlies; Letitia happens to be a Mycer. There are also Yowlies, Bowsers, Foxers, Snouters, Snorters, Bullies, Dobbins, and Vampies. Newlies are however, discriminated against. They are treated poorly and often worked as servants. Newlies and humans were not allowed to be married; however Finn and Letitia did so any way they often pretend that Letitia is his servant.
The Prophecy Machine itself plays an important role in the book. If it weren’t for that machine they wouldn’t have been forced to stay with the Nuccis in the first place. Calabus Nuccis believes that Letitia will help him in creating this machine. However, she hates it and cannot even stand in the basement with thing. The machine gives off disturbing emanations caused some form of magic. The old man, Calabus, told them it was a Prophecy Machine and it could tell the future through a code a gibberish which was undecipherable. Throughout the novel this machine is an ever growing feeling of uneasiness and fear; Letitia can’t stand it and Finn must fight against it. As the story progresses the machine grows bigger and bigger until it has taken over the house that contains it. Along with the machine time plays an important role in the book. It does not reveal itself until the end but it is there throughout the entire novel.
I greatly enjoyed this book and definitely recommend it. I was slightly confused in the beginning with the talk of Newlies and such but it did not take long to understand. The novel is something that is very interesting and original. Everything that happens within the span the book is completely bizarre and entertaining. Neal Barrett Jr. takes us into a new and dangerous worlds where one must expect the unexpected.
May 29, 2017
This is a book of contradictions. It's fast-paced and meandering. It's rational and completely absurd. It's great and it's terrible. I enjoyed it and I'm confused about why.
Finn and his wife Letitia, a Newlie--nine species of animals were magically turned into humans 300 years ago and as a group they're Newlies. Her species used to be mice--are attempting to go on holiday, and it goes seriously wrong as they're sailing to their destination, and even more seriously wrong when they get stranded on an island. Various bizarre things happen because this island is ... peculiar. At least, the people are.
The island of Makasar is at once fascinating and repulsive. I want to know more about it and I want to never read about it again. I don't think I've ever had this kind of reaction to a book before. The world Barrett builds in this book is incredibly interesting with lots of potential for deconstructing prejudices, thanks to humans being somewhat unsure of the "Newlies". There's a certain amount of this but it definitely isn't a focus. My ideal books usually confront this stuff head on, but I'm ok with it being in the background here because it clearly isn't that sort of book. But what sort of book is it?
Well, it's mostly insane. The culture on Makasar is set in some sort of generic medieval world, but with clockwork (is this steampunk? The tech level seemed to be generally less than Victorian so maybe not), and Finn and Letitia come from effectively the British Isles, so their ideals are pretty much what you could expect of pre-industrial fantasy characters. Makasar does not share those ideals. There are two warring religions on the island, both of which are incredibly violent. The people consider hospitality to be a sin, which leads to there being no inns on the island, no one being invited over for dinner, and a series of bars and taverns and clubs that don't accept new people. How they get any patrons after the original ones have died, I don't know. It's incredibly interesting and thoroughly weird and I was confused at all times. This confusion didn't really lessen by the end of the book, leaving me feeling mildly unsatisfied.
At the same time, Finn and Letitia have little to no idea what's going on the entire time either. Barrett is very very good at making the reader feel what the characters are feeling. I was baffled from start to finish, and I wasn't complaining. I'm still not fully sure how he pulled this off, because normally I'm the kind of person who puts a book down if it doesn't make sense within a few pages. I've stopped reading critically acclaimed books because they threw in a couple of nonsensical metaphors on the first page. So really, I have no idea how I finished this, and I'm left blinking at the rating stars wondering what to pick.
The characters are basically caricatures, and that's ok because whatever this book is, it isn't a serious book. Despite the characters being fairly one-dimensional, I felt for them. Finn and Letitia are both well-meaning people, a little timid, a little daft. Finn is rather obtuse, while Letitia's sensibilities are perhaps a little too delicate. They fall into the craziness of the plot by lacking common sense and sort of drifting about, but at no point was I screaming at the book going 'WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??????' which is usually what happens when I read about people lacking common sense. I understood their motivations most of the time.
Aside from these two, there's a clockwork talking lizard named Julia, with the brain of a ferret and a lot of snark. I should have loved her, but I didn't quite connect with her humour for some reason. It was very, very dry. The rest of the characters are pretty much the antagonists. A whole island full of them. The main ones are Sabatino and Calabus, son and father respectively. I loathe them. Sabatino is a violent brute who leers at Letitia constantly. Calabus is a potty old man who makes suggestive comments about Letitia constantly. They're both gross, in good part due to their treatment of Letitia.
Letitia is for most of the book a sort of treasure that Finn has to protect. They're newly weds, and there are some touching scenes between them that made me aww (and throw up a little) and while I had some problems with the way their relationship was portrayed, they mostly came off as an uncertain couple who were still finding their way. That Letitia needs protecting/rescuing a lot would usually irk me, but I definitely got a sense that Letitia wasn't useless. She has more common sense than Finn, is inclined to more decisive action than him when she can see one's available, and so there's a balance of power between them that didn't leave me massively offended about her role in the plot. The grossness of the two main antagonists would usually undo all that for me, but Sabatino and Calabus are both just so casually horrific about it all ... and realistic ... and clearly meant to be perceived as such ... that I'm ok with it. Too often I see (mainstream tv and film, I'm looking at you) disgusting sexist and harassing remarks just brushed off as "locker room talk". That is not the case here. It's casually tossed around, just like it is in real life, and it's seriously not ok, it highlights that, and it highlights how and why women often have to deflect it as nothing. Maybe other people don't read it like that, but I do, and I hope other people have and paused to think about it.
The writing itself is pretty good. I don't know how Barrett would deal with a deeper plot, but he certainly handled instilling all kinds of sensations in my brain. The descriptions of the antagonists' food will certainly ... linger. I won't enjoy that, but I will be impressed.
My main issue with this book is that I was hoping/expecting the Prophecy Machine itself to be more involved. This isn't a book about a prophecy machine, it's a madcap adventure with a prophecy machine oiling the plot up. I don't think it wound down smoothly, either. Still, at the end of the book I wasn't really looking for explanations to a ton of stuff, because it was clear by that point that Makasar defies explanations. And I kind of like it that way, because things are scarier if you can't fully explain them, and Makasar is, perhaps, number one on my list of fantasy worlds I really do not want to visit.
I don't know if I want to recommend this book or not. It's a unique experience for sure. I read it pretty fast (I would have read it faster, but at some point my copy got a vile mould smell on it. I imagine Sabatino's house smells like it, which was great for atmosphere, but holding your breath every time you turn a page gets old really fast) and I have no regrets, but the lingering cloud of confusion leaves me wondering how enjoyable it might be for others. I will say I'm not overly interested in picking up the second book (I didn't know there was a second book until now ...) but I am interested in seeing what else Barrett has written, because there have to be lots of fascinating ideas in his brain and I think I want to see more.
Finn and his wife Letitia, a Newlie--nine species of animals were magically turned into humans 300 years ago and as a group they're Newlies. Her species used to be mice--are attempting to go on holiday, and it goes seriously wrong as they're sailing to their destination, and even more seriously wrong when they get stranded on an island. Various bizarre things happen because this island is ... peculiar. At least, the people are.
The island of Makasar is at once fascinating and repulsive. I want to know more about it and I want to never read about it again. I don't think I've ever had this kind of reaction to a book before. The world Barrett builds in this book is incredibly interesting with lots of potential for deconstructing prejudices, thanks to humans being somewhat unsure of the "Newlies". There's a certain amount of this but it definitely isn't a focus. My ideal books usually confront this stuff head on, but I'm ok with it being in the background here because it clearly isn't that sort of book. But what sort of book is it?
Well, it's mostly insane. The culture on Makasar is set in some sort of generic medieval world, but with clockwork (is this steampunk? The tech level seemed to be generally less than Victorian so maybe not), and Finn and Letitia come from effectively the British Isles, so their ideals are pretty much what you could expect of pre-industrial fantasy characters. Makasar does not share those ideals. There are two warring religions on the island, both of which are incredibly violent. The people consider hospitality to be a sin, which leads to there being no inns on the island, no one being invited over for dinner, and a series of bars and taverns and clubs that don't accept new people. How they get any patrons after the original ones have died, I don't know. It's incredibly interesting and thoroughly weird and I was confused at all times. This confusion didn't really lessen by the end of the book, leaving me feeling mildly unsatisfied.
At the same time, Finn and Letitia have little to no idea what's going on the entire time either. Barrett is very very good at making the reader feel what the characters are feeling. I was baffled from start to finish, and I wasn't complaining. I'm still not fully sure how he pulled this off, because normally I'm the kind of person who puts a book down if it doesn't make sense within a few pages. I've stopped reading critically acclaimed books because they threw in a couple of nonsensical metaphors on the first page. So really, I have no idea how I finished this, and I'm left blinking at the rating stars wondering what to pick.
The characters are basically caricatures, and that's ok because whatever this book is, it isn't a serious book. Despite the characters being fairly one-dimensional, I felt for them. Finn and Letitia are both well-meaning people, a little timid, a little daft. Finn is rather obtuse, while Letitia's sensibilities are perhaps a little too delicate. They fall into the craziness of the plot by lacking common sense and sort of drifting about, but at no point was I screaming at the book going 'WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??????' which is usually what happens when I read about people lacking common sense. I understood their motivations most of the time.
Aside from these two, there's a clockwork talking lizard named Julia, with the brain of a ferret and a lot of snark. I should have loved her, but I didn't quite connect with her humour for some reason. It was very, very dry. The rest of the characters are pretty much the antagonists. A whole island full of them. The main ones are Sabatino and Calabus, son and father respectively. I loathe them. Sabatino is a violent brute who leers at Letitia constantly. Calabus is a potty old man who makes suggestive comments about Letitia constantly. They're both gross, in good part due to their treatment of Letitia.
Letitia is for most of the book a sort of treasure that Finn has to protect. They're newly weds, and there are some touching scenes between them that made me aww (and throw up a little) and while I had some problems with the way their relationship was portrayed, they mostly came off as an uncertain couple who were still finding their way. That Letitia needs protecting/rescuing a lot would usually irk me, but I definitely got a sense that Letitia wasn't useless. She has more common sense than Finn, is inclined to more decisive action than him when she can see one's available, and so there's a balance of power between them that didn't leave me massively offended about her role in the plot. The grossness of the two main antagonists would usually undo all that for me, but Sabatino and Calabus are both just so casually horrific about it all ... and realistic ... and clearly meant to be perceived as such ... that I'm ok with it. Too often I see (mainstream tv and film, I'm looking at you) disgusting sexist and harassing remarks just brushed off as "locker room talk". That is not the case here. It's casually tossed around, just like it is in real life, and it's seriously not ok, it highlights that, and it highlights how and why women often have to deflect it as nothing. Maybe other people don't read it like that, but I do, and I hope other people have and paused to think about it.
The writing itself is pretty good. I don't know how Barrett would deal with a deeper plot, but he certainly handled instilling all kinds of sensations in my brain. The descriptions of the antagonists' food will certainly ... linger. I won't enjoy that, but I will be impressed.
My main issue with this book is that I was hoping/expecting the Prophecy Machine itself to be more involved. This isn't a book about a prophecy machine, it's a madcap adventure with a prophecy machine oiling the plot up. I don't think it wound down smoothly, either. Still, at the end of the book I wasn't really looking for explanations to a ton of stuff, because it was clear by that point that Makasar defies explanations. And I kind of like it that way, because things are scarier if you can't fully explain them, and Makasar is, perhaps, number one on my list of fantasy worlds I really do not want to visit.
I don't know if I want to recommend this book or not. It's a unique experience for sure. I read it pretty fast (I would have read it faster, but at some point my copy got a vile mould smell on it. I imagine Sabatino's house smells like it, which was great for atmosphere, but holding your breath every time you turn a page gets old really fast) and I have no regrets, but the lingering cloud of confusion leaves me wondering how enjoyable it might be for others. I will say I'm not overly interested in picking up the second book (I didn't know there was a second book until now ...) but I am interested in seeing what else Barrett has written, because there have to be lots of fascinating ideas in his brain and I think I want to see more.
October 24, 2016
Where do I start. Trying to figure out if this is Steampunk, Comedy, Insanity, Fantasy or just plain good. Neal Barrett Jr. has been around for a while and this is the first one of his for me. I quite enjoyed all the nonsense and goings on in the land of Makasar. Only certain people can drink at a bar. Only certain people can drink at a tavern. This drives Finn crazy for a while until he figures it all out.
All I can say about this book is you have to read it to get what is going on. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of the Xanth series with all the sayings and stuff.
Enjoyed it. 4 Stars.
"This review copy audiobook was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost."
All I can say about this book is you have to read it to get what is going on. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of the Xanth series with all the sayings and stuff.
Enjoyed it. 4 Stars.
"This review copy audiobook was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost."
October 20, 2025
I chose this book solely because of the cover art by Daniel Merriam (as is often the case, it has nothing to do with the story). I wasn't expecting much, but this guy's writing really annoyed me. He constantly uses rhymes and strings of synonyms (or otherwise related words) in both the narrative and the dialogue. On top of that, the story goes nowhere, and the characters are completely unbelievable. Many of their motives, actions, and conversations with each other are ridiculous (I realize that the land the protagonists visit is meant to be outlandish, but everyone acts and speaks nonsensically, not just the locals). The Foxers were mildly amusing, however. The more I think about it, this novel seems more like a 3rd grader's unhinged fantasy than something you'd expect an adult to write.
I would definitely classify this as fantasy, with just a pinch of steampunk (the spine says "Science Fiction"). Many elements of the story are vague at best. There are very minor characters and events early on that seem important at the time but end up being abandoned. Nothing ever happens with the titular prophecy machine. One prophecy is shown, but it's gibberish, and the author makes no attempt to explain or decode it.
This novel is set in a world where nine (?) species of animals were transformed into humanoids 300 years or so ago by a small group (or duo?) of "seers." These creatures are known collectively as "Newlies" and are generally treated with great prejudice. The only species I was able to (eventually) discern are: mouse (Mycer), cat (Howlie), dog (Bowser), bat (Vampie), fox (Foxer), and bull (Bullie). The "Dobbins" were originally horses, I guess. The author did an abysmal job of clarifying things for the reader, and the names, as you can see, do not all follow the same logic. Another unclear thing is just how human/animal they are supposed to appear; are we talking full-on furries here, or just humanoids with a few animal parts? (The Vampie evidently retains its wings and fur.)
Finn is a human craftsman, a maker of "lizards" (lizard-shaped steampunk devices designed for various uses). He is on vacation (or possibly honeymoon) with his (new?) illegal Mycer wife, Letitia Louise. It wasn't clear until p. 58 that members of her kind were originally mice. At first, I didn't realize "Newlie" was a blanket term (and for some reason, I pictured something amphibious). Then, her rather minimal description had me thinking she was a rabbit person for the longest time... Finn also brings along his most "impressive" creation. A haughty, squawking lizard made from 17 different metals and a ferret's brain named Julia Jessica Slagg. Their destination is an island of some sort, but they stop unexpectedly at a very odd place called Makasar, where they remain for the rest of the novel.
I don't believe the author even knew where he wanted to take this story. There were a handful of concepts that I might have enjoyed if they were in another book by some other author.
...
The way the characters incessantly viewed Letitia as little more than a highly attractive piece of property disturbed me. At one point, she even calls herself lovely (or something to that effect). And due to the author's failure to explain how she looks, I don't know how human her features are or whether or not she's covered in fur.
-
"That Newlie you got there, Master Finn? Could she take off her clothes? By damn, I'd like to see that." [...]
-
"Letitia sat up straight, eyes big as biscuits, throwing off the sheet, baring lovely private parts." [...]
...
Sabatino allegedly never wears green; he hates it (he wears every other color). But:
"Sabatino paused, studied the ring on his finger, watching it catch the light. The stone was a brilliant green, the size of a lump of coal. And worth about as much..." So why the heck would he wear a large, worthless piece of jewelry in a color he openly despises?
...
Just a few examples of the ceaseless synonym stringing, taken from the last quarter of the book:
"Finn stared, shaken beyond belief. Shocked, stunned, surprised..."
-
"He staggered, then, with a shudder, a shiver, a chill at the back of his neck."
-
"... sat there in a stupor, in a daze of childish wonder as the ribbons and strips, as the ceaseless tongues of paper tried to drown him in their coils..."
-
"They came now in a horde, in a throng, in a rabble, in a swarm."
...
I hate whenever characters "shiver, though not from the cold" in literature. There are 3+ counts of it here:
"...Letitia Louise, who was, even now, trembling visibly beside him, and not from the chill evening air?"
-
"Finn felt a chill that had little to do with the oncoming night. Letitia felt it too..."
-
"Letitia shuddered, but not from the pleasant night air."
...
Vocabulary:
The author very heavily overuses "as well," "about," and "itself." Some other words that are repeated too often: "undulate/undulations," "din," "emanations," "howl," "dim," "gloom," "blur," "gray," "feeble," "pane," "wisp," etc.
-
He uses "smacks of reason," then "smack of magic" in the very next paragraph.
-
Uses of "here and there": 2 (+1 "[this] here, [that] there")
Uses of "loom" (verb): 3
Uses of "ponderous": 3
...
I didn't notice any typos, at least.
...
The main character (and less often his wife) spew out these random two-word phrases throughout. It quickly gets old:
"Great Socks and Shoes" (p. 1)
-
"Onions and Leeks!" (p. 2)
-
"Pickles and Pots, man, don't do that!" (p. 13)
-
"Bushes and Trees" (p. 15)
-
"Tomatoes and Toads" (p. 15)
-
"Feathers and Birds" (p. 19)
-
"Custard and Clams" (p. 33)
-
"Great Apples and Pears." (p. 34)
-
"Bottles and Bones" (p. 40)
-
"Whistles and Frogs" (p. 44)
-
"Guts and Bloody Gizzards... Whale-shit pie!" (p. 46)
-
"Butter and Bread... If that's not a fleshing blade, then I'm a great pile of whale doo!" (p. 59)
-
"Great Gars and Guppies!" (p. 61)
-
"Fishes and Fruit" (p. 68)
-
"Bitters and Blood" (p. 72)
-
"Snips and Clips" (p. 80)
-
"Scones and Bones" (p. 91)
-
"Sticks and Bricks" (p. 95)
-
"Great Bees and Trees" (p. 106)
-
"Beetles and Bones" (p. 108)
-
"Beads and Weeds" (p. 112)
-
"Great Tails and Snails, man..." (p. 130)
-
"Stones and Scones" (p. 140)
-
"Great Tarts and Farts" (p. 150)
-
"Crocks and Socks" (p. 155)
-
"Skillets and Pans" (p. 161)
-
"Dips and Flips" (p. 196)
-
"Great Pies and Skies" (p. 198)
-
"Buttons and Snaps" (p. 200)
-
"Trees and Bees" (p. 202) - [I guess they're not "great" this time; also, they're reversed.]
-
"Kettles and Pots" (p. 216)
-
"Bricks and Sticks" (p. 223)
-
"Bones and Stones" (p. 236)
-
"Bogs and Frogs." (p. 260)
-
"Stones and Bones" (p. 263) - [A repeat, but reversed.]
-
"Kites and Mites" (p. 269)
-
"Rooks and Books" (p. 270)
-
"Fits and Mitts" (p. 274)
-
"Snails and Whales" (p. 284)
-
"Rocks and Socks" (p. 289) & (p. 335)
-
"Bees and Trees" (p. 297) - [One last time.]
-
"Birds and Turds" (p. 299)
-
"Fleas and Bees" (p. 310)
-
"Great Frogs and Logs" (p. 310)
...
4/10
I would definitely classify this as fantasy, with just a pinch of steampunk (the spine says "Science Fiction"). Many elements of the story are vague at best. There are very minor characters and events early on that seem important at the time but end up being abandoned. Nothing ever happens with the titular prophecy machine. One prophecy is shown, but it's gibberish, and the author makes no attempt to explain or decode it.
This novel is set in a world where nine (?) species of animals were transformed into humanoids 300 years or so ago by a small group (or duo?) of "seers." These creatures are known collectively as "Newlies" and are generally treated with great prejudice. The only species I was able to (eventually) discern are: mouse (Mycer), cat (Howlie), dog (Bowser), bat (Vampie), fox (Foxer), and bull (Bullie). The "Dobbins" were originally horses, I guess. The author did an abysmal job of clarifying things for the reader, and the names, as you can see, do not all follow the same logic. Another unclear thing is just how human/animal they are supposed to appear; are we talking full-on furries here, or just humanoids with a few animal parts? (The Vampie evidently retains its wings and fur.)
Finn is a human craftsman, a maker of "lizards" (lizard-shaped steampunk devices designed for various uses). He is on vacation (or possibly honeymoon) with his (new?) illegal Mycer wife, Letitia Louise. It wasn't clear until p. 58 that members of her kind were originally mice. At first, I didn't realize "Newlie" was a blanket term (and for some reason, I pictured something amphibious). Then, her rather minimal description had me thinking she was a rabbit person for the longest time... Finn also brings along his most "impressive" creation. A haughty, squawking lizard made from 17 different metals and a ferret's brain named Julia Jessica Slagg. Their destination is an island of some sort, but they stop unexpectedly at a very odd place called Makasar, where they remain for the rest of the novel.
I don't believe the author even knew where he wanted to take this story. There were a handful of concepts that I might have enjoyed if they were in another book by some other author.
...
The way the characters incessantly viewed Letitia as little more than a highly attractive piece of property disturbed me. At one point, she even calls herself lovely (or something to that effect). And due to the author's failure to explain how she looks, I don't know how human her features are or whether or not she's covered in fur.
-
"That Newlie you got there, Master Finn? Could she take off her clothes? By damn, I'd like to see that." [...]
-
"Letitia sat up straight, eyes big as biscuits, throwing off the sheet, baring lovely private parts." [...]
...
Sabatino allegedly never wears green; he hates it (he wears every other color). But:
"Sabatino paused, studied the ring on his finger, watching it catch the light. The stone was a brilliant green, the size of a lump of coal. And worth about as much..." So why the heck would he wear a large, worthless piece of jewelry in a color he openly despises?
...
Just a few examples of the ceaseless synonym stringing, taken from the last quarter of the book:
"Finn stared, shaken beyond belief. Shocked, stunned, surprised..."
-
"He staggered, then, with a shudder, a shiver, a chill at the back of his neck."
-
"... sat there in a stupor, in a daze of childish wonder as the ribbons and strips, as the ceaseless tongues of paper tried to drown him in their coils..."
-
"They came now in a horde, in a throng, in a rabble, in a swarm."
...
I hate whenever characters "shiver, though not from the cold" in literature. There are 3+ counts of it here:
"...Letitia Louise, who was, even now, trembling visibly beside him, and not from the chill evening air?"
-
"Finn felt a chill that had little to do with the oncoming night. Letitia felt it too..."
-
"Letitia shuddered, but not from the pleasant night air."
...
Vocabulary:
The author very heavily overuses "as well," "about," and "itself." Some other words that are repeated too often: "undulate/undulations," "din," "emanations," "howl," "dim," "gloom," "blur," "gray," "feeble," "pane," "wisp," etc.
-
He uses "smacks of reason," then "smack of magic" in the very next paragraph.
-
Uses of "here and there": 2 (+1 "[this] here, [that] there")
Uses of "loom" (verb): 3
Uses of "ponderous": 3
...
I didn't notice any typos, at least.
...
The main character (and less often his wife) spew out these random two-word phrases throughout. It quickly gets old:
"Great Socks and Shoes" (p. 1)
-
"Onions and Leeks!" (p. 2)
-
"Pickles and Pots, man, don't do that!" (p. 13)
-
"Bushes and Trees" (p. 15)
-
"Tomatoes and Toads" (p. 15)
-
"Feathers and Birds" (p. 19)
-
"Custard and Clams" (p. 33)
-
"Great Apples and Pears." (p. 34)
-
"Bottles and Bones" (p. 40)
-
"Whistles and Frogs" (p. 44)
-
"Guts and Bloody Gizzards... Whale-shit pie!" (p. 46)
-
"Butter and Bread... If that's not a fleshing blade, then I'm a great pile of whale doo!" (p. 59)
-
"Great Gars and Guppies!" (p. 61)
-
"Fishes and Fruit" (p. 68)
-
"Bitters and Blood" (p. 72)
-
"Snips and Clips" (p. 80)
-
"Scones and Bones" (p. 91)
-
"Sticks and Bricks" (p. 95)
-
"Great Bees and Trees" (p. 106)
-
"Beetles and Bones" (p. 108)
-
"Beads and Weeds" (p. 112)
-
"Great Tails and Snails, man..." (p. 130)
-
"Stones and Scones" (p. 140)
-
"Great Tarts and Farts" (p. 150)
-
"Crocks and Socks" (p. 155)
-
"Skillets and Pans" (p. 161)
-
"Dips and Flips" (p. 196)
-
"Great Pies and Skies" (p. 198)
-
"Buttons and Snaps" (p. 200)
-
"Trees and Bees" (p. 202) - [I guess they're not "great" this time; also, they're reversed.]
-
"Kettles and Pots" (p. 216)
-
"Bricks and Sticks" (p. 223)
-
"Bones and Stones" (p. 236)
-
"Bogs and Frogs." (p. 260)
-
"Stones and Bones" (p. 263) - [A repeat, but reversed.]
-
"Kites and Mites" (p. 269)
-
"Rooks and Books" (p. 270)
-
"Fits and Mitts" (p. 274)
-
"Snails and Whales" (p. 284)
-
"Rocks and Socks" (p. 289) & (p. 335)
-
"Bees and Trees" (p. 297) - [One last time.]
-
"Birds and Turds" (p. 299)
-
"Fleas and Bees" (p. 310)
-
"Great Frogs and Logs" (p. 310)
...
4/10
September 27, 2016
Magic, maidens, monsters, machines and a little mayhem
“The Prophesy Machine” is the first book in the Investments Series written by Neal Barrett Jr. and narrated by Jeff Hays. It is a rather light-hearted and somewhat unique steampunk adventure revolving around a couple on vacation who gets left on the shores of a country with strange people having even stranger customs. The country has multiple religious’ factions ruling during various times of the day and night. The one thing both of these religious groups can agree on is the horrid and deadly sin of hospitality. Things start to quickly do awry when the two main characters, and their mechanical lizard, ask a shopkeeper for a place to stay. If this all sounds interesting, continue reading to learn more.
The book opens with the couple destine for a different vacation location, however due to circumstances they find themselves dropped off in this very strange country. The story itself is well written and the prose was one that I rather liked. There was action, adventure, and audacious activity throughout the book. The author did a good job of bringing you into the story through his ability to describe the scene and characters without being overly narrative. Although the book contained magic, maidens, monsters, machines and a little mayhem, I liked the unique characters along with their backgrounds which did not fit into the standard fantasy or science fiction works I have previously read. I believe this to be my first book where one of the main characters was a pet mechanical lizard; what could go wrong?
Most of the action during the book takes place in a home that when described by the author reminded me of the Adams Family having its own servant; Squeen. The couple spends some time with a local family that is best described as dysfunctional and at worst completely crazy. We witness a son that acts oddly, a father that is even odder than the son, and a grandfather who is over the top irrational. Each of these brings a level of chaos to the couple who just wants to go home. For them this will be a unforgettable trip.
I liked the way Fin’s emotions were expressed, consisting often of two word saying such as “Rocks and Socks!”, etc. It got to the point where I was often wondering what words the author would blend together next. Although the author did a good job of writing a light-hearted book, there are very few areas that may make the book not suitable for young adult readers. There are a few scenes of rather descriptive and graphic violence. Not something one would witness in a book or movie such as “Lord of the Rings”; heads being severed, etc. Secondly, I believe there were two places where vulgar language was used. This was subtle and did not stand out or used excessively like other books in its genre. Thirdly, the book did contain some sexual over and undertones often through expressions of affection or desire for another character. Teenagers and above, I believe, would enjoy this book.
As stated earlier, the narrator of the audiobook version is by Jeff Hays. Mr. Hays currently has over fifty titles he has narrated on Audible and I always see his performances rated either four or five stars. He is one of the most consistent narrators I have come across and one can quickly tell that he has a passion to produce professional material and to get this to the public who might otherwise not read it. Jeff is skilled at telling a story and also knows the power of leveraging audio effects in ways that draws his listeners deeper into the story.
Mr. Hays continues to astonish me with his ability to voice the many different characters in the book and not make them sounds the same or like other characters he has voiced in other books. He again hits a homerun narrating both male and female voices in this story. The audio quality is also what I have come to expect from him. It is clear, pure, and top-notch. As if it were done by a professional recording studio.
A book including galleons, gears, guns, and gadgets made my reading enjoyable and fun. It should be noted that this is the first in a series of what I believe is a two-part work. However, one could complete this book and not feel there were open story lines needing to be addressed, no cliff hangers requiring a second book. The author did include the words, “To be continued…” at the conclusion of the book. So, if you are interested in the additional activities of this couple, pick up the second book to find out.
“The Prophesy Machine” is the first book in the Investments Series written by Neal Barrett Jr. and narrated by Jeff Hays. It is a rather light-hearted and somewhat unique steampunk adventure revolving around a couple on vacation who gets left on the shores of a country with strange people having even stranger customs. The country has multiple religious’ factions ruling during various times of the day and night. The one thing both of these religious groups can agree on is the horrid and deadly sin of hospitality. Things start to quickly do awry when the two main characters, and their mechanical lizard, ask a shopkeeper for a place to stay. If this all sounds interesting, continue reading to learn more.
The book opens with the couple destine for a different vacation location, however due to circumstances they find themselves dropped off in this very strange country. The story itself is well written and the prose was one that I rather liked. There was action, adventure, and audacious activity throughout the book. The author did a good job of bringing you into the story through his ability to describe the scene and characters without being overly narrative. Although the book contained magic, maidens, monsters, machines and a little mayhem, I liked the unique characters along with their backgrounds which did not fit into the standard fantasy or science fiction works I have previously read. I believe this to be my first book where one of the main characters was a pet mechanical lizard; what could go wrong?
Most of the action during the book takes place in a home that when described by the author reminded me of the Adams Family having its own servant; Squeen. The couple spends some time with a local family that is best described as dysfunctional and at worst completely crazy. We witness a son that acts oddly, a father that is even odder than the son, and a grandfather who is over the top irrational. Each of these brings a level of chaos to the couple who just wants to go home. For them this will be a unforgettable trip.
I liked the way Fin’s emotions were expressed, consisting often of two word saying such as “Rocks and Socks!”, etc. It got to the point where I was often wondering what words the author would blend together next. Although the author did a good job of writing a light-hearted book, there are very few areas that may make the book not suitable for young adult readers. There are a few scenes of rather descriptive and graphic violence. Not something one would witness in a book or movie such as “Lord of the Rings”; heads being severed, etc. Secondly, I believe there were two places where vulgar language was used. This was subtle and did not stand out or used excessively like other books in its genre. Thirdly, the book did contain some sexual over and undertones often through expressions of affection or desire for another character. Teenagers and above, I believe, would enjoy this book.
As stated earlier, the narrator of the audiobook version is by Jeff Hays. Mr. Hays currently has over fifty titles he has narrated on Audible and I always see his performances rated either four or five stars. He is one of the most consistent narrators I have come across and one can quickly tell that he has a passion to produce professional material and to get this to the public who might otherwise not read it. Jeff is skilled at telling a story and also knows the power of leveraging audio effects in ways that draws his listeners deeper into the story.
Mr. Hays continues to astonish me with his ability to voice the many different characters in the book and not make them sounds the same or like other characters he has voiced in other books. He again hits a homerun narrating both male and female voices in this story. The audio quality is also what I have come to expect from him. It is clear, pure, and top-notch. As if it were done by a professional recording studio.
A book including galleons, gears, guns, and gadgets made my reading enjoyable and fun. It should be noted that this is the first in a series of what I believe is a two-part work. However, one could complete this book and not feel there were open story lines needing to be addressed, no cliff hangers requiring a second book. The author did include the words, “To be continued…” at the conclusion of the book. So, if you are interested in the additional activities of this couple, pick up the second book to find out.
August 12, 2016
It's been a while since I read this, but I don't think I'd read it again. I read it mainly because I recognized Daniel Merriam's art on the cover.
If I recall correctly, the culture of the place the main characters end up in made no logical sense, the characters themselves completely failed to do anything constructive to get out of their situation, and left just as confused as when they arrived; the last being more or less also how I felt about the book. I certainly don't think I figured out what the Prophecy Machine in the story was, what it was supposed to do, or why everyone was so concerned with it.
However, there were some very interesting ideas in the story, such as the animal people and new forms of racism that went with that, and I quite enjoyed the writing itself. It was just too bad these good qualities were wasted on such a pointless plot and flat characters.
If I recall correctly, the culture of the place the main characters end up in made no logical sense, the characters themselves completely failed to do anything constructive to get out of their situation, and left just as confused as when they arrived; the last being more or less also how I felt about the book. I certainly don't think I figured out what the Prophecy Machine in the story was, what it was supposed to do, or why everyone was so concerned with it.
However, there were some very interesting ideas in the story, such as the animal people and new forms of racism that went with that, and I quite enjoyed the writing itself. It was just too bad these good qualities were wasted on such a pointless plot and flat characters.
July 4, 2013
Interesting ideas, lacking in the execution. A very unique world where science brought several animal species to human level of sentience – making them bipedal and humanoid in appearance and then making it against the law for humans and the “newlies” to fraternize. The main character is a Master Lizard Maker – he makes mechanical lizards. That is his sole speciality – and he is quite good at it, seeing that foreign kings want his work. However, he is way too verbose (and I know, that's in character – the other characters often comment on this flaw) but it takes away from the story reading him ramble on. Julia Jessica Slagg – the lizard that he made that is quite unique from all his other mechanical lizards, is a wonderful character, fully of biting sarcasm, but she isn't quite enough to save this series.
February 14, 2014
I picked this up because it was a seminal work in the steampunk genre, however I was left disappointed to realize that the early promise of this novel would never go anywhere, the series never made it past the first book and steampunk would take another several decades to gain anything more than a cult following. While historically interesting it would be best for the avid reader to avoid beginning this book as there remains a great deal of untold story, I personally cannot bear to be left in the lurch and find an unfinished story (or unfinished series) to be little better than no story at all!
July 23, 2012
Y'know what, I really enjoyed this at the beginning, and the book does weave a fine fantasy tale...
But the dialogue... the dialogue...
The politeness of the characters grated on every page, and - as I have been taught - dialogue should always be read aloud to make sure it works. And I sounded like a mencap when I tried it.
I'm not saying 'don't read this book', as I would never do that to a writer, and I think you should try it in case my ear for dialogue is way off.
If it was easy on my ear... eye?... then I would give this steampunk-ish tale a big 4 out of 5...
But the dialogue... the dialogue...
The politeness of the characters grated on every page, and - as I have been taught - dialogue should always be read aloud to make sure it works. And I sounded like a mencap when I tried it.
I'm not saying 'don't read this book', as I would never do that to a writer, and I think you should try it in case my ear for dialogue is way off.
If it was easy on my ear... eye?... then I would give this steampunk-ish tale a big 4 out of 5...
so-bad-i-didn-t-finish
December 25, 2014have had this book for a long time and just saw it listed on a classic steampunk list along with my fav's from Blaylock, Powers, etc. Never really knew this was steampunk but now i'm more excited to read it than ever. With its opposing religions of Hatters and Hooters and mechanized lizards as well as a mysterious machine how could it be bad?
Apparently it can not only be bad but horrible- I can't read anymore of this
Apparently it can not only be bad but horrible- I can't read anymore of this
October 7, 2008
It's been a while since I read this book, but the overall feeling still lingers, and let me tell you...it's a warm and fuzzy feeling. The language is fun, slightly weird (which, if you've read other reviews of mine, I clearly like) and even...original. Strong characters who develop as the story unfolds, but also a great story with lots of weird events happening.
Expect the unexpected.
Expect the unexpected.
September 9, 2013
Meh. The Prophecy Machine was filled with some quirky ideas, and it was a page-turner that read quickly. However, the ideas are never well-fleshed out or grounded in any meaningful context. There's no rhyme or reason, no motives, no real substance.
December 29, 2020
Interesting world building and genuinely funny dialogue at times, but the plot was not enough to capture my attention for long and the only female character was used so frequently as bait for the male characters that she quickly became ornamental.
December 8, 2021
I've read this twice. I don't know what it is about this story but I find it endearing and warm. It has just enough oddness and an interesting commentary on the social issue of loving someone who is considered a 'lower life form.' The story had me gripped. This is all I can ask for in fantasy.
August 10, 2015
If you like bizarre, but very intriguing books then you've got to read this.
July 17, 2012
Surprisingly good. A little silly, but it's sci-fi. I'll probably read it again.
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