How Weaning Happens

by Diane Bengson

* This is a new copy. When counseling breastfeeding families who ask How Weaning Happens, author Diane Bengson says, "Gradually, with love." She answers the many questions she's seen hundreds of families bring up through her years as a La Leche League Leader and wrapped her own as well as their personal experiences into her book How Weaning Happens. She covers social and cultural differences among the breastfeeding families, pressures to wean, natural weaning and various other reasons to wean. She also writes about the physical and emotional changes of mother and child in a nursing relationship. Weaning is the first complete book on the topic from LLLI, though the organization has a number of shorter publications on the subject.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Health

156 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 1999

Reviews

[Sonya Feher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bengson thoroughly examines all types of weaning, reasons or perceived reasons to wean, and the child and mother's emotional reactions to weaning. Though there’s a definite bias toward child-led weaning, Bengson offers strategies for how to wean partially, gradually, naturally or abruptly and even breaks strategies down by age. The section on weaning for medical reasons including possible alternatives is a useful resource. Whether you want to wean your child by a certain age or you're planning to breastfeed until your child decides to stop, How Weaning Happens is worth a cover to cover read.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

What surprised me about this book is how much it is about nursing as well as about weaning. It helped me feel very good about my decision to let my daughter self-wean. It has also become helpful during her recent nursing strike. Someone told me she was probably trying to wean, but that didn't feel right to me. I am so happy to be able to read stories about how other toddlers have weaned. Many of them made me cry. The best one was about a boy, who during the last time he ever nursed told his mom that that milk would last him forever. The thought of that still makes me cry.

[Kati · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is wonderful for nursing moms at any point in their journey. It covers so many situations and really reinforces the fact that each mother and child has their own unique nursing relationship. It backs up my belief that only the mother and child know what is right for them, and that is what matters. I can't recommend this book enough, especially for other extended nursing mamas.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life. I was thinking of weaning my son who was about 1yr old and cried when I read this book knowing I didn't 'have to' wean him and that he would wean in his own good time. My son -now 12yrs old- weaned himself at 3 1/2yrs old. And my daughter now almost 3 weaned herself right before turning 2 1/2yrs old. Any one breastfeeding must read this!!!

[jacky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was not expecting to like this book, especially after being disappointed by The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning. I envisioned a lot of guilt when I saw it was a La Leche League book.

But, I was surprised. After feeling a little unsettled that all the stories of weaning were of much older children, I really got on board with the book. I was supported by how the way we have been weaning seemed to follow what is suggested for a positive weaning experience. I was also happy to see that although the book discusses nursing through pregnancy and tandem nursing, it was very supportive of the choice not to do these things.

I can't say that I learned a lot from this book per se, but it did get me thinking a lot about nursing and weaning. In the end, it left me feeling supported in my choices about weaning thus far.

I'd also recommend this book because it was overall very readable and thorough. I enjoyed the stories directly from other mothers. My only annoyance with it was how frequently the La Leche League was said to have provided so much support; it just got a bit redundant and felt like advertising.

I can foresee myself purchasing this and Breastfeeding Made Simple for loved ones having a baby.

[Kit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good so far. Extensively researched, clearly presented statistics and scientific information is balanced with lots of personal stories written by moms who have nursed and weaned - some many times over. Initially I started reading this because I was thinking about how to start weaning Sylvia (14 months). Now I'm feeling more relaxed about it. I'm confident that she will wean when the time is right for her. It's making me feel very empowered, and confident that Sylvia and I will to continue to grow a BFing relationship that is mutually satisfactory, supportive, nurturing and full of love, and that when the time comes for that aspect of our relationship to end, we'll both be ready for a new chapter to begin. :)

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as good or complete as Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, but still good. Basically, don't stress about your child's frequent or prolonged breastfeeding. Allowing a child to wean on their own time schedule and in a non-threatening way makes baby more independent and securely attached to mommy no matter what age they happen to choose to wean completely.

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very exciting that I've met a few of the "kids" that were quoted in this book!! Another great read from the LLL Library. Helped me decide that for right now I do want to stick with child led weaning even if it means waiting a little longer for our next baby. Includes great suggestions for gentle weaning at any age.

[Leticia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like other reviewers, I think the best part of this book was the reassurance that weaning does not have to happen when society says it has to happen. It is very encouraging to read all of these stories of mothers who survived extended nursing and how it helped their children better regulate their own emotions as they grew older. I complain often to my husband that I am touched out and tired of being tied down, but the truth is if I were asked to stop nursing today, it would break my heart, and my son's. A really good book, and I wonder if it is in print still. I'd like to buy a copy for myself.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5 stars. This book covers child-led weaning only. Very narrow. I first turned to it looking for advice for a friend who had to unexpectedly wean for medical reasons. There was absolutely nothing on that. It's not really suitable for my purposes either. There's nothing on night weaning. If you're looking for an entirely child-led approach this may be for you.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book encouraged me not to wean actually and while I have enjoyed the time immensely, would have liked an actionable plan too, on how to do so slowly. It underestimated the emotional and physical aftermath of dropping feeds. I enjoyed the anecdotes though

[Kleingoertzi · Rating 4 out of 5]

It remains highly relevant; I only wish that breastfeeding were explored with such depth and nuance in more works of literature.

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wasn't impressed with this book. Maybe it just wasn't what I was looking for. I felt the same thing was said over and over just differently. I feel this book is better suited for people that are getting (and listening) to a lot of outside advice. The overall sentiment of the book is choose carefully to wean, do it slowly but really just let your child decide and nurse for as long as they like.

[Lacey Louwagie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I probably would have rated this book higher if I hadn't already read several books from LLL. While I really liked having a book focused on weaning, there wasn't a lot of new information here that I hadn't already encountered in "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" or "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler."

The tone is mostly supportive, although the focus is more on allowing weaning to happen naturally rather than giving good structure or support on how to nudge it along. There is some of that, although most of the book is comprised of women's personal weaning stories, whether they pushed weaning or let the child set the pace. I didn't walk away feeling as if I had much in the way of concrete suggestions, just some affirmations of the way things are unfolding. I still don't feel much more prepared for the dreaded next step of night-weaning. But two years without a full night's sleep really is enough.

[Katina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is definitely written from an attachment-parenting perspective and tells the tales of women who nursed their babies (correction - children) until well past toddler-hood, some until their kids were 5 or 6. Needless to say, I will not be one of those mothers, but looking ahead towards weaning, I am anticipating a sadness in losing that bond with Stella and wanted to learn more about the changes I'll go through as hormones shift (ugh) and I get time back to myself (yay!).

The book had some helpful tidbits, but really seemed to be more of a pep talk for weaning at the child's whim (child-led weaning), not about strategies to start gradually reducing daily nursing. It also didn't discuss things from a working parent's perspective. Generally my sense is that most LLL moms tend to stay-at-home. Since I plan to nurse nights and mornings until Stella is around 2, this book was encouraging, but not exactly what I was looking for.

[Ella · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book on what to expect from weaning, both for mother and child. Of course its bias is toward child-led or "natural" weaning, and many of the stories are older children weaning. I was glad to see that once it got over the "you should really nurse until your child decides to wean" chapter (that made me feel only nominally guilty for choosing gradual weaning), it went on to a lot of practical advice and info. Many things in here can make a weaning mother feel "normal" about her experience, so she can let go of guilt and anxiety and also apply some real advice as she goes through it with her own child.

I'd recommend this book to other weaning mothers, with the caveat that it does push, a little, toward not weaning when mom wants, but not so much that the rest of the information isn't useful.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like many books published from La Leche League, this one has many, many stories from other mothers, direct in their own words. Bengson put together a nice book on the weaning process in general, how it happens, the emotions involved for mother and child, and the different timing schemes for weaning (child-led or mother-led.)

Great book for moms who are at the point of considering weaning their children from the breast.

[Clare Davidson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely encouraging book with personal stories and varying cultural perspectives on breastfeeding and weaning. Like so many books from La Leche League this was so helpful and supportive of my choice to nurse my children for as long as they needed while giving me strategies to make it easier to cope.

[Dolly · Rating 4 out of 5]

great for breastfeeding moms! I read this book long before I was ready to wean and I relied heavily on this book as I made the transition. It was great to read about the process and to get reassurances from other moms.

[Lauren · Rating 1 out of 5]

I probably should have realized that this book would not be a good fit for me when I saw that it was connected to the La Leche league. If you are still nursing your 3 year old, it might help you. But, if you are weaning an infant this book offers ZERO help.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was hoping this book would give more ideas as to how to initiate weaning and techniques but it is just as it simply descriptions of children weaning themselves. I am glad I read it but wasnt very helpful to me as a first time nursing mother who wanted to initiate weaning.

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book especially for mamas who are nursing toddlers. It really helped encourage me. It also taught ways to help encourage weaning while sharing that toddler and older children nursing is normal!

[Jeanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to see that children really don't nurse forever...although sometimes it feels like it some days.

[Rochelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's an okay book....tries more to talk you out of weaning than giving you many ways to gently wean.

[Meghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very general information on weaning as every child is different. Interesting points on cultural differences and western cultural aversion to breastfeeding toddlers and older children.

[Tracey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had too many personal stories in it for me. Just the facts, please. But it gave me some confidence and some ideas about how to wean. Mostly I think it convinced me to wean very slowly.