Not God's Type: A Rational Academic Finds a Radical Faith

by Holly Ordway

What happens when an atheist college professor at spiritual ground zero asks herself: "What if God is real?" In this memoir of her conversion, Holly Ordway turns her analytical mind toward the path that leads from darkness to light-from death to life. Simultaneously encouraging and bracing, she offers a bold testimony to the ongoing power of the Gospel-a Gospel that can humble and transform even self-assured, accomplished, and secular-minded young professionals like herself.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Faith, Christian, Religion, Christianity

158 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2010

About the author

Holly Ordway is the Cardinal Francis George Professor of Faith and Culture at the Word on Fire Institute, and Visiting Professor of Apologetics at Houston Christian University. She holds a PhD in English from the University of Massachusetts Amherst and is a Subject Editor for the Journal of Inklings Studies. Her literary-critical study Tolkien’s Modern Reading: Middle-earth Beyond the Middle Ages received the 2022 Mythopoeic Scholarship Award in Inklings Studies. Her book Tolkien’s Faith: A Spiritual Biography (Word on Fire Academic) is being published in time for the 50th anniversary of Tolkien’s death.

Reviews

[Jason Mccool · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to say I really enjoyed this book. In fact, I couldn't put it down this afternoon. I grew up in the Christian faith, and never left, despite being in a technical field where one colleague questioned how I can call myself a Christian and an engineer at the same time. Dr. Ordway grew up ignorant of religion and became a proud atheist English Lit professor before turning to God only a few years ago. Although we come from opposite spiritual backgrounds, her unwavering search for truth, no matter where it led, spoke to me like from a kindred spirit. Her discovery of what I already knew from my own experience, that faith was reasonable, but coming from a diametrically opposed worldview as me, made for a fascinating journey to read.

At one point, after she's decided that there is indeed an Uncaused First Cause of the universe, and that the concept of God might explain the origin of the universe that she had glossed over as an atheist, along with her views on morality that she felt she couldn't really justify through her atheism, she says, "Recognizing God as Creator and the Source of all good meant rethinking everything: nothing was exempt from that terrible scrutiny." Terrible scrutiny: there's a lot in those 2 words when we turn unforgiving reason on ourselves. Reading her perspective as an atheist looking at Christians as she was in the process of turning to Christ was enlightening and thought-provoking. It really reinforced how every person's testimony is different and how God works in all kinds of unexpected ways to bring us wayward children back to Him. Her desire for intellectual honesty with herself, her desire not to be "taken in" by some clever tale, but to know, as much as humanly possible, that she had found truth, resonated with me.

I enjoyed her writing style and found it very readable. The chapters detailing her past journey, with short "interludes" between chapters written from the present provided interesting contrasts in perspective. If you've thought of Christianity as superstitious fairy tales believed only by the weak-minded, give this book a read. It's not a structured defense of the faith designed to win debates, just one person's journey to Christ through reason - more eye-witness testimony than apologetics. If you want to dismiss her, you certainly can; she even says that as an atheist, she would've dismissed her story if she hadn't experienced this transformation herself. But then her own observations challenged her theory of what Christianity was, and she found herself, like any scientist, having to adjust her theory when it's predictions didn't match her observations. Something to think about.

[Rachel Libke · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s easy to say that stories are important and that art is powerful, but much more rare to hear objective evidence of this wonderful truth shared. I loved reading Ordway’s clear, visible description of how stories and poetry powerfully changed her life. Literature planted undetected seeds in her heart and imagination decades before the Holy Spirit led her to question her atheism. Beauty, and the love of beauty, is so important. Whether we encounter it in nature or in stories or in fencing, it’s a gift from God that points us back to him. It was such a joy to read Ordway’s account of how that happened in her own life—and even more so as the beauty that particularly affected her was the writings of Tolkien, Lewis, Hopkins, and Donne, which I’ve also seen and experienced.

[Christina Jaloway · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you love a beautifully written conversion story with a hefty dose of nerdiness, this is the book for you. I read it in three sittings and am not ashamed to admit that I have a serious academic crush on Holly Ordway. Highly recommend!

[Jeff Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

There was much in what she wrote that I could relate to from my atheist days.

> “Life inside the fortress of atheism was good. I thought I could make sense of the world just as well as, or much better than, the people who claimed to have faith. I didn’t believe in God, but I had a worldview that felt perfectly satisfactory. It wasn’t a particularly cheery view, but I preferred truth over comfort any day.

She relates her love of reading and then how Tolkien's works changed everything for her. As she says her imagination had been baptized in Middle-earth. It would take some years for this influence to flower.

Reading through this I could not help to think about how I had deprived myself by purposely avoiding Tolkien and Fantasy in general and priding myself on SF as the most realistic. It was only much later fantasy epics played a part in my life when I wondered why I loved virtuous heroes, while I was not virtuous myself. I think reading Tolkien earlier for me would be like the parable involving rocky soil. It was only on my way into the Church that I even read the Hobbit and the LotR and it is still flowering in me slowly.

What I found most interesting, regarded her fencing coach Josh and his wife Heidi. Holly seemed to have a hair-trigger when it came to attempts by anybody to evangelize her, to sell her Jesus. Josh was not an evangelizer looking to just put another notch on his Bible Belt. He is a Christian that worked at being good at his job, respecting others, and building relationships. Over years he was there to train her and answer questions as they came up, especially as she started to wonder about religion.

I think many Christians would have scared her off as she started to tentatively ask questions. Josh really seemed to be the perfect person to play such a role in her life and to challenge her as necessary. To show her the intellectual arguments over a period of time.

>I was stunned by the very concept that there were rational arguments for the existence of God. Never mind whether I agreed with the arguments or not, the simple fact that Josh said, “Let’s reason this out” rather than “You have to take it on faith” made me want to keep talking.
>
>What’s more, these arguments made frighteningly good sense. I could see, even right there in that casino coffee shop in Reno, Nevada, that they made more sense than I wanted to admit.

This paragraph was one I could totally relate to upon first hearing a summary version of St. Aquinas' Five Ways of Knowing God. I was stunned by the idea that there were rational arguments for the existence of God.

Her portrayal of Josh gave me a lot to think about and the kind of slow-brew evangelization he practiced. One that was not about him. Holly would not end up joining the church he was part of and she initially became Anglican before coming into the Church. I got no sense from the book that there was any tension regarding this.

Overall this was a very good read. Her writing is so evocative and pulled me into the moments of her life, not just the ones I could directly relate to.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was very excited that my library agreed to buy this ebook. To bad it didn't live up to my expectations. Here is how I explained the major flaw of this book to my husband:

It's not academic enough to feel like you have the solid information that books like The Case for Christ do, nor did Ordway share enough details of her life for me to feel like it was an interesting account of someone's personal journey.

While this was an interesting premise, the author doesn't have great storytelling skills and left out all but the barest bones of personal details. She alludes to a romantic relationship at the beginning of the book that was really tough but never gives you even the bearest of details about it after that.
Two other issues I had with this book. The first is she subtly suggested that how her fencing instructor shared his faith with her was so much better than how other Christians do it. I have no doubt that God was leading him in how he shared his faith with her, but I always have an issue with saying there is only one way to share the gospel (which is not to be confused with the truth there is only one gospel). Second, the section about her conversion to Catholicism was sloppy. While so much of this book was steeped in her thoughtful exploration of Jesus, her journey with the church was filled with poor logic, emotionalism, and unbalanced arguments. I am not trying to say that she personally was that way, but how it was written was that way.
Overall, while an interesting concept, this book lacked a lot of key elements to be a great book. It's sad because it had potential.

[Carol Bakker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Holly Ordway was always a reader. She dwelled in the world of fantasy, especially J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings (the centerpiece of her doctoral dissertation) and chose to teach literature. The beauty of the works of Gerard Manley Hopkins and George Herbert moved her but she was firmly entrenched in her atheism.

She took up fencing. Her fencing coach Josh was different from any Christian she had known. This friendship was a key piece in the tectonic shift she experienced. [I can't help but think also of Rosaria Butterfield, another literature professor who converted to Christianity after a deep friendship with a Christian man (and his wife).]

The first edition of this book was published by (Protestant) Moody and ended with Holly becoming a Happy Anglican. (Catholic) Ignatius published this edition which chronicles her further journey to Rome.

Why haven't I heard about Holly Ordway until last month when I listened to Ken Myer's program Mars Hill Audio Journal? So many of my literary friends who like Joseph Pearce, John Mark Reynolds, Malcolm Guite, and Michael Ward, would greatly enjoy reading this book.

I look forward to reading her newest book, Tolkien's Modern Reading which examines Tolkien's broad reading habits and how they colored LoTR. Her website states, "Tolkien appreciated authors as diverse as James Joyce and Beatrix Potter, Rider Haggard and Edith Nesbit, William Morris and Kenneth Grahame."

[Dylann Scott · Rating 2 out of 5]

I debated with myself a lot what star rating to give this book. I absolutely didn't like it and it's going in my didn't finish pile, but I don't think that is or should be the only factor in a book review. I didn't like it, but is it just because it's not my taste? What promises does the book make and how well does it fulfill them? Does it live up to its genre's expectations? Is it sound and internally consistent?

I think my final answers to these last three questions are "ehhh," "not really," and "almost, but no."

The title of the book definitely makes certain promises. That's a fun, punchy title that suggests an at least somewhat similar voice. I can't put too much weight on that, because I don't know how much control the author had over the title, and actual summaries of the book were more sedate. That's fine. I still would have liked some sense of that voice, some degree of fun or snark or just looseness in the actual text. I've read other Catholic writers who are very good at writing accessible, interesting prose that's not hard to get through. Instead, Ordway gives us phrasing like "dynamic awareness of being in a relationship with a trinitarian God." Not winning any prizes for simplicity of form.

There's also that I rather expected this to be written like a memoir, and it really isn't. Conversion stories generally would fall into the category of memoirs, right? Memoirs contain both the broad strokes and also some specific memories, but specific, easy to process reminiscences are nowhere to be found here. It's ALL broad strokes that make it really hard to get invested in Ordway's story. It makes the text feel even denser than the word choices do.

Finally, there's the question of does it hold up, is it logical, and unfortunately the answer is still no. Most of Ordway's story is fine, logically: she talks about discovering God through great Christian literature, and having a sense that there was something she wanted that they had, but it taking time to figure out what it was. All fine and great. The problem is that Ordway leans on a fallacy that people of faith often believe in, which is that it's impossible to understand what faith is and still not be faithful. She's not exactly calling herself stupid for being an atheist, but she's spending an awful lot of time dwelling on how ignorant she finds her past self. What's worse is that she's describing the fallacy atheists usually believe about people of faith, while apparently subscribing wholesale to the fallacy people of faith usually believe about atheists. People of faith and atheists are never going to be able to have a conversation until we can both let go of believing that the other side must be stupid.

What I was hoping for was an accessible conversion story that I could recommend to friends who were interested, and maybe help bring God into a few more people's lives. What I got, at least in the first several chapters, was densely-written navelgazing about what a miserable and ignorant life atheists lead. Ultimately this book will only serve to make Catholics feel good (perhaps even superior?) about their faith. It's not going to help non-Christians at all, which are who really need it.

(Also, a specific peeve: "I thought of Christians as colonizers who crushed native faiths, but I couldn't reconcile that with native faiths that involved human sacrifice" is dumb. She names one indigenous faith out of thousands that existed that very flashily involved human sacrifice and implies that that somehow absolves white Europeans of being genocidal colonizers. I Assure You It Does Not.)

[Erin · Rating 1 out of 5]

the story of a liberal feminist who chooses bigotry and not thinking for herself

so this starts out about a woman's search for meaning

cool cool cool

we all need something, and christianity apparently fits the bill for this woman, who is technically an academic but does some lazy analysis in order to "think" herself into christianity

like she doesn't want to admit that she likes it, but she really likes it

and that's fine, i don't personally agree that occam's razor proves the existence of god, but you do you

then, towards the end, the book takes a hard left into crazy town

because if you're going to be an asshole, go full asshole: go catholic

now i'm not saying all catholics are assholes

i know many of them who are not bigots, as this woman freely admits herself to be

but when she decides to be a catholic, it's because contraceptives and sex and "non-traditional" marriage

(by the way, which type of marriage is traditional? is it the one where my dad gets a herd of sheep in exchange for me? or do the sheep come along with me, i forget)

are icky

so here's the important part:

your faith, your church, your beliefs do not exist in a vacuum

history and culture exist though you choose not to include them in the narrative of your journey

i would like you to say to my face that i will face perfect judgment before the sky wizard and be found wanting

your conclusion admits that you like being catholic because it demands a childlike lack of critical thought

that is certainly radical, and also sad

in conclusion, please never vote

i will be over here, picking up my birth control pills from the pharmacy, provided free by my insurance

(thanks obama)

maybe i'll get some condoms so i can have safe sex with a stranger just for the orgasms

pick up some plan b while i'm here just in case

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read a review in Books and Culture about this book. It would be a good book to read for an apologetics class in seminary. This is the second edition of the book. The subtitle has changed from: A Rational Academic Finds a Radical Faith to: An Atheist Academic Lays Down Her Arms. Also, a new last chapter - she has become Catholic (she was an Episcopalian in her first formative years as a Christian). This is a thoughtful read about her process in becoming a Christian. She is a reader - loving the Inklings - before becoming a Christian and she still loves them! She is also a fencer! And, she has a fencing coach - Josh - who is a Christian and a good listener. I'm guessing he is an evangelical - from the description of the church that he attends. I wanted to know more about her relationship with Josh, once she becomes Catholic. Holly Ordway is a professor (Apologetics/English) at Houston Bible University. Well that truly is amazing - who would imagine! I wish she had written more about her conversion (maybe it's just a giant step from Episcopalian to Catholicism) to Catholicism. I read this in Rome - well a perfect place to read it - surrounded by so many Catholics! While there, I talked with a couple who had been Protestant missionaries in Africa and are now Catholics. Still need to hear more of their story. I'm now an Episcopalian (grew up Baptist!) - not becoming a Catholic, but I'm learning more and more to help me appreciate Catholic thought and practices.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I want to preface this review by saying that I am a Christian, but I am curious about the faith journeys of people who began their lives as atheists.
Ordway was one of those arrogant professors who delights in taunting Christian teenagers. For a person with such a prideful attitude, I was a bit surprised to discover how shockingly ignorant she was of the basic features of Christianity. She was a Literature professor who had never read the Bible!
One thing she did believe in was Truth. Once she began her journey of discovery, she was determined to face it bravely and if necessary face a meaningless universe without despair. She describes herself as a "tough-minded" person. Her fencing teacher was too and they had a solid relationship of trust between them. He was willing to talk with her about his Christian faith, but he never acted like a salesman, cited Bible verses or tried to give details of his walk with God. He simply answered her questions as they came.
For Ordway, the essential progression of ideas led from a First Cause (aka Intelligent Creator God) eventually to a Perfect God who chooses to interact with humanity.
Her account of her conversion is full of fascinating detail, but a bit rushed near the end.

[Brother Brandon]

Read this for a book review for my evangelism course at Wycliffe.

God is always the one who saves, but C.S. Lewis seems to always be helpful along the way.

[Natalie Print · Rating 5 out of 5]

I whizzed through this book, it was a joy to read. I found it very insightful to hear from someone who was a committed atheist and how she came to came to become a committed Christian. The author is very honest and has considered her thinking and experience carefully, so that she can present it in a clear and engaging way. Although I didn't agree with all the conclusions which led the author to commit to the Roman Catholic church, that is a minor point, and I would still recommend it to readers, whether they identify themselves as atheist, Christian, or something else!

[Julie Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good, straight forward telling of a conversion driven by intellect and fencing.

[Paulus · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nerdy, fun, and engaging. 4.5 stars.


Holly Ordway tells the story of her conversion first to Christianity (under the form of Anglicanism) and finally to Catholicism. Her particular story is especially interesting because of her personality and unique interests: she is an introvert, a professional literary critic and academic, a competitive fencer, a Trekkie, and a lover of C.S. Lewis, JRR Tolkien, and the poetry of Gerard Manley Hopkins.

If you’re into any of those things, read this book!

I don’t think Ordway wrote this book to convert atheists (though truth-seeking atheists would appreciate her strong aversion to emotivism and her commitment to following truth and logic wherever they lead) or to persuade non-Catholic Christians to become Roman Catholic (the bulk of the book is about her journey from atheism to Christianity — only the final chapters treat her conversion to Catholicism). Rather, her main objective seems to be simply to share her own experience of discovering the liberating beauty and truth of the Christian faith and the Catholic Church, and to encourage others along the journey. That said, she does provide many helpful nuggets of philosophy and apologetics regarding the reasonability of belief in God and in the historicity of Jesus Christ’s resurrection. I especially appreciated how she mentioned many particular books that were helpful to her. I also enjoyed how she integrated her love for literature (esp. Tolkien, Lewis, and Hopkins) by including quotations throughout, even of poems. It provided a nice seasoning for the story.

Holly adds her voice to the chorus of those who have found themselves led by reason and grace to embrace Jesus Christ and the Catholic Church. She has found “the answer to all the riddles” (to quote Tolkien) and her spiritual home. Thanks for sharing your journey, Holly!

[Karen (Living Unabridged) · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this one more than I did. Former atheist becomes convinced in a "First Cause", loves Tolkien & Lewis, approaches the question of faith rationally, and is eventually converted? Sounds like my cup of tea.

Except...

1. I don't really care much about fencing. And the author does, very much.
2. The path from atheism to faith is well described. But the path from faith to Catholicism? Not so much. Our once diligently rational professor bends to emotionalism and mysticism. (When explaining why she didn't chose the first evangelical church she attended, she basically just says, "It didn't feel right and my feelings wanted something else." So. Many. Feelings.)

As a Christian, I do appreciate this title in the vein of "Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert" or "Booked" or "Surprised by Oxford", but it's not something I'm likely to read again or recommend very highly.

[Claudia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actually, the book I read is the 2014 edition which has a different title: "Not God's Type: An Atheist Academic Lays Down Her Arms." I believe that title is likely to be more accurate in describing her former stance, than the term "Rational Academic". I was disappointed that Goodreads had only the one choice to select. However, I really liked this book. Ordway's academic background is literature, especially the genre of fantasy and folklore, and I liked her style of weaving quotes from The Lord of the Rings or The Chronicles of Narnia into her story. I also enjoyed reading about her intellectual and rational investigation of whether or not God exists.

[crsalm]

As a self identified “tender-minded” person (woe), I found myself wishing for less apologetics and more of her interior journey, less black and white conviction and more nuance and compassion in her treatment of the beliefs/perspectives she held before, maybe less of a blow by blow of her intellectual conversion to Protestantism and more of her abrupt conversion to Catholicism in the end? - but I recognise that this book was perhaps just not intended for me, and I am heartened by her journey nonetheless (:

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a memoir of how a rational academic atheist came to faith in Christ. I love salvation stories and this one is no exception. The author gives glory to God as she shares that part of her story that relates to God's work in her. It is very encouraging. Easy to read and I am glad I did.

[Paige McGehee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Conversion story with analytical and objective procedures with so many great literary references revealing the beauty of how God calls us through our personal interests and talents.

[Steven H · Rating 5 out of 5]

AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR EXPLAINS HER JOURNEY TO FAITH IN GOD

[NOTE: page numbers below refer to the 158-page paperback edition.]

Author Holly Ordway wrote in the first chapter of this 2010 book, “This book sets out to do what might seem to be a straight-forward task: to recount the experiences of a few months in my life in which I walked away from atheism and entered into Christian faith. Nothing is ever as simple as that…
the following pages are the account of how I turned from death to life---from denying God to committing myself to Christ, my Lord and Savior. It is not the account of how I came to love Him: that came later, and, like the gift of knowing Him, came without my asking. Above all, this is not … my story at all. It is the account of God’s work, a celebration of His mercy; it is the story of grace, acting in and through human beings but always coming from Him and leading to Him.”

She recalls, “At thirty-one years old, I was an atheist college professor---and I delighted in thinking of myself that way. I got a kick out of being an unbeliever; it was fun to consider myself superior unenlightened, superstitious masses, and to make snide comments about Christians… My problem could not be solved by hearing a preacher asserting that Jesus loved me and wanted to save me. I didn’t believe in God to begin with, and I thought the Bible was a collection of folktales and myths… Why should I bother to read the Bible, much less take seriously what it said about this Jesus? I certainly didn’t think an imaginary God would have a real Son. And since I didn’t believe that I had an immortal soul, I wasn’t in the least interested in its purported destination after I died. No God, no afterlife, no hell… no reason to discuss the matter further.” (Pg. 15-16)

She continues, “I thought I knew exactly what faith was, and so I declined to look further. Or perhaps I was afraid that there was more to it than I was willing to credit---but I didn’t want to deal with that. Easier by far to read only books by atheists that told me what I wanted to hear: that I was much smarter and intellectually honest and morally superior than the poor, deluded Christians. I had built myself a fortress of atheism, secure against any attack by irrational faith. And I lived in it, alone.” (Pg. 18)

She acknowledges, “My atheism was eating into my heart like acid. On 9/11 I was at first genuinely shocked by that vicious destruction of innocent life, until I began to rationalize myself out of my emotional reaction. What did these people matter to me? Why should I grieve for strangers? I worked; I stopped caring… In a transitory moment of insight, I recognized my condition as numbness, not superior rationality. However satisfied I declare myself intellectually… it was a terrible place to live… My worldview was entirely negative. My worldview remained satisfying to me only insofar as I refrained from asking the really tough questions.” (Pg. 27)

She joined a fencing club, and “After almost a year of taking lessons, I found out, almost by accident, that my coach was Christian. I was surprised, to say the least. I had a lot of negative stereotypes about Christians, and Josh [the coach] didn’t fit any of them… Nor was he alone in this… I had also gotten to know his wife, Heidi… I liked these people. I enjoyed spending time with them. I wanted to be more like them. And they were Christians!... That’s why the idea of building relationships so that you can share the Gospel rings false with me. If the relationship doesn’t come first, it becomes salesmanship, with Jesus as the product.” (Pg. 40-41)

She recalls a conversation with Josh and Heidi: “We talked about whether it was possible to know that there was something beyond death. We talked about where morality comes from. We talked about the idea of a First Cause, a creator of the universe… All my adult life, if I discussed religion at all, it was to dismiss it as nonsense. Yet there I was, risking honesty about what I believed but had never questioned before---and genuinely listening to ideas that I’d never heard before… They offered no Bible quotes. No sharing of how God had worked in their lives. No appeal to my happiness or peace of mind. What, then? Philosophy. Ideas. Dialogue… I experienced a radical turnaround from my previous perspective on all things God-related… I discovered that ‘faith’ wasn’t anything like I thought it was. It could be based on Reason.” (Pg. 45)

She continues, “[Josh said] ‘He [God] will give each person either perfect justice, or perfect mercy.’ And that was all he said. Perfect justice or perfect mercy… I recognized something important: I didn’t want justice… in my heart I was afraid to be judged on the real self behind my outward image. Perfect justice was terrifying---and yet, completely fair… If there were a god, I recognized that I would rather have mercy than justice.” (Pg. 51)

She notes, “I had been perfectly content with the idea of our universe beginning with the big bang… perhaps the chain of causality just went back infinitely!... Did theists simply answer, ‘God did it’? Well, no. Josh patiently explained what is known … as the ‘kalam cosmological argument’: that it is impossible to have a beginningless universe, or a universe whose beginning is infinitely far in the past, because it is impossible to have an actual infinite… if there were an actual infinite number of moments, we would never be able to arrive at the present moment.” (Pg. 66)

She observes, “if this God were real… that this Creator could, and did, offer eternal life---what then?... A longing awoke in my heart, a longing I had never felt before, or had long forgotten… As I considered the merest chance that it could be, that it really could be so, tears filled my eyes. The possibility of hope cut me to the heart. I realized that now, if it turned out not to be true, I would no longer be indifferent: I would be angry.” (Pg. 85-86)

She states, “When I did encounter God, it was at a moment when I wasn’t consciously ready for it… And therefore, it was the perfect moment for the Spirit to make Himself known to me. Because there was no question of wish fulfillment. God made Himself personally known to me in a way that I could recognize without being completely overwhelmed… There were no visions, no voice, no tears: just a profound and inescapable recognition of the Other. Trust me, it was quite enough.” (Pg. 95)

She adds, “My options were clear… I could choose to turn back, to reject Jesus, and in so doing reject utterly God Himself… Or I could step forward, choose to accept Jesus as my Lord---whatever that entailed… I knew too much, and knew myself too well, to fool myself into thinking there was a middle .. I ground… I had to give Him all, or nothing. Attempting to avoid making a decision would, in itself, be choosing to reject Him.” (Pg. 131)

She concludes, “I realized that my perspective on serving God had changed in the time that I had been working on this book. It had taken a year of planning, then a year of writing… I discovered that in order to do any writing at all, I had to spend more time---much more time---in prayer I realized just how dependent I am on Him… for the strength, patience, focus, and stamina that it takes to use them.” (Pg. 154)

This is a very “personal” book, rather than a work of “intellectual apologetics”; and it will appeal to people seeking such a personal approach to God.

[Sistories · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was so blessed by this book!! Those of us that were raised in Christian homes have no idea what it’s like to not have, that knowledge of and connection to, the Lord readily available to us. We take so much for granted.

It’s obvious from her writing style that Holly is highly educated and while some of us may not share her love for the same type of literature or poetry, she doesn’t go above our heads with her words. She has made it so easy to see things from an non-believers perspective.

Even though I have been a Christian for 20+ years, Holly showed me things that I may not have learned otherwise. I was reminded, from her perspective, just how God uses things, circumstances and people, through the Holy Spirit, to affect someone for His cause, His purpose. I’ve learned to call those Godincidences instead of coincidences. For Holly, poetry was her awakening to God. Her fencing coach was the catalyst that helped bring her face-to-face with God’s truth. God knew he was the best person for the job. He didn’t push Christianity on her or make her feel less than him because she wasn’t a believer but lived it for her to see so she wouldn’t feel intimidated or even disgusted but his faith. He waited for her questions, her interest in the truth.

Once Holly made that leap of faith she didn’t sit back and wait for opportunities to live out her new Christian life but went looking for them. We all can learn from her in this avenue. It’s easy for us to reach a point of apathy when we make Christianity harder than it is. Not that it’s easy but by living the greatest command we don’t have to worry about the do’s and don’ts.

God uses many avenues to reach the lost. What works for some wouldn't work for others. God knows just the right thing or person to use for each individual person he is drawing to Him. "He knew our members before we were born" "He knows the number of our hairs". He knows everything about us. What if her coach hadn't been open to letting God use him? But because he did there is yet another champion for the Kingdom. How many times have we missed the opportunity that God put before us?

This book is definitely one that I will keep on my bookshelf.

~Sharon

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most well-written spiritual memoirs I have ever read. Dr Ordway's conversion was facilitated by what she calls "imaginative apologetics." The seeds were planted by the works of authors like Tolkien and Hopkins, and it was through her encounters with these texts that her moral imagination developed to the point where she could begin to rationally consider the doctrinal teachings of the Christian faith. Ordway beautifully describes this subtle, complex, and deeply personal experience; and her story sheds light on the apologetic role of the beauty and truth in art and culture. I loved her use of excerpts of stories and poems to begin each chapter. A spiritual memoir must be a difficult project, and this one is both profound and enjoyable to read.

[C.S. Wachter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well-written and exactly what it claims to be, one woman’s personal journey from atheism to theism to Christianity . . . and, eventually, Catholicism. It does not claim to be an apologetic or a treatise on religion, and it isn’t. If that is the type of book you are looking to read, this is not it. Though there is a smattering of philosophy that lends interest to the story and credence to her story without bogging the reader down in a swamp of philosophical arguments.

I am grateful for Ms. Ordway’s honesty in sharing her journey openly. I enjoyed this book immensely and recommend it to anyone interested in reading a true, personal account of a modern woman’s path to faith.

[Athena · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love stories of atheists finding God through their own explorations. This is a well thought out book about a woman choosing to pursue truth even when she knows the answers may be life-changing and unsettling. Ordway shares her brave search with us in a way that's easy to relate to, even if we've never been in her situation. I applaud her efforts as a Christian as well as her efforts as a writer.
I won my copy through First Reads.

[Attila · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am an agnostic, and a very close friend gave me this book hoping I could find my faith. It did not really work for me (the main character in the book was a life-long atheist who becomes a believer after she learns about God; while I used to be a believer but later started to question faith), but the book itself was great - the story of someone finding a purpose in life through her clarity and openness.

[Erin Cupp · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's been a long time (read: over 40 years) since I've read an apologetics text that applies reason to the audacious claims made by Christianity but also applies literary analysis to Christian oral tradition to answer the question, "Is Jesus real or legend?" Lucky for me, this was a gift for my Kindle, and so I did not run out of ink in my highlighter. Bonus: it made me miss my downright battered copy of Gerard Manley Hopkins's poetry. In short: highly recommended!

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Lewiseque conversion story. She tells the story of her journey from atheism to Christ, but the pivotal place of imagination is key.
Does she end up in the Roman Catholic Church because of a imagination-deficit in evangelicalism?,

[Luke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating journey from being an atheist with no church background and mocking religion to becoming a conservative Catholic.

[Jeff Zell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holly Ordway. Not God’s Type: An Atheist Academic Lays Down Her Arms. Moody Press, Chicago, 2010. Ignatius Press, San Francisco. 2014.

Inside the book jacket, the following statement is in bold letters at the top of the book description: This is the story of a glorious defeat. Indeed. Ordway chronicles God’s glorious defeat of her fervent atheism. And, because God has a marvelous sense of humor, he uses the most unlikely of people to bring the Gospel to her in a way that disarms her and allows the Word of God, that two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12), to pierce her heart and mind and bring her to faith in Christ.

The defeat took a long time. God’s chosen instrument of communication was Josh, Ordway’s fencing coach. He spoke to her in an intellectual language that she could understand. He exhibited patience and discipline in dealing with Ordway. Not only in fencing, which she readily concedes that she needed, but also during their discussions of the Christian faith. He let her ask questions and set the limits to their conversations. When it was obviously the right time, Josh presented two books to help understand the resurrection. The books are The Risen Jesus and Future Hope by Gary Habermas and The Resurrection of the Son of God by N. T. Wright. He let her ask questions and debated her in a calm and rational way.

When Ordway intellectually assented to the existence of God and that God’s Son died and rose for the sake of the world, he gently encouraged her to connect with a church. She went to his family’s church but that was not for her. The Holy Spirit led her first to an Episcopal Church and then five years later she was received into the Roman Catholic Church.

Ordway tells her story with honesty and integrity. This is not an emotional conversion story but a calm, intellectual one, rich in literature, symbolism, and historical investigation.

In these pages, Ordway offers wise words of counsel for those with ears to hear. She shows how a person of faith and the potential convert often have different meanings of words such as God, cross, sin, salvation. She also shows how Christian earnestness may be perceived by someone who is not a Christian. For example, in college she was invited to cook out. She learned that the fellow student who befriended her was only interested in her as a potential convert, not as a friend. Ordway was turned off by the faux friendship. She skipped the cook out and became leery of “evangelism techniques.” She encourages empathy for when Christians become impatient because where they see “sin” and the need for God, while the not-a-Christian person sees no deficit in their behavior or thinking and has no perceived need for what they think God has to offer. As the Christian becomes persistent, they may appear and be received as arrogant, judgmental, and rude. Consequently, that opportunity is lost.

The edition that I read is the second edition and published by a different publisher. The interviews, questions, and comments that came after the first edition was published helped Ordway discern that God had pursued her for many years. Many things were in place that allowed her to receive the Good News of Jesus Christ as the Good News is intended to be received. Ordway acknowledges with gratitude the Lord’s persistence and grace.

[Justin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Holly's book is an adventure through the intellectual forests and valleys of modern thought. She traces her steps as a defiant atheist professor to the world of Christian scholarship with the guidance of gifted apologists and scholars like Peter Kreeft, C.S. Lewis, G.K. Chesterton and N.T. Wright. On the path she encounters logical argument after logical argument (and some other arguments as well) that seems to point away from her atheism and towards God & Christ, and eventually, the Catholic Church as the pinnacle of the journey.

The argument that first compelled her towards Theism was the argument for a "First Cause" to explain existence. There can be no real meaning to a world without a "First Cause" except mere chance. If matter came into existence by chance, there can no ultimate meaning beyond one's subjective opinion. You might be right (by chance), but you have no way of ever knowing much. Everything is ultimately guess work and conjecture.

A second breakdown in her atheism was that she saw a moral ordering to the world that every culture recognizes. As she investigated the moral argument for God she realized the need for a "Law Giver" for a moral law to actually exist in reality. Otherwise morality also is merely subjective and an arbitrary creation of human minds. True morality cannot exist without a moral law giver up and above every human being (that we are accountable to).

Once a Theist Holly was able to open up to the world of Christian explanation, grounded in miracles and God's creative hand. As she investigated the miracles of Jesus (including the ultimate and most important one, the resurrection). Holly came to realize that the gospels were no work of over active minds writing fiction or some lame wish fulfillment, but rather the truth about the historical Jesus.

Finally Holly moves into the claims of the Catholic Church as being the one true Church, founded by Jesus upon Peter (and the Pope's), the Eucharist and Apostolic Succession. She explains her struggles with Mariology, and some of issues, but in the end Holly is convinced for a variety of reasons that the Catholic Church's claims are true, and that she should join.

Overall a great story of conversion and contemplation. It sometimes gets a bit slow when talking about analogies about her favourite sport of fencing, and maybe once or twice delves a little too much into technical language of philosophy (though she tries to make it as accessible as possible to be sure). Holly makes a case from the strongest arguments for belief in Christianity and Catholicism. It moves a long at a decent pace, and her intellectual relationship with her Christian fencing coach and his wife gives testament to Christians witnessing to their friends in a way that is respectful and challenging at the same time. I read it for a book report for a Master's level class in evangelism and I finished it in 3 days, I didn't find it hard to finish reading Not God's Type, it had a good pace, didn't lag too much at all.