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Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding
To be the child of a compulsive hoarder is to live in a permanent state of unease. Because if my mother is one of those crazy junk-house people, then what does that make me?
When her divorced mother was diagnosed with cancer, New York City writer Jessie Sholl returned to her hometown of Minneapolis to help her prepare for her upcoming surgery and get her affairs in order. While a daunting task for any adult dealing with an aging parent, it's compounded for Sholl by one lifelong, complex, and confounding truth: her mother is a compulsive hoarder. Dirty Secret is a daughter's powerful memoir of confronting her mother's disorder, of searching for the normalcy that was never hers as a child, and, finally, cleaning out the clutter of her mother's home in the hopes of salvaging the true heart of their relationship before it's too late.
Growing up, young Jessie knew her mother wasn't like other mothers: chronically disorganized, she might forgo picking Jessie up from kindergarten to spend the afternoon thrift store shopping. Now, tracing the downward spiral in her mother's hoarding behavior to the death of a long-time boyfriend, she bravely wades into a pathological sea of stuff: broken appliances, moldy cowboy boots, twenty identical pairs of graying bargain-bin sneakers, abandoned arts and crafts, newspapers, magazines, a dresser drawer crammed with discarded eyeglasses, shovelfuls of junk mail . . . the things that become a hoarder's treasures. With candor, wit, and not a drop of sentimentality, Jessie Sholl explores the many personal and psychological ramifications of hoarding while telling an unforgettable mother-daughter tale.
When her divorced mother was diagnosed with cancer, New York City writer Jessie Sholl returned to her hometown of Minneapolis to help her prepare for her upcoming surgery and get her affairs in order. While a daunting task for any adult dealing with an aging parent, it's compounded for Sholl by one lifelong, complex, and confounding truth: her mother is a compulsive hoarder. Dirty Secret is a daughter's powerful memoir of confronting her mother's disorder, of searching for the normalcy that was never hers as a child, and, finally, cleaning out the clutter of her mother's home in the hopes of salvaging the true heart of their relationship before it's too late.
Growing up, young Jessie knew her mother wasn't like other mothers: chronically disorganized, she might forgo picking Jessie up from kindergarten to spend the afternoon thrift store shopping. Now, tracing the downward spiral in her mother's hoarding behavior to the death of a long-time boyfriend, she bravely wades into a pathological sea of stuff: broken appliances, moldy cowboy boots, twenty identical pairs of graying bargain-bin sneakers, abandoned arts and crafts, newspapers, magazines, a dresser drawer crammed with discarded eyeglasses, shovelfuls of junk mail . . . the things that become a hoarder's treasures. With candor, wit, and not a drop of sentimentality, Jessie Sholl explores the many personal and psychological ramifications of hoarding while telling an unforgettable mother-daughter tale.
308 pages, Paperback
First published December 28, 2010
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About the author
Jessie Sholl
2 books53 followersJessie Sholl is the author of Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding. She's also the coeditor of the nonfiction anthology Travelers’ Tales Prague and the Czech Republic. Her essays and stories have appeared in national newspapers and journals, and she holds an MFA from The New School University, where she currently teaches both fiction and nonfiction writing.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 356 reviews
July 14, 2011
This book is well written, at times even a page turner. However, it's a bit of a bait and switch. I picked it up thinking I was going to read "a daughter coming clean about her mother's compulsive hoarding" not "the memoir of a woman who grew up with a hoarder." There's a difference. When the book deals with the hoarding mother and the author's relationship with her, it's very interesting. Sholl should have kept to this ground. Instead, she takes long detours to tell stories of her own pedestrian issues and adventures. She tells us in detail about meeting her husband, having a repetitive stress injury, even about adopting a dog and subletting her apartment. These events seem to have little or nothing to do with her relationship with her hoarding mother or even one another. It feels like Jessie Sholl did a lot of writing exercises using her life and then strung these together. It's more like a collection of well written blog posts than a memoir, and certainly not a memoir about growing up with a hoarder once you're past the first 100 pages. The mother barely even reappears after that.
I feel like one of two things happened. Either Jessie Sholl wrote a memoir of her life, and someone, maybe Sholl herself, decided the hoarding aspect would be the best way to market it. Or Jessie Sholl tried to write a memoir of her relationship with her hoarder mother, but didn't know how to take the focus off herself.
I feel like one of two things happened. Either Jessie Sholl wrote a memoir of her life, and someone, maybe Sholl herself, decided the hoarding aspect would be the best way to market it. Or Jessie Sholl tried to write a memoir of her relationship with her hoarder mother, but didn't know how to take the focus off herself.
February 22, 2011
After reading this book, I do not feel like I have any greater understanding of hoarding behavior than I did going in. I do, however, feel like I have a much greater knowledge about scabies infections much less patience with whiny self-indulgent justification memoirs. Yeech.
Most of this book is about family drama, much (but not all) of which is caused by the hoarding behavior of the author's mother. But then there are diversions - the chapter that goes into ridiculous detail about the author's struggle with Repetitive Stress Injury, the chapter that goes into a depth of detail about the author's struggle with depression, the chapter about whether or not they got their fancy dog from an animal hoarder, and the chapter about the author's trip to Europe (bankrolled by her Bad!Hoarding!Mother) where she met her husband. It's like being confronted with a hoard of story - choices about what to include and what to discard seem arbitrary, or unmade altogether. In a similar way, when she describes her mother's house, whole paragraphs become nothing more than laundry lists of items her mother is saving.
"The hallway is packed with stacks of even more ignored mail--her phone gets shut off on a semiregular basis because she can't find the bills--two ironing boards, a mound of ratty looking sweaters, winter boots and coats and snow pants heaped directly underneath an empty metal coatrack, at least one box of marshmallow Peeps, milk colored storage bins that I know without checking are empty, an oversized plastic pail containing ironic jugs of Lysol and Pine-Sol, and dozens of unopened white plastic Savers bags with the receipts still stapled to the top."
It gets to the point where it almost stops being a description and becomes a slightly obsessive catalog, which does not make for interesting reading.
But the main reason that I didn't like this memoir was because I had no sympathy for the narrator. The book, to me, did not read as the story of a good person caught up in bad circumstances. It read as a recounting of the self-involved drama created by the author in relation to the worsening health of her parents and her mother's mental illness.
When her father, just recovering from a heart attack and major surgery, is having a middle-of-the-night health crisis, the author responds by fainting (twice), shouting at the 9-1-1 operator, and demanding to speak with her supervisor. I get that not everyone is at their best in moments of crisis, but that seemed part and parcel of her general behavior. It is hard to feel warmly towards a woman who gets irate and defensive over a potential sublet tenant (who will be required to mail in six months worth of rent up front in advance) mentioning that her agent thought the apartment was 'kind of dirty' while blithely failing to let said tenant know of the months long scabies infection that she and her husband have been dealing with since returning from her mother's house. She calls her mother's neighbor (who shovels the walk, and expresses concern for her mom) as "The Mean Lesbian" because that is how her mentally ill mother refers to her. That's not funny. That's just mean spirited.
I wish this book had been a deeper or more insightful work about hoarding, but at the end of the day it's not much more than another contribution to the Grown Women Who Still Blame Their Mothers For Everything genre. This one just happens to have a hoarded house as a backdrop.
Most of this book is about family drama, much (but not all) of which is caused by the hoarding behavior of the author's mother. But then there are diversions - the chapter that goes into ridiculous detail about the author's struggle with Repetitive Stress Injury, the chapter that goes into a depth of detail about the author's struggle with depression, the chapter about whether or not they got their fancy dog from an animal hoarder, and the chapter about the author's trip to Europe (bankrolled by her Bad!Hoarding!Mother) where she met her husband. It's like being confronted with a hoard of story - choices about what to include and what to discard seem arbitrary, or unmade altogether. In a similar way, when she describes her mother's house, whole paragraphs become nothing more than laundry lists of items her mother is saving.
"The hallway is packed with stacks of even more ignored mail--her phone gets shut off on a semiregular basis because she can't find the bills--two ironing boards, a mound of ratty looking sweaters, winter boots and coats and snow pants heaped directly underneath an empty metal coatrack, at least one box of marshmallow Peeps, milk colored storage bins that I know without checking are empty, an oversized plastic pail containing ironic jugs of Lysol and Pine-Sol, and dozens of unopened white plastic Savers bags with the receipts still stapled to the top."
It gets to the point where it almost stops being a description and becomes a slightly obsessive catalog, which does not make for interesting reading.
But the main reason that I didn't like this memoir was because I had no sympathy for the narrator. The book, to me, did not read as the story of a good person caught up in bad circumstances. It read as a recounting of the self-involved drama created by the author in relation to the worsening health of her parents and her mother's mental illness.
When her father, just recovering from a heart attack and major surgery, is having a middle-of-the-night health crisis, the author responds by fainting (twice), shouting at the 9-1-1 operator, and demanding to speak with her supervisor. I get that not everyone is at their best in moments of crisis, but that seemed part and parcel of her general behavior. It is hard to feel warmly towards a woman who gets irate and defensive over a potential sublet tenant (who will be required to mail in six months worth of rent up front in advance) mentioning that her agent thought the apartment was 'kind of dirty' while blithely failing to let said tenant know of the months long scabies infection that she and her husband have been dealing with since returning from her mother's house. She calls her mother's neighbor (who shovels the walk, and expresses concern for her mom) as "The Mean Lesbian" because that is how her mentally ill mother refers to her. That's not funny. That's just mean spirited.
I wish this book had been a deeper or more insightful work about hoarding, but at the end of the day it's not much more than another contribution to the Grown Women Who Still Blame Their Mothers For Everything genre. This one just happens to have a hoarded house as a backdrop.
Read
January 12, 2023This was an uneven read. The parts of her story dealing with her mother's personality were really interesting, but so much of it was clouded with Sholl's really rather grating, whiney voice and privileged lifestyle that she seems to take for granted, it was hard to maintain sympathy for her. I guess I'd have preferred a biography/case study of her mother rather than a memoir of the author. And I don't mean to demean Sholl's experience -- her childhood was not easy, but Sholl spends more time carping about her adult experience than examining her rough childhood, probing the results more than the cause, and to me, this seems less helpful. Scabies are hard to get rid of. Got it. But I want to come away from this book with a deeper understanding of why the scabies are there in the first place. I'm actually terrified to consider that my bibliophile tendencies may actually be a genetically inherited mental illness related to, or leading to, some serious hoarding issues. Someday someone's going to find my old, dead body in amongst the floor-to-ceiling stacks of books I intend to read. The more mainstream ereaders become, the more abandoned paperbacks available to build my tomb. I keep a stack of books in my car, just in case I'm ever stranded on the road I'll have a good few weeks worth of reading material -- if I don't starve to death. Really, my obsession is absurd. But knowing it's crazy is half the battle, right?
August 8, 2022
(If you prefer reading this review in English, please scroll to the end of the one in Spanish)
Siempre me han fascinado los acumuladores compulsivos. A mi padre le gustaban demasiado los cachivaches inútiles, y sospecho que poco antes de morir estaba convirtiéndose en todo un acumulador compulsivo. Sé la frecuencia con que ese trastorno es hereditario, y como tengo mi propia tendencia a guardar tornillos, cajas, cables, etc, «porque algún día servirán para algo, ya verás», algunas veces me pregunto si yo misma podría acabar teniendo el mismo problema.
Tenía mis dudas sobre si leer este libro, no obstante. Demasiadas reseñas de gente quejándose de que la autora es muy quejica (ah, la ironía), y que cuenta demasiadas cosas que no vienen al caso de la historia principal. Pero al final lo he leído, y he de decir que no estoy en absoluto de acuerdo con esas reseñas.
En mi opinión Dirty Secret es un acertado retrato de lo que supone crecer con un progenitor disfuncional. Mucho de lo que cuenta sigue siendo válido incluso si esa disfuncionalidad no es exactamente un trastorno por acumulación. Muestra estupendamente la ambivalencia, los sentimientos de responsabilidad o de culpa hacia ese progenitor, o la compasión arruinada por la enésima demostración de egoísmo parental. El libro expone todo eso y aun el efecto que tiene en la psique, la salud física y las relaciones de quien tenga un padre o madre así. Es muy difícil reflejar todo eso si no ofreces un panorama suficientemente amplio de tu vida, y puede que sea por eso por lo que algunas personas piensan que Jessie Sholl se va por los cerros de Úbeda cuando habla de algo que, en apariencia, no tiene que ver con la relación con su madre. Además, pienso que cualquier relato honesto, brutalmente honesto sobre una relación tóxica puede sonarle lastimero a algunos, mientras que otros agradeceremos precisamente esa honestidad. Sin ella dudo que hubiera podido empatizar de veras con la autora.
Hay algo que Jessie Sholl no menciona expresamente, pero que se nota a lo largo de Dirty Secret: en ocasiones describe el modo en que la gente a su alrededor muestra sus emociones (a veces sin quererlo) por medio de su lenguaje corporal más que por sus palabras o acciones. No puedo evitar pensar que el haber tenido una madre tan impredecible la entrenó en anticipar cambios de humor ajenos observando señales muy sutiles en la voz o el rostro. Es algo muy común entre hijos de alcohólicos, que tienen tanto en común con los de acumuladores compulsivos.
Aparte de todo esto, Dirty Secret es muy ameno y está muy bien escrito. No podía soltarlo (bueno, claro que tenía que soltarlo, tengo un montón que cosas que hacer, pero estaba todo el rato con ganas de volver a cogerlo. Dios, ¿por qué tengo que puntualizarlo todo siempre?).
Así que sí, le recomendaría este libro a cualquiera interesado en el trastorno por acumulación. Y también voy a hacer otra recomendación, ea: no hagáis demasiado caso de las reseñas negativas si el tema de un libro os interesa lo suficiente. Leedlo. Al fin y al cabo, hay peores maneras de perder el tiempo que leyendo un libro, incluso uno malo. Siempre puedes abandonarlo en cuanto sientas que no te convence. Afortunadamente, los libros no son como las relaciones tóxicas.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I’ve always been fascinated by hoarders. My father was a pack-rat and I suspect he was on the way of becoming a full-blown hoarder just before his death. I know how frequently this disorder is inherited and I have my own tendency to save screws, boxes, wires, etc., “because someday this will be useful, you’ll see”, so sometimes I wonder if I could end up a hoarder myself.
I doubted whether to read this book, though. There were many reviews from people whining about the author being whiny (pardon my irony) and her many diversions from the main story. But I finally read it, and I must say I don’t agree with these reviews. At all.
I my opinion Dirty Secret is an accurate portrait of growing up with a dysfunctional parent. Most of it is still valid even if the dysfunctionality is not exactly hoarding. It shows awfully well all the ambivalence, the feelings of responsibility or guilt towards that parent, or the empathy ruined by the umpteenth display of parental selfishness. This book shows all this and also the toll it takes on the mind, the physical health and the relationships of children of such parents. It’s very difficult to reflect all this if you don’t give the readers the big picture. I think that maybe that’s why some people think Jessie Sholl is beating around the bush when she apparently is talking about her life not in connection with her mother. Moreover, I think that any honest, brutally honest account of a toxic relationship may sound whiny to some people, whereas some other will appreciate this honesty. Without it I could not have really empathized with the author.
There’s something not purposely mentioned by Jessie Sholl, but you can feel it along Dirty Secret anyway: she often describes how people around her show their emotions (or rather they betray them) through their body language more than through their words or actions. I can’t help thinking that living with such a loose cannon mother has made her extremely good at anticipating mood changes by observing subtle facial or voice cues. I’ve found this extremely common amongst children of alcoholic parents, which have lots in common with children of hoarders.
On top of all this Dirty Secret is really readable and well written. I couldn’t put it down (I mean, of course I had to put it down, I always have tons of things to do. But I was all the time wanting to go back to it and grabbing it as soon as I had a free moment. Gosh, why I always have to be so persnickety?).
So, of course, I would recommend this book to anybody interested in hoarding. But I have a more general recommendation too: don’t pay too much attention to negative reviews if you’re interested enough in a book plot or theme. Go ahead and read it! There are worse ways of wasting your time than reading a book, even a bad one. You can always quit it as soon as you feel it’s not for you. Books are not like toxic relationships, thank goodness.
Siempre me han fascinado los acumuladores compulsivos. A mi padre le gustaban demasiado los cachivaches inútiles, y sospecho que poco antes de morir estaba convirtiéndose en todo un acumulador compulsivo. Sé la frecuencia con que ese trastorno es hereditario, y como tengo mi propia tendencia a guardar tornillos, cajas, cables, etc, «porque algún día servirán para algo, ya verás», algunas veces me pregunto si yo misma podría acabar teniendo el mismo problema.
Tenía mis dudas sobre si leer este libro, no obstante. Demasiadas reseñas de gente quejándose de que la autora es muy quejica (ah, la ironía), y que cuenta demasiadas cosas que no vienen al caso de la historia principal. Pero al final lo he leído, y he de decir que no estoy en absoluto de acuerdo con esas reseñas.
En mi opinión Dirty Secret es un acertado retrato de lo que supone crecer con un progenitor disfuncional. Mucho de lo que cuenta sigue siendo válido incluso si esa disfuncionalidad no es exactamente un trastorno por acumulación. Muestra estupendamente la ambivalencia, los sentimientos de responsabilidad o de culpa hacia ese progenitor, o la compasión arruinada por la enésima demostración de egoísmo parental. El libro expone todo eso y aun el efecto que tiene en la psique, la salud física y las relaciones de quien tenga un padre o madre así. Es muy difícil reflejar todo eso si no ofreces un panorama suficientemente amplio de tu vida, y puede que sea por eso por lo que algunas personas piensan que Jessie Sholl se va por los cerros de Úbeda cuando habla de algo que, en apariencia, no tiene que ver con la relación con su madre. Además, pienso que cualquier relato honesto, brutalmente honesto sobre una relación tóxica puede sonarle lastimero a algunos, mientras que otros agradeceremos precisamente esa honestidad. Sin ella dudo que hubiera podido empatizar de veras con la autora.
Hay algo que Jessie Sholl no menciona expresamente, pero que se nota a lo largo de Dirty Secret: en ocasiones describe el modo en que la gente a su alrededor muestra sus emociones (a veces sin quererlo) por medio de su lenguaje corporal más que por sus palabras o acciones. No puedo evitar pensar que el haber tenido una madre tan impredecible la entrenó en anticipar cambios de humor ajenos observando señales muy sutiles en la voz o el rostro. Es algo muy común entre hijos de alcohólicos, que tienen tanto en común con los de acumuladores compulsivos.
Aparte de todo esto, Dirty Secret es muy ameno y está muy bien escrito. No podía soltarlo (bueno, claro que tenía que soltarlo, tengo un montón que cosas que hacer, pero estaba todo el rato con ganas de volver a cogerlo. Dios, ¿por qué tengo que puntualizarlo todo siempre?).
Así que sí, le recomendaría este libro a cualquiera interesado en el trastorno por acumulación. Y también voy a hacer otra recomendación, ea: no hagáis demasiado caso de las reseñas negativas si el tema de un libro os interesa lo suficiente. Leedlo. Al fin y al cabo, hay peores maneras de perder el tiempo que leyendo un libro, incluso uno malo. Siempre puedes abandonarlo en cuanto sientas que no te convence. Afortunadamente, los libros no son como las relaciones tóxicas.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I’ve always been fascinated by hoarders. My father was a pack-rat and I suspect he was on the way of becoming a full-blown hoarder just before his death. I know how frequently this disorder is inherited and I have my own tendency to save screws, boxes, wires, etc., “because someday this will be useful, you’ll see”, so sometimes I wonder if I could end up a hoarder myself.
I doubted whether to read this book, though. There were many reviews from people whining about the author being whiny (pardon my irony) and her many diversions from the main story. But I finally read it, and I must say I don’t agree with these reviews. At all.
I my opinion Dirty Secret is an accurate portrait of growing up with a dysfunctional parent. Most of it is still valid even if the dysfunctionality is not exactly hoarding. It shows awfully well all the ambivalence, the feelings of responsibility or guilt towards that parent, or the empathy ruined by the umpteenth display of parental selfishness. This book shows all this and also the toll it takes on the mind, the physical health and the relationships of children of such parents. It’s very difficult to reflect all this if you don’t give the readers the big picture. I think that maybe that’s why some people think Jessie Sholl is beating around the bush when she apparently is talking about her life not in connection with her mother. Moreover, I think that any honest, brutally honest account of a toxic relationship may sound whiny to some people, whereas some other will appreciate this honesty. Without it I could not have really empathized with the author.
There’s something not purposely mentioned by Jessie Sholl, but you can feel it along Dirty Secret anyway: she often describes how people around her show their emotions (or rather they betray them) through their body language more than through their words or actions. I can’t help thinking that living with such a loose cannon mother has made her extremely good at anticipating mood changes by observing subtle facial or voice cues. I’ve found this extremely common amongst children of alcoholic parents, which have lots in common with children of hoarders.
On top of all this Dirty Secret is really readable and well written. I couldn’t put it down (I mean, of course I had to put it down, I always have tons of things to do. But I was all the time wanting to go back to it and grabbing it as soon as I had a free moment. Gosh, why I always have to be so persnickety?).
So, of course, I would recommend this book to anybody interested in hoarding. But I have a more general recommendation too: don’t pay too much attention to negative reviews if you’re interested enough in a book plot or theme. Go ahead and read it! There are worse ways of wasting your time than reading a book, even a bad one. You can always quit it as soon as you feel it’s not for you. Books are not like toxic relationships, thank goodness.
June 7, 2011
I mistakenly thought that this book was going to be about a hoarding mom and what the child did about it. Instead, the author whined and complained throughout the book, jumping around to events throughout her life, some of which I had no clue as to how they connected to the premise of the book. I didn't want to read a memoir about the author, frankly I had no idea who she was prior to reading this. I wasn't interested in her vacations or music collections, or even her marriage.
I found the author to be almost rude and just downright mean to her mom when she described their interactions. I actually winced at some of the statements that she'd make to her. Sholl's mom didn't ask for her help, and while I can understand wanting to help your parent, the fact is that the help was not asked for and I don't think her mom deserved to be treated the way she was. At times, Sholl seems to try and justify how she speaks to her mom, describing her mild childhood abuse (hair pulling and being made to walk around the block at midnight for getting into fights with her brother) as if it were the most horrible thing in the world. I've seen much worse and honestly, just could not garner the sympathy needed to see Sholl's point of view. I kept thinking, if Sholl was so angry with her mom and couldn't get over what went on during her childhood, why did she keep talking to her? So she could write a book about it?
All in all, I was highly disappointed in this book. I went in expecting a tale of a hoarder and her daughter, thus thinking that the read would center around hoarding. Instead I was blindsided with numerous "adventures" and facts that seemed to be mainly filler. It seemed like a waste of time and not at all what the description of the book promised. I regret that I wasted my time on it.
I found the author to be almost rude and just downright mean to her mom when she described their interactions. I actually winced at some of the statements that she'd make to her. Sholl's mom didn't ask for her help, and while I can understand wanting to help your parent, the fact is that the help was not asked for and I don't think her mom deserved to be treated the way she was. At times, Sholl seems to try and justify how she speaks to her mom, describing her mild childhood abuse (hair pulling and being made to walk around the block at midnight for getting into fights with her brother) as if it were the most horrible thing in the world. I've seen much worse and honestly, just could not garner the sympathy needed to see Sholl's point of view. I kept thinking, if Sholl was so angry with her mom and couldn't get over what went on during her childhood, why did she keep talking to her? So she could write a book about it?
All in all, I was highly disappointed in this book. I went in expecting a tale of a hoarder and her daughter, thus thinking that the read would center around hoarding. Instead I was blindsided with numerous "adventures" and facts that seemed to be mainly filler. It seemed like a waste of time and not at all what the description of the book promised. I regret that I wasted my time on it.
January 31, 2011
From my blog:
In this candid memoir, Jessie Sholl explores the psychological disorder of compulsive hoarding. Intricately weaving the story of her life as the child of a hoarder, Sholl reveals the depth of pain and destruction that this disease can bring to a family.
As the story opens, Jessie's mother calls to tell her that she has cancer and must sign over her house to Jessie. Horrified that her mother has cancer, but even more terrified that she might be responsible for her mother's hoarded house, Jessie boards a plan from NYC to her hometown in Minnesota to help her mother get her affairs in order before her surgery and to help her mom clean her house. Through the mass of broken appliances, duplicate items purchased from the local Savers store, garbage, unopened mail, and books, Sholl attempts to reason with her mother and come to some kind of understanding as to why she is a hoarder. Although there is one specific event that intensified the situation, Sholl clearly explores situations throughout her childhood where this disorder manifested itself in other ways - disordered thinking, compulsive shopping, indecisiveness, and times of abuse directed at Sholl.
The clean-up is only a very small portion of the book. Returning to NYC after the surgery, Jessie discovers small bites on her ankles, then welts and other bite marks over the rest of her body. Then her husband, David, starts itching, too. Going from doctor to doctor and trying medication after medication, Jessie's mother finally tells her what she thinks it is - and it's pretty horrifying. Another after-effect of the hoarded house that will cause severe psychological and physical stress to Sholl, her husband, her father, and her stepmother, who were all in contact with the house in some way. Fed up, Jessie makes a vow - she is never going inside her mother's house again.
But can she keep that promise to herself? Can she control her compulsion to not want to clean her mother's house, which may be just as strong as her mother's compulsion to hoard?
I think this book was a very therapeutic endeavor for the author and helped her to understand her mother's disease more in depth. Sholl is a talented writer who offers an honest portrayal into an otherwise "dirty secret". Shows like Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried Alive are providing some light into the disorder, but I feel they are only scratching the surface and focusing more on the cleanup rather than on the psychological aspect of the disorder - the WHY it's happening is what I am interested in. I have to wonder how many of these homes go right back to being hoarded after the cameras are turned off. In this memoir, Sholl is able to weave research studies and psychological input regarding hoarding into her story which helps to define the disorder to readers who may not otherwise understand why someone would hoard. It would be very easy to tell a hoarder just "clean it up" or "get rid of it", but it is important to understand that the mind-set of someone who hoards is very different and s/he is unable to toss something without feeling like they are throwing out a piece of themselves. That's just my personal opinion.
This is a wonderfully written book that is very easy to read and and provides much-needed insight into what is a publicly ostracizing disorder. I can understand the author's hesitation in wanting to disclose her personal connection to hoarding, but I applaud her for having the courage to do so. We need more books like this so we can understand this disease more fully. I highly recommend this book.
Jennifer
http://www.crazy-for-books.com
In this candid memoir, Jessie Sholl explores the psychological disorder of compulsive hoarding. Intricately weaving the story of her life as the child of a hoarder, Sholl reveals the depth of pain and destruction that this disease can bring to a family.
As the story opens, Jessie's mother calls to tell her that she has cancer and must sign over her house to Jessie. Horrified that her mother has cancer, but even more terrified that she might be responsible for her mother's hoarded house, Jessie boards a plan from NYC to her hometown in Minnesota to help her mother get her affairs in order before her surgery and to help her mom clean her house. Through the mass of broken appliances, duplicate items purchased from the local Savers store, garbage, unopened mail, and books, Sholl attempts to reason with her mother and come to some kind of understanding as to why she is a hoarder. Although there is one specific event that intensified the situation, Sholl clearly explores situations throughout her childhood where this disorder manifested itself in other ways - disordered thinking, compulsive shopping, indecisiveness, and times of abuse directed at Sholl.
The clean-up is only a very small portion of the book. Returning to NYC after the surgery, Jessie discovers small bites on her ankles, then welts and other bite marks over the rest of her body. Then her husband, David, starts itching, too. Going from doctor to doctor and trying medication after medication, Jessie's mother finally tells her what she thinks it is - and it's pretty horrifying. Another after-effect of the hoarded house that will cause severe psychological and physical stress to Sholl, her husband, her father, and her stepmother, who were all in contact with the house in some way. Fed up, Jessie makes a vow - she is never going inside her mother's house again.
But can she keep that promise to herself? Can she control her compulsion to not want to clean her mother's house, which may be just as strong as her mother's compulsion to hoard?
I think this book was a very therapeutic endeavor for the author and helped her to understand her mother's disease more in depth. Sholl is a talented writer who offers an honest portrayal into an otherwise "dirty secret". Shows like Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried Alive are providing some light into the disorder, but I feel they are only scratching the surface and focusing more on the cleanup rather than on the psychological aspect of the disorder - the WHY it's happening is what I am interested in. I have to wonder how many of these homes go right back to being hoarded after the cameras are turned off. In this memoir, Sholl is able to weave research studies and psychological input regarding hoarding into her story which helps to define the disorder to readers who may not otherwise understand why someone would hoard. It would be very easy to tell a hoarder just "clean it up" or "get rid of it", but it is important to understand that the mind-set of someone who hoards is very different and s/he is unable to toss something without feeling like they are throwing out a piece of themselves. That's just my personal opinion.
This is a wonderfully written book that is very easy to read and and provides much-needed insight into what is a publicly ostracizing disorder. I can understand the author's hesitation in wanting to disclose her personal connection to hoarding, but I applaud her for having the courage to do so. We need more books like this so we can understand this disease more fully. I highly recommend this book.
Jennifer
http://www.crazy-for-books.com
January 3, 2011
In DIRTY SECRETS, Jessie Sholl has written the rest of my character's story. This memoir about an adult daughter dealing with her mother's hoarding and the irrational and frustrating legacy it brings to loved ones could have been written by Lucy if she'd grown up and been able to maturely face the consequences. Through her dealings with her mother as she tries to manage the hoard, Scholl has written a book that gives much-needed insight into how one person's hoarding affects everyone around them. Even during the most frustrating scenes, Sholl shows an underlying understanding of the disorder and an empathy for the mother who is behind the mountains of mess.
As one of only a handful of accounts about hoarding and its effects, DIRTY SECRETS is a must read for anyone who has a hoarder in their life or who is just interested in complex mother-daughter relationships. The book will leave you with a greater understanding of compulsive hoarding and how one family dealt with the issue. It will also leave you very itchy.
As one of only a handful of accounts about hoarding and its effects, DIRTY SECRETS is a must read for anyone who has a hoarder in their life or who is just interested in complex mother-daughter relationships. The book will leave you with a greater understanding of compulsive hoarding and how one family dealt with the issue. It will also leave you very itchy.
February 27, 2011
I think I thought I liked this book better than I actually did. Jessie Sholl's mother is a hoarder and probably has other mental issues as well. Speaking from personal experience, I can say that the book's account of trying to deal with a mentally person rings true. Despite the title, however, this book is not really the story of a hoarder. This is Jessie Sholl's biography in which her mother the hoarder is a recurring character. There is way too much that is irrelevant to the story of hoarding in the book, how she met her husband, her trip to Italy with her husband, her father's illness, her travails in trying to sublet her apartment so she can go to Italy, etc. Most of this is not interesting nor is it relevant to her mother's problems; it's just what goes on in her life at the same time she is dealing with her mother's issues. Sholl also goes into excruciating detail regarding a scabies infestation that is a direct result of her mother's hoarding. There is so much detail about the scabies infestation that it could be the subject of the book rather than hoarding.
December 31, 2010
This is no ordinary mother-daughter tale. Sholl's brilliant writing hooks you in the first sentence, and doesn't let up even after the last page (How could I ever stop thinking about this book?) A true tale of her mentally-ill mother's compulsive hoarding, the book is fierce, funny, deeply compassionate, and impossible to put down. I cannot wait for her next book, but right now I'm still compulsively thinking about this one.
June 26, 2011
i guess this is the first memoir ever written by the child of a hoarder. i didn't know that going on. i am just kind of interested in reading about hoarding & i like memoirs.
i really liked this book. i was reading through some of the more negative reviews on goodreads, & the consensus among the people who disliked it seemed to be, "jessie sholl came across as totally unlikeable. she treated her mom like crap."
my mom is not a hoarder like jessie's mom (my mom is basically homeless, so she has nowhere to hoard), but she is an addict & she is mentally ill. i have not really had a relationship with her in over fifteen years. i have gone for years at a time without speaking to her. she makes no effort to speak to me or have a relationship with me, so it's not all about how i'm a jerk. it's about how it's really difficult to deal with a parent who is an addict (jessie makes a lot of salient points in the book, comparing hoarding to alcoholism, particularly in its impact on children) & mentally ill.
the conclusion jessie reaches toward the end of the book, after seeing her mom through a bout of colon cancer, helping her father through a heart attack & a quadruple bypass, & contracting scabies from her mother's house, is that you can't change other people. you can only change yourself. kind of a "no duh" conclusion as far as i'm concerned, but then again--i'm the child of mentally ill addicts. the fact that i could not change my parents was something i definitely found out the hard way, but it's pretty ingrained in my life at this point, & i really felt for jessie, that she is nearly ten years older than me & still struggling to learn that lesson. i appreciated the fact that she was open about sometimes snapping at her mother, yelling at her, criticizing her, or "treating her badly". i was amazed that she had the emotional strength to have even a crappy, stressful relationship with her mom, even one that just involves going out to dinner with her a few times a year, because i do not have the strength to do that with my own mother. it's exhausting & traumatizing in a way that you can only really understand if your mom is really fucked up.
i guess one big difference between jessie & i, though, is that jessie struggles with a lot of guilt & shame about her mother's hoarding, her mental illnesses, & their relationship with each other. i just wanted to reach through the book & help jessie get a grip on that shit. anyone who thinks i'm a bad person because i don't talk to my mom...well, that's not someone i care to have in my life anyway, because they obviously don't understand me or where i am coming from.
the book does meander a little bit. it was difficult reading about jessi's teenage rebellion years (she convinced her father to let her move into her own place with an older friend when she was only 16), just because it's always difficult reading about whiny teenagers. jessie speculates that she inadvertently adopted her dog from an animal hoarder, & goes into a shit ton of detail about what caused her suspicions, without ever really successfully conveying the scene to the reader. she subletted her apartment to someone without warning her that she & her husband had scabies & maybe the apartment was infected (granted, they did everything within their power to disinfect the apartment, & there was no indication that the subletter got scabies, but still!). she displayed a constant need to caretake everyone in her life, to the point that she was arguably more a nuisance than a help.
but it was still a pretty compelling, well-researched book. it even includes a bibliography in the back for people who want to learn more about hoarding! i am always a big fan of a memoir with a bibliography.
i really liked this book. i was reading through some of the more negative reviews on goodreads, & the consensus among the people who disliked it seemed to be, "jessie sholl came across as totally unlikeable. she treated her mom like crap."
my mom is not a hoarder like jessie's mom (my mom is basically homeless, so she has nowhere to hoard), but she is an addict & she is mentally ill. i have not really had a relationship with her in over fifteen years. i have gone for years at a time without speaking to her. she makes no effort to speak to me or have a relationship with me, so it's not all about how i'm a jerk. it's about how it's really difficult to deal with a parent who is an addict (jessie makes a lot of salient points in the book, comparing hoarding to alcoholism, particularly in its impact on children) & mentally ill.
the conclusion jessie reaches toward the end of the book, after seeing her mom through a bout of colon cancer, helping her father through a heart attack & a quadruple bypass, & contracting scabies from her mother's house, is that you can't change other people. you can only change yourself. kind of a "no duh" conclusion as far as i'm concerned, but then again--i'm the child of mentally ill addicts. the fact that i could not change my parents was something i definitely found out the hard way, but it's pretty ingrained in my life at this point, & i really felt for jessie, that she is nearly ten years older than me & still struggling to learn that lesson. i appreciated the fact that she was open about sometimes snapping at her mother, yelling at her, criticizing her, or "treating her badly". i was amazed that she had the emotional strength to have even a crappy, stressful relationship with her mom, even one that just involves going out to dinner with her a few times a year, because i do not have the strength to do that with my own mother. it's exhausting & traumatizing in a way that you can only really understand if your mom is really fucked up.
i guess one big difference between jessie & i, though, is that jessie struggles with a lot of guilt & shame about her mother's hoarding, her mental illnesses, & their relationship with each other. i just wanted to reach through the book & help jessie get a grip on that shit. anyone who thinks i'm a bad person because i don't talk to my mom...well, that's not someone i care to have in my life anyway, because they obviously don't understand me or where i am coming from.
the book does meander a little bit. it was difficult reading about jessi's teenage rebellion years (she convinced her father to let her move into her own place with an older friend when she was only 16), just because it's always difficult reading about whiny teenagers. jessie speculates that she inadvertently adopted her dog from an animal hoarder, & goes into a shit ton of detail about what caused her suspicions, without ever really successfully conveying the scene to the reader. she subletted her apartment to someone without warning her that she & her husband had scabies & maybe the apartment was infected (granted, they did everything within their power to disinfect the apartment, & there was no indication that the subletter got scabies, but still!). she displayed a constant need to caretake everyone in her life, to the point that she was arguably more a nuisance than a help.
but it was still a pretty compelling, well-researched book. it even includes a bibliography in the back for people who want to learn more about hoarding! i am always a big fan of a memoir with a bibliography.
June 26, 2011
I was really excited to read this book, because while I enjoy the show Hoarders, fitting a whole lifetime of hoarding and its affect on a family can't really be done in an hour. The parts of the book where Sholl talks about her mother, their relationship, and the condition her mom's house and mind are by far the best parts. Not so much author's various health struggles and her need to call her Mom and Dad "my mom" and "my dad" all the time. Her anger at Mean Lesbian Neighbor and the unfortunate renter that sublets the author's NY apartment make it difficult to feel empathy for Sholl. At times she is a champion for hoarders, bringing attention to a problem that seems to be growing in our world and the mental illness behind it. But despite knowing her mom's history and current mental status, Sholl is often sharp tongued and impatient with her. Of course, I imagine it's a lot easier to have patience with a hoarder you don't know than the one that plants rubber snakes everywhere to freak you out and gives you scabies that just won't die. I admire Sholl for her honesty, hoarding isn't a mental illness that you can just take a little blue pill for and the author gives lots of information on hoarding behavior. I just wanted more about her mother's illness and struggle and less about repetitive motion strain and troubles with renters.
May 23, 2024
This memoir is not actually about hoarding. The mother is indeed a hoarder, but mostly the memoir is about the author's life (which does of course intersect with her mother, and with other family members).
I wanted more information about the alleged scabies (tiny mites that burrow through our skin). There never seemed to be a definitive diagnosis and some information did not add up. I wondered if their little dog was harboring the parasites and re-infecting his companion animals. A doctor in the book said dogs can't get scabies, but this I believe is incorrect (but what do I know?).
I was expecting more about the hoarding, about a possible intervention or the process of improvement. None of that happened, and so expectations were deflated. This left me feeling somewhat blah about this memoir. When scabies are the most compelling aspect of a book, you are bound to feel a bit disappointed—and itchy.
I wanted more information about the alleged scabies (tiny mites that burrow through our skin). There never seemed to be a definitive diagnosis and some information did not add up. I wondered if their little dog was harboring the parasites and re-infecting his companion animals. A doctor in the book said dogs can't get scabies, but this I believe is incorrect (but what do I know?).
I was expecting more about the hoarding, about a possible intervention or the process of improvement. None of that happened, and so expectations were deflated. This left me feeling somewhat blah about this memoir. When scabies are the most compelling aspect of a book, you are bound to feel a bit disappointed—and itchy.
January 11, 2011
I picked this up because of my interest in "Hoarders", and related topics, and I was truly impressed with the book. The writing was crisp and the narrative compelling. Television shows barely scratch the surface of what drives a person to hoard, and this in-depth study of one woman's family was a fascinating read from start to finish. It touches on more than just hoarding--addiction, co-dependency, mother/daughter and father/daughter relationships, and depression.
Definitely a recommended read.
Definitely a recommended read.
February 21, 2017
A compelling read.
May 5, 2012
As someone with parents who are nudging the line between thrifty and hoarder, this memoir caught my attention. Sholl begins her memoir with her mother’s announcement that she has cancer, and wants to sign over her house to her daughter. Sholl is stunned, not only by the news of her mother’s illness, but also at the thought of having to take care of the house, which she has avoided since her last cleaning purge a few years prior. Upon her visit to her mother, Sholl is horrified at the state of the house, writing a page long description of the clutter and the danger to both the inhabitant and the structural integrity. As she writes, she explains some of the research that has been done regarding hoarding and hoarders, and details some of the ways that her mother’s eccentric behavior affected her as a child, including the rocky relationship between her parents and instillation of the fear of snakes at a young age. She describes the relatively normal relationship she had with her father and step-mother, a realtor who helped provide a tidy home and rules for Jessie and her brother, contrasting it with the chaos that soon overwhelmed her mother’s household. And as Sholl goes through her teen and young adult years, her mother’s condition continues to shadow her, even through Jessie’s graduating, meeting her husband, and establishing her own household. An infestation of mites which Sholl, her father, and husband contract after helping her mother at home after her chemo treatments serve as a physical representation of how this behavior affects the entire family.
This book, while personally interesting, may not have a particularly widespread appeal. The memoir does address the common thread of adult children struggling to find and understand a healthy boundary with their parents; this addresses the switched roles of a child attempting to care for a parent. However, though Sholl is a good writer and does an excellent job of chronicling the emotions and confusion she feels when interacting with her mother, it will be of most interest to those who find themselves in a similar situation.
This book, while personally interesting, may not have a particularly widespread appeal. The memoir does address the common thread of adult children struggling to find and understand a healthy boundary with their parents; this addresses the switched roles of a child attempting to care for a parent. However, though Sholl is a good writer and does an excellent job of chronicling the emotions and confusion she feels when interacting with her mother, it will be of most interest to those who find themselves in a similar situation.
September 9, 2011
Hoarding is the new Bi-Polar. The reasons why people hoard and what they hoard make for some compelling and very sad television. The episodes I see of TLC's Hoarding: Buried Alive fill me with all sorts of emotions. I find myself routing for the hoarder to get better, I cry over the traumas that triggered their hoarding and I want to vomit at some of the disgusting messes they live with. Dirty Secret by Jessie Sholl makes me feel none of these things.
Sholl doesn't give us a memoir about growing up with a mother who hoards. Instead this is a vanity project in which she whines and complains about her life and how terrible she had/has it. Firstly, her mother did not start hoarding until the death of her boyfriend Roger (she was just a pack-rat who kept a messy house before his death) and that was long after Sholl was grown and out on her own. As a matter of fact, she stopped living with her mother around the age of 7.
Sholl just whines about how her mother is mentally ill, was/is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive and about her mother's odd delusions and she whines about she wanted to move out of her father's house during her teen years. Then she whines about her Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and that's when I tuned out and gave up. The author denies that her mother is the reason why she hates having a lot of material possessions around her home. Me thinks that Sholl isn't very self-aware, how in the hell can you write a memoir when you're not self-aware?
Sholl doesn't give us a memoir about growing up with a mother who hoards. Instead this is a vanity project in which she whines and complains about her life and how terrible she had/has it. Firstly, her mother did not start hoarding until the death of her boyfriend Roger (she was just a pack-rat who kept a messy house before his death) and that was long after Sholl was grown and out on her own. As a matter of fact, she stopped living with her mother around the age of 7.
Sholl just whines about how her mother is mentally ill, was/is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive and about her mother's odd delusions and she whines about she wanted to move out of her father's house during her teen years. Then she whines about her Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and that's when I tuned out and gave up. The author denies that her mother is the reason why she hates having a lot of material possessions around her home. Me thinks that Sholl isn't very self-aware, how in the hell can you write a memoir when you're not self-aware?
March 12, 2011
I'm glad I read this book. Not only did it give me insight into the hoarding phenomenon (or should I say syndrome?), but it also taught me a lot about codependency. Because that's what the book is really about: the author's struggle to disassociate herself from her mother's mental illness. Not that she isn't caring about what her mother goes through, but she has had to learn to stop "owning" her mother's problems. That's an important lesson to learn.
The book is well-written and easy to read except for some occasional confusion when the author goes back and forth in time. The character of her mother is drawn lovingly but unsparingly. Sholl doesn't sugarcoat her mother's behavior at all, yet she comes across as a sympathetic character. That's important, because it's sometimes hard to see people with mental problems as real, well, people. It's easy to generalize about the "crazy cat lady;" it's much harder to see where that woman is coming from as well as what positive things she still has in her nature.
I would urge anyone who is dealing with a person with mental illness (not only of the "hoarding" variety) to read this book. For one thing, it will help you to examine your own mental health, especially when it comes to depression, indecisiveness and anxiety. We all have a little bit of "crazy" in us. This book helps us to be more objective as well as more empathetic.
The edition I read had a reader's guide at the end, a bibliography and an interview with the author
The book is well-written and easy to read except for some occasional confusion when the author goes back and forth in time. The character of her mother is drawn lovingly but unsparingly. Sholl doesn't sugarcoat her mother's behavior at all, yet she comes across as a sympathetic character. That's important, because it's sometimes hard to see people with mental problems as real, well, people. It's easy to generalize about the "crazy cat lady;" it's much harder to see where that woman is coming from as well as what positive things she still has in her nature.
I would urge anyone who is dealing with a person with mental illness (not only of the "hoarding" variety) to read this book. For one thing, it will help you to examine your own mental health, especially when it comes to depression, indecisiveness and anxiety. We all have a little bit of "crazy" in us. This book helps us to be more objective as well as more empathetic.
The edition I read had a reader's guide at the end, a bibliography and an interview with the author
January 19, 2011
HMMMM. As much of a fan of hoarding as I am (in general and in specific), this book really didn't do it for me. The author goes into EXHAUSTIVE detail about this scabies issue she develops (from her mother's house) which, while compelling for the first 50 or 75 pages, eventually grows tiresome. She recounts every occurrence -- most of which are pretty mundane -- in similar fashion (perhaps to hide the fact that nothing actually happens in this book).
Fake example being: "My dad came and picked me up and we drove to my Mom's house. My mom wanted to go get Chinese food so we all got in the car and drove to the Chinese restaurant. When we got to the Chinese restaurant, a server named Mary came out to greet us. Mary was tall." Etc.
Quick, decent read though. Sympathetic author...even if she does live in the west village and Europe! Ahhh, jaloux!
Fake example being: "My dad came and picked me up and we drove to my Mom's house. My mom wanted to go get Chinese food so we all got in the car and drove to the Chinese restaurant. When we got to the Chinese restaurant, a server named Mary came out to greet us. Mary was tall." Etc.
Quick, decent read though. Sympathetic author...even if she does live in the west village and Europe! Ahhh, jaloux!
October 22, 2012
I read this as part of my training to become a Professional Organizer. It was written so honestly, that the painful emotions completely captured my heart. I expected to learn about the Chronic Disorganization problem so many people struggle with, but I learned so much more. I truly hope everyone reads this book and can learn to be sympathetic to our friends and neighbors who suffer with this issue.
February 9, 2014
Parts of this book are fascinating -- but, others, not so much.
I found myself skipping pages as the book bogged down.
Less about hoarding than the struggle to deal with a family member's mental illness, Jessie Sholl has written a memoir of her complicated and troubled life. Her inability to separate her mother's behavior from her identity and how she worked through that is the ultimate heart of the book -- but the story could have been told in far less space.
I found myself skipping pages as the book bogged down.
Less about hoarding than the struggle to deal with a family member's mental illness, Jessie Sholl has written a memoir of her complicated and troubled life. Her inability to separate her mother's behavior from her identity and how she worked through that is the ultimate heart of the book -- but the story could have been told in far less space.
January 9, 2011
This book sheds light on, literally, a dirty secret: hoarding. Ms. Sholl shows great courage in sharing this book, her secrets, and herself. I thank her for that. The book was very well done, and easy to read. I recommend it to anyone touched by hoarding, as well as those who want to understand it.
February 21, 2011
It takes a very courageous daughter to have wethered a challenging childhood and come out of it with love and compassion for her family and the mentally ill and it takes a courageous mother to let her tell the story and insist on full honesty, Loved this book and the hope that shines throughout it.
March 1, 2011
I thought this was a great book! It's a true story of a daughter (the author)'s perspective on her life with a hoarding mother. The psychology behind the hoarding is very well researched and really, truly insightful. It's sad, sweet, funny, and made me want to wash my sheets more and get rid of lots of household junk!
February 3, 2011
I love the show Hoarders and thought this would be a compelling read. It was ok. I spent nearly the entire time I was reading this book itching from head to toe. Others will have to read it to find out why. No spoilers here!
November 13, 2011
Jessie's mother is a hoarder. It's the dark, dirty secret in her family. Any one interested in the subject of hoarding will love this book. It's well written and insightful. Ms. Sholl writes an evocative book filled with emotion and puts a face and a legacy to the subject of hoarding.
October 19, 2021
I needed this years ago. “It is intoxicating to feel understood.”
September 3, 2019
I checked out this book from the library while there finding resources on a similar topic. Once I got my bag of books home, this was the first one I started reading and then had a hard time putting it down. We once had a neighbor who was a hoarder. All kinds of stacks of stuff were on the porch, and she was obviously unstable. We all felt so sorry for her but never tried to help, because 1) she appeared not to want any and 2) her situation looked like it needed the assistance of experts, and we weren’t qualified. However, I always wondered about that woman. What really was inside her house? If the porch was such a mess, was the kitchen as well? What made her do that? Did she have any family? This author does an incredible job of walking her readers through the cluttered life of a hoarder. Not only did her story satisfy some curiosities, it compelled much deeper thinking about my relationship with my own mother.
Though the other reviews aren’t very positive, I loved this book and highly recommend it if you have a book club that enjoys good discussion about sensitive issues. I also recommend it if you like to read real stories about real people, learning something from their life’s pages that you can use on the pages of your own story.
Loved this book!
Though the other reviews aren’t very positive, I loved this book and highly recommend it if you have a book club that enjoys good discussion about sensitive issues. I also recommend it if you like to read real stories about real people, learning something from their life’s pages that you can use on the pages of your own story.
Loved this book!
July 2, 2021
This book is interesting enough, but the writing is very uneven and large swaths of the book have nothing at all to do with her mother's hoarding, or are only tangentially related. Way too many pages are devoted to the author's bout with scabies, which she contracted while attempting to clean her mother's house.
August 16, 2023
Captivating; there were nights I could not put this book down. I learned a lot about hoarding, the mental illness behind it, and the impact of the mother’s compulsion on the author. This is a beautifully-written, unapologetic memoir that reminds the reader how important it is to share our stories to find healing and community.
March 30, 2021
DANG I was just RIVETED by this book. It reads like a novel. Interspersed with information on compulsive hoarding as well as other mental illnesses, this book really gripped me with its take on the mother-daughter relationship as Jessie navigates the adult understanding of how her mother's hoarding took over her own childhood and how it's still ruling her life even though she's across the country. Its honesty and detail kept me reading and I gobbled this entire story up in two days.
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