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352 pages, Hardcover
First published January 15, 2002
Across from a scary-looking mausoleum just short of Union Square, some burlies are hoisting a sign that makes me wonder if I’m on peyote. It’s a clock with twelve hands all holding coffee cups, and underneath it says, “There’s Always Time For Some More Maxwell House!” I mean, sometimes I think the straights know things we don’t, out in the crazy heart of America. The whole bit’s gone a little haywire, we aren’t moving, now I see that Ferlinghetti’s in a face-off with a couple of wharf rats up from the Embarcadero who think our gang is what’s wrong with this picture…
“Well – but they were traitors, by Jove! Of course Alger and the Rosenbergs betrayed their country. That was their job – that’s what traitors do! If I could see that, I assumed anyone could. But these people,” I said, staring around my shelves, “call themselves the patriots – so what on earth is going on?”
Rats were patrolling Room 222, gunsmoke made the sea be yesterday, oh Dr. Kildare F. Troop I'm on to you: I know what the Mayo Clinic is.... When dawn wells up in the sky, she knots me together. Then we'd sit around in the Cleaver Ward in our robes and gowns.... The one across from us was called the Burt Ward, and every schizo in it wore a mask and hopped around like batty robins.OK? Count the pop-culture references: I find at least 9, with a couple others buzzing around the perimeter that I can't place. But do you see what I mean about the plot? To be fair, this is the least intelligible chapter, kind of like someone who has done nothing but watch TV his entire life would sound like if you took him out of his living room.
- Gilligan's nuts, as is obvious from the quote aboveConfused yet? This is definitely a book to read again, more closely, if I had time. I'd skip the Movie Star and Professor chapters because they were terminally depressing. Intricate book, good for book clubs, if you have a group that's pretty avant.
- the Skipper is living in the past (World War II to be exact, where he meets JFK)
- the Millionaire is entirely clueless (recommended Alger Hiss for a government job even though he knew Hiss was a Communist...)
- his wife was a morphine addict in the 20s who married Thurston as a backstop when her father died
- the Movie Star is from "Alabam'-goddamn" and is actually a B- and X-rated movie star whose biggest claim to fame is sleeping with Sammy Davis, Jr., in Sinatra's house in Palm Springs while her sister did JFK in the pool
- the Professor...one of the characters I liked best on the show--is a narcissistic sex-addict who worked on the Manhattan Project and other creepily nefarious underground government programs
- Mary Ann is a perpetual virgin who left home for a year of college in France where she lost her virginity...the first time...and can't get back to her Kansas home because it's Brigadoon, so she just keeps wandering the globe losing her virginity time after time